$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$**""""""**$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$"" "*$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$P" "$$$$$$$ $$$$$$" *$$$$$ $$$$P ...eee... "$$$$ $$$P zd$$P"" "*$$$e. '$$$ $$$ z$$$$P" "$$$$b. 3$$ $$F e$$$$$P ^$$$$$$. $$ $$Fz$$$$$$$ 3$$$$$$b $$ $$F*$$$$$$$ J$$$$$$P $$ $$L ^*$$$$$L .$$$$$$" $$ $$$ *$$$$b .$$$$P" J$$ $$$b ^*$$$b. .e$$$*" 4$$$ $$$$b """***""" z$$$$ $$$$$$. d$$$$$ $$$$$$$b. z$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$c. .d$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ee.....zed$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ "YOU'RE WATCHING ... CBS ... WELCOME HOME." ================================================================= {Scene: the parking lot, as the wrestlers are arriving. Mike Kirwan (dressed in jeans, a dress shirt, and a suit jacket) and John Smith (wearing a dress shirt and jacket, but with shorts) make their way toward the arena.} [Mike "Stretcher" Kirwan] I tried appealing to the pride of the AWI tag teams, but apparently that didn't work. That figures--if the teams around here had any pride, they'd stop wrestling and save themselves from further embarrassment. Tell me, what exactly do I have to do to get some decent competition? Do I have to beg? Offer money? Physically harass the other teams into signing to face us? [John "Asylum" Smith] Hey, maybe we should offer them some autographed pictures and trading cards ... though I kinda like the harassment idea. [Kirwan] {ignoring his partner as usual} Chaos Brothers, you seem to be the "critics' choice" around here. Everywhere I turn, there's talk of you two being the team to beat here in the AWI. I hope it's true, Chaos Brothers, because then maybe--just maybe--I'll break a sweat. Don't disappoint me. [Smith] Hey, maybe we can harass Firestorm into signing a match ... you know, title vs title ... ================================================================= {The view fades into a CGI image of a gun barrel interior (a la Bond movies), the POV rapidly backing out along it's length to bring the gun itself into view. As Golden Earring's "Twilight Zone" cues up. The gun turns to the left in profile.} [Music] It's 2am (it's 2 am)/Fear is gone (fear is gone) I'm somewhere where/The Gun's still warm Thinking my connection/Is tired of taking chances {The chamber of the animated revolver opens, as a sequence of video images of wrestling action move up the right side of the screen, encased in a "film loop". Every other image is "sucked" into one of the revolver chambers as it passes the center.} Yeah, there's a storm on the loose/Sun reigns on my head Wrapped up inside themselves/Circuits are dead Cannot decode/My whole life spins into a frenzy Now I'm steppin' into the Twilight Zone This is a madhouse/Feels like being home My feet they can't move/Under moon and star Where am I to go Now that I've gone too far {The chamber of the gun closes and spins, as the gun rotates around the long way to eventually face the viewer.} You will come to know/when the bullet hits the bone ... You will come to know ... when the bullet hits the bone ... {A loud drumbeat corresponds with the firing of the gun; as the bullet rapidly "strikes" the screen, it causes a bright flash and the logo: ================================================================= _ __________=___ A W I ___=__________ _ \\@([____]_____() | | |\ | [~ ()_____[____])@// _/\|-[____] |_ | | \| [_ [____]-|/\_ / /(( ) OF ( ))/ \ /____|'----' [~ | |} [~ '----'|____\ \____/ [ | |\ [_ \____/ ================================================================= : Nashville Arena -- Nashville, TN >>BIRD'S-EYE CAM<< {The camera sweeps over a crowd of people who seem reasonably excited to be a part of the AWI's first card at the Nashville Arena ... among the over 18,000 people in the sellout crowd, the camera pans over a group of college guys dressed in Broncos uniforms, waving "Trick Or Treat, Joe!" signs; an older guy, looking a bit like a slumming accountant, teaching his extremely young son to hold up a "Robbie + Anyone = Robbie - Belt" sign; a somewhat panicky young lady who frantically waves a "Kerry Me to the Chapel" sign when she sees the camera; and a pretty young thing who seems only to happy to model her Ed Carr Wrestling Academy t-shirt ... ... eventually, the camera manages to get to the announcer's table just behind the safety railing, where our three hosts now sit--the middle man oddly accessorized with a neck-brace and sling: : Justin Escobar Chad Swayze Mike Marone [Escobar] Ola, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to AWI's LINE OF FIRE! Tonight, we're going to see-- [Swayze] What we're going to see is the Chadinator getting some JUSTICE! You all saw it -- everybody was a witness, man ... Steve the Insane, and that punk friend of his Joe, attacked me WITHOUT PROVOCATION! Nearly KILLED me! And I helpless due to my pacifistic outlook ... it was OUTRAGEOUS, Justino--OUTRAGEOUS! [Escobar] Almost as outrageous, perhaps, as your exaggerations ... to begin with, it was /hardly/ unprovoked -- and you seemed to be well enough to gloat during the confrontation between Tank Bradley and Kerry Masters that followed ... [Swayze] Mere instinct, Justin -- I tell ya, I was like one of those bugs that moves around after it's dead -- I honestly can't even remember that last match! It's like some lost dream ... some lost good dream ... the kind of really really good lost dream you spend all day in bed trying to get back ... [Marone] He's right, Justin. He still bugs me even when he's dead. [Swayze] That's not what I -- I-I can't ... I'd like to correct you, Mike, but I ... I just don't have ... the strength ... [Escobar] Please, por favor ... you're just being ridiculous. [Swayze] But the WORST part is, they're letting that guy wrestle TONIGHT! When does the suspension kick in? Can he really afford that big a fine? I want to see him under the hammer ... [Escobar] Well, I have a memo from our president ... you want to hear it? [Swayze] Are you kidding? Preach the good news to me, padre! [Escobar] Well ... it says here that, since you're officially a member of Team Stevens, and not of the AWI announcing crew, that Team Stevens is held liable for any damage you take to your person. [Swayze] HA! Take that, Jo--WHAT?! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!! IT'S NOT FAIR!! [Escobar] Yes, it's a tough break, I'm afraid. As I said, though, Joe Walker is set to take on-- [Swayze] IT'S NOT FAIR!! [Marone] Yo, man, you said that already. [Escobar] --set to take on the evilly enigmatic Dominic Nightshade ... and if we've learned one thing from the man who calls himself the Scarecrow, it's that you never know what he's up to. [Swayze] IT'S NOT FAIR!! [Marone] Whoa ... it's like a bad flashback, or something. [Escobar] I'd hate to speculate on the nature of that something, Mike ... we'll also have the Honor Guard in action ... and the debut of the exciting duo of the Dynamics ... and as you saw earlier, the Chaos Brothers have accepted the challenge to face the World tag team champions, Intensive Care! [Swayze] IT'S NOT FAIR!! [Marone] Is, uh, he gonna be like this the whole show? [Escobar] I doubt it -- his boss is supposed to defend the Television title tonight. [Swayze] IT'S NOT--actually, the State Victim Protection program forbids me to identify the opponent before he receives his humiliation at the hands of the Most Feared Foot In Wrestling, His Royal So-Coolness, Robbie Stevens! [Marone] Wow, a miracle cure! [Escobar] What's a miracle is that he can suck up like that with a straight face. [Swayze] It's so sad that you have to think of the truth as mere flattery, Justino--you were neglected by your parents, right? [Escobar] My parents have nothing to do with your character flaws ... [Swayze] Denial's always the first stage. [Marone] I thought it was a river. [Escobar] {groans} The FCC's going to hurt us for THAT one ... let's head to Paul Stone, with words from one of tonight's competitors, before we get in any deeper. ================================================================= {We join Paul Stone walking around in the back of the arena.} [Paul Stone] I'm on my way to the Chaos Brothers' dressing room, to get their comments about the big match with Intensive Care later tonight. {Paul stops before a dressing room door with a metal number plate reading "111" on it.} [Stone] Here it is -- room 111. {He knocks.} Hello, Blunt? Zap, are you in there? {He looks down the hallway.} You see anyone down there, Gus? {As he is peering down the hall, the door slowly opens behind him, showing a wedge of darkness within. A dirty white-gloved hand at the end of a tattered black sleeve shoots out, grabs Stone by the shoulder, and pulls him inside. The scene goes shaky as the cameraman backpedals in alarm.} [Stone] What th--? {The door slams shut, causing the the number plate to fall off, revealing another beneath it which says "121." There is an awkward, silent moment -- then the door swings open, and Paul is forcibly ejected from the still-darkened room, looking pale and shaky. The door slams shut again as Paul takes a moment to compose himself.} [Stone] Uhmm, ladies and gentlemen, "The Scarecrow" Dominic Nightshade would like it to be known that tonight he intends to beat Joe Walker to a pulp, and ... uhm ... {he appears to be desperately trying to remember something -- or maybe trying to avoid remembering it} ... and then scoop out his skull, light a candle in it, and use it for a jack-o-lantern. [Gus]: {off-camera} Are you all right? What happened in there? [Stone] {shakily} I'd rather not say.. I mean, I don't know ... I mean ... Justin, back to you ... ================================================================= >>PRESS BOOTH<< [Escobar] Whatever the conditions, it appears we've received more of the Scarecrow's unconventional brand of personal expression ... {frown} I hope in the future that the powers which be here in the AWI take measures to prevent this kind of harassment before anything *serious* occurs from it. [Swayze] {snort} Oh yeah, we've seen what kind of racket those front office types are running. Look out, Paulo! If you or any member of your broadcasting team gets caught in the crossfire, the AWI will disavow all knowledge of your existence! [Escobar] I don't think you're really in a place to-- >>AISLE<< : "Burning Down the House" (Talking Heads) {The fans don't know what to think of the musical cue, until they see Robbie Stevens pop out from behind curtain working on the Rubik's Cube. He's wearing new "fire" pattern tights and is carrying all 3 Team Stevens championships, as usual. He hops into the ring and takes the ring microphone.} [Stevens] {putting down the cube} Trust me ... any minute, you will be AMAZED by my brilliance as I solve this cube with ease. Now, I have several things to discuss this week, but unlike some people, Robbie Stevens is not about to come out here and waste a lot of time. [Marone]: That's cool of him! So, uh, why's he still talking? [Stevens] First off, Kerry Masters, consider yourself lucky to be walking. If that stupid ref hadn't mistaken Tank's massive hand hitting the canvas so he could pull himself to the ropes, break the hold and then cripple you for good, for a tap out, we'd be calling you "the Late One" Kerry Masters right now. Second, we have on to my ever important TV title defense. Now, I've been waiting weeks for someone in that locker room to step forward and accept a sure loss at the toes of the Most Feared Foot in Wrestling, and not a single one of them had the guts ... except Joe Walker. [Escobar]: Joe Walker? He wants to fight Joe Walker? But Joe Walker already HAS a match scheduled tonight ... [Swayze]: HA! It's genius! I KNEW the Man With the Plan wouldn't let me down! [Stevens] But where Joe had guts ... he lacks in patience. Because, Joey knew that it was only a matter of time before he got a title shot ... the problem is, he ran out and signed a match for tonight against that nice young boy Dom Nightshade. [Escobar]: "Nice young boy?" The man borders on homicidal! [Stevens] Now, we have a problem here. I mean, it would be unfair for him to not give Joe his title shot. And I have to defend the title tonight, so it would be wrong to make some other snivelling coward get in the ring with me when we've got someone who's ready, willing and able to face the New Jersey Ninja. But, tonight is also the first big match in Dom's career. And unlike *SOME* people in the back, I'm not afraid of young wrestlers trying to make a name for themselves, because a few years ago, I was in that position. So I can't cheat Joe or Dommie out of their match and I've got to defend this title or the ratings will go down and you fans will want your money back. So, being *YOUR* hero, I have a solution that will make everyone happy. Joey, you and Dom can have your match tonight ... and after that's over, later in the hour Joey, you get your shot at the TV Title. [Escobar]: This is preposterous! Joe Walker deserves a LEGITIMATE shot at the TV title--not after he's faced a character the likes of Nightshade! [Swayze]: Heyyy, nobody's FORCING Joe to take the match! [Stevens] Dom, I wish you luck in your match. Now, I'd hate for this to go say, 20 minutes, because then Joe would tired and I'd feel realllll badddd about that. And please, don't do anything nasty like say, hit him in the head with a chair repeatedly. Remember, he has a title match later on. We don't want *ANYTHING* bad happening to Joe. [Marone]: Jeez, why doesn't he just hand out a connect-the- dots set? "Beating Up Joe For Dummies" or something. [Swayze]: Ehh, the people at that company just wouldn't go for it. No vision. [Stevens] And Steve-o! I know some people have put somethings in your head about me, but I give you my word as man and as Member 209 of the Steve the Insane Fan Club ... {he pulls out a card which reads "Steve the Insane Fan Club Member 209 Robbie Stevens"} ... that I will not interfere in this match, so you can stay in the back, spend a little quality time with Angela ... and let Joe Joe Walker and myself find out who truly is the greatest martial artists in AWI. And finally, we move on to an important bit of information I heard about. You know, I heard on the Internet, and as we all know, the Internet is never wrong about anything ... that the Flagstaff in Jim Thorpe, PA burned down to the ground. Now, you're probably wondering why I bring this fact up. Well, you see, the Flagstaff, aka the bar on top of a Godforsaken hill, was the home of the Ed Carr Wrestling Academy. So it seems that Ed needs to find a new place to run classes and rob young people with a dream of their money. Well Ed ... I think I know a place for you to move to. The outhouse in your backyard. Because you teaching skills match what's deposited there. And Joe... prepare to go up in smoke! {Robbie raises his hands and the ring posts explode into flames as Robbie poses in the ring with all three belts, causing the fans to be taken momentarily aback before they start booing all the louder} [Escobar]: I don't-- [Swayze]: SSHHH ... this isn't a time for talking ... let's just all take a moment, and bask in the glory--the genius-- that is ... Robbie. [Marone]: Are you running a temperature? Maybe you should go lie down. [Escobar]: He'll have plenty of time to bask -- we're headed for a commercial break -- stay tuned, everybody, and we'll try to keep the "genius" to a minimum ... ================================================================= WHEN LINE OF FIRE RETURNS: Chaos Brothers endure Intensive Care COMMERCIAL BREAK: Honda recommends you rotate every 1000 miles-- and changing tires now and then's pretty good, too ... Among the games for your N64: "AWI International Incident, with GA-REE, taking a piledriver onto the concrete, whimpering and mewling, praying for the hurting to end ... WHA-AT?" ... staying at a Holiday Inn won't make you smarter, but you'll feel like it ... ================================================================= : AWI Line of Fire: Nashville Arena--Nashville, TN {"Orinoco Flow" by Enya plays over the speakers, to an appreciative, if confused, crowd reaction, as a pair of athletic young men in rainbow-colored, tie-dyed spandex pants and silver glitter-masks with multi-hued streamers make their way to the ring while slapping hands ... every so often, one will hop onto the railing and vault off in a somersault, producing cheers from the audience ...