Present Day

Ezra Standish stared at the man who was talking to Chris Larabee. His intense green eyes showed the hatred that his inner soul felt for the large man. It had started when the man first walked into the conference room on the seventh floor of the ATF building and had continued to grow ever since. He wasn't the only member of the team that felt this way but he had a reason to hate him that the others didn't have. The man wasn't large in height, just weight. His stomach hung over the trousers that were too small for him. His coat was also tight fitting. The man had been to lazy too buy the much needed larger sized apparel when he had gained the weight. Ezra grimaced in disgust.

His eyes didn't waver when the man turned his head to look at him. Ezra smiled at him, he knew it would anger him. It did, the man scowled at him and shook his head in a demeaning manner then returned to his conversation. He knew he was the origin of the conversation, he always was. He had been discussed quite a lot over the last six weeks. He didn't like it. He didn't like it one single bit. And now that the case was over, he was going to tell him where he could put his fat ass.

He turned his head slightly when he heard Chris' voice rise in anger. He was defending him. Chris did a lot of that lately, so did the rest of the team. He was grateful for what they were doing for him but even they couldn't refuse to obey the guy's orders. He was tired of staring so he allowed his head to fall towards his chest. He looked at the custom made boots that he was wearing. He could feel the thick socks that his mother had sent him five weeks ago. He was only wearing them because he'd run out of socks. He hadn't had time to do any washing for the previous two weeks.

Ezra heard footsteps coming towards him. He held his breath and looked up. The breath was released when he saw Chris walking towards him. He knew what he wanted Chris to say and hoped that he would say it but the way things had been going lately it wouldn't surprise him if it was bad news.

Chris looked at his undercover agent and sighed. At least it will be over tomorrow afternoon Chris told himself. He leaned against the van next to the Southerner.

"Asshole." Chris grumbled.

"Defective bloated parasite." Ezra added to the insult.

"Imbecile." Chris continued.

"Morbid moronic imperfection." Some of the anger had left the Southerner.

"What dictionary do you use?" Chris turned to him.

"Life." Ezra smiled. "Go ahead and say it Chris, don't keep me waiting all day."

"Porter didn't say much. He wants a meeting tomorrow to close things up." Chris told him part of the conversation.

"And?" Ezra hadn't turned to look at his boss.

"You did a good job Ezra. Should be a commendation in it for you." Chris tip toed around the subject.

"I meant the meeting." Ezra put an end to Chris' runaround tactics.

"Seven in the morning. Reckons he's got a ten o'clock flight out of town." Chris winced when he heard Ezra's intake of breath.

Any one wouldn't think that it would be such a problem but Porter found out that Ezra hated early mornings. He took every opportunity to arrange their meetings to take place before seven thirty. Each member had made an excuse to make them later, it had worked for a while but Porter caught on to what they were doing.

"Don't come in Ezra, stay in bed. We all know why he wants the meeting and it's nothing to do with the case. We'll deal with him then send him on his way."

"No, it'll piss him off if I come in. Besides, I'd rather see him off myself." Ezra's smile was wicked.

"You sure about that?" Chris knew Ezra was tired. It was written on his face and showed in his body language.

"Yeah I'm sure."

"You want to go to Inez's for a drink. We're all going."

"No. I need to get some sleep."

"I'll drive you home." Chris slapped him on the back and pushed him towards his car.

The sun tried to find it's way into the ATF's undercover agent's bedroom at the abnormal hour of five but the thick curtain that covered the large window kept it out. The Southerner slept on his stomach, the white covered quilt was wrapped around his waist. His right arm was hidden under the pillow and his left hand lay in front of his face. His position didn't change when his alarm began to sound. The gentle rhythm of classical music filled the large bedroom but he never heard it.

He continued to be oblivious to the noises around him as the hours passed. Horns blared, gunshots were heard from the television set in the second floor apartment, dogs barked at people passing by. The phone rang a few times but the calls were quickly picked up by the answering machine. It didn't ring long enough to wake the sleeper, so messages that would never be answered were left. The sound of knocking three hours later didn't elicite any movement from the sleeping form, he continued to sleep like the dead. The agent still didn't move a few minutes later when gentle hands shook his shoulders.

"Ezra . . . " Chris continued to shake his agent's shoulder while Nathan lifted an eyelid.

"He's alright, he's just sleeping. Probably exhausted." Nathan informed Chris and Vin.

"There's nothing wrong with him?" Vin asked even though the ex-medic had said his friend was fine.

"Why don't we make ourselves at home until he wakes up." Nathan pulled the quilt up over Ezra's back. He listened to the smaller man's steady breathing for a moment then quietly walked out of the room. The others hesitated before following him out.

Sound finally registered through the thick blanket of sleep that filled Ezra's mind. He didn't want to wake up. His body and mind felt heavy with fatigue. He thought about rolling over onto his back but didn't think he could manage it. The thought of lifting a finger was even too much for him at the moment. He decided to stay where he was and allow his body to wake in it's own time.

An hour later he still felt the same. His muscles felt weak, his mind felt as though it was filled with fog. He was unable to concentrate, if he tried, some sort of force would push the thought away before it revealed itself. Maybe he just needed some coffee and something to eat. He managed to push himself up and roll over into a sitting position. It was a few moments before he realised he was still wearing his trousers from the day before. He couldn't be bothered changing, he'd do that after he had breakfast. He looked over at the clock and swore under his breath when he saw the red digits displaying 4:06pm.

Larabee was going to be pissed. No on second thoughts he was probably worried about him. First a phone call then dinner. It was too late now for breakfast. He dragged himself out of bed and shuffled out into the living room. He failed to notice the three men sitting on the long sofa. His mind was elsewhere, they could call out his name and he wouldn't hear them. He picked up the cell phone that he had left on the kitchen counter and dailed Chris' number.

"Ezra." Chris called to him. He was surprised his agent didn't see them but then again he looked like death walking. Maybe he had a drink or two last night Chris thought. He couldn't blame him. Ezra didn't respond to his voice so he tried again. "Ezra!"

Ezra jumped at the sound of his name and dropped his cell phone. It broke on impact. He turned around to see Chris, Vin and Nathan sitting on his couch. He unconsciously allowed his shoulders to slump and walked to the large chair that had been placed to the left of the sofa when he first moved in. He fell into it heavily and leaned his head back.

"How long have you been here?" Ezra asked them without looking at them. He couldn't be bothered.

"About six hours." Chris answered then turned to Vin who was sitting between him and Nathan. "It's been six hours hasn't it Vin?"

"Yep, I reckon six hours is about right. What do you think Nathan?" Vin asked the heavier man who sat next to him.

"Six hours and twelve minutes actually." Nathan corrected them.

"Sorry, I must have slept through the alarm." Ezra's excuse was a cliché but they believed it. There was no reason for them not to.

Nathan watched the undercover agent closely, something was wrong but he couldn't put his finger on it. Ezra seemed different but he wasn't sure in what way. He was slightly pale with flushed cheeks. Nathan decided to take a closer look. He stood up and moved to the chair that Ezra occupied. Ezra was still leaning back and his eyes were now closed. He placed a large hand against the smaller man's forehead. There was a slight fever.

"You feelin' alright Ezra?" Nathan asked him as he kept his hand against the warm flesh of the Southerner's forehead.

"Just tired Nathan." Ezra answered the question without an argument.

Now Nathan knew there was something wrong. Ezra always put up an argument, and a good one at that, when his health was questioned. "You sure, you've got a fever Ezra."

"I'm probably just hot after spending all day in bed."

Nathan didn't agree with him. "You hungry?"

"No."

"When did you last eat?" Nathan continued to question the tired man before him.

"Why all the questions Nathan?" Ezra opened one eye and looked up at Nathan. He used his right hand to remove the larger man's hand from his face.

"Answer him Ezra." Chris ordered him. He got up from the sofa and moved towards Nathan. He sat on the arm of the comfortable chair and looked down at his agent. He used his own hand to confirm Nathan's diagnosis.

Ezra frowned in concentration. "Day before yesterday."

"Any particular reason why you haven't eaten." Nathan tried to keep the anger out of his voice. Ezra wasn't the source of his growing anger, the reason for the lack of appetite was. Agent Horris Porter.

"I've been too tired to eat, can't be bothered going through the effort of cooking and eating." Ezra explained then yawned.

"You still tired?" Nathan began to feel uneasy.

"Yes." Ezra didn't know why. He'd gone to bed as soon as he got home. That was five thirty yesterday afternoon. He had slept for nearly twenty four hours. Maybe he had slept too much, sometimes that can make you tired.

"How do you feel physically?"

"Tired, like I have no energy what'so'ever." Ezra looked at Chris then Nathan. "You guys mind if I go back to bed, I know you came to . . . "

"Your not going anywhere until you eat something, even if it's just a sandwich." Nathan headed to the kitchen knowing that Chris and Vin would make sure that the Southerner didn't go anywhere. He searched the fridge to find nothing edible. The cupboards were next. Empty. He shook his head. The man must have eaten everything there was and didn't buy anything more. If they left him to it he would have starved to death. He walked back to the living room.

"Vin, you wanna help Ezra back to bed."

