The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again. In one Age, called the Third Age by some, an Age yet to come, an Age long past, an Age that sounds like it may just pop up next to you tomorrow on the bus, a wind rose in the Mountains of Mist. The wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Wheel of Time. And although it would be logically sound to assume that in order for the Wheel to have been set into motion in the first place, the turning action would have HAD to begun in some particular point in history. But this is the Wheel of Time. Beginnings are nonexistent and endings equally as evasive, but by some strange quirk in the laws of nature, this particular wind was A beginning. Nobody knows why - maybe it was the size of this wind that prohibited it from qualifying as a REAL beginning - but nevertheless, in this land of enigmatic paradoxes such as this, there are three imperative words essential for your survival: Just accept it. 

As you’ll recall, our Hero™’s are about to face what may just be their most terrifying encounter yet...
...this terror goes by one name: Nynaeve al’Meara. 
...a direct translation from her name’s Latin origin would read "Your Worst Nightmare". 
...and if there’s one thing you should learn to never do in life, it’s to under-estimate the horror of The Village Wisdom of Emond’s Field...

[Chilling theme music begins upon the disintegration of Mat and Rand’s terrified screams...]
Mat and Rand: [Boldly, with the resolute confidence and determination characteristic to heroes of this genre, pass out.]
[The resuscitation process goes like water off a duck’s back...or, water off a shepherds back, as it were. A splash o’ water and slap in the face, and Mat and Rand are up and ready to rumble.]
[Unfortunately, in the other corner of the ring, Nynaeve is already rumbling...]
Nynaeve: [Rumblerumblerumblerumblerumble...] [SNIFF!] [TUG!] [SNIFF!]
Rand: [Storms into the private dining room] [In no-nonsense all Caps Lock voice] I’VE BEEN WAITING YEARS FOR THIS, NYNAEVE...AND TONIGHT, AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE, YOU’RE GOIN’ DOWN!!! AND THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE - ‘CUZ STONE RAND SAID SO!!
Nynaeve: [Sniff!] [Tug, tug!] [SNIFF!] THE BOTTOM LINE?!! THE BOTTOM LINE, MY FOOT!! I’LL SHOW YOU THE BOTTOM LINE! [Pulls out a whip and cracks it HARD on Rand’s bottom] THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE, BOY!! [Grabs Rand by the ear] YOU’RE COMIN’ HOME WITH ME!!
Moiraine: Now, now, child-
Nynaeve: [Snifftugtug!] CHILD?!!
Lan: [Growl]
Nynaeve: [Sneering at Lan] What are you growling at, granite-face?
Chewebacca: ARRRRGAGAGH!!
Lan: Down, boy!
Nynaeve: [Sniff!] You’re all coming home with me. You’re all coming!! ALL OF YOU! YA HEAR?? YOU’RE ALL COMING HOME WITH ME!!!!
Mat: What’re ya gonna do, scream us into submission?
Nynaeve: [Standing up angrily and shouting directly into Mat’s ear] IF THAT’S WHAT IT TAKES, YES!!!
Mat: [Clutching his ears] Arrrgh!
Rand: We can’t go home.
Nynaeve: [Sitting down again] [Sniff!] [TUG!!] And why is that?
Rand: [Proudly] Becauthe Moiraine told uth we were thpethial, and we’re gonna be famouth! [Beaming]
Nynaeve: [Whipping around to face Moiraine] You WHAT?!!
Lan: Grrrrr...
Nynaeve: [TUG.] I wasn’t talking to you, jagged-jaw!
Chewebacca: Arghao?!! AAAAAAAAAOOORRRGH!!
Lan: Chewey, NO!! SIT.
Moiraine: There, there, child. I was simply telling the truth. The most evil presence in the universe is on a personal mission to kill these three young men.
Mat, Rand, and Perrin: [Beaming with pride]
Nynaeve: [Sniff! TUGTUG, SNIFF!!!] [Muttering] Well, so am I...
