It's that time again! No, not time to go to work! It's time for another episode of... Sliders: The Rejected Episodes A continuing fanfic by Kristin Taylor Episode 2: "Joking Around" [It was a dark and stormy...day. People were going about their normal, every day business. Nothing much happened. Twelve hours later, at night, a vortex opened in an alley. Maggie hits the ground, does a barrel roll, and crashes into some trash cans. The other three land with minor mishaps. Rembrandt stares at Maggie and bursts out laughing. The others join in while Maggie fumes.] Maggie: Will you guys stop laughing? [They stop...barely. Rembrandt goes over to Maggie and helps her up. She's covered in trash. A banana peel slides off of her head and some glop lands on her nose. The others stare at her and promptly began to laugh again.] Maggie: I said, quit it! [Rembrant and Quinn stop. Wade finally regains her breath and wipes the tears out of her eyes. She smiles apolegetically. Rembrandt, the closest to Maggie, suddenly frowns.] Remmy: Whoo! Oh man, Maggie, you stink! Quinn: Let's get to the Dominion and get you cleaned up. [Kristin walks past the screen, holding a sign which reads: Five minutes and four showers later...] Maggie: Ah, there's nothing like a shower to make you feel clean again. Remmy: I heard that, girl! Quinn: Hey Wade, how much time on this world? [Wade looks at the timer.] Wade: A little under an hour. Quinn: Only an hour? Seems like it should be longer. Remmy: Yeah, sometimes it seems like we're stuck on the same world for days. [Maggie chuckles at a private joke. While they're relaxing, the door is kicked open and several police officers point guns at the Sliders.] Cop: Freeze! You're all under arrest! Maggie: Arrest? For what? Cop: Being human. [There is total silence.] Wade: Did I hear that correctly? Cop: Get your things and go outside. {The author feels as if it's a good time to ask this: If several police officers confront you and arrest for being human, what would you do? Umm. I'll be right back. } [Quinn frowns.] Quinn: Oh great, now what are we supposed to do? Maggie (shrugs): Wait for her to get back? Cop: Anyone up for a drink and some poker? (stares at Maggie) Hey babe, how about you and me play some strip poker? [Maggie considers.] Maggie: Okay. [The cop and Maggie leave. The others sigh and make themselves comfortable.] Wade: Wait a minute, if the Author is outside, who's been writing this so far? [Everyone gets an eriee feeling and they gaze around suspiciously.] {Umm, no one's been writing. Yeah, that's it. You guys are just imagining things. Uh oh...Well, um... I can explain, Kristin. Really I can! Let go of me, human! YOWL! *SLAM* And stay out you stupid cat! I'm truly sorry, folks. I didn't know my cat could type. For that matter, I didn't know he could talk either. Now, where were we?} Quinn: You were about to cut to a commercial break. {I was? Oh I guess I was. Well, then.} ***Commercial!*** [It's the start of one of those Mentos commercials. You know, the one where that guy kicks his soccer ball into the people's backyard. Well, just as Mr. Soccer Guy goes and pops the Mentos into his mouth, a second soccer ball beans him in the back of the head. He begans to choke on the Mento. Two teenage girls walk into the camera shot. The white girl is dressed in a white Umbro shirt and black Umbro shorts. The black girl is wearing black denim jeans and another white Umbro shirt.] Christina (girl in shorts. Picks up her soccer ball. Is oblivous to the man she hit.): Kristin, where are we? Kristin (girl in pants. Watching man's pathetic attempts to hack up the mint and starts to grin.): I don't know. This is so wierd! Christina (Still hasn't realized that man she hit is choking): What is? Kristin (annoyed): You moron! We're in a Mentos commercial! Christina (finally notices man that's still choking and that all of the Wedding guests are staring at them. Softly, as if realizing what she has done.) Uh oh. [The Mentos Man decides that now is as good of a time as any to die. He collapses and dies. There is a total silence. The guests began to grumble angriliy and there are calls for someone to get the police.] Kristin (whispers): Oh boy. Now you've done it. Christina (also whispering): Will you shut up? I don't want to go to jail! There's got to be a way out of this. (She grabs Kristin by the shoulders and starts shaking her while screaming) You're the smart one! Think of something! Kristin: I can't think when you're shaking me! (Christina releases her. Kristin massages her shoulders and glares at Christina.) And since when did I become the smart one? You're the one with the B in Math, I got a D. [The crowd advances on the two teens. In a desperate attempt to get and idea out of Kristin, Christina holds her fist in front of the other girl's face.] Christina (growling in a very deadly voice): Think, you moron. Or else I'll beat the crap out of you! [Kristin mutters fiercly under her breath and looks around. In a flash of insperation, she stoops and pulls something out of the dead man's hand. She pops a Mento into her mouth and motions for Christina to do likewise.] Kristin (whispers): Just follow me. [Kristin moves towards the crowd and flashes them a brilliant grin. When the crowd glares at her, she holds up the pack of Mentos and gives them a 'thumbs up' sign. The crowd goes "Oh" and nods in understanding. They part to let the two teenagers through.] Kristin (tosses the pack over her shoulder): What a bunch of morons. Christina: Yeah, but I still want to know how we got in England... ***Back to Sliders*** [When we last left the Sliders, everyone, with the exception of Maggie and a certain cop, were bored out of their minds. With nothing to do, they've resorted to telling stories and doing 'bonding' stuff.] Wade (finishing up a long speech): And that is why the book Farenheight 451 should be burned. Various Cop: You have too much time on your hands, don't you? Wade: Oh shut up. [Maggie comes back in. She has a satisfied smile on her face and actually seems...nice...to Wade.] Quinn: So, who won? Maggie: I did. He lost every hand. Wade: Then why are you grinning? Maggie: His wife came up and started yelling at him. I got to keep his pants, and the one hundred bucks in the back pocket. What have you guys been up to? Remmy: Nothin' much. [Maggie picks up the timer and looks at it.] Maggie: Well, we've got about fifteen minutes till we slide, so let's catch a quick bite to eat at the bar downstairs. [The others heartily agree and they all troop out. Only the police officers are left.] Cop: Um, what about us? We were supposed to arrest them. Second cop: Hmm... I guess we don't. Besides, we wasted most of the episode sitting around doing nothing. Third cop: Yep, we did. [The three cops look from one to another.] First Cop: You guys wanna go get some donuts? Other two cops: Sure. [They leave.] ***The End*** Now some people may ask, "What's the point of this episode?" To those people, I say "Go away!" If I had intended there to be a point, it wouldn't be funny now would it? I don't think so. (BTW that's how Christina and I really act towards one another. We really do argue that much. But for the purposes of this story, we've refrained from killing one another.) Oh well, contact me at sailorfalcon@mailexcite.com if you want to send comments. Otherwise, let me sleep. This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.