hogfather

*'i'm a wizard!we can see things that are raelly there,you know',said ridcully.'and in case of the bursar,things that are'nt there,too'.

*'though here's a tip,though.just "ho.ho.ho",will do.dont say,"cower,brief mortals" unless you want them to grow up to be money-lenders or some such'.

(albert explains to Death how to act like the hogfather)

*'they're supposed to thank you',said albert.

ARE YOU SURE? PEOPLE DONT,NORMALLY.

(Death gives presents to children in the maul)

*'hooray for the pink,grey and green',said the bursar.

*'are you ready,Mr dinwiddie?'

'yes,thank you,a green one with cinnamon if it's not too much trouble'.

(ponder stibbons asks the bursar if he's ready to talk with HEX)

*(now here is the dialouge between the bursar and HEX,and for the first time,the bursar will have nothing to say)

'corkscrew?i'ts a tickler,that's what nanny says'.

+++why do you think you are a tickler?+++

for a moment the bursar hesitated.then he said,'i've got a spoon of my own,you know'.

+++tell me about your spoon+++

'er...i'ts a little spoon...'

+++does your spoon worry you?+++

the bursar frowned.then he seemed to rally.

'whoops,here comes Mr jelly',he said,but he did'nt sound as though his heart was in it.

+++how long have you been Mr jelly?+++

the bursar glared.'are you making fun of me?' he said.

*'i know what's good for a hangover',said the dean.

they looked at him expectantly.

'drinking heavily the previous night!' he said.

(the wizards try to cure the oh god of hangovers from his hangovers)

*'cheerfulness has always got me down',said the dean.

*'hogswatch is coming,

the pig is getting fat,

please put a dollar in the old man's hat

if you ain't got a dollar a penny will do-'

'and if you ain't got a penny',foul ole ron yodelled,solo,'then-fghfgh yffg mfmfmf...'

*'how do you spell "electricity",sir?'

ridcully thought for a while.'you know,i dont think i ever do'.

*IT WAS'NT STEALING.IT WAS JUST...REDISRIBUTION.IT WILL BE A GOOD DEED IN A NAUGHTY WORLD.

'no,it wont!'

THEN IT WILL BE A NAUGHTY DEED IN A NAUGHTY WORLD AND WILL PASS COMPLETELY UNNOTICED.

*'you all right,old fellow?' said ridcully.'what's eleven per cent of 1276?'

'one hundred and forty point three six',said the bursar promptly.

'ah,right as rain',said ridcully cheerfully.

'i dont see why',said the chair of indefinite studies.'just because he can do things with numbers does'nt mean everything else is fine'.

'does'nt need to be',said ridcully.'numbers is what he has to do.the poor chap might be slightly yoyo,but i've been reading about it.he's one of these idiot servants'.

'savants',said the dean patiently.'the word is savants,ridcully.'

'whatever.those chaps who can tell you what day of the week the first of grune was a hundred years ago-'

'-tuseday-' said the bursar.

'-but cant tie their bootlaces',said ridcully.