} [Escobar]: Even as the AWI introduces itself to the city of Nashville for the first time, the duo of Hector and Achilles, A.K.A. the Dynamics, introduces themselves to the AWI ... and we've heard nothing but good about these young men ... [Swayze]: I guess you're not listening hard enough. >>RING<< {The Dynamics' opponents, the Grey Guardians, are already in the ring, their trademark grey masks supplemented by grey gumshoe-style trench-coats ... The Dynamics reach the ring, and moonsault into the ring from the posts--at which point the Guardians toss off the trenchcoats to reveal street clothes, and charge the Dynamics, levelling them with clotheslines.} [Escobar]: And we're about to get underw--WAIT A MINUTE-- BRUTAL pre-emptive strike from the Guardians--they don't even look like they came to wrestle tonight! [Swayze]: You can say that again, Justino! My guess is, they finally got sick of losing, and decided to show these pansies up! [Marone]: I'll go that one better, Justin -- they don't look like the Guardians tonight ... I mean, we saw these guys just a few weeks ago, and they were a lot shorter, weren't they? [Escobar]: I think you may have a point there, Mike! {"Guardian" #1 bounces off the ropes and takes down the recovering Dynamics with a cross bodyblock, while #2 slides out of the ring long enough to grab a number of chairs and toss them through the ropes. #1 DDTs "Hector" (at least according to his tights) into a chair, then picks up another one and blasts him across the back, while #2 sits "Achilles" in a chair, and bounces off the ropes to shoulderblock him with yet another chair.} [Escobar]: Brandie Mulroney is at a total loss to handle the mayhem in the ring right now -- and after that DDT, Hector's not moving ... Achilles knocked ABSOLUTELY SENSELESS WITH THAT SHOT ... she has to get in there and stop this! [Swayze]: With what, her good looks and charm? Trust me, Justino, when something like this happens, you've only got one solution: sit back, enjoy the show, and thank the stars above the man beneath the steel isn't named you, capiche? [Escobar]: I capiche that this is horrible ... wait--now what are they-- {The two pile the Dynamics head-to-toe on top of one another using two opened chairs to support the pair off the mat ... they then climb to the top of a post with a third chair ... as the crowd boos loudly, #2 picks up #1, hoists him into the air as the latter holds the chair behind his shoulders, and powerbombs him into the pile below.} [Escobar]: MADRE DIOS!! Hector's not moving! Achilles isn't moving! In fact, Guardian #1 is barely moving himself! I'm not sure whether that counts as aggravated battery, or just plain suicide! [Swayze]: How about calling it euthanasia as it applies to the Dynamby-pambies? Or Dyin'-to-moves? [Marone]: I don't think it's so funny, man ... I mean, it's gettin' so you can't trust ANYBODY in a mask anymore ... if Batman showed up tonight, I'd bodyslam him just to be on the safe side, y'know? [Escobar]: Security is finally out to ringside, and these so-called "Guardians" have headed for the hills ... the Dynamics STILL aren't moving in the ring, and the medical personnel are arriving ... while they're attending to those unfortunate young men, we've--also unfortunately--got words from the self-proclaimed "Right-On Reverend," Jeremiah James ... [Swayze]: Awesome, bay-bee--he can perform the last rites! ================================================================= {Fade from black into a scene of a shadowed chapel of sorts, behind the pulpit of which stands a figure clad in black pants, black vest with clerical collar, and gold rings spelling "G-O-O-D" and "E-V-I-L" on each respective hand. The only real light in the scene is a spotlight centered above him, giving the impression of a "halo".} [Reverend James] {speaking in a deep and quiet but intense voice} A chill wind blows outside these sanctum walls, my congregation ... it is a time of darkness and death, the fading of summer light and hopes before the coming winter. And as the days fade into longer nights, so too do the hearts and souls of men dim into darkness, weakened by the chill of hardships to the call of the great adversary ... It is a time when the minions of darkness grow bolder, shielded from the light. Even now, they wave their banners openly within this AWI ... even now, they urge all the weakened men hungering for fame and fortune to answer their call for their 'Danse Macabre', to accept the Devil's Deal. The hearts of righteous men will be thankful, for the LORD has sent his servant to suffer in their place, to safeguard those who might be saved from this sale of the soul. Be warned now, all you who would risk your virtue within the four rings of hell at this Danse Macabre -- you will be redeemed at the hands of the Reverend Jeremiah James, washed in fire and pain, and sent forth clean ... but so more joyful he who needs not this baptism. {He pauses for a long moment, bowing his head.} Yet there are those too far lost for such simple measures, souls already fallen off the edge of salvation and plunging towards the devil's grasp. The LORD has not forgotten these, nay, not even the sinful, the prideful, the living idols who would steal His glory. Most especially, the LORD calls out to one so close to His will, the man who would be Justice. For the path of Justice will not lead to the Danse Macabre, will not take him to the Devil's Deal. I tell you now in His name, man of Justice, that for every thing on His Earth is a purpose. There is a purpose for your trials, a purpose for your pain. Know you that the LORD will reveal his plan for you in time, man of Justice. The LORD is not blind to your suffering, man of Justice -- it is *you*, always you, who have been blind to its *cause*. Always you look within for answers, seeking the truth of this life in the flawed and contrary human heart. Open your eyes, oh Justice, and look once more, and you will see there is no truth there ... there is sin, yea, sin and temptation, all the weaknesses of mankind -- but no truth, no answers. Always you look for answers, Justice, and find only doubts. You doubt the origins of your cause. You doubt the sincerity of your motives. You doubt the effectiveness of your actions. Turn your eyes to the servant of the LORD, the Reverend Jeremiah James, and you will see no doubt -- for doubt cannot exist in the place of faith. For it is written that a man with a mustard seed of faith can move mountains -- and so here, in this AWI, will it be done, for the Reverend Jeremiah James is that man. I will move /you/, Justice. You will find your answer. You will doubt no longer. You shall *believe* ... ================================================================= >>PRESS TABLE<< [Escobar] Utterly chilling. I don't know how he lives with himself. [Marone] Dude, that guy makes me afraid to go to church on Sundays. He'd wipe out the whole front row just to make sure the rest listened closely. [Swayze] Probably a better attention-getter than humor, when you think about it. [Escobar] Speaking of abominable, the ring's now been cleared, but we won't know the exact condition of Hector or Achilles until--possibly-- later in Line of Fire, as they've been taken to the medical station in the Arena ... we've already dispatched Paul Stone to try and get more information as to the cause of that deplorable display. [Swayze] I'm assuming "deplorable" means "exciting, invigorating, and an utter joy to watch," right? Or did you just mis-use a word? [Escobar] Wha-that's--If we weren't going to taped comments just now, I'd find something to cut to, just so I wouldn't have to listen to something as disgusting as that ... [Marone] Me too--well, except, actually, I'd just hit you. [Swayze] SAY, don't we have something from the Careless Brothers to show? Man, do I want to see that! [Escobar] {sighs} One CHAOS Brother, coming up. ================================================================= {Blunt Dakota is currently stretched out in an uncomfortable position on the couch in his dressing room. In his hands is a binder full of loosely bound bits of paper and several pictures.} [Blunt] Intensive Care. If the reports are to be believed they're the best in the AWI to date. And we accepted their challenge. Why do I do these things? {Blunt hunches up onto one side of the couch and lays the open binder on the other side. He leafs through the pages with one finger. Several pictures of IC flutter to the ground.} [Blunt] Mike Kirwan. John Smith. You wouldn't think they could work together so smoothly, but they do. You wouldn't think they have the skill that they've got. Kinda reminds me of us. Couple of dissimilar guys who by all rights shouldn't really think the same way, but we do somehow. With Zap and me, there's sort of a bond based on similar outlooks on life, similar problems and goals. With I-C, I think it's mainly based on insanity. {Blunt retrieves the fallen pictures to the binder. He retrieves his now-familiar pack from underneath the couch and shoves the binder into it.} [Blunt] I think that's what bothers me about those two. Call it being old-fashioned, call it thinking in army, but the lunatics shouldn't be in the battle on either side. It's not fair to them or anybody involved. I'm not so tightly wrapped myself that I can throw too many stones, but I don't have to like it. Stepping into the ring against a fighter who's already lost it, like John has ... just isn't right. It hurts to think of what he must have been like when he was whole. {Blunt stares at his pack for a second, then abruptly stands up and throws the pack over his shoulder.} [Blunt] Bottom line: I'm gonna go hook up with Zap, and we're going to deal with Intensive Care on their own terms. I'm not out to right wrongs or cure evils. I'm just gonna make sure that when IC wake up a few weeks from now, they're gonna know in their bones that they wrestled the Chaos Brothers. They'll remember it then, and they'll always remember it, 'til the bitter end. {Blunt calmly steps out of the room.} ================================================================= >>RING<< {The four men are already in the ring; Asylum plays up to the crowd, which seems to find it amusing, while Mike seems to be irritated by it, while the Chaos Brothers apparently discuss strategy in their corner ...} [Escobar]: Kirwan seeming rather perturbed by his partner's newfound desire for fan rapport. [Swayze]: He SHOULD be! Being despised is what gives this team a chip on their shoulder! It's their /edge/, man -- and somebody hit Smithie there with a Danny-Boy poster or something, and poisoned him with fan-loving ... it could be the end of this team as we know it! [Marone]: So you're saying Intensive Care can't win without cheating? [Swayze]: Exa--NO ... jeez, Mike, don't put words in my mouth like that -- you could get me killed! [Escobar]: I think you do a pretty good job of that on your own ... Kirwan and Dakota are in the ring, now, and set to lock up. {Mike Kirwan and Blunt lock up in a collar-and-elbow, with Mike getting the advantage and moving into a side headlock, then switching tactics with a takedown and a hammerlock ...} [Escobar]: Kirwan with the early advantage here-- [Swayze]: And the middle advantage, and the late advantage, and the advantage after the bell rings to end the match. Face it, they're just plain dominant. [Marone]: I dunno--you gotta be hungry to be a wrestler, and maybe Mike's getting too used to "having the advantage." {Dakota slips out of the hammerlock, as Asylum tries to get a "Let's Go Mike" chant started on the apron ... Dakota catches Kirwan in a scissorlock, and the crowd 'rewards' Asylum with a chorus of "Get Bent, Mike" ...} [Escobar]: Heh ... apparently, the fans will only accept this "new" Intensive Care so far ... [Swayze]: Shows what THEY know -- Kirwan and Smith are out here busting their humps to give them a great show, and where's a guy like Jerry Straite? Polishing his belt with his ego! SOMEDAY the fans are going to appreciate the true entertainers of this sport, like Robbie Stevens! [Marone]: Yeah, whenever Robbie comes to ringside, I feel like the circus came to town. I just can't figure out whether he's a clown or one of those trained monkeys. {Kirwan breaks out, but Dakota's to his feet first, and drops an elbow on Mike, then locks on a side headlock -- which Kirwan manages to reverse ... he whips Blunt to the ropes, and catches him with a knee lift, then levels him with a short-arm clothesline.} [Escobar]: Dakota and Kirwan trading counters here ... both men top-notch technicians at the height of their game. [Marone]: Yeah, which means their game's about 6' 3" if my notes are right, right? [Swayze]: Huh?? Hey, Justino ... When they send that geezer Glenn back into space, you don't think he'll stumble on the planet this guy came from and bring MORE of them back, do you? [Escobar]: I, uh, won't even speculate on that question-- Kirwan with a BIG kneelift, and he now seems fully in control! {The camera wanders away from the action to a hefty man in a cheap sportcoat, glasses, hat, and ponytail, circling the ring with a camera bag over the shoulder, taking pictures ...} [Escobar]: Quick look at our guest from Elite Wrestling Informative, the monthly wrestling news-source ... and I'm sure he's getting some great pictures tonight. [Swayze]: How much did you get for saying THAT? {Tag to Smith, who offers a handshake to Dakota. Blunt warily accepts, and Smith grins to the audience, before another collar and elbow ensues, which Blunt gets control of this time -- he lifts John up for a bodyslam, but Asylum's able to cause a loss of balance, and Dakota falls backward instead.