Born and raised in London, I now call the Royal Palace at Whitehall my home, having dwelt thither, first as Prince, and now, as King for much of the 50 years of lifetime I have spent hither 'pon this glorious Earth. If you have ever seen Our Royal Person skinny-dipping, that's only because I prefer to do the balance of that in the Royal Treasury! A Monarch and his money are always a symbol of riches and power, it hath been observ'd! My favorite color, if I have been known to have such, is yellow, because 'tis daffodils that are My favorite flowers; from what Master Blackwolf hath told Me, there is a wonderful Daffodil Festival held each year in that land ye Mundaners call Pierce County, Washington; I must make a note to visit thither one of these days. Eleanor, I think, would love all the flowers and such; so too, I suspect, would my eight lovely daughters: the Royal Brood, as I call them --- the Princesses Elizabeth, Margaret, Christina, Jane, Anne, Constance, Catherine and Mary!
While 'tis always Mine intent to never offend or make fun of people maliciously, I have to often remind My subjects that there are many reasons as to why i am their King; the purpose of these pages is to let ye know of some of what I do, and how I do it. So let us begin by briefly examining how I first encountered some of My closest Royal Friends and Confidantes, many of whom you may meet (along with the Queen and I, of course!) on the grounds of the Kansas City Renaissance Festival at Bonner Springs!
I recall how a few years back, We did appoint Sir Geoffrey as our first Captain of the Royal Guard. He did serve faithfully and with honor for many years, defending the land with all that ever was in him. What more could ye ask, say I, of a man who was both friend and Royal Servant? I do wonder what hath become of dear Geoffrey these days anon. Last I heard tell, he had begun exhibiting his prowess as one of England's best and proudest wrestlers; indeed, of yore, I once battled him --- and he even let Me win a battle or two! (Well, once in a while, he did, anyway!) But since that time, wise and noble Phoebus hath assumed the Captaincy of the Royal Guard; he remaineth in that capacity for now until his own impending retirement. I hope that that shall not take place for a while to come!
Another of My Royal Friends, one Avery Rochester, first encountered Me while on one of his excursions as a Falconer. Ultimately, I named him My first Royal Falconer; he remains thus as I speak. Not only was his bird remarkable, in fact, he made Me a gift of it. And what Royal Progress, I ask ye, would be complete, without greeting Their Highnesses, the Duke and Duchess of York? Even now there is not a day that goes by when I have not been able to recall a time I have spent in their delightful company.
My first great Court Jester, and perhaps the best of them thus far, if I do say so Myself, was the remarkable Giacomo! I had hired him after an "accident" in which he had tripped and fallen while carrying a load of pies. Those pies ended up splattering the finery of that blowhard Duke of Sussex, whom I had just lost to in a game of draughts. (Kings, as you know, have this little thing about not liking losing.) In any case, when Giacomo looked up at Me, I knew right away that I had found my Court Jester! Since then, I have told him a great many things which the rest of Our Courtiers should ne'er dain to hear. And I continue to trust 'pon his very life that they never will!
Let's see, who else amongst Our Royal Friends canst I speak of before ye? Ah yes, there's good ol' Maestro, beloved and honor'd Gypsy Knight, and brother of the Queen. He and I used to visit the Gypsies' parties each night after My parents had fallen asleep. Despite the fact that he wanted to be elevated into the nobility because his sister was now the Queen, I could not do so; better things have I to do than to have an entire plague of Gypsies invading my Castle. Nonetheless, Maestro and I remain the best of friends.
The ladies have many pets, if thou wert asking, My friends. The horse and falcons always come whene'er I whistle --- although, I must admit there is one animal in our family of pets that does tend to make My Royal Blood boil at times: that weird-looking lemur the Empress of Madagascar gave to the Queen! She loves to hang about the Royal Tapestries, and then just scream at nothing in particular. Oh yeah, did I mention that the little devil stinks? Believe Me, goodlies, thou hast seen rodents in Our lands, but thou has yet to encounter a rodent more loathsome than that @#%^$&! lemur!
There are many, many more tales I could tell ye about My Royal Person; but now, if thou wouldst, click ye hither to greet my lovely and ever charming wife and consort, Her Most Royal Majesty, Queen Eleanor!