Thom: [Leaning down close to Nynaeve] [Menacingly] But ya know what he’d do if he found them?
Nynaeve: [Eyes widening] No...what? 
Thom: HE WOULDN’T GIVE ‘EM A CHANCE!! HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEEE!! HEHEHEHAHAHAhahahaha...[Trailing off slowly...] Hehehehe....oooooh, I kill myself. [Buries his face in a jar of Mayo]
Nynaeve: [SNIFF!!] One more reason for you to come home with ME!!
Mat, Rand, and Perrin: We can’t.
Nynaeve: [Sigh] I know, I know...you’re special...
Mat, Rand, and Perrin: [Beaming with pride]
Moiraine: [Clearing her throat] They must stay with me.
Nynaeve: [SNIFF-TUG!!] WHY?!!
Lan: Grrrrr...
Nynaeve: Shut up, flint-forehead.
Chewebacca: AARRGGGHHORRRR-
Lan: NO!
Moiraine: Why, you ask? So I can thwump the Trollocs with my magical stick!
Nynaeve: [SNIFF! Tug-tug!] Fools. We have a saying in the Two Rivers. "Whether the wolf beats the bear or the bear beats the wolf, when the deer jumps over the fallen log in the forest as the rabbit scurries about aimlessly and wild ostriches express long-withheld angst concerning alphabetized cucumbers by means of intermittent capriciousness, THEN is the time to thwump Trollocs with magical sticks." So YOU’RE ALL COMING HOME WITH ME!!
Rand, Mat, Perrin, Egwene (Where’d she come from??), Thom, Lan, Chewebacca and Moiraine: [Siiiigh...]
Nynaeve: [Perplexed] What?
Moiriaine: [To everyone except Nynaeve] Please excuse us. 
Everybody Else: [Leaves the private dining room, bracing themselves for the worst...]

[Moiraine and Nynaeve are left alone in the dining room...] [Thwacks, thwumps, thwops, slaps, curses, shrieks, and random sniffs and tugs float over the doorway and into the hallway, reaching the ears of the argument’s grimacing audience. Then, as if it had never been...]
Moiraine and Nynaeve: [Exit the dining room, with shiny, happy smiles plastered to beaming faces] [In unison] Hello!
Rand: [Stares at Moiraine and Nynaeve]
Moiraine: [Waves]
Mat: [Shakes his head]
Moiraine: [Walks on down the hall, still "smiling", disappears around a corner, and then...] AAAAARRRRGGHH!!! [SLAM!! - goes the door]
Nynaeve: [Shrugs]
Lan: [Murmer murmer]
Nynaeve: [Sneers at Lan] [Sniff!] [Tug!]
Chewebacca: Argh, argha!
Lan: Hehe.
Nynaeve: [Turning to Rand] [Seductively] Hey, Rand...is that a HeronSabre in your scabbard or are you just happy to see me?
Rand: Arrgh! Why does everybody say that to me?
Nynaeve: Ooooo, you HAVE grown, Rand...
Rand: [Twitches uncomfortably] So...uh...hehe...[Picking his fingernails nervously]...so what did she, uh, what’d she say to you?
Nynaeve: Oh, she just wanted me to clarify that you were born outside the AHEM. Nothing.
Rand: What? What?!
Nynaeve: Nevermind.
Rand: WHAT?!!
Nynaeve: Wellll....
Rand: Go on...
Nynaeve: She...
Rand: Uh-huh, I’m listening...
Nynaeve: She asked if...
Rand: She asked if...?
Nynaeve: She wanted to know...
Rand: Yes?
Nynaeve: She...
Rand: CURSE YOU, WOMAN! JUST BLOODY TELL ME!!
Nynaeve: Oh, Rand. You were born outside the Two Rivers...
Rand: I-
Nynaeve: Shh.
Rand: But-
Nynaeve: Hush!
