"Got everything?" Ren whispered to Laura as they made their way to the dark pink Caddy that was parked in the lower garage of the Mansion. They had just left Laura's room via the hidden passageway behind the bookshelf and were quite pleased that they hadn't gotten lost in the process. The music of "Kung Fu Fighting" played constantly on speakers mounted in the dark passageway. It was helpful in getting them psyched up for the mission.

"I think so. Let me double check my list." The Dark CERK Perk reached into a compartment of her Dark Perk Utility Belt and pulled out a small slip of paper. She glanced over it, nodded to the Dark Pink Ninja, and handed her the list. Ren quickly scanned the small list and then put the scrap of paper in a hidden pocket. "I can't believe that we are actually going to do this. I'm torn here....but justice must be served and we have to get Mary back!

"We gave our word long ago that we would come to her rescue should anything happen to her. I know we expected an attack by the Ratpackers, but we have to roll with the punches. No matter what that means. Besides...this could work out in our favor." The Ninja smiled a knowing smile at her sidekick and waggled her eyebrows in a suggestive manner. "Too true," Laura answered with a predatory grin. They reached the Caddy -- got inside and started up the engine. The Peter Gunn Theme poured from the speakers as they made their way out of the bat cave and out onto the streets of Toronto.

They were silent for a moment as they both thought back over the mysterious happenings that had propelled them onto this mission. . .

Night had fallen over Dark Perk Mansion and the soothing sounds of sword fighting and target practice had vanished as most of the Thugs headed out to engage in various and sundry Dark Perkish evening activities.

As the convoy of motorcycles and cars headed out into the night Shana, Laura and Ren stood at the front door and waved. They, along with Mary, had decided to stay at the mansion and work on the new shrine they were building in honor of spike heels. When the last tail light had vanished Shana closed the door and the three DP's, each wearing a pair of dark pink spike heeled pumps in varying degrees of height starting at 3 inches and ending at 5 inches, turned and headed toward the staircase under which the Dark Perks kept their various shrines.

They were stopped in their well heeled tracks by the sound of a crash and horrible high pitched shrieking and wailing. Laura turned visibly pale and gasped, "That wasn't 'The Mirror' was it?" (The Mirror being a magic mirror that came with the mansion which would, occasionally, give the Perks tantalizing glimpses of their favorite Forever Knight characters in various stages of undress.)

As the caterwauling continued, Ren listened carefully and said, "I don't think so, the noise is coming from the kitchen!" Looks of pure terror crossed all of their faces as in unison they screamed, "THE COFFEE!!!"

They took off running (which, considering the height of their heels, was an entertaining sight indeed) fully prepared to fight to the death to protect the 'Perfect Beans'. They slid into the kitchen leaving long black skid marks on the shiny tile floor as they went.

Mrs. Hitchcock, the housekeeper of Dark Perk Mansion, stood near the back door, tears running down her face, her open mouth producing the vile Siamese Cat like yowling that had brought Shana, Ren and Laura running. They stood mute for a moment, shocked that this feisty, self-sufficient, usually nasty woman had been reduced to a sniveling mess.

Carefully stepping over a mass of still bubbling glop which lay oozing out of an overturned pot on the floor Shana grabbed the hysterical woman by the shoulders and gently shook her, "Mrs. Hitchcock, what happened?"

The older woman stopped screaming and with wide wild eyes pointed to the door. In a hoarse voice she said, "He took her!! He took her!! He took Mary! He showed up here in my kitchen and he took her!"

At this the three Perks gasped. Someone had taken their beloved List Mommy. Mary, the GodMother of the Dark Perks had been kidnapped!!! Renee and Laura locked gazes. They knew what they must do. This was a job which called for the special talents of the Dark Pink Ninja and her trusty sidekick The Dark CERK Perk.

"The Ratpack!" Ren and Laura announced together. Mary had been threatened with kidnapping by that faction quite early on in the history of the Dark Perks. This threat was what had brought the Ninja and The Dark CERK Perk together in the first place. They had sworn then to save Mary and that promise still held.

"Was it The Ratpack, Mrs. Hitchcock?" Shana asked the now silent housekeeper.

"Ratpack? No!! It was the tall good looking one. You know, blue eyes, spiked hair, good dresser, great voice." Mrs. Hitchcock spat out.

"LaCroix?" Three voices announced in perfect harmony.

"Well of course! Why else would I be screaming!" Mrs. Hitchcock snorted and turned away in disgust.

Ren looked again toward Laura and said, "To the Ninja cave, we're needed!"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"You have a plan, right?" Laura asked Ren as she pulled the Pinkmobile out onto the road and headed towards the city of the Knight.

