Dark Lords vs Dark Lord

Aerie: Today Shabrinigdo's bi-yatches take on the shady supervillain from our favorite Saturday morning cartoon - Dark Lord!

Sedalia: *dances and chants the Flint the Time Detective theme song*

Aerie: As you can see, she watches it a bit more than I do. So Sedalia, what chance does Dark Lord have against the mazoku?

Sedalia: Well, it's hard to say. I've never seen him actually do anything besides star in Petra's lovesick daydreams.

Aerie: Forget I asked.

Sedalia: Anyway, in the red corner, is the mysterious masked man known only as Dark Lord.

A man in a white suit with long, pale blue hair wearing an asymmetrical mask enters the arena, cheered on by several pokemon-esqe critters and a woman with very long green hair and a very short red dress.

Sedalia: I wonder what Dark Lord looks like under that mask.... 

Aerie: And in the blue corner, the kawaii Hellmaster Phibrizzo! Oh, yeah. And those other guys, too.

Deep Sea Dolphin does a handstand and spins like a top. Zelas Metallium lights up a cigarette. Gaav stands with his sword propped up on his shoulder. Dynast Grauscherra looks very bored. Hellmaster Phibrizzo smiles cutely and waves to his fans.

Aerie: Awwww. Kawaii! *waves back* Now on with the fight!

Deep Sea Dolphin: *singing* I'm a little teapot short and stout....

Dark Lord: Oh, Petra.

Petra: *appears immediately by his side* Yes, my lord? How may I be of service?

Dark Lord: Dispose of these people.

Petra: *starry-eyed* I'll do anything for you, master. 

*a thought bubble appears over her head* 

An image of Petra standing victorious on the summit of a pile of vanquished mazoku lords. Dark Lord approaches her and offers her his hand. 

Dark Lord: Excellent work, my love. Their heads will look wonderful in my trophy room.

Petra: *jumps into his arms* It is my pleasure to be able to serve you, my darling. 

Dark Lord: How 'bout I take you out to dinner tonight to celebrate? By the way, have I ever told you just how breathtakingly gorgeous you look in that red dress?

Petra: Oh Dark Lord, I . . .

Dark Lord: Yeah, whatever.

Thought bubble: *pops*

Petra: Right away, sir.

Gaav: That's not fair! He's using his minion!

Aerie and Sedalia: *sweatdrop*

Aerie: Says the guy who did nothing but throw monsters at Lina for most of NEXT.

Deep Sea Dolphin: Why don't you just have your minions fight for you?

All: *gasp*

Zelas: *blink blink* She said something coherent? And not a bad idea, at that.

Phibrizzo: Excuse me. I have to go see if my domain has frozen over. *disappears*

Aerie: Well this is a bit of a twist. Dark Lord has called in his servant to join the fray and Phibby has apparently buggered off. How will the mazoku offset this handicap?

Sedalia: Handicap? Need I remind you who he's relying on to save his ass? She's one of the most inept villainesses in all of anime.

Petra: *growls* Hey!!

Zelas: Xellos! Get your bitch ass over here.

Dynast: Sherra, your presence is required.

Gaav: Valgarv! Seygram! Kanzel! Mazenda! Front and center!

Valgarv, Seygram, Kanzel and Mazenda: Yes, Gaav-sama.

Petra: Petra Stamp!! *Stamps a 'P' on the foreheads of Xellos, Sherra, Valgarv, Seygram, Kanzel, and Mazenda.* Bwaaa haa haa haa! Now your minions are under MY control. *cracks her whip*

Zelas: Oh shit.

Dynast: *sweatdrops nervously* Uh, Sherra? 

Gaav: *string of barely intelligible expletives [i.e. - @#$%^&*@$%^*&#%$#]*

Aerie: Damn, you can say that again. Without their minions, these guys are up shit creek without a paddle.

Sedalia: I have a feeling that this match is about to get very ugly.

Aerie: Gaav's here. It already is ugly.

Valgarv snatches Zellas's cigs and plays keepaway with Kanzel and Mazenda.  Sherra jumps Dynast and tries to remove his head from his shoulders.  Xellos and Deep Sea Dolphin start thumb-wrestling.  Seygram grabs Gaav's ponytail and starts swinging him around in a circle.

Zelas: GRRRRRR!! We can't kill our own minions. This sucks!

Dynast: True, *urk* it is *gasp* against *wheeze* policy.

Deep Sea Dolphin: One, two, three, four! I declare a thumb war!

Gaav: AAAARRRRGH!

Seygram lets go of Gaav's hair, sending him flying into the audience towards a pink-haired girl.  

Sara: Eeek!

Merlock: Don't worry, Sara!  I'll protect you!

The foppishly dressed, lavender-haired, fanged boy valiantly jumps to her rescue, saving her just in the nick of time.  Gaav slams headfirst into the vacated seat and SDs with little chibi-Seygrams spinning around his head.  

Deep Sea and Xellos: *make weird faces at each other*

Dynast: *turns red in the face, then purple, then blue*

Zellas: *coughs and wheezes asthmatically as she weakly tries to recapture her cigarettes*

Sedalia: Looks like Dark Lord won. *runs down to present him with a garland of roses and her phone number* Wow, you're soooo coooool! *glomp*

Petra: HEY HEY HEY! He's MY man! *rips Sedalia off of Dark Lord*

Dark Lord: *sweatdrops*

Aerie: Yare yare. <((~.~))>

Fin.