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WELCOME HOME." ====================================================================== _____________________________ |_____________________________| ___ ___ ___ ___ / /\ \ \ / / / / T H E R E 'S / / \ \ \ / / / / / / \ \ \ \ /\ / / / / J U S T / / \ \ \ \/ \ / / / / / / \ \ \ \ V / / / N O /__/ \__\ \__\___\/ /__/ _____________________________ S U B S T I T U T E |_____________________________| ====================================================================== {Fade to black, and the sound of whistling wind ... a slow fade reveals the McFarlane-school animated image of an old-fashioned sexton, walking slowly through a decrepit graveyard with a shovel slung over his shoulder. As a low chiming note drones repeatedly in the background, he reaches an open area between the graves and sets to work -- but as he breaks the earth with the shovel, the ground rumbles and light streams out, the music ripping into a garage-metal version of St. Saens's "Danse Macabre" ... he scrambles backwards in fear as the ground explodes in a shower of dirt, rocks, and fire, four wrestling rings emerging one at a time and fusing together, as zombies wrest themselves from the surrounding graves and form an audience ... As ghostly figures dive down from the skies, and coalesce into the forms of AWI superstars such as Steve the Insane, Tank Bradley, "War Machine" Greg Gardner, Justice, Ken Mischief, and Intensive Care, locking up in savage combat, the sexton runs towards the camera in blind panic -- as his face reaches a full-screen close-up, the whole picture is tinted a light green, a crosshairs forming as black intrudes around the borders to transform the screen into a circular "gunsight," the music changing once again ...} [Music] It's 2am (it's 2 am)/Fear is gone (fear is gone) I'm somewhere where/The Gun's still warm Thinking my connection/Is tired of taking chances {The black background is interrupted by a roaming "gunsight" view, within which AWI action can be seen; the sight moves across the screen, every so often cutting to change directions (and video footage).} [Music]: Now I'm steppin' into the Twilight Zone ... {Sight moves from left to right; Danny Boy McGill cinches the McGill Leglock on D.A. Bookthrower.} [Music]: This is a madhouse/Feels like being home ... {Sight moves from bottom upwards; Steve the Insane throws Nick Vorpal into a Frontal Lobotomy.} [Music]: My feet they can't move/Under moon and star ... {Sight moves from lower left to center and back to upper left (in a ">" pattern); Kerry Masters connects with an "Epitome Press" standing moonsault on Reverend Jeremiah James.} [Music]: Where am I to go Now that I've gone too far ... {Sight moves from lower right to upper left in broad arc; Tank Bradley subjects Justice to the Nail in the Coffin.} [Music]: You will come to know/when the bullet hits the bone. {Sight moves from left to right, jagging up and down erratically; Greg Gardner uses an Atomic Bomb on John "Asylum" Smith.} [Music]: You will come to know ... when the bullet hits the bone ... {Cut to a scene of four simultaneous "gunsights" (without the internal video), converging on slightly wobbly paths towards the lower left corner. As the four intersect, a loud drumbeat corresponds with the crack of a gunshot; the screen flashes bright white, then fades into the logo: ================================================================= __ __ __ __ ____ =================== /\ \ /\ \ /\ \/\ \/\ _\ /~/\ \~\ /~/ /~/ \ \ \ \ \ \\ \ `\\ \ \ \L_ / /\ \ \ \/\/ / / / \ \ \ \ \ \\ \ , ` \ \ _\ /_/ \_\ \_\_\/ /_/ \ \ \__\ \ \\ \ \`\ \ \ \L_ =================== \ \___\\ \_\\ \_\ \_\ \___\ \/___/ \/_/ \/_/\/_/\/___/ __|__ / | \ ___ ____ __ _____ ____ { /|\ } /'___\ /\ _\ /\ \ /\ __`\ /\ _\ ---+-|-O-|-+--- ___ /\ \__/ \ \ \/_\ \ \\ \ \L\ )\ \ \L_ { \|/ } / __`\ \ ,__\ \ \ _\\ \ \\ \ , / \ \ _\ \__|__/ /\ \L\ \ \ \_/ \ \ \/ \ \ \\ \ \\ \ \ \ \L_ | \ \____/\ \_\ \ \_\ \ \_\\ \_\ \_\\ \___\ \/___/ \/_/ \/_/ \/_/ \/_/\/_/ \/___/ ====================================================================== D A N S E O V E R T U R E S P E C I A L ====================================================================== >>STADIUM AERIAL<< >CAPTION<: SILVIO O. CONTE FORUM -- Boston, MS {The camera pans across a packed house of AWI fans, waving and cheering enthusiastically ... numerous signs dot the crowd, ranging from the derivative ("Shut Up, Robbie!" and "Oh My God, They Killed Kerry!"), to the original ("Tori Can't Danse" and "Zap Sprechen Zie Win"), to the outre ("Who the Hell is Charlie Hazard?" and "I'm Here And You're Not, Jamie!"). The camera also zooms over the unusual four-rings-in-a-square layout, with a small platform holding together the four middle turnbuckle posts ... Finally, it pans down to join our familiar crew of announcers ...} >CAPTION<: Justin Escobar "Madman" Mike Marone Chad Swayze [Escobar] Ola, and welcome to another edition of AWI Line of Fire -- but not just ANY Line of Fire! We're just a few days away from the first-ever DANSE MACABRE, and we're here in Boston already to start the festivities early! [Marone] Man, what a town to have the Danse in, too -- just think of all the accomplishments that took place right here in this town! Boston baked beans, Boston black bread, Boston creme pie, Boston clam chowder ... [Escobar] I think this city's well-known for more than its food, Mike -- for instance, some of our most important Founding Fathers, like John Adams and John Hancock? [Marone] Yeah, but nobody called them "Boston" John this or that, did they? [Swayze] OK, OK, that's it -- cut with the comedy, compadres, and let's get down to something seeeerious ... namely, the next women's title-holder in the AWI: the svelte but savage Svede herself, Tori Johannssen! [Marone] I thought you said /cut/ the comedy. [Swayze] Don't start with me, my friend ... I'd hate to have to display Master Robbie's secret ninja combat techniques in all their gory detail. [Escobar] Actually, I'm more than willing to concede that Tori Johannssen is a dangerous competitor and a threat to win the Women's Title tonight -- but so are the other 15 top women's wrestlers who will be competing against her in a special Danse preview match! [Swayze] Not a chance, Justino ... Oh, Tori might save a head or two so Jessie can get her kicks too, but in the end our Viking vixen is going to be unstoppable with a capital Tori! >>RINGSIDE<< {"You Don't Bring Me Flowers" by Neal Diamond comes over the PA as the returning Jessica Perkins, wearing a wedding dress, makes her way up to the Sniper's Nest.} [Escobar]: Wait a moment ... Jessica Perkins here NOW, though I don't believe she's actually /scheduled/ to make any comments right now ... [Swayze]: Escobo, when are you going to learn? Jessica's part of the Team, and the Team does what it wants, when it wants! [Marone]: With whatever toppings it wants, too. [Swayze]: Yeah, with -- would you quit DOING that, man? [Perkins] Robbie, honey, please come out here for a second ... /BEFORE I GO BACK THERE AND DRAG YOU OUT!/ {The crowd waits as Jessica pauses, filling the void with hearty boos for Robbie ... but Robbie's a no-show after several moments.} [Marone]: I don't think he's coming out. [Swayze]: {sputtering slightly} Can you blame him? Jessie can't talk to him like that! The Team's got RULES, bay-bee -- and rule #1 is, disrespect for the New Jersey Ninja is insulta-non-grata! Somebody's buckin' to do penalty laps back at la Casa Champino! [Escobar]: Mike, I certainly hope /you/ can parse that, because I'm not wasting my time trying ... and it seems Jessica Perkins isn't wasting HERS waiting for Robbie any longer. [Perkins] {raises mike to speak again} Robbie, listen and listen good. You seem to think that if I act a little nuts I'll have an edge in the ring, that it'd throw people off a bit. Well, Robbie, I'm tired. I'm tired of playing the game your way. I'm tired of running around with that stupid doll. I'm tired of teaming with that freak Johannsen. Most of all, I'm tired of pretending that I give a damn about you, Robbie. [Swayze]: Wha--wha-WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? [Perkins] So, I'm done with all that. No more. From now on I do things on my terms. For everyone in that locker room who thinks they've figured me out -- you've got a surprise coming. Appearances can be very deceiving. As for you Stevens ... they told me in the front office that I can't sign to face you in a match. So, I'm gonna have to take it out on Brunhilda there. If there's anything left of her after the Danse, I want her in a match. Oh, and Robbie .. I'm not gonna need an act to intimidate you. Last time in the AWI, everyone thought I was a freak because of you. I don't forgive, and I don't forget. {Jessica leaves the ring to surprisingly enthusiastic cheers from the unsurprisingly anti-Stevens crowd.} >>PRESS TABLE<< [Swayze] That's IT, man! She's gone too far! I can just about guarantee that when the Robster hears this, she's as good as fired! [Escobar] Fired?? Chad, in case you missed what everybody ELSE here just saw, Jessica Perkins just QUIT Team Stevens! [Swayze] Don't be loco, Escobo -- NOBODY quits Team Stevens ... it'd be like telling the waiter to take your filet mignon back because it's just too tender and delicious, comprende? We're the straw that stirs the AWI drink! [Marone] I think she just flicked the straw into the trash, dude. {"Wild Thing" by the Troggs begins to play over the PA.} [Escobar] And, with Flynn Kingsley already in the ring, we're ready for the debut of a new AWI all-star tonight, the dynamic Kanaida Sharpe, who had this to say earlier ... [Swayze] HEY! I WASN'T DONE SPEAKING YET! I'VE STILL GOT STUFF TO S-- ====================================================================== {"Wild Thing" Kanaida Sharpe sits in his dressing room and sees the camera crew has shown up.} [Sharpe] Ah, good. You're here. How's it going, AWI? Wild Thing coming at you live from the Overture. This is just before my first match, and I gotta admit, I'm a little nervous. I'm gonna take my first step towards my dreams and you're all gonna see me do it. {He takes a deep breath and lets it out.} I've been waiting my whole life for three moments: when I marry the woman of my dreams ... when I win the world title ... and of course, this one. This one right here. To wrestle in front of millions of people who hopefully will love me as much as I love them. To be a professional wrestler. To face a guy who's been pining away at the same dream his whole life, and let the better man win the match -- assuming it's a fair one. Well, wish me luck, world ... wish yourselves some too, because life just got a little wilder. And it's time to walk on the wild side. Let's dance, huh? [he jumps up and runs outside to his match] ====================================================================== >>RINGSIDE<< {The previously-seen Mr. Sharpe comes bounding down the aisle, slapping hands with the fans along the way ... he does a lap around the ring giving out high-fives, and the audience seems won over by his infectious enthusiasm -- especially the young lady in the front row who gets his leather jacket before he turns towards the ring ...} [Escobar]: The "Wild Thing" wasting no time making friends with this great AWI crowd! [Swayze]: That's good -- maybe some of them can be his pallbearers. Cut ME off, will he? [Marone]: Uh, I don't think it was really his fault. [Swayze]: That's the problem with this latest generation, my man. They don't wanna take the blame for ANYTHING. {Kanaida hurtles into the ring to begin a battering offensive, raining blows on a quickly off-balance Kingsley, then whips him into the ropes and drives him into the mat for a powerslam ...} [Escobar]: Neither is Kanaida wasting time in getting this match started! Flynn Kingsley barely has enough time to get out of his corner before Sharpe shows him who's boss! [Marone]: Springsteen! Cool, I knew that one. [Swayze]: Don't worry, Mikey, the astronomers tell me Earth'll be back your way in a season or two. [Escobar]: Flynn into the ropes -- and a BIG powerslam! Now THAT's potential! [Marone]: That /was/ potential. Now it's kinetic. I remember some things from high school ... I also remember that HURTS, and Flynn wishes he DIDN'T know that now. Kinda like me on cold mornings. {Sharpe pulls Kingsley into a hammerlock, getting his feet under him while holding Kingsley prone on the mat, then breaks the hold only to drop an elbow and re-apply the hold ... this time, Kingsley manages to work his way to his feet, but Sharpe slips around his grip to catch his opponent with a full-nelson suplex ...} [Escobar]: Kanaida getting a little less "wild" here, but also showing an ability to control the match, as Flynn having real problems trying to get out of that hammerlock -- and Sharpe gives him what he asks for, AND makes him pay for it! [Swayze]: Yeah, I'd like to see him try that on the Tank -- Bradley would shrug him off like a butterfly and then churn the butter out of him! [Escobar]: Right now, Flynn Kingsley probably is wishing Tank WAS in there. [Marone]: The way his last wish went, Tank'd probably team up with Kanaida to beat him up. [Swayze]: In your dreams ... or my nightmares, which are pretty much the same. [Marone]: You have nightmares about the giant carrot with the Charles Nelson Reilly mask? [Swayze]: HUH?? I will NOW ... [Escobar]: Match, gents -- Flynn to his feet at last -- but NO! Sharpe with an excellent full-nelson suplex! {Sharpe plays to the fans some, which gives Kingsley the opportunity to charge him from behind with a forearm smash; after a pair of kicks, Kingsley whips Sharpe into the ropes, but his back-drop attempt is badly telegraphed and Sharpe hits him with a knee-lift followed by a neckbreaker ...} [Escobar]: Kanaida on the turnbuckle now, and he's shouting out to the fans now -- but a little too long, and Kingsley with a vicious forearm from behind. [Swayze]: Typical rookie mistake. This guy MIGHT have been Team Stevens material if he could just stay true to his cool, but noooo -- he's gotta have that phony "love" jazz from the seat-warmers out there. [Escobar]: Kingsley moving swiftly to take advantage -- but Sharpe sees through it, and delivers the knee -- and a bonus neckbreaker! [Marone]: You know, it's really not much of a bonus, when you think about it -- more like the 'substantial' part of that 'substantial penalty for early withdrawal' ... {Sharpe hoists up Kingsley into a brainbuster suplex, then calls out to the fans, "You wanna see it?!" ... after a fairly favorable crowd response, he locks Kingsley into an iron-claw grip, hoists him into the air again, and drives him into the mat for a cover.} [Escobar]: A textbook brain-buster leaves Flynn wondering what zip-code he's in ... [Swayze]: 'Wanna see it?' See WHAT? [Marone]: You know, IT. They have it in Nevada somewhere. [Escobar]: Kanaida with an iron grip -- he's got him in the air, and a DEVASTATING claw slam! [Swayze]: Can we use the word "devastating" still? And you're really gonna call THAT devastating? [Marone]: Not THAT, IT! [Swayze]: Huh? [Marone]: Not 'huh' either -- [Swayze]: CUT IT OUT! [Escobar]: In ANY case, it's devastating enough for the 1-2-3! And that means a big debut win for "the Wild Thing!" [Marone]: And it means I don't have to go to Nevada now! ====================================================================== WHEN WE RETURN: Will Robbie Shut Up At Last? COMMERCIAL BREAK: Burger King: it's not yet a burger republic, but they're getting there ... The things Tiger can do with a golf ball and club may not have anything to do with me buying shoes, but it's sorta cool, ain't it? ... Snapple: when a wierdo cultist says reincarnation as your desire is in your future, it's a bad time to be thirsty ... ====================================================================== {"Who are you?" by The Who hits the air as the newcomer known as Sybil makes her AWI debut. She trots down the aisle with a friendly, yet meek, wave to the somewhat restless crowd, and rolls into the ring. Sybil is a solidly built woman; nothing flashy stands out as she comports herself conservatively, with short brown hair, and looks scared to death. Dressed in a black satin jacket, she retrieves the ring mic and clears her throat before speaking.} [Sybil] ... ... [Swayze]: Uh ... is my headset busted? [Escobar]: Actually, I believe she's having headset trouble of some kind -- [Swayze]: Or just head trouble. LOUDER, sister! {A production assistant gets her attention and with a kind gesture indicates that she has to speak up.} [Sybil] {clears throat} Is this better? Good. Um, tonight here at Danse Overture you're going to see some of the top female wrestling talent in the world, all vying for the AWI Women's World Title. Well, if you're half as excited as I am, then this should be a memorable evening. I-I've been training hard, and making sacrifices to reach this point in my career; a point which I hope will mean a long and rewarding time in the squared circle. As such, I w-w-will wrestle anybody, anytime. So there are open contracts with my name on them. I hope you'll give me a chance. I'm not the strongest, not the fastest, not the most experienced, but I try real hard. In fact, my doctors say that is just as important when faced with one's fears and top-notch competition. Th-this is my first time out here, and I'm really scared but you can't let that stop you, right? So, um, this is my debut. {Sybil politely hands the mic back to the ring announcer, and then pulls it back to add a "Thank you," before removing her jacket and awaiting the evening's opponent.