TOP20 DIFFERENCES IN THE X-FILES
                           IF IT TOOK PLACE IN RUSSIA
               (aka "The Former Soviet Union" for you older folks)

#20) Scullinski & Mulderov investigate reports of cannibalism at the
People's Poultry Processing Plant #1013

#19) Scullinski takes a vacation to the wilds of Siberia only to be
bothered by some decadent western Demon doll.

#18) Mulderov & Scullinski drive to crimes scenes in some cheaply
made copy of a Fiat or in a East German Trablant.

#17) While college students, Mulderov and Marita Coverubias once
made love on top of Lenin's Tomb.

#16) Scullinski & Mulderov Investigate advanced aging amongst a
nuclear sub crew...but it turns out to be just another radiation
leak... 

#15) For her birthday, Mulderov gives Scullinski a watch commemorating
the first manned space flight of Yuri Gargarin. 

#14) Scullinski's thesis at the Novosibirsk Institute of Advanced
Physics was entitled "Einstein's Twin Paradox--How it was Stolen from
Soviet Researchers".

#13) Scullinski & Mulderov Investigate reports of a man-eating monster
in Lake Baikal. (the deepest lake in the world!)

#12) Mulderov is dosed with the Black Oil Alien after trying to sneak
into the American Area 54 (Episode: "Nevada") 

#11) Scullinski & Mulderov investigate reports of a disabled
Afghanistan War vet who is psychically murdering his superiors.

#10) Scullinski & Mulderov Investigate a mutant Flukeman that came from
the Newark, New Jersey sewer system.

#9) Mulderov sits in his flat watching tapes of decadent Western
pornography --- called "Baywatch" & "Melrose Place".

#8) Scullinski & Mulderov head to Cuba to investigate that damm
Goatsucker.

#7) Scullinski really looks hot in her Red Air Force uniform and
carrying her AK-74 assault rifle. (woo-woo!)

#6) Mulderov & Scullinski are continually annoyed by that low-down,
Amerikanski double agent Krycek!

#5) The Lone Cossacks are always trying to prove some crazy Kremlin
conspiracy theory.  

#4) Scullinski & Mulderov Investigate a Alien Ghost haunting the Mir
space station.

#3) Mulderov's derogatory KGB nickname is the Czech word for Spooky;
"Duchovny".

#2) Scullinsky & Mulderov yell "Freeze! KGB!" AFTER Shooting.

And the #1 Difference in the X-Files if they took place in Russia--

Mulderov: "If that is Vodka, this could be love..."

Scullinski: "Sorry Mulderov, is Americanski stuff called Tequila."


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