Rand: B-
Nynaeve: No more!
Rand: But I-
Nynaeve: SHHH!
Rand: Aaarghhhh....

[In the end, Nynaeve decided to have a bath and stay the night. Onto the night’s festivities!]

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[The white-clad Ikea redecoration crew rushes in to renovate the common room. The tables are removed, 20-foot amplifiers set up parallel to the sound-stage where the DJ (Thom) is setting up his station, the disco ball is quickly screwed into place, the fog machine set up, and in record time, the common room has been prepared and the patrons ready to get_it_on!
DJ (Thom): How y’all doin’ out there?
Crowd: YAAAAAAH!!!
DJ: Then welcome to the Stag and Lion Grooove Station! My name’s Doctor Feeeelgood and I’ll be hostin’ this rockin’ DANCE! So let’s get DOOOOOOWN!!
Crowd: WAAAAHHHOOOOO!
[The opening lines of a dance-remix of "Pretty Fly For An Aes Sedai" blast powerfully out of the cranked amps] 
Rand: [Singing along to familiar words as he takes Dr. Feelgood’s advice and get’s DOOOOOOWN!!!...] Bonded to my Warder...uh-huh, uh-huh! ...And all the Gaidin say I’m pretty fly for an Aes Sedai...
Mat: [Dancing negligently with a waitress] C’mon, baby! Woo!
Perrin: [Making rhythmic movements with his neck] Mm-hmm, mm-hmm...
Egwene: [Deeply immersed in a fiercely exuberant Jitterbug dance...]
Lan: [Gettin’ funky with the Funky Chicken while muttering the words to the song] See her sauté that con, deep-fry Ba’alzamon...She’ll get her way, she’ll get her way!
Moiraine: [Accompanying Lan in his graceful Warder dance]
Nynaeve: [Leaps from atop the stage into the mosh pit, screaming enthusiastically]
["Pretty Fly For An Aes Sedai" fades to an 80’s White Tower campus hit song, "Cairheinien Woman", by The Guess Whom.]
Nynaeve: [Shouting the lyrics with exuberance] CAIRHEINIEN WOMAN!!! STAY AWAY FROM MEEEE! CAIRHEINIEN WOMAN!!! MAMA LET ME BE!!
Egwene: [Drops to the floor in an impressively rapid break-dance as the onlookers cheer ‘er on.]
Onlookers: YAAAAAAH!
[The song tapers off, and is replaced by an eery-yet-hip song by shock-rocker Moridin Manson, "The Mayo Show". The insane dance moves continue as "The Mayo Show" is superseded by a gangsta-rap type of song, "Gleeman’s Paradise". As though to sustain the hip-hop mood, the next song to come a-blarin’ out of the speakers just happens to be the latest by Wil al’Smith, "Wild, Wild Wheel".
Rand, Mat, and Perrin: [Deeply immersed in a synchronized Macarena dance, fail to notice the Angry Man In The Corner...]
Angry Man In The Corner: Grrrrr...
Egwene and Nynaeve: [Dancin’ a waltz around the room, also ignore the Angry Man In The Corner...]
Angry Man In The Corner: Grrrrrrrrr!
Lan & Moiraine: [Tangoing back and forth across the dance floor, they, too neglect the Angry Man In The Corner...]
Angry Man In The Corner: AAARRRGH!
Rand: [Hopping up and down to the thumping rap rhythm] [Is distracted by the Angry gaze of the Angry Man In The Corner]
Angry Man In The Corner: Arrrrggggghhh...
Mat: [Head-bangin’ with a stray, idle waitress, catches out of the corner of his eye the angry sneer of the Angry Man In The Corner]
Angry Man In The Corner: Blublublub...
Perrin: [Doin’ it John Travolta style, inadvertently finds his gaze sidetracked and starin’ directly into the Angry Man In The Corner’s eyes]
Angry Man In The Corner: [Flapping his ears back and forth] Wooooo, woooo!