} [Swayze]: Oh, man, what a JOKER! I hate to argue with "Stretcher", but I don't know WHAT he was thinkin' there! Yeah, you gotta show loyalty to your partner, but to tag Blue Boy in at this point, when you've got the perfect chance to beat somebody up -- man, that's crazy! [Marone]: So's arguing with Kirwan's tactics. [Swayze]: Hey, I was really HURT last week -- I could've suffered a concussion or something! I'm not in my right mind! [Escobar]: Can we get that in writing? Dakota scoops up Smith now -- no, wait -- Smith sends him off balance, and Dakota falls to the mat with Asylum on top! [Swayze]: Quick advice, Duh-kota: GIVE UP! You might be able to take on guys like the Grey Guardians -- the old ones, anyway -- but Intensive Care's in a class by itself! [Escobar]: Does that include Agony & Ecstasy? [Swayze]: Hey, stop that! I don't need trouble with the boss-man ... besides, bein' the Walking Weapon of Mass Destruction and the Fashion Plate of the AWI are full-time jobs of their OWN -- being a dominant tag team is just their hobby, comprende? {Smith hits Dakota with a leg lariat as the pair rise; John goes into the ropes, and leapfrogs Blunt once, then clotheslines him on the return, before dropping a fist into the forehead.} [Escobar]: And we knew it wouldn't be long before Smith brought that "medical appliance" into play during this match ... you know, you'd think the AWI's Competition Committee could step in and stop that travesty! [Swayze]: Travesty?! Escobo, I've /seen/ that hand -- that glove goes, and you can kiss your hopes of duckin' the TV-MA goodbye! Scream 3 is gonna be about that man's bare hand! {Another whip to the ropes -- and Dakota catches a Kirwan knee in the back ... he manages to catch Smith during a bodypress, however, and in a reverse of earlier turns it into a bodyslam.} [Escobar]: Dakota into the ropes now -- COME ON -- Kirwan with an uncalled-for assist, and the big cross-body from Asylum -- NO! Blunt catches him, and rewrites their first meeting by completing the bodyslam! [Swayze]: It's gonna take more than luck to beat the world champs! [Marone]: Yeah. A few more slams like that could really help, too. [Escobar]: Dakota now trying to make his corner, as Asylum tries to shake off the stars ... Blunt reaching for the tag ... [Swayze]: He'll never make it -- [Escobar]: He makes the tag! [Swayze]: --unless that bum of a ref screws things up! Talk about your biased officiating! He didn't even get the tag off! [Escobar]: Don't even start. You KNOW we all saw that tag. [Marone]: Whoa, mass hysteria! Should we call Unsolved Mysteries? [Swayze]: Yeah, tell 'em we found the missing link. {Hot tag to Zap, who floors Asylum with a roundhouse kick. John keeps him from capitalizing via a low blow, but Zap's able to stop further offense with a forearm, then staggers Asylum with a front kick. He goes for a roundhouse kick, but Asylum ducks, then launches himself into Zap with a clothesline.} [Escobar]: London wasting no time in grabbing the offensive-- [Swayze]: Just about ANYTHING he grabs is offensive ... can you believe people let their kids watch him? [Escobar]: You have a problem with Zap London? Why, on earth? [Swayze]: The man wears Fort Knox in his face! He'll have kids poking themselves with pencils or pins or worse, just to be "cool like Zap!" Upstanding role-models of good clean fun like Robbie 'n' Corey 'n' me can only do so much, y'know. [Escobar]: TOO much, it seems -- neither London or Smith able to keep the attack up -- but that clothesline might change things! {As Asylum approaches, Zap catches him in the chin with a snap kick, then legsweeps him, and scrambles into the ropes, coming off with a handspring kick.} [Escobar]: Or perhaps I spoke too soon, as London strings together a martial arts combo ... he's up -- into the ropes-- WHAT A KICK he just floored Asylum with! And the fans are going absolutely crazy for Zap right now! [Swayze]: They'd HAVE to be crazy to root for that loon. {A series of punishing forearms daze Asylum, followed by a back elbow, but Smith manages to turn the momentum of his stagger into a spinning leg lariat -- only to get legswept by Zap, and thrown in a scissorlock.} [Escobar]: Zap seems to feed off the energy of the fans, as he takes charge of this match ... but Asylum with a leg-lariat combo -- NO, Zap takes him to the mat right back, and applies a scissorlock ... [Marone]: That's not so good. [Escobar]: I'm not sure I follow. [Marone]: Pound-pound-pound-pound, then squeeze? I think Smith kinda spooked Zap with that kick-thingie -- even if Zap is still the guy puttin' out the pain, he's lost a little of his game, and it's gonna take him some time to find it again. {Eventually, Smith manages to break free, but Zap keeps the heat on him with another forearm, a whip to the ropes, and a crescent kick ... Asylum rolls out of the way of an axe kick, however, and makes it to his corner for the tag; Zap tries to follow with a leg drop, but gets taken out in mid-air by Kirwan, who launches himself over the ropes with a clothesline.} [Escobar]: Another shot to the head as Smith escapes, and he's sent to the ropes -- and taken right down with a big kick! Seems to have found his game -- but maybe not, as Asylum rolls away from the axe kick -- he gets the tag, even as Zap chases --MADRE what a clothesline! [Swayze]: {bad french accent} Warily, ze ferrrozious and cunning Mike ztalkz itz unzuzpektin' prey, ztriking with khomplete zhooprize and feral effizhenzee ... [Marone]: Hey, that's pretty good, Chad. Do you do any other impressions besides Stefan Schreiber? [Swayze]: Eht's COUSTEAU, yeu steup-- I mean, you stupid twerp! {Kirwan flattens Zap with a belly-to-belly, pulls him back to IC's corner, and starts working his arm against the ringpost. He locks Zap in a Japanese armbar, switches to a hammerlock, then loses the hold and gets caught off-guard by another forearm.} [Escobar]: Kirwan seems revitalized, and that's big trouble for London right now, as Mike just POWERS him to the mat! Pulls him to the corner ... and -- please, this is just BRUTAL, Kirwan slamming the arm into the ringpost ... as good a wrestler as he is, why does Kirwan have to try and ruin his opponent? [Swayze]: Maybe your copy of Hooked-on-Phonics hasn't arrived yet, Justin: {slowly} be-cause-he's-that-good! [Marone]: I think it could backfire on him, though. [Escobar]: Why do you say that? [Marone]: Well, my notes say Zap's a MASTER at unarmed combat anyway, so why not just let him keep the arms and work something else? [Swayze]: It's kind of a moral victory. {Zap tries a side-kick, but Kirwan catches the leg and improvises a leg-wheel takedown ... he catches an elbow from Zap, however, and London drives him back with forearm and elbow shots, leading to a roundhouse kick, a whip to the ropes, and a dropkick, before making the tag to Blunt.} [Escobar]: Kirwan refusing to give up the offense here, but Zap's martial arts strikes driving him back nonetheless ... [Marone]: I don't think I've seen Kirwan struggling this much, tell ya the truth ... he really seems to be gettin' ticked off in there. [Escobar]: The Chaos Brothers are giving the champs a fight, that's for sure. [Swayze]: Speak for yourselves. Me, I've got my FTD order in for Zap and Blunt's poor grieving parents already ... I think they call it the "One Less Mouth To Feed" Bouquet. {Blunt drops a big elbow on Kirwan, then pulls him into a scissorlock. Kirwan gets to the ropes, but takes a headbutt to the back, followed by a half-nelson, then full-nelson.} [Escobar]: And now Blunt back in the ring ... and he decides to slow things down ... ref forces the break, but Blunt not ready to drop the offensive ... [Swayze]: Now why doesn't Newman get in and stop THAT, huh? You reach the ropes, you've got a TOTAL break coming -- it's in the rules! [Marone]: I don't remember it being written exactly like that. [Swayze]: It was in the fine print. [Marone]: I don't remember any fine print, either. [Swayze]: You must have had the abridged edition. {Kirwan escapes, and twists Blunt into an armwringer. He then sets up Dakota for a straitjacket, with a leg-lariat assist from Asylum.} [Escobar]: Mike getting the advantage -- wait, Asylum's in the ring -- STRAITJACKET/LARIAT COMBO! [Swayze]: Paging Mr. Referee -- we need a fork! HA! [Escobar]: 1 ... 2 ... and NO! Zap with the save! Smith to his feet, and mixes it up with London -- but Kirwan wraps up Dakota in a reverse rollup -- he's got the tights! 1 ... 2 ... c'mon, ref, catch it -- he's calling for the bell! It's a 3-count for Intensive Care! [Marone]: Man, I can't believe that ... the Chaos Brothers fought too hard a match to lose like that ... [Swayze]: Call it a learning experience ... next time, they won't fight anyone smarter than they are! [Marone]: Are you volunteering? [Escobar]: A tough break for Zap and Blunt, but I have a feeling they'll get another opportunity -- and sooner than the champions might prefer ... and speaking of people looking for opportunities, let's head to the Sniper's Nest now ... {A brief pan over the crowd accompanies the opening of "No Shelter" by Rage Against the Machine keys up.} >>AISLE<< {Hector "Power" Martinez and Jayson "Fury" Michaels make their way to the Sniper's Nest. They slap a few fans' hands on the way, then get into position to speak.} [Jayson Michaels] A lot of wrestling is about respect. Hector and I came to the AWI a few months ago, and asked for respect. Respect based on the potential I've shown ... respect based on Hector's history ... and basic respect given to any athlete. Well ... to say the least, I don't think we were taken very seriously ... particularly not after losing to a great team like Agony and Ecstasy. {Big-time boos ... apparently, the Nashville crowd isn't too fond of A & E.} [Jayson Michaels] So the next thing that we did was take on the best in the federation: Intensity went to the limit with Intensive Care ... {More boos, though a small chant of "A-SY-LUM" starts up.} [Jayson Michaels] But does Intensity get any respect? Any high ranking? Even placement in the popularity polls? No. [Hector Martinez] IT MAKES A GUY WONDER ... WHAT DO WE NEED TA DO?!?!?! WHAT HAVEN'T WE DONE YET?!?!?! DOES INTENSITY NEED TO COME OUT HERE AND BEAT PEOPLE TO A PULP TO GET RESPECT?!?! JUMP PEOPLE WHEN THEY'RE NOT LOOKING ... HUH?!??! {The crowd isn't so hot at the mention of these tactics, as shown from a concerned/confused ripples of boos and murmurs.} [Jayson Michaels] Well ... I have to admit that it was considered. But that isn't our way. What Intensity needs to do to get respect is to EARN it ... by taking on those that are respected ... taking on the best ... and pinning them 1,2,3 in the center of the ring!!! {THIS makes them happy -- big-time cheers ...} [Hector Martinez] SO INTENSITY'S GOT A LITTLE CHALLENGE TA MAKE!!!! WE WANNA TAKE ON THE TWO MOST ESTABLISHED TEAMS IN THE AWI ... NOT TA JUMP YA ... NOT TA HURT YA ... BUT TO PROVE WE /DESERVE/ RESPECT IN THE AWI!!!! [Jayson Michaels] So Perfection ... if you have some time in between getting your affairs in order for the Looking For A Fight match ... we have a contract waiting for you in the AWI Front Office. Look at it like this ... unlike Steve and Joe, you may be able to walk away from a match with us. Maybe. [Hector Martinez] AND HONOR GUARD ... YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN AROUND THE LONGEST ... YOU'VE SHOWN A LOT THAT YOU ARE /THE MEN/ ... WE HAVE A CONTRACT FOR YOU TOO!!! [Jayson Michaels] To be the best, you have to beat the best. Perfection ... Honor Guard... you're among the most respected teams in the AWI. That means you're the ones we need to beat. ================================================================= WHEN LINE OF FIRE RETURNS: The Honor Guard returns to our ring! COMMERCIAL BREAK: Legend of Zelda VI: The Ocarina of Time -- Get N or get out ... "Neil, did you eat your Chunky Soup?" ... the only car reverse-engineered from UFOs: the Beetle II ... ANTZ, the only movie in theatres featuring drinking from an aphid's butt ... ================================================================= : AWI Line of Fire: Nashville Arena--Nashville, TN {A booming voice that sounds like someone blatantly copying Michael Buffer sounds off in the loudspeaker.} [Booming Voice]: Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, it's that time again. Put your hands together for the DAVE HATFIELD PLAYHOUSE!!!!!!! Introducing this week, coming straight from the heart of Germany, please welcome Dave's guest this week, reading a passage from his favorite works of art ... KARL VON EICHMANN!!!! {Then, in a MUCH lower, quicker voice} thepartofeichmannisplayedthisweekbydavidhatfield. {Cue "Voice of America" by Karl's entrance music as David Hatfield comes out onto the Sniper's Nest stage in what could only be described as a cross between Adolf Hitler and Colonel Klink. Dressed in full WWII German officer uniform, with a fake Hitler mustache and a Klink eyeglass monocle. His nametag reads "General Eichmann" as he goose steps it to the stage amidst a swelling wave of boos. In his hand is a hardback book, looking rather old, as he stops, and begins to speak into a microphone fashioned like the old radio microphones from the 50's.} [Dave Eichmann] ACTTUNG! {He pauses to monitor the negative crowd mood.} [Dave Eichmann] {in a very bad German accent} Ackt BIT ZU! I Vill read from zie book now. Und you vill be Quiet!!! Zie book ist MEIN KAMPF, by Adolf Hitler SEIG HEIL! {Dave begins reading in a very exaggerated manner, yelling some words for no apparent reason and continuting to do the German seig heil salute every word or so} [Dave Eichmann] For as soon as a MAN appears who profoundly recognizes the DISTRESS of his PEOPLE and then, after he has attained zie ultimate clarity with regard to zie nature of zie disease, seriously tries to cure it, when he has set a goal and chosen the road that can lead to this goal ... immediately small and petty minds {points at the audience} take notice and begin to follow eagerly zie activity of zis man who has attracted the public eye. Zese people are just like sparrows who keep vatching a more fortunate comrade who has found a piece of bread, in hopes of suddenly robbing him in an unguarded moment. A man need only embark upon a new road and all sorts of LAZY LOITERERS prick up their ears and sniff some worth-while morsel which might lie at the end of zis road! {He snaps the book shut with a click of his heels.} Now, Vhat does this mean for me? This means that GERMANY IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE VORLD, and you are nothingk! You are the loiterers that Adolf vas speakingk of! You are lazy loitering Amerikans who have nothingk to do but (suddenly returns to his normal voice} cheer for some lame ass wannabe American who comes over here, steals OUR jobs, and then spouts off about how great his country is. Eichmann, this is your notice. I'm Dave Hatfield, and I for one say the buck stops here! You will not steal our jobs, and take our women to learn German and cook bratwurst for your little German children! You will not hurt our great American nation, one that was formed from a hodgepodge of all races, all religions EXCEPT for Germans! We kicked your country's butt TWICE, rebuilt it twice, and you repay us by sending us lame asses like Eichmann. I-- {Suddenly, another voice suddenly booms from the PA system.} [Eichmann]: That ... is ... enough. {Karl Von Eichmann appears on the ramp with a microphone, wearing jeans and a "UCONN Atheletic Department" t-shirt; the crowd turns quickly to cheers, if only for the promise of quick relief from Dave's ranting.} [Eichmann] It is bad enough that you are wasting the time and money of these fans to talk about your bigoted views ... but now you are getting personal, and I advise you to stop right now. {Dave pauses in mid-sentence, turns to Karl, and smiles.} [Dave] Why-- Why HELLO there, Karl ... howdy. Welcome to America. Land of freedom. {Dave smiles some more, but quickly turns to a frown as the crowd voices its disapproval of his total lack of sincerity.