B'Elanna looked over the edge of the bed. Tom was fast asleep,
but this was important enough to wake him up.
"Tom," she whispered.
Tom stirred, but didn't wake. She called his name louder and he
opened his eyes. They stared at each other for several moments.
Even in the dim light, she saw a flash spark in his blue eyes,
and she hoped he was remembering something.
"Come up here," she whispered.
Tom looked at her strangely, "You want me up there?"
"Yes, Tom. Please."
Tom slowly sat up and looked at her. They were mere inches apart.
B'Elanna could smell his familiar scent and she inhaled it
deeply. She reached out a hand and buried it in his blonde hair.
She pulled him closer and kissed him. He responded quickly. She
didn't know what to think about that. Was it because of his
"training" or because of some deeply buried emotions that
demanded to be remembered? She deepened the kiss, hoping that the
buried emotions would break through.
Tom ran his hands through her dark hair. This felt so much better
than coupling with Daylia. He felt something coming to the
surface as his tongue danced with hers. He tasted her sweetest.
He felt an overpowering sense of joy and belonging. He wanted
more, he embraced B'Elanna as he stood up and moved to join
her on the bed.
B'Elanna felt the familiar jolts of emotions as she wrapped her
arms around Tom. She laid down on the bed, bringing her mate with
her. She moved her lips to his jaw then his neck. She nibbled on
his earlobe and was amazed to hear him moan. She smiled, *He has
to remember this.*
B'Elanna ran her hands through his hair as she brought his head
back down for a kiss. She ran her hands down his back and around
to his front. She then ran her hands up under his shirt and over
his chest, he fingers tangling in his golden chest hair. This
produced another moan from him and she couldn't help, but be
overjoyed.
She removed his shirt and tossed it aside. It had been quite
awhile since they had last spent a night together. She wanted to
make this memorable. She wanted him to forget about that cruel
mistress on that planet.
Tom ran his hands through her dark tresses. Inhaling her scent,
it seemed almost familiar. For a fleeting moment, he saw himself
burying his face in dark silky hair and breathing in its scent. He shook his head. A memory? When was this? As he tried to force the memory to continue, it was gone. He shook his head, and looked down at the woman beneath him. They stared into each other's eyes. He found himself lost in those brown depths. This woman must have meant a great deal to him for he to have married her. He just wished he remembered it.
Tom then bent down and brought his lips to hers and kissed her
deeply. Again, he felt a wonderful sensation of joy and passion.
The feelings grew as the kiss deepened. Suddenly, he let himself
go as the emotions took over. He began to kiss her forehead, down
her nose, her lips, then her jaw and finally down her throat. He
heard her moan his name as she gave into the sensations he was
giving her. He kissed her face and down her throat until he came
across her nightgown. He stared at it and then moved his hands
down her body. She sighed as her hands moved over his chest then
back up over his shoulders. His hands found the hem of her gown
and he slipped them under the material. His hands moved up her
body and she gasped and moaned.
Tom withdrew his hands and removed her nightgown. He then tossed
it aside. He stared at her body in awe. The light bronze coloring
was beautiful. Another flash of light sparked behind his eyes. He
saw himself hovering over her, staring at her bare flesh exposed
before him. He was in awe then as he was now. He could feel
himself becoming quite aroused. He closed his eyes and sighed as
another something surfaced. Another memory? He saw himself
looking up at her then. She was on top of him, grinning at him.
Then the memory was gone.
"Tom?" B'Elanna asked, concerned that he suddenly stopped.
Tom looked at her and smiled. She sighed contentedly as he
ran his hand down her bare leg. Tom then slowly slid her
underwear off and her excitement grew. B'Elanna couldn't
contain her joy much longer as she anticipated his next move.
Her dark exotic eyes at him as he removed his briefs and
she smiled at him as he crawled his way back over her.
Wrapping her arms around him, she drew him closer to her
for a deep kiss and he ran his hands through her silky hair as the kiss deepened.
B'Elanna sighed as she felt him nibble her earlobe and kiss his
way down to her breasts. She gasped as he took one in his mouth.
She held his head there as he licked and suckled on it. She
closed her eyes and relished in the feeling that he remembered
what she liked. She hoped this would bring back more memories as
he moved to the next breast.
Tom received another flash of a memory. He saw himself in a bed
much like this one with red satin sheets. The only difference was
that they were in a much smaller room. He remembered the feeling
of joy he had at being with this woman alone with no one around.
The memory was gone at once and Tom was left even more
frustrated. He looked at B'Elanna, whose eyes were closed and
head tilted back. He licked his way back up to her mouth, he
heard her moan his name.
He took her mouth with his and their tongues danced. He ran his
hands into her hair and suddenly entered her. Hearing her gasp,
Tom felt her tighten her grip on his hair. Another flash of
light sparked before him. He saw himself and her in the middle
of a field of wildflowers. They were on a blanket, naked. They
were coupling again with a wild abandonment. *Is this a wish,
or a memory.?* he wondered.