"Of course. It's simple. The plan is to rescue Mary." The Dark Pink Ninja looked innocently at her sidekick as she pondered the question of how this was really going to work out. After all, the Dark Perk Duo had trained for just this ocassion for months, but this would be the first test of their abilities.

"That's it: rescue Mary. Okay...that's a good plan. I like it!" Laura turned the volume up on the stereo, pulled out the tape that had been playing, and tuned the radio into CERK. The soft strains of Beetoven's 'Moonlight Sonata' serenaded the duo as they made their way to the target. "So, when we get there....we're going to....?" Laura asked, the questioning tone suggesting that she herself had no clue as to what their plan of action was to be.

"Let's just get there first. One step at a time." The Ninja seemed confident, though there was a slight hesitation in her voice.

As they neared the radio station, the music faded, and an oh-so familiar voice purred out of the speakers: "You're with the NightCrawler on C - E - R -K, and tonight's topic is abduction of the heart." Laura and Ren looked at each other in shock...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Listen to him!" Ren exclaimed, "He's actually bragging about kidnapping Mary!"

When she received no reply from Laura, Ren glanced over and found her faithful side-kick glassy eyed and staring at the radio as the NightCrawler's velvet voice seductively filled the air.

"LAURA!!

The nearly swooning Dark CERK Perk was rudely yanked back to reality. "What?" She asked blinking.

"We're on a mission, remember? There's no time for that stuff, well, not right now anyway." With that the Dark Pink Ninja executed a perfect 'Blues Brothers' parallel park manuever directly in front of the CERK building.

Laura got out and proceeded to inspect the car's resting position. Impressed she nodded her head and said, "Very, very good Ninja. I can't believe how much you've improved since the first time."

The Ninja grimaced and replied, "Yeah well, Nick was taking up two spots anyway and besides his Caddy was just crying out for a new bumper. I just helped it along a bit, he should thank me!"

The duo looked at each other and grinned. Then they stared up at the glowing CERK sign for a moment and with a determined look on their faces they moved off together in perfect unison toward their destiny.

"Ummm Ren?" Laura hesitantly began "Where are we going?"

"Into the station." Ren matter of factly replied.

Laura felt her stomach drop, "I can see that, but we're walking in the front door."

Ren grinned and tightened the belt of her dark pink Shinobi Shozoku (Ninja's traditional outfit), "Sensai always taught me that the best way to confront your enemy is directly."

"Now, Ren let's talk this over before . . . " But it was too late. The Ninja pushed open the front door and entered the lair of the NightCrawler.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Laura followed the Ninja. As a faithful sidekick, she really had no choice! Besides...this was the home of the NightCrawler and there was absolutely no way she was going to miss a chance to be near the source of that luciously hypnotic voice, even if that source was a kidnapper! As they passed through the darkened corridor, Ren caught a glimpse of a flashing red light. "There!" Ren said as she pointed to the door that obviously lead to the main studio. The flashing 'on the air' light was glowing above the entrance. "We'll need to find a different way."

"Right...uh...I think I know where we should..." the Dark CERK Perk stopped mid-sentence when a tall blonde woman appeared in front of them. She was attractive and dressed to the nines.

"Hello. May I help you?" The duo, both wearing that "deer caught in the headlights" expression, just stared at the owner of the unexpected greeting. "I said...may I help you? Are you here to talk to the station manager? If you are, you'll have to have a seat and wait. He stepped out of the office for a while."

"That's right," Laura recovered enough to stammer. "We're here to talk to the station manager about..."

"Life insurance!" Ren finished for her. Laura nodded in agreement. "Um...Can we get some coffee while we wait?"

The leggy blonde looked at them and smirked. "Sure. There's a coffee shop on the next corner. Help yourself. I don't *do* coffee.

I'm a receptionist. I answer phones and greet guests. And right now, I'm on my way out the door for a date with a nice rich old man. Have a good evening." She was gone in a flash, leaving behind a rather confused pair of Dark Perks.

"Well...at least we're alone again. That's the important thing."

"Yeah...but coffee would have been a nice gesture," Ren answered wistfully.

"True...which is why I always have a thermos of hot coffee on my Dark Perk utility belt !" With a flourish, the Dark CERK Perk produced a black thermos and two collapsable coffee mugs from behind her back and then poured them each a cup of Double Mocha. As they savored the taste of the revered beverage, Laura picked up where she'd left off before they were interrupted. "We need to find the transmitter room."

"Is that it?" Ren said as she pointed the door marked "Transmitter Room" next to the studio door. Laura rolled her eyes and then quietly opened the door. Making sure the room was empty of any personnel, they slipped inside and closed the door behind them.

***********
Five minutes later, the daring duo exited the tiny room and dropped to the floor. They crawled past the studio window and found an office to hide in. "Now!" Ren ordered, and Laura pushed the button on the small remote she'd been carrying. Immediately, everything in the building went dark...and silent. CERK was off the air.

