The ride back to the ship was accomplished in silence. Tom sat
in the back of the shuttle his eyes focused on the floor. Once
or twice when B'Elanna tried to talk to him and called him by his
name, he hadn't even responded. She had to tell him that his
real name was Tom Paris not Teryek. But he hadn't responded
to that or to her, he just continued to stare at the floor. Finally the Captain motioned to B'Elanna to join her at the helm. She told her it would be best not to talk to Tom too much before the Doctor had examined him. She feared that talking to him too much might confuse him.
As soon as the Captain, B'Elanna and Tom returned to the ship,
they were all beamed directly to Sickbay. The Doctor upon seeing
Mr. Paris immediately placed him on a biobed and performed a
complete diagnostic. B'Elanna desperately wanted to stay with her
husband but the Doctor insisted that she and the Captain wait in
his office until he was finished.
After what seemed like an eternity to the women, the Doctor bade
them to join him by Tom's bedside.
Tom, dressed in the typical Sickbay blue outfit, lay on his side.
The EMH informed B'Elanna and the Captain that Tom had been very
agitated and confused even after he had fallen asleep so he had
given Tom a hypospray to help him sleep more calmly.
"Doctor, what is wrong with him?" B'Elanna asked. She reached
over and clutched Tom's right hand in her own.
"Well, as you probably saw on the planet, he has severe scarring
on his back mostly from older injuries but some are much more
recent. And there is this." The Doctor pulled the back of Paris
uniform down and brushed back the now longer hair to reveal
bruising and puncture holes. "It appears that they have been
injecting Mr. Paris with a drug that attacks the memory storage
areas of the brain. It probably also facilitated his obedience."
"My God," the Captain breathed. B'Elanna swallowed hard.
"The newer scarring I was able to repair with the dermal
regenerator, but I wasn't as successful with the older scarring.
Some of those wounds were very deep. It will take many months of
generative therapy for those to heal, and some unfortunately may
never."
"Those dishonorable p'taq," B'Elanna spat when she finally
regained her voice.
The Captain agreed with her engineer's assessment of the aliens
albite silently. "Regarding his amnesia, Doctor. You can correct
that can't you?" the Captain questioned. B'Elanna turned from
focusing on her husband to look at the Doctor anxious for the
answer.
The EMH sadly shook his balding head. "I don't know. The drug
they used on him and the amount that was injected into his system
during that time make it very difficult to judge when, or if, he
will ever recover his memories."
"If?" both B'Elanna and Janeway chorused.
"Let me explain." The EMH turned on a computer monitor beside
the biobed. "Look at this visual display of the blood sample I
took from the Lieutenant."
The Captain and the half-Klingon looked at the monitor that the
Doctor referred to. "These molecules," the EMH said pointing to
blue orbs that were extremely tiny comparted to the blood cells
that were on the screen, "are the drug that he was given. They
act like nothing I have ever seen before. Not only do they
attach themselves to the blood cells but when I examined their
activity within the body they seemed to cling to the brain's
cellular walls, particularly in the area of the brain that stores
memories. It is that occurrence that I believe accounts for the
amnesia."
"So what is the treatment?" B'Elanna asked.
"I just don't know. Right now I know of no medicine or
treatment that will eliminate the drug in his system. I can
only hope that through time they will diminish and ultimately
disappear. Of course, I will continue to monitor him. I'm
hopeful that in a week or two we will see some progress."
The Captain fought hard not to let her emotions show. But it was
difficult, she had come to think of Tom as not only part of her
Voyager family but kind of a younger brother as well. "Is there
anything else we need to know?"
"Just that as is typical for many types of drug withdrawal, we
can expect nausea, shaking, headaches, and of course with this
type of drug they gave him nightmares might also occur. I'm
going to keep him sedated for a couple of days. Hopefully, the
most serious effects of the withdrawal will be past before he
leaves Sickbay."
Two days later, Tom wakened alone in Sickbay. B'Elanna, who
had stayed by his bedside for most of the two days, had received
an emergency call from engineering and had left just moments
before Tom awoke.
Tom opened his blue eyes squinting at the harsh light that lit
Sickbay. Finally his eyes adjusted to the brightness and could
see a man standing at a table not too far away. He resembled the
man who he met before he had gone to sleep.
The Doctor's program informed him that his patient had awoke and
he quickly went over to the biobed to check up on the Lieutenant.
"Good morning, Mr. Paris!" the EMH chirped.
Tom stared at him his eyes still slightly unfocused with the
effects of the drug, though his mind was clearer than it had been
in a long time.
"I said good morning!"
"Morning," the pilot replied very softly.