Chris frowned at Nathan when Ezra didn't refuse the help. He waited and watched as Vin helped remove Ezra from his comfortable position in the chair. His eyes followed his agents until they dissappeared behind the bedroom door. "What's wrong Nathan?"

"For a start there's nothing in the kitchen to eat. I'll send Vin out to the grocery store when he comes out. As for Ezra, I'm not sure Chris but I think we should make an appointment for him to see the ATF Doctor tomorrow."

Ezra woke the next morning feeling slightly nauseas, his head felt like someone had kicked it during the night. He forced himself to roll over. He wanted to be able to see the alarm clock when his eyes cleared themselves of the fine mist that made his vision blury. It took longer than he expected. The numbers on the clock told him that it was 10:45.

"Good Lord." He moaned and was surprised at the coarse whisper that spoke the two words. He swallowed and winced at the sorness that was there. It felt as though his throat was on fire. Must be coming down with the flu he thought to himself.

He sat up in bed and put his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. He didn't even have the strength to keep his head up. He didn't move when he heard a gentle knock on his bedroom door. A second knock came, he couldn't be bothered to answer the request someone was making to enter his room. He remembered that three of his friends were here yesterday. One of them must have stayed the night.

"Ezra? You awake?" It was Chris' voice on the other side of the door.

Ezra felt a slight relief in the knowledge that Nathan wasn't still here. He liked Nathan, they got on well but . . . well he was like a mother hen sometimes. He had a way of makings things seem worse than they actually were. He only had a bit of a cold. Nathan would make out that he had a serious case of the flu and that he would need to stay in bed for a week and be looked after. The Southerner cringed at the thought.

"Just open the door and have a look!." The voice had a hint of frustration in it.

He couldn't help but smile. Vin had stayed as well. They must be worried about him. God it was good to finally have friends that cared about him. But these men weren't just friends, they were family, something he never had before in his life. He had a mother but he wouldn't really call her family. A sewer rat would treat him with more respect, kindness and love.

"Get out of the way, I'll check him."

Ezra's smile left his visage, he groaned and forced his head up then waited for the mother hen to enter his room. He turned to look at Nathan and forced the smile back onto his face. Vin and Chris followed the dark man into the room, their chins were nearly resting on the ex-medics shoulders. The smile became real.

"Three mother hens." The dryness in his throat caused him to cough.

"You okay Ezra?" Nathan sat down next to him and put his hand against the smaller man's forehead. The fever was worse but not dangerous.

"Need a drink of water."

Vin rushed into the bathroom and returned with a glass of cold water. He placed it into Ezra's out stretched hand. He couldn't help but notice the hand was trembling. He went to help him before he spilt it but Ezra practically growled at his attempt of assistance.

"Ezra you can have a shower while I'm making you some breakfast. You have an appointment at twelve thirty." Nathan stood up and walked to the door.

Ezra watched him leave the room. The mother hen wanted him to have a shower. Hell he had trouble holding a glass of water. How was he going to manage having a shower. He looked up at Chris then Vin. Like hell. He would have to do it himself, he wasn't going to ask for help.

"What appointment?" He asked Chris as an afterthought.

"Doctor." Chris smiled at the grimace that appeared on his agent's face. Ezra hated Doctors. "You need help with . . . "

"No I don't thank you very much. I am quite capable of doing it myself. I am not sick!" Ezra pushed himself off the bed and walked into the bathroom.

He slammed the door behind him then leaned against it. He felt awful. He moved to the shower stall and turned the water on, he waited until the steam began to escape from behind the shower curtain to cover the mirror with a moist mist. He removed his trousers and boxer shorts then threw them into the already overflowing laundry basket. Now that the case was over he would be able to get some of the laundry done. He weakened at the thought.

He stepped into the shower and didn't pull the shower screen across. He allowed the hot water to soak through his hair and run down his body. It felt good at the beginning but the heat and steam began to make him feel sick, he felt even weaker. Dizziness took control of him and he feared he was going to black out. He leaned against the cool tiles but it didn't help. He turned the hot water off, the heat stopped but the feeling that he was going to faint didn't.

"Ezra you need any help?" Nathan called through the door.

He wanted to say yes, to tell Nathan that he felt sick, that he was going to faint and hit his head on the basin. He didn't have to. When he didn't answer Nathan's question the door opened and the larger man walked in.

"What's wrong Ezra?"

"I think I'm going to be sick, that's if I don't collapse first." He couldn't ignore it anymore. "I feel like hell Nathan."

"Let's get you out of there Ezra." Nathan grabbed a towl and wrapped it around Ezra's naked waist. He put an arm around the undercover agent and helped him back to his bed. He allowed Ezra to sit down.

"The heat just made me feel worse." Ezra muttered.

"Let's dry you off then get you into to bed." Nathan went into the bathroom and got a second towl. He came back and began to dry Ezra's hair. The smaller man leaned his weight against him. "I'll call the Doctor and ask him to come here."

"I don't think I could walk out of here Nathan." Ezra looked up at him. "I don't have any energy left and it's an effort to think."

"You'll be okay Ezra." Nathan helped him to lie down then covered him with his quilt. He removed the towl. "Think you could stay awake to eat something?"

It was a futile question. Ezra was asleep already.

Nathan stood outside of Ezra's bedroom door, he placed his ear against the door hoping to hear some sort of indication that the undercover agent was awake. There was no sound. He opened the door and looked through the small opening he had created. He could see that Ezra was fast asleep. The agent was lying on his right side, his mouth was open slightly as he continued to breath. The hair that was still slightly damp stuck up in different areas giving him the impression that Ezra had taken it upon himself to get a spiked hair cut.

Nathan opened the door wider to allow the Doctor to enter the room. He followed him in and shut the door to stop the others from entering the bedroom. The ex-medic didn't want to disturb Ezra's sleep, he knew the younger man needed it, if he didn't he wouldn't have slept so much over the last forty two hours.

"He'll be hard to wake up, always is, even when he's healthy." Nathan warned the Doctor as he sat down on the side of the double be that was empty.

"I came prepared." Doctor Renneth pulled out a small bottle of smelling salts.

Nathan chuckled as he watched the Doctor wake Ezra up. He decided that he was going to carry one himself. Ezra's features began to screw up at the foul smell that assaulted his breathing passages. Nathan gently took the hand that tried to push the offending smell away.

"Ezra, it's Nathan. I want you to wake up."

"I assume by the smell," Ezra stopped so he could yawn, "that Buck made breakfast."

"No he didn't." Nathan began to shake his shoulder while the Doctor continued to wave the smelling salts under his nose.

"Come on Mr Standish. I need you to be awake when I examine you." Doctor Renneth used a serious tone.

Ezra opened one eye, the other one was hidden by the pillow. He looked at the Doctor and groaned at the sight. The man reminded him of Marcus Welby except he was older than the television character. He closed his eye again. "I'm not sick, I'm just tired."

"Why don't you let me make that decision." Renneth pushed Ezra's mouth closed forcing him to breath through his nose. It only took one breath, his patient immediately sat up and pushed the smelling salts away from his face.

Ezra gagged at the smell. He was feeling sick enough as it was, the smelling salts were about to make it worse. "Are you trying to make me sick?"

"You already are Ezra. Remember, this morning, you told me that you felt like hell." Nathan helped his friend to lie back down again.

"Oh yeah, I did forget." Ezra lifted his hands to rub his eyes but after only a few seconds he allowed them to fall back to the bed. "Gawd Nathan, I don't even have the strength to lift my arms."

"You want to tell me what else is wrong?" The Doctor began to examine his patient while he listened to the symptoms that were given to him by Ezra and Nathan. The ex-medic filled in the gaps that Ezra left open.

Ezra thought the Doctor wasn't really listening, he seemed too busy doing other things. He took Ezra's pulse, blood pressure, checked his eyes and throat. Then he made him sit up so he could listen to his breathing and heart beat. The Doctor then began to ask questions. He wanted to know about Ezra's previous case, how long it went for, was he under a lot of stress. He also asked about the undercover agent's personal life, if there was anything that would cause him stress. Ezra lied and told him no, he wasn't about to start discussing his mother. He thought that was the end of it until he saw the needle.

"What's that for?" Ezra began to shift towards Nathan hoping that the larger man would protect him.

"Blood test." Was all Renneth would say.

"Why do I need a blood test?"

"Just to be safe. I know what's wrong with you but this is just routine." The Doctor explained.

"If you know what's wrong with me then you don't need to take blood." Ezra retorted.

"Is it what I thought?" Nathan asked the Doctor.

"Yes. I've seen it before with other agents. It's not unusual." The Doctor reluctantly put the needle away. He could tell by the agent's look of determination that he would have a fight on his hands even if the man was lacking in strength.

"Mind telling me what it is." Ezra didn't like being talked about as if he wasn't there. It had happened too often over the last six weeks. It wasn't going to start again.

"Burnout." Nathan and Renneth spoke at once.

"What's burnout?" Ezra yawned again.

"It's stress related . . ." the Doctor began.

"I don't get stressed." Ezra argued.

"The last six weeks haven't been easy for you Ezra. You've worked long hours. Porter didn't make the job any easier. And we know you haven't been sleeping or eating much."

