INTRO

  Creeping through the shadows, he snuck up on them. The group he 
neared  could have been  comrades or enemies; regardless, his mission 
remained the same. "Hmh-hmh-hmh!", he thought, "They'll never spot me 
in these shadows. As a cassette or in my feline mode, I am virtually 
invisible; virtually unstoppable; virtually invincible! They'll never 
spot me, heh-heh!"

  "Oh hi, Jaguar."

  "What?!" yelled Jaguar, totally seen, and now, totally heard by 
all. "How did you see me?"

  "Although my visage has only one optic unit," said the large gray 
transformer, "it is quite logical I should see someone so obviously 
unconcealed."

  "Why, you faceless mis-colored volt! I am the master in shadow 
patrol!" 

  "Silence, Jaguar! You aren't even the master of ceremony! And 
you're not Ravage!"

  Jaguar was furious, but discouraged all the same. The truth hurt, 
and truth was Jaguar was not Ravage. He was just a bootleg 
transformer...

  "Hee-hee! Jaguar thinks he's shadow!" squealed one of the rainbow 
colored Insecticons.

  "I wouldn't laugh, Kickmock," replied Jaguar, "your colors make you 
a most conspicuous bull's-eye of all." 

  Another pastel-colored bug joined his comrade and transformed to a 
robot with large antennae. "Back off Jaguar, if you wish to stay in 
one piece, Piece, Piece."

  A cassette popped out of the nearby wall and transformed to the 
likeness of a familiar bird. "Funny, Shrapnel only repeats the last 
word once."

  "Buzz off, Condor, condor, condor!" said Sharpnot. "We bootleg 
transformers aren't as high quality, Quality, Quality."

  "Speak for yourselves!" replied Condor. "Some of us are higher 
quality than Transformers."
 
  "Yeah," said Jaguar, "My brother and I each came in plastic 
cassette cases with our names on the cover. Ravage and Lazerbeak did 
not!"

  The large gray, one-eyed transformer, faced the sky away from the 
rest and pointed with his right arm's laser extremity, and spoke out. 
"Two unidentified flyers are approaching." Unlike most weapon 
Transformers, he did not shrink in size as he transformed to a large 
ray gun, and aimed at the oncoming planes. "Possible hostility 
undetermined." 

  Kickmock and Shrapnot joined Shackwave's sides and aimed their 
rifles in the air. 

  "Hold your fire," said Shackwave as he brought his gun barrel down, 
"flyers identified."

  The first plane landed and transformed into a majestic red and gray 
robot. "I, Storescream, have arrived!" 

  Condor found it strange how a robot who looked like that could 
speak with a normal voice. While others found it strange that Condor 
and Jaguar could speak at all!

  The other blue and beige, bulky attack plane didn't land so 
smoothly. As he flew down, his non-metal landing gear was stuck in 
the rest of the cheap plastic, and didn't extend out. This confirmed 
to the others, that he was not the Transformer Blitzwing, rather 
another transformer like them; who skidded past and crashed.

  Shackwave spoke, "Welcome, my fellow transformers. You have been 
summoned here to elect a leader for our kind. As a rare high-quality 
bootleg transformer, constructed with metal parts, I am the most 
logical choice for ..."
  "I, Storescream should lead!"

  "What? You!" said Condor, Jaguar, and Kickmock.
  "What, you, You, You?" said Shrapnot.

  "I, Storescream, am of superior quality. For example, G1 
Transformers' weapons came with no springs or worse, half springs, 
that resulted in weak missile warfare. Now witness my weapon!" With 
that, Storescream shot a rocket 10 feet away, possibly winning some 
votes. "Not bad for a mid 80's transformer toy!"

  "Forget quality!" said Bootzwing as he drove up as a tank. "You 
want quantity!" Then he transformed to robot, his 3rd mode. 

  "Amazing!" said Kickmock, "A triple changer bootleg that actually 
triple changes!"

  "Besides, I'm the only true bootleg here; the only illegal copy 
with Decepticon signs, and Blitzwing's name and picture on the 
package." The others considered his point. "And my packaging is so 
cheap, just like G2 packaging, so that's another bootlegged aspect I 
have."

  Shackwave continued his campaign. "Under my leadership we will 
unite our forces, usurp Hasbro's popularity, and make Radio Shack the 
biggest brand name in the galaxy!"