*Well* the EMH mused *I guess I have to remember that while he
looks like Tom Paris that drug has affected his system to such an
extent that the real Tom Paris is lost, but hopefully not
forever.*
The Doctor cleared his throat and visually scanned him before he
reached for his medical tricorder and examined him thoroughly.
After several minutes he replaced the tricorder. "Mr. Paris, ah
...Tom?" He waited for a response but Tom only stared at him
waiting for him to continue. "I am happy to report that you're
almost as good as new. I've called B'Elanna to come down to
Sickbay and take you home." The Sickbay door slid open. "Ah,
there she is now." A smiling B'Elanna came breezing through the
doors of the Sickbay and headed over to her husband's side.
"Home?" Tom questioned, his eyes never focusing on his wife,
never looking at the doctor. His breathing became rapid and he
began to sweat. Home to him meant back to Daylia, back to the
injections and the pain. "Home? I-I-I don't want to go home. I
don't wa-want to go back to the planet. Please don't make me."
Tom pulled himself out of bed, stood up and clutched the Doctor's
sleeve. "Please don't send me back," he pleaded.
"What is he talking about?" B'Elanna asked the Doctor. Hearing
her speak, Tom turned his attention to her. He immediately
averted his eyes to the floor, hoping that he did so quick
enough, he didn't want to be punished. "I repeat Doctor what is
he talking about?"
The EMH looked puzzedly at the pilot. "I told him that he could
go home with you, but he thought that I meant that we were
sending him back to the planet."
B'Elanna understood and reached out to grasp Tom's arms
in her hands, she bent down a bit and peered up into his eyes.
She almost released her hold when he tried desperately not to
look at her. "Tom, look at me. Please look at me?"
Instinctively, he felt somehow that he could trust her. Besides
he was hers now and she had given him an order, so he looked into
the chocolate depths of the eyes of lady before him.
"Listen to me Tom. You are back home on Voyager. You do
remember me telling you about Voyager before we landed the
shuttle yesterday don't you?"
Tom nodded.
"And you remember me telling Daylia that you were my husband and
how I fought for you?"
He nodded again.
"Well it is all true Tom. You are my husband and you have come
home and now it is time for you to come back our cabin. In fact
I have a surprise for you. You will come with me won't you."
"Of course. I obey."
B'Elanna clutched his face between her hands. "Listen Tom, you
are not my slave or anyone else's. You are my husband and I love
you. Do you understand that? I'm asking you to come with me.
But I only want you to come if YOU want to, not because you feel
that you have to obey some order. Okay?"
Tom thought this over. There was so much she said, so much to
absorb. But he knew one thing he did want to go with this woman.
"I'll come."
"Great!" B'Elanna beamed with joy.
"Before you leave," the EMH piped up. "I just want to give Mr.
Paris a little shot of a nutritional supplement."
Tom seeing the hypospray in the Doctor's hand did has he had been
trained. Without question he walked over the to Doctor and
turned his back to him. With one hand he reached up behind his
back and pulled down his shirt to reveal the back of his neck.
His eyes closed and his teeth clenched in anticipation of the
excruciating pain that always followed the injections.
B'Elanna's heart broke. The EMH gently removed Tom's hand from
his shirt and with the other hand turned him around to face him
and showed him the hypospray. "This is what we call a hypospray
and it is painless, I assure you." The EMH moved the hypospray to
the side of the pilot's neck and painlessly injected the
nutritional supplement into his blood stream. All the while, Tom
looked at the Doctor nervously. "You don't have to get those
injections in the back of your neck any more."
"No more?"
"No more, I promise."
Tom looked over at B'Elanna as if for confirmation.
"He's telling you the truth, Tom. He's a very good Doctor and
wouldn't hurt you."
"Promise?" he asked sounding all of eight years old.
B'Elanna smiled at her husband, walked up to him and lovingly
slipped her arm around his waist. "I promise. Now let's go
home. Okay?"
"Okay."
B'Elanna and Tom walked down the hall en route to the cabin. The
corridors were deserted upon orders from the Captain. The EMH
didn't want Tom to be too overwhelmed by too many people too
soon.
They finally reached the outer door to their quarters. "Here we
are Tom--home sweet home." B'Elanna opened the door and they
walked in.
Tom looked around. *So this is my 'home',* he thought. *I don't
remember it. This all seems so strange.*
"Hello, B'Elanna, is that you?!"
B'Elanna laughed at the voice that emanated from the boys'
bedroom. "Yes, it's me and I brought home a surprise!"
Alera came out of the bedroom holding Kyle by one hand and Lucas
by the other, each trying their best to keep up with the half-
Betazoid.
"Tom!" Alera said and then stopped dead in her tracks.
Tom upon seeing the woman, as he had been trained, immediately
averted his eyes to the floor.
Alera starred at him, not just surprised by his actions but
startled by the flood of feelings that coursed through her.