*How long have I been with her?* He asked himself as the vision
vanished.
"Tom?" B'Elanna concerned voice came to his ears.
He looked at her, the dark pools of her eyes stared at him. Tom
couldn't recall ever seeing anyone express such concern from anyone before. This was confusing him even more, he didn't know what to do or say. If only he could remember something without it disappearing before he realized the meaning of it.
B'Elanna saw the frustrated look in Tom's eyes. She hoped he was
remembering something. That was the third time he stopped during
their love making.
*Tom has to be remembering something,* she swore to herself, *He
just has to be.*
Tom shook his head and again took B'Elanna's mouth with his.
Their tongues tangled together again as the passion rebuilt
itself. This time, there was no stopping as they abandoned
everything around them.
B'Elanna moaned as Tom began to move inside her. The familiar
powerful thrusts took her to new heights as she gave into her
emotions. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he moved
faster and deeper into her. She dug her nails into his back as
the joy of reclaiming her mate washed over her.
Tom felt many feelings and sensations wash over him. Something
about this felt so right as he thrust deeper into her. Another
flash appeared before him. This time, he saw himself biting her.
He was confused at this. Then another memory made itself known.
Klingons bite their intended mate. The vision was gone as he
heard B'Elanna moan and he felt her nails dig into his back. He
nibbled on her jaw as he quickened his pace.
B'Elanna growled deeply as she neared the edge. She was unaware
that Tom was licking and nibbling on her jaw. She screamed when
he bit her. At that moment, she fell over the edge in ecstasy.
Tom thrust one last time then released into her. He called out
her name as his world exploded around him.
Tom woke to find B'Elanna lying on his chest. He looked at her
and felt the sense of protectiveness rise in him again. He stared
at the ceiling, he tried to think of why he would feel like
that. It was almost like the feeling of possessiveness that had
asserted itself the day before.
These feelings must have been there the whole time, and had been
buried when he received his "training." Now they were reasserting
themselves with vengeance.
He looked down at B'Ellana and was suddenly overcome by a feeling
of contentment devotion and belonging. He knew at that moment
even though he couldn't remember everything, that this was
where he was meant to be. With Daylia, he had never felt that
way. He just felt that he belonged to her. He kissed
B'Elanna's dark hair and settled down to sleep. He dreamed again,
this time of a shuttle and a bed covered in satin.
****************
Whatever little Tom remembered of last night was gone the next
morning. He was again quiet and passive. B'Elanna almost wanted
to strangle her husband after what they had experienced after
their love making the night before, but she restrained herself.
Sighing she got dressed for work. It seemed that she was
becoming more and more agitated as Tom's memories refused to
return.
She would take her frustrations out on her staff. They could
understand her anger, but no one dared speak to her unless they
wanted their head bitten off. They avoided her unless she spoke
to them.
During her shift, a console blew out. She barked at an ensign to
fix it. Two people showed up late, with unsatisfactory excuses
and she reported them. She barked at them to clean the Jeffries
Tubes as she went to file the report. When the ensign reported
what was wrong with the console, she could feel a headache coming
on. B'Elanna ordered him to fix it then scanned it twice for any
more problems. Then the Captain ordered her to her Ready Room.
She was not happy about that at all.
Something was wrong with the Engineering console on the Bridge
and she was asked to fix it. She grumbled the whole time. On
occasion, she would look over at the Conn. An ensign was there
now, but she could imagine Tom flying the ship. If only he could
remember his life here. B'Elanna was more determined now to get
her mate to remember.
After her shift was over, B'Elanna headed back home. She had
something planned to help Tom remember. She would get him to
visit the Resort. They had such fond memories there.
*He has to remember the Resort,* B'Elanna thought, *If he
remembers that, then everything else will fall into place.*
B'Elanna's hopes were dashed, though as they stepped onto
Holodeck One. Tom stared at his surroundings in wonderment. He
looked at her and asked, "Did I make this too?"
B'Elanna smiled slightly, "You helped. This is called the Resort.
We came here often to rest and relax."
Tom looked at the Resort again. He could detect a slight scent of
salt water in the air. He breathed it in and instantly a flash of
recognition sparked before his eyes. Laughter -- he heard laughter and he opened his eyes. Briefly Tom saw himself standing by B'Elanna. Happiness--he felt very a feeling of euphoria wash over him. Looking around and he could see two people standing before a crowd of people and heard them announce that they were going to be married. He caught a brief glimpse of B'Elanna laughing and he was beside her. But the image was gone again like all the others, much too soon for him to say that he remembered.
Tom looked at B'Elanna. Her dark eyes were filled with hope. He
didn't want to disappoint her, but he just couldn't really
remember. He wanted to tell her about the flashes he was getting,
but he didn't want to give her false hopes. But he did though
know a place of relaxation when he saw it.