************
Lacroix could see quite clearly, and easily made his way to the transmitter room. He opened the door and a shower of sparks illuminated the darkness. A small explosive device had been detonated in the main control box, effectively shutting down the broadcasting transmitter and kicking off the building lights as well. The ancient vampire glared at the vandalized circuits just as the smoke activated the sprinkler system. Lacroix was *not* amused.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

At the same time in the office of 'Sledge Stone CERK News Hawk' one very wet Dark Pink Ninja and her equally wet sidekick lay in wait for their chance. The streetlights outside had not been affected by the blast and their glow softly illuminated the room through the windows.

"You should see the junk this weirdo has in his desk!" The Dark CERK Perk whispered as she dangled a dark pink garter belt from the tip of an ink pen. "You know I always suspected this guy was hiding something."

From her spot peeking out at the hallway through the closed window blind the Ninja glanced over her shoulder at Laura and gasped, "Laura, you picked the locks on his desk drawers?"

"Well, how else was I supposed to find out what was in 'em?" Laura innocently replied while she examined a pair of size 13 wide purple pumps.

Ren shook her head in disbelief and started to say something when a loud crash and shouted vulgarities came from behind the closed transmitter room door.

Producing a Shuriken from a hidden pocket the Ninja smiled confidently and said, "It's sounds like he'll be busy for a while, let's go save us a List Mommy!"

Laura looked doubtfully at the star shaped blade that the Ninja held, "Ren, please don't think that I'm questioning your abilities or anything, but what good do you think that is going to do us?"

"Dipped in holy water and basted in fresh roasted garlic, the old bloodsucker will never know what hit him!" Ren chuckled evilly.

Laura quickly reached out and grabbed the Ninja's arm stopping her, "You're not really gonna hurt him are you?" Her face was pale, her steel blue eyes wide. She was torn between her friendship with Ren and her burning love for LaCroix.

Ren looked into those eyes and answered, "A Ninja is not a murderer, I will only do what is necessary to save Mary and get us all out alive." Pausing thoughtfully for a moment she added, "Well, I might knock him out so that we could answer the age old 'boxers or briefs' question if we have time."

Then the Ninja quickly opened the door and she and the now happy Dark CERK Perk stealthily crept toward the main studio door. The continued banging and bellowed obscenities from the transmitter room assured them that they had time.

"Hey, Ninja how do you know that Mary is even in there?" Laura whispered.

"It's this twin thing we have going, I can feel it in my heart. Well, that or I had too much chili for lunch."

The Dark Pink Ninja pushed open the door and did a blindingly quick back flip into the room lightly landing on her feet in a fighting position. With her Dark Perk Super Garlic Master Blaster aimed and ready to shoot The Dark CERK Perk followed her in, the Dark Perk Handy Dandy Bright Light on her belt illuminating the pitch black studio.

Standing before them hands on hips, blond hair appearing to glow from the light, with her pale blue eyes flashing in rage stood Mary.

"YOU TWO?! I might have known you two would have something to do with this!"

The Dynamic Duo looked at each other in confusion.

Mary ran a hand through her wet hair and sighed in exasperation. Being a List Mommy to the Dark Perk's was a bit more then she had bargained for. "I was here with LaCroix to be a guest on his show."

"Umm, a guest?" Laura humbly offered.

"Yes, a guest." Mary paused for a moment and sighed in relief as the sprinklersfinally went off then continued, "Tonights topic was 'Abducted Hearts' and the scheduled guest couldn't make it. I was going to offer the counterpoint opinion in her place when we heard a blast and all the lights went out. LaCroix went out to see what happened then all of a sudden the sprinklers go on and you two show up!"

"An adequate description of the events my dear."

The Ninja and The Dark CERK Perk both paled visibly at the sound of that unmistakable silken voice and slowly turned to face one dripping wet, highly irritated 2000 year old vampire.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Oops," the DP duo chimed in perfect harmony.

"OOPS??!! Is that all you have to say about this?! Just

'OOPS'??" Mary's voice had climbed several octives -- a clue that she was more than a little upset. Ren looked at Laura. Laura looked back at Ren.They nodded mutely.

"I'm sure they have more to say on the matter." Lacroix's voice held the three Dark Perks captive, and soon the Ninja and her sidekick were babbling:

"Mrs. Hitchcock..."

"...screaming...in the kitchen..."

"...afraid for the coffee..."

"...but you were gone..."

"...coffee was fine..."

"...needed to be stronger..."

"...said you'd been kidnapped..."

"...NightCrawler took you..."

"WHAT?!" Mary interrupted the duo's ping-pong prattle. "She said I'd been kidnapped? Oh...that...that...WOMAN! That wicked old bat KNEW that I was going out to help Lacroix with his show! She was just jealous!" The Dark Perk listmommy was fuming, but the Dark Perk duo smiled thinly as Mary's wrath was obviously deflected.