Feelings that she could sense from Tom Paris.
B'Elanna could see that the half-Betazoid was sensing emotions
from him but determined that now, in front of Tom, was not the
best time to ask her about them. Later when he wasn't around or
in bed, would be a better time.
"Alera, thanks for staying with the boys," she went over to her
friend and picked them both up, one in each arm. "We'll talk
later."
"Any time. And if you need anything, let me know?"
"Of course."
Alera quietly left and B'Elanna sat down on the sofa with her
twins still in each arm. The boys normally so talkative were
puzzled by the man that stood before him. Because she didn't
want to confuse them, B'Elanna had yet to show them the
holoprogram that she had lovingly created of their father, they
had only seen pictures of him.
"Tom, she's gone. You can look up now," B'Elanna suggested
gently.
Tom raised his eyes to focus on the woman on the sofa with the
two boys on her lap.
"Tom, please come over here and sit down beside me."
"Yes m'lady," he said softly and obeyed.
B'Elanna's breath caught in her throat. "Tom?"
He looked at her.
"Don't ever call me 'm'lady' ever again. I'm your wife, not your
mistress. Do you understand?"
He nodded. It seemed the correct response.
"It's okay Tom. You have a lot to get used to," she said and she
smiled at him. The blessed her with a slight turn up of the
lips. The first trace of a smile since they had seen him on the
planet.
The blue and brown eyes from the boys focused on the man.
Each silently questioned who he was. Tom too looked at the
pair wondering who they were as well.
B'Elanna could see her three men all in equal states of
confusion.
Kyle removed his fist from his mouth and extended his wet chubby
left hand towards the man on the sofa. He turned his head to
look at his mother. "Dada?" he questioned.
Lucas turned his blue eyes toward and brother and grinned.
Tom looked at the two boys intently.
"Tom, this one is Lucas," said placing a kiss on the dark hair
boy's forehead, "and this little trouble maker is Kyle," she
explained bestowing a similar kiss on the blonde boy's right ear.
Kyle squealed with delight. Her kiss had tickled his ear.
"Tom do you know who these boys are?"
Tom looked blankly at the beautiful woman who sat beside him.
"No." He looked at the boys that sat on her lap. "Should I?"
B'Elanna's heart sank a bit. She had hoped that she might be
able to perform a little miracle. That as soon as Tom saw his
sons his memory might come back, but obviously that was not to
be.
"These are your sons, Tom. Our sons."
He had sons? He didn't know what to say, so he said nothing.
"I've showed them your picture every day. I never wanted them to
forget you."
*I not only have a wife, but I have sons?* Tom tentatively raised
his hand to touch the blonde haired child but just before his
fingertips would have touched the boy's hand he stopped and
brought it back. *This is too much. How can I be a husband and a
father? I hated it being with the Lady but at least it was
simpler, easier. Gods what do I do.*
B'Elanna noticed his puzzled expression and cursed herself for
introducing him to the boys this soon. She had hoped for a
miracle, but instead only succeeded in confusing Tom. The last
thing she wanted was to cause him any more pain--he had suffered
enough during the last three months without her being the one to
hurt him.
"I'm s-s-sorry," he stammered and buried his head in his hands.
"I don't know what to do, what to say."
"No, I'm the one who should be sorry, Tom. This was much too
soon for you."
"Dada--sad." Lucas said his eyes bright with tears and his lower
lip stuck out in a pout reflecting his father's sadness. For
comfort, he buried his face in his mother's neck though his eyes
never left his father.
"Yes, Lucas, your Daddy is sad and part of it is my fault," she
told her son. B'Elanna thought. It was still too early for the
boys to go to bed, maybe Alera would come back and take them for
a few hours. "Tom?"
Tom brought his hands down away from his face.
"Tom, I've laid out some of your clothes on the bed," the
motioned with her head to the right. "Why don't you go change?
I'm going to see if Alera will come get the boys and keep them
for a little while."
Following the direction of the nod, Tom arose from the sofa and
entered the bedroom to change. B'Elanna called Alera and shortly
Alera showed up to take the boys on a holodeck walk. Tom was
still in the bedroom while the women settled the boys in their
stroller.
"I'm so worried about him," B'Elanna whispered to her friend.
"I am too," Alera admitted softly. "I could sense it earlier,
B'Elanna, his emotions are very strong and disturbing. He's
terribly confused. It's like he's lost."
"I know," B'Elanna admitted tucking a blanket over the boys'
legs. "But what can I do to help him?"
"Just love him, but don't push him," the half-Betazoid
recommended.
"The first part is easy, but I hope I have the patience for the
second."
After Alera left with the boys, B'Elanna went back to the bedroom
to see what was keeping her husband. She found him dressed in
the clothes she had laid out for him but standing in the middle
of the room holding his dirty clothes.