} [Swayze]: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*srooonnkk*ZZZZZZZZZZZ--oh, I'm sorry, is she done talkin'? [Escobar]: Can't you show just a MODICUM of respect for a game newcomer to our sport? [Swayze]: Did you say "game" or "lame"? Face it, Justino, there's only one way to describe a girl like that: lamb to the slaughter. And here comes the the axe-lady right now ... {Def Leppard's "Rock of Ages" blares through the speakers as a compact but very muscular brunette in a black one-sleeved, one-legged singlet makes her way to the ring.} [Escobar]: She may not be the 'axe-lady', but I'm sure Janet LeVond will prove a worthy challenge to Miss Sybil ... {LeVond drops Sybil before the bell with a solid clothesline.} [Marone]: Well, she's off to a good start, at least. [Escobar]: Yes, Janet LeVond manages to catch the newcomer off guard, and she's slow to recover ... {Levond scoops up Sybil for a bodyslam, then whips her into the turnbuckle, and charges in with another clothesline, but Sybil manages to get out of the way as LeVond eats the post.} [Escobar]: LeVond with the show of power, and then it's into the turnbuckle -- but Sybil showing quite a bit of speed, and turns the tables! [Marone]: I hope she isn't too rattled by the opening, man. She's really nervous. {Sybil with a few kicks from a distance leads to a side headlock, but LeVond gives her an elbow to the plexus, spins her around, and hits a gutwrench suplex.} [Escobar]: Sybil feeling out her opponent with a fadeaway kick arsenal ... moves in and locks up -- [Swayze]: And eats an elbow Blind Melon Chitlin could have seen coming! And I understand he was BLIND! [Marone]: Hey, she's just got a little case of the first-match jitters, man ... don't you remember those? [Swayze]: I don't remember ANYTHING from my first match ... uh, forget I said that. I mean, I was never scared, is all. [Escobar]: {dryly} Right. {LeVond follows up the suplex with a series of stomps; Sybil rolls out of the ring to regroup, but LeVond drags her by the hair back to the apron and drives her into it face-first.} [Marone]: Do you remember a bright light and dead relatives beckoning? [Swayze]: I SAID FORGET IT! [Escobar]: LeVond taking control of this match now, and Sybil decides a break is in order to regain her bearings ... but Janet has her by the hair! [Swayze]: HA! Lesson #3, honey, behind "you're just not good enough" and "the Team is your dream", is "there are NO timeouts in wrestling!" [Marone]: But your buds do that sort of thing all the time, dude. [Swayze]: Weren't you paying attention during Lesson #2? {LeVond hoists Sybil to her feet, then suplexes her into the ring, locking her into a camel clutch afterward ... Sybil manages to reach the ropes, but as she's getting to her feet LeVond powers her back down with a salto suplex.} [Escobar]: LeVond gets her opponent back in the ring the hard way ... and she is in COMPLETE control of this match -- Sybil grabs the ropes like a lifeline-- [Swayze]: If that's her idea of a lifeline, she's gonna drown. I've seen deer in the middle of the road that looked less lost than Little Miss Roughed-Up here ... {LeVond picks up her opponent by the hair again and nails her with a series of knees, then whips her into the turnbuckle again, this time using a series of elbow shots.} [Marone]: Justin, this is really ... [Swayze]: Funny? Amusing? Hysterical? Screaming for popcorn? [Marone]: BAD ... it's ... it's like she's forgotten she's even IN a ring. [Escobar]: LeVond is basically attacking at will right now, I'm forced to agree ... [Marone]: Man, this is gonna end up one of those mondo- bizarro underground videos, like bears attacking people or Cpt. Kirk reciting "Rocket Man", y'know? {LeVond sets up Sybil on the top turnbuckle, and brings her crashing back to the mat with a belly-to-belly superplex, making the cover.} [Escobar]: LeVond taking things to the top now ... and setting up Sybil for a truly quick downfall ... [Marone]: C'mon, Sybil, now's the time to pull out a fancy move and really surprise her! You can do it! [Escobar]: BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPERPLEX BY LEVOND! [Swayze]: Well, /I/ was surprised -- surprised the MAT didn't break! [Marone]: I'm NOT laughin, Chad. [Escobar]: Neither is Sybil, I'm afraid -- she's not doing ANYTHING after that ... Brandie Mulroney makes the count, but this one is academic ... your winner is Janet LeVond! [Swayze]: And just remember, people, this was only her DEBUT! She's going to do SO much better next time ... yeah, she's just to lose the next match the BEST way she knows how ... just watch her lose the CRAP out of it, you'll be so impressed ... [Escobar]: Chad, PLEASE ... actually, it's probably best to go to ANOTHER Chad at this point: Chad Duncan, with comments from-- oh, can't we just go to COMMERCIAL? [Swayze]: Too late, Justino -- the segue's in the can! Take it away, boss-man! ====================================================================== {Camera cuts to the back, where Chad Duncan has apparently caught up to Robbie Stevens. Robbie's wearing a t-shirt which has an airbrushed copy of the AWI TV Title around it so it looks like Robbie's wearing the belt.} [Chad Duncan] Chad Duncan here. I've tracked down Robbie Stevens... [Robbie] That's AWI TV Champion, Robbie Stevens... [Duncan] Uhhh ... right ... Robbie, I notice you didn't respond to Jessica Perkins's outburst just tonight ... [Robbie] Look Chad-du, I've seen enough of Jessica Perkins in my life time and personally I don't want to see any more of her. [Duncan] Care to comment on what she had to say? [Robbie] Yeah, I do, Chad. First off, everything that nutball said is a total lie. It was *MY* idea to have her *ACT* crazy? Chad, that was no act. Jessica Perkins is a certified lunatic. Now, all of a sudden, people are taking her word as being true? Now all of a sudden, Jessica Perkins isn't a fruitcake? Yeah, she's got a new attitude ... probably because she's developed another personality. It was my idea to have her like me? Oh sure ... that makes sense. Robbie Stevens has a girlfriend ... who breaks up that relationship? Jessica Perkins. Robbie Stevens wins the TV Title and has more girls beating down his door than Leonardo DiCaprio ... does he get to enjoy the female companionship? Nooooo, because Jessica Perkins is there to scare them all away. Chad, do you know what it's like to have a psycho hose beast trying to run your life ... duh, of course you do, you tell me about your wife all the time ... [Duncan] Now just a-- [Stevens] {ignoring Chad's protest} Jessica Perkins obsesses over me all the time. I try to keep everything on a business level. I don't want to get mixed up her in a personal relationship, but she keeps pressing the issue. She's lucky I don't file a sexual harrassment suit against her. Then Jessica comes out here tell you a sob story about how it's all my fault she's not a success. The fact of the matter is she's not a success because she's a LOSER! I tried to do what I could but it was just no use. After getting dozens of letters begging ... PLEADING ... for me to get her into the AWI, I took pity on her. I figured I could make her a star just like I've done with everyone else I've managed. But I'm man enough to admit I was wrong. She wants to talk about "that freak" that was her partner? The reason why Tori never won the tag team titles was because she had to carry the anchor named Jessica around on her back. You want a piece of Tori after tonight Jessica, you've got it. The only question is if they be anything left of you after she gets her hands on you tonight. Trust me Jessica, it's not a question of "if" she'll sink her teeth into you, it's only a question of how long it will take to get a hold of you. Be careful what you wish for Jessica, because you just might get it! ====================================================================== WHEN WE RETURN: Do the Chaos Brothers have a Deathwish? COMMERCIAL BREAK: If you see only one movie of supernatural bent this summer, pretend 'Heather' got killed and go see "Sixth Sense" instead ... John Elway, these commercials, and Coors -- two out of three are originals ... if you like chasing your appliances, you'll love Energizer batteries ... ====================================================================== {"Who Makes Da Loot?" by the Brand New Heavies with Grand Puba plays over the speakers, as Jamahn Chamberlin makes his way to ringside, accompanied as usual by his bodyguard Felony Slade ... he slides into the ring, and Felony "persuades" the ring announcer to hand over the mic, Jamahn convincing his man to chill a little before he starts to talk.} [Chamberlin] Never fear, the Boss is here ... IS BOSTON IN THE HOOOOOOOUSSSEE?!?!? {Boston, like most crowds, can't resist showing it's in the house, cheering wildly ...} [Slade] I think they're in the house. [Chamberlin] {grinning slyly} Thanks for the news, Slade ... {slips into more formal talk} but alas, we've got other things to talk about ... important things ... PPV-type things -- things which get you to watch more Pay-Per-Views and buy more T-Shirts -- things like that. Y'all MIGHT have noticed this, or you might not have ... but the AWI's Danse card? It's a little full ... specifically, I have about two DOZEN people trying to get seats on a 16-man bus. And that's just not a good thing -- the driver gets mad, people are hangin' out windows, dragging along on the tires ... it's not a pretty sight. Now ... how in the world do I fix that, without making a liar out of some pretty big names, without making very large men angry, without havin' to give the Enforcer here a bigger paycheck? {Chamberlin rubs his chin as if deep in thought; apparently that's not enough, because he gestures to Felony, who begins pacing as if also deep in thought ... Chamberlin then snaps his fingers, as Felony stops in mid-pace.} Of course! The problem here is all these tag teams munching up spots! I got tag teams all over the place wanting to get in on the Danse action, but that's creating ... space issues ... Luckily, my brain is Y2K compliant, so I've already got the solution. Your new lineup for the Danse Macabre ... wrestling in the singles division, "Way Cool Jr." Corey Bonham ... Ed Carr ... "Tsunami" Scott Deda ... Smith Durbin ... "War Machine" Greg Gardner ... Reverend Jeremiah James ... "Mr. NLS," Maurice Jackson ... Kien Lun ... the "Scarecrow" Dominic Nightshade ... "Wildfire" Johnny Rage ... Jack Robertson ... Robbie Stevens ... and, in the TAG TEAM division, the Honor Guard ... Intensity ... Intensive Care ... and the winner of tonight's match between the Chaos Brothers and ... Charlie Hazard and whoever. Now, since all those tag teams are probably each going to work as a team anyhow, the word "team" being right there and all, I figure it's only fair to let them STAY a unit. So, for example, Rich? You pin somebody, Sam comes along to the next ring with you. You get pinned? Sam goes back to the locker with what's left of you. Now, as to certain announcements made in previous weeks by overzealous wrestlers about doing double-time in the Danse ... stay tuned. Kerry, Jerry ... I don't want you guys getting killed by Robbie's clowns because you were thinking of how to get into the third ring, you know what I mean? So wrestle for the North American belts first. Then, whatever's left over can talk to me about expanding the Danse just a WEE bit more. Now, I hate to rule and run, but the Commish's work is never done, so ... {"Who Makes Da Loot?" keys back up on the speakers, as Jamahn and Felony split ...} [Swayze]: Man, can you believe that? He's giving Sam and Rich CARD BLANK to double-up on the whole shebang! Like THAT'S fair! [Escobar]: I thought it sounded very reasonable, and I'm sure it will PROVEN to be compared to what Robbie and Corey will do ... now, we have a match starting ... {Ring announcer Rod Allen stands in the ring, microphone in hand.} [Rod Allen] Ladies and gentlemen, the next event is a tag team bout set for one fall ... introducing first ... from Berlin, Germany, "Zap" London ... and his partner, from Johannesburg, South Africa, "Blunt" Dakota ... weighing in at a combined total of four hundred and thirty pounds ... together, they are ... the CHAOS BROTHERS!!! {"Chaos Brothers" by Die Toten Hosen, a bubbly electronica piece, plays on the PA as Blunt and Zap walk down to ringside.} [Allen] And their opponents tonight ... they claim to hail from Tacoma, Washington ... weighing in at a combined total of four-hundred ninety-four pounds ... "Deathwish" Charlie Hazard and {reads card} ... and Grey Guardians! [Escobar]: Guardian*s*??? [Marone]: Oh, man, Charlie's getting so shoddy about this secret partner thing, he just photocopied an ID from the last event ... {A grey-clad figure comes reeling down from the rafters, hanging from a bungee cord by its leg.} [Marone]: Hey -- look out!!! CHARLIE UP! {The Chaos Brothers charge for it, but pause in confusion when it reaches the end of its rope, bouncing up and down slightly.} [Escobar]: Well, Charlie Hazard *did* warn the Chaos Brothers to 'look up to the skies', but this doesn't seem-- hold on! {Two more grey-clad figures come charging down the aisleway to the ring while Blunt and Zap are distracted, one pulling the other along by the back of the head; they slide in under the rope, and the larger figure rushes the Chaos brothers, knocking down Zap with a clothesline from behind. He then scoops up Blunt with a bodyslam.} [Escobar]: Apparently, it's just a dummy in the ring, then -- [Swayze]: Actually, I count THREE dummies in the ring, plus Charlie and his buddy. {The larger drops a leg on Zap, while Blunt shakes off the daze of the clothesline, then lunges for the second masked man. Big Grey rolls Zap out of the ring, steps out onto the apron, and leaps off with a flying elbow drop.} [Escobar]: Divide and conquer seems to be the strategy here, as the two teams pair off in opposite ends of the arena ... although it seems that Hazard's partner is having a much better time of things ... {Blunt unmasks his opponent, revealing a rather shaken-looking man with balding dish-blonde hair.} [Escobar]: I think Blunt Dakota has "Grey Guardian #1" unmasked -- and it's ... uh ... [Marone]: I think it's ... Grey Guardian Number One. [Escobar]: But if that's NOT Hazard, then where IS he? [Swayze]: I don't mean to speak ill of the deathwished, but does he strike you as all that bright? Could be he took the wrong exit on the way here, and his pal Grey #2 there had to find a way to carry the slack! >>AISLE<< {Big Grey whips Zap into the railing, then attempts a bodyslam, but gets punched away. Zap follows with a side kick, and a back elbow shot.} [Escobar]: Zap pressing his advantage while he can, and-- MADRE DIOS!!! {Charlie Hazard appears on the *top* of the aisle entrance arch, and jumps off with an elbow aimed at Zap, who just barely manages to duck aside.} [Escobar]: He may not have been in the "rafters", so to speak, but he still found a way to sneak into this match -- how Zap managed to avoid that I have NO idea! [Marone]: Yeah, but ouch city! Hazard's lucky the floor didn't dodge him too, or he'd STILL be falling. [Escobar]: Quite right, Mike -- que? [Swayze]: Don't even try, Justino, it'll just make your head hurt. {Zap levels Grey with an enziguri, while Blunt keeps Charlie down with a full nelson lock. Both Zap and Grey stand up; Zap lashes out with a karate kick, Grey responds with a shoulderblock. Charlie breaks free with an elbowsmash, only to get locked into an armbar. Grey moves over while Zap is down, kicking Blunt away from Charlie.} [Escobar]: Zap and Blunt finally have the REAL opponents under control in this match for the first time ... Zap and "Grey" trading blows, neither managing to get a full advantage ... [Swayze]: Blunt thinks he can hold down "Deathwish" Charlie with a lame little armlock? He's just letting that craziness build up, and when it goes, it's gonna be a full-out loon explosion! [Escobar]: I'm, uh, sure that's a fate we're all hoping doesn't happen, whatever it's supposed to be -- but Zap's down now! And Grey -- well, the only Grey left, really -- frees Hazard! [Swayze]: Ka-crazy! {As Zap gets up and approaches the other three, Grey irish whips Blunt into Zap. He then picks up Hazard by the legs, and giant swings Charlie into the Chaos Brothers.} [Escobar]: The Chaos Brothers momentarily thrown off the offensive here, as Grey attempts to help his partner -- well, he picks him up -- he -- WHAT?! [Marone]: Whoa ... that's flyin' the friendly and unfriendly skies at the same time. [Escobar]: Hazard literally TOSSED at the Chaos Brothers by his own PARTNER, and it looks like he's HAPPY about it! [Swayze]: What can I say? The man just REALLY wants his hands on those two jokers, and he's impatient to get at them. That, and he's nuts. {The "Grey Guardian" rips off his mask, using it to choke Zap as he drags him back to the ring. Hazard picks up a chair and swings it at Blunt; Blunt manages to duck out of the way, and immobilizes Charlie with a bear hug.} [Escobar]: Hazard's "friend" now finally ditching the mask -- [Swayze]: WAIT! HE'S UNMASKING! It's ... IT'S CHRIS HAYES! [Escobar]: Yes, we kn-- [Swayze]: THE GREY GUARDIAN IS "HEARTLESS" CHRIS HAYES! THIS IS INCREDIBLE! [Escobar]: Look, we /knew/ that -- [Swayze]: I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! CHRIS HAYES IS CHARLIE HAZARD'S TAG TEAM PARTNER! [Escobar]: He's BEEN Hazard's tag team partner sinc-- [Swayze]: WE ARE -- [Marone]: HEY! BREATHE! [Swayze]: Huh? [Marone]: Thanks. Now hush up. [Escobar]: As I was saying, these two have BEEN a tag team for years! [Swayze]: You're just sore that Chad the Chiller got the call. [Escobar]: Never MIND -- Hazard with a chair now -- but Blunt smartly keeps it from becoming a factor ... >>IN RING<< {Chris, now back inside with Zap, throws a forearm smash, but Zap trips him with a legsweep. Getting up, he bounces back off the ropes for a short run, then drops a leg, but Hayes rolls aside.