} [Dave] Now get the hell out. You don't belong here. No one wants you here, and you showing up with a UCONN t-shirt on only reinforces that Connecticut would let ANYONE in their school. They don't have standards like West Virginia University does. I'm being personal? YOU being here, YOU calling the country I call home YOUR home, you claiming that you're proud to be an American, those insult me personally. You started it. Now, if you can't take a bit of history from YOUR OWN COUNTRY, if you can't take words written down by a man who used to rule Germany, that's not my problem. I'm not the one whose ashamed to be who I am. I am an American, and despite all the problems, all the tensions, all the troubles, I AM PROUD to be an American. I don't come out and spit on the country that gave birth to me. You do. It seems, bucko, that you have some personal problems that you need to sort out. That's not my problem. It's not my problem that you're so much of a loser that even Germany don't want you anymore. {Von Eichmann, growing visibly tense, advances down the ramp.} [Eichmann] Do not put words into my mouth, Hatfield. I have never "spit on" Germany, and I _do_ love the nation of my birth, in spite of her dark history. But America is the land of opportunity, as much in the sport of wrestling as anywhere else. I came to this country to pursue my dreams, as _millions_ have before me -- as _your_ ancestors did as well, Hatfield -- to better themselves ... to be free. {The crowd experiences a warm, fuzzy patriotic rush, and thanks Karl with cheers.} [Eichmann] You say you are an American, and that I am not: but who is out here dressed like a hate-mongering nightmare, spouting rubbish and bigotry, and who is out here speaking of freedom and opportunity? _You_ should be ashamed, Hatfield, ashamed at your hatred and your narrow mind. Now please, go back to the lockers, so we can have some wrestling here. {Karl turns to leave, still being cheered.} [Dave] Y'know, maybe I better be quiet. I know from reading history what your people does to those they perceive to be a threat. If I remember correctly, there were 6 million "threats" to Germany that -- URGG!!! {Dave is suddenly cut off by Karl lunging straight at his throat, and pinning him to the ground ...} [Escobar]: This is incredible! I don't think I've EVER seen this man so angry! [Marone]: Can you believe it? I mean, Hatfield's pushin' ALL his buttons, and he looked like he was kinda ENJOYIN' it -- that's just sick! [Swayze]: See? See? The invasion's started already! We have to rally 'round Dave before it's too late! [Escobar]: Don't be an idiot-- [Marone]: Too late. [Escobar]: And the security personnel have poured into the Sniper's Nest to break these two apart, as Karl is just PUMMELING Dave -- DESERVEDLY, I'd add! {The officials manage finally to break the two apart ... Dave, his mouth bloodied and a VERY wide-eyed look on his face, is quickly ushered off stage by ring personnel, while Karl, looking a bit abashed, makes his way back to the locker rooms to the fans' cheers.} >>ANNOUNCER'S TABLE<< [Escobar] It looks like things have finally settled down ... but there are DEFINITELY going to be repercussions to this situation ... [Marone] Yeah, I'd say from the size of the goose-egg on Dave's head, he's gonna have a repercussion for 2 or 3 days. [Swayze] It's amazing how you can work and take a vacation day at the same time. >>RING<< [Rod Allen] Ladies and gentlemen ... your next match is scheduled for one fall ... introducing first, already in the ring ... at a combined total weight of 572 pounds ... Flapjack Jones, and Brick Banyard ... the NEW BIG TIME WRESTLING! {A smattering of boos as Jones and Banyard generate enough heat to warm a water molecule ...} [Rod Allen] And their opponents, weighing in at a combined total of 540 pounds ... {The fans' cheers start up almost simultaneously with the rousing army drum cadence ...} [Allen] Led to the ring by tonight's SPECIAL manager, 13-year old Cathy Melbourne from right here in Music City USA, Nashville, Tennesee ... Samuel Richards ... and Rich Greenspear ... they are ... the HONOR GUARD!!! {The cheers only rise in volume as the pair make their way to the ring, led by a perky brown-haired girl with a ponytail, enthusiastically waving an American flag ...} [Swayze]: Taking advantage of this hick state's child labor laws? That's disgusting. [Escobar]: You can't be serious ... I think it's heart-warming to see the Honor Guard giving their fans something special! [Swayze]: 'Something special' would be a loser-leaves-town match with themselves. This is just a way to skimp on manager's fees ... watch, they'll probably use that poor little girl as a shield during the match! [Escobar]: That's ludicrous, even from you! [Marone]: Yeah. I mean, Rich's almost seven feet, man -- how's he gonna fit behind her? [Escobar]: Speaking of Rich, the larger man set to grapple with Flapjack now ... {The two men lock up, with Flapjack trying a go-behind takedown, only to have the larger man reverse on him with a belly-to-back suplex, followed by a rib crusher, and a whip into the ropes for a powerslam.} [Escobar]: Jones trying to wrestle the Mannheim monolith scientifically, but Rich out-thinks him -- and WHAT a suplex, driving Jones into the mat! [Marone]: Man, that's like 300 or more pounds he just tossed through the air like nothin' ... Rich probably changes his tires without a jack! [Escobar]: Two feet squarely in that big belly of Flapjack's ... and then he sends him into the ropes -- POWERSLAM! Jones has had enough, and he rolls into his corner to tag in Brick Banyard! [Swayze]: Who'll probably get hit by the flag ... just check out the devious little eyes on that brat. [Marone]: Man, pick on someone your own size -- she's just a kid! [Swayze]: Yeah, that's why the Honor Guard wanted her out there, right? I'm tellin' you, she's probably a sadistic, pull-the-wings-off-flies, lies-on-her-report- card felon in training, perfect for those two yokels! [Marone]: I changed my mind -- can I just squash you so you ARE her size? {Banyard catches Greenspear with a shoulderblock, and manages to squeeze in a few double axhandles on the staggered German ... but Greenspear returns fire with a headbutt and a short-arm clothesline, then hoists him high in the air for a press slam.} [Escobar]: Neutral corners, gentlemen ... Banyard faring a tad better than his partner ... he may have found a weakness in the larger man -- NO! Greenspear nearly took his head off with that clothesline -- and now Banyard's climbing Mt. Greenspear without a safety line! [Marone]: Actually, I think his safest line right now might be "Please don't drop me" ... [Escobar]: No such luck, as Greenspear sends him crashing to the canvas ... and he makes the tag to Sam! {Richards whips Banyard into the turnbuckle, then charges after, and delivers a monkey flip ... he climbs to the top, and comes off with a high-elevation leg drop, before wrapping up the thoroughly-disoriented Banyard in a figure-four ...} [Escobar]: Banyard in trouble in the corner -- and in trouble OUT of the corner, as Richards with a textbook monkey flip ... [Marone]: Y'know, that name sounds kinda mean to me. Did people really go around flippin' monkeys at one time? [Escobar]: Richards off the top, and NAILS Banyard with the leg ... and he's got the figure-four on! Flapjack crashes into the ring, but Greenspear's met him head-on-- CASTIGO tilt-a-whirl, and Flapjack will not be making any significant contributions for the rest of THIS match! [Swayze]: As opposed to all those crushing moves he laid on the 'Guard before? [Escobar]: Banyard's had enough, Tom Newman's seen enough, and he's calling for the bell! [Rod Allen] Your winners, via submission ... Rich Greenspear and Samuel Richards ... the HONOR GUARD!!! [Escobar]: And there certainly isn't any ring rust on the part of these two! Let's go to Trinity Saunders, and see if she can get some commentary ... >>RINGSIDE<< [Trinity Saunders] Rich, Sam ... what are -- [Rich] {taking the microphone out of Trinity's hands} I've vaited, and vaited, and I'm not going to vait any more! There are certain things that -- [Sam] Rich ... this is not the time to be talking about this. Remember what we talked about. You have to be patient with this. There are more important things to be worrying about. [Rich] You did not have to live with the indignity of-- [Sam] No, that's right, but the right time will come. Be patient. Intensity, we heard what you said earlier, and we appreciate the compliments. We accept your challenge, and hope we have a good match. [Rich] I vant the match now! [Sam] Rich ... you beat him. Remember? Why must you be so impatient? [Rich] Because he is another example of a wrestler that says he has changed, but he hasn't. He still yells and yells and still gives me headaches, and just because he is with a new tag partner doesn't mean anything. He was the one that-- [Sam] Thanks, Trinity. Sorry about Rich taking the mic out of your hands. He gets hotheaded sometime. [Rich] Yes, sorry. {Rich can be heard asking Sam "Why must we wait?" as they walk out of camera view.} ================================================================= WHEN WE RETURN: Can the Scarecrow scare Joe? COMMERCIAL BREAK: Best Buy has all the best new albums, including Everclear's "So Much For the Afterglow" ... Do you have what it takes to be a professional wrestler? Call the AWI Launchpad at 1-888-555-BELT and find out ... Dial 10-10-321 for long-distance phone calls, and you'll have sore fingers and a couple more cents in your pocket ... ================================================================= >>SNIPER'S NEST<< {The set has been refurnished a bit unusually ... It has a late-night talk-show-esque set-up, a desk with a chair behind next to a sofa set on a slight angle. The wall behind is covered with medals, fencing blades, the French flag and a uncomfortably large picture of Stefan Schriber. "Anything Can Happen" by Wyclef Jean begins to play and ...} [Announcer (clearly American)] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first ever episode of "Riposte!" Now, here's your host, the world's greatest athlete, the world's greatest fencer, the world's greatest wrestler, beloved by millions ... of Frenchmen, who are infinitely superior to any of you stupid Americans ... STEFAN SCHRIBER!!! {under his breath} I need to get a new job ... {Stefan enters the stage area to canned cheers and live boos. He waves to the audience and the music fades out} [Stefan Schriber] Thunk yeu very mach mestair STUUPID Americahn anowncer boye! Eets too bad that yeu ahr Americahn, or yeu maht hav acshuly don a gud job! And hello to the thousahns of mah fahns en attehdahce and the miyons washeng at hohm! Eets so nahs to be bahk on Eh Dohbal Yeu Aye tehlehveseohn! [Escobar]: An excellent time to point out that the views of Stefan Schriber are not necessarily shared by anyone on this broadcasting team, or anyone else affiliated with the AWI ... or anyone anywhere else in the galaxy. [Stefan Schriber] Yeu no, ohvah the pahst week Ah've been getteng non-stup mahl from mah miyons of fahs askeng "Stefan, wha wehn't yeu on Eh Dohbal Yeu Aye tehlehveseohn lahst week? The sho wasen't the same wethout yeu!" [Marone]: He's not kidding. My digestion was a LOT better last week. [Schriber] Well of cohs et wasen't the same. Eet was feeld weth STUUPID Americahns and no Frenchmen aht oll! How cood that evohn compahr to the altehrnahtev! [Escobar]: You suppose he'll give us an extended chance to find out? [Swayze]: I don't believe you guys ... the man tries to share a little culture, and you rain all over him ... it's no wonder everybody hates America. [Schriber] Bot, of cohs, Ah'll anser the qweston this week. Yeu see, ther wahs ah clerecal prohblem en the Eh Dohbal Yeu Aye frohnt ofece and mah ween ovehr Greyg Gahdnehr was recohded as a los! Evedentle, the rahnkengs comeetee deden't see that Aye puut mah fuut on the rohps en tahm to brahk the peenfah then wahch Greyg Gahdnehr get cowntehd out! Aye, of cohs, was smaht enof to wayet en the reng onteel the mahch was ohvehr beyfore Aye had to sho that STUUPID Americahn Zhack Fyoree how to proparele delivehr a beetdown! [Escobar]: WHAT?! Just what planet did he dream THAT up on? [Marone]: France. He comes from France. [Schriber] But, the rahnkengs commeetee es made ohp of STUUPID Americahns ahnd deed noht chahnge the rehsult. So Ahy eencorage ahl of yeu, mah fans, to riht lehtehrs of protehst to the STUUPID rahnkends comeetee en protehst! WE WEEL NOHT TAKE THEES OBSENETEE SEETENG DOHN!!! {Stefan proceeds to walk behind the desk, sit down in his chair, and turns to the camera} [Marone]: Didn't he just say he /wasn't/ gonna sit down? [Stefan Schriber] Mah ferst gest tohnaht ees a STUUPID Americahn who has the WOHRST reycahrd of aynee Eh Dohbal Yeu Aye STUUPID Americahn sewpairsahr, Zhack Rowbaretsohn! {"Back in Black" by ACDC kicks in as Jack enters the converted interview spot to a decent chorus of cheers. He waves at the fans and sits down on the sofa} {Stefan Schriber] Wehlcom STUUPID Americahn Zhack Rowbaretsohn! 'owevehr, where es STUUPID Americahn Ehd Cahr? [Jack Robertson] What? Ed? Oh, he's still in the back. [Stefan Schriber] But et has seemed sence yeu cahm back to the Eh Dohbal Yeu Aye that yeu cahnnot leev hees sahde! [Jack Robertson] Umm ... oh, well, you see unlike Robbie's goons none of us need someone to think for us, be he a pimply faced loser who lives with his mom and knows just a little bit too much about the inner workings of fast food restaurants or the guy who trained said pimply faced loser. [Stefan Schriber] Aye had assyeumed yeu wehr sleepeeng tohgethare ohr sumtheeng. Ehneywahys, wehn ahr yeu goeng to get out of the shato of your bothehr Zhon? [Jack Robertson] {Stares blankly at him for a moment} I'm sorry, I can't understand a damned word you're saying. [Stefan Schriber] Wohnce ahgain proveng yeu ahr a STUUPID Americahn. So Zhack, et es obvios that yeu ahr afrayed to stehp en the rheeng agahn. Wehn ahr yeu goeng to ovehrcom this fehr? [Jack Robertson] Hunh? [Stefan Schriber] WEHN AHR YEU GOENG TO REYSALE AHGAHN YEU STUUPID AMERICAHN?!?!?! [Jack Robertson] Oh, well, you see the AWI had some clerical paperwork problems so my debut was delayed, but I'm happy to announce that it's been taken care of and I should be wrestling again within the next couple of weeks. I'm also officially declaring an open contract-- anyone, any time, any place. [Stefan Schriber] Thank yeu Zhack fohr that eenterview ahs eentelegent ahs yeu ahr yeu STUUPID Americhan. [Jack Robertson] Ok, look froggie, you need you learn to speak English. Can you say English? Well, no, I doubt that ... how about we try something easier. How about France? Can you say France? How about blows? Now try and put them together, France blows. Come on, you can do it. [Stefan Schriber] AYE SAHD LEEV YEU STUUPID AMERICAHN! THEES ES NOHT YEUR STUUPID ZHERRY SPREENGER! [Jack Robertson] Gladly ... {gets up, begins to walk out, under his breath} never doing that interview again. [Stefan Schriber] Nohw fohr mah fahnahl thot! Yeu ahr ahl STUUPID Americahns! Thank yeu, gud naht! [Escobar]: If the AWI thinks we're going to put up with THAT every week ... [Marone]: We'll probably get used to it ... and next week I'll bring tomatoes. [Swayze]: Hey, good idea! Bring a few for me! [Escobar]: I thought you liked Schriber, god knows why ... [Swayze]: What does that have to do with Marone scoring us some redheads? [Escobar]: {long pause} Before I risk delving any deeper into what's supposed to be your thoughts, I think we'll head to Chad Duncan, with words from Looking For A Fight. Chad? ================================================================= {Cut to locker room, where Chad Duncan is standing by; Joe Walker is sitting on a stool near him, wrapping his hands in athletic tape.