Shadows of the Mind

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Disclaimer: Paramount owns the whole world of Star Trek including my favorite ship and characters. I am just borrowing them and will return them maybe somewhat worse for the wear, but definitely with more experiences. No infringement is intended.

Special thanks to my internet friend Irye who encourages me when I’m sure I can’t get it right. I hope we someday can meet face to face.

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The swirling fog of his thoughts started to clear yet again and he slowly became vaguely aware of this fact. Even more slowly he became conscious of his surroundings and realized that he was still here in this room sitting on the floor in the same corner he was in before. How long ago was before? He couldn’t remember but he felt safe in this corner. Maybe they wouldn’t see him here.

As his thoughts became clearer he looked around and recognized the room, the tables and the other strange equipment occupying the room with him. The lighting was good, but the room was cool and damp. Why was he here and what was all this equipment really for?

The sensations of his body were returning and he felt terrible pain and confusion. He looked down at the unconscious and badly abused woman lying in his arms. Who was she? Why did he feel the compelling need to protect and comfort her? Could this be his wife or his child? He really didn’t know, he just knew he had to take care of her because right now she couldn’t take care of herself.

He gathered the woman’s limp body closer to his own body because he was cold and her body heat helped keep him warm. He gently rested her head on his shoulder so that their body contact would give them both the maximum warmth. This felt strange because he knew he did not normally desire body contact, but right now they both needed the warmth.

They were dressed only in strange red gowns that opened in the front and came down to their knees, but these gowns were thin and not very warm and the room was very cool. With her body held close to his, he finally stopped shivering.

As he adjusted the woman in his arms, her gown opened a little and he could see more evidence of cuts and bruises showing on her body. Her skin was very light so the injuries stood out vividly. Memory continued to return and he remembered the bad gash on the side of her forehead probably meant she had a concussion, and he remembered that her right arm was broken between her wrist and elbow. How did this happen?

Using the power of his mind to feel his own body he realized that he was as cut and bruised as the woman. His head hurt, and with his fingers he could feel several deep blood crusted cuts in that area. Most other parts of his body were very sore, cut and bruised. Was this why his mind was so foggy? No, it wasn’t, but he couldn’t quite remember why. It was something about lights and pain.

He looked at the woman again and tried to remember who she was. He tried to remember who he was and how they both got here. Did they get here together? Why didn’t she wake up? If she would wake up he could ask her who he was.

His mind was starting to clear even more and he realized that it was almost time for the lights. They came on a regular basis, once every day. Apparently his mind was able to measure time because he also realized that he had been here for six days. He and the woman? Yes, they had come together he finally remembered. Maybe that was why he wanted to protect her.

He knew the lights would soon come and he protectively hugged her tighter. But he then realized that he could not protect her, that they would hurt her again like they did before and there was nothing he could do about it. Would they hurt him again too? Fear started to slowly creep into his thoughts.

She started to stir in his arms and moved her head slightly. ‘No, not now,’ he thought. If she was awake it would hurt even more, but what could he do to help her? Feeling for certain points that he somehow knew he would find, he gently laid his hand along her face to quiet her. This act came naturally and he didn’t try to figure out what he was doing or how he knew to do it.

"Tuvok?" he heard her whisper very softly. Her eyes didn’t open. "Tuvok?"

What was Tuvok? He tried to figure out what she was saying. Could Tuvok be him? Could that be his name, or was it her word for something else? He thought about it. She did not say anything more and lapsed quietly into unconsciousness once again. He was relieved.

Suddenly the lights were there again and he closed his eyes hoping they would not hurt him if he didn’t look at them. Lately they seemed more interested in the woman than in him, and his mind was still slowly clearing. They had not hurt him for the past two days, only her. He realized that if they hurt him again he would lose what progress he made in remembering who and where he was, so he stayed still with his eyes closed and slightly relaxed his grip on the woman.

He opened one eye slightly as she floated out of his arms with two of the lights positioned above her body. She floated across the room and suddenly dropped with a thud onto one of the tables. The sound of the thud allowed him to realize that was how she hurt her head. One time when the lights dropped her they had misjudged her position and her head had hit against the sharp corner of the metal table. His mind was slowly clearing.

He watched as the lights positioned her body on the table and opened her red gown, exposing her body to their probing. They were merciless and seemed not to realize how much suffering their probing caused. He suddenly remembered his own pain when they had him on the table and probed his body and he tried not to cry out from the memory. He had been helpless, unable to fight or scream against what they were doing to him. They had examined every square inch of him. Then the piercing pain started and because of the terrible pain he couldn’t remember all of what happened to him. After that everything had become foggy and he had trouble thinking. They had done this to him for four days, but they had now done this to the woman every day for all of the six days they had been here. Why her and not him?

As he looked again he could see that the lights were focusing themselves on the area of her body from her left hipbone to an area just below her naval. Something was growing on her skin that appeared to be imbedded into her body in two places, at her hip and the area of her abdomen about three inches below her naval. The growth was white and it flickered. It was shaped something like a flattened terran football with a narrow area at both ends and more room in the middle. What was this? He knew that this was not something that was a normal part of her body. He didn’t know how he knew, he just did.