} [Marone]: I just remembered something ...who the heck is the legal man? [Escobar]: Well ... truth be told, I think it pretty much has to be Zap and Chris at this point. >>RINGSIDE<< {Hazard punches his way out of Blunt's grip, and irish whips him into the railing. He then marches down the aisle towards the ring.} [Swayze]: Blunt may have been able to keep the chair from being a factor, but he forgot about all the OTHER metal at ringside! [Marone]: Yeah, that's something you really don't want to do, lemme tell you -- it's NEVER a 'gentle' reminder. >>IN RING<< {Chris grabs Zap by the legs for a giant swing. He drags Zap to his corner, and makes a tag to Charlie, who hops into the ring, landing on his back. Chris grabs his legs, and does a slingshot catapult *on* Charlie, who uses the momentum to try to punch Zap, but Zap rolls aside and Charlie hits the ringpost.} [Escobar]: That's a ... rather unconventional tactic attempted by Chris Hayes ... [Marone]: I'm thinkin' that either didn't go as planned, or they need a new plan. Generally speakin', turnbuckles don't tap out much. [Swayze]: This is why they call him HEARTLESS, Justino -- he doesn't care about A-NEE-ONE!!! Not you, not me, not the fans, not that nutball Charlie he tags with ... this is NOT the man you want manning the shiny red button that goes boom! {Zap hits Charlie with a series of martial arts kicks before he can recover, driving him back towards the Chaos corner; when they get close enough, a crescent kick knocks Charlie down, and Zap makes the tag. The Chaos Brothers make a tandem attack, Zap dropping a leg while Blunt drops an elbow, then Zap rolls out of the ring; Blunt stays on the mat, cinching Charlie in body scissors.} [Escobar]: Zap basically using his martial arts prowess like a chair and whip here to herd Charlie ... {Charlie reaches the ropes, and Blunt breaks the lock. He grabs Charlie in a headlock, stands up, and attempts a bodyslam, but Charlie grabs the ropes again; Blunt quickly switches to a single leg takedown instead, and keeping hold of Charlie's leg, leaps forward for a hamstring stretch. Dakota then rolls Charlie over, locking on a reverse toehold.} [Escobar]: Hazard to the ropes, and Newman forces the break ... Blunt moves in again though and keeps Deathwish under wraps ... another hand on the ropes -- leg takedown -- into hamstring pull -- and a toehold! Blunt doing an EXCELLENT job of keeping Hazard under control here! [Marone]: Probably a good idea, too -- the more Hazard stays on the ground, the less Hayes can hit Blunt with 'im. {Charlie presses out of the toehold; Blunt quickly stands up and then falls back down, driving an elbow into the back of Charlie's knee. He then puts on an STF.} [Escobar]: STF on Hazard! This could be it -- we could see a tap-out here! [Swayze]: Uh, sure -- he lets the guy he TAGS with toss him around like a rag doll, but a little stretchy-time is gonna send him to the showers? Call me when you and Dorothy get back with your brain, Justino! {Charlie shakes off the facelock, and Blunt wraps a half nelson on, pulling Charlie to his feet. Charlie twists around and grabs Blunt, throwing him into the turnbuckle. He then slaps a tag to Chris, and the two go to work with double-team kicks for a bit.} [Escobar]: Hazard finally away from Blunt, and he goes on the offensive now -- and Hayes joining him now ... really, Newman should get in there and stop that! [Marone]: Um, I think Newman really doesn't want to get into an argument with those two. [Swayze]: Not to mention how Blunt would probably just hit HIM from behind, the sneaky git. {Chris whips Blunt into the ropes; Blunt leapfrogs him on the first pass, rebounds, and gets hit hard by a kick to the sternum. Chris grabs his head while he's doubled over, and drills him with a DDT.} [Escobar]: Quick counter, and-- nada, Dakota can't capitalize ... and HAYES with the high impact maneuver! {Getting up, Chris steps onto the second turnbuckle, and launches himself off to nail Blunt with an elbow drop. He gets up and bends down to grab Blunt's legs, but Blunt uses a single leg takedown to put Chris on the mat, then rolls over to make the tag to Zap.} [Escobar]: Dakota with a surprise takedown -- and ZAP IS IN! {Zap hops into the ring, hits Chris with a side kick as he's standing up, then whips him into the ropes, taking off in the opposite direction. Both rebound, and Zap meets him in the middle with an enziguri kick; Zap rolls to his feet, and spikes an axe kick into Chris.} [Escobar]: Zap London is now making a practical *exhibition* of Chris Hayes! [Swayze]: Yeah, right -- an exhibition of how NOT New Jersey Ninja he is ... {Zap pulls Chris to his feet, but Chris recovers quickly and scoops him up onto a shoulder, then drops to the mat for a powerslam.} [Swayze]: ... there, see? My main man Robbie would NEVER get caught in a crush-o-rama like that! [Marone]: Because he wouldn't have lasted this long? {Standing back up, Chris lunges for the Chaos corner, slapping Blunt in the face.} [Swayze]: Yea-- no! {Blunt quickly gets into the ring, but the referee moves to stop him; Charlie Hazard, meanwhile, climbs to the top of his own turnbuckle, and jumps off to hit Zap with a flying headbutt as he's standing.} [Escobar]: No, is RIGHT! Hazard with an unbelievable, if COMPLETELY uncalled for, daredevil attack on Zap! [Swayze]: Oh, good segue, Escobo -- y'know, the Roadhouse is starting to feel a little double-teamed *himself* right about now ... {Chris waits for Hazard to stand, then grabs his head and DDTs him into Zap.} [Escobar]: The always unpredictable Charlie Hazard contributes to some kind of spiked headbutt combination ... [Marone]: Oh, no, Justin. I've been in that kind of thing before. That's not a spike anything, it's a DDT. Ouch. {Charlie heads back out of the ring, and Chris goes to pick up Zap, who kicks him away, then sweeps out his legs. Standing up, he drops a leg on Chris, then rolls to his corner to tag in Blunt. Blunt steps in, and elbow drops Chris, then rolls him over to cinch on an STF.} [Escobar]: New man in the ring -- and in complete control! [Marone]: Uh, I may be sounding a little like Chad here, but ... well, when you got "Chaos" on one corner and "Havoc" on the other, I don't think "control" is going to stick around that long ... {Chris breaks free, and Blunt gets back up; he grabs one of Chris's feet before Chris can stand, and quickly leaps into a hamstring stretch. He then locks on a reverse toehold.} [Escobar]: Point taken, Mike, but still it seems that Blunt Dakota has this match well in hand -- considering the comparative lack of scouting opportunites the Chaos Brothers would have had for tonight's match, they have been MOST efficient at blockading the Cry Havoc offense! {Chris pushes his way out, and sits up; he scores a back elbow shot on Blunt, turns around, and snaps him into a DDT.} [Marone]: OW! I think Chris just knocked his blockade off. [Swayze]: Yeah, just think -- that's the MOST efficient they can get! THEY'RE DOOMED! {laughs} {Standing back up, he picks up Blunt by the legs and giant swings him around. Letting him go, Chris climbs the corner, as Blunt dizzily stands back up; Chris jumps off to knock him down with a flying shoulderblock, hooking a leg for the cover -- but Blunt throws him off before the count.} [Escobar]: Chris Hayes attempting a high risk maneuver, more characteristic of his partner ... but JUST AS accurate!!! Blunt is DOWN, and here's the cover-- wait, no count ... {Blunt gets the advantage on Chris, snaring him in an armbar; Chris breaks out with a back elbowsmash, then stands up fully before sending Blunt crashing down with a clothesline.} [Swayze]: Let me tell you, Dakotoyota should have STAYED down when Chris gave him the CHANCE ... now the big guy is gonna get MEAN ... [Marone]: You mean, "stay mean", don't you? [Swayze]: {lamely attempting a deep intimidating voice} You have no idea. {He turns to tag in Charlie, but Blunt keeps him in the ring with a drop toehold; Chris retaliates with a headlock, dragging Blunt up and to the enemy corner. He tags in Charlie, and the pair deliver a double DDT.} [Marone]: Hey, cool! Charlie gets to hurt somebody the EASY way! [Escobar]: {dryly} The world celebrates. {Charlie covers Blunt: 1 ... 2 ... Blunt puts a foot on the ropes. Charlie drags him back up to his feet, and hooks an arm for a hip toss, but Blunt blocks it, then reaches down to grab a leg, tripping Charlie into a single-leg takedown.} [Escobar]: Hazard and Hayes pause their attack long enough for a cover ... but Blunt on the ropes before Newman reaches 3! [Marone]: Whew. I thought we were stuck with 'em. [Escobar]: Hazard hoisting up Blunt again -- NO, Blunt brings him down with a scientific reversal! {He goes to tag in Zap, but Charlie gets back to his feet and kicks out Blunt's knee. Standing fully, he lunges forward with a headbutt, then runs past Blunt to jump on the top rope, springing off backwards to hit Blunt with an elbow. Rolling over, he makes another cover.} [Escobar]: Hazard regaining the offensive -- and BRUTALIZES Dakota with a cranium-cracker! HIGH flying move from Deathwish -- but it's only a one count! [Swayze]: In a match like this, that should be good enough -- heck, Blunt can't COUNT any higher anyways! {Charlie stands up, then jumps into the air, falling onto Blunt in a vertical splash.} [Swayze]: You know, I've been thinking ... [Escobar]: Oh, wonders ... [Swayze]: With a name like "Blunt", what do you think? A big inanimate object, right? Big ... flat ... heavy ... {He drags Blunt back to his feet as he stands again, whipping him to the ropes, and following in after.} [Escobar]: And? [Swayze]: Heavy, right? Like something that ought to STAY DOWN? {A jumping clothesline from Charlie carries both men over the top rope.} [Escobar]: I don't think-- OLA! Stay or not, BOTH men just took a trip down right there! {Charlie stands up, and climbs the ringside stairs, getting on top the corner turnbuckle from outside; he jumps off with a flying double axehandle smash, but Blunt Dakota drops to the mat, ducking it, then sends Charlie to the floor with a drop toehold.} [Swayze]: AAAAGH! See?!? That's just what I'm talking about! He just keeps getting back up! Boingee Boingee Boingee! [Marone/Escobar]: {unison} Boingee??? {Blunt breaks the hold and pulls Charlie up, whipping him into the ring apron. He shoves Charlie back inside, and climbs in himself.} [Swayze]: So, that's it -- from now on, the big slow Chaos Brother is officially "Bounce" Dakota! Got it? Good! [Marone]: {loud whisper} Is it just me, or is he getting kind of surreal? [Escobar]: I, well ... no comment. {While he is getting inside, Charlie makes the tag to Chris, who scoops up Charlie onto a shoulder, then powerbombs him onto Blunt.} [Swayze]: YEE-OWCHA!!! I would NOT want to be Charlie right now ... but I bet BOUNCE'd trade places in a second! [Escobar]: Indeed, DEVASTATING double-team powerbomb from the Cry Havoc combination ... and the Chaos Brothers could be in *serious* trouble ... {While Charlie rolls outside the ring, Chris legdrops Blunt, then picks him back up. Blunt manages to get behind Chris, and locks on a half nelson.} [Swayze]: That's right, Justino! You can-- HEY! He did it AGAIN! Read your lines, blockhead, "THE CHAOS BROTHERS ARE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE" ... {Not surprisingly, Blunt makes no response to Chad's demands, pushing Chris forward towards the Chaos corner. Blunt makes the tag to Zap, who jumps in with a roundhouse kick to Chris, followed by a crescent kick to knock him down.} [Escobar]: Take relief in small comforts, Chad ... "Bounce", er, Blunt Dakota now traded again for Zap London-- [Swayze]: --who, as the ultimate martial arts threat of this AND the next millenium can tell you, barely ranks one millitatum for lethality ... [Escobar]: "Millitatum"? {Zap climbs the corner, and jumps off to connect with a flying legdrop.} [Swayze]: {slowly, as if to a child} It's the MET-RIK system, Mr. Internationalist. Look it up! {Pulling Chris up as he stands, Zap whips him to the ropes, dashing to the other side; Chris surprises him with a clothesline as they intersect again.} [Marone]: Well, I think he's gone milly Chris's tater again here-- ow! {Zap legsweeps Chris before he can tag out, does a kipup, and snaps off an axe kick.} [Marone]: Man, I can't keep up with these guys, always runnin' around ... hey ... that's it! He runs away! {Picking Chris up, he whips him to the ropes, and connects with a spinning wheel kick, falling on top for a cover.} [Escobar]: Who's runn-- Spinning wheel kick! This could be it -- NO! Chris Hayes manages to get a shoulder up! That could have been it ... {Zap smashes him with a forearm, and stands up.} [Escobar]: Now ... who's running away, Mike? [Marone]: Oh -- I was still working out how Robbie avoids the crush-o-rama. {Letting Chris get up on his own, Zap stuns him with a side kick, then knocks him down with a second spinning wheel kick.} [Swayze]: Hey! You better watch it, hairball, you don't KNOW what kind of baaaad things the Touch of Death can do to a man-- hey, did someone edit the tape on me? [Escobar]: This is no tape, we're LIVE, Chad ... Zap London makes a second cover -- hooks the leg -- AND HE GOT HIM!!! That's the three count! [Marone]: COOL! Hey, Justin, what's a crush-o-rama? [Escobar]: Loosely speaking, Mike? It's where Charlie Hazard's dreams of continuing to torture AWI professionals just went! ====================================================================== WHEN WE RETURN: An AWESOME Title Defense for Joe! COMMERCIAL BREAK: Sprite -- Image Is Nothing, Thirst is Everything, Except When We Need To Use Image ... Isuzu -- if it's good enough for a wierd Australian, it's good enough for you ... Snappy Tomato Pizza has pizza as good as its name is dumb ... ====================================================================== >>LOCKER ROOM<< {Joe Walker, dressed in blue-and-white "Water Joe" sweatpants and an "AWI -- No Substitute" t-shirt, is sitting on a bench taping up his left hand. In front of the bench pacing back and forth is Steve the Insane, wearing glasses, a Firestorm t-shirt, and jeans. Steve is reading from a book the approximate size of "War and Peace".} [Steve the Insane] {reading aloud} Stand behind the victim, reach around his body with one leg so it's around his side and between his legs ... {looking up from the book} well, that seems easy enough. It's kinda strange ... I seem to have gained a reputation of being an out of control barbarian with an extremely violent temper. That hurts. I mean, I may not show it much, but I can wrestle. I'm not great at it, but I'm trying, you know? Instead, in this boxers versus wrestlers thing coming up at the Danse Macabre, they've got me wearing boxing gloves. You know how hard it is to grab a chair with boxing gloves? Joe's the one with the boxing ... me, I can wrestle, so no gloves, ok? Ok. I'm glad that's settled. Now, on the same subject -- Perfection, you two are just the latest players in the "Let's get Steve upset by talking smack about Angela" contest. {to himself} I didn't know suicidal tendencies were contagious. {aloud} Anyway, I'm not sure why this game has so many players when there are no winners. Let's see, we had the not so fondly remembered Jade Tiger and his litle birdie, we had Doug Abercrombie and friend -- what a weird kid he was -- and now we have you two. Kim, Jill, you seem like smart boys, so I hope you see what the rest of these names have in common. I'll give you a hint ... it rhymes with "Steve and Joe beat them within an inch of their lives till they ran home crying to Mommy". So, Kim, Jill ... it really is nothing personal. I'm used this sort of thing by now. I'm calm, cool, collected. I'm looking at this as a learning experience, a chance to try out some of these holds I'm trying to pick up. Aside from that ... we're gonna bash your skulls in. {Steve goes back to reading his book, still pacing. In the background, Joe finishes taping his hand; he sits up and makes a couple shadow punches as if "testing it out", before looking up at the camera.} [Joe Walker] Perfection, word on the street has it they're building a federal case on you two -- seems the FCC considers your brain-dead ranting grounds for fraud charges! Put it to a jury vote, and you got a unanimous decision: the only thing you two nuts do "perfectly" is waste time -- mine, Steve's, the front office, and those lovable maniacs behind the railings every night. Hell, you waste my time right now, making me use three syllables where one would do just fine: *trash*! So enough of my time in your pocket, Trash. In the here and now, I've got bigger worries. #1 ranked worries. Awesome worries. OK, so people tell me I should be worried, but why? My opponent for that match ought to be a real change of pace from our damn-aren't-we-glad-he's ex-champion Robbie Stevens. Yeah, tonight I won't have to worry about punching below the belt ... {Steve, flipping through the book, looks up at Joe and shakes his head correctively.} [Joe] ... thumb in the eye ... {Another shake from Steve.} [Joe] ... clinch in the corner ... {Steve looks thoughtful for a moment, consults the book, then shakes his head again.} [Joe] {chuckling} OK, so maybe not THAT big a change. But the point is, probably more of you are here to see HIM than ME. So, you might ask, why face *him*, instead of someone like Robbie or his gang -- someone who'll make me look *good* out there? Because he *asked*. Unlike Robbie, the only ducking you'll see from THIS champion {he bobs and weaves for a moment in a standard boxing defensive posture} is the old Marciano two-step. 