"Ezra let me explain it too you." The Doctor made himself more comfortable. "Burnout is the loss of mental and physical energy following a period of prolonged job related stress. It can sometimes show itself through a physical illness, the symptoms that you gave tell me that you have a cold but it's part of the whole illness. Your motivation and incentive can also become extinct."

"I've had longer cases than this and ones that have been a lot worse. This has never happened to me before." Ezra couldn't believe he was feeling this way because of stress.

"You didn't have Porter breathing down your neck on the other cases Ezra." Nathan informed him.

"I want you to see a psychologist that I know." Renneth took out a pen and a business card and began to write down a name and number.

"I don't need to see a shrink!" Ezra growled at him.

"I don't care what you think. I am going to recommend it in my report. You won't have a choice Mr Standish. Besides it's what you need. The psychologist will try and find out the cause of the stress and show you how to deal with it." He handed Nathan the card. "Apart from that you'll need plenty of rest and after a week or so you can start doing some light exercise. But don't over do it."

"Aw hell!" Ezra exclaimed. "A week. How long am I going to stay like this?"

"Can be anywhere from a week to six months. It all depends on you Ezra." Renneth told him.

"It's not your fault Ezra. This can happen to anyone." Nathan patted his shoulder.

"It didn't happen to anyone Nathan, it happened to me!"

"Get some rest Ezra. I'll be back in a minute with something for you to eat." Nathan didn't like the false facade that Ezra had put in place. It meant that he was hiding what he was feeling. His attitude wasn't going to help him get better.

Ezra closed his eyes and turned away from Nathan. He didn't understand what was going on. He had never been bothered by stress, if anything he thrived during his undercover work. He thought about his mother. She had tried all his life but never succeeded in breaking him. If he was stressed it wasn't caused by work or his mother. But what else could it be he thought to himself. Maybe it was the rest of the team. He didn't think of it as a bad thing. Family and friends were things that he had never had before, that was until he was transferred to the Denver ATF. He had gone through a lot of emotion torture trying to stop these men from getting close to him. But they had never given up. He had become physically ill at times when they had pushed him too far. Then he cracked, he could remember that three day weekend well, it was a period of time that he was never going to forget.

Five Months Earlier

"EZRA STANDISH! YOU GET YOUR UNSOCIABLE BUTT OUT HERE NOW!" Chris Larabee's voice boomed through the office.

The only body in the group that flinched was Ezra Standish. His form jerked in surprise and his morning coffee spilt all over the report he had just finished printing out. He decided to make his boss wait, it was the thing he did best. He got a certain enjoyment out of agonising Larabee. He counted to twenty then walked out of his office. He could see the rest of the team watching him. Their faces were covered in smirks. Buck Wilmington actually turned away and burst out into laughter. JD slapped him on the back then joined him.

Ezra was too busy watching his team mates to see the piece of luggage that sat outside Larabee's office. He tripped over it and fell flat on his face. "Hell!" It was only nine thirty on Friday morning and it was already proving to be a lousy day. What Ezra didn't know was that it was going to get a lot worse. If he had known what was going to be on the agenda he would have driven his car into a pole on the way to work because dying was a lot easier than trying deal with people who wanted to be your friend.

Ezra twisted around to see what he'd tripped over. His handsome features frowned in confusion. It was his bag. He knew he hadn't brought it into work. He sat up and unzipped the bag, it was full of his clothes and toilet accessories. "What the hell . . ."

"I see your ready to go." Chris Larabee stood in the doorway of his office. "Here, your going to need your coat." Chris threw a thick wool lined jacket to his undercover agent.

"Ready? Ready to go where? I didn't know I was on a case." Ezra spoke quickly.

"Your not. We have the day off so we're going to my place for the weekend." Chris knelt down so he could look Ezra in the eye. "And your coming with us."

Ezra stuttered for a moment then found his voice. "I can't, I . . . "

"No excuses this time Ezra. Your coming even if we have to cuff you and throw you in the back." He grabbed the Southerner's arm and pulled him to his feet. Chris nodded to Vin who took the other arm and they both led the protesting agent to the elevator.

Ezra continued to protest from his position in the back seat. Josiah sat at his left and Nathan on his right. He knew he wasn't going to be able to escape from this awkward predicament. God he was going to hate this. By the time the weekend was finished his sarcastic attitude was going to get him transferred. He wasn't going to be able to handle this, he couldn't deal with friendship, the thought of it made him ill. He was also afraid of it. What if he opened himself up and allowed them in? What if they didn't like the real Ezra Standish? What if he wasn't capable of being a friend? He'd never had the opportunity before.

"You alright back there Ezra? You've gone quite on us." Chris looked in his rear view mirror. His agent looked pale.

"I feel sick." Ezra told him. It was something that always happened when they pushed him like this.

"Better stop the car Chris." Nathan suggested. "I don't want him throwing up all over me."

Chris pulled over to the side of the road and waited silently while Nathan opened the door and got out. Ezra moved quickly and pushed Nathan out of the way. He'd made it just in time. His breakfast rose into his throat and he almost choked on it. He opened his mouth and allowed it to come out. His stomach muscles contracted violently. It was a few minutes before it was over. He stood bent over with his hands on his thighs. Saliva dripped from his mouth. He felt a damp cloth as it was placed against the back of his neck and another one began to wipe his mouth and face. He pushed the hand away. He didn't need people to look after him, he was quite capable of doing that himself.

"Just trying to help Ezra." Nathan rubbed the Southerner's back in support.

"I don't need that kind of help!" Here we go Ezra thought to himself. My defenses have started already. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Doing what?" Nathan frowned at him.

Ezra didn't answer. He straightened up and removed the cloth from his neck. He wiped his own face then handed the damp material back to it's owner. "Let's get this over with shall we." He walked back to the car and got in. Ezra ignored the concern on the faces that looked at him. He pulled his steel rimmed sunglasses from his pocket and put them on. He leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. He could already feel a bad headache starting behind his eyes.

It was another two hours before they reached Chris' cabin. Ezra had fallen asleep and his head now rested on Josiah's shoulder. The ex-preacher had noticed the sheen of sweat that lined Ezra's forehead. Nathan checked Ezra at Josiah's request and found that he had a slight fever. It wasn't serious but he was going to keep an eye on the younger man. He hoped that Ezra wasn't going to spend the weekend in bed. That wasn't what they had brought him up here for.

"Rise and shine Ezra!" Josiah nudged him with the shoulder he rested on. "We're here."

"Why?" Ezra groaned as he forced his eyes to open.

"Fresh air, good food and the company of friends." Josiah lifted his shoulder.

Ezra became aware of what he was using as a pillow and bolted upright. "Sorry."

"That's okay Ezra. You can use my shoulder anytime." He looked at his friend. "And I mean that Ezra."

Ezra frowned at him then looked away. He struggled to get his sleep ridden body out of the vehicle. Someone took his arm and helped him out. He looked up to see Vin smiling down at him. Why do they have to be so happy all the time? he asked himself. He looked around the area that surrounded Chris' cabin. The trees were large and green, he'd seen trees before but not like these. He turned towards the lake when he saw the sun reflecting off it. It was as still as glass.

"Come on Ezra. Let's get unpacked." Vin slapped him on the shoulder.

Ezra winced as the momentum made his headache grow in volume for a few seconds. He followed Vin towards the steps that lead up to the front door. He heard the second car pull up. He groaned at the loudness of Buck and JD's voices. What he needed was a hot cup of coffee, some pain killers and a bed. He wanted it to be his own bed. But he knew he wasn't going to get either. If he admitted to not feeling well then they would treat him as a sick person. They would smother him with concern, put him to bed and probably spoon feed him with chicken soup. He wouldn't be able to deal with that.

"You okay Ezra?" Nathan asked. He hoped the Southerner would admit to being sick. He had checked his fever again before they had arrived. It wasn't any worse but it hadn't improved either.

"I'm fine." Ezra lied. He wasn't fine. He was scared to death of what might be going on. They brought him here for a reason. It wasn't social because they wouldn't put up with him and the way he pushed them away just for a social event. No, they were up to something and he knew he wasn't going to like it.

"Who's up for some lunch?" Buck asked as he got out of his car.

"You cooking?" Chris asked him.

"Hell no. You know I can't cook." Buck grinned back at him. "Thought Ezra might like to cook seein' how it's his first time here."

"Ezra's a guest. He's not doing anything but watching." Chris winked back.

Ezra saw the exchange of looks. They were definitely up to something. The question was what.

"You coming Ezra." Chris turned at the top of the steps and waited for him.

"Do I have a choice." Ezra scowled at him.

"Nope." Chris didn't allow his expression to falter. They knew what they would be going up against when they decided to do this but they'd made a decision. They were going to use the weekend to make Ezra aware of what he was missing. What he wasn't willing to allow himself to become a part of. They knew he was afraid. They just had to make him see that there was nothing to be afraid of. He just hoped they got through the weekend without killing him.

"It'll be fun Ezra." JD told him as he walked past.

"It depends on what you consider to be fun." Ezra grumbled. "Me, now I would rather spend the weekend with a gun dealer who was aware of my real profession."