The lights moved over her abdomen checking this growth, then they did more things to her body, he couldn’t tell exactly what. The lights were each about eight inches in diameter and their brightness varied in intensity as they floated above her. Were these alien beings? Apparently so as they seemed to know what they were doing. He and the woman had been captured by these beings and had been unable to escape. He was remembering even more.

They are gone as quickly as they appeared. Before they left they cruelly dropped the woman into a heap on the floor. As soon as he was sure they were gone, he crawled to her and dragged her back into his corner where he again held her close to comfort and protect her. Why? Who is she and why does he want so badly to protect her?

As he pulls her gown closed to keep her warm he is able to closely examine the growth on her abdomen. What are they doing to her? Whatever it is he knows this must surely hurt because there are bleeding areas at her hip and the middle of her abdomen where the growth is imbedded deep into her body. His mind knows what they are doing, but his thoughts are still not clear and he can’t think of what this is. This bothers him as he feels it is important. He tightens his arms to hold her close and protect her and gently strokes her hair as he cradles her head on his shoulder.

Thankfully the woman is still unconscious and can’t feel her pain. He’s glad they ignored him this time and is working hard to clear his mind and strengthen his body. How is he doing this? He doesn’t know, but whatever he is doing he knows it is a reflex of his body and mind, and it is helping. He is getting stronger and his mind is still clearing. He tries to think. If he could only figure out what a Tuvok was it would be a good place to start. And who was this woman?

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~

Commander Chakotay has been frantic for the last six days, ever since the Captain and Tuvok disappeared. Harry Kim wonders how he can still be on his feet. Chakotay has hardly slept and has not left the bridge or the Captain’s ready room except to grab something to eat. Of course, all of them are upset about losing the Captain and Tuvok, but Chakotay is taking it the hardest and thankfully refuses to give up. Everyone is thankful for his tenacity, even if it is turning him into a super-grouch.

This whole episode started ten days ago when Voyager’s scanners detected a large spaceship crashed on the planet they are now orbiting. Even though this unknown ship was very old and had been on the planet for centuries, their sensors determined that much of the technology used by this ship and its systems was very compatible with Voyager’s technology. The ship had been well preserved and some of its systems were still functioning, although there was no sign of any advanced life on the planet or in its solar system.

"Should we see what’s down there?" Captain Janeway excitedly inquires as her senior officers meet to determine what to do about this ship. The scientist in her just can’t seem to resist exploring every available avenue.

"Captain, we can salvage many parts from this ship to use for Voyager," B’Elanna Torres informed her captain and the senior officers. "Some of these parts will not even need to be reconfigured to work with our systems as this technology is very similar to ours. I wonder where this ship came from."

"Tuvok, are you sure there is no sign of life on this planet? Could there be anyone here who might claim this ship for themselves, either on the planet or anywhere in this solar system?" Captain Janeway inquires of her Tactical Officer.

"No, Captain, there is no sign of advanced life on this planet or on any of the other two planets in this system," Tuvok replies. "It would seem that we can claim this ship without offending anyone."

"Let’s do it," the Captain excitedly states. "B’Elanna, you and five of your engineers will accompany me on this mission, along with three security people. We should be able to salvage what we can use in three days or less and then be on our way. Chakotay, the bridge is yours."

"Aye, Captain," Chakotay softly answers as he tries to suppress his fears for her safety. If only she knew how he worried every time she left the ship without him to protect her, but he quickly controlled his fear and left to claim the bridge. "Be safe Kathryn," he quietly whispered to himself.

"Captain," Tuvok inquires, "I would like to accompany you to study the alien technology and document this ship for our computer records. I could also assist Lt. Torres if she needs me, or you in your scientific study."

"Agreed," Captain Janeway replies, and they prepare to beam to the planet to begin their salvage.

The time passes quickly and the Voyager crew is able to salvage even more than they originally thought possible. But the mystery remains about what happened to the crew of this ship. The layout of the ship indicates that it was crewed by beings larger than humans, but with a totally different type of body. The controls are not compatible to human hands. Janeway estimates that the ship, even though it was huge, only carried a crew of twelve to fifteen. There are no signs of bodies, and the ship shows no sign of having been involved in a battle. Even though the computer still works, its memory has been erased.

The away team is almost finished their salvage operation and B’Elanna and her engineers have beamed back to Voyager with their salvage. During routine scanning, Captain Janeway detects an interesting energy reading among the nearby rocks. This reading had not been there twenty minutes ago. "Tuvok, look at this," she states. "Have you ever seen anything like it?"

"No," Tuvok replies, "and it was not there before."

The Captain, Tuvok and the three guards enter the rocky area following their tricorder readings when suddenly bright lights start flashing and appear to be attacking the away team. Their phasers have no effect, and when something stuns them they fall to the ground unable to move. Even though they are aware, they cannot move and their vision has gone dark so they can’t see what is happening.

Tuvok senses beings moving and probing around his body as if they were searching for something. He assumes the others are experiencing the same sensations. Suddenly he feels himself lift off the ground and float along, as if on a cushion of air. Unable to see or move his body, he feels with his other senses to try to determine in what direction he is moving and if the others are being moved also. Even though he can determine the direction, he is unable to sense if any of the others are moving.

After a short period of time, exactly 10 minutes 38 seconds by Tuvok’s internal clock, his vision starts to return. As his sight returns, he determines that the direction he is moving is indeed the one he thought, and he is able to see the Captain moving along with him. They are just floating with two balls of light above each of them also floating along, and six more balls of light floating beside them. They are being moved by pure energy beings that seem to be emitting some kind of tractor beam. Since he can’t move his body he is unable to see if his security team is still with them or what might be floating on his other side.