} [Chad Duncan] I'm here with Joe Walker and {he cranes his neck around off camera, following some motion} Steve the Insane ... Joe, do you two have any comments on your match -- or, perhaps, match*es* -- tonight? [Joe Walker] {looking up} Yes, Chad, I do. You know, normally I let Steve here do the talking -- because A, he's had more practice at it than me, and B, because when I get talking, I tend to get a little hypertension, if you know what I mean. But tonight, tonight I just have to say some things. First of all, to Robbie Stevens ... as you said, it wasn't too long ago that you were a young punk getting smeared across the mat, instead of a rich punk with hired goons to keep you from getting smeared across the mat. So you might not remember the Enterprise days, when a guy by the name of Tatsu squeaked by me and took the Television title with him -- the same TV title, on paper, that you sling around your shoulder every appearance. Since then, I've had my chance at that brass ring time and again -- and it keeps just slipping by. I'm not what you'd call a shy man, Robbie -- I think I could go ten rounds with Mr. Ken Mischief, or give Old Man Straite a run for his money, or walk into the ring with Steve and show Intensive Care the kind of beating they seem to be begging for all the time, and I'm not afraid to say so. But that TV title of yours ... that's more than just a belt to me. That's more than just a token trophy. So what I'm saying, Robbie, is that {standing up} you're DAMN RIGHT WE HAVE A MATCH TONIGHT!!! Anywhere, anyhow, you just give the word and I will kick your yellow-striped butt like clockwork. In the ring, outside in the parking lot, riding a semitrailer down Route 66, strap on a set of SCUBA tanks and fight out a Jacques Cousteau death match -- I don't really care, as long as you bring that shiny belt of yours with it. And you better believe it's going to be just you and me, because Steve is feeling particularly insane tonight, and that means death on a cracker for any of your yahoos dumb enough to stick their business in our business. {Steve the Insane enters the camera range. Wearing a New England Patriots jersey along with his usual jeans and combat boots, he does not look overly happy.} [Steve] This just has not been a good couple of weeks for me. First, the Mets miss the playoffs by one lousy game -- but that's OK, they'll get 'em next year. Then, there was Monday Night Football -- OK, we'll give the Jets that one, but there's a rematch the end of the season. So, obviously I have a little stress to work out ... and no one wants to play!! That kid Weasle and Dougie seem to have disappeared, Kim and Jill have been hiding ... [Walker] {snorts} Don't worry, buddy, they can't lay low forever. They're like whales -- eventually, they have to surface for airtime. [Steve] Joe has two matches and I don't have any. It's Joe /AND STEVE/ that are Looking For a Fight, not just Joe. It's just not fair ... what about me?!?! What about Steve?!?!? {This draws a groan from Joe.} I mean, when the Tigerman was around I never had this problem ... I had all kinds of playmates then. I'll settle for anything ... heck, I'll even fight Chad Swayze, Digger Douglas, the Grey Guardians ... Stefan Schriber ... anyone at all ... {to Joe} Maybe I want it too much? ================================================================= >>RING<< [Swayze]: I can't decide who's crazier: Joe, for actually WANTING to face Robbie tonight, or Steve for being JEALOUS-- not to mention thinkin' I'd get in the ring with that loonie! [Marone]: But you WERE in the ring with him -- or is that part of the amnesia? [Swayze]: Sure, ADD to the trauma, man ... when my big-time lawyers get the call to sue the pants off those two jokers, guess who's gettin' added in for "additional mental cruelty"? [Marone]: I find juries respond well to me. [Escobar]: You're joking. [Marone]: Well, actually, it's more that they /don't/ respond well to having their socks pulled up over their heads. It's cheaper than hirin' a lawyer. [Escobar]: You might want to think twice, Chad ... and speaking of thinking twice, Joe's about to run out of chances to change his mind ... [Rod Allen] Ladies and gentlemen, our next bout tonight is set for one fall, with a time limit of ten minutes ... introducing first, weighing in at 278 pounds ... hailing from the city of Denver, Colorado, and accompanied tonight by Steve the Insane ... {The crowds begin to cheer as "Gonna Fly Now (Rocky's Theme)" cues on the PA.} [Rod Allen] ... JOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEE WALKER!!! >>AISLE<< {Joe Walker jogs down to the ring, pausing to slap hands or bounce fists with various fans on the way; Steve follows close behind, the enthusiasm of the crowd perhaps countering his sour mood ... slightly. He reaches the ring and steps inside.} [Rod Allen] AND ... his opponent tonight ... {The trilling notes of Mussogorsky's "Night on Bald Mountain" herald Bad Things To Come, and the boos which accompany it can only be expected.} [Rod Allen] ... from Sleepy Hollow, Virginia, weighing in at two hundred and seventy-two pounds ... THE SCARECROW ... DOMINIC NIGHTSHADE!!! >>AISLE<< {A trio of nondescript men dressed in drab clothing file down the aisle, dragging and pushing an old wooden cart adorned with straw and pumpkins, in the center of which is a stake and crossbar upon which the Scarecrow hangs from, convincingly immobile until they reach the ringside -- at which point he 'animates', hopping off the bar and stepping into the ring with deliberated slowness. As he enters the ring, Steve the Insane climbs the corner steps, and he bounces fists with Joe.} [Escobar]: One must say, Joe Walker has the heart of lion, but that may not be enough tonight -- Robbie Stevens alone is a challenge, if only for his wealth of dirty tricks and co-perpetrators-- [Swayze]: Hey, Justino, what's with all the riders and clarifications! This isn't a courtroom -- just say he can't beat Robbie, and leave it at that! [Escobar]: --but to even reach Robbie Stevens and that Television title match, he has to endure this newcomer Dominic Nightshade ... whose reckless, sadistic nature we've already been subjected to over the past few weeks. {Dominic opens with a kick to the midsection, but Joe blocks the kick and counters with a punch to the jaw. He whips Nightshade to the ropes; Dominic ducks a second punch, and scoops him up for a bodyslam.} [Swayze]: You don't need to insult the man, Justino -- he just likes finishing the job he's started, that's all! [Marone]: Yeah ... besides which, he might hear you and come up here. {Nightshade stomps at the mat, but Joe rolls aside, then legsweeps him off his feet. Walker rolls to his knees, and applies a shoulder claw.} [Escobar]: Joe Walker chooses to slow the pace of the match for the moment ... really, there seems to be no end to the gall of Robbie Stevens. He wins the title to begin with from one of his own men -- not the most threatening match of his career, I should say -- and then spends as much time as possible making excuses and otherwise slipping out of actually defending it ... [Swayze]: What? Didn't you hear the man? Nobody WANTS him to defend it, Escobo! {Dominic exerts himself to return to his feet, then breaks the hold with a kick below the belt.} [Swayze]: This was a clear-cut case of collusion, bay-bee -- every so-called man in the AWI so fears the Wicked Awesome, they all agreed not to sign against him, so they could BLACKBALL him into getting stripped of the title! {He whips Joe into the corner, then smashes his head into the turnbuckle.} [Swayze]: The fans are just lucky that Clueless Joe here has been smacked on the head so many times ... like that ... that he couldn't remember why he shouldn't break the picket line. Now he's in for THREE beatings -- one from Dominic here, one from the Most Feared Foot in Wrestling, and one from the AWI lockers for busting up their little scheme! {He attempts to scoop Joe up for another bodyslam, but Joe blocks the lift and proceeds to bodyslam Dominic.} [Escobar]: I think you may be underselling Joe Walker's skills, both in and out of the arena-- and maybe so has the Scarecrow! [Marone]: Well, that wouldn--hey, wait a minute ... look over there! {The camera cuts to Marone's pointing, where a man sits, watching the match intently about 4 rows back ...} [Escobar]: One of the many fine AWI fans enjoying this well-contested match ... so? [Marone]: That's no fan! I know that guy! [Swayze]: Oh, great -- now he's flippin' out on us, Justino ... [Marone]: I'm tellin' you, I was tusslin' with that guy not too long ago! What the heck is he doing here! [Escobar]: Apparently just watching ... I think you may be mistaken, Mike. [Marone]: {grumbling} waxed me something good, I'm tellin' you ... {Joe follows the slam with an axe kick, then pulls Dominic back to his feet. He throws a body blow, followed by a backspin elbow shot; he then whips Nightshade into the ropes. Joe throws another punch which Dominic ducks, but Walker quickly spins around and clotheslines him as he's rebounding off the near ropes, sending him over the top.} [Escobar]: Walker now unloading a strong combination ... Dominic seems to have second guess--WHOA! Scarecrow over the top rope, and looking none too happy about it! [Swayze]: Of course he is! You can't just knock someone out of the ring like that -- it's against the rules! [Marone]: It is? You're making that up ... [Escobar]: Well, it is technically bending the letter of the rulebook -- but Dominic Nightshade is hardly one to be complaining in that regard ... [Swayze]: Hey, since when has Dominic ever bent the rules? [Marone]: What day is it? {Nightshade slides underneath the ring apron as Joe roars to the crowd for a bit; Walker climbs out of the ring and hops off the apron, as Dominic reappears, carrying a board which he does his best to break over Joe's head.} [Escobar]: Dominic's back -- and he's got ... it looks like an old wooden board, maybe from a collapsed barn or something ... [Swayze]: BAM! He just used it to collapse Joe there to match! [Marone]: I'm guessing this is bending the letter of the rulebook, too. {Dominic picks up the fallen Joe, and scoops him up to drop backfirst on the ringside railing.} [Marone]: It's also bending a few bones ... [Swayze]: You said it! NOW we've got a MATCH, bay-bee! {He then drags Joe over to the ring corner, bends him down, and powerbombs him onto the ring steps.} [Escobar]: What we have is another example of the Scarecrow's excesses in brutality -- he obviously wants to make an example of Joe Walker, as he did Frederick Holland last week! {Dominic rolls Joe back into the ring, and follows after; dragging Joe back to his feet, he knocks Walker back down with a shortarm clothesline.} [Escobar]: Dominic Nightshade finally seems satisfied with his atrocity quotient for the moment, returning to more reasonable tactics ... [Swayze]: "For the moment" -- so much hope in so few words ... [Marone]: Such as, "Chad's talking, for the moment" ... hey, yeah, it really works! 'Cuz like, you'll STOP talking eventually, right? [Swayze]: Can you go back in time and have your mom drop you on your head a few more times? I think she may have missed a few brain cells. [Marone]: Hey, leave my ma out of this! [Escobar]: I can imagine how offended she might be. [Marone]: Oh, it's not that--she thinks I'm in banking or something, and her friends might watch the show. {Dominic pulls up Joe again, and whips him to the ropes. Joe returns with a backspin punch that knocks Nightshade down, the effort of which also drops Joe to his knees, clutching his back.} [Swayze]: Hey, you know, Joe ought to thank Dominic -- he's increasing his resale value. [Escobar]: Chad, you are making NO sense this time-- {By the time Joe gets back to his feet, Dominic is up again; Joe rectifies that situation with a crescent kick.} [Swayze]: No, no, follow me here -- see, by the time this match is over, Joe can dump his spring water contract and step up to promoting Doan's pills! {Joe takes a brief rest, letting Dominic return to his feet again, then whips him to the ropes; Nightshade leapfrogs a back drop attempt, spins Joe around, and scoops him over into a powerslam.} [Escobar]: BIG reversal by Scarecrow, and Joe looks severely drained ... [Swayze]: Yeah, he's running on empty, bay-bee ... I'd have said, "running on fumes", only I don't want to ruin his chances to do Right Guard commercials, too. {He stands back to his feet, pulling Joe up with him, then hoists Joe into a delayed piledriver.} [Escobar]: Please, Chad, at least *pretend* to have a sense of decency ... [Marone]: It's like smell, only harder. {Dominic pulls Joe back up by his hair, then whips him into the ropes; as Joe returns, he catches Dominic and passes on his momentum with an irish whip of his own. Dominic rebounds, and Joe scoops him up for a tilt-a-whirl inverted atomic drop.} [Escobar]: Ola! Joe Walker with a tilt-a-whirl surprise for the Scarecrow! [Marone]: WOOHOO! I love that move! It's like that ride at the amusement park ... what's it called ... [Escobar]: Uh, the tilt-a-- [Marone]: Yeah, that's it! The merry-go-round! MERRY GO ROUND HIM AGAIN, JOE! {Mike's due for disappointment, as Joe instead opts to lock on a shoulder claw/armbar combination. Dominic drags himself over to the ropes, and the referee calls for a break. Both men return to their feet; Joe unloads with a thrust kick that knocks Dominic over the top rope.} [Escobar]: Curtis Keyes keeping things legal-- and THERE GOES THE SCARECROW! [Swayze]: GEEZ! Is this guy dain-bramaged or WHAT? Last time he put Nightshade out of the ring, the Halloween Man there just about put the palooka out of this mortal coil, baby! (*pause*) Not that I'm complaining ... this is one rerun I can watch again. {Joe slides under the ropes and out of the ring, stalking after Dominic. He grabs Nightshade and whips him into the pumpkin cart.} [Escobar]: I think Joe is set on rewriting the script this time, Chad ... [Swayze]: CHANGE THE CHANNELS, QUICK! I can't watch! {Joe moves in, scooping up Dominic for a pumphandle slam onto the cart -- bad for Nightshade, worse for the pumpkins.} [Escobar]: ... and the Scarecrow gets a little taste of his own medicine tonight! [Swayze]: I think I'm gonna be sick. [Marone]: Not on this side of the table, man! Head to the locker rooms or something. {Joe drags up Nightshade and rolls him into the ring, and slides in again himself. As Dominic gets up, Joe whips him into the ropes, and catches him with another tilt-a-whirl inverted atomic drop.} [Marone]: Man, I feel like a kid again watching this ... {Joe doesn't hesitate, pulling Dominic up quickly, then felling him with a heart punch. He then makes a cover.