"You don't mean that do you Ezra?" Josiah stopped at his side. He couldn't see Ezra's eyes so before the Southerner could stop him he reached out and removed the sunglasses from his face. He saw the fear before it disappeared. "It won't be that bad Ezra. If it gets too much for you let me know and I'll get them to back off."

Ezra smiled slightly. It had already gotten to be too much for him, that's why he had thrown up earlier but he wasn't going to tell Josiah that. He didn't want to look weak in front of his associates. He followed Josiah up the stairs and into the cabin that was going to be a living hell for more than two days.

The afternoon didn't go well for Ezra Standish and things didn't get any better by the time darkness had surrounded the cabin and it's occupants. He watched silently as Chris Larabee moved around the cabin turning the false lights on. He looked around at the group of men who were huddled around the large table that had been set up behind the sofa. A deck of cards sat in the middle. He knew they intended to involve him in a game of poker. He wasn't going to play. They had tried to get him to go fishing earlier in the afternoon. He refused their offer with a polite refusal. When they tried to throw him into the lake he still refused in a polite manner. He had accepted Nathan's help when he asked them not to. He didn't know why Nathan had stopped them but he thanked him for his interference anyway.

He shifted his gaze to watch as Buck and JD boisterously entered through the archway that led to the spacious kitchen. Buck carried the beer and JD held onto the potato chips, cold pizza and peanuts as though his life depended on the foods safe arrival. Josiah followed them with a large pot of coffee and seven mugs. It seems that they planned on playing into the small hours of the night.

Ezra stretched and yawned, it was time for bed, even if he wasn't tired. His head still ached slightly and a small wave of nausea continued to roll around his stomach. He stood up and began to make his way to the spare room. He knew he was going to have an uncomfortable night on the lower bunk bed but it would be better than making conversation with six men that scared him. He felt comfortable keeping them at an arms length away from him. He cared about them, would give his life for them but he wasn't capable of getting close to them. He didn't know how to be a friend, he didn't know what he had to do to make them like him. He was afraid of messing it up.

"Going somewhere?" Chris placed a hand on Ezra's shoulder and spun him around then proceeded to shove him towards the card table.

"Bit tired, thought I'd go to bed, get an early night." Ezra tried to make excuses but it was useless. They weren't going to let him be alone.

"Ever played before Ezra?" Vin asked him after Chris pushed him down into the chair next to him.

"My mother tried to teach me the game." He told the truth. He had learnt well, he'd also been taught how to cheat. But his mother still claimed that he still had a lot to learn and when he was ready to come back she would teach him. He only used that talent when it was required of him, so far as part of Team Seven he hadn't needed to use it.

"I'm sure we can help you when you need it." Buck winked at JD. An easy victim he was thinking to himself.

"Why don't we take it easy on Ezra to start with. Maybe let him win a few games first." Nathan suggested as he looked over at the undercover agent. He could see that Ezra was still pale. He knew that if the others had succeeded in throwing him into the freezing water he would have ended up with a nasty cold.

"There is no need to do that. I think I am quite capable of holding my own in this game." Ezra decided that he was not going to hold back. If he won all their money they might not invite him to play again.

"If that's what you want Ez." Buck grinned at him.

"My name is not Ez Mr Wilmington it is Ezra." Ezra corrected him. He'd always hated the shorter version of his name.

"Sure Ezra." Buck continued to smile, he wasn't offended by Ezra's retort. Once the Southerner accepted them as friends then he would accept the affectionate term.

Ezra easily won the first three games. The others thought that the dealer was allowing him to win. After the Southerner won five out the next seven they were beginning to suspect they were being conned. One hour later the game was over. Ezra collected his money while the others watched him.

"Your pretty good at something your mother tried to teach you." Chris continued to watch as Ezra picked up the money that he'd lost.

"She thinks that there is still more for me to learn." Ezra shrugged his left shoulder.

"Really." Vin smiled at Chris. "Next time you won't be so lucky."

"Next time?"

"Yeah, we do this once a month." Josiah saw the look of fear that flickered through Ezra's eyes. He felt a touch of affection for the younger man. Ezra seemed to fear the act of friendship.

"I think it's time we all got some sleep. It's going to be a long day tomorrow." Chris reminded them.

"Why?"

"Nature walk." JD's enthusiasm made Ezra cringe at the thought.

"You mean out there," he pointed towards the outdoors, "with the fly's, and bugs and spiders and snakes and . . . and the dirt."

"Yep." Chris slapped him on the back as he got up.

"Oh great!" Ezra moaned."

Ezra sat on the upper step while the others tried to convince him to go with them. Chris tried the threat of violence. Josiah used a gentle approach, it didn't work. JD tried to convince him that it would be fun. Nathan told him that the fresh air would do him good because he was still a little pale after his experience in the car the day before. Ezra flat out refused to go with them. If they wanted him to go they would have to carry him. The six men gave up in the end and went without him.

Ezra watched them leave as a group. He felt the pain of loss, they had given up on him. Maybe the rest of the weekend would be spent in peaceful solitude. He couldn't have been more wrong. He waited until the figures disappeared then stood up and stretched his back. His green eyes looked around the area for something that may occupy his mind. There was nothing. He saw the fishing poles leaning against the wall. He didn't go fishing with the others yesterday because he didn't know how to. He didn't want the others to know that.

The Southerner began to walk towards the lake. The early morning sun reflected off it. It was a beautiful sight. He didn't know where he was going until he got there. He stood at the end of the jetty and looked down at his reflection. What he saw was a lonely man. A man who was afraid to make friends, to make a commitment where people would depend on him for emotional support. Ezra sat down and took his shoes and socks off. He rolled his trousers up and placed his feet into the water. He winced as the chill of the water bit at his skin.

His thoughts began to wonder back to his childhood and the difficulty he had making friends. On the times he had succeeded his mother violently ripped him from his environment and sent him somewhere else where he had to start all over again. After a while he stopped, he didn't want to make a friend only to loose them. He was afraid of losing these men. Ezra wasn't aware of the person standing behind him. His existence didn't register in his mind until Josiah sat down next to him.

"You okay Ezra?" Josiah's soft voice was full of concern for his friend.

"No." Ezra didn't look up, he continued to stare at the reflection of his visage in the water.

"Want to talk about it?" Josiah didn't want to push the younger man, he knew if he did that Ezra would shut him out and refuse to discuss anything about what was wrong.

"Not now Josiah." There was no anger in Ezra's voice.

"Mind if I just sit here with you then?" Josiah hoped his request wasn't refused.

"No." Ezra moved his feet and watched as the ripples distorted his image. "Josiah, did you ever have a hard time making friends?"

"All the time. My height was a problem at school. The other kids thought I was a freak. They wouldn't allow me to be a friend. Just wanted to pick on me all the time. So I went through most of my life without them."

"You didn't have friends?"

"No I didn't." Josiah chanced a glance at Ezra. He didn't like what he saw. "These guys were my first true friends, they accepted me for who I am. They may make it look easy Ezra but it isn't. Chris was like you. He didn't want to get close, not after what happened to his family. He was afraid that if he made friends he'd loose them. Now he regrets not doing it sooner. We're like a family now Ezra and we want you to be a part of it."

"Don't know if I can." Ezra muttered.

"You can only try Ezra."

"And if it doesn't work out, then what, you'll get rid of me."

"It'll work out Ezra." Josiah sounded confident. He knew it was what Ezra wanted, he just had to allow himself to have it.

"Ezra, there's something I have to tell you." Josiah was going to enjoy the reaction.

"What?" Ezra finally looked at him.

"They have a game of football planned for this afternoon and they intend making you a part of it, even if they have to use physical force."

"Football? Will this hell never end." Ezra groaned and hung his head. He heard Josiah laughing beside him.

Josiah stood to the side talking to Chris, his light grey eyes flicked over to Ezra. They had to come up with a plan to get him into the game. The rest of the team were ready, each man wore his sweats while Ezra still dressed in his jeans and white short sleeved shirt. It had gotten warmer as the day wore on. "Why don't we just ask him." Chris decided.

"That will give him a choice. Yes or No." Josiah shook his head. "We don't want him to have a choice."

Chris nodded in agreement. "Someone has to get hurt."

"What?" Josiah was shocked.

"In the game, if someone gets hurt then we'll be one short. Ezra won't have a choice." Chris gave Josiah his best evil grin.

"I'll do it." Josiah told him.

"We let the others in on the plan then." Chris nudged him.

Josiah had convinced Ezra to at least watch the game, maybe watching would change his mind about playing. Like hell. The older man had just smiled at the answer. Ezra sat comfortably in a chair and sipped on a cold beer. This was as active as he was going to get today. He looked up when he heard someone cry out in pain. Josiah was lying on the ground holding on to his left ankle.

"Looks like the game is over." Ezra watched as Chris and Nathan helped Josiah towards him.

"Ezra, your going to have to take Josiah's place." Chris told him as they helped Josiah to sit down.

"Thank you but no." Ezra saluted him with his beer then took a large drink from the bottle.

"Sorry Ezra, you've got no choice." Chris grabbed an arm and pulled the undercover agent to his feet.

"I believe I do." Ezra retaliated.

"Come on Ezra, the guys are all hyped up, they need to release their frustrations." Nathan told him. "They'll only end up fighting later on."

"I am not going to play football."