'Cause when push comes to shove, Joe Walker doesn't have the fancy moves, the flashy clothes, the glitzy attendants, or a yearbook full of titles to his name -- what I've got this: Joe Walker is the hardest working man in this sport today. I will fight anyone, anywhere, under the toughest conditions -- sick, injured, bad weather, IRS audit, you WILL see Joe Walker in that ring when the gauntlet goes down, or putting his fists to the grindstone to get better for the ring -- 25 hours a day, 8 days a week. Kerry Masters, I can't say when we walk out of the ring tonight that I'll still be carrying this trophy ... but I can guarantee you, IF you can take it off this waist, buster, you'll have EARNED it. {Steve stops pacing (for the first time the entire interview) and looks up from his book.} [StI] Wait, all you have to do to get a title shot around here is *ASK*? ====================================================================== >>AERIAL SHOT<< {A slow pan across the booing crowd, as we approach the Sniper's Nest.} [Swayze]: Stev-O trying a real move? Can't we get a court order to stop that, before he hurts himself? [Marone]: You know, I don't know why Steve has to study so much. He's already a doctor and stuff. >>SNIPER'S NEST<< {Robbie Stevens, Tank Bradley and Toshiaki Hasegawa have apparently set up camp. Robbie, unfortunately, has a microphone.} [Swayze]: Hush, you -- genius is present ... [Robbie] Waitwaitwaitwait WAIT ... before we get this little shindig going here, I have an important announcement ... THIS IS A NON-TITLE MATCH! [Escobar]: WHAT? {The crowd boos some more -- you get used to it, with Robbie.} [Robbie] Because you see, JoJo Walker, it is not you who is the TV Champion, it is I, Robbie Stevens, who is still the champ. And therefore, since you are not the champion, you cannot defend the title ... [Escobar]: No matter WHAT Robbie says, this IS a title match, folks, and Joe Walker IS the champion -- remember we had Commissioner Chamberlin's memo last week saying as much! [Swayze]: Memo, plhegmo--the official word's comin' to ya straight and direct from the main man himself! [Robbie] Now, Hugo can say otherwise ... OK, Hugo's "Reading Is Fundamental" drop-out thug can say otherwise, but the fact of the matter remains, I am the TV Champion. And in a bit of irony, you share something with Mr. Slade, Jojo. No, not poor reading skills ... no, not bad body odor ... but a criminal past! Now, Jojo, we all know your parole officer would love nothing better than to send you back to the Colorado State Penn for being guilty of three felonies and breaking your parole ... Number One, Assault with an Illegal Wrestling Hold in the State of Tennessee. Number Two, Possession of Stolen Property. Number Three, Impersonating a Television Champion. Now Joe, we can do this one of three ways. One is you hand me back the belt, you cop a plea and you maybe you'll get 5 ... 6 years tops ... Two is, I press charges you, get 50 to life with no parole ... And three is I get in the ring with you in my next title defense and I kick you so hard, I knock your hair onto baldylock's head over there and then you get sent up the River anyway. Don't be a two-time loser, Joe ... do the right thing and hand over my belt. And as for you Kerry ... you're already guilty of impersonating a wrestler and for costing this man (points to Hasegawa) the North American championship ... [Bradley] I say we kill him now! [Hasegawa] No, we aren't gonna kill him now. What we're gonna do is have you {pointing to Tank} deliver the Nail in the Coffin about 5, 6 trillion times. Then, I'm gonna lock him in the Fashion Victim for about 3 days. After that, just when he's taking his last breath, uttering his last cute little catchphrase, looking in the mirror for the very last time ... then we're gonna revive him, so we can do it all over again! You wanna cost me /MY/ title Masters?!?! [Robbie] {stepping in front of the two to stop them} Hold up, guys ... Masters, you're gonna have to wait until Danse Macabre for your beating. Now, since I'm in a sporting mood, I declare this a number one contenders match ... whoever wins gets a shot against me and my TV title on an upcoming show. And Joe, watch yourself, because Masters isn't a bastion of fair play like yours truly ... >>PRESS TABLE<< [Escobar] I can't believe this ... is Robbie Stevens's ego really so large as to continue this championship charade indefinitely? [Marone] I think I'm remembering something else from my high school science ... like, Robbie's ego is exempted from the ban on perpetual motion machines. Or something. >>RING<< [Rod Allen] Ladies and gentlemen, your next contest is set for one fall, with a time limit of fifteen minutes ... and {he pauses, looking down the aisle where Robbie exited}, it IS for the AWI TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP ... [Swayze]: Oh, BOOM, RIGHT off with the disinformation ... this is like living in a Communist state, bay-bee, total coverup! [Allen] The challenger tonight hails from Orlando, Florida ... he weighs in at two hundred twenty-one weight pounds ... the "AWWWESOME ONE" ... KERRY MASTERS!!! {"Gett Off" by Prince begins to play on the PA, as the crowd bursts into wild cheers, and Kerry Masters struts down the aisleway.} [Allen] And, his opponent ... from the city of Denver, Colorado ... weighing in at two-hundred seventy-eight pounds ... he IS the TELEVISION CHAMPION of the AWI ... [Swayze]: Lies! Lies! Damned Lies! [Marone]: Statistics!!! {pause, then sheepishly} Uh, got caught up there, sorry, Justin ... [Allen] ... accompanied to the ring tonight by Steve the Insane, this is JOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEE WALKER!!! {The blaring trumpet fanfare of "Gonna Fly Now" by Ferrante & Teicher fills the air, as Walker jogs down to the ring, followed at a slightly slower pace by Steve (still carrying his big book); the crowd's cheers fall a little, but hardly approach silence.} [Allen] Your referee for this match is Curtis Keyes. [Escobar]: We should be set for an excellently balanced match here ... and there they lock up! {Kerry and Joe lock up in a collar elbow tieup. Joe gets the advantage, and scoops up Kerry for a bodyslam. He pulls Kerry back up, and whips him hard into the turnbuckle, then rushes in afterwords with a corner clothesline.} [Swayze]: Heyyy ... you know, this isn't so bad ... no matter what happens, some loser gets their head kicked in ... and it's not like EITHER of these punks could take Robbie's belt away! [Escobar]: Only, one of these 'punks' *did* ... and he's giving Kerry some trouble now as well ... {Backing up, Joe drives a karate kick into the midsection, then attempts a crescent kick, but Kerry ducks and nails him with a shot below the belt. Kerry then quickly grabs Joe and drops him with a diamond cutter.} [Swayze]: Man, you believe all those urban legends, don't you, Justino? [Escobar] As long as we're talking the hard to believe, where did your boss get the idea earlier that he could insinuate marital problems on the behalf of Chad Duncan? That was unconscionable! [Swayze]: Hey, the truth must be told, Justino! [Marone]: And that brings you guys in where? {Kerry rolls to a kneeling position, and slaps Joe into an armbar.} [Escobar]: This match has not really started off well for the champion -- [Swayze]: I'LL say it hasn't -- the fans were rude, he didn't get a chance to say hi to me, the monitors in back are LOUSY for watching, and I think Joey might've stepped on his foot on the way back ... [Escobar]: I'm talking about JOE, Chad. [Swayze]: Then why didn't you SAY Joe? {Joe forces his way back to his feet, and Kerry lets go of the arm, knocking Joe down with a drop kick. He picks up Joe and sets him up for an armbar DDT, but Joe punches him in the neck, then delivers a backspin fist. Kerry ducks a followup punch from Joe, and puts on a headlock; Joe quickly lifts Kerry up and bodyslams him to break the hold.} [Escobar]: Joe finally to his feet, but Kerry lowers him back to the floor with a high-elevation drop kick ... [Marone]: Actually, we're not that far from sea level. [Escobar]: I'll let that pass ... the armbar DDT averted with some martial-arts mastery, but Masters catches on and pulls Joe in -- Joe turns it around into a bodyslam! These two competitors are REALLY pumped for this match! [Swayze]: Wouldn't YOU be, knowing the winner gets to face the TV champ for the title? [Escobar]: The TV -- how long are you going to keep this charade up? [Swayze]: It's a fifteen-minute time limit, right? [Escobar]: (*sigh*) Mike -- [Marone]: Already on it, Justin -- looking for sock now. {He applies a clawhold to the shoulder, but Kerry breaks free, grabs the arm, and twists back into an armbar. Swinging his lower body over Joe's back, he adds a scissorlock to Joe's other arm.} [Escobar]: Kerry's got the Masterlock on! We could see the belt change hands right here -- don't say it Chad ... [Swayze]: WHAT? {Joe breaks out, shrugging Kerry forward off his back, then gets up and drives in a knee to the gut. This is followed by a karate punch and a forearm smash; he attempts a shoulder claw, but Kerry ducks behind him and slaps on a headlock. After a few seconds, Kerry slides away from Joe, switching from headlock to armbar; he then drops the hold, and steps in for a Russian legsweep, but Joe blocks it and steps forward before laying a backspin elbow, then a side kick, into Kerry.} [Escobar]: No, Joe's out of the hold, and he launches an attack of his own ... [Marone]: Which is a lot more effective than launching one of Kerry's attacks for him. [Swayze]: Do you guys really pay him to say stuff like that? [Escobar]: Apparently so ... Kerry eluding the claw this time, and a hold of his own, twisting around -- but Joe's out, and this is a blow Kerry can't elude! [Swayze]: Even I'll admit, Joe's starting to take his vitamins, do his exercises, and watch his Robbie Stevens tapes -- short of years in Tibet, how else do you explain prowess like that? [Marone]: My gue-- [Swayze]: EXACTLY! There's just no other explanation! {Joe whips Kerry to the ropes, and tries a clothesline, but Kerry ducks it, rebounds off the opposite side, and hits Joe with a jumping leg lariat -- but Joe stays on his feet. Masters sweeps out his legs, and slaps on the armbar/arm scissors combination.} [Escobar]: Kerry with clothesline ESP, and he follows it up with a high leg lariat, but Joe stays vertical -- but not after that textbook legsweep! [Marone]: Yeah, I was sayin', he co-- [Swayze]: NONE! None whatsoever! Yeah, Joe must really study those Robbie tapes hard, I imagine ... he must have the whole library! [Escobar]: It wouldn't appear to be helping him right now, even if it were true--Masterlock again ... {Joe breaks free, and cuffs Kerry with the side of his palm. Standing up, he scoops Masters up and slams him, then follows with an axe kick. When Masters gets back to his feet, Joe whips him into the ropes, and tries a side kick, but Kerry trumps him with a drop kick. He then tries the armbar/arm scissors combination again.} [Swayze]: Not helping? How else do you explain the Escape of Seven Smoke Trails just then? AND the Wilting Crane Snap-blow! [Marone]: I thin-- [Swayze]: That's RIGHT, you DON'T -- {*KARUMPARAMPLE*) OW! [Marone]: Umm ... loose chairleg. Gotta watch those. [Escobar]: Good enough answer for me ... Joe follows a powerful slam here with an axe kick, then into the ropes -- but Kerry able to counter again! And he goes right back to that Masterlock! [Marone]: Which has three detrimental effects on Joe's match, as I see it ... one, a lot of Joe's arsenal is those punches, and an armlock like this weakens both those pythons at once. And two, ending up in the same hold over and over again like this has got to be frustrating for Joe -- kinduva deja vu thing. It can really psyche a guy out. {Joe gets one arm free, and Masters twists around the second, standing slightly into a normal armbar. He pulls Joe back up to his feet, then whips him into the ropes; turning away, he does a backlip into a standing moonsault bodypress as Joe rebounds: 1 ... 2 ... Joe gets a shoulder up just before the third count.} [Escobar]: Joe managing to escape slightly ... and? [Marone]: And what? [Escobar]: You said -- KERRY WITH THE EPITOME PRESS! A cover -- but he only gets two! [Marone]: Uh, no I didn't. [Escobar]: No, that's -- you were saying about three things about the Masterlock? [Marone]: OH YEAH! It really hurts, too. {Kerry puts Joe in an armbar again, and twists around to face him; Joe blocks a single-arm DDT attempt, and bodyslams Kerry instead. Kerry gets up, and Joe whips him to the ropes; as Kerry rebounds back at Joe, he drops to his knees for a punch to the groin. Kerry grabs him in a front facelock as he's doubled over, but Joe punches him off, then whips him back to the ropes; Joe rushes after him and clotheslines him over the top rope.} [Swayze]: {*tromptromptromp*} Hey, there's NOTHING wrong with this chair-leg ... [Marone]: Must've been a freak occurrence. Maybe something tidal? Boston's near the ocean, you know. [Swayze]: Oh, yeah, that makes -- THAT'S STUPID! [Escobar]: And you're a stranger to that, of course ... Joe, unfortunately, is NO stranger to the below-the-belt tactics here -- but OLA! Right over the top for Kerry, and Joe looks hotter than a third-degree burn right now! {Joe rushes to the opposite side, rebounds off, and slides under the bottom rope as he approaches to tackle Kerry. Getting up, he pulls Masters into a short-arm punch; holding Kerry's arm, he delivers a second short-arm punch. He tries a third, but Kerry ducks, and sidesteps around Joe; Joe knocks him down with a savate kick, as the ring bell sounds.} [Escobar]: HEADFIRST SLIDE under the ropes nails Kerry! Joe's just going BALLISTIC outside the ring now, raining punches on him from ALL directions! [Swayze]: I ask you ... is this the kind of person you want to even PRETEND is the TV champion? When you already have skill, style, grace and class in one impeccable package? [Marone]: Jennifer Lopez is our TV champ? WOW! [Swayze]: You are SO not on our Christmas card list right now, Miko amigo. [Escobar]: Kerry gets away -- but Joe floors him with a kick ... I think he's lost track of the count, though, because Curtis Keyes is signalling for the bell! [Allen] Ladies and gentlemen, BOTH wrestlers have been DISQUALIFIED, due to a DOUBLE-COUNTOUT! ================================================================= WHEN WE RETURN: Which Lady Will Accessorize In GOLD? COMMERCIAL BREAK: Jolly Ranchers -- the flavor is intense ... if you're going to be doing random pseudo-hiphop dancing, you'll need to wear Skechers ... khakis swing ... get NOW!, for all the music you might have liked then but are tired of NOW! ... =================================================================>>PRESS TABLE<< [Escobar] Welcome back, aficianados! We're just about ready to begin tonight's MAIN EVENT, a preview of what's in store for the big Danse Macabre battle -- in tonight's case, featuring practically the entire AWI Women's Division! [Swayze] That's right, bay-bee, CHICK CITY! It's better than headin' for wings at-- [Escobar] --AND there's no doubt as to why they're all here: the AWI Women's World Championship, recently vacated by Sarah Victory, is on the line! [Swayze] Why do you keep cutting me off? You're killing the show's buzz, man! >>RINGSIDE<< [Rod Allen] Ladies and gentlemen, Allied Wrestling IIIINTERNATIONAL presents its DANSE MACABRE OVERTURE MAIN EVENT! This event has NO time limit, and is a SIXTEEN-woman tournament under DANSE MACABRE rules: each competitor begins in the first of four numbered rings, and wrestles to a pinfall or submission, the winner of a fall advancing to the next numbered ring while her opponent is eliminated! When two women remain in the fourth and final ring, the winner of that fall will become the AWI WOMEN'S CHAMPION! It's now time to introduce tonight's MAIN EVENT COMPETITORS! {The fans start cheering as the wrestlers start arriving, both kicked off with the sounds of Motley Crue's "Live Wire" ...} First ... she hails from Sunnyvale, California ... "LIVE WIRE" ... TOMMIE ... SPAAAAAAAAAAAAARKS!!! {"If" by Janet Jackson plays over the speakers, and the impressive figure of Mara Machismo makes her way to ringside ...} From the City of Brotherly Love itself, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania ... a member of the legendary Machismo family ... MAAAAAARRRRRAA MACHIIIIIIIIIIIIISMO!!! {"Rock of Ages" by Def Leppard plays again, and Janet LeVond returns to ringside to a smattering of boos, looking like she just showered but otherwise dressed the same as before ...} Hailing from Lansing, Michigan ... JAAAAAAANET LEVOOOOOOOOOOND!!! [Escobar]: LeVond may be a disadvantage heading into the Danse, as she's already wrestled one match tonight. [Swayze]: She didn't wrestle a MATCH, Justino. She just wrestled SYBIL. She'll be fine. {Aerosmith's "The Farm" garners mild cheers as Dorothy Gayle heads jauntily down to ringside.} From Wichita, Kansas, in America's Breadbasket ... "BLUE RIBBON" ... DOROTHY ... GAAAAAAAAAAAYLE!!! {"Edge of the Blade" by Mystikal shakes up the crowd, who turns ugly in a hurry ... an unconcerned Talia Yamahara struts to ringside ...} Though her form may reside in YOUR hometown, Boston MASS-achusetts ... rest assured, her spirit hails from the Rising Sun ... she is called the DRAGON ... TALIA ... YAAAAAAAAAAMAHARA!!! {The live version of REO Speedwagon's "Riding the Storm" plays, as Kelly Tucker hits the ring looking determined.