Note: It is only because this was handwritten that I have chosen to respond.


>01) Which Star Wars character are you?
I adamantly refuse to be a Star Wars Character.

>02) How do you refer to yourself?:
More often that not I refer to help manuals and books.

>03) What is your name?:
Darren Janzen

>04) What is your quest?:
A house with a huge yard so that I can perfect the art of masonry.

>05) What is your favourite colour?:
A deep dark green.

>06) How do YOU spell favourite and colour?:
I spell favourite as favourite, colour as colour, favorite as favorite and 
color as color.

>07) How do you like your steak cooked?:
Does it have to be cooked?  Unless it is a low quality steak that tastes 
like iron, it that case medium.

>08) Say one nice thing about Kavin:
His annoying habit of being late has distracted me from his other annoying 
habits.

>09) MAY EYE EET A HAM SANDWIXH?:
Ham is a very precious meat, and will only be given to those who can
  A)  speak in non-block caps
  B)  use a language properly

>10) What is your favourite Hannah Barbara cartoon?:
The Jetsons

>11) Is there anything about your life that you want to improve?:
Hmmmmm, there are very few things I don't want to improve.

>12) Really? Are your concerns valid, or are you just very bored?:
No but I have a competitive nature that compels me to be the best at every 
little thing.

>13) Whatever. Who's better, Teela or She-Ra?:
Would that I could, but I cannot answer the question.  I do not know these 
people.

>14) Was Yoda wise, or did he fool people by talking funny?:
Yoda was a character in a movie and his wisdom (if any) was achieved solely 
by the virtue of the screenwriters knowing further plotlines in advance.  It 
is also impossible to be quite wise while at the same time being unable to 
comprehend the basics of a very simple language.  The fact that his method 
of speach can somewhat be compared to Beavis and Butthead was unimpressive 
to me, yet the rest of the world loved it, I will never understand.

>15) Do you call yourself a geek? If not, why did you answer questions 13 
>and 14?:
Nope, geeks are socially inept, I do not believe myself to be socially 
inept, although sometimes I like to pretend I am.

>    -What is your favourite food from the following food groups?:
>   16) Meat&Protein:
Bacon

>   17) Dairy:
White Cheddar Cheese

>   18) Fruits&Veggies:
My absolute most favourite food -> Cauliflower, followed by Garlic

>   19) Bread:
Fresh Garlic Bread

>20) You are in a bar, and are struck with a craving for hot wings and onion 
>rings,
>so you order some. What do you order to drink? (Doesn't have to be booze.):
The question is unnecessary for me.  I would be unable to order hot wings in 
a bar because all bars have the notion that hot wings must be so hot that 
actual taste buds are unnecessary rather than my preferred concept that 
hotness must be used to enhance the flavour of said hot wing.

>21) How would you serve spam for dinner to your significant other's parents 
>to
>impress them?:
Don't know, never had it.  If it is quite similar to ham, probably in an 
omelette after it had been cut into cubes and deep fried.

>22) Xena is better than Hercules. (T/F):
Unable to answer that question, never watched either.  Presumably Hercules 
because he doesn't have to scream like a retard to accomplish things.

>23) How would someone be able to trick you into going on the Jerry Springer 
>show?:
I wouldn't needed to be tricked, my airfare would simply have to be paid so 
I could enjoy a vacation somewhere other than Prince George.

>24) Why does Robert vanWinkle suck so much?:
Who is Robert Van Winkle?

>25) How often do you polish your shoes?:
Never.

>26) Do you hate wearing pants?:
No

>27) If I presented you with a button labeled "evil@8" in big Lovecraftian 
>letters,
>would you press it?:
I probably wouldn't even be listening to you, so no.

>28) What is your favourite country song?:
Ghost Riders in the Sky, never been able to find the ultimate singer for it 
though.

>29) If you could spend a day with the fictional character(s) of your 
>choice, who
>would it be?:
Scrooge McDuck, who is infinitely more wise than Yoda.

>30) Would you dance to a Polka for some really good Bratwurst?:
Yes, yes I would

>31) Hi, this is Thomas speaking.:
Your really special Thomas.

>32) The best flavour of Kool-Aid is __ :
Lime

>33) Was Napster bad?:
Yes, it was very poorly written and finding rare songs was an impossibility 
due to the sharing nature of individuals.

>34) How do you take your coffee?:
Through my mouth.

>35) If you could visit any time and place, when and where would it be?:
One week in the future, looking at the lotto numbers.

>36) Did you get the jokes on Married: with Children the first time you 
>watched it?:
Yes, at least I think I did

>37) Have you ever had any magazine subscriptions?:
No

>38) Do you know enough about the workings of a toilet that you could build 
>one out
>of bamboo, coconuts and rubber plants?:
I could build a function commode with said products, but I am unaware as to 
how to produce rubber from a rubber tree and therefore the plumbing would be 
leaky, and I would be unwilling to produce said toilet.

>39) What is your strongest (but still non-diagnosable) mental disorder?:
Obsessive compulsive nature to be the best at everything.

>40) Who is your favourite Canadian musician or musical group?:
Hmmmm, probably the Rankin family.

>41) Who is your favourite painter?:
None.

>42) What is your favourite poem?:
Jabberwocky

>43) What is your favourite comedy sketch show?:
SCTV, anything made afterwards lost humour and really became a shock value 
sketch show.

>44) Why do you eat the flesh of dead animals?:
Because live animals tend to kick you off of them.

>    -If you were a superhero, what would:
>   45) your power be?:
I would be happy man, incapable of being anything other than content and 
happy.