  "You had my vote until that Radio Shack bit." Said Condor. Then he 
joined the others in laughter.

  "You're a loser, Loser, Loser, Shackwave." Stated Shrapnot.

  "Hey, you're supposed to repeat the last word," protested 
Shackwave, "but you repeated the 2nd to last word. Why ?"

  "Because you're a triple loser!" laughed Jaguar. "Just like triple 
Bootzwing, ha-haa!"

  "Unless there are any other candidates, I, Storescream, am your new 
leader!"

  "Wait a second," said Kickmock, "weren't there other bootleg 
transformers produced? And weren't there any Autobot knock offs?"

  "I can't recall," said Condor, "1984 was a long time ago."

  "Hey, what's that, That, That?" pointed Shrapnot as a black rip 
appeared in the Cybertronian (or Toys R Us warehouse) atmosphere.

  "It's a trans-warp opening!" exclaimed Storescream. "With 2 
Hasbro/Kenner Transformers coming out!"

  As Tigatron and Airrazor stepped out, the trans-warp opening closed 
and Bootzwing asked "What are you two doing here?"

  "We were invited." responded Tigatron. "But we don't know why."

  "I called you here as representatives of Beast Wars." Said 
Shackwave. "Although you are official Has/Ken toys, you do appear on 
a bootleg Beast Wars show shamefully called Beasties."

  "Actually, it's not a bootleg show," corrected Airrazor, "it's very 
much official."

  "With a name like Beasties?" wondered Kickmock.

  "The whole production staff refers to the show as Beasties, instead 
of Beast Wars." said Airrazor. "Don't ask, we sure don't."

  "You two can't enter the bootleg election, then." Said Condor.

  "Thank the Matrix!" exclaimed Tigatron.

  Just then a giant robot descended from the sky.

  "And just who are you?" Jaguar asked the party crasher.

  "Tranzor-Z!"

  "You're no transformer bootleg, Bootleg, Bootleg!"

  "Maybe," said the poorly drawn cartoon character, "but when I was 
on the air in 1984, my commercial said, 'If you want the latest in 
rocket transformers...', so I qualify as a bootleg, right?"

  Everyone tried not to laugh. Storescream felt pity and said, "I've 
never seen anything so pathetic!"

  Tranzor-Z, shocked and furious, yelled "Atomic Hurricane!" and a 
cyclone wind jetted out of his big mouth.

  Immediately, Airrazor transformed and flew up toward Tranzor-Z with 
Condor, while Tigatron transformed and dashed toward the enemy with 
Jaguar. Storescream launched a missile that easily covered the 8 feet 
between the toys, exploded on Tranzor-Z's chest, taking out all his 
other weapon systems, and unbalanced the giant robot. This gave 
Kickmock and Shrapnot the chance to transform to insects and fly up 
to the enemy's head, where they kicked his mouth covers shut. The 
pressure buildup from his hurricane blew half his face off.

  Bootzwing pointed at the illegal insignia on his chest and called 
out, "Hey Tranzor, look at this."

  With his audio and visual circuits still intact, Tranzor-Z got 
excited. "Hey, you're a real Transformer!", and the Tranzor-Z music 
started playing. "Cool!"

  With the giant caught off guard, Condor and Airrazor swooped around 
him and attacked from behind, shutting off the non-transformer's 
music, while Jaguar and Tigatron pounced on him from the front, 
causing him to fall. The bootlegs and Beast Wars then fled away as 
Shackwave transformed to ray gun and Bootzwing transformed to tank. 
The two bootlegs opened fire on the downed Tranzor-Z and blew him up.

  "Tigatron, let's head back," said Airrazor, "before they start 
making bootleg beast wars."

  "I'm with you." responded Tigatron as a trans-warp rip opened. In 
seconds, the Beast Wars were gone.

  "We may not be real Transformers," Shackwave said, "but we don't 
take nonsense from non-transforming toys, or characters."

  "Yes, we're the best of the rest," said Bootzwing, "We're 
Bootlegs!"

  "We're Bootlegs!" cheered all.

  "Now where were we?" asked Storescream, "Oh yes. I, Storescream am 
your new leader!...

The End
Meesum Abidi

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