Feeling is starting to return to his feet and hands. He glances toward the Captain and can tell that she is also able to move a little, in fact she is able to move her right arm and she moved her head to allow herself to look down. As he watches, she slowly moves her hand to where her tricorder is attached to her waist, flips it open and drops it onto a rock as she passes near it. She then drops her arm downward, and whenever they pass near enough to any brush or scrubby trees, she reaches and breaks a small branch, thus leaving a trail.

This trailblazing has gone on for a period of time when they suddenly stop their forward motion. One of the lights that is not above either Tuvok or the Captain apparently realized what she is attempting to do. Quickly swinging around, gathering speed and emitting harmonics, the light crashes itself into the Captain’s dangling right arm at high speed, breaking her bones between the wrist and elbow. Her arm is now dangling uselessly.

Wondering whether he can now take up where she left off, Tuvok tries to move his arms but finds that only his hands will move. He can’t seem to get either of his arms to move downward.

Unseen by any of the lights, the Captain or Tuvok since they are now past it, a large bird is attracted by the lights flashing on the Captain’s tricorder and attempted to attack it. The bird is unable to pick the machine up in its claws because the claws will not dig into the metal, but it does flip the lid of the tricorder into the closed position, thus turning off the signal.

They have only floated about another hundred feet when an opening appears in the rock wall beside them. The entryway is narrow, and as they pass by the opening, the Captain is able to bring her broken arm into contact with the rock face of the opening for just an instant. She hopes that will be enough. The lights, the Captain and Tuvok proceed into the opening, float down a long tunnel and into a room with two beds where their bodies are suddenly released and they fall painfully onto the tables.

Still unable to move on their own, the Captain and Tuvok are stripped of their uniforms by the lights and put into red gowns that open down the front. Once this has been accomplished, the examinations begin.

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~

"Harry, has anything new shown up on the scans?" Chakotay questions for the hundredth time today. "Anything at all? It’s been six days!"

"No, Commander," Harry replies as he sighs softly to himself. "Believe me, if anything as much as flickers I will let you know immediately." They are all worried about the Captain and Tuvok, but if they don’t find her soon Chakotay is going to drive them all crazy. He realizes that the Commander and the Captain are more than First Officer and Captain. Hell, everyone knows they’re even more than best friends. Then he takes a breath and tries to put himself in Chakotay’s place. If the woman he loved was lost, how would he feel. "We’ll find her," he whispers.

The guards who had been on the surface with the Captain and Tuvok had been found immediately. Once they had been revived and brought back to Voyager they reported having seen the lights attack and stun them. Since their vision had been affected, they didn’t know how the Captain and Tuvok were moved, but they could report that there was no sound involved. Based on their report, Chakotay had ordered the sensors adjusted to scan for energy patterns as well as solid ones, and he ordered B’Elanna to increase the scanning power of the sensors.

"The search teams on the surface are reporting that nothing new is happening except that a severe storm appears to be forming. Should we beam them back until the storm passes?" Harry inquires of Chakotay.

"Where can they be?" Chakotay agonizes thinking of the Captain and Tuvok. "What can be happening to them?" In answer to Harry’s question Chakotay agrees, "Yes, beam them back until the storm is over. There’s no sense putting anyone else in danger. B’Elanna, try to increase the power to the sensors even more. Take power from wherever you can."

So they wait and scan hoping for any sign of the Captain and Tuvok.

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~

Pain unlike anything he has ever felt invaded Tuvok’s body once the examinations began. The sheer helplessness of being unable to move or even scream, along with the shame of being stripped and examined, all began to take its toll on his mind. Needles, probes and other instruments used by the lights inflicted their own anguish, and the lights seemed oblivious to the suffering they were inflicting on their victims.

His head was turned toward the other bed where the Captain lay, enduring the same ordeal. She, too, was unable to move or scream, but her head was turned toward him and her expressive eyes, which were looking at him and pleading with him, reflected her terrible shame and suffering.

Although Tuvok always tightly controlled his feelings and claimed to have no emotions whatsoever, he recognized that if he were able at this moment in time to move normally, he would gladly kill these aliens with his bare hands for what they were doing to his friend. He would never admit it to anyone, but over the years his feelings for his friend and captain had grown to levels he never imagined. She was more than a friend, almost like a treasured child, although less than a wife or lover.. One of his jobs was to protect his friend and captain, and right now he was failing miserably and they were both paying the price.

The pain, shame and examinations went on for several hours taking its toll on Tuvok’s mind and its ability to function. Finally several needles descended from the ceiling and injected their contents into him and the Captain. Tuvok felt his mind’s clarity slip away from him to be replaced by the swirling fog that became his mind.

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~

"Commander, the storm seems to have dissipated on the surface of the planet and I can now detect a tricorder signature which I did not detect before," Harry excitedly informs Chakotay. This signature is coming from the Captain’s tricorder, but it’s not located in the wreck."

"Where is it?" Chakotay cries coming instantly to Harry’s side. "Can you detect the Captain or Tuvok?"