Egwene: [Jumpin’, jivin’, and wailin’, spins around to find herself tête-à-tête with the Angry Man In The Corner.
Angry Man In The Corner: Shwakka-wakka!
Nynaeve: [Wildly screaming in enjoyment as she leaps about in mad uncoordination, whips her bouncing head around to see...]
Angry Man In The Corner: Vhat? Vhat vould you do, voman?
Moiraine: [Absent-mindedly square-dancing by herself, glances over and sees...]
Angry Man In The Corner: Boom, shucka-lucka-lucka!
Lan: [Concentrating deeply on his can-can jig, glimpses the Angry Man In The Corner...]
Angry Man In The Corner: Shnerp gerflunk. Meep-meep!
Chewebacca: AARRRGGGGH!
Angry Man In The Corner: Grrr...

[Slowly, the songs die down into softer melodies, and one-by-one people drift off. A few nomadic dancers stumble upon the realization that there is nobody left dancing, and wander off. The disco ball is turned off, and as "Doctor Feelgood" packs up his equipment, Lan approaches an exhausted Rand.]
Lan: We leave at first light. Get some sleep.
Rand: Mumblehuzza wuzza buhar? I’zamama gonna go get ssssome uh ssome some mi mi uh mi some milk. 
[It was past midnight.]
Rand: [Lurching into the kitchen, spills himself a glass o’ milk, and meanders clumsily back out, on his way upstairs.]
["Imminent Demise of Protagonist" music booms from the subliminal as an unmistakably evil shape slips through the shadows and materializes in front of Rand. A Myrdraal!]
Rand: AAAAAH!
Myrdraal: You’re one of THEM, boy!
Rand: How come you have eyes??
Myrdraal: Er...
Rand: But you have no nose!
Myrdraal: Um...
Rand: And you-
Myrdraal: Look, just leave me alone, okay?!! It’s not as though I don’t get enough abuse from my associates back at the office! [Sobs] You insensitive creep...
Rand: I’m sorry if I offended you, mister. I was just asking what happened!
Myrdraal: JUST LAY OFF THE BOGUS EMPATHY, WOULD YA??!! If you MUST know, it could be summed up by saying the new replacement for Mr. I is a tad inept.
Rand: So wh-
Myrdraal: JUST CUT ME A LITTLE SLACK, OKAY?!! I’m still severely traumatized by this whole ordeal. You have no idea...[Weeps hysterically] You have no bloody flaming CLUE what it’s like to live like this!! So until you’ve experienced the pain of this...this...this big stupid ugly crappy mess!, don’t you dare go making snide remarks like, "Hey, two-eyes" or something heartless like that...
Rand: I’m sorr-
Mydraal: SHUT UP, YOU UNMERCIFUL BRUTE! [Weeping emotionally, storms out of the room]
Lan: [LEAPS down the stairs, landing with a BLAM!] Where is he?!
Rand: Uh...[Points out where the Myrdraal went]
Lan: [Censored]!...[Turns to Rand, wide-eyed] YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS??
Rand: I-
Lan: IT MEANS WE LEAVE TONIGHT, BOY!
Rand: But-
Lan: NO BUTS! Pack your bags; let’s blow this popsicle stand! QUICKLY!
Rand: I-
Lan: Look, we’re already pressed for time. We don’t even have time for commercials this episode!
Audience: BOOOOO!
Lan: Don’t worry, we’ll compensate.
Audience: YAAAAAH!
Lan: [Turning to the camera, and holding up a food processor] With this all new, slicin’, dicin’, mincin’ & micin’, Shaidar 2000 Food Processor, yours today for only three monthly installments of $29.87!
Audience: YAAAAAH!

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[Lan has filled everyone in on his decision to leave, and given Thom the option to come with ‘em or stay here.] 