"Why not? You'll enjoy it." Josiah told him.

"I doubt that very much." Ezra growled at him.

"Five minutes, see how you go. If you don't like it then we'll play without you." Chris pushed him towards the others.

"Why don't you play without me now." Ezra planted his feet firmly on the ground.

"Your playing and that's an order!" Chris growled at him and shoved him towards his fellow team members.

"What didn't he just order him in the first place." Nathan muttered as he followed them.

"Don't worry Ezra, we won't let you get too dirty." JD laughed.

Ezra glared at the younger man. Anger was the only thing he was feeling right now. Vin stood on his other side. "Isn't this a bit one sided." Ezra commented. "All the larger people seem to be on the other side."

"They prefer brawn, we prefer brains and agility." Vin hoped that Ezra knew what he was getting into. But then again how would he. The man had never seen one of their games before.

Vin moved up into his position and JD stood behind him. Ezra saw Buck and Chris do the same thing. Nathan stood beside Chris. Ezra decided that he would have to do the same. He stepped forward to stand next to Vin. He didn't know what to do when Nathan growled at him.

"Your mother wears army boots." Nathan spat at him.

"How did you know?" Ezra asked him.

He listened as Chris counted down then throw the ball backwards between his legs. Before he realised what was happening Nathan charged forward, lifted him off his feet and slammed him into the ground.

"Bit slow to react Ezra." Nathan patted his chest then ran after his team mates.

"This is football." Ezra groaned. He struggled to get up then turned around to see Chris jumping around with the ball in his hand.

"Didn't hurt you did I?" Nathan laughed as he ran past.

"That's okay Ezra, we'll get them next time." Vin pulled him back into position.

This time he faced Buck. The ladies man had a smile that reached from ear to ear. They had planned this all along. He thought he was prepared this time but didn't expect the onslaught of Buck Wilmington. The air was forced from his lungs as he landed on his back. Ezra refused to move when someone reached down to help him up.

"Ezra the guys are waiting." Chris pulled the Southerner to his feet. "Your doing fine. We've scored twice now thanks to you. We should get you to play more often."

"Not in my life time." Ezra growled under his breath.

"Why don't you swap positions with me Ezra." JD suggested.

Ezra reluctantly agreed. At least he couldn't get hurt in that position. All he had to do was throw the ball. How hard could that be. He stood behind Vin and waited for the ball. It came sooner than he expected. He lifted his arm to throw the ball but two bodies slamming into him stopped him from releasing it. He fell in a heap with the weight of Nathan and Buck on him.

"Get the hell off me!" Ezra yelled at them.

"You okay Ezra?" Buck couldn't take the smile off his face.

"Just get off me Buck!" Ezra tried to push the heavier man off him but he failed in his attempts.

"Get off him Buck." Nathan grabbed the back of his pants and pulled him off Ezra who was still trying to get up.

When he did manage it he began to walk back to the cabin. He only managed to take four steps when Chris stopped him. Ezra pulled out of his grip and turned to face him. "I will no longer submit myself to that."

"It's only a game Ezra. We just get a bit rough sometimes." Chris tried to pull him back into the game.

"A bit. It doesn't feel like a bit to me." Ezra turned on his heel and walked away.

Ezra stormed past Josiah, he wasn't going to stop now. The small wave of nausea he had yesterday suddenly became a tidal wave. He ran to the bathroom and fell to his knees. His stomach emptied itself for the second time in two days. He heard someone enter the room behind him. He didn't stop to look up, his stomach wouldn't allow it.

"Did you hit your head Ezra?" Josiah moved forward and sat on the edge of the bath. He reached over for a hand towel and turned the cold water on. He held it under the cold water then rung it out. He placed it on the back of Ezra's neck and waited patiently for him to finish.

Ezra sat back on his heels and leaned against the shower stall. "No. This is called fear."

"Your afraid of football?" Josiah was confused.

"How can you be afraid of something you've never played before." Ezra grimaced at his admittance. Sometimes Josiah had a way of getting him to talk without trying.

"You haven't played before?"

"Didn't have anyone to play with. When we lined up to get picked, well, I was that kid that was always left to last. Even then they would rather play with one person short than let me play. They thought I would cheat."

"Why didn't you just say so Ezra."

"I didn't want to look stupid in front of everyone." Ezra looked down at his feet in embarrassment. "Weak too, it would show them how weak I am."

"Ezra they're your friends. They won't think that."

"Are they?"

"Ezra if they didn't want to be your friend they wouldn't be going through all this trouble for you. They understand what it must be like for you. Chris and Vin thought that if you saw what it was like to have friends that it may help you to let go of your stubborn pride and join in."

"Join in. I can't even fish Josiah. I never had a father to teach me things when I was a kid. No older brother, no friends, only a mother that passed me around. I had to learn things on my own. Survival was more important than football or fishing."

"What are you afraid of Ezra?" Josiah stood up and stepped towards Ezra. He sat down next to the younger man and took the towel from the back of his neck. He knew Ezra wouldn't allow him to wipe his face so he handed him the small towel.

"I hide behind a wall Josiah, I'm afraid that if I let the real me out you won't like him. You'll ask me to leave. If I make the effort and somehow manage to succeed it will all be taken away from me."

"Your stuck with us for life Ezra. If we don't manage to get you to be more sociable by the time this weekend is over we'll just try something else. We won't give up on you Ezra. You'll just have to face your fears and give it a go. We're here to help you. You won't have to do it on your own. Chris knows how hard it is for you, it was hard for him but he managed. You'll manage too Ezra." He stood up and reached down with his hand. "Come on, let's go and teach you how to play football."

"Who's side will you be on?" Ezra looked at the hand that was being offered to him.

"Your's." He smiled when Ezra took his hand and allowed him to help him up. "Nathan and Buck are due some payback and I know just how to do it."

Ezra remembered spending the rest of the afternoon playing football. The others had been patient with him and taught him the rules of the game. He had become quite good at it. His agility allowed him to get around the larger men. He had been covered in bruises by the time they finished but he had enjoyed himself. The next day Vin and Josiah took him out onto the lake and taught him how to fish. He repaid the act of friendship by giving them some tips on the fine art of poker. They played again that night but it was for match sticks only. Ezra still won the majority of match sticks but Josiah and Vin weren't far behind him.

Present Day

Chris Larabee paced on the other side of the bedroom door. He was like a mother waiting on news of her injured child. He even chewed on a finger nail while he was waiting. He constantly ran one hand through his hair in an agitated manner. He didn't like waiting, he hated waiting. Especially when one of his men were involved. He placed both hands on his hips and changed direction. He ignored the smell of coffee brewing, he didn't need anymore energy, not now. He was worried about Ezra, scared even, he didn't know what was wrong with him. He was terrified of loosing a member of his second family.

"Ezra's not going to like that hole your making in his carpet." Vin spoke behind a hand that hid his eyes from the others. He too was worried about the man that took them six months to bring out from behind the wall he had hidden behind all his life. Ezra had finally allowed them in and now there was something wrong with him.

"He'll be okay, I know he will." Josiah assured them.

"How do you know Josiah?" JD asked from the kitchen. He was helping Buck to make the coffee, anything that would keep him occupied.

"Because he has to be. We didn't go through all that trouble just to loose him now."

"He's sick not dying!" Buck growled at them. "He's probably just got a cold, that's all."

"What the hell is taking them so long!" Chris stopped at the door. He wanted to kick it open and storm into the room and demand to know what was wrong with his undercover agent.

"Give them time Chris." Vin looked up at the back of his closest friend. He could see the slumped shoulders and the look of defeat in his body language. "He's going to be fine."

"God I hope so." Chris folded his arms across his chest and continued to wait.

Fifteen minutes later the door finally opened. Nathan and the Doctor exited the room but Chris didn't give them a chance to catch their breaths.

"Well?" He demanded.

"He's going to be fine Chris." Nathan took his leader's arm and led him to the couch. He pushed him down next to Vin then sat opposite him on the coffee table. He waited for Buck and JD to join them. "Ezra's got what's called Burnout. He's lost his mental and physical energy which would be due to a period of prolonged job related stress. We know what it's been like for Ezra on this case and Porter made it worse for him. It comes out as a physical illness, he also has the flu, it's not bad at the moment but it could get worse." Nathan looked at Renneth who nodded. The Doctor also thought that the cold symptoms would get worse. "To put it bluntly he has no energy, mentally or physically and it might take a while for it to come back."

"In the meantime I want him to see a psycologist to determine what exactly caused the stress then you can try and delete it from his work or personal life." Renneth told them.

"He left a couple of days ago." Chris' tone was full of disgust.

"We're going to have to stay with him twenty four hours a day to take care of him because he won't have the energy to do it himself. I know he won't like it but once his energy starts returning we can give him time on his own." Nathan explained to them.

"How long is a while Nathan?" Josiah asked.

"Doctor Renneth says it could be anywhere from a week to six months. The sooner we get rid of the reason for his stress the quicker he'll get better." He saw Chris open his mouth to say something and he knew what it was going to be. "We still have to elimate everything Chris, there might be something that we don't know about. You know Ezra keeps a lot of things to himself."

Chris nodded in defeat. He knew Ezra would hate the idea of seeing a psycologist. "How did he take it?"