"Negative," Harry answers, "but the tricorder is located in a rocky formation about three miles west of the wreck. Here are the coordinates. I still can’t detect any sign of the Captain or Tuvok in any of the areas surrounding the tricorder. There does, however, seem to be some kind of energy field in the rocks about two miles west of the tricorder, but I don’t know what is causing this field. It did not show up before the storm. Maybe the storm caused something to change in the field so that we can now detect it, but I can’t tell for sure."

"Harry, the bridge is yours. Have the Doctor and five security people meet me in the transporter room in fifteen minutes. Tom, you’re with me. Let’s go!" Chakotay barks his orders as he and Tom Paris hurry toward the turbolift, all signs of exhaustion falling away from him. "We’re coming, Kathryn," he softly chants to himself. "Just hold on."

They beam to the site of the tricorder reading and do, in fact, find the Captain’s tricorder. It appears that the high winds accompanying the storm blew the machine off the rock on which it was sitting and the lid flipped open, thus reactivating the signal.

"Check the area around here and see if you can find any indication of which direction they headed," Chakotay orders as he searches frantically for signs. He is very good at reading signs and it only takes him a few minutes until he spies a broken branch on a shrub about 100 feet away. "This way," he orders as he runs toward the shrub. They must have left this trail for us to follow. From there he is able to see the next sign, and with his hopes rising is quickly able to determine the direction in which to search.

When the signs finally run out, Chakotay and his team find themselves standing close to a rocky cliff that rises about 100 feet out of the ground. "Can anyone see any more signs?" Chakotay questions. "Spread out and look for anything."

Once they determine that there are no more directional signs, Chakotay focuses all of his attention on the rocky face of the cliff. "Tom, use your tricorder on the right side of that protruding rock, and I’ll use mine on the left," he orders. Look for anything that isn’t rock, or any sign of molecular residue. Look for anything that will indicate where they’ve gone. They’ve got to be here somewhere."

"Commander," Tom excitedly calls after five minutes of scanning. "I’m picking up a very faint molecular trace that could be from the Captain. It isn’t much, just a faint reading, but it’s there."

"That’s it!" Chakotay excitedly calls to the team. "There must be an opening here somewhere. Let’s go!" He and the whole team run as fast as they can to the molecular trace and soon discover the narrow opening into the rocky caves.

Cautiously entering the caves they are not surprised to find everything pitch black. Quickly stepping back outside the cave where his combadge will work, he orders, "Chakotay to Voyager. Beam down wrist beacons to our location immediately."

After the beacons arrive and the team has them in place, they are ready to proceed. Chakotay is carrying two extra beacons for the Captain and Tuvok for when they are able to find them.

The tunnel is narrow but straight and tall, and the away team is able to easily walk deeper into the cave. After traveling for about 500 feet, they see faint light ahead. Pushing their bodies as close to the side of the passage as they can, they cautiously proceed toward the light which is coming from a room carved out of the rock.

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~

Captain!! He determined that her name was Captain and his was Tuvok. Names at least - progress at last! Now he needed to remember where they came from and how to get back.

She was still unconscious and resting in his arms. He held her tenderly as he knew she was suffering just like him. He did not yet understand her relationship to him, but he knew it was special and he could feel some kind of mental connection.

He wasn’t even sure yet exactly who he was. He looked at her face resting on his shoulder and ran his hand over her soft auburn hair removing some of the tangles with his fingers. He again felt the grief of having failed to protect her. Why did he feel such anguish for her sake? Was he in love with her? His feelings were certainly tender where she was concerned, so what was their relationship?

He could feel the growth on her stomach which now seemed to have a pulse of its own. He pulled her red gown tighter around her as the sight of that growth only reminded him of his failure to protect her. This failure had allowed the lights to do this to her. He knew she was suffering terribly and he could do nothing for her. He was suffering too and his pain and confusion were very real. It was all his fault and that feeling was crushing him.

A faint sound outside their room alerted him that something was out there. The lights had not made noise before. Were they coming back already? It was not nearly time for the lights to come and torture her again. Were they early? Had they come for him?

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~

"Commander, I am detecting life signs in that room," Tom Paris reported. He was at the head of the line going into the tunnel and is presently the one closest to the lighted room. "One is human and the other Vulcan. We found them!" he excitedly whispers. "I can detect nothing alive in that room except the Captain and Tuvok."

"Let’s go," orders Chakotay as he pushes past Paris and into the lead. "Let’s get them out of here NOW."

The away team bursts into the room with phasers drawn and are shocked at what they see. The room is a laboratory filled with equipment and Tuvok is sitting on the floor cringing in a corner while holding the Captain tightly in his arms. The Captain is obviously unconscious and both look like they have been terribly abused. Tuvok’s expression is confused and very frightened. None of them have ever seen Tuvok look like this.

Chakotay can only gasp as the pain of seeing Tuvok and his Kathryn in this state clutches at his stomach.

"Tuvok!!" Chakotay cries rushing to kneel beside him. "What happened?" Chakotay quickly reaches for Kathryn desperate to touch her to be sure she is still alive. She’s laying so limply in Tuvok’s lap and arms that he isn’t sure and is suddenly very frightened for her.

"NO!" Tuvok screams, "don’t hurt her anymore." Tightening his hold on the Captain he turns his face away from Chakotay and they can see tears falling onto his cheeks. "Don’t hurt us anymore," he softly cries. "I must protect her."