Thom: There ain’t no CHANCE [Snicker] in the world you’re gonna leave me here. I’m comin’ with you!
Lan: To the Millennium Stallion!
[The crew bolts outside to the stables, mounts their horses, and ride off into the sunset.]
SFX: WHAM!
[...unfortunately, it was already nightfall, and there was a large city gate barring their way.]
Lan: [To the gatekeeper] We need a miracle. It’s very important. ...we’re in a terrible rush.
Gatekeeper (Miracle Max): Don’t rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles. You got any money?
Lan: Sixty-five.
Max: Sheesh! I never worked for so little; except once, and that was a very noble cause.
Lan: This is noble, sir. His wife [Points at Thom] is...crippled...children on the brink of starvation...
Max: Are you a rotten liar.
Lan: I need you to open the gate to help me and my friends escape.
Max: Your first story was better. [Starts to open the gate nonetheless.]
Whitecloak: [Appearing out of nowhere] What’s this? Darkfriends?!
Max: Ooo-to-toooo! Look who knows so much, eh? It just so happens that your friends here are only mostly Darkfriend. There’s a big difference between mostly Darkfriend, and all Darkfriend. Please, open his mouth.
Whitecloak: [Opens Lan’s mouth]
Max: [Inserts bellows cramp into his mouth]
Lan: Arggheahmmplhe! 
Max: Now, mostly Darkfriend is slightly Lightfriend. Now, all Darkfriend...well, with all Darkfriend, there’s usually only one thing that you can do.
Whitecloak: What’s that?
Max: Report ‘em to you! Jeez, what’d you expect me to say? "Go through his pockets and look for loose change"?!
Whitecloak: Uh...[Searches for a witty comeback] [Finds nothing] Um...[Points at the group] Darkfriends! Die!
Moiraine: [Suddenly appearing to be thirty feet tall, looms over the Whitecloak and his four companions.] I AM DE DWED PIWATE WOBETTS. DEW WIW BE NO SUWVIVOWS!
Whitecloak: Stand your ground, men! Stand your ground!
Rand: Now?
Lan: Not yet.
Moiraine: MY MEN AW HEEW! I AM HEEW! BUT SOON YOU WIW NOT BE HEEW..
Rand: Now?!
Lan: Light ‘im.
Rand: [Lights Moiraine holocaust cloak with a torch]
Moiraine: DE DWED PIWATE WOBETTS TAKES NO SUWVIVOWS! AW YOW WOWST NIGHTMAWES AW ABOUT TO COME TWUE! THE DWED PIWATE WOBBETS IS HEEW FOW YOW SOUW!!
Whitecloak: Stand your ground!
Whitecloak Cohorts: [Run]
Whitecloak: [Begins lowering the portcullis]
Rand: Lan, the portcullis!
Lan: [Lifts the portcullis]
Mat: Give us the gate key.
Whitecloak: I have no gate key.
Rand: Lan, tear his arms off.
Whitecloak: Oh, you mean this gate key! [Hands them the gate key.]
Lan: [Unlocks the gate, and the whole crew charges outside.]
Max & Valerie: Bye -bye, boys! Have fun stormin’ the castle!
Valerie: Think it’ll woik?
Max: It’ll take a miracle.
Max & Valerie: B’bye!

[Lan and Co. are charging t’wards freedom in the Millennium Stallion. Moiraine chances a look back, and notices...]
Moiraine: Hey! They burnt the Stag and Lion!
Thom: They burnt Dr. Feelgood’s Groove Station??! The bloody flaming Light-blasted dogs!
Lan: No time to lose. Hyperspeed, Chewey!
Chewebacca: Aorrrgh!

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[An hour’s fitful rest heralds an indistinct dawn, and once again our Hero™’s mount their horses and continue, in constant fear of pursuit by Trollocs. The need for speed forces them to eat breakfast on the run. The same ol’ food, as usual...]
Egwene: [Sigh] I used to like cheese.