} [Escobar]: Walker delivers a potential finishing blow, and makes the cover ... one! Two! THREE!!! Nightshade JUST missed getting his shoulder up on that one ... but Walker escapes, to meet his destiny in the main event! [Swayze]: You'd think the yellowback would shake hands with Nightshade after the match, but nooooo -- run to the locker rooms, Jittery Joe! [Marone]: You don't suppose it could have anything to do with "I'll use your head for a Joe-o-Lantern", do you? ================================================================= {The screen cuts to an image of a pair of crash-test dummies fitted with tights in a mock-wrestling ring; they are driven together by motorized pistons, colliding in the center of the ring with a CGI explosion that fades to reveal the "GM" logo in the background, with the words "General Motors CRASH TEST!" superimposed over it ... it then splits apart, opening like doors to show slow motion footage of Dominic Nightshade hitting Joe with an on-the-railing backbreaker.} [Escobar]: Whatever the case, both of these two men have become part of this week's General Motors Crash Test! Dominic Nightshade did his best to make tonight a virtual horrorshow for Joe Walker with brutal moves like this ... {"Pixel fades" to a slow-motion scene of Joe Walker scoring with the heart punch.} [Escobar]: ... but Joe Walker dished out as much as he took, and walked away a winner. That's damage! That's impact! That's the General Motors Crash Test! And the kind folks at General Motors would like to remind everyone watching, that seat belts save lives, so buckle up! ================================================================= >>PRESS TABLE<< [Escobar] While Nightshade heads to the back to ponder his next creepy display, and Walker prepares to face the Television champion, Rod Allen is ready to bring us something a bit less unsettling, after these messages ... ================================================================= {The full moon shines down on a graveyard scene, through which the camera sinks to ground level. The sounds of a digging shovel can be heard, and soon we see its source: an old fashioned undertaker or sexton, dressed in battered top hat and tails, with unhealthy pale skin and a frazzled shadow of a beard. He's apparently digging a fresh grave. He begins to speak to the camera in a broken pitched voice.} [Sexton] Big night's coming up fast ... time catches up with us all, you see, and these here 'superstars' are no exception. {He begins walking along a line of open graves, and the camera again cuts close to the ground, allowing us to read the names inscribed on them as he says them.} [Sexton]: the "Wrestling Expert" Ed Carr ... the "War Machine" Greg Gardner ... the Master of the Northern Lights Suplex, Maurice Jackson ... good Reverend Jeremiah James ... Jayson "Fury" Michaels, of Intensity ... the "Scarecrow", Dominic Nightshade -- I do like that boy ... Oracle ... Robbie Stevens ... {The camera pulls back up to show even more graves left open.} [Sexton] ... and at least eight more of the AWI's favorite sons, all going to step into one ring ... all looking to be the last man left standing, and score the Devil's Deal -- ANY contract he wants to sign his name to, no questions asked. THAT man won't be needing one of my beauties here ... {close up on his eerily grinning face} ... but there's never any shortage of replacements ... {He breaks into rather disturbing laughter, as the camera fades to black, then the logo below "burns" its way into view.} ################################################################# 1 6+ M E N . . . 4 R I N G S . . . 1 S U R V I V O R ################################################################# _ _ __ __ | \ / | |\ |\ /_ \ /__/ Allied Wrestling ||\\ / | | \ || // \/ //_ International |||| /<> | ||\\ || \\__ | _> Presents ||// / _ | || \\|| \__\ \\__ | / / / \ | || \ | /\_// \__\ |/ \/ \| |/ \| \__/ _ _ __ __ __ __ __ __ | \ / | / \ /_ \ / \ / _\ / _\ /_ \ ||\\//|| / /\ \ // \/ / /\ \ || \\ || \\ // \/ || \/ || ||__|| || ||__|| ||_// ||_// ||_ || || | __ | || | __ | | _{ | _{ | _> || || || || || || || || \\ || \\ || || || || || \\_/\ || || ||_// || \\ \\_/\ \/ \/ \/ \/ \__/ \/ \/ \__/ \/ |/ \__/ ################################################################# W H O W I L L S T E A L T H E D E V I L ' S D E A L ? ----------------------------------------------------------------- O C T O B E R 3 0 B O S T O N, M A ################################################################# [Rod Allen] Ladies and gentlemen ... it's time, once again, for this week's edition of STRAITE TALK!!! Your special /GUEST/ host ... "THE AWESOME ONE" KERRY MASTERS!!! {The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones "Rascal King" plays for about three seconds, then comes to a scratching halt as "Gett Off" by Prince and the N.P.G. keys up the arrival of "The Awesome One" Kerry Masters ... the crowd stops for a minute at the halt, then begins again with the cheers ... TAOKM has on an Orlando Magic jogging suit as he makes his way to the set.} [Swayze]: Kerry Masters AND Straite Talk? Oh, no -- they've INCORPORATED! It's a windbag CO-OP! This could be the end of televised wrestling! [Kerry Masters] Thank you ... thank you ... and welcome to Straite Talk ... Jerry's been nice enough to lend me his show, since I have a helluvalot to talk about this week, and most of it doesn't concern me -- because, of course, I would never, EVER rant on and on about myself -- so, without further ado ... [Swayze]: You'll quit! Wonderful! {A brief bit of "The Ballad of Dorothy Parker" by Prince begins playing} [Swayze]: I should BE so lucky ... [Escobar]: Hush, Chad. [Kerry Masters] Off the bat, everyone's talking about Steve and Angela ... and how Perfection's playing the mind games, and the accusations ... and how Angela's a who-- ummm ... "gets around" ... blah blah blah. Steve, quick piece of advice: Angela /IS/becoming a weakness for ya, my man. You're falling for the mind games. The whole scene with Chad Swayze last week proved it. You know you could get fined -- or worse, or fired -- for that... and still might! Now ... I don't know Angie that well ... and maybe there's as much of a devil in her as there is an angel ... but Steve, unless there was some grain of truth to what they're saying, who cares about what Chad, Kim, Jill, or anyone else says!?! Take it from someone that regularly played the mind games -- don't fall for this one. [Swayze]: Yeah, yeah, yeah -- he's just trying to throw up a smokescreen so Angela doesn't get caught with HIM ... [Marone]: Man, you really DON'T remember last week, do you? [Kerry Masters] What else am I missing ... oh, yeah ... the many tortures of Ed Carr. Ed has got to be the most tortured man in the AWI. I mean ... {reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bag. He digs into the bag, and pulls out a bundle of walnuts hanging from a string} he has Dave Hatfield coming out, and making an ass out of himself in an effort to embarrass Ed {takes one side of the bundle in his left hand}, and he has Robbie Stevens trying to discredit him as a wrestler and as a man {drops the string and grabs the other side of the bundle}. Or, to put it in a way that uses my visual aid, he has Dave pulling on the left nut {pulls on the left side}, and Robbie pulling on the right nut {pulls on the right side}. Well ... noone knows this ... but me and Ed go back ... when I was starting out in Florida, he helped me get my interviewing together ... so you can kinda say he helped me learn how to talk. {Looks at his watch} It's obvious he never got around to teaching me how to stop ... but you did help out a youngster back then ... so, anytime you need someone to help you when "Captain Redneck" Dave Hatfield or Team Stevens start pulling too hard, I've got your back. [Swayze]: That's good -- after the Tank powdered HIS, he needs a replacement back. [Kerry Masters] And speaking of the Peanut Gallery ... I have to say ... you guys did a pretty good job last week. That makes, what... two weeks in a row I came out and did the incredible, and two weeks in a row the Peanut Gallery come out to jump me. Well ... Jump me once, shame on you. Jump me twice, shame on me. Jump me three time ... no. Not happening. I'm not that stupid. It's not like there's a lot left for me to do to prove that I'm your better. The Tank tapped out... oh, and Bradley -- DID IT HURT... and as far as Joey goes... well, you say I'm jealous because I just can't dress as well as you do... and, hey maybe you do. But you know ... during the times when it REALLY matters ... {A bit of "Darlin' Nikki" by Prince and The Revolution plays, and TAOKM takes off the jogging suit top in a bit of a striptease and a cheer from the women in the audience} I'm told I look better without the clothes than with. [Swayze]: Spare us, God, please, spare us ... [Marone]: You know, Chad, somehow I don't think that was aimed at you, anyways. [Kerry Masters] So, there seems to be only one thing left, right? Why don't we hook up in a situation where you CAN'T jump me ... in a tag team match. I'm callin' you out ... Danse Macabre ... the Tank ... Smilin' Joey ... The Epitome Of What Everyone Wants to Be ... oh ... and the only guy around that could deal with listening to me for this long ... for the North American Tag Titles ... and who would my partner be ... The one ... the only ... the REAL LIVING LEGEND OF THE AWI ... AND /YOUR/ NORTH AMERICAN HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ... JERRY STRAITE!!!! {Straite breaks through the curtains as "Rascal King" kicks up again, and plays to the crowd as he makes his way to the ring. He rolls in and catches the mic that Masters tossed to him.} [JS] {moving around quickly as he talks} AwwRIGGGHHHHTTTT!!!! Yes, ladies and gennlemen ... the Awesome One has called upon the services of the one and only Straite-Man of the AWI to deal with that pile of pubescent pride, that gaggle of grinning geeks, that flock {stops walking and shakes his head} no, let's not go there ...{starts moving again} that swarm of screw-ups that goes by the name of Team Stevens. And of course, I *am* the perfect man to handle those yahoos ... {leans into the camera} HEY ROBBIE, THE STRAP MARKS HEAL YET? Now, there's only one thing you gotta ask yourself ... when Jerry Straite and Kerry Masters get a hold of those North American Tag Team titles ... can anyone's interview time be safe?!??!? The answer is pretty damn obvious ... Tank ... Joey ... Robbie ... come Danse Macabre, you boys are going to be saying bye-bye to those title belts-- [Voice over the PA] ALL RIGHT ALREADY! WILL YOU SHUT UP! {The crowd boos as Robbie Stevens walks from behind the curtain with Tori Johannsen on a chain and starts walking down to ringside. Unfortunately, he's got a live mic ...} [Robbie] I took Tori on a walk 45 minutes ago ... about the time you two windbags started talking. Now I come back into the building and you're *STILL* talking! Hey! We've got a show to run here. We've got commercials to run. And more importantly, Joe Walker and I have a match tonight and I'm not about to let you two use up all the TV time so I can't defend the title! {turns to a fan razzing him} Hey, keep America beautiful, don't reproduce! (to the ring) All these fans are sick of you. You've been given the gong and how the hook's coming to make you two exit stage right immediately. Now, I'm going to personally throw the both of you out of my ring just like Roadhouse would toss you out of the Double Deuce on a Friday night ... [Escobar]: I don't believe this disp--LOOK OUT! {Just as Straite seems fed up and ready to charge, Kerry turns, apparently suspicious of something, as a pair of men charge into the ring, one of them pausing to drop a bag in the corner ...} [Escobar]: Agony & Ecstasy from behind with steel chairs! Tank's tossed Jerry out of the ring, even as Kerry gets off a thrust kick to stagger Joey Hasegawa back ... but now he's facing both members of A&E, and unarmed -- and Bradley DRILLS him with that chair! This is a disgrace! This is sickening! [Swayze]: This is my cue--{thump} {The camera zooms to outside the ring, where Robbie and Tori have Jerry wrapped up in Tori's "control chain" ... Swayze tosses Robbie something, while the camera cuts back to the ring ... Tank finishes a powerbomb on Kerry onto the chair, then Joey picks him up and delivers an inverted atomic drop; the two then set Kerry up top.} [Escobar]: What did he -- those were HANDCUFFS! Robbie's SHACKLING Jerry to the safety railing! And Agony & Ecstasy are DEMOLISHING the Awesome One in the ring! This can't be happening ... somebody has to stop this! [Swayze]: Sorry, muchacho, but I don't see it happenin' ... wrestlers tend to be 'locked in' to their pre-match preparations, y'know? {snicker} [Escobar]: Just what are you -- you know exactly what's going on, don't you? [Swayze]: Who, me? Nada, Escobo -- I'm just a humble chronicler of the ages -- by the way, you don't want to miss the super inverted drop coming up ... {In fact, a super inverted atomic drop is delivered.} [Escobar]: This is ... Steve, Joe, Ed -- SOMEBODY needs to stop this! [Marone]: I'm TRYING, I'm TRYING! We got too many people in front of us! {Joey heads to the opposite corner, "warms up" his posterior against the turnbuckle, then nails Kerry (who has nowhere to go, being held in the corner by Tank) with a handspring hip-check, then parades in an arrogant catwalk strut.} [Swayze]: You two are going bye-bye on us, man! Keep the focus: we have a /show/ to do! Here, I'll take the play-by- play ... Joey now to the opposite corner, where he gives the ladies the kind of show a loser like Kerry only dreams about ... he psychs himself up, the approach -- {gasp} a perfect handspring -- and the Booty Call! A true work of art, in devastating physical perfection! This calls for a victory dance, and the Fashion Plate delivers that as well! [Escobar]: Don't quit your day job-- and stop making a mockery of this -- this is ... Joey now into that bag ... he's putting a -- he's putting a fright wig and clown nose on Masters! This is just too fa--HERE COMES THE CAVALRY!! {The "cavalry" consists of Steve the Insane and Joe Walker, carrying heavy bolt cutters, and scattering Robbie and Tori over the rail ... they're followed right behind by the Honor Guard and Karl von Eichmann ... by the time the fivesome hits the ring, Kien Lun, Jack Robertson, and Ed Carr are running down the aisle as well.} [Escobar]: Team Stevens heads for the hills, every man or Viking-maiden for themselves, as Kerry's motionless in the ring ... Looking for a Fight putting those bolt-cutters to use -- a second time, I suspect --while the others check on Masters's condition ... [Swayze]: "Even autumn's orange-fiery beauty falls to earth, and the blazing sun e'er heeds the nightly call ..." Great mash-note stuff, but it also means we can't see Kerry get beat up forever, I guess. [Escobar]: You're as bad as the rest of them ... I wish we had something more uplifting to take you, ladies and gentlemen, but we're going to Paul Stone, who's apparently caught up with our mystery men from earlier ... ================================================================= {A shaky camera view opens up on a dim hallway somewhere in the Arena ... the two "Grey Guardians" from earlier are in front of it, one standing impassionately in the back, the other pacing anxiously in front of him ... as the camera zooms in and out a bit wildly, the pair's attire is more closely visible: the pacing one wears tattered blue jeans and an Ed Carr Wrestling Academy t-shirt, while his partner wears workout pants and a black t-shirt with a red circle & slash over the left breast ... a voice familiar as Paul Stone's can be heard off screen ...