"You know Ezra." Nathan knew the simple statement would tell them what they needed to know.

"Yeah, we know Ezra." Chris knew exactly how Ezra would be taking it. The man would think that he failed at something, that he had been to weak to fight the unkown enemy that was growing within him. It would also put him into a very bad mood. Even though he accepted them as friends and had become a good friend to them he still hated the idea of someone taking care of him. He seemed to have this obession about being weak and failing if he was incapable of taking care of himself. It made him angry and he took that anger out on the world and the people around him. They were in for a difficult fight.

Doctor Renneth handed Nathan the card. "Make an appointment for Friday, he'll probably sleep the next few days. If his cold does get worse then give me a call and I'll come back to see him. If not then I'll be back in a week to see how he's going."

"Thanks Doctor." Nathan stood up to show him out.

The other men gave their thanks but stayed where they were. Vin noticed Chris looking towards Ezra's bedroom door. He seemed to be hesitant about going in to see his friend. "Go and talk to him Chris."

"He might not want to see any of us." Chris turned to look Vin in the eye.

"Since when has that stopped us or you for that matter." Vin smiled in encouragement. "I'll make some decent coffee and bring it in."

Chris nodded then stood up. A few minutes ago he would have done anything to get into that room but now he wasn't so sure anymore. He didn't know what he was going to say to him. The blond leader hesitated again outside the door. He knocked gently, he heard no answer so he knocked again and opened the door. Chris stepped into the room and closed the door behind him and instead of moving towards the bed he leaned back against it and watched his agent for a few seconds.

"Ezra?"

"I'm not in the mood for visitors Chris." Ezra spoke slowly.

"Nathan told us what's wrong." Chris pulled the chair that sat by the window closer to the bed. "You can't blame yourself Ezra, it could happen to anyone."

"That's what Nathan said." Ezra closed his eyes. "The Doctor want's me to see a psycologist." he hoped that Chris would say that he didn't have to.

"I agree with him. You need to talk about it Ezra."

"I'm not crazy Chris."

"No one said you were. I'll come with you if you want. You don't have to do this alone Ezra. Not that we would let you anyway. Your going to have to put up with us for a while."

"That's okay. If I have to go, I'm best going on my own. You know it's hard for me to talk about myself. I wouldn't be able to do it with you there."

"I'll wait outside then." Chris watched him. Ezra was being too calm about it all. "Your taking it remarkably well Ezra."

"I don't have the energy to be angry about it Chris. I just want to sleep."

"You want to eat something first?"

"Will I have to be spoon fed?" Ezra raised an eyebrow without opening his eyes.

"I don't know Ezra." He saw the smile crease Ezra's features, the Southerner thought he was joking.

Chris was dragged from his restful slumber by the sound of painful coughing. He was aware of the sound and it's source as he struggled to fully wake. He listened as the occupant in the other chair pushed himself up onto what he knew would be shaky legs. It had been like this for the last few days. Ezra's flu had gotten worse. He continued to wake due to the excessive coughing that tore through him. They had decided that two people should stay with him during the night so they wouldn't have to worry about the solitary person sleeping through the patient's unknown cries for help.

Even though he knew Nathan had gotten up to check on Ezra, Chris also wanted to be there for his friend. If he didn't see Ezra he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep because of the worry that would nag him for the rest of the night. He needed to make sure he was okay. He finally managed to wake up, the thick moisture of sleep filled the corners of his eyes. His hands rubbed the blue orbs dry as he made his way to the Southerner's room.

Chris opened the door to find Nathan helping Ezra to drink from a glass of water. Even in the softly lit room he could see how pale Ezra's features were. His cheeks were flushed with the redness of a fever and his damp hair clung to his scalp. Chris waited a moment before moving forward. He took the glass from Nathan's hand so he could help Ezra to lie back down again. Another hoarse cough echoed through the large room before Ezra rolled over and drifted back to sleep.

"I think I'll spend the rest of the night in here." Nathan whispered to the man who stood over him.

"Is he that bad?" Chris could hear the concern in his own voice. He had become comfortable about showing his friends that he cared. The leader of Team Seven actually went out of his way to show Ezra that he was worried about him, especially when Ezra didn't have the strength to politely tell him what he could do with his emotional intentions.

"I think he's going through the worst of it now. Once he gets past this stage he should start getting better. Well, his flu anyway."

"Want some coffee?" Chris smiled at him. Nathan wasn't going to sleep for the rest of night so neither was he. It wasn't a problem, they both had the next day off. It was Friday, the day of Ezra's appointment to see the pyscologist. Both Nathan and Chris had decided to go with him, both for emotional and physical support.

"Thanks." Nathan smiled in return then turned back to watch Ezra sleep.

"How come we didn't see it coming Nathan. How come we didn't stop Porter from hasseling Ezra the way he did. Why didn't Ezra tell us there was something wrong." He stood with his hands on his hips, his shoulders were slumped as though they were carrying the burden of what was happening to his undercover agent.

"You don't see it coming Chris. Porter was our superior, we didn't have a choice, we could have been transferred, suspended or even fired. And Ezra probably didn't know something was wrong." Nathan explained.

"I should have supported him more when it came to Porter. I should have stood up for Ezra." Chris could feel his anger starting to boil.

"You did Chris, you did everything you could. I think Ezra felt more at home, a part of the family because of what you and the rest of us were doing for him."

"He's really starting to settle in isn't he." Chris smiled as the building anger suddenly left him. The memory of the football game they had played when they forced Ezra to accompany them to his cabin replayed itself in his mind. Ezra hadn't known how to play. They'd spent twenty minutes teaching him the game then five hours playing it. The Southerner had been covered in bruises by the end of the game but he didn't complain. Instead he had walked around the rest of the night with a smug smile on his face. For the first time since they had met him he looked content.

"You sit with him Chris, I'll go and make the coffee." Nathan stood up and patted his leader and friend on the shoulder.

"Thanks Nathan." Chris took a deep breath then settled down into the chair that Nathan had vacated.

They had made sure that there would be enough comfortable chairs in the room so more than one person could spend some time with Ezra. The Southerner slept most of the time but they still wanted to be there for him. Even when he was awake he apologised for not being the host that he should be. They had never seen Ezra so quite before, he usually always had something to say but he hardly spoke after each apology. The conversations were one sided but no one took offense by it, they understood.

Buck took the opportunity to tell Ezra about his latest conquests. JD told him bad jokes and discussed the latest play station games with himself. He always did though because Ezra had never had any experience with video games and didn't want to. Josiah read Ezra's favourite books to him and told him about the most recent news events. Nathan sat in the chair and watched him as the minutes ticked by looking for any sign of improvement or deteriation. Vin wasn't one for talking much so he sat with Ezra in a comfortable silence. Chris spent the most time with the undercover agent. He had taken responsibility for what was happening to Ezra. Chris was going to help his agent through his ordeal if it took one week or six months.

Chris moved to the bed quickly when Ezra started to cough again. Ezra still lay on his side so Chris began to rub his back hoping that it would help ease the cough. He could feel Ezra's lungs heaving for breath between each bout of coughing. He winced in sympathy.

"I feel like shit." Ezra groaned to whoever was rubbing his back.

"You want some more water Ezra?" Chris removed his hand from Ezra's back and began to stand up.

"Keep going please, it's the only thing that feels good at the moment." Ezra muttered. His words were becoming slurred already.

Chris sat back down on the bed and began rubbing the warm back once more. If it made Ezra feel better then he wasn't going to let the feeling of embrassement stop him. He didn't stop when Nathan came back into the room.

"I heard him coughing again. He okay?" Nathan sat the coffee down on the bed side table. He brought three cups in case Ezra woke up again and wanted to indulge in something warm.

"Yeah. He said this felt good so I kept going with it." Chris smiled. His cheeks were slightly red with embarrassement.

"I won't tell anyone." Nathan assured him.

"That's because you know what will happen if you do." Chris threatened the ex-medic.

"I'm not ready to die yet." Nathan smiled.

Chris leaned over Ezra's shoulder and felt more at ease when he saw the relaxed features. Ezra's breathing had leveled out as he moved silently from the waking world to the peaceful darkness of sleep. Chris pulled another blanket up over the sleeping form and settled back down into his chair. He quietly thanked Nathan as he accepted the steaming cup of coffee.

"How do you think he'll go tomorrow?" Nathan asked as he sat down in the chair on the other side of the bed. He continued to watch Ezra as he listened to Chris' answer.

"I think he won't last more than five minutes. The guy will ask one question, Ezra will tell him off then leave." Chris laughed at the image but knew that it was a serious situation. "When he does I'll throw him back in and lock the door."

"Sounds like a plan to me." Nathan agreed with Chris' idea. Although he silently hoped that it wouldn't come to that.

The pyschologist's waiting room was softly furnished with comfortable chairs and the large green plants that sat in each corner of the room gave it a natural feeling. Fresh flowers gave off a sickly sweet smell that was making Ezra feel even worse. Landscape paintings lined the pale walls, they were meant to help the patients relax in an enviroment that they did not want to be in. Ezra was not relaxed.