} From Chicago, Illinois ... KELLY TUUUUUUUUUUCKER!!! {Hole's "Celebrity Skin" gets the crowd cheering even harder, buoyed by the appearance of Jessica Perkins earlier in the night ... she appears wearing a slightly ripped-up leotard and an otherwise no-nonsense look} She comes from Portland, Oregon ... NOT representing Team Stevens ... JESSICA ... PEEEEERRRRRRRRRRKINS!!! {"Superpredators" by Massive Attack assaults the ears, nearly outdone by boos, as Alliyah Johnston casually makes her way to ringside.} From the Big Apple itself, New York City ... the undisputed leader of Checkmate ... she is known as THE "MASTERMIND" ... ALLIYYYYAAHH ... JOOOOOOHHNSTON!! {Robert Plant's wail echoes through the arena as Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant's Song" plays, while Robbie Stevens leads a particularly pumped-up Tori Johannssen to ringside. Naturally, booing ensues.} From the icy reaches of arctic Sweden ... representing Team Stevens ... "The Swedish Hammer" ... TOOOORII JOHAAAAAAANNSSEENN!!! {"Surf Rider" by the Lively Ones brings the musical mood to a calmer level, but the fans don't follow, as the vivacious Melissa Wright, in a green and silver swimsuit, blithely heads to the ring.} From Manhattan, New York ... the BIIIIIIILLION-DOOOOLLLAR BAAABE ... MELIIIIIIIIISSSA WRIIIIIIIIGHT!!! {The AWI's house band strikes up an instrumental version of "Deep in the Heart of Texas", as the diminutive spitfire Colt Kawaii bounds down the ring, zig-zagging from side to side to interact with the fans, who respond with hearty cheers.} From Osaka, Japan, by way of the Lone Star State ... COOOOOOOOOOOOLT KAWAAAAAAAAAIIII!!! {"You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morrissette shreds the speakers, heralding the appearance of Dacia Blackthorne, still sporting her "Braveheart"-esque warpaint look ... the fans' reaction is as mixed as it is enthusiastic, a solid but small core of cheers amidst a liberal showering of boos ...} From the shores of Loch Ness ... she is the RINGMASTER ... DACIA BLAAAAACKTHORNE!!! {Republica's "Ready to Go" gets the crowd cheering wildly again, as Brenda Storm, She also hails from Portland, Oregon, and owns one-half of the Women's World Tag Team championship held in suspension ... BRRRRREEEENDA STOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRMMM!!! {"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor plays over the speakers, overlaid with tiger's roars in the pauses ... and the crowd's cheers turn quickly to resounding boos, as Tiger Z strides arrogantly to the ring in a tigerskin patterned full leotard and custom rhinestone studded black leather jacket.} Hailing from Tokyo, Japan ... she is a FORMER AWI Women's Champion of the World .. the Black Queen of Checkmate ... TIIIIGER Z!!! {"Heaven or Hell" by Rich Voisine plays to an intense crowd pop, as the flaming-singlet clad Angela Dante makes her way to the ring ...} From Angel's Camp, California ... the other half of the Women's World Tag Team champions reigning "in exile" ... AAAAANGELA DAAAAANTE!!! {The Lady of Rage's "Big Bad Lady" takes the last turn on the PA, a pause settling on the crowd as cheers, mixed with a few boos, turns into impatience as no-one emerges ...} Last, but certainly not least, from the city of New Orleans, Louisiana ... MAAAAAAAAADELINE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEECHILD!!! {Freechild finally flies out from the entry running at full speed, a steel chair in hand ... before anyone can get a real fix on the situation, she reaches Dacia Blackthorne, flooring her with the chair, and nailing her again immediately.} [Escobar]: Freechild finally here, and she's in a hurry to -- OLA! Madeline skips the ring line-up, to just totally PLASTER Dacia with a steel chair! She looks FURIOUS! [Swayze]: Oh, MAN, she's not even TRYIN' to be subtle! She's just finishin' what she started! [Escobar]: I think recent events have given Madeline ample enough justification for her anger, if not her tactics ... [Swayze]: You and I both know, the only recent event THIS has to do with is that Madeline found out she likes how she looks in red! [Marone]: I dunno, Madeline pretty much looks good whatever she's wearin' ... >>RING ONE<< {Kelly Tucker and Dorothy Gayle lock up into a collar-elbow tieup. Tori Johannsen charges Jessica Perkins, levelling her with a float kick. Melissa Wright squares off with Angela Dante, and scoops her up for a bodyslam. Janet LeVond blindsides Mara Machismo with a clothesline; Sparks backpeddles from the main conflicts, looking over the ring. Talia Yamahara throws karate kicks into Colt Kawaii *and* Brenda Storm; Tiger Z rolls up Alliyah Johnston with a rather soft-looking pin predicament.} [Escobar]: The bell has rung ... and IN the ring, at least, things are rapidly breaking up into oppositional pairs -- wait a minute -- Tiger Z rolls up ALLIYAH JOHNSTON? Brandie Mulroney's counting -- 1 ... 2 ... 3?!? Tiger Z has ambushed her own manager, apparently, to advance to the second ring! [Swayze]: Hey, it IS every woman for herself! [Escobar]: Wait a minute ... Johnston not looking the LEAST bit disturbed ... oh, for -- it's a SETUP! I don't believe this -- she actually entered this match just to give Tiger Z a TOTALLY unwarranted advantage! [Swayze]: And THAT's why she's the Mastermind, and you're just sitting here in awe! [Marone]: Billion-Dollar Babe's going after Steve's girl -- not the smartest move, but I s'pose she can afford it ... [Escobar]: I still can't -- in any case, we can also see some of the newcomers and less frequent competitors feeling each other out, as Janet LeVond catches Mara Machismo by surprise, Tucker & Gayle lock up, and Tommie Sparks does a little recon ... and Talia Yamahara's choice of opponents is predictable, though she may be biting off more than she can chew! [Swayze]: More than she can chew, maybe, but not more than she can kung fu! [Marone]: I, uh, thought that was karate. [Swayze]: Trust me -- I'm well-trained as an observer of -- [Escobar]: Don't even 'think' about saying 'ninja' again ... >>RINGSIDE<< {Freechild throws Dacia into the railing. She then picks up a steel chair and rushes into Blackthorne, sandwiching her between chair and railing.} [Swayze]: You know, our journalistic relationship is NOT going to fare very well if you INSIST on cutting into my first amendment rights! [Escobar]: Chad, we don't HAVE a-- forget it. Aficianados, Freechild is TOTALLY out of control on the outside! I sincerely hope that Mulroney can get out there and stop this! [Marone]: Uh, she's got 13 other women to watch -- she's a little busy right now ... [Swayze]: Sure, Justin, what happened to "her anger is justified", huh? Face it -- EVERYBODY here understands JUST what this means, except YOU! [Marone]: It means Dacia's getting beat up. [Swayze]: I stand corrected. >>RING ONE<< {Tori throws Perkins over the top rope.} [Chad]: That's it! Tori versus Tiger, man! [Escobar]: Uh, Chad ... that doesn't-- [Chad]: Clean elimination, bay-bee! Jessica is O-U-T! [Escobar]: Chad, this isn't a battle royale -- over-the-top is NOT an elimination! {Angela hiptosses Wright; Kawaii and Talia start exchanging kicks, as Storm backs away. Kelly Tucker breaks the tieup with an armdrag takedown.} [Escobar]: Dante starting to get the best of Wright at last, as Colt manages to put up a valiant fight against Talia Yamahara ... [Marone]: That's it, kid, you can beat the Dragon! And then you can take the Dragonball from her, and evolve your pokemon to the next Final Fantasy level with it, and ... uh, wait, that sounds wrong somehow ... [Swayze]: *That's* an understatement. How about cutting into HIS rights sometime, Escobo? {LeVond puts a headlock on Mara, then attempts a bulldog, but Mara picks her up with an atomic drop. Brenda Storm joins Angela, the two hitting Wright with a legsweep/dropkick combination.} [Escobar]: Drop me a memo, Chad ... LeVond with a bit of a surprising offense against Mara -- but she goes too far, and Machismo makes her pay! And even in the every woman for herself environment of this event, Firestorm shows what makes them a TEAM to be reckoned with! [Swayze]: Oh, right, just try to spin *everything* for the stockholder favorites -- that's a pure and simple DOGPILE, Justino, and there AIN'T no pretty word for it! [Marone]: Sure there is: teamwork. He kinda used it alread-- [Swayze]: Did I ASK YOU??? >>RINGSIDE<< {Perkins pulls Tori into a headlock. Blackthorne grabs Freechild by the hair, and pulls her over the railing, then starts stumbling back towards the ring. Perkins cinches Tori into an abdominal stretch.} [Escobar]: Speaking of teamwork -- or the lack thereof -- the former partners in Robbie's Angels are now doing their best to COMPLETELY dismantle each other ... [Swayze]: {snort} You sadist -- you don't understand, do you? The only reason Perkins is still alive is because Tori's poor Swedish mind can't comprehend what's happened to her ... see, she still thinks Perkins IS her partner, she doesn't KNOW what BACKSTABBING, CRAZY witch she really IS! {overdramatic} Please, Justino ... as a professional ... as a human being ... show some dignity for the pain that Tori is going through. [Marone]: Yeah. Ab stretches hurt. [Escobar]: Meanwhile, it looks like Dacia has FINALLY managed to find a way to escape the Fury of Freechild! [Swayze]: Probably kicked him in the -- [Escobar]: CHAD! [Swayze]: WHAT?! Man, you are SERIOUSLY crimpin' my STYLE tonight! Does the AWI know about the way you keep cuttin' in like that? [Escobar]: Believe me, they do -- and the extra funds are much appreciated. >>RING ONE<< {Brenda and Angela double-kick Melissa Wright; Yamahara scoops up Colt Kawaii and slams her. Mara lets Janet get back up, only to knock her down with a stiff palm shot to the face. Kelly Tucker locks an armbar on Gayle. Angela whips Melissa into the ropes, then backdrops her over the top rope.} [Escobar]: FireStorm continuing their team tactics against Melissa Wright ... and Mara now in control against Janet LeVond ... Gayle seems _completely_ lost against Tucker's technical arsenal right now, which is rather surprising ... and Dante sends Wright down to the floor outside! [Marone]: You know, for this not bein' a battle royale, a lot of people are goin' over the top -- it's kind of scary the way these women are using the concrete. {Brenda Storm wanders away from Angela towards Talia, who whips Colt into a corner, only to get drop-kicked by Brenda; Tommy Sparks delivers another dropkick to Dacia Blackthorne. Tommy gets back up and hits a hurricarana on Janet LeVond, then covers her: 1, and a kickout. Brenda and Colt double-kick Talia; Kelly drops the armbar on Gayle, and switches to a reverse toehold. Angela dives over the rope at Melissa, who catches her in the air with a drop kick.} [Escobar]: Storm freed up by her partner, and seeks out a new foe -- which I'm sure Colt is VERY appreciative of ... Blackthorne makes it into the ring, but Tommie Sparks welcomes her with a drop-kick! [Marone]: Not much of a welcome. Remind me not to invite her to any housewarmings. [Escobar]: LeVond tries to get the drop on Sparks -- RANA from the newcomer puts a stop to THAT plan! Mulroney with the count -- but LeVond out at 1 ... Angela DANTE OVER THE TOP ROPE -- NO NO NO! Wright pulls her RIGHT out of the sky with a drop kick! A big gamble loses big! [Swayze]: Never bet against a babe with a billion dollars on her side, inferno-chickie! {Freechild hops onto the apron, and grabs Dacia as she's standing, pulling her over the ropes; Mara Machismo dropkicks Dacia to send her flying out of the ring.} [Marone]: Inferno-chickie? [Escobar]: Freechild ready to rejoin the match now, but going RIGHT back after Blackthorne! [Marone]: Here we go again-- hey! [Escobar]: This is something of a surprise -- Mara Machismo actually HELPS Madeline Freechild continue her single-minded assault on Dacia Blackthorne ... [Swayze]: Can you blame her? Come on, with a name like "Machismo"? I think someone's been sharing a certain German clinic ... [Escobar]: We are NOT starting that again. [Swayze]: Give me one good reason NOT to! >>PRESS TABLE<< {Marone holds up an issue of "eWI" magazine in front of Chad, flipping through some pages as Chad turns funny colors.} [Marone] Here's one -- meet the family. [Swayze] Oh. I, uh, see your point. >>RINGSIDE<< {Tori breaks free of the hold, and stomps away, only to be knocked down by a dashing back elbow strike from Jessica. Jess pulls Tori back up, only to be distracted by Robbie; Tori floors her with a clothesline.} [Swayze]: Now, look at that! What a gentleman, stepping in to save an innocent women ... [Escobar]: Gentleman, like-- Robbie shouldn't even be out here! This is a *women's* event, he has no right to get involved! [Swayze]: Excuse me? This IS an AWI arena, yes? We ARE on television, correcto? So the *AWI* *Television* champio-- [Escobar]: FORMER Television champion, and it doesn't work that way anyhow! {Robbie is knocked down a moment later, when Mara Machismo flips herself out of the ring to connect with a kick. Melissa Wright pulls up Angela and bodyslams her to the concrete. } [Swayze]: I beg to-- HEY!!! What's Mara think she's doing? Sh-she has no right to involve the main man Robbie in this match -- it's CHICKS ONLY!!! [Marone]: You ever get the feeling we're just not speaking the same language as him, Justin? [Swayze]: I KNOW you aren't, caveMike ... I'd need about a gazillion more bumps to the head first, about like the 'Babe's givin' Dante right now! [Escobar]: Careful how you phrase that, Chad -- [Swayze]: Huh? (*gulp*) Uh, yeah, like man, it wasn't really a suggestion, honest! Don't look at me like that! [Marone]: What? What'd I do? >>RING ONE<< {Colt jumps onto the top rope and springs off with a moonsault to knock down Yamahara. LeVond scratches at Tommy Sparks's eyes. Brenda rushes the ropes, and slide-kicks under it to hit Melissa.} [Escobar]: With the ring cleared out some, Colt does what she does best, taking to the air and bringing down Yamahara! [Marone]: Honest, Justin, I dunno what he's talking about ... [Escobar]: Don't trouble yourself over it, Mike -- now that's uncalled for from Janet LeVond! [Swayze]: She's LOSING, Justin -- trust me, it's called for! [Escobar]: Just because -- hold on! Brenda Storm open, and she makes the most of it with a BIG rescue for her partner! >>RINGSIDE<< {Madeline throws Blackthorne into the railing again, then grabs a chair and begins beating her with it.} [Marone]: Blackthorne probably wishes she still HAD a partner to rescue her from this -- OUCH! Dude, it's gettin' WORSE! [Swayze]: Can't we get the boys in white to take Maddie away yet? [Escobar]: Again, Brandie Mulroney might decide to give Madeline a warning, but she obviously feels there are more important things going on right now. {Tori attempts to whip Jessica into the railing, but she reverses it. Brenda legsweeps Melissa.} [Swayze]: Well, at least Dacia ain't the only chick about to eat railing -- HEY!! [Marone]: Well, they say turnabout's fair play! [Swayze]: NOBODY SAID SHE COULD PLAY FAIR AGAINST TEAM STEVENS! >>RING ONE<< {Gayle breaks the lock; she and Kelly get back to their feet, and Dorothy whips her into the ropes. LeVond puts a bear hug on Tommy Sparks, while Colt and Yamahara lock up in a grapple. Gayle hops over the rebounding Kelly for a sunset flip: 1 ... 2 ... Kelly rolls forward, reversing the pin: 1 ... Gayle flips out.} [Escobar]: Dorothy Gayle finally begins to mount an offense against Kelly Tucker, who has left her a captive opponent almost this entire match ... [Marone]: It just goes to show, experience counts. 'Course, bruises and broken bones count negative, but Kelly doesn't have as many of those as most people with her experience. [Escobar]: Tucker tossed into the ropes -- a sunset flip, and we could have another -- wait, reversed -- and Gayle out! Kelly Tucker, though, yet again proves resourceful! >>RINGSIDE<< {As Mara gets back into the ring, Brandie Mulroney makes her way outside; she gets in Robbie's face, obviously directing him away from the action. Brenda and Angela head for Dacia and Madeline, and fire off a double dropkick-- but Dacia slips away and Freechild eats the kick. Tori shakes off the hit to the railing, and rushes back at Jess to surprise her with a float kick.} [Escobar]: I see Mara returning to the ring now, while Brandie takes care of one of the more annoying pieces of ringside action -- [Swayze]: Hey, watch how you talk about the main man there! [Escobar]: --and while she handles that, FireStorm heads over to give Madeline a hand -- oh NO! [Swayze]: Gee, that looks more like a foot -- a couple feet actually ... not that Maddie didn't have it COMING, of course. [Escobar]: Don't even TRY to insinuate that was anything other than an accident! [Marone]: They certainly don't seem happy about it if it wasn't an accident. [Swayze]: Sure, cover for them -- wait -- Waiiit for it--BOOM!!! Hahaha -- man, just put that on loop for the rest of the time limit! [Escobar]: I'm not sure which is more surprising, the resilience Tori just showed come off the railing like that, or the force she put behind the float kick! >>RING ONE<< {Colt Kawaii rolls Talia into a small package: 1 ... Talia kicks free. Tucker manages to grab Gayle in a toehold before she can stand. Mara kicks LeVond to free Tommie Sparks from the bear hug.