"Laura! Give the man a towel!" the Ninja whispered, pointing to her sidekick's utility belt. The Dark CERK Perk opened a small pocket in the front of her belt and pulled out a one-inch square piece of dark pink cloth and handed it meekly to the drenched DJ. Lacroix took the unimpressive bit of fluff and arched a questioning (and doubting) eyebrow in her direction.

"It expands as it gets wet, see?" Laura offered. Indeed, the cloth began to grow as Lacroix dabbed at his face. Soon the cloth was a yard square of dark pink dampness, and Lacriox was a bit less bedraggled.

"My dear Mary," he began softly with only a tinge of disdain in his voice, "No real harm has been done here, and they *were* looking out for your best interest." The duo nodded in agreement. "Of course, I'm a little disappointed that they would be so quick to believe me guilty of such a mundane act of kidnapping, but perhaps they were caught up in the heat of the moment." More nods from the Dark CERK Perk and the Dark Pink Ninja.

"I'm so sorry about this, Lacroix," Mary answered. "There must be some way we can make it up to you."

"Actually, there is." Three sets of Dark Perk eyes widened in surprise. "I understand you have a broadcasting studio at your Mansion." A gasp of shock escaped Laura's lips at the mention of her private studio. "Perhaps you'd be so kind as to allow me access in order to continue my show. The damage to the studio here will take a few days to repair. I'd prefer not to disappoint my loyal listeners."

"I......I'd be...I mean...You can...of course..." Laura struggled but the words were stubborn and refused to be organized into coherant sentence structure. Fortunately, Lacroix understood that the befuddled sidekick was consenting to his request. He put a long, cool finger to her lips and silenced the embarrassing string of nonsense. He smiled (and though it seemed almost predatory, Laura prefered to think of it as seductive), and the trio of Thugs laughed nervously.

"Shall we adjourn to your Mansion, Ladies?" the vampire suggested. "I think I'd like to have a word with your Mrs. Hitchcock after the close of tonight's broadcast."

"Stand in line!" Mary growled, picturing the moment when she would lay eyes (and perhaps her hands) on the trouble-making housekeeper. Lacroix gestured to the front door of the station, and the three women exited the building and headed towards the Pinkmobile.

"I'll meet you there...but hurry....because...the NightCrawler is waiting for you." And Lacroix took the air.

"Better hurry, gals!" Mary said as she hopped into the backseat of the dark pink Caddy. "You can fill me in on the details of tonight's little caper on the way home."

"To the Mansion!" Ren said, tossing the keys to her sidekick. Laura climbed into the driver's seat, turned on the engine, and roared onto the streets of Toronto.

With the "Peter Gunn" theme pouring out of the speakers and the pleasantly warm night wind blowing through their still wet hair the Dark Pink Ninja and her faithful sidekick The Dark CERK Perk gave a collective sigh of relief and grinned happily at each other.

"Well," the Ninja proudly began, "our first mission was a success! All our training paid off!"

Mary leaned back into the dark pink upholstery and smiled. She had already forgiven her Twin the Ninja and The Dark CERK Perk, after all they *had* risked their lives to come to her rescue. Still, she couldn't resist the opportunity to tease the duo just a tiny bit, "A 'success'? Ummm, let's see, the two of you single handidly blew up CERK on the mistaken assumption that I had been kidnapped and you consider that a success?"

Laura jumped to their defense, "Hey, everything turned out fine didn't it? LaCroix," She paused for a moment and sighed at the sound of *his* name, "was a perfect gentleman about it all. I actually think that he was impressed by our ingenuity and he *has* forgiven us and right now at this very moment he is about to ring the front door bell at Dark Perk Mansion to gain entrance to *my* bedroom studio!"

With a snort Mary leaned forward and replied, "It may be in your bedroom studio but I am going to be the one sitting next to him." "Ummm, Laura?" Neither Perk had noticed the Ninja's panic stricken face so intent were they on who would be sitting next to the NightCrawler, "Ummm, Laura?" The Ninja repeated.

"Yes?" The faithful sidekick replied.

"Didn't you engage the Dark Perk Ball of Death before we left?" The Ninja had a distinctly queasy look about her.

Laura's face took on an identical queasy look as she shook her head and squeaked out the word, "Yes."

Mary frowned thoughtfully and asked, "You mean that disgusting giant dark pink sauerkraut ball that you two had Demon Doctor Jenn come up with?" When there was no reply from either of the dynamic duo Mary continued, her voice rising in terror with each word, "Didn't you two rig that thing over the front door and set it up as a security measure and if it were engaged it would drop down on whoever rang the front door bell?"