"Tuvok," Chakotay softly says quickly laying one hand on his arm and the other on Kathryn desperately trying to make sure she is still alive, "we’re your friends. We’re here to help you and get you out of here. Don’t you remember us? Let us help you," Chakotay pleads relieved that he can feel a pulse in Kathryn’s neck.

"Friends?" Tuvok whispers, "who are friends? This is Captain and I am Tuvok," he proudly states just like a young child who has finally learned his name. "Where do you want to take us? Not to the lights, please, nooooo not to the lights," he implores of Chakotay.

"No, not to the lights, but home," Chakotay carefully explains, "we want to take you home. But we must get moving before the lights come back. Here, let me take the Captain for you."

Chakotay reaches for Kathryn, but Tuvok is reluctant to let her go and tightens his hold. "Be careful of her stomach," he warns Chakotay. "It hurts," Tuvok states slightly opening the Captain’s gown and exposing the growth.

"MY GOD!" Chakotay exclaims. "Doctor, come quickly! What is this?"

The Doctor and the rest of the away team had been standing back allowing Chakotay to talk to Tuvok since he seemed to be able to get through Tuvok’s terrible fear, and they did not want to jeopardize his progress. But as soon as Chakotay called, the Doctor carefully approached so he wouldn’t frighten Tuvok and looked where Chakotay indicated.

The sight of the growth flickering on the Captain’s abdomen is hideous to the Doctor. "What is this? I’ve never seen anything like it," the Doctor replies. Pulling out his medical scanner he runs it quickly over the Captain’s body, especially in the area of the growth. He then quickly scans Tuvok.

"We must get her to sickbay right away," he informs Chakotay. "Tuvok, please let me help you leave here, let me take you home. We must get you both back to sickbay."

Tuvok just looks blankly at the Doctor, but slowly releases his tight grip on the Captain allowing Chakotay to gather her gently into his arms. "Doctor, Tom, help Tuvok and let’s get moving," he orders as he rises to his feet holding the Captain carefully, thankful beyond words that she is still alive. As he starts for the door, one of the guards warns, "they’re coming, get back."

"Adjust your phasers to the new sonic frequency Torres developed and check your ear protectors," Chakotay orders. "Fire as soon as they enter the room. Don’t give them a chance to stun us," he states as he slides to the floor beside Tuvok. While still holding Kathryn on his lap with one arm he carefully cradles her head against his shoulder to protect her ears. Quickly brushing his lips across her hair to assure himself that she is safe in his arms, he draws his phaser with the other ready to fire when necessary. "Tuvok, sit still and cover your ears," he orders as he quickly inserts plugs into his own ears.

The instant the lights enter the lab, the away team starts firing their specially modulated phasers using the newly programmed sonic setting that B’Elanna Torres developed. They hope that the specially programmed sonic waves will force the molecules of the energy beings to lose their cohesion, thus virtually exploding the energy beings into micro fragments.

It’s hard to tell at first if this is working, but as more of the aliens float into the room they seem to be stopped and held once the beams hit them. Suddenly a high-pitched screaming sound starts coming from the aliens and the balls of light start pulsing and expanding. Brighter and brighter and larger and faster the aliens pulse. As the decibel level of the screams reaches a painful pitch, the lights start exploding one-by-one, and are finally gone.

The sudden quiet is almost as deafening in its own way, and the away team finally realizes that the energy beings are gone.

"It worked," Chakotay announces as he stands up still cradling the Captain in his arms. "Doctor, Tom, help Tuvok. Ensign Illyn, you and the others look for a computer or any form of records these beings might have kept. Look for anything that might tell us who they are or where they come from. Don’t take any chances. Get what you can and report back to me in sickbay where I’ll be with the Captain and Tuvok."

"Aye sir," the Ensign replies as he, and the others head down the passage in the opposite direction from Chakotay’s group.

The moment Chakotay’s group emerges from the caves he orders an immediate beam-up directly to sickbay.

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~

As they arrive in sickbay, the Doctor orders Tuvok to bed three and the Captain to bed two. As Chakotay carries her limp body to bed two and lays her down, he cannot help wondering how bad their ordeal was. Just looking at the condition of the Captain and Tuvok, who needs help to walk, makes him glad that they killed the aliens. He almost wishes he could kill them again just to satisfy his burning desire for revenge.

"Kathryn, hold on," he whispers softly into her ear as he strokes her check with one hand while holding her hand with his other. He’s so grateful that they have her and Tuvok back. He knows he doesn’t want to face life without her by his side, after all, he loves her and has for quite some time. She has definitely become the light in his life and the focus of his dreams.

The growth on Kathryn’s abdomen creates a small bulge under her red gown and this frightens Chakotay. "What could this be?" he asks of the Doctor.

"I have my suspicions," the Doctor answers, "but I will need a few minutes to be sure. Mr. Paris, start treating Tuvok," he orders.

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~

Where am I? Tuvok wonders. And who is this blond-haired man standing beside him looking so concerned. Where is Captain? He needs to see her. Somehow he feels comfortable here in this place. He knows this place and these people and he feels familiar with this blond man. His mind is still clearing, but it seems to be taking so long to clear.

"Tuvok, it’s me, Tom Paris," he says to him as he senses his confusion. "Do you remember me? Let me help you. Everything will be all right. You’re home again."