Mat: What??
Egwene: Cheese! Haha! I used to like cheese...but then again, that was before the deep-fried headless Chinese water buffalo were forced to surrender to the will of the cosmic duck and-
Rand: I want some tea.
Egwene: ...and - what?
Rand: I said I want some tea.
Lan: NO!! NO TEA! [Looks around suspiciously] [Quietly] Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they’re not there. [Turns to the camera and smiles] But just because you’re not there, doesn’t mean you don’t care. And you can let them know you care, with WOTtel’s special long distance saving’s plan - a flat monthly rate of $15! Telling your loved one’s you care has never been easier.
Rand: [Whispering to Mat] What’s up with Lan?
Mat: Er...Pablo said he didn’t have time for commercials this episode, so this is his so-called "compensation".
Rand: Ahh...I see.
SFX: Toot!
Moiraine: [Gasp]! Trolloc hunting horns! They’re getting closer!
Egwene: Run!
Moiraine: I think not, child. 
Egwene: Why not?
Moiraine: Well, there’s no need to, with this fantastic new Trolloc-B-Gone spray! Just spray a little on your skin, and no more pesky Trollocs to come running after you with scythes! Only $75.99!
Trollocs In The Distance: GRRRR!
Egwene: How ‘bout we run anyway?
Moiraine: [Shrugs] Fine with me. [Turns to the audience.] Because we can afford to, with this healthy, innovative, and all-together GOOD - EnemySprint energy bar! Flee the seething Trolloc hordes and still have enough energy to battle them once they catch you!
Lan: Keep going!! I gotta double back and get the scoop!
SFX: Stompstompstomp. [Marching Trolloc Hordes SFX]
Rand: [Nervously] Can we hurry up?
Everybody: [Gallop, gallop]
Lan: [Charging madly to catch up to Everybody] Hey Everybody!
Everybody: Yeah?
Lan: We’re bein’ tailed by five hundred blood thirsty demonic half-humans wielding dangerous implements of war!
Everybody: [Gasp]!
Nynaeve: What do we do??! Where do we go??!
Moiraine: Beats me. But, at least, with this convenient, all-inclusive map of the world of the Wheel by TopoGraph Co., I can analyze my options without having to rely on my memory!
Audience: YAAAAAAH!
Lan: Welll...there IS one place where the Trolloc won’t go...
Moiraine: [Filled with dread] NO!
Thom: Not...[Gasps as he realizes...]- is it?
Moiraine: [Face turns a whiter shade of pale] Anything but-
Thom: You can’t mean-
Moiraine: Not-
Thom: [Breathily] McDonald’s....
Egwene: [Faints in terror]
Everybody: NOOOOOOO!
Lan: Okay, okay. Just a suggestion. Sheesh...
Moiraine: We go north.
Rand: How do we know which way’s north?
Lan: Easy! With this handy...
Everybody: [Grooooan...]
Lan: Er...forget it. Let’s just go.
Everybody: [Gallops north]
[Over the rooolling hills they ride, topping one, galloping down another, uuuuup another, down the next, then uuuup again, and suddenly-]
Everybody: [Gasp]!
Huge Milling Trolloc Mob: BOO!
Myrdraal In The Centre, Leading The Mob: Hardy-har-har-har...
Trollocs: [Scrambling forward shouting harshly and flailing their weapons wildly] 
Lan: Stick with me! [Plunges into the heat of the battle, waving his sword.] FOR THE SEVEN TOWERS!
Rand: [Brandishes his HeronSabre...]
SFX: Vmmm, vmmm!
Rand: [Dives into the milling mass] MANETHEREN, MANETHEREN!
Perrin: [Pulling out his axe and, lacking inspiration, mimics Rand’s "battle cry"] MANETHEREN, MANETHEREN!
Mat: [Looking deeper and finding the deep-down Reservoir of Originality, cries...] CARAI AN CALZADAR! CARAI AN ELLISANDE! AL JABBA THE HUTT!
