Three Bald Gals Review
Sliders
(Theme music plays, lights rise to show GARIBALDI, PICARD, and TALIC'A sitting in their usual seats on the theater balcony.)
GARIBALDI: Hello, and welcome to "Three Bald Gals Review...". I'm Michelle Garibaldi of "Babylon 6".
PICARD: I'm Jeanette Picard of "Star Trek: Generation X".
TALIC'A: And I am Talic'a of "Stargate SG-2".
GARIBALDI: Today we'll be taking a look at the series "Sliders", which is currently in the midst of its final season. And the only real question I have is: What the hell happened to this show? It started off so well, then--
PICARD: Let's back up a bit first, Michelle. For those unfamiliar with the program, "Sliders" deals with the concept of alternate realities, parallel universes, and a quartet of travellers who "slide" between those universes. Initially, the travellers were Quinn Mallory, inventor of the sliding technology; his teacher, Professor Arturo; Quinn's gal pal Wade Wells; and Rembrandt Brown, who got pulled into it all by accident. They wound up lost amongst the dimensions, and the driving force of the series was their quest to find their way back home.
TALIC'A: A concept which worked very well. We hadn't seen a show with this much promise come along since "Joannie Hates Chachi"...
GARIBALDI: Now THERE was a show. Did you ever see the one where Chachi and The Fonz firebomb the Cunningham's house?
TALIC'A: Are you kidding? I've got that one on tape!
GARIBALDI: VHS or Betamax?
TALIC'A: Oh, please! Like anyone uses VHS anymore!
PICARD: (clears her throat to silence the two) As I was saying...As the series progressed, the team changed a bit, with Arturo and Wade eventually being replaced by Maggie Beckett and Quinn's long-lost brother Colin.
GARIBALDI: Which is where the show really started to lose me. See, they decided to introduce an almost "Superman"-esque origin for Quinn. No longer was he simply a genius student who invented this fantastic device in his basement. No--NOW he was actually from another dimension, with his parents having sent him to live with foster parents on another Earth to save him from the war that was ravaging their own Earth. It just *completely* ruined the premise of the show for me...
TALIC'A: I can't say my reaction was *quite* so strong as yours, Garibaldi, but I did prefer the earlier notion of the character.
PICARD: The sliders' main foes became the Cro-mags, evil folks with their own sliding technology who were conquering each dimension they visited. The sliders had to try and track down Quinn and Colin's real parents, in the hopes of finding a way to defeat the Cro-mags...
GARIBALDI: THIS season, though...there doesn't seem to be much focus at all. Does anyone know what's going on? Do the writers even know? And as if that weren't enough--Quinn and Colin are gone. Colin's apparently lost in the dimensions somewhere, and Quinn...well, they seem to have pulled a kind of "Dr. Who" on us: Quinn has been "merged" with the Quinn Mallory of another dimension--so this new "Mallory" character has his own personality and history and such, but also the memories of the old Quinn.
TALIC'A: A ploy which conveniently allows them to put another actor into the role.
GARIBALDI: There's also another new slider with them. A scientist or something.
PICARD: (rolls her eyes) Way to do the research, Michelle.
TALIC'A: As Garibaldi was saying, there doesn't seem to be much of a driving force behind the series anymore. It just seems to be wiling away the time until cancellation. Which is not to say that it's a completely awful show. It's still a harmless way to pass the time. But compared to earlier seasons...
PICARD: True, and you have to give the producers credit; three-quarters of their original cast--including their lead actor--are gone, and they've done the best they could under the circumstances.
GARIBALDI: Yeah, I'll give 'em that much, at least. (she turns toward the camera) Folks, overall, this is still a decent series, but nothing to write home about. Not anymore. But the show's early episodes balance the later seasons a bit, so I'm giving the series as whole three out of five stars. Picard?
PICARD: Well, the first season gets three-and-a-half stars from me. Each season thereafter slides one-half point down from the previous season. Get it? Slides? Cause we're--And the show's name--
(GARIBALDI and TALIC'A roll their eyes).
PICARD: (pouting) Dr. Crusher loves my jokes...
GARIBALDI: No, he just pretends to, so he can get you into bed, Jeanette...
PICARD: (outraged) Wesley would NEVER--!
TALIC'A: LADIES! Can we finish this review, please? (she turns to the camera) I give "Sliders", overall, three stars as well. But I have to stress that I still love the IDEA behind the show; parallel world tales have always been some of my favorite stories.
GARIBALDI: Yeah...and just think, girls--with all this parallel dimension business, there might be a universe out there where the three of us are MEN!
(GARIBALDI, PICARD and TALIC'A stare at each other a moment, then burst out laughing.)
PICARD: What a crazy notion!
TALIC'A: And on THAT ridiculous thought...I am Talic'a...
GARIBALDI: I'm Michelle Garibaldi...
PICARD: And I'm Jeanette Picard, saying...
TALIC'A, GARIBALDI and PICARD: (in unison) Pass the Raisinets!
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