I love Lucy

Hello and welcome to the I love Lucy Show !   (applause)

(AT HOUSE)

Door opens and in walks a man in a business suit

Hi Honey! Im home!!

(APPLAUSE)

From another door walks a seven foot demon, (cloven feet horns the  usual antropromorphic being of evil stuff) wearing a pinney and flowing blond hair.

BE SILENT MORTAL FOR I AM IN NO MOOD FOR YOU TODAY!

Sorry honey its just that I have had such a good day and mister jameson sighed that multi million dollor contract!

YOUR DAY MAY HAVE BEEN A PICNIC BUT MINE WAS FAR FROM CHARITABLE.THE CHOCOLATE MOUSSE THAT WE WERE GONNA HAVE AFTER DINNER HAS RUN AWAY.

Wof woof WOOF, Wof woof WOOF Wof woof WOOF

A small  dog runs upto the man and paws at his body.

Oh hi cerebus how r u 2day then?

HUMPFH ,OK THEN IGNORE ME THEN SEE IF I CARE

Sorry Lucy it's just that  well this dog worries me, I know u said if I married you I we had to keep the dog but

Well I still don't think it is usual for a dog to have three heads.

ALL MY PETS HAD THREE HEADS WELL APART FOR HYDRA...

Well the problem with hydra was that A she was a 30 foot dragon and B had 7 heads.All the animals I have seen have only had one head.

WHEN I DECIDED TO BECOME MRS FUR I CLEARLY SAID THE ANIMALS WOULD STAY WITH US.WHAT IS IT ARE YOU JUST NOT AN ANIMAL PERSON? DO YOU HATE MY PETS OR IS IT THAT YOU HATE ME?

No I don’' hate you or you r pets its just that well they are slightly odd.I’'m sorry i won't mention it again...

Smoke billows in from the kitchen…

OH NO THE SOUFLE!

Both rush into the kitchen…

WAIT A MIN THE FOODS NOT ON FIRE YOU GOT ME WORRIED FOR NOTHING THERE.

Nothing!? Theres a six foot piller of flames in the corner!

OH THAT’S JUST THE PILOT LIGHT FOR THE CENTRAL HEATING.

A pilot light is small that is fucking enormous!

DON’T BE SILLY ITS NOWERE NEAR AS BIG AS THE ONES WE GET BACK HOME.THAT REMINDS ME I NEED TO GET SOME BRIMSTONE.

Brimstone? What on earth for?

IT’LL INVIGORATE YOU SEND A SHIVER DOWN YOU SPINE LIKE NOTHING ELSE!

Oh  yeah I’m sure it will. Not meaning to pry but what is that in the pot there?

OH I WAS MAKING A SHEPERDS PIE,WELL IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SHEPERDS PIE.DID YOU KNOW I COULDN’T GET ANY REAL SHEPERDS MINCE

Um beef u mean?

NO SHEPERD AS IN THE SHEEP HERDER.

Oh you didn’t use sheperds in there?

NO DON’T BE SILLY

Phew that’s ok then I thought you used a real sheperd.hahahaha

HAHAHAHA NO NO WE LIVE IN HAMMERSMITH THERE ISN’T A SHEPERD FOR MILES NEAR HERE.

Er?So you used?

TRAFFIC WARDENS…

Traffic wardens?

YES TRAFFIC WARDENS THEY HERD CARS SO I THOUGHT

I can’t eat traffic wardens

WHY EVER NOT?

Because the last time I ate a traffic warden the hat got stuck in my fillings and I had the shits for a week after that’s why!

God you are so stupid some times

I HEARD THAT !

Sorry

 Lucy starts crying

YOU JUST DON’T APPRECIATE ME ANY MORE.NOTHING I  EVER DO IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!   BOOHOO BOOHOO.

“Bloody incarnations of evil you can’t live with em and you can’t live in sin without em.!”

Show closes to derisions and chants of infidel infidel they’ve all got it in for del!

Thou shall count to four and run through the door