"Captain?" he says as he looks at Tom with worried and frightened eyes. "I need to help Captain."

"The Captain is right here, don’t worry," Tom gently reassures him. "The Doctor is helping her get better, just like I’m going to help you. Look over there," he says indicating the next bed. "She’ll be all right and so will you. Try to relax and let us help you. We’re your friends."

"I’m going to help you relax so your mind can clear," Tom says as he injects Tuvok with a sedative. "Relax and trust me, I’m your friend."

"NO!! Don’t hurt me!" Tuvok frantically yells and then he abruptly drops off to sleep. This frightened reaction startles everyone.

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~

"Computer, erect a privacy screen around this bed," the Doctor orders as he continues to scan the Captain. The computer erects an energy field around the bed that allows those inside to see out, but anyone on the outside cannot see in.

"Well?" Chakotay asks again. He insists on staying with Kathryn and on holding her hand. His feelings are no secret and have been obvious to everyone for quite some time. The Doctor allows this since he needs help and he knows how Chakotay feels about the Captain. Right now Tuvok needs all of Tom’s attention, so Chakotay will have to do. He realizes that he couldn’t get rid of him short of stunning him and having him hauled to the brig.

"Just as I thought," the Doctor answers. "This growth is intended for procreation." At Chakotay’s horrified look, the Doctor continues.

"Look here," he orders. "This end of the growth is imbedded into the Captain’s fallopian tube and is intended to capture the egg her body will produce during her cycle. Fortunately it’s not time for her cycle, so no eggs have been produced."

"This sack is filled with the alien equivalent of sperm," the Doctor continues indicating the football-like flickering area of the growth. "And this tube," he says indicating the implanted tube beneath her naval, "is implanted deep into her birth canal and is intended to deliver the child. Very crude, but efficient. I wonder what type of child the Captain would produce."

"Get it off of her!" Chakotay frantically orders realizing the implications of this situation. "This is obscene, Doctor."

"Calm down, Commander," the Doctor explains. "This has been grafted into her body. I can’t just rip it off. I’ll need your help with the surgery, but first I have to treat the rest of her body."

As they prepare the Captain for treatment and surgery, Chakotay and the Doctor are able to see the full scope of the experimentation and torture that was done to her, and they assume to Tuvok as well, and they are again glad that they killed the monsters who did this.

The Doctor proceeds to treat the Captain keeping Chakotay informed as they go. "She hasn’t had anything to eat for at least six days. Only water, and not much of that. She has lost weight. There are cut and puncture wounds all over her body and evidence of cruel examination and experimentation. I expect Tuvok has these same injuries."

"She has a broken right arm and a concussion," the Doctor continues. "The arm has started to heal, but the bones are not set properly. I will have to re-break and set her arm."

Attaching an instrument directly onto the wound on Kathryn’s head, the Doctor starts healing her concussion. The Doctor gives her numerous injections and attaches several more instruments to various areas of her body to start the healing process, and then he is ready to begin surgery on the growth. With Chakotay acting as his nurse, the Doctor surgically severs and removes the tubes imbedded into Kathryn’s body, removes the growth and then proceeds to start the process of healing the wounds caused by this experimentation. It is a lengthy process and Chakotay starts to realize a new respect for the Doctor’s thoroughness.

Once it has been removed, the growth is then placed into a sealed container to prevent any of its contents from accidentally escaping.

After completing the removal of the growth, the Doctor then continues to heal the rest of the damage to the Captain’s body, both inside and out. He also proceeds to re-break and set her arm so that, too, can heal.

Once he has finally completed working on Kathryn, the Doctor glances at Chakotay who is white and shaken over this whole ordeal. "I just can’t believe anything could be this cruel," Chakotay emotionally whispers as he takes Kathryn’s limp hand into both of his.

"Cruel isn’t finished yet," the Doctor replies. "We still have to help Tuvok. Come on, let’s see how he’s doing. The Captain needs sleep, and lots of it, and she won’t be waking up for a while." So reluctantly Chakotay accompanies the Doctor to Tuvok’s side where Tom is still healing his many wounds.

"How is he?" the Doctor queries as he scans Tuvok with his medical tricorder, glancing at the readouts displayed on the monitor.

"Physically he’s healing, but they did extensive damage with their experimentation and examinations," Tom reports. "His body is healing, but it’s his mind that I’m worried about. He seems so frightened and withdrawn, and his memory has not yet returned, only fragments of it. I sedated him so he can rest. It must have been a terrible experience for a Vulcan to have to reach this mental state."

"All we can do now is wait," the Doctor states.

"Kim to Commander Chakotay," the combadge chirps interrupting Chakotay’s thoughts as he again sits holding Kathryn’s hand. "Yes, Mr. Kim," he replies, "do you have anything of interest?"

Harry Kim and Seven of Nine had been given the data that Ensign Illyan and his team recovered from the alien database. They have been working diligently for several hours trying to decipher this information and were finally successful.

"Yes, I have a tricorder full of information about the aliens," Harry reports. "Seven and I were finally able to decipher their language. Do you want me to bring it to sickbay?"

"Yes, we’ll check it out here. Please come right away," Chakotay wearily answers.

