Statistician:
There is an 83.7% chance that sh*t will happen. Maybe.

Physicist (Theoretical):
Sh*t SHOULD happen.
By my Theory, sh*t could just be possible.

Physicist (Experimental):
To within experimental error, sh*t DID happen.
It was possible for sh*t to happen.

Engineer:
I hope this sh*t holds together!

Chemist:
I hope this sh*t doesn't blow up.
Gee, what'll happen if I mix this and.....SH*T!!!!

Biologist:
Is this Sh*t alive?
There are sub-species of Sh*t.
Sh*t is an asexual creature.

Economist:
I hope no one figures out that I don't really understand this sh*t.
Sh*t and demand...for toilet paper!

CEO:
[1980's] I've got all the sh*t I want.
[1990's] Oooh, SH*T!!!

Lawyer:
For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of ANY sh*t.
I am a Lawyer...Sh*tting people is my job.

Doctor:
Take two sh*ts and call me in the morning.
Yes, it's definitely a case of sh*t. $99.95, please...
Sh*t, where's this organ supposed to go?

Psychologist:
Sh*t is in your mind.
Everything that happens is sh*t; some of it is just repressing.
It's subconscious sh*ttiness.
You're one crazy sh*t!

Programmer:
It's sh*t, but at least it complies!

Social Scientist:
Let's pretend that sh*t doesn't happen....
What are the effects of Sh*t in society?

Politician:
It's sh*t, but if it'll get me elected.
If you elect me, there will never again be sh*t.
Sh*t is bad for the economy.

Waitress:
You want fries with that sh*t, hun?

Musician:
This sh*t is out of tune.

Dean:
Let's see how much sh*t the faculty will take.
I am the head sh*t of this school.

Accountant:
Why in the hell doesn't this sh*t add up?

Linguist:
What I'm doing is a bunch of feces tauri.
(for non-latin-speakers: feces tauri = the excrement of a bull)

Quality Control Inspector:
This sh*t just ain't good enough.
Eject this sh*t!

IRS Auditor:
I'll make 'em squirm for putting this sh*t on their tax forms.
I'm going to audit the sh*t out of you.

Farmer:
I get subsidies for my sh*t.
The more sh*t, the better the crops.

Union leader:
Give us more sh*t or we'll strike.

Mafia boss:
Rub the sh*t out.

NYC Cab Driver:
Damn, looks like I hit that sh*t.