} [Escobar]: While Jessica pulls herself together -- Kawaii with a small package on Talia -- [Marone]: YES! ONE! TW- [Escobar]: But just the one count! [Marone]: Damn ... keep tryin', Colt! [Escobar]: Machismo, meanwhile, getting Tommie Sparks out of a sticky situation. [Swayze]: Why can't she mind her own business? [Marone]: Well, since there can only be one winner, it kinda IS her business, isn't it? [Escobar]: Fans, we need to take a break! We'll be right back! ====================================================================== COMMERCIALS: Wendy's -- it's Cheeseburger Paradise ... Kevin Nash has Monster Truck Madness (and we have issues with our advertisers) ... coming this winter: SLEEPY HOLLOW ... ======================================================================>>RINGSIDE<< {Madeline gets up, and grabs for Dacia, but Dacia throws her down with an arm drag. Tori slaps a hammerlock onto Jessica, and drags her to the railing, then begins slamming her into it repeatedly using the hold for leverage. Angela and Brenda return to Melissa Wright, cutting her down with a legsweep/kneelift combination before she can regain her bearings. Dacia picks up Freechild, and delivers a kneebreaker.} [Escobar]: Dacia Blackthorne seems to be finally giving back some of the beating Madeline has been dishing out tonight! [Marone]: Hey, that's cool -- because, hey, I know Madeline's mad and all, but, take it somewhere professional-like, somewhere MEANT to settle this kind of stuff ... [Escobar]: You mean, like, legal arbitration? [Marone]: I was thinking of a bar, but that'd work. [Escobar]: Mike, I really don't think our social circles converge much ... speaking of 'converge', Angela and Brenda do just that on Melissa Wright, Brenda going low and Angela high to cut the Billion-Dollar Babe down to size. [Marone]: Yeah, now she's only a few hundred thousand dollars. >>RING ONE<< {Mara whips LeVond into the ropes, blocking her on the rebound with a back kick, stunning her for Tommy Sparks to cut her down with a front Russian legsweep. Gayle pushes out of the hold and staggers to her feet, but Kelly Tucker just sends her down with a bodyslam; she then slaps on an Indian deathlock.} [Escobar]: Machismo and Sparks now teaming up to deliver some due punishment to Ms. LeVond ... Gayle up -- but Tucker still has her number, and locks her up on the mat again! [Swayze]: You know, watching this match tonight, I think I've learned something very deep: Kelly Tucker REALLY didn't like _The Wizard of Oz_. [Marone]: That's deep? [Swayze]: Well, that's as deep as either Tucker or Gayle get, mind you. I can only do so much with what I *got*. >>RINGSIDE<< {Dante climbs onto the apron and jumps off for a suicide elbowsmash into Tori, while Melissa Wright brings down Brenda with a drop toehold. Blackthorne drops a knee into Freechild's back, then drags her to her feet to drive a second shot into her stomach.} [Escobar]: Dante's headed to the top of the turnbuckle now -- CASTIGO! Suicida elbow drive right into Tori Johanssen! [Swayze]: Sure, just stab Tori right in the back! Is it any wonder this woman is leading on the big blond doofus right now? And look what happened to her 'partner'! [Escobar]: Storm indeed momentarily caught off-guard by a drop toehold from the Billion-Dollar Babe -- [Swayze]: So not ONLY does she play dirty against my Team's favorite vikingette, she lets down her own partner to do it! Let this be a lesson to you, Brenda bay-bee -- YOU CAN'T TRUST ANGELA DANTE! >>RING ONE<< {Janet LeVond stands back up, only to get knocked down again by a Tommy Sparks dropkick. Colt stuns Talia with a chop, then bounces off the ropes, leaping on the rebound into a bodypress that carries her and Talia into the next ring, colliding with Tiger Z. Mara hops onto the apron, then jumps off to hit Melissa Wright outside.} [Escobar]: OLA! Colt Kawaii shows a trick still left in her sleeve for both members of Checkmate -- what a package of dynamite! [Swayze]: Now *there's* a warm fuzzy -- Colt Kawaii and a package of dynamite ... [Marone]: {flatly} What? >>RINGSIDE<< {Dante and Tori stand up, and Angela dropkicks Tori back down; Brenda hits Wright with a palm thrust, then legsweeps her.} [Swayze]: ... to, uh, give to one of the members of Checkmate! Yeah, that's it ... [Escobar]: Both Dante AND Storm seem to be in control of their respective battles now -- it seems Dante wasn't wrong to leave Brenda to her own devices after all ... [Swayze]: Hindsight's 20/20, Justin -- far as I'M concerned, the damage is already done! >>RING ONE<< {Sparks attempts a legscissors rollup to pin LeVond: 1 ... Janet kicks out.} [Escobar]: And we could have -- no, LeVond quickly out. >>RING TWO<< {Colt and Talia get up, and Colt monkey-flips Talia back over the ropes. As the two return to their feet, Tiger Z nails Colt with a savate kick from behind; Talia catches her staggering forward, and scoops her up into a Death Valley driver.} [Escobar]: Colt continues to show up Checkmate -- no! Tiger Z and Talia make her pay for their embarassment! [Marone]: Aw, NO, man! >>RINGSIDE<< {Blackthorne powerbombs Freechild, then gets knocked down by an enziguri from Mara. Dante pulls Tori up and hip-tosses her back into the ring. Following after, Angela tries an armdrag, but Tori bodyslams her back out of the ring; almost an instant later, Perkins appears with a chair, clipping Tori in the head from the apron. Dacia and Mara get back to their feet, and Dacia hits Machismo with a back thrust kick. Wright pulls down Brenda Storm with a single-leg takedown.} [Escobar]: Meanwhile, Blackthorne in complete control on the outside -- but Mara with a timely save! Dante with Johannssen in the ring now -- JESSICA PERKINS with a SERIOUS blow there! [Swayze]: I can't believe Brandie'd just let her get away with that! [Marone]: Brandie's tired, dude. >>RING ONE<< {Tommie Sparks dropkicks Janet LeVond. Talia whips Colt into the ropes, where Tiger Z catches her and diamond-cutters her onto the top rope; Colt snaps away from the ropes, back into Talia's hands to get a reverse DDT.} [Marone]: This is NOT FAIR, man! Colt didn't *bring* her stablemates into this! [Escobar]: Uh, Colt doesn't *have* any "stablemates" as of yet, Mike ... much to her disadvantage, I'm afraid to say ... [Swayze]: Hey, Sailor Moon down there brought it on herself -- SHE brought Tiger Z back into this! You've got nothing to complain about! [Escobar]: Technically true, though that *hardly* excuses the kind of tactics Checkmate has been using here! {Jessica Perkins hops onto the top rope and springs off to hit Tori with a dropkick. Kelly Tucker throws Dorothy Gayle into the corner with an irish whip. Sparks picks up Janet and whips her to the ropes, but Janet leapfrogs on the rebound; she then ducks a clothesline on the second pass. Yamahara locks a boston crab on Colt. Kelly steps onto the second rope to start a series of piston punches, but Dorothy twists around and falls back to drop Kelly into a shoulder slam.} [Escobar]: Perkins to the top, and an unexpected but impressive display of agility! And Gayle reeling from Tucker's onslaught-- desperation move to take down the veteran! >>RINGSIDE<< {Brenda Storm locks a crucifix armbar on Melissa Wright. Dacia charges at Mara, who turns around to face her, then throws her into a back body drop.} [Escobar]: Dacia running in -- Mara catches her in time, and a HIGH elevation back drop! >>RING ONE<< {Kelly Tucker kicks away Dorothy from the mat; Sparks finally connects with a dropkick on Janet. Jessica Perkins rushes Tori to hit with a kick, then turns to face Angela Dante, sliding back into the ring. The two stare each other down for a moment.} [Escobar]: Tucker regaining the offensive from Gayle -- Perkins with a solid running kick on Tori ... and now she's face-to-face with Angela Dante! [Swayze]: And now she'll pay for dissin' the main man! Robbie would've protected her from Angela Backstab, but now she's got nobody to watch her back! >>RINGSIDE<< {Freechild gets up and grabs a chair, as Dacia legsweeps Mara. Melissa Wright twists free of the armbar, earning a chop from Brenda Storm. Freechild blasts Dacia with the chair.} [Marone]: YEESH ... with the damage it's doing, you'd think the chair was a competitor ... >>RING ONE<< {Tori gets back up, and both Jessica and Angela turn to confront her, hitting her with a double-forearm shot. Colt presses out of the Boston crab, and Talia reaches down to pull her up by the hair; Talia whips Colt to the interior ropes, and her and Z sandwich the smaller girl between kneelifts. Tommy Sparks scores a jumping splash on LeVond; Kelly Tucker whips Dorothy Gayle to the ropes, but Dorothy leapfrogs her on the rebound.} [Escobar]: The standoff between Dante and Perkins ends as Tori interjects, as they team to put er back down ... Colt out again -- but Talia with a handful of hair, and -- and a BRUTAL team attack with Tiger Z to keep her young foe down! [Marone]: Now this is getting RIDICULOUS! {Jessica climbs the turnbuckle, but Tori shoves Angela into the corner, knocking Jess off. Back on her feet, Janet LeVond falls victim to jumping headscissors from Sparks; Tucker catches Gayle on the second pass with a legwheel throw. Talia puts Colt in a spinning wristlock, then knocks her down with a leaping hook kick; she rolls Colt over and covers her.} [Escobar]: Perkins goes to the top again -- Tori with a shove -- and Perkins goes tumbling down! [Swayze]: SEE? I TOLD you Jessica couldn't trust Devious Dante! [Escobar]: Devi--she was tossed in by YOUR team's wrestler! [Swayze]: Oh, please -- she only made it LOOK like that so poor Tori would have to take the blame, and Jess'll NEVER come to her senses now about coming back to Team Stevens! Oh, that Angie's a clever one, but I'm on to ya, bay-bee! [Escobar]: That's just ... Colt in serious trouble -- and Talia nails the Dragon's Bite! [Marone]: No, no, no! Come on, get up, getup!!! [Escobar]: I'm afraid Colt's not going to be that lucky this time, Mike -- Brandy counts three, and Talia will be joining her teammate in the second ring! [Marone]: Sonuva ... >>RINGSIDE<< {Dacia manages to pull Mara between her and Madeline, and Machismo takes the blow instead. Brenda Storm locks a trapezius hold on Melissa. Dacia gets back to her feet, and dropkicks Freechild before she can recover from the mistake. Tori rolls out of the ring, and grabs a chair.} [Swayze]: Buck up, Mike -- there are still like a dozen chicks out there -- you can still find another one to be totally and brainlessly rooting for ... [Marone]: I could make YOU brainless. [Escobar]: Gents, we still have a match to call ... and Mara with a MOST unfortunate position on the outside, as Dacia pulls her into the path of a charging Madeline Freechild-- [Swayze]: Who doesn't even care whose blood she's tastin', as long as someone's hurting! [Escobar]: Blackthorne continuing to take advantage of the miscue, flooring Madeline with a dropkick ... Tori on the outside, and she takes possession of a chair. [Marone]: You just know that's not because she wants to sit down, too. >>RING ONE<< {Tucker locks a reverse toehold onto Gayle. Tommie Sparks throws LeVond into the ropes, and connects with a back elbow shot on the rebound.} [Escobar]: Sparks with an irish whip -- beautiful back elbow! [Marone]: There is one bright side to Colt bein' out, I guess ... at least this way those Checkmate chicks have to beat each OTHER up for a change. >>RING TWO<< {Talia and Tiger Z make an exaggerated show of stretching exercises.} [Swayze]: Not necessarily, Miko amigo... [Escobar]: Now ... now this is just mocking the whole event ... [Swayze]: What? You don't call this sports entertainment? *I'm* being entertained ... >>RINGSIDE<< {Tori heads for Jessica, who defends herself with a back kick. Wright breaks free, and Brenda legsweeps her. Dacia slides the chair Freechild was using under Madeline's knee, and starts stomping the leg viciously; Mara pulls her away, and delivers a short-arm clothesline.} [Escobar]: Perkins avoids an ugly encounter with the steel chair with some deft kicking action ... but Madeline cannot similarly avoid the chair Dacia's appropriated from her, and now her leg is taking some serious punishment -- but Mara Machismo again with a POWERFUL save! [Swayze]: There she goes again! How come she has to keep sticking her nose in every time things get interesting? >>RING ONE<< {Sparks spikes LeVond hard with a DDT, then rolls on top for the cover.} [Escobar]: Sparks hits the Bolt From The Blue! Brandie makes the count ... there's another three! And newcomer Tommy Sparks is heading into the next ring, where Checkmate awaits! >>RINGSIDE<< {Jessica slams Tori onto the ringside steps. Storm sets her hands to give Angela a jumping boost, so she can hit a senton onto Melissa Wright. Mara tries to set up a heart kick on Dacia, but gets interrupted with a kneelift.} [Escobar]: Perkins delivering SERIOUS punishment to her ex-teammate ... FireStorm with another superior tag-team maneuver against the Billion-Dollar Babe ... and Dacia scores against Mara to drive her back. >>RING TWO<< {Brandy Mulroney is now in the second ring, having words with Talia Yamahara and Tiger Z. Sparks surprises them both by hopping off the center turnbuckle for a double flying clothesline.} [Escobar]: OLA! Sparks shows off some aerial dazzle, AND teaches Checkmate a thing or two about real competition! [Swayze]: What, by acing them from behind while "Blind" Brandy Mulroney earns her monthly kickback check? >>RINGSIDE<< {Jessica shoves Tori inside the ring, then climbs up the turnbuckle; she attempts a moonsault double-stomp, but Tori gets a foot up to intercede.} [Swayze]: I mean, look at that! THAT'S what Brandy ought to be getting in the face of -- Jessica Bates there! [Escobar]: I fail to see what *anything* Jessica Perkins has accomplished so far really requires referee intervention ... [Swayze]: See, Justino, that's just what I *mean*! Brandy's supposed to be a liberated woman of the 90s, right? Creative, intelligent, et ce-te-ra? Well, fine, MAKE SOMETHING UP!!! But just get that loon outta Tori's face so she can punk Firestorm or something! >>RING ONE<< {Brenda and Angela pull Melissa Wright back to the ring. Kelly Tucker shifts to an Indian deathlock. Dacia Blackthorne slides back into the ring. Angela forearms Melissa, stunning her long enough for Brenda to connect with a springboard enziguiri kick. Brenda makes a cover: 1 ... 2 ... Melissa pulls Brenda off by the hair.} [Escobar]: Speaking of which ... it seems like Firestorm is now pitching in together to put Melissa Wright out of the running ... [Swayze]: Yeah, what a *totally* unfair and unrighteous act of collusion! This is JUST why we need Tori free to dispense some Team Stevens sentencing ... how do you expect any competitor to get their fair shake in when these two mob darlings are puttin' the hit out on everyone? >>RING TWO<< {Tommy Sparks dropkicks Talia Yamahara, but Tiger Z grabs her by the hair, dragging her to her feet. She shakes Tommy by the hair a bit as Talia gets up, then kneelifts her in the back while Talia throws a karate kick into her stomach.} [Escobar]: That's ridiculous! They're certainly resorting to no more -- quite a bit LESS, in fact -- "collusion" tactics compared to Checkmate ... and speaking of the devil, Tommy Sparks is now suffering from that exact combination! >>RING ONE<< {Tori scoops Jessica up for a shoulderbreaker. Brenda rolls up Melissa for a pin, but Melissa reverses the rollup (and adds a grip on Brenda's tights); Angela kicks Melissa's hand free, and Brenda re-reverses: 1 ... 2 ... Melissa rolls free. Dacia cuts between Gayle and Kelly with stomps to both.} [Escobar]: Storm with a pinning predicament on Wright -- Wright reverses it -- and a handful of Storm's outfit, Mulroney doesn't see it -- but Dante DOES, and intervenes-- a SECOND reversal -- 1, 2, THRE--NO! Wright BARELY out! [Marone]: And I'm dizzy! [Escobar]: Blackthorne now interjecting herself between Dorothy Gayle and Kelly Tucker the hard way! [Swayze]: Actually, stomping's a pretty easy way to interrupt somebody ... much better than a witty pickup line, for example. >>RINGSIDE<< {Madeline has a chair, making false starts for the ring, but Mara is in her way, verbally objecting.} [Escobar]: Oh, good -- it would seem that Mara Machismo is going to try to inject some reason past Madeline's rage ... [Swayze]: Yeah, and in all likelihood, SKWANG! chair right upside the head! The Lady in Red holds back for no woman! >>RING ONE<< {Tori wraps Jessica in a hammerlock, then lifts her up by the arm to slam her back to the mat; Angela Dante then dropkicks Tori.} [Swayze]: No, no, man, this is ALL wrong -- now Firestorm is helping Jessica keep Tori distracted! Where's the ref when you need her! [Escobar]: Probably doing something more important than kowtowing to Team Stevens's every whim! [Swayze]: A ref kowtowing ... say, that's pretty good! Robbie'll have to hear about that idea! {Brenda locks Melissa into a rolling leg sleephold. Dacia grabs Kelly Tucker, whips her to the ropes, and backdrops her on the rebound to send her out of the ring; Madeline finally makes her way *into* the ring, and levels Dacia with a jumping clothesline.} [Escobar]: It wasn't an--forget it ... Blackthorne sends Tucker flying the VERY unfriendly skies -- BUT HERE'S MADELINE again, and she nearly DECAPITATES Dacia! >>RING TWO<< {Tiger Z scoops up and slams Sparks, and Talia follows up with a leg drop. Talia then rolls outside, as Z pulls Sparks back to her feet and whips her to the ropes, cutting her down with a dropkick on the rebound.} [Escobar]: Tiger Z and Talia Yamahara teaming effectively and painfully on Tommie Sparks, giving this impressive newcomer a most unfriendly reception. [Marone]: This is starting to get really ugly ... if we can't get some more women outta that first ring, it's just gonna be a sausage factory in ring number two ... >>RING ONE<< {Angela whips Tori into the corner, as Jessica Perkins climbs an adjacent corner. Angela drags Tori out of the corner, whipping her into the ropes, but Tori recovers quickly enough to surprise Angela with a float kick. Melissa Wright twists free of the sleephold, and Storm catches her with a palm thrust. Jessica jumps off the top to dropkick Tori.