"What's the matter, Tom?" B'Elanna asked. She reached to take
the clothes that he had worn from him. "Are you hungry? Do you
want to eat?"
He nodded his head. He was hungry.
"Come on then you can help me." B'Elanna led and Tom followed
her back out in to the main room and over to where the kitchen
area was. "What would you like? You can have anything you
want."
He looked at her puzzled. He couldn't remember anyone asking him
what he wanted.
"How about some pizza with caterian olives? You always used to
like that." He nodded and she placed an order large enough for
the two of them.
As soon as the meal materialized she picked up the steaming pizza
from the replicator and brought it to the table.
"Smells good doesn't it?" B'Elanna asked her husband.
Actually it did smell pretty good, a lot better than the food he
had eaten on the planet. He nodded his head and waited for
B'Elanna to sit at the table and he prepared to serve her. He
placed a clean napkin on her lap and a slice of the food on her
plate.
"Do you want me to feed you now?" he asked.
"Do I want you to what?" B'Elanna asked incredulously in a loud
voice.
Tom cleared his throat. "I asked you . . ."
"I know what you asked me. And no, I don't want you to feed me!"
B'Elanna roared.
Tom immediately dropped to one knee as he had been taught. "I'm
sorry if I've offended you, B'Elanna. I await your punishment."
He shut his eyes tightly and waited.
"Gods Tom, I'm sorry," B'Elanna breathed. She pushed back the
chair. He trembled in anticipation of pain. But instead of the
anticipated retaliation, she kneeled in front of him and embraced
him. "What did they do to you?" she asked.
He opened his eyes and saw that the woman's deep brown eyes were
brimming over with tears. She was crying, he realized, crying
for him. The Lady never showed this kind of emotion, only lust.
He gave into the moment and embraced her as well while her tears
flowed. Finally she stopped and looked up at him, but his eyes
still looked clouded devoid of the passion that she knew he
possessed.
B'Elanna brought her right hand up to his pale left cheek and
stroked it tenderly. "Tom, this is your cabin as much as it is
mine. And I'm your wife, your partner, not your mistress. Now
both of us going to sit at the table and eat--together. Okay?"
He nodded his head and helped her up from the floor.
After they ate and cleaned up B'Elanna noticed that Tom looked
exhausted and suggested that maybe he would like to go to bed.
She showed him back to the bedroom, turned down the covers of the
bed, and told him that he would sleep there for the night. She
shut the door. Soon Alera brought the boys back and she settled
them down to the night as well. Finally, B'Elanna stretched out
on the sofa and after a while slipped off the sleep herself.
The next morning B'Elanna rose from the couch, folded up the
blankets. She peeked in at the boys and found that they were
still sound asleep. She opened the door and looked in at her
husband and saw that the bed was untouched from the night before.
He was curled up and shivering on the floor beside the bed.
She took the extra blanket from the bed and knelt down beside him
and covered him. The Doctor had warned her about the withdrawal
symptoms.
Feeling the weight of the blanket fall over him, Tom opened
his eyes and found that B'Elanna was there beside him tucking the
blanket around him.
"Is that better?" B'Elanna asked.
"Yes. Thank you."
"Why didn't you sleep in the bed?"
"Because my place is on the floor," he explained simply.
Even though she wanted to know more, B'Elanna left it at that.
"Are you ready to get up? Or do you want to sleep more?"
"I'll get up."
B'Elanna handed him a clean set of clothes to change into and
pointed him in the direction of the bathroom while she changed
herself. She knew that the boys would probably sleep for another
couple of hours before they would be ready to get up. When she
returned to the main living area she could hear sounds of
retching from the bathroom area. More withdrawal symptoms, she
concluded and went to join him.
When she opened the door. Tom was sitting cross-legged on the
floor, his head in his hands. His face was sweaty and pale and
he had started shaking again. She wet a face cloth and lovingly
washed his face. All the while, he looked up at her with his
beautiful blue eyes. If this was an example of what today was
going to be, it was going to be a very long day B'Elanna thought.
And the day was.
Shortly after the boys arose and had there breakfast. She had
one of the female ensigns take the boys for the day. She knew
she would have enough to do taking care of her husband. The
withdrawal symptoms seemed to follow a cycle. First the shaking,
then the vomiting, and then the sweats, and though he didn't
complain of it, from the pinched expression he wore, she knew
that he had a headache as well.
Finally late in the evening, after Kyle and Lucas had returned
and were put to bed, Tom started to feel better, though he was
very tired.
Not wanting to leave him along during the night, B'Elanna slipped
under the covers of their bed and asked Tom to lay down beside
her. Before long both of them had drifted off to sleep.