Tom smiled at her and said, "Shall we relax then?"
B'Elanna returned the smile. She took his arm and they walked
over to two lounge chairs that were close together. She sat down
in one while Tom sat in the other. This brought back a special
memory for her, and she hoped that Tom would remember as well.
He let out the breath he had been holding and closed his eyes. He
slowly relaxed. He smiled as he felt the warmth of the sun beat
down on his face.
B'Elanna looked at him. She remembered that smile, it was the
same one he gave her when they used the Resort after their
adventure in the Argala Habitat. She relaxed into her chair as
well. That was when she got an idea.
"Tom," she asked, "do you want a backrub?"
Tom stared at her strangely. *She wants to give ME a backrub?* He
didn't know what to say, but it sounded wonderful and he nodded
his head. The shock of her question had erased his knowledge of
what his back looked like.
"Why don't you take your shirt off while I go get some oil?"
Tom nodded and proceeded to take his shirt off. He was suddenly
reminded of his wounds. He felt ashamed and was about to put his
shirt back on when B'Elanna returned with the oil. She sat down
next to him and told him to turn around. He did so and he heard
her gasp. He winced at that and suddenly felt self-conscious. He
made a move to cover himself, but her voice stopped him.
"Haven't you had those healed, yet?" B'Elanna asked, staring at
the wounds on his back. They looked like deep welts on his back.
As if someone had scratched him. A sudden flash of fury built up
inside her, and she had to restrain herself from going into
frenzy and destroying everything around her.
Tom could hear the deep concern in her voice. He was surprised
that this woman cared about him so much. He turned around and saw
the emotion in her dark eyes.
"The doctor tried to heal them, but..." he shrugged.
B'Elanna stifled a growl. Of course, they were the wounds from a
laser whip. Those types of wounds were very difficult to heal,
and still they left scars. She closed her eyes and sighed. When
she opened them again, Tom was staring at her.
"If you want me to, I will still rub your back, Tom."
Tom gave her a small smile then nodded, "Be careful?"
B'Elanna nodded. The expression in her eyes stopped him. They
were filled with compassion and sympathy for him. The intensity
of the look was much stronger than it was before. She was truly
worried about him. He didn't know what to say. He stared into her
eyes and could see that they were filling with unshed tears.
"What's wrong?" Tom asked.
B'Elanna sniffed as a tear fell from her left eye, "To go through
what you did. To be punished like that. It must have been more
than painful."
Tom shrugged, "When I disobeyed the Lady, I was punished. Any man
who disobeyed was punished. It was just the way it was."
B'Elanna stared at him. How could he act like it was natural to
be punished! She forced herself to remain calm as she spoke to
him, "That is wrong, Tom. When you were on Voyager, you disobeyed
the Captain or the Commander a lot. You were never punished that
severely! Usually they'd just confine you to your quarters or
limit your rations, but no one ever hurt you."
Tom stared at her in shock. He disobeyed before and he wasn't
hurt? He shook his head and stared off into space.
"You are loved and respected on this ship, Tom," B'Elanna
continued as she turned him around so his back faced her. "People
are worried about you. They want you back. I want you back. It
took us a year to admit our feeling to each other, and I don't
want to lose that. I don't want to lose you." She pour some of
the oil in her palm, kissed him tenderly on his scarred back and
rubbed in the oil with her strong hands.
Tom was surprised again by the amount of emotion in her voice,
and he reveled in her touch. The Lady never talked to him like
this or made him feel so good. She never shown any kind of caring
for him, except as an object. He wondered if he would ever get
used to this woman showing affection for him.
Trying to lighten the sudden solemn mood, he decided to change
the subject. He looked around the Resort again, and saw several
people walking around. Most were holding drinks. Others were
playing games, and still others were sitting and talking.
"Do a lot of things happen here?" he asked, looking at her.
B'Elanna's eyes darkened. Her hopes that he would remember were
gone. She growled low in her throat as the last of her patience
wore out.
"Damn it, Tom Paris!" B'Elanna shouted at him, her Klingon side
getting the best of her. It was hard not to let her Klingon temper show, but sometimes the anger she felt was just too strong and burst through the surface. She was glad that the children weren't here to witness her temper. "Why can't you remember!? You've experienced many things that should have caused you to remember, but nothing has happened! Don't you want to remember!?"
Tom felt her anger and it scared him. He backed away from her,
holding up his hands.
"Please," he whispered, "I'm trying. I really am, but nothing is
happening. Please, don't hit me. I am trying."
B'Elanna glared at him. Then she stared at him. He had never
backed down from her when she yelled at him. He always yelled
right back, sometimes with more anger than her.
*If I could get my hands on Daylia again, I'd kill her for doing
this to him,* B'Elanna vowed again.