He had been forced from his bed at an ungodly hour that he couldn't recall. He was literally forced fed a high protein breakfast. He was then given a bath by Nathan and Chris. They ignored his verbal protests and easily held his arms down while one of them scrubed his flesh with a soaped sponge, his hair had been shampooed and his face shaven. Chris and Nathan dressed him, put his shoes and socks on and comb his hair. It had been a humilating experience. He had tried to tell them but they wouldn't listen. It had left him angry and that anger was simmering just below the surface of his tolerance level. If he'd had the physical strength he would have thrown them out of his home.

And now he was sitting here with Nathan and Chris sitting on either side of him, waiting to see a psychologist who was going to ask him personal questions. He wasn't going to answer them. They had arrived twenty minutes early which made the waiting part even worse. His stomach rolled, his head ached, his nose was blocked but running at the same time. He still wasn't able to understand how a nose could do that. If you try and breath through it, it refused to work but as soon as you started breathing through your mouth, your nose would start running. He sniffed.

"Use a tissue Ezra." Nathan told him.

"If I blow into a tissue the thin material will tear and then I will be left with mucus on my hands." Ezra retorted then took a breath. He'd have to stop talking so much, he continued to run out of breath when he did.

"It will make you feel sick." Nathan warned him.

"Actually it's quite welcoming on an already nauseated stomach." He had to catch his breath again. It was hard to talk and breath through your mouth at the same time. His nose still refused to work.

"Have you stopped to think that's what's making you feel sick to begin with." the ex-medic growled at him.

"I am a sick man Nathan, it is unfair to be angry with me when I don't have the energy to return the favour." Ezra actually smiled at him.

"Jesus Ezra, even with Burnout and the flu your still an aggrevating bastard." Nathan returned the smile and it grew when Ezra winked at him.

"It's my main goal in life, once it's completed I can go in peace." Gawd he had to stop talking so much.

Nathan knew Ezra was hiding behind his normal facade, the Southerner was worried about the confrontation they all expected to go wrong. Nathan had hated getting Ezra out of bed so early but the only available appointment was at eight thirty in the morning. He glanced sideways as Ezra leaned back and closed his eyes. Nathan grimaced in irritation as the Southerner sniffed again but he couldn't help but smile in satisfaction when Ezra grunted in response to the physical blow Chris inflicted upon him. The ex-medic then sat back and waited for the enivitable, he knew the position Ezra was in would casue him to begin coughing and that's exactly what happened half a minute later.

Ezra started coughing, he leaned forward and placed his head between his knees. He felt a hand on his back as it began to rub in a circular motion. He started to struggle for breath as he chest heaved.

"Mr Standish, you can go in now." A femine voice spoke from behind a counter.

Chris looked over towards the voice but couldn't see the body that it belonged to. He continued to rub Ezra's back even though the smaller man's coughing began to ease. "Just take your time Ezra, he can wait."

"Want some water Ezra?" Nathan asked him when he sat back up.

"No, I'm fine." Ezra coughed one more time then swallowed the results of the coughing fit.

"I wish you wouldn't do that!" Nathan continued with his admonitory attitude.

"Do what?" Ezra groaned, he was sick of being sick.

"Mr Standish!" The voice was louder this time and a face appeared above the counter. "You can go in now."

"You sure you don't want me to go in with you?" Chris still had his hand on Ezra's back.

"No." Ezra pushed himself out of the chair and made his way to the door that led to the emotional torture chamber. He stopped at the door and looked over his shoulder at Chris and Nathan. They both nodded at him. He turned back to the door and opened it. The Southerner walked into the room and shut the door behind him. He'd shut out his friends, the men who wanted to help him, who had offered to come in with him. He berated himself. They had done so much for him, they willing to do everything for him and he still couldn't accept it.

He hesitantly walked forward towards the chair that sat in front of the large pinewood table. The man who sat behind it was as old as his mother. The glasses that were worn on a Karl Malden nose made him look even older. The blue eyes that sat behind them watched him carefully as he sagged down into the chair. The man was scrutinising him. Ezra instantly knew that it was going to be a war of personalities that he wasn't sure he was going to win. If he was his normal self he would have wormed his way out of it ten minutes after it was suggested that he see a shrink. The trip here had been hell. He hated being so weak that he couldn't even walk a short distance without help. He didn't know how he managed to get from the waiting room to this chair.

Ezra return the stare, his eyes were unflinching. Maybe he didn't have the strength to win the fight but was sure as hell going to make it as difficult as he possibly could. He knew his body language was making him look weak. He didn't cross his legs or fold his arms across his chest. His limbs felt as though they had weights attached to them. He didn't want to lift them or change position unless he had to.

"Mr Standish." The Doctor stood up and leaned over the desk to shake hands. He was forcing Ezra to stand so he could return the greeting.

Ezra refused to moved. "Yes."

"I'm Doctor Hancock." he sat back down.

Ezra smiled at the name, if his brain was working properly he could come up with some nice comments but he only came up with one word. "And?"

"And I'm here to help you." Hancock stated in a deep voice that was husky due to the packet of cigarettes he smoked daily.

"Help me with what?" Ezra stubbornly raised an eyebrow.

"Why don't you tell me."

"Tell you what?" Ezra asked innocently. Maybe it wasn't going to be so hard afterall.

"What I can help you with."

"You want to help me?"

"Yes."

"With what?"

A twitch began to show itself in the Doctor's body language. His left eye started to blink. "You won't win this game Mr Standish."

"I already have." Ezra spoke confidently.

The Doctor picked up his phone. "Joy, can you send Mr Larabee in please."

"Aw hell." Ezra allowed himself to sink lower into his chair. He didn't turn his head as he boss walked into the room. The door was slammed shut and the Southerner winced at the anger he knew was there. Ezra still refused to look at Chris when he sat down next to him. He could feel the blue eyes boaring into him. His left hand slowly moved upwards and he leaned towards it so he could hide his face.

"Your agent does not want to co-operate. I as a professional can not force him to talk to me so I thought you would like a few minutes alone with him." Hancock stood up and left the room that was now filled with tension so thick you could choke on it.

Chris knew what was happening as soon as the receptionist asked him to go into the Doctor's rooms. He was being stubborn, no doubt refusing to answer questions or talk about what was happening to him. He waited patiently for Ezra to say something. He knew the game and how to play it. He listened as Ezra coughed then sniffed. He hit him again. He hated that habit.

"Ouch." Ezra tried to get the sympathy he thought would help him get through this.

"Then don't sniff." Chris told him.

"Who needs friends when you've got enimies like you guys." Ezra muttered.

Chris smiled at the 'friends' part of the insult. He still waited for Ezra to make the first move.

"I don't want to talk about it Chris."

"You don't or you won't?" Chris looked at him but Ezra's hand still covered his face. He could see it shaking with the weight of Ezra's skull.

If he didn't say it Ezra knew he was going to be here all day. "I can't Chris."

"Why not?"

"Don't know how to." Ezra wanted to drop his hand. It was shaking under his weight but he didn't want Chris to see his face. "Like football, no one ever told me how to. It's as hard to start as it is to give up a nasty habit."

"Like sniffing?" The humour sounded in Chris' voice.

"Yeah."

It may have seemed amusing to Chris but he knew that Ezra wasn't laughing. The Southerner was quite serious about his lack of ability to talk about things.

"I'll help you." Chris stood up and gently pulled Ezra's hand down. He turned to walk to the door.

"Chris. Please don't tell the others about what I might say in here." Ezra hesitated. "I don't want them to know how weak I am."

"Your not weak Ezra, and if you weren't sick I would beat that into you." Chris growled at him.

Ezra knew the threat was a serious one. Chris would probably even do it when he recovered from this Burnout crap that he was suffering from. Burnout. Hell, he wasn't stressed, he didn't get stressed. It had to have been caused by something else. He listened as Chris opened the door and told the Doctor that his patient was ready. Ezra denied the title, he wasn't a patient, he wouldn't be returning after this visit.

The undercover agent didn't look up when the Doctor walked around his desk and sat down. He could feel the sets of eyes looking at him. Both men were waiting for him to start. But how could he, he didn't know how to, he wasn't sure what he should say, he didn't know what they wanted to hear.

"Doctor Hancock," Chris got the doctor's attention, "Ezra has this trait, you see, he hates talking about himself, he's the type of guy that doesn't want to worry people because he knows they have their own problems. So if you don't mind I'll start for him and then he can fill in the rest or answer any questions you have."

Hancock looked at Ezra, he wanted the young man to talk and if it required his boss to do it for him then so be it. He knew that once Ezra started he wouldn't be able to stop. "It's not something that I usually allow but I think the circumstances warrant it."

Ezra felt the relief wash over him. His tense muscles relaxed and his fear retreated from his mind. He was grateful for the explanation Chris had given the Doctor but he wasn't sure that Hancock believed it. Ezra didn't care, the man had excepted it. Now he was concerned about what Chris was going to say.

"Ezra's suffering from Burnout. The Doctor said that it's stress related. Ezra doesn't believe it, he reckons his not stressed. He's an undercover agent, a job that would stress out any normal person but not Ezra. He thrives on it. But this last case was hard on him. Six weeks he was undercover on an arms related case. Someone else was in charge of the case and he caused Ezra a lot of problems. He put pressure on him. If a case isn't going to well or someone puts the sort of pressure on him that Porter did he thinks he did something wrong and takes responsibility for it, blames himself and starts pushing himself."