} [Stone]: Uh, is this what you guys wanted? [Pacing Guardian] Yeah, man -- you just keep that camera STEADY, and listen to what we have to say!!! [Stone]: Whatever you want--just don't hang yourselves or hit me with a pumpkin or anything, OK? [Pacing Guardian] Huh? Hey, SHUT UP AND LET US TALK!!! Man, does that sound familiar ... I'm so sick'a'people tellin' ME that ... "bring that camera here" or "put that camera down" or "get outta my face with that camera" or "where do you think YOU'RE going" ... and all because I'm tryin' to do a simple stinkin' JOB! {The "guardian" rips off the mask, revealing his face, not surprisingly, as Charlie Hazard ...} [Hazard] CAN YOU SEE THIS, MR. CARR?!? Just because you stopped "teachin'" me, DROPPED me like some sorta SNAKE or BUG or somethin', doesn't mean I can't still learn from you ... pretty neat TRICK! I did good, right? RIGHT?! [Stone]: Hey, fooled me ... [Hazard] SHUT UP! You're a CAMERA JOCKEY now, big-mouth! That means you ain't even a PERSON anymore -- ask any one of these big, bad wrestler guys! I know a lot about bein' a nobody, too! Wasn't too long ago, I was scrabblin' around in the gutter for my next meal ... I'd lost everything ... EVERYTHING, MAN! Y'UNNERSTAND?! [Stone]: Uh, everything, got it. [Hazard] WHY DO YOU KEEP INTERRUPTING ME?!?! So there I am, no job, no home, no family, NOTHIN'--and Mr. Carr comes along, gives me somethin' I ain't had in a long time -- a reason to live ... I woulda done anything for him, man -- YA HEAR, MR. CARR?! I'D'A TAKEN A BULLET FOR YA!!! I'm bustin' my butt for him, breakin' people's heads, breakin' my bones, me 'n' my friend are doin' his dirty work ... 'n' all of a sudden, it's "You're on your own, pal, I got other things" ... I DIDN'T HAVE NO OTHER THINGS, MR. CARR!! ALL I HAD WAS THE GUTTER!!! WHERE WAS _I_ SUPPOSED TO GO?!? But I FOUND a place to go ... I told 'em over here, I'd do anything-- hit me with chairs, put me through tables, pour gas on me and light me up, I'm your man ... but they didn't want me in the ring ... they said they needed a camera dude ... 'n' I said, "hey, I'M a camera dude." I thought it was gonna be GREAT ... I'd finally found somewhere where I could just do my job and not have to worry about somebody else ... but people kept YELLIN' at me, PUSHIN' ME AROUND, ACTIN' LIKE I WASN'T EVEN THERE!!! THAT'S when YOU guys came along, CHAOS BROTHERS!!! THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW!!! You expect people to like you, but YOU TREATED ME LIKE DIRT! Well, I DON'T CARE what the AWI wants anymore ... I don't care what YOU WANT!! I'm gonna FIND a way to get past those guys in the suits, to get in the ring, and MAKE YOU PAY! You think I'd just stand and watch jokers like those Dyno-dudes get cheers while all I got was pushed around? NO WAY! We HURT 'em! And me and my friend, we're gonna hurt you bad, the way Mr. Carr hurt me, the way YOU hurt me, the way all those fans who laughed at me and cheered you hurt me ... OR I'M GONNA DIE TRYIN'! ================================================================= >>RING<< [Marone]: That man needs a hug. [Escobar]: He needs more than that -- he needs long-term psychological care! [Marone]: OK, make it a bear hug. [Swayze]: Well, don't look now, but his favorite wrestler in the whoooole wide world's headed to ringside ... and pretty soon, that wrestler's gonna be suplexed into next week's show! [Rod Allen] Ladies and gentlemen ... your next contest is set for one fall, with a time limit of ten minutes ... introducing first, from the city of Jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania, weighing in at two hundred and sixteen pounds ... the Wrestling Expert ... ED CARR!!! >>AISLE<< {"I'm No Angel" by Gregg Allmann cues up on the speakers, and Ed Carr walks down the aisle, accompanied by "Dragonfire" Kien Lun.} [Rod Allen] And his opponent tonight ... weighing in at two hundred and forty pounds ... the Master of the Northern Lights Suplex ... MAURICE JACKSON!!! [Escobar]: This should be an interesting match tonight -- both Ed Carr and Maurice Jackson are proven scientific wrestlers, and certainly neither one of them will be holding back tonight. {Maurice Jackson calls for a test of strength, which Ed Carr accepts. Maurice gets the advantage, and twists Ed into an armbar takedown. He quickly releases it, only to grab Carr with a front facelock.} [Escobar]: Maurice Jackson gains the early advantage in this contest -- as I was saying, Jackson's mix of technical skill and surprising strength could prove an interesting obstacle for the Wrestling Expert. [Swayze]: You're right, Justino, Mo-Jack here would be a hard fight for even a real wrestling expert -- but he's not facing Robbie tonight, he's facing Ed Carr. I give this match 5 minutes. {Shuffling sounds begin, and the camera quickly switches back to the announce booth for a moment, as "Mastermind" Alliyah Johnston has joined the team.} [Johnston]: I think you discredit Ed Carr greatly in your analysis, Chad. As Mr. Stevens has noted many times, the front facelock is one of few moves Ed Carr is a veritable master of ... no doubt he will not be a victim of it. [Escobar] Ahh, fans, it would appear we've been joined here by "The Mastermind" Alliyah Johnston ... to what do we owe this pleasure? [Johnston] As always, Justin ... staying three steps ahead of the competition ... [Swayze]: {muttering} OK, six minutes. {Carr finally frees himself, putting Jackson in a front facelock of his own. He pulls Jackson to his feet, then releases the hold to move behind for a hammerlock. Cinching this, he adds a crossface hold.} [Escobar]: Ed Carr measures his pace here, keeping Jackson immobilized ... [Johnston] And proving Mr. Bonham's claim that the facelock is the only hold Carr is proficient in ... {Maurice breaks free, and Ed knocks him down with a drop kick. He then locks on an Indian deathlock; he adds a front facelock to this combination. Maurice reaches the ropes, and the referee calls for the break; Ed releases the hold, then maneuvers behind Maurice for a hammerlock.} [Escobar]: Ed continues to keep Maurice off-balance -- and catches him with a brutal leglock/facelock combo! [Swayze]: It /would/ be brutal, Justino, if he wasn't so close to the ropes. [Johnston]: Yes ... Ed is disproving the statements made of his lack of wrestling technique ... but he does lack the ring generalship needed to keep Maurice apart from the ropes. [Escobar]: Referee Tom Newman indeed enforcing the break ... {Maurice shakes off the hammerlock, makes a go-behind of his own, and puts Ed in a hammerlock. Ed elbows his way out, then delivers a forearm smash to knock Maurice back. He whips Jackson to the ropes, but Jackson gets the jump on him with a side kick on the return, then DDTs him. He locks an armbar on the mat.} [Escobar]: Carr with another hold, but Jackson quickly out ... and returns the 'favor' to the Wrestling Expert! [Johnston] Now, as opposed to Ed, who does possess rudimentary mat technique, Maurice is proving to be the "Wrestling Expert" in this match! [Escobar]: Jackson into the ropes now--NO! Maurice stuns Ed with a side kick -- and a DDT! {Ed breaks out; Maurice pulls him up, whips him to the ropes, and dropkicks him on the rebound. He pulls Ed to his feet again, and squats slightly for a front waistlock, but Ed grabs his head and DDTs him.} [Escobar]: Ed favoring his arm as he escapes, and Maurice exploits the opportunity to whip him into the ropes-- dropkick ... now they lock up again -- but Ed with a DDT of his own! {Both men get back to their feet; Ed whips Maurice to the ropes, and nails a knee lift on the rebound that sends Maurice spinning over to the mat. Ed climbs the turnbuckle, and falls back with a rear elbow drop ... and then pats himself on the back.} [Escobar]: Ed is now fully on the offensive! He's going up top ... fallaway elbow! Heh--and a little self-encouragement, or maybe a nod to other organizations? [Johnston] Maurice Jackson is far too dangerous an opponent for Ed Carr to take so lightly ... analysts may treat Ed Carr as a "veteran", but he's showing his mere five years in the sport now. {He grabs Maurice by the leg, and spins into a figure 4 leglock.} [Escobar]: Ed going for broke -- he's got it on! He's got the figure-four on! {Jackson gets a grip on the ropes, and Ed breaks the hold. Standing up, he stomps at Maurice, but Maurice manages to get to one knee and pull down Ed with a single-leg takedown. Ed kicks Maurice away while lying down, then stands up and locks Jackson into a bearhug.} [Escobar]: Maurice might've dodged a bullet on that one, as the referee breaks things up ... Ed moving in again, but Jackson with a takedown ... Carr not letting up, however. {Maurice grabs Ed around the arms, and flexes backwards, sending Carr into a vertical belly to belly suplex. He rests for a moment on the mat, then picks up Ed and smacks him with a headbutt, before whipping him into the ropes for a dropkick on the rebound. Jackson then locks on an armbar.} [Escobar]: FANTASTICO counter by Jackson! [Johnston]: Again ... Ed Carr showing a disappointing lack of strategy ... [Swayze]: Speak for yourself, bay-bee -- no disappointment in THIS seat ... [Johnston]: {ignoring him} Maurice Jackson specializes in maneuvers stemming from any sort of waistlock, so Ed is foolish to invite Jackson into a waistlock... [Escobar]: And Jackson with another dropkick ... and takes things to the mat once more. {Ed breaks out, and both men return to their feet. Maurice gestures for another test of strength; Ed Carr tentatively reaches up to accept it, but at the last moment darts behind, and locks a sleephold on Maurice.} [Escobar]: Hehheh ... Carr not ready to walk into the lion's den twice without a plan, obviously. {Maurice elbows out, then throws a side kick to the midsection; he grabs Ed's head while he's stunned, and drops him with a diamond cutter. He then locks on a grounded half nelson; he twists Ed to one side, before slipping his other arm around to cinch the full nelson.} [Marone]: Ow -- my jaw hurts just watching that ... [Escobar]: Jackson's all business, slapping on a half-nelson ... into a full ... {Maurice lifts Ed to his feet in the hold; Ed throws a rear kick between the legs to break the hold, and attempts an irish whip, but Maurice recovers quickly enough to reverse the whip, sending Ed crashing into the corner. He hoists Ed into a fireman's carry, then drops him ribs-first on one knee. Picking him up again, Jackson whips Ed into the opposite turnbuckle.} [Swayze]: Just look at this cold, calculated dominance, Justino ... one step at a time, taking Ed apart piece by piece, no mercy and no prisoners ... he's like a 50% reduction copy of Tank ... [Johnston] At the risk of offending, Chad, I'd say that Mr. NLS is a more streamlined version of Tank Bradley. NLS may not be able to tombstone War Machine from the top rope -- MAY not -- but he brings an aerial and technical aspect to the table that Tank hasn't developed ... YET. [Swayze]: Sister, when the Tank needs to bring something else to the table, he'll BREAK the table. {Maurice charges into the corner after Ed, who ducks aside; Jackson hits the turnbuckle, but shakes it off, and kicks Ed. As Ed is recovering, Maurice grabs him around the arms, steps one leg over the bottom rope to lock behind his other leg, and snaps into a northern lights suplex.} [Escobar]: The Master of the Northern Lights Suplex delivers on his name -- but, not to his credit, adds an unfair anchorpoint to this pinfall predicament! Newman doesn't appear to see it, and makes the count anyhow-- One! two! Thre-- no! Kien Lun forces Maurice off the ropes, and Ed Carr makes the kickout! [Swayze]: Now THAT'S unfair! It's one thing to bring out his fanboys against the #1 man -- but Maurice doesn't have anyone there to help HIM, huh? [Johnston]: You are quite correct, Chad ... Kien Lun isn't a licensed manager ... and it is time this situation was corrected. {Sounds of shuffling as Alliyah leaves the table.} {Both men return to their feet; Ed charges Maurice with a running kneelift, as the referee jaws with Johnston, then calls Kien Lun over ... a rather heated exchange takes place ...} [Escobar]: I see NOTHING wrong with Lun breaking up such an obviously illegal pinfall-- Ed Carr with a big takedown! Now he's taking this match to a new level, literally ... [Marone]: That would be the ground level. [Swayze]: Oh, you're swift ... the IQ level at this table dropped so far when the Mastermind left, there was a breeze in its wake! [Escobar]: Speaking of the Mastermind, she's apparently managed to convince Tom Newman that Kien Lun is not authorized to be at ringside! Now, how /she/ can be a ringside is beyond me-- [Swayze]: Escobo, THINK about it -- /she/ IS a licensed manager! Dragonfall isn't! End of story! [Escobar]: She's not MAURICE'S manager, though! [Swayze]: You think Jackson'll argue for one little match? {Ed Carr pulls Maurice into the corner and sits him on the top rope; Jackson headbutts him, and pulls him up to stand on the top rope, then throws him off with a super fishermanbuster.} [Escobar]: Maurice recovers the advantage, and--CASTIGO!!! This could be the last call for Ed Carr! [Swayze]: I hope not -- I'd love to see Mo do that a couple MORE times ... think he'd take a check? [Escobar]: Maurice makes the cover ... one ... I DON'T BELIEVE IT! Ed Carr kicks out! {Maurice argues with the referee, then pulls Ed back up to his feet with a disgusted expression, and scoops him up onto one shoulder; Ed spins his legs over Jackson's head and locks them around his arm, levering back into a crucifix roll.} [Escobar]: Jackson can't believe it either--he seems ready to change his opponent to Tom Newman ... Johnston exhorting him not to take his attention from Carr! [Marone]: Couldn't Ed loan HIS license to Kien for this match? [Escobar]: Uh, let me put it this way: would you want to see a member of Team Stevens at all of Robbie's matches? [Marone]: We do anyway. [Escobar]: Touche ... FINALLY, Maurice sets back to work, picking up Ed for a tombsto--no! Ed Carr puts his shoulders to the mat! 1! 2! THR--NO!!! Maurice's foot on the ropes, courtesy of Alliyah Johnston ... but Tom Newman saw it! He's calling for the bell! [Rod Allen] Your winner, as a result of a DISQUALIFICATION ... "THE WRESTLING EXPERT" ... EEEEED CARRRR!!!!!! [Escobar]: And--OH COME ON--Maurice Jackson with a german suplex to take Ed out from behind! He's not finished ... he's taking him to the top rope ... Johnston's waving him off, but he's not paying attention--I think he's going to try a super northern lights! BUT HERE COMES KIEN LUN AND JACK ROBERTSON!! Maurice and Alliyah both out of there, but I think Ed Carr wishes this win had come easier! [Swayze]: When you're as big a dope as the Edster, you take 'em however they come -- and this one came CHEAP! I'll bet he still has coupons for it! ================================================================= WHEN WE RETURN: Joe goes for 2! COMMERCIAL BREAK: Staying at a Holiday Inn Express won't make you smarter, but you'll feel like it ... The horror! The terror! Jennifer Hewitt doing karaoke! I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER ... ================================================================= {Open in the locker rooms, with Toshiaki Hasegawa.