>   46) your name be?:
Wouldn't need a name, I would never do anything.

>   47) your costume look like?:
Wouldn't need a costume, I would never go anywhere.

>   48) your cause be?:
I wouldn't need a cause, I would never do anything.

>49) Are you sure you aren't a geek?:
Yes

>50) In AD 2101, war was beginning. What happen?:
Star Wars: Clones vs. Strange Talking Swamp Creatures has just come out and 
the ruling class became disgruntled seeing so many losers waiting in lines 
for downtown theatres, making it hard to drive about.  So mass genocide was 
started against anyone who knew more than 5 pieces of trivial star wars 
information.  It ended up being a very short war, but thankfully all of the 
idiots of the world were dead.

>51) Have you had enough, or do you want to answer another 50 questions?:
Not really.

>52) What is compelling you to answer this particular question?:
I am waiting for a batch operation to finish imaging my server, in short, I 
have nothing better to do.

>53) Have you played Loonie: the Nucking Futs first edition?:
Yes, yes I have.  The concept was horrible, but the system proved it could 
be worse.

>54) What flavour is the chip on your shoulder?:
Dandruff flavour?

>55) Is that a potato on your jacket?:
Huh, what, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

>56) Have you ever gotten sick from an amusement ride?:
Once I had to sit down for a few minutes after going on the Rotor, but 
that's it.

>57) How many wigs do you own?:
none

>58) Do you like goat cheese?:
No

>59) What is Puritan Irish Stew made with?:
Don't know

>60) Do you own a rubber ducky?:
No

>61) Complete this phrase. "I am a(n) __phile.":
Carta

>62) What movies have people spoiled for you?:
None

>63) Do you have a favourite roleplaying system?:
Werewolf: The Apocolypse

>64) Please repeat your answers to questions 15 and 49.:
No

>65) What's the worst thing you have ever consumed?:
A mosquito breakfast, be careful in Fort Nelson kemosabe

>66) Will someone get this walking carpet out of my way?:
??

>67) Do you prefer wide screen or cut and pan?:
Doesn't matter, either gimmick works

>68) Wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?:
Huh?

>69) Voulez-vous du beurre?:
Don't really need any at the moment

>70) Are you a brain in a vat?:
Huh?

>71) What's wrong with kit lego?:
Price, destroys imagination, price, destroys imagination, mostly star wars 
crap, price, destroys imagination

>72) Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer __!:
Weiner (hey!  There good!)

>73) If you could make any band cover any song, who would you have play 
>what?:
I would have Marilyn Manson and Anne Murray sing the new theme song for Star 
Wars.

>74) Is it pronounced "keltic" or "seltic"?:
Truly it doesn't matter

>75) What footgear does death wear?:
Sandals

>76) Where is Waldo?:
In cartesian space, somewhere around 510677 5978634 812 v20@ursus.earth

>77) Do you know the words to "Turkey in the Straw"?:
Nope

>78) What does CD-ROM stand for?:
Burning music, and other copywrighted material

>79) Do you identify with any of the characters from the film "The Big 
>Lebowski"?:
Probably not.

>80) What song describes you at the moment?:
Kenny Roger's - I Am the Greatest

>81) Do you know how to tie a tie?:
Zippers are more effective and presentable

>82) Would you censor Pee Wee's Adventure, or are you exceedingly liberal?:
I would leave it as is.  Why is it being rerun?

>83) Do you like Moxy Fruvos?:
Yes, it is hard to beet the Gulf War Song or Johnny Sauce'pan

>84) What is your favourite electronic game system? (ie, nintendo, sega...):
Nintendo, or more accurately nesticle

>85) What is your favourite software program?:
PCIWorks, or possibly Geomatica Focus, maybe even Idrisi, Erdas, or Arc.

>86) Do you know the muffin man?:
Nope, buns master only employs ladies.

>87) What's the worst smell in the world?:
Whatever is in my shoe.

>88) Do you prefer Star Trek or Star Wars?:
Suprisingly, Star Wars, the movies are quite good, but they fail to become a 
religion, and the people cheering and shit when you watch it detract from 
it's overall value.

>89) What is your favourite Kevin Smith movie?:
Chasing Amy, because that chick can really scream for a long time.

>90) What is your favourite Monty Python sketch?:
None.

>91) What do you think an appropriate length for a response to an "If" 
>question is?:
Anything legible  (KAVIN!!!!)

>92) What were your favourite cartoons as a kid?:
Ducktales - I still remember most of the theme song, and I look every now 
and then to see what time of the day it might be on.

>93) Who do you root for in the world cup?:
I find it impossible to root for a particular group in Soccer because of the 
way it is played nowadays.  If there was a team that didn't dive when 
someone breathed on them funny, they would be my favourite.  Even if said 
country was Sri Lanka, and never lost by less than 10 goals.

>94) Would you like to be John Malkovich for 15 minutes?:
Still don't know who he is, don't care.

>95) What is your favourite type of hat?:
Cowboy, or authentic outback (not the type you see on Discovery's croc 
hunter-man or anything similar)

>96) Who's scarier, Cthulhu or Turrasque?:
Don't know either

>97) What house would you be in if you went to Hogwarts'?:
Don't know Hogwarts

>98) Repeat your answer to question 64, defend yourself if you feel it's 
>necessary.:
#64 = no

>99) What would be a good question to end this survey with?:
Maybe not so much a question, but a thank-you would be nice.

>100) What would your answer to that question be?:
Your welcome.