Rand: Yeeeeee-haw! [Drives his HeronSabre home]
Perrin: [Slams his axe through the skull of an enemy] Mwahaha...
Mat: [Glaring at a Trolloc] You feelin’ lucky, punk? [Fires an arrow through the Trolloc’ eyeball]
Lan: HI-YAAAAH! [Slices of a Myrdraal’s head]
Myrdraal: [Thrashing around like a Myrdraal with his head cut off, flailing and waving its arms around madly]
Thom: It’s only mostly dead...
Rand: [Confused] What??!
Thom: Uh...or so I’ve been told.
Three Myrdraal Suddenly Appearing: Aarrrgh!
Moiraine: [Fed up] That’s it. [Slams her staff into the ground...]
[The ground trembles, shakes, shivers, heaves, groooooans, ripples...the ripples turn to waves, and the waves turn against the Trollocs, flinging them aside. Nearby trees crash down upon their toppled forms. Suddenly, with a fancy motion from Moiraine, a wall of fire flashes up in front of them, blocking the Trollocs’ and Myrdraal’s access to them. The flaming wall burns higher and higher...]
Moiraine: RUN!!!
Everybody: [Galloping through the fire faster than a hedgehog with a jet engine strapped to its back, they run and run and run and run. Over the hills, around the bends, down the roads, our party gallops. Horses nostrils’ steaming and rider’s panting, after covering a bloody good distance...]
Lan: HALT!
SFX: [Screeeeech!]
Everybody: [Siiiiigh...]
[All is silent as our Hero™’s pause to regain their breath. The current threat of Trollocs down over and done with, our Hero™’s can gasp and pant in peace. After a few minutes, somebody finally speaks.]
Egwene: Mat...what the heck were you yelling at the Trollocs??
Mat: I-I...I don’t know.
Moiraine: He was shouting the battle cry of Manetheren, as passed down from generation to generation through the blood. "Carai an calzadar! Carai an Ellisande! Al Jabba the Hutt!" It means "Carry my calendar! Carry my elephant! And hop to it!" [Turns to Mat, beaming proudly]
Mat: [Blushes]
Moiraine: Aw, there’s no need to blush. At least, not with this han-
Everybody: [Grooooan...]
Moiraine: [Unconcerned shrug] Shouldn’t we get going, Lan?
Lan: [Cough, cough]
Moiraine: [Slaps herself on the forehead] Oh yeah!
Nynaeve: What??
Moiraine: [Lays her staff on Nynaeve’s head] 
Nynaeve: Hey, wha-[Stops short as she shudders and siiiighs...] Whoooa...
Moriaine: [Repeats the steps with everybody else, and soon all are refreshed and ready to go.]
Lan: Follow me. [Mounting his horse and trotting into the darkness]
Everybody: [Mount their horses and follow after]
[Not half an hour’s ride, and the party suddenly stops short.]
Rand: [Catches sight of a vertical wall towering overhead]
Mat: [Noticing crumbling brick lining the top.]
Perrin: [Sees the corroded towers adorning the wall]
Rand, Mat, and Perrin: [Gasp]! A city...
Egwene: A city? Out here?!
Nynaeve: What’s with all those vines covering the wall?
Perrin: There are no people...
Mat: And the maintenance work ain’t nothin’ to be proud of.
Lan: [Gruffly] That ain’t no city, sheepherder
Moiraine: That was a city. But not anymore...
Egwene: What was it called? I don’t remember seeing this on papa’s map...
Moiraine: It was called Aridhol. But after the Trolloc Wars....the city died. It’s now called by an entirely different name...
Mat: What name?
Moiraine: [Darkly] It is called Shadar Logoth. It means... "Time to Die". We camp here tonight.
Everybody: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

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Raina's Hold / Raina's Library / Other People's Humour / WheelWars