The information Harry and Seven downloaded from the alien equipment is fascinating and informative. The aliens call themselves the Stranen and they’re from a planet at the opposite end of the Delta quadrant from the Alpha quadrant. They were looking for worlds to colonize when their science vessel was damaged by an unknown force and crashed onto this planet. There were fourteen crew members whose physical appearance resembled that of an Earth octopus.

All fourteen crewmen survived this crash over 2200 years ago, but theirs was an all male crew. As time passed and two of their crewmates died they realized that they had to take drastic measures if they wanted to survive. Their race had experimented with procedures involving transferring the mind and abilities of a physical being into an energy being, and these people decided to try those procedures. It worked, and the light beings the away team destroyed were the same crew that had crashed on the planet over 2200 years ago.

They did have a serious problem, however. Since the original crew was all male, they could not reproduce. Over the years as different species detected the wreck and came to investigate, these energy beings would capture one or two of them and experiment to try to find a way to procreate. Since their original bodies were so different, they had not been successful. They were not even sure which were male and which were female among their captives, hence the cruel examinations.

Their experiments on Captain Janeway and the growth that they grafted onto her body were their latest efforts. They only thought they had a marginal chance of success with her, but they were willing to try even though they were sure she would die relatively soon. They had become so detached from their physical feelings over the years that they didn’t really care if she and Tuvok died or not, or how much they suffered. They had lost their concept of pain and of compassion.

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~

‘My name is Tuvok,’ he remembered, ‘and her name is Kathryn Janeway. We belong on the starship Voyager.’ It is all coming back to him as he wakes from his long and peaceful rest. ‘I don’t feel any pain.’

"Doctor, " he rasps as his eyes open and he sees him bending over with a worried expression on his face. "Am I in sickbay?"

"Yes," the Doctor answers, "and you’re going to be just fine. Do you remember what happened?"

"Yes, I remember some of what happened," Tuvok replies as he mentally checks his body and finds it almost recovered. "How is the Captain?"

"Recovering, and will be for a few more days," the Doctor answers, "but she still is not awake and it’s already been three days. We’re starting to worry because she shows no sign of regaining consciousness. Nothing we do to stimulate her seems to work. She’s deeply unconscious and it appears that she has no desire to wake up. Her body remains totally limp and unresponsive. If we can’t wake her soon I’m afraid our Commander is going to be a basket case."

Tuvok takes a moment to savor the clarity of his mind. He now remembers being unable to think clearly and his fear of what was being done to him. Faint traces of these thoughts pass over his usually impassive face. The Doctor sees this and waits, just giving him time to think and recover.

Turning his head to look at the Captain, Tuvok tries to remember. He knows there is something he should remember. An exhausted-looking Chakotay is sitting beside her holding her hand. He has a worried look on his face. There is no sign of the growth on her abdomen, and all outward signs of the physical abuse she endured are gone, as are his. The regeneration unit attached to her right arm is the only evidence that remains of their ordeal.

‘Why can’t she wake up?’ Tuvok ponders for a few minutes. He knows that he has the answer, but why can’t he think of it.

Suddenly sitting up on his bed, Tuvok calmly states, "I know. I know why she will not wake up."

"After they stopped torturing me, but were still torturing her and my mind started to clear just a little, I performed a mind-meld in an attempt to help her deal with her pain and fear. I sent her consciousness deeper into herself in an effort to remove her connection with her physical body. This would enable her to survive the torture and separate her mind from the ordeal, so she should have limited memory of what happened after I did the meld. I knew what it was doing to me, and even though I was not thinking clearly, I was trying to help her survive."

"I can mind-meld with her and bring her back if her body is strong enough," Tuvok says. "She will not be aware of as much of what happened as I am. Do I have your permission, Doctor?"

"Both of you are still weak and need time to recover," the Doctor informs Tuvok. "But the sooner she deals with the situation, just like you, the quicker complete recovery will occur. If you feel up to it, the sooner she returns to us the better – for all concerned," as he glances toward Chakotay.

As the doors to sickbay swish open, Tom Paris walks in and smiles brightly when he sees Tuvok wide awake and sitting up. "Hi, Tuvok, how are you feeling?" he inquires as he closes the distance to Tuvok’s bed. "How’s the Captain?" he asks of the Doctor as he glances to where Chakotay is still holding her hand.

"I need your help, Mr. Paris. Your timing is perfect for once," the Doctor replies. "With any luck the Captain will soon be awake."

Tom and the Doctor have to assist the weak Tuvok to the Captain’s side where he places his fingers gently on her face and proceeds to seek her consciousness. Surprised at how deep into herself he had to send her, Tuvok gently encounters Kathryn’s consciousness. He is pleased at how quickly she recognizes and trusts him. Suppressing her fear and giving her reassurance, he gently leads her back on the path to consciousness until she is able to take over for herself.

Finally, after several tense minutes, her eyes flutter open. It takes a few minutes for her to focus, but when her vision clears, she smiles.

"Chakotay. Tuvok?" she whispers as her eyes are finally open. Still too weak to raise her head, she turns and sees the Doctor and Tom. "Are we back on Voyager?"

"Yes, and everything will be fine now that you’re back with us." Chakotay answers for all of them as he squeezes her hand and gently brushes his lips across her forehead, over the spot where only a faint pink line marks the place where the gash was only several days ago. "Your body is healing and we’ll all help you deal with what happened. Welcome back," he states with deeply sincere feelings. "You’re safe now."