Tom saw her eyes flash with anger. Although it aroused him in a
way that he could not fathom, he still backed away from her. He
did not want to be punished again.
B'Elanna noticed him backing away from her. She took a deep
breath to calm herself before she spoke, "I'm sorry, Tom. I
didn't mean to shout. I'm not going to punish you. I'm just
frustrated that you can't remember anything after all that I've
shown you."
Tom put his hands down and stared at the floor, "I'm sorry, too.
I'm just as frustrated. I want to remember. I really do, but
there's this wall that blocks everything from my mind."
B'Elanna looked at him. He really was trying, she could see that.
Maybe, he needed time. Maybe he shouldn't be pushed so hard.
Maybe they should back away and let the memories resurface on
their own. The only problem was that that could take a long time,
and she was not a very patient person.
"Let's go home, Tom," B'Elanna said in a sad voice.
*******
"He's trying, Chakotay, but nothing is happening," B'Elanna paced
back and forth in Chakotay's quarters. The pacing was making the
Commander dizzy.
"I don't know what to do. I've tried just about everything."
Chakotay sighed. He knew she was frustrated, he could tell just
by the way she paced. She hardly came to him anymore unless
something was really bothering her. He shook his head to keep
from watching her pace. His head was starting to swim.
"B'Elanna, please, stop pacing, you're making me dizzy," Chakotay
said, rubbing his temples, "Sit down."
B'Elanna stopped, stared at him, then sat down in the chair
across from him. She put her head in her hands and sighed. She
then growled.
I don't know what to do. Sometimes, I think he's remembered
something, but then he acts like nothing's happened. I do think
he's remembering something, but he won't tell me what it is."
"Maybe he doesn't know what he's remembering, and he doesn't want
to get your hopes up."
B'Elanna sighed, "I thought his forest program would trigger
something. I also thought seeing his kids would make a
difference. Tom just keeps telling me he doesn't remember. He's
frustrated. I know he is. He told me that maybe we should just
let the memories come back on their own, but that could take a
long time, Chakotay."
The Commander nodded, "Maybe he's right, B'Elanna. Maybe this
showing him around is too much too soon. Tom's surprised by
everything on this ship. He needs time. The memories might come
back sooner than you think, B'Elanna."
B'Elanna looked at him, "Are you telling me that I should just
let him go? I want to help him remember, Chakotay. I have built a
lot of memories with him and I don't want him to forget them!
What am I to do!?"
Chakotay could feel her temper and frustrations rising. He looked
at her calmly and said, "By letting him remember the beginning,
B'Elanna. Let him stay with Harry. He might know better what to
do."
Chakotay held up a hand, "You are trying too hard, B'Elanna.
Harry might be just what Tom needs right now. He was Tom's first
friend on Voyager, maybe those are the memories that need to
resurface first. Afterwards, everything else will fall into
place."
* * * * * *
"You're throwing me out?" Tom asked as he watched B'Elanna pack
his clothes. He was hurt and confused by this. He thought she
wanted to help him remember. He stared at her with tears building
in his blue eyes.
"No, I'm not throwing you out," B'Elanna answered as she zipped
up his bag. She looked at him and her heart stopped. His eyes
were shining with unshed tears and he appeared confused. She
didn't want to do this to him, but she knew it was the right
thing to do. Maybe the older memories had to come back first
before the newer ones resurfaced. She sighed and went to him. She
stroked his cheek and stared into his eyes.
"Chakotay told me that maybe your older memories need to
resurface first. Your older memories on board Voyager were made
with your first friend, Harry. I'm hoping that when your memories
with him resurface that the memories you made with me with soon
follow. You will be staying with him for awhile. He will be
helping you rebuild those memories."
Tom reached out and stroked her hair. It was somehow a familiar
gesture to him. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.
"If you think it's best," he whispered, his voicing catching a
little.
B'Elanna didn't miss the catch. She knew he didn't like this, but
it was for the best. Hopefully in time, he would remember
everything. She ran a hand through his hair.
"Just remember, I'm here if you need to talk," she told him as
she walked him to the door. "And I would appreciate it if you
could come up and see the boys at least every other day. I don't
want them to feel like you've abandoned them. They are really
starting to like having you around.
"I'll remember," he said. And I'll be sure to come visit Kyle and
Lucas, it's a promise.
The door slid opened and Harry stood before them. Tom stared at
him, trying to remember anything about him, but couldn't.
"Are you ready, Tom?" Harry asked, noticing the confused
expression on his friend's face.
Tom nodded. He then looked back at B'Elanna. He felt a sudden
feeling of dread. He didn't want to leave her. He knew that his
place was with her, but she had insisted that he stay with Harry.
He kissed her one last time before he followed Harry down the
corridor.
"I hope he remembers," B'Elanna whispered as she let the doors
close before her.
