The Library at Marianat

Scene Two

DEEDELUS and CHANTARA are just reaching the plateau of a mountain painted on the backdrop. THEY still have their Panda suits on, but are holding the Panda heads in their hands.
DEEDELUS I left my friends up this way.

CHANTARA

Deedelus, look! It seems like all of Shreaneck is on fire!

DEEDELUS

So it does.

CHANTARA

You’re absolutely wonderful!

DEEDELUS

So are you.

CHANTARA We’ve known each other for less than a day,
Still there are things I’m longing to say.
Even in your Panda suit,
You look so goshdarned cute
That my imagination runs away.
If we’d only met in Coner Island,
We would have had such fun!---
I could have passed beneath your window
While you were shooting off your gun.
You may have grazed my shoulder
Then stopped as I cried and swooned;
Our love would begin to smolder
From the very moment
You tried to fix my wound.
If we’d only met in Coner Island,
Our lives would have turned about---
I could have gotten to your mother,
Convincing her to let you out.
You could have taught me
How to use a grenade,
I could have shown you
How a book-burger’s made---
If only,
If only,
If only
We had met in Coner Island.

DEEDELUS If we’d only met in Coner Island,
We would have had such fun!---
You could have passed beneath my window
While I was shooting off my gun.

I may have grazed your shoulder
Then stopped as you cried and swooned;
Our love would begin to smolder
From the very moment
I tried to fix your wound.

If we’d only met in Coner Island,
Our lives would have turned about---
You could have gotten to my mother,
Convincing her to let me out.

I could have taught you
How to use a grenade,
You could have shown me
How a book-burger’s made---
If only,
If only,
If only
We had met in Coner Island.

(HE takes her in his arms, and THEY kiss. At that moment, MILLIAMA, SOMA and MAXIMUSH appear from the left. MILLIAMA sees them and is furious. MAXIMUSH is not overly pleased.) MILLIAMA Get your schluckin’ hands off of that waitress!

DEEDELUS

We grew up just a few blocks away from each other.

MILLIAMA

That’s no excuse.

CHANTARA

But did you see what Deedelus did to the K.P.s?

MILLIAMA

Schluck the K.P.s---and schluck Deedelus and schluck you.

CHANTARA

I find language like that so offensive.

MILLIAMA

(mimicking)
Oh, she finds language like that so offensive.

DEEDELUS

Shut up, Milliama. (MILLIAMA marches to him and slugs him on the jaw. DEEDELUS draws back his fist and is about to hit her back, when MAXIMUSH separates them.) MILLIAMA It’s okay. I expressed myself. I feel better now.

DEEDELUS

Well, I don’t.

MAXIMUSH

If you’re going to punch anyone out…

(HE indicates his jaw.)

DEEDELUS

Why should I punch you out? You didn’t do anything to me.

MAXIMUSH

I know, but I’m wild for boxing gloves. (From offstage we hear the voices of ANTARES and ACULEUS as THEY enter from the left, pushing their funga cart and singing.) ACULEUS & ANTARES

Have you ever felt low, boy,
Just as low as you can go, boy?
That’s when you long for
Wonderful funga!

MAXIMUSH Ah, funga fellows! Did you see what our Deedelus did to Shreaneck?

ACULEUS

Yeah. We heard.

MAXIMUSH

I was thinking, my good men, we have these four panda suits we’re not going to use now and perhaps you can take them back. Of course, we’d expect to pay a certain amount in depreciation zotzkas…

ANTARES

You gotta be kidding. Who wants a panda suit now?

CHANTARA

But there are other cities and other pandas ready to attack.

ACULEUS

This is our territory.

ANTARES

You’ll just have to find other funga men in other parts of the country.

MILLIAMA

What a bunch of greedy schluckers!

SOMA

The least you can do, man, is give us a funga discount. (ANTARES looks at ACULUEUS and ACULEUS at ANTARES, and THEY both burst into derisive laughter.) DEEDELUS But we need all our zotzkas now.

ACULEUS

You and the rest of the population.

DEEDELUS

But they’re not searching for the Library at Marianat.

ANTARES

The Library at Marianat! Why didn’t you say so?

DEEDELUS

But I did.

CHANTARA

You know where it is?

SOMA

And we don’t mean no schluckin’ fast food joint.

ACULEUS

Ever heard of Bimbuktu?

MAXIMUSH

Where’s Bimbuktu?

ANTARES

Way…way to the south.

ACULEUS

You can’t get there from here.

DEEDELUS

There must be some way…

ANTARES

In point of fact there is. But is it gonna cost you! (DEEDELUS, SOMA, MILLIAMA, ANTARES and ACULEUS all look to MAXIMUSH as the music of "Wonderful Funga" builds.)

LIGHTS DIM