} [Hasegawa] Did you /REALLY/ think we were gonna let you take up that much TV time, Masters? Bribing your way to a victory over my man Tank was bad enough ... but if you think I was gonna let you grab the spotlight again ... a spotlight that belongs to Joey Hasegawa and the rest of Team Stevens ... you were outta your mind. Now, you wanna know what's up with the clown suit, right? Well, it's simple - kinda like you Masters. See, you're nothing but a joke around here. All your little catchphrases, all the "cool" names for the moves, the grand entrance -- you're just a sideshow attraction. All style -- {chuckling} well, as close to style as you can get -- and no substance. I know I know I know -- you're trying to be like Joey Hasegawa ... well, you forget, I combine style /AND/ substance. The AWI already has the real deal Masters -- it doesn't need some sideshow attraction wannabe. Maybe you'll remember your place from now on. {Hasegawa turns to enter the dressing room before pausing and addressing the camera one last time.} Oh, as for you Straite -- nothing personal Gramps; just hobble on off to the Old and Useless Wrestlers home, and you won't get hurt again. ================================================================= >>PRESS TABLE<< [Swayze] Poetry, bay-bee ... {sniff} Sorta gets you ... right here {puts hand over heart} ... [Escobar] I don't think I really need to say that I differ with you ... Toshiaki Hasegawa apparently has had his fill of Kerry Masters -- and yet he may have insured himself more Kerry than he can handle ... [Swayze] Bring it on, bay-bee! Smilin' Joey can Booty Call his weight in posers like Cryin' Kerry! >>RING<< [Rod Allen] Ladies and gentlemen, our next contest is an AWI Television championship bout set for one fall, with a time limit of fifteen minutes ... introducing first, the challenger ... from the city of Denver, Colorado, weighing in at two-hundred and seventy-eight pounds, he is accompanied to the ring tonight by Steve the Insane ... JOE WALKER!!! {The crowd is treated to a reprise of "Gonna Fly Now (Rocky's Theme)" as Joe and Steve make their way down the ringside again.} [Rod Allen] And his opponent tonight, the AWI Television champion ... from East Rutherford, New Jersey, weighing in at two-hundred and fifteen pounds ... ROBBIE STEVENS!!! {The strains of "Burning Down the House" compete with the chorus of boos and other verbal abuse that rain down from the stands, as Robbie comes down to the ring.} [Rod Allen] Your referee for this match is Curtis Keyes. {Joe opens with a windup punch. Robbie goes down, but quickly gets back to his feet, obviously outraged; Joe smacks him with a backspin fist that sends him down again. Joe dashes into the ropes as Robbie gets up, and throws a clothesline, but Robbie ducks and dropkicks Joe from behind. Joe hits the mat facefirst; Robbie begins stomping on his back.} [Escobar]: This is just *vicious* ... Robbie Stevens certainly was watching Joe's match with the "Scarecrow" VERY carefully tonight, and he's ready to capitalize on the damage done before! [Swayze]: You say that like it's a BAD thing, Justino -- this is what geniuses like my main man DO! It's called playing the percentages, baybee! {Robbie drops to one knee, and pulls Joe into a front facelock, which he uses to drag him up to a kneeling position. Joe grabs him around the waist, and picks him up, breaking the hold with an inverted atomic drop.} [Escobar]: Joe Walker out of Robbie's grip for the moment, with a countermove that seems to have taken almost as much out of him as Robbie ... [Swayze]: Yeah, only Robbie's got so much more to START with, Justino! {Joe manages to return to his feet by the time Robbie is back up, and he delivers a hard thrust kick to take Robbie back down. He picks up Robbie and whips him into the ropes, cutting him off with a roundhouse kick to the gut on the rebound. Robbie's stunned for a moment, but he recovers quickly enough to jab Joe in the eyes; he bounces off the ropes again, and dropkicks Joe in the back.} [Swayze]: This is going to be a great night in wrestling history, Justino ... we already knew that Joe Walker was spineless-- [Escobar]: Now, just a minute-- {Robbie delivers an exaggerated elbow drop to the small of the back while Joe is down.} [Swayze]: but after Robbie's done tonight, we can get *medical certification* that he has no backbone! HAHAHAHA! {Robbie grabs Joe in a front facelock, grinding it a couple of times before dragging Joe back to his feet. Joe retaliates with a gut punch that breaks the hold, then turns around to knock down Robbie with a crescent kick. He rests for a moment, bending over slightly and rubbing his back, as Robbie gets back to his feet; closing in, he whips Robbie into the turnbuckle. Joe charges in after him, but Robbie drops to a sitting position, and Joe hits the turnbuckle himself.} {Robbie pushes Joe back slightly, standing up, then adopts an exaggerated karate pose for a long moment before delivering a savate kick.} [Escobar]: I think Robbie's convinced Joe's through-- [Swayze]: He will be after this-- BOOM! HAHA! The Wicked Awesome Superkick takes another victim! The New Jersey Ninja makes another brilliant title defense! {Robbie covers Joe, but the referee breaks off before the count as Joe slides a foot onto the ropes.} [Swayze]: The wrestling fans fake another disappointment, because they know Robbie's too modest that they'd embarrass him with cheers! [Marone]: Admit it -- you aren't even LOOKING at the ring any more ... {Robbie locks Joe into a half nelson hold, pulling him away from the ropes; he then secures it into a cobra clutch.} [Swayze]: I-- what? Oh, *I* see -- my man Robbie must have decided that it'd too *easy* to put Joe down with the Wicked Awesome ... he's gonna make sure the fans actually get to WATCH something no matter HOW fast Joe throws in the towel. What a showman, baybee! [Marone]: Would that be him or you? {Walker manages to leverage Robbie off balance, then slides him up onto one shoulder; he falls forward, pulling Robbie over into a vertical powerslam.} [Escobar]: I think Joe Walker is a LONG way from throwing in the towel tonight, Chad! {Both men get to their feet; Joe scoops up Robbie and slams him down. He follows this with an axe kick, then picks up Stevens and decks him with a backspin punch.} [Escobar]: As he and Steve are so fond of saying, Joe came here tonight looking for a fight -- and he looks more than happy to MAKE one! {Joe whips Robbie into the ropes, and spins him around on the rebound with a tilt-a-whirl inverted atomic drop. He drops to his knees afterwards with a tired expression, then makes a "wear the belt" gesture for the fans.} [Escobar]: CASTIGO! Joe takes Robbie out for a spin, and he seems ready to end this match! [Swayze]: You mean, he IS going to throw in the towel, right? [Marone]: Maaaybe you should turn around for a few minutes. {Joe drags Robbie back to his feet, and bends his arm behind his head in preparation for the heart punch; Robbie manages a knee lift to the groin to save himself.} [Escobar]: Here's the finis-- NADA! Robbie keeps himself in the game with a cheap shot below the belt! [Swayze]: Hey, Escobo, the only belt that counts in THIS match is the one Robbie brought to the ring! {Robbie snares Joe in a front facelock, but Joe punches his way free. He backs up a step, and knocks down Robbie with a windup punch.} [Escobar]: Joe Walker winds up all the way back to Colorado ... and knocks Robbie just about all the way back into New Jersey! {Joe pumps his arms for the crowd a little, then drags Robbie back up, smacking him with a shortarm punch, then scoops him up for a pumphandle slam. He falls back into the turnbuckle to rest while Robbie gets up, then closes back in and whips Robbie into the ropes; as Robbie crosses his path again, he scoops him up, tilt-a-whirls him, then sets him back on his feet -- only to knock him down with a thrust kick.} [Marone]: WHOA! That was GREAT! That's why they always say, nobody does it better! [Swayze]: That's James BOND, furball! {Joe drops to his knees, and locks on an armbar with shoulder claw.} [Marone]: Really? Man, it's so hard to keep up to date with everything. What league is he in? [Swayze]: Couldn't you go do something useful? Like start a self-service bloodmobile? {Robbie breaks free with a poke to the face, and gets up as Joe recoils, rubbing his eyes.} [Escobar]: Robbie again resorts to a flagrant violation of all the rules of sportsmanship to save his skin ... {Joe manages to shake off the daze before Robbie is fully up, and grabs him around the back, lifting him up for a powerbomb that lands headfirst instead.} [Escobar]: ... but Joe seems more hot than hurt -- and he drops Robbie with a Poppabomb! [Swayze]: Oh, and stealing moves IS sportsmanship? {Joe drags Robbie back up, and whips him to the ropes, catching him with another tilt-a-whirl atomic drop. He does a goofy mime of Robbie's characteristic karate pose, then pulls Robbie up and sacks him with a heart punch.} [Escobar]: Joe Walker showing off a little of his own martial arts experience ... and he connects with a solid heart punch! This could be for all the marbles -- ONE! TWO! THREE!!! HE DID IT! WE HAVE A NEW TELEVISION CHAMPION!!! {Joe quickly rolls under the ropes and rendezvouses with Steve outside the ring, grinning like a mad dog ... the eWI reporter rolls in the ring, apparently to get a few close-up shots at Robbie, but gets pushed in the corner for a confrontation before the now ex-champ stalks off, yelling at everybody on the way.} [Swayze]: This is highway robbery! Joe stole this match! He'd never have won honestly! [Escobar]: What ARE you talking about -- where in the match was Joe /dis/honest?!? [Swayze]: Right at the end! Everybody knows a SUPERKICK follows a Jersey Judo Flash, not a heart punch! He lied on national TV! [Escobar]: That-- that's RIDICUL-- uh-oh ... >>AISLE<< {"Big Bad Lady" by the Lady Of Rage cues up, as Madeline Freechild makes her way to ringside to a mixed crowd reaction. She walks directly to the ring, without interacting with the fans. She grabs a microphone on the announcer's desk.} [Madeline Freechild] Two shows ago I came out and started searching all over for whoever this bi-- {ahem} woman ... is that's been coming out and beating people up in my name. Now, I thought it would be pretty easy, since there's not a lot of bodybuilding women in the back. But apparently either she's the quickest chick in the world, or whoever it was did the smart thing and ran off before I got to her. In the meantime, I'm watching the shows, and I see Angela Dante out here saying what she's seeing is "interesting" ... Look, Angie ... I don't know if you're all confused with Perfection talking about you behind your back, and Doug Ambercrombie talking behind your back, or this person or that person ... but I'm not the one for talking behind someone's back ... either me doing it, or someone else doing it. So here's what we'll do ... "Crimson Freechild", or whoever the hell you are ... I'm challenging you to come out next show and face me woman to woman ... and same thing for you, Dante. Anything you, or anyone else have to say, you can say it to my face ... {"Uninvited" by Alanis Morrisette suddenly kicks in over the PA system and the lights dim a bit as spotlights shine onto the doorway of the entrance ramp. Strangely enough, as the music plays no one makes an entrance. As the crowd grows restless after a few seconds of no-show, they suddenly pick up the pace a bit at the sight of some confusion emanating from the crowd itself.} [Swayze]: Loony-time, baybee -- seriously twisted femme at 10 o-clock! {Sure enough the crowd is parting as a lone woman makes her way to the ringside railing. As she steps over the rail we finally get a good look at her. Clad in black jeans, boots, and a sleeveless black T-shirt, she makes her way to the ring and slides in under the bottom rope. Her face is painted with one half black and the other half bright blue. With her hair hanging in her face it's hard to tell who she might be. She waits near the ropes with her hand open as a ringside attendant gives her a mic and scuttles back.} [Woman] Say it to your face? I oughtta slap you in your face! {A low rumble of tension traverses the crowd ... as the camera zooms in, she becomes recognizable as ... Dacia Blackthorne?} [Blackthorne] I don't know what kinda game your playing missy, but you shoulda played it with somebody else. Dacia Blackthorne's had enough of this crap. And, yeah, it'll be interesting to see who this *mystery* woman is next week so you can set her straight. Either way though ... {Dacia leaves the ropes and joins Madeline near the press booth.} ... SOMEBODY's gonna get set straight next week. Cuz if your mystery woman doesn't show, you can bet your bottom dollar I'll be the one setting people straight ... and I don't have *ANY* problem starting with you! [Madeline Freechild] {Climbing into the ring and staring down Dacia} Look here, little woman. I didn't jump you. If you need proof, well ... if the Material Girl jumped you, your Scottish ass would still be in the highlands trying to figure out if there would be only one!!! So if you can't take me for my word ... and you want some next week ... whether the Crimson Freechild comes or not ... you can get a little bit too! {The capacity crowd on hand makes a collective shout of anticipation as the two women stand toe to toe in the center of the ring. Blackthorne takes a step back and pauses for a moment as she looks over Freechild as if sizing her up. After a few moments of uneasy silence, Blackthorne steps up to Freechild.} [Blackthorne] With all of the backstabbing and dealing going on in the back, your word probably isn't worth the breath it would take for you to spit it out. Quite frankly, ya big banshee, I couldn't care less about you or your sorry word! Bottom line is this ... actions speak louder than words. So next week let's hope your evil twin shows her face and you set her straight on your own since it's your image she's ruining. But I give you my word on this. I'll hate to do it but I'll put your ass on the shelf for lying to me if that's what all of this is. Next week Freechild one way or another this is going to be settled. You'd better hope words are all that's needed. If not then my actions won't be as diplomatic as they were this week. {Blackthorne drops the mic and backs up from Freechild until she reaches the ropes. She then drops to her back and slides under the ropes and makes her exit thru the crowd as "Uninvited" marks her exit.} ================================================================= This work copyright © 1998 by Allied Sports Enterprises. Allied Wrestling International is a member of the Summit Wrestling Alliance; permission is given to distribute or rebroadcast AWI footage in cooperation with Summit Wrestling events. "CBS Eye" is a registered trademark of Columbia Broadcasting System, used without permission for purposes of parody; no actual association between the writers and CBS should be inferred. "Promotional" trademarks likewise used without permission or affiliation for purposes of parody. =================================================================