} [Swayze]: Oh, man, look at that ... it's just too brutal! Enemies everywhere, when it's not this side, it's that, she just can't keep track of it all! Poor Tori, trapped in a world she never made! [Marone]: Uh, that's Howard the Duck. >>RINGSIDE<< {Madeline drags Dacia back out under the ropes, before throwing her into the railing. She grabs Dacia by the arm and pulls her in for a shortarm elbowsmash, then quickly picks her up and powerbombs her onto the concrete. Meanwhile, Kelly Tucker manages her way back inside.} [Escobar]: Madeline Freechild seems to have been COMPLETELY reignited ... she is totally unbound on Dacia Blackthorne -- I'm not so sure she has ANY intent of winning this match ... I can't even say she considers herself IN this match at this point! [Swayze]: Hey, as far as I'm concerned, anyone putting more bruises on the Loch Ness Monster there IS the match! Well, actually, anything with Tori in it IS the match, but stepping on Dacia's face comes a *reeeaaal* close second. >>RING TWO<< {Tiger Z snaps Sparks into a belly-to-belly suplex. She lets Tommy return to her feet, then whips her into the ropes; Tommy hits her on the rebound with a jumping side kick. Talia slides back into the ring as Tommy returns to the ropes, and blocks Sparks's attack with a back spin fist.} [Marone]: So if Tori steps on Dacia's face, everyone else can go home? [Swayze]: Works for me! [Escobar]: {sigh} Fans, we have to take another break -- stay with us! ====================================================================== COMMERCIALS: This far into the card, you're getting snacks, aren't you? ====================================================================== >>RING ONE<< {Brenda Storm whips Melissa Wright at Mara Machismo, who blocks her motion with a karate kick, then delivers an atomic drop; Storm heads to check on Dante's condition. Jessica Perkins lifts Tori into a double-underhook DDT. Kelly Tucker catches a resting Dorothy Gayle with a drop toehold.} [Escobar]: Storm and Machismo with an impromptu double-team delivering impressive results! >>RINGSIDE<< {Madeline pulls up Dacia and delivers a second powerbomb.} [Escobar]: ANOTHER powerbomb to the floor! Blackthorne seems nearly OUT of it right now! [Swayze]: NEARLY? Just when do you stick the fork in her, Justino, when that cemetary man from the promos shows up with a shovel??? >>RING ONE<< {As Tucker wraps Gayle into an Indian deathlock, Jessica, Brenda, *and* Angela all climb turnbuckles. Jessica is the first one off, scoring a moonsault double stomp on Tori. Mara uses a superkick to down Melissa Wright, and Brenda Storm follows it up with a springboard splash: 1 ... 2 ... Wright barely kicks free.} [Escobar]: It looks like we're in for an air show tonight, as THREE women head for the turnbuckles now ... Perkins with a moonsault double-stomp on the savage Swede, while Mara's Powerkick sets up the Billion-Dollar Babe for a splash from Brenda Storm! Cover, and we've got -- NO! Say what you will about her, but Melissa Wright's showing UNBELIEVABLE resolve here! [Swayze]: Well, since you asked -- WOWZA! Man, I'd like to-- [Escobar]: It was a figure of speech, Chad! [Swayze]: No, it's a figure of a goddess, Justino! Rrrrowr! [Escobar]: Would you PLEASE control yourself?! >>RINGSIDE<< {As Angela is waiting to see the outcome of the fall, Madeline Freechild whips Dacia Blackthorne into the nearby ring apron; Angela loses her footing, and tumbles outside.} [Swayze]: {*totally* insincere} Ooooh ... *bad* break for Angela ... {normal} at least, I HOPE something broke ... [Escobar]: CHAD! >>RING TWO<< {Talia Yamahara dazes Sparks with a pair of roundhouse kicks, just in time for Tiger Z to bounce off the ropes and leap into a hurricarana, picking up Tommy's legs for a pin: 1 ... Tommy gets a shoulder up. Tiger Z shows her admiration with a clawhold to the face, as Talia again rolls outside the ring.} [Escobar]: Yamahara and Z's team-up bearing bitter fruit for Tommie Sparks, and we get a cover -- but the newcomer kicks out! [Swayze]: {baby voice} Oh, I'm sorry, Checkmate, but I'm a rookie and I just GOTTA practice getting my head beat in. >>RINGSIDE<< {Mara slides under the ropes, and checks on Angela. Freechild grabs Dacia and lifts her into a Canadian backbreaker.} [Escobar]: Fans, it looks like Madeline is finally ready to put Dacia out of this match ... [Swayze]: Ever the optimist, huh, Justino? *I* think she just wants to see if she squeezes hard enough, will Dacia pop in two pieces? [Escobar]: That's-- I'm not even going to describe it. >>RING ONE<< {Dorothy Gayle reaches the ropes, and Kelly obeys Brandie Mulroney's call for a clean break. Storm attempts a headlock on Melissa, who interrupts her with a hairpull, then rolls her into a small package: 1 ... 2 ... Storm kicks out. Jessica Perkins locks Tori into a stretch plum.} [Swayze]: Yeah, I feel the same way -- some things are just better left for the tape to tell. [Escobar]: I don-- Brenda Storm has Melissa down to the mat! One -- two -- thre-- no, Melissa got free! That HAS to put a scare into the Billion Dollar Babe! >>RINGSIDE<< {Mara helps Angela back inside. Dacia flips forward and twists around to force her feet back on the ground, then grabs Freechild around the head and swings into a neckbreaker. Shaking off the daze best she can, she drops a knee into Freechild for good measure.} [Escobar]: Dacia Blackthorne is pushing Madeline for an escape ... I think she's got it-- got it and more!!! >>RING ONE<< {Tori appears to tap out in submission. Kelly Tucker slaps a crucifix legbar on Dorothy. Wright puts Brenda in a sleeper, which is broken when both Mara and Angela attack with a tandem karate kick. As Jessica starts to head for ring #2, Tori gets back to her feet and hits her from behind with a clothesline.} [Escobar]: And FINALLY, another woman joins Tommy Sparks to hold off the two-time threat of Checkmat-- wait a moment! That was completely uncalled for!!! [Swayze]: Hey, this match is still on, Justino! [Escobar]: But she SUBMITTED? [Swayze]: Did she, Justino? Did she *really*? *I* don't recall hearing the words "Djag kvitska", do you? >>RING TWO<< {Tiger Z grabs Sparks from behind, and rolls her up with a bridged kidney-scissor flip. Talia holds down Tommy's feet from ringside: 1 ... 2 ... Brandie Mulroney sees Talia, and breaks the count.} [Swayze]: Hey, what the hell?!? This isn't a tag match, sweets, that's legal! Count the pin! [Escobar]: (*cough*) I think Ms. Mulroney is completely within her rights as an official to consider that fall as invalid-- [Swayze]: Who died and made you commish, Escobo? COUNT THE PIN ALREADY! [Marone]: C'mon, man, give her a break -- if she counted THAT pin, which one does she send to the next ring? [Swayze]: Advance 'em both! They deserve it! {A piqued Tiger Z grabs Tommy by the hair and drags her up, driving a kneelift to the midsection, as Talia slides back inside the ring, equally miffed. She throws Tommy at Talia, who scoops her up for a Death Valley driver; Tiger Z bounces off the opposite ropes and dashes in for a followup vertical splash.} [Marone]: You know, I'm getting the notion that those two aren't real fond of Tommy. [Escobar]: Uh, yes, that would seem to be the case. >>RING ONE<< {Tori throws Jessica out of the ring. Mara grabs Melissa Wright and tosses her to the ropes; Wright counters her on the rebound with a sunset flip, but before any count can be made, the two FireStorm members break it up with a double axe kick.} [Swayze]: Here they go AGAIN! Thwarting the natural forces of evolution, artificially impeding the progress -- namely, one MAJOR BABE -- in the face of a dinosaur like Mara! [Escobar]: "Dinosaur"? By what justification-- [Swayze]: You know, I named my car "Machismo" -- that way I know it stays washed up. >>RINGSIDE<< {Blackthorne picks up Freechild, and suplexes her into the crowd. Tori slides out of the ring, and grabs a chair, rushing Jessica to rain down overhand blows. Blackthorne falls back to lean against the ring apron for a breather.} [Marone]: Chad, I hafta know -- do you keep a separate appointment book just to track the people you DON'T want to meet in a day? [Escobar]: Dacia determined to keep the advantage -- and CASTIGO! Madeline suffers a painful setback! [Swayze]: Hey, Manmad, when Roadhouse has a problem with someone, they steer clear of ME. >>RING ONE<< {Angela and Brenda team up to whip Melissa into the ropes, and deliver a double back body drop. Dante pulls her back up, throws her back to the ropes, and Brenda hits her with a springboard enziguri kick, then makes a cover: 1 ... 2 ... 3! Dacia climbs onto the apron, and Mara grabs her, snap-suplexing her into the ring.} [Escobar]: A THUNDERSTORM kick ... a cover ... and Brenda Storm is heading to ring #2! [Swayze]: And Angela Dante is eliminated! [Escobar]: Tha-- no! What are you talking about? [Swayze]: Come ON, Justin, how long do you think she'll last without China O'Brien there to protect her? On her own? Ffft -- pin on a stick, bay-bee! >>RING TWO<< {Tiger Z throws Sparks into a tiger suplex, which Talia follows with a legdrop. Talia pulls Sparks back up as she stands, throwing her to the ropes, as Tiger Z heads for the turnbuckle; Sparks connects with a dropkick, and is back on her feet in time to pull Tiger Z out of the air with a second dropkick.} [Escobar]: I think you are *vastly* underselling the talents of Ms. Dante ... and speaking of talent, take a look at Tommie Sparks! Surviving several two-on-one assaults by the Checkmate combination, she can still provide an *electrifying* attack like that! [Swayze]: What, are you getting kickbacks from these lamers or something? Because if you are ... the Roadhouse wants IN, all quick-like ... >>RING ONE<< {Dacia gets back to her feet, and ducks a superkick attempt. She hits Angela with a a short-arm clothesline, then tries to do the same to Mara, only to get tied into a headlock; a few moments later, Madeline Freechild reaches under the ropes and drags Dacia back outside by her feet.} [Escobar]: No doubt you would, Chad, but I'm afraid most of our superstars don't sink to that level ... Dacia takes ANOTHER unwanted trip outside, thanks to Madeline Freechild! [Marone]: Are you sure we're live, Justin? Now *I'm* starting to feel like I've been rewound. >>RING TWO<< {Sparks picks up Talia and snaps off a stiff DDT, then makes a cover.} [Escobar]: Tommie Sparks pulls Talia aside -- for a Bolt From The Blue!!! The Live Wire may just have beaten the odds-- NO! Tiger Z shoves her off the cover after two ... {Talia and Tiger roll out of the ring.} [Marone]: And the chesspieces sweep themselves off the board. >>RINGSIDE<< {Multiple officials swarm out to drag Tori (and her chair) away from Jessica Perkins. Madeline Freechild throws Dacia into a full nelson suplex. Storm slides out after Z, who ducks around the ring corner. Perkins pulls herself up, shakes herself out, and heads after Talia Yamahara. Freechild lifts Dacia into an Argentinian backbreaker rack.} [Chad]: Man, oh, man, where HAVE I seen THIS before? It's like a flashback! Only, like, then I was seeing RED! [Marone]: What, Madeline put *you* in the Child's Play once? Man, you've fought EVERYONE in this league, haven't you? >>RING TWO<< {Talia and Tiger both return to the ring. Tiger catches Brenda with a stomp to the back as she follows Z inside; conversely, Tommy Sparks catches Talia with a dropkick as she stands up. Tiger Z grabs Brenda and irish whips her into Tommy Sparks; Kelly Tucker enters the ring and attempts a toehold on Talia, who counters it by flipping Kelly over her head.} [Escobar]: Checkmate reenters the ring -- and split the decision as it were, Tiger Z faring better than her teammate ... [Swayze]: She's just showing team spirit -- that's what teammates DO, they take the big hit for others! [Marone]: Like you do for Robbie? [Swayze]: With the shots I've taken? >>RING ONE<< {Mara and Angela circle each other, closing in once to shake hands before breaking away again. They close in again and lock up into a collar-elbow grip; Dante twists it into a headlock, but Mara counters with an atomic drop.} [Escobar]: That's -- actually, that's almost sensible. Almost. >>RING TWO<< {As Talia stands, Jessica Perkins closes in; Talia dropkicks her. Tiger Z drags her up by the hair, and quickly delivers a kidney scissor flip, holding for the pin: 1 ... 2 ... Jessica gets a hand on the ropes.} [Escobar]: A Tiger Press, and Jessica Perkins is out of-- no! She gets a hand on the ropes! {Talia grabs Kelly in a bear hug. Tiger Z gets back up, and before Jessica can stand completely, hooks her arms to swing her into a tiger bomb.} [Swayze]: WHA-BAM!!! Did you feel the earth move! 10 points on the Richter Z scale! [Escobar]: Brandie makes the count -- and amazingly enough, Tiger Z will be the first person in ring THREE as well ... [Marone]: And even MORE amazing, she actually got that last move in by herself! {Tommy Sparks lunges at Talia with a jumping side kick, but Talia pulls Kelly Tucker into the way; Brenda hits Talia in the back with a spinning knifehand chop.} >>RING ONE<< {Mara hits Angela as she's standing with a karate kick to knock her to the mat, then locks her in body scissors.} >>RINGSIDE<< {Dacia gets a hand on the ringside ropes, and pulls herself out of the backbreaker rack. Freechild spins her around, lifts her by the waist, and powerbombs her onto the ringside steps. Tiger Z rolls out of the ring, picking up the chair in the aisle already well-battered from use on Perkins.} [Escobar]: Dacia gets herself free of Freechild's-- CASTIGO!!! A BRUTAL impact maneuver from Freechild -- Dacia might be SERIOUSLY injured! [Marone]: Uh-oh ... don't look now, but I think match participant #17 just joined the Checkmate side ... >>RING TWO<< {Yamahara turns to hit Brenda with a backspin fist, as Sparks is confronted by an annoyed Kelly; Kelly bodyslams her, and drops to the mat to put on a wakigatme armbar. Talia twists Storm into a spinning wristlock, as Tiger Z climbs into ring #3; Talia swings Brenda towards Z, 'accidentally' hitting the chair in Z's hands.} [Escobar]: Talia Yamahara is all over Brenda Storm right now -- and this is just too much! When is Brandy going to put a stop to this pair?! [Swayze]: When she gets about a foot and fifty pounds on 'em, Escobo ... >>RING ONE<< {Angela throws a forearm at Mara, then puts her in a headlock.} >>RINGSIDE<< {Freechild stomps on Dacia repeatedly, then drags her up by the arm into a kick; she then lifts Blackthorne up into a suplex-powerslam.} [Escobar]: This is *unreal*!!! Freechild just will not STOP! She could be ending Dacia's CAREER tonight! [Swayze]: And I think I speak for every man, woman, and child in the building tonight when I say, THANK YOU!!! [Escobar]: CHAD!!! >>RING TWO<< {Talia savate kicks Brenda Storm over the interior ropes into ring #3. Tommy Sparks puts a wristlock on Tucker, then stands up, legsweeping Kelly.} >>RING THREE<< {Tiger Z picks up Brenda Storm and belly-to-belly suplexes her onto the chair. Grabbing her by the hair, Z shoves her against the ropes and drives a kneelift into her to push her back into ring #2.} [Escobar]: This bout is turning dangerous on more than one level -- Freechild has just *lost* it outside, and inside the pair of Checkmate are bending the rules -- and Brenda Storm -- to the limit of endurance! >>RINGSIDE<< {Freechild lifts Dacia back up onto her shoulders for an Argentinian backbreaker rack.} [Swayze]: Talk about your Kodak moments -- turn up the volume REAL loud, kiddies, so you can hear Maddie snap Dacia into a paraplegic state! >>RING ONE<< {Angela throws Mara into the ropes, stops her on the rebound with a kneelift, then hiptosses her to the mat.} [Escobar]: Have you at last, Chad, no decency? Dacia is trapped in the Child's Play, and though Brandie isn't in any position to check for submission, Madeline shows NO sign of caring! >>RING TWO<< {Brenda kicks away Talia once, and gets to her feet; Talia manages to grab her and toss her to the ropes, scooping her up when she returns for a Death Valley driver. She makes a cover, but Brenda throws her off before Mulroney can make a count.} [Swayze]: And just a first down away, you can watch the Dragon DESTROYING Brenda Storm! Get me an Old Milwaukee, because bay-bee, it doesn't GET any better than this! [Escobar]: Talia makes a cover -- no count! [Swayze]: What?!? >>RING ONE<< {As Mara stands back up, Angela Dante gets behind her and rolls her into a backslide: 1 ... 2 ... 3!} [Escobar]: Backslide from Dante -- ANGELA DANTE PULLS IT OFF! AND THAT IS IT FOR THE FIRST RING! [Swayze]: Oh, dude ... oh, well, at least it's it for *Blackthorne*, too -- I don't think she gets that wasted on a *bender* ... >>RINGSIDE<< {Blackthorne, still in the backbreaker, is obviously in really bad shape. Mulroney slides out of the ring and starts trying to get Freechild to release the lock.} [Escobar]: Mara Machismo on her feet now, and she shakes Dante's hand, a real show of class from a truly classy competitor! [Swayze]: I'd say she still NEEDS class ... specifically, a class on how to stop helping everybody ELSE in the ring, and get a win or two for YOURSELF! [Escobar]: Dacia does seem to be in real trouble -- and as I guessed, Madeline is NOT listening to referee Brandie Mulroney! >>RING TWO<< {Talia locks head scissors on Storm. Tommy Sparks throws a forearm into Kelly Tucker, then gets up and rushes the ropes, hopping onto the top rope to spring off backwards and nail Kelly with an elbow.