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~

Two days later the Doctor finally gives in to Kathryn’s demands to leave sickbay. As he thinks about it, he’s not sure if it was really her demand, Chakotay’s plea that she would rest better in her quarters away from prying eyes, her plans to re-write or deactivate his program, or her threats to mutilate his vocal chords that influenced this decision. He really doesn’t understand her threats to his vocal chords. After all, he was only trying to expand her knowledge of opera and everyone knows that repetition is the key to learning.

Even though she has made remarkable progress, she is not totally healed physically and needs time to deal with the massive mental effects of her ordeal, as does Tuvok. The wounds inflicted by the experimentation and testing are now almost all healed, but her concussion and the bones in her arm which the Doctor had to re-break are taking longer, and the Doctor has officially declared her totally off duty for at least another week. This was not popular with the Captain, but he made it a condition of her release from sickbay as he quietly smirked to himself. He just loves these battle of wills, and the Captain is his favorite opponent.

Although the Captain suffered far more serious physical damage than Tuvok, she was spared much of the mental anguish thanks to Tuvok’s mind meld. Her conscious memories of her ordeal are only clear up to the point of the meld, and after that they are only fleeting glimpses of swirling shadows of the mind. Whether they will ever become any clearer is anyone’s guess, but Tuvok assured the Doctor that the Captain’s mental blocks will prevent them from ever surfacing. He put them there himself, so he has every confidence in their effectiveness.

Outwardly Kathryn is putting up a brave front about dealing with the mental effects of this ordeal, but both the Doctor and Chakotay know that she still has a long way to go. If nothing else, Chakotay knows Kathryn and the Doctor knows his Captain. The Doctor also elicits a promise from her to eat – real food and not just coffee. Another victory for the Doctor, he smirks.

"Doctor, we’re in a quiet area of space and will encounter no planetary systems for at least two more weeks. I can easily stay with her for a while and let Tuvok run the bridge. In fact, we might let Tom Paris or Harry Kim ‘drive’ for awhile. They could use the practice," Chakotay offers as he gives Kathryn the dimpled smile she loves so much. "If she as much as sneezes I can notify you immediately." He has to chuckle at the dirty look he is getting from Kathryn, but the Doctor finally agrees

An hour later Chakotay is still smiling as he recycles the soup bowls and coffee cups that are now empty. After returning to her quarters and allowing her bathe and change out of her sickbay gown, it was quite a fight to get her to eat something, but his bullying and cajoling finally paid off. It might have been his threat to not replicate any coffee until after she ate her soup and warm bread that he replicated, but then again it might have been the dimples. He knew the effect they had on her.

"Kathryn, come here," Chakotay smiled as he guided her toward her sofa and sat them both down. He pulled her gently into his arms and quietly thanked his gods once again for bringing her back to him. "Do you know how much I missed you?"

"No, show me," she smiles as she snuggles deeper into his arms. His gentle kiss ignites the fires within her heart and soul as her arms pull his head even closer to make the kiss more passionate. Being careful of her still healing body, Chakotay slips his arms under her knees and behind her back and rises smoothly to carry her to bed. After tucking her in, he slides in beside her to continue his mission to replace her bad memories with good ones.

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~

Four days later the physically recovered Tuvok reports for duty. The Captain is still recuperating in her quarters and will need several more days until she is fully physically recovered. They all know that she and Tuvok will need even more time to deal with the mental implications of their experience.

Tuvok and the Captain have both been briefed about the information retrieved from the aliens’ caves and the purpose of their examination and torture. Chakotay realizes how he feels about this whole situation and is still glad they killed the aliens for what they did to Kathryn and Tuvok. He now has a gift for Tuvok, one he is not sure Tuvok will accept. But he owes it to him to offer.

"Harry, eject the capsule," Chakotay orders. As they watch on the viewscreen a capsule drifts away from Voyager and Chakotay offers his gift.

"Tuvok that capsule contains the growth which the Doctor removed from the Captain, along with its contents. The contents are all that remain of these aliens and are still alive, if you could call what that is alive. We can’t risk any of the contents escaping here on Voyager because we don’t know what could happen if it does, and we don’t know what effect it could have on other species. I refuse to take that risk. Phaser control is in your hands, you can use it or not. The choice is yours. I know what I would do, but I was not the one who suffered at their ‘hands’. The Captain is still unable to make this choice, so it’s yours."

Realizing what Chakotay is offering, Tuvok looks hard at the capsule. He knows that for Chakotay to offer him this is a big concession, especially after what those aliens did to Kathryn. Knowing that he shades the truth when he says he has no emotions, only that Vulcans have unusual strength and training to enable them to control their emotions, he is very aware of his finger laying on the phaser control button. For himself he has very strong feelings, but not enough to kill, and in a sense destroying this sperm could be considered killing. But for Kathryn Janeway?……..

She is his friend and more. She saved his life more than once, as well as his reputation and sanity, while willingly putting her own life and career on the line for him. He knows he is the real reason they are all here now. She came for him. Between them they have forged a very special friendship, unusual for a human and a Vulcan and one he never dreamed possible for himself. He remembers what they did to her, recalls her suffering and pain. He knows that she trusts him with her life and more, and that he almost failed her. He remembers looking into her suffering eyes as she lay in his arms in that room.

His finger twitches then presses the button.

The End

February 2000

~~~~ a Y a ~~~~