} [Swayze]: Why bother, when she can listen to common sense? [Escobar]: I'd contest that description-- Tommy Sparks with an impressive high risk attack against veteran Kelly Tucker! {Talia breaks the hold on Storm, and stands back up, throwing Brenda into the interior ropes as Storm is getting up; Tiger Z connects with a big boot kick on Brenda, who staggers straight into a savate kick from Talia.} [Marone]: Ouch -- almost looks like Brenda's spending more time under Checkmate feet out there than the MAT is. >>RINGSIDE<< {Mara Machismo joins Brandy Mulroney in trying to talk down Freechild.} [Swayze]: Yeah, Mike, I like to call that an object lesson in destiny. >>RING THREE<< {Angela Dante, on the apron, rushes Tiger Z and knocks her down with a clothesline; she then steps into ring #2.} [Marone]: Oh, wow -- and THAT'd be an object lesson in? [Swayze]: Dante backstabbing! [Marone]: Nah, that doesn't sound so good. No poetry >>RING TWO<< {Talia grabs Storm by the arm, turns around into a spinning wristlock, and then drops her with a jumping hook kick. She hooks a leg for the cover; the count is a little slow to arrive, as Brandie Mulroney returns from outside: 1 ... 2 ... Brenda flips her over, bridging her legs for a pin predicament: 1 ... Talia throws her off. Tommy Sparks grabs Kelly Tucker in a front facelock, but Kelly twists free, turns aside, and hooks Tommy into a Russian legsweep. She hooks a leg for the cover: 1 ... 2 ... 3!} [Marone]: Man, I think Mulroney's getting more of a workout than any other woman in the ring! [Escobar]: Indeed -- and when it's all said and done, Kelly Tucker is on her way to the next ring! And it seems that Mara Machismo is finally managing to talk some sense into Madeline ... she's letting Dacia down, and heading for the ring! {Talia punches Brenda, then scoops her up and drops her into a tombstone piledriver; she makes a cover, but it's broken by a stomp from Dante. Brandy heads back out of the ring.} [Escobar]: It looks like our hard-working ring official, Brandy Mulroney, is now taking an opportunity to verify Dacia's condition ... [Swayze]: Condition *grounded*, bay-bee, and never flying again! That chick is *toast*! {Angela pulls Talia up and hiptosses her. Tiger Z reenters the ring, and Kelly Tucker tries an arm drag takedown; Tiger blocks it, then lifts Kelly for a press slam. Kelly staggers back up, and Tiger Z throws her to the ropes, following her in with a clothesline that knocks her out of the ring. Angela and Brenda double-team Yamahara with a double irish whip to the corner; Freechild, entering the ring, assaults Talia with a short-arm kick.} [Escobar]: Tiger Z is getting the upper hand against Kelly -- but at the expense of her teammate, it would seem, as Firestorm is free to go two-on-one! [Marone]: Judging from the rest of the match, I'd say Talia's familiar with the concept -- she's used it enough. {Dante rushes into the corner, and Talia ducks aside, letting Angela hit the turnbuckle; Brenda punishes Talia with a spinning chop, and Freechild slams her to the mat. Tiger Z climbs up the corner. Talia gets back to her feet, blocks an approach by Madeline with a backspin fist, only to get a double karate kick from FireStorm.} [Swayze]: More like THREE on one ... man, this is the HEIGHT of unsportsmanlike behavior! Not only is this a dogpile on poor Talia -- but it's an insult to the Tiger's ability that they're all HIDING from her! [Escobar]: HIDING? They're FIGHTING for the chance to FACE her! [Swayze]: Don't play spin-doctor with me, Justino! {Tiger Z jumps off the top turnbuckle, knocking down both members of FireStorm with a moonsaulting cross-body block.} [Escobar]: OLA! There's no way they could hide from THAT. {pause} Not that I was any way agreeing with that interpretation, fans ... [Marone]: I wouldn't worry too much, Justin -- even a stopped clock agrees with Chad twice a day. Or something. {Tiger Z and Yamahara whip Freechild into ropes, then backdrop her over the center ropes into Tucker.} [Swayze]: Oh, yeah! These two can do it ALL, bay-bee! They can talk, they can fight, and they can even make matches! Look out, JHC!! [Escobar]: Somehow, I don't think Chamberlin's job is in any danger ... {Talia attempts to kick Brenda Storm, but Brenda intercepts her with a legwheel throw. Tiger Z climbs to the top again, jumping off with a moonsault at Freechild, who rolls aside. Kelly Tucker closes in, attempting to wrap Tiger Z into a toehold, but Z kicks her away.} [Escobar]: Checkmate's advantage may have slipped away again, as Tiger Z bets high and rolls low with a high risk maneuver ... [Marone]: Not really surprising, Justin -- in Japan, after all, most gambling is done with dominos instead of dice. [Escobar]: That's a ... what? [Swayze]: I think the National Weather Service is putting a storm warning between those ears, Miko. {Brenda twists Talia into a leg grapevine hold. Dante rushes to the ropes, and rebounds off to drop a leg on Talia. Tiger Z gets back to her feet, grabs Freechild by the hair, and throws her into Kelly Tucker; before Tucker can recover, Z lunges in and bridges a half-nelson/chickenwing suplex.} [Escobar]: Tiger Suplex '85! And Tiger Z may be the first woman into ring #4 right here -- no! Kelly Tucker free before Mulroney can make a count. [Marone]: You know, if Alliyah was *really* smart, she'd have added a referee in this match just to count her team's pins. {beat} Only, there aren't any ref pieces in a chess set, are they? Guess that explains it. [Swayze]: I'm glad YOU understand you. That makes one of us. {Angela Dante climbs the corner, as Tiger Z gets back on her feet. Tiger Z shoves Madeline over the top rope, then grabs a rising Kelly Tucker; she whips Kelly into the ropes, catching her on the rebound for a powerslam. Talia breaks free of the grapevine hold, only to get pulled down by a hurricarana from Angela as she gets up.} [Escobar]: Tiger Z clearing space to maneuver -- and WHAT a maneuver it is! Her teammate isn't fairing so well -- Angela makes a cover! Uno! Dos! TREY! And now the Checkmate Queen will have to stand on her own for the first time in this match! [Swayze]: Oh, like THAT'S fair ... anybody can pick up a game if you SPOT them pieces ... [Escobar]: This is *not* chess, Chad, and it's MORE than fair, compared to the fiasco those two have made of this bout so far! {Tiger Z drags up Kelly Tucker, then rolls her up with a kidney scissor flip: 1 ... 2 ... 3!} [Swayze]: Hey, look at that, Escobo -- you're psychic! T.Z. *IS* the first chick in the last ring! [Escobar]: Words I'd rather have back, Chad, believe me ... {Freechild rolls back into the ring, as Angela Dante climbs up the center post.} [Escobar]: Angela preparing another daredevil offensive no-- what's this? {Tiger Z, halfway between rings, is accosting Brandy Mulroney, pointing to Angela; Brandy reluctantly motions Angela back into the ring.} [Swayze]: She's just keeping Angela from JUMPING the gun! That's HER ring now, bay-bee! You gotta WIN to get IN! [Escobar]: That's prePOSTerous -- with the total lack of respect Checkmate has shown to the ring boundaries in this match, to complain NOW? I just-- [Swayze]: Hey, JUMPING the gun -- get it? [Escobar]: --uh, yes, Chad ... {Dante hops down, looking piqued, as Madeline locks a full nelson on Brenda Storm.} [Escobar]: We're down to just four -- Tiger Z and Angela Dante each alone in their respective rings, awaiting the outcome of this lockup ... {She presses the hold several times, then snaps back into a bridging full nelson suplex: 1 ... 2 ... Brenda gets a foot on the ropes.} [Escobar]: Freechild makes the pin -- and she's got it! No, just in time -- that fall was so close you couldn't measure it with a stopwatch! [Swayze]: Close and grenades and stuff, Justino ... hheeyy, do you realize -- if Madeline DOESN'T get a pin here, what that'll mean? [Escobar]: Well, it would leave Brenda and Angela in ring three ... [Swayze]: Bing-go, bay-bee! Fire vs. Storm! Storm vs. Fire! Brenda on Nutso Steve's hit list! What an idea! {Freechild slaps a headlock on Brenda, drags her to her feet, and scoops her up into a bodyslam. She backs off to take a slight breather as Brenda gets back up, then whips Storm to the ropes; as Storm returns, Freechild lassos her into a sleephold.} [Escobar]: Madeline's not going to let that happen without a fight, Chad ... and she's got her locked into a sleeper! This could be it right here! [Marone]: I'd hate to be Dante here -- she can either watch her partner and best friend lose, or make sure she gets to beat her up later. That's not a fun decision. [Swayze]: Sure it is! I'd cut out the middle-man and beat her up now! {Brenda elbows out of the sleeper, takes a step forward, then hops back to knock down Freechild with a dropkick. Getting up, she runs for the ropes, scoring a spinning back kick on Madeline as Freechild returns to her feet. Stepping out to the apron, she hops on the top rope, and springs off to connect with an enziguri kick.} [Swayze]: Man, oh, man, this is TOO SWEET ... [Escobar]: THUNDERSTORM! Brenda's quick to hook a leg, and here's the count -- THREE!!! Brenda Storm advances to the third ring -- to face her BEST FRIEND, Angela Dante! {Brenda steps into the next ring, and shakes hands with Angela; the two lock up in a collar-elbow tieup.} [Marone]: This is just too *wierd* man ... it's like in the comic books, when the superheroes start fighting each other because they don't know they're superheroes and you just know they're going to stop and realize they're on the same side and team up to take down the big supervillain before they can win ... {Angela armdrags Brenda, who's back on her feet quickly; they lock up again, and this time Brenda armdrags Angela.} [Marone]: ... THIS ISN'T RIGHT, FIRESTORM! DON'T LET TIGER Z TAKE OVER THE WORLD! [Swayze]: Well, OUR world, anyhow -- HE'S obvious living somewhere else ... {Both women stand, and Brenda stuns Angela with a karate chop, then whips her to the ropes, catching her on the rebound with a spinning knifehand chop. Before Angela recovers, Brenda rolls her into a small package: 1 ... 2 ... Angela twists free, and kicks Brenda away from her; she stands up, but Brenda sweeps out her legs.} [Swayze]: Man, just look at that pansy rollup -- you can see the fear in her eyes, Justino, fear of the hidden participant! Brenda's seen the worst, she knows what'll happen to her if she lays a finger on Psycho Stevie's baby-doll! [Escobar]: That's LUDICROUS ... Steve the Insane is NOT going to stoop low enough as to hit a woman, CERTAINLY not for actions taken within the context AND spirit of fair competition! [Swayze]: Are you kidding me? Unless he finds "fair competition" in that big book he's reading, he won't know anything else to do! BANG, frontal lobotomy, where Brenda don' wanna be! {Angela kicks Brenda away from her again, and both women stand; Angela hiptosses Storm. As they both return to their feet, Dante whips Brenda into the ropes, and floors her with a clothesline; she pulls her back up, throws her to the ropes again, and takes her down with a Lou Thesz Press: 1 ... Brenda bridges her legs to flip over the pin: 1 ... 2 ... Angela gets a shoulder up.} [Escobar]: The tension in the crowds is so thick right now, you could cut it with a knife ... two of their favorites, in a matchup we never thought we'd see ... Angela gets the advantage, and the cover-- no, Brenda makes the pin! And Angela is still up! [Marone]: This is so confusing ... maybe I should just flip a coin and pretend one of them's Tori? {Angela puts a headlock on Brenda, pulling her to her feet. Storm twists free, and legsweeps Dante, then delivers an axe kick. She climbs to the top, and attempts a flying enziguri; Dante ducks the kick. Angela hops on the top rope, springs off and hits Brenda with a moonsault.} [Swayze]: Oh, like THAT would work -- NEITHER of these two could hold a candle to Tori! [Marone]: Well, duh -- that'd be cheating. [Escobar]: Dante scores the Inferno! This might be it! It-- wait a minute! >>RING FOUR<< {Tiger Z has Brandy Mulroney pulled aside, discussing something.} [Escobar]: What could she POSSIBLY be up to now? >>RING THREE<< {Brandy finally sees the pin, and runs to make the count, but Storm is out before "1". Dante cinches a headlock on her, and pulls her up, but Brenda performs a backflip to twist out of the hold, then dropkicks Dante. Brenda drops to the mat next to Angela, locking on a crucifix armbar.} [Escobar]: This is just *sick* -- Tiger Z obviously intent on making Firestorm do HER dirty work for her tonight! [Swayze]: Hey, it's like I said, Justino, she does it ALL! You love to go on about how popular those two are -- the fans should be eating this up, right? This is the match made in the ledger books, bay-bee! {Angela gets her arm free, and Brenda wraps her into a front facelock. Standing up, she pushes Angela into the ropes, hitting her with a side kick as she bounces off; Dante retaliates with a dropkick. Angela stands up, and drops a leg, but Brenda rolls aside; Storm then snares Angela into a rolling leg sleeper.} [Swayze]: Oh, bleah -- enough with the gentle pillowfight stuff -- break out the buttkicking, you two! This is a FIGHT, let's see some ACTION! [Marone]: You know, if you shout loud enough, they'll actually HEAR you. [Swayze]: Well, I mean-- {bristling, deeper voiced} yeah, so? You think the Roadhouse is scared of two skirts? [Marone]: I think the Roadhouse is happier not having to prove that. [Swayze]: Well, yeah, because, you know, that'd be so uncool, I mean, having to be a woman-abuser and all just to make a point ... yeah ... {Angela pushes out of the hold, and the two stand up. Brenda starts a series of kicks and chops on Dante, then grabs her by the head and rolls her into a small package: 1 ... 2 ... 3!} [Escobar]: Brenda with a rollup -- and the pin! Fans can breathe again, the worst seems to be ove-- OLA!!! {Tiger Z slingshots herself over the top interior rope to hit Brenda with a leaping clothesline.} [Escobar]: And AGAIN, Tiger Z shows her total disrespect for those 'boundaries' she insisted on earlier ... [Swayze]: Hey, out of all the chicks in this ring tonight, who else has had that belt in their wardrobe BEFORE, huh? You better BELIEVE there's a double standard tonight -- Tiger Z is just a cut above the rest, and deserves to be treated like it! [Marone]: Even Tori? [Swayze]: You bet, even-- hey! Tori had, uh, OTHER issues to deal with tonight, yeah, that's it ... she didn't really WANT the belt, she just had a MESSAGE to deliver ... if and/or when Robbie says "Women's Title, Now!", BOOM, new champion. It's just not in the *pllaann*, see? [Marone]: Eh, good enough for now. I'll bug you more about it next week. {Tiger Z grabs Brenda by the hair, and tosses her over the inner ropes to ring #4. As she climbs in herself, Brenda gets back up and dropkicks her. Storm follows that with an axe kick, then drops to one knee to apply a trapezius pinch.} [Escobar]: Speaking of messages, I think Brenda STORM has a few words for the Japanese superstar -- probably concerning her behavior throughout this match! [Swayze]: Oh, right, try to shade everything as a big moral lesson, Justino ... face it, your wonder girl in their has the SAME greedy mind as every other woman in that ring ... she LITERALLY walked over her BEST FRIEND to get to that shiny golden prize at the end of this road ... {Brenda breaks the hold, and chops Tiger in the neck; she starts to pull Z back up, but Z grabs a handful of hair, pulling her around. Brenda kicks her away, then whips her into the ropes; rebounding off the opposite ropes, Brenda jumps into a Lou Thesz press, but Tiger Z throws her off before the count can start. Brenda grabs Tiger Z in a front facelock, pulling her to her feet; Tiger Z pushes her arms away, then cinches her around the waist and snaps a belly-to-belly suplex. Both women get back to their feet, and Tiger Z whips Brenda to the ropes, lifting her up as she rebounds for a long-delay press slam.} [Escobar]: Tiger Z is not going to let up on Brenda for a moment -- and believe me, aficianados, a moment is all Brenda would need! [Swayze]: That's right! It only takes a couple of seconds for Brenda to squeal, "Helpmehelpmehelpme-I-quit!!!", and end it all! So Tiger Z's doing her best to see that you get a full program's worth of action! {Tiger Z pulls Brenda back to her feet, ducks behind her, and rolls her into a kidney scissor flip: 1 ... 2 ... 3!} [Rod Allen] Your winner, in a total match time of ... and NEW WOMEN'S WORLD CHAMPION of the AWI ... TIGER ... Z!!! [Escobar]: I don't believe it -- for once, apparently, crime DOES pay. [Swayze]: Believe it, Escobo! Two-time gold for the Tiger! [Marone]: Yeah, but she's not going to keep it long with all the junk they pulled to get it. [Swayze]: I'd say the only thing keeping her from a lo-hong title reign, Miko my man, is the possibility that Tori wants to play with something shiny and metal, and gets bored with chairs, capiche? [Escobar]: What /I/ capiche is that we're out of time ... but call your local cable company and order the DANSE MACABRE now! And see you next week on LINE OF FIRE! ====================================================================== This work copyright © 1999 by Allied Sports Enterprises. Allied Wrestling International is a member of the Summit Wrestling Alliance; permission is given to distribute or rebroadcast AWI footage in cooperation with Summit Wrestling events. "CBS Eye" is a registered trademark of Columbia Broadcasting System, used without permission for purposes of parody; no actual association between the writers and CBS should be inferred. "Promotional" trademarks likewise used without permission or affiliation for purposes of parody. ======================================================================