"Do you think this would have happened if Agent Porter wasn't involved?" Hancock was looking at Ezra when the question was asked.

"No." Chris answered the question.

"What about you Ezra? Do you think it would have happened?"

"No." Ezra just wanted to crawl away and die.

"Why not?"

"What?"

"Why do you think it wouldn't have happened if Porter wasn't in charge?" Hancock asked a second time.

Ezra looked down at his hands. If only he could die right now, right this second. It didn't happen. "I wouldn't have worried about failing the team."

"Is that what you thought? That you would fail?"

"That's what he told me." Ezra admitted.

"You believed him?"

"I've failed before, I'll fail again. It's just harder to deal with it when someone expects you to."

Chris clenched his fists and tried to repress the anger that had begin to build.

"Would you like to talk about it? Let us know what happened? Maybe you can give an example of something he said to you." Hancock suggested.

Ezra looked sideways at Chris. He saw the anger in his eyes but knew it wasn't aimed at him. He took a deep breath and began to talk about his first meeting with Agent Horris Porter.

Six Weeks Earlier

Chris Larabee heard the ding that announced the elevator's arrival. His eyebrows raised themselves in mild surprise. Ezra Standish was going to be on time for once. Once was the correct term, it had never happened before. He looked around the room at his agents to find them with the same look of surprise that he had. They were all watching the door waiting for his arrival, no doubt with some smart ass comments at the ready. When Ezra did arrive Chris blinked in surprise. The Southerner had put on weight, and a lot of it. He'd also lost some hair.

"Geez Ezra, you gained a bit of weight." Buck told the man who stood in the doorway.

"Been to a fancy dress party?" Nathan added.

The man looked behind him then turned back to glare at the men in the room. His look of confusion caused Buck to laugh behind his hand.

"I'm Agent Horris Porter." The Agent adjusted the belt that held his trousers up. It was a useless device because the pants were too tight to begin with. "I'm here to take control of the Chambers case."

"Excuse me?" Chris growled.

"I said . . . umf!" The man fell foward and landed against the conference table.

"Nice tackle." Chris congradulated Ezra as he stepped into the room.

"What just happened here?" Ezra walked around so he could face the man who struggled to push his weight off the table.

"You knocked over Agent Horris Porter." JD told him.

"Horris?" Ezra raised a questioning eyebrow at his friends.

"Who the hell are you?" Porter demanded of Ezra.

"Ezra Standish. Undercover agent extraodinaire." He put his hand out but the man glared at it then at him. "Sorry." Ezra shrugged then made his way to his usual chair. "Who the hell is he?" he asked Vin as he sat down.

"Didn't you listen to JD. He's Agent Horris Porter." Vin nodded his head as if he was confirming that the man who stood glaring at Ezra was an important person. Well it seemed that Porter obviously thought he was important. "He's come to take over the case."

"Not if Chris can help it." Ezra smiled at Porter then grimaced in disgust.

"What makes you think your taking over the case?" Chris leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest.

"I have the appropiate papers that say I can." He threw a folder towards Chris. It got as far as Vin who picked it up and looked at it. "They are for Larabee's eyes only."

"He is my eyes." Chris growled harshly at the man. He had taken an instant dislike to him and he could tell his men had also.

Vin passed it to Ezra who quickly glanced at it.

"He your eyes too?" The sarcasm sounded in Porter's voice.

"Yep." Was all Chris would say. He took his time reading the document. It did give the man the authority to take over. There was nothing he was going to be able to do about it. "Why?"

"I've been after Chambers for a while now. I didn't like the idea of someone else getting him before I did." He smiled, his crooked teeth did not help his facial features. "Now it's my case and your working for me."

"Sorry guys, he has the paper work. Can't stop him." Chris stared at Porter until the man looked away from him.

"I want everything you have on the case brought to me. I'll be taking over your office Larabee . . . "

"No you won't!" The tone in Chris' voice told Porter that it would be over his dead body. "You can use this room."

"Then bring everything you have here."

"You heard the man." Chris got up and left. His men followed him.

Ezra gathered his belongings together, it was the end of another working day and he was looking forward to going home and relaxing. He looked up when he heard the door open expecting to see one of his friends but instead the door frame was filled by the large form of Horris Porter. A sarcastic comment flew through his mind but he refused to voice it. His green eyes followed Porter as he moved around his office. He grimaced in disgust as the man touched his belongings, glanced over them and threw them back on the table.

"Did you want something?" Ezra took his things and placed them in his brief case out of the man's way.

"I've heard about you." Porter slumped into the chair that was meant for friendly visitors. "You still on the take?"

"Never was." Ezra didn't hesitate.

"That's not what I heard." Porter glared at the undercover agent but the man didn't flinch under his stare.

"Then you heard wrong." Ezra picked up his case, he wanted to leave before he said something he might later regret.

"I don't think so." Porter stood up and moved towards Ezra. "I read your file."

"It was all hearsay."

Porter turned away from him and walked towards the door. He closed it then leaned against it. "Bet it's nice to have a rich mother. Are you a mummies boy." It wasn't a question.

"Like I said. Did you want something?" Ezra began to get an uneasy feeling that he didn't like. He knew he was alone with this man, the others had gone home already.

"Just making conversation." He took a step forward. "Nothing wrong with that."

"What do you want?" Ezra asked for the third time.

"You were kicked out of the FBI weren't you. They couldn't prove what was true so they got rid of you."

Ezra stayed silent.

"I don't like you, they should have charged you and sent you to jail with the rest of the criminals. Your scum, a failure who couldn't live up to mummies expectations. What did she do, cut you off, did you have to make your own money to pay your bills." Porter had moved while he talked, he now stood facing Ezra.

"Then why don't you take me off the case." Ezra still wasn't sure what this man wanted.

"No your staying. Your the best undercover agent there is even if your bent so I'm here to give you a warning. I know what a failure you are, you couldn't even be on the take without getting caught. If you fail on this case and cost me Chambers then you'll pay with more than just your job."

"Are you threatening me?" Ezra was actually amused that this guy who was overweight, obviously unfit was threatening him.

"Yes I am and there is nothing you can do about it." Porter smiled, his tongue flicked out over his crooked stained teeth.

"And why do you think that?" Ezra sat back down in his chair. His poker face was being held firmly in place.

"No one would believe you that's why." Porter continued to smile thinking he had the undercover agent where he wanted him.

Ezra wanted to do nothing more than beat the smug smile off the fat man's face but he knew that it would give Porter the excuse that he needed. He couldn't understand why this man was threatening him.

"Chris would believe me." Ezra knew that his leader would, he was confident of that.

"Larabee doesn't matter, there are people higher up in the department that wouldn't believe you. But they would believe any accusation that I make. I have a reputable record, you don't."

"You think that I'll fail and yet you want me to stay on the case. Sounds pretty stupid to me." Ezra smiled up at him.

"Why you good for nothin' bastard!" Porter leaned forward and lifted Ezra to his feet, he slammed him against the wall and pressed his right forearm against his neck.

"Your weight gives the impression that your too fat for capable physical activities." Ezra grimaced.

"You've go a big mouth." Porter told him.

"So everyone keeps telling me." Ezra managed to smile.

"Well I'm going to put an end to it." Porter slammed his meaty fist into Ezra's stomach.

Ezra felt the air leave his lungs. He tried to double over but Porter held him up. He wanted to retaliate but the man's words echoed in his mind. 'There are people higher up who wouldn't believe you.' Ezra knew this was true. It had happened in the FBI. He had friends here who would believe him but like Porter said, they don't matter, they wouldn't be on the Hearing Committee if Porter made a complaint about being assaulted by him. He clenched his fist and closed his mouth, he knew that it would be a game that he would not win. There were plenty of people in the ATF who would like to see him go. If he retaliated it would give them the opportunity to get rid of him. He didn't want that, he'd found a family here and if he had to put up with this piece of shit to keep them then he would.

Present Day

"He threatened you then used physical violence." Chris tried to keep the anger out of his voice but he failed.

"What was I supposed to do? Hit him back? He was right. There are people who would believe him over me. I would have been fired the next day." Ezra retorted.

"Ezra I'm not angry with you, I . . . "

"No but your thinking it. Why didn't he hit him? Why didn't he tell me about it?" Ezra had enough. He used his hands to push himself up but felt Chris' hand grab his arm and pull him back down.

"That's not what I'm thinking Ezra." Chris spoke more calmly. "I was thinking that Porter is a dead man for threatening one of my men, for hurting my friend. That's what I was thinking."

"Was it like that for the six weeks that he led the operation." Hancock asked.

Ezra's eyes were staring at his hands that were in his lap. He nodded silently. He knew what they were thinking. He was weak, too weak to fight back. He'd let the man walk all over him and control his life both in his work life and his private life. He was yet to tell them about that. What would Chris think if he'd told him that Porter would even call him in the early hours of the morning. The conversations had been one sided. He would complain about something Ezra had done that day while he was undercover. Porter would claim that it was something that would cause him to loose Chambers. He continued to threaten him, telling him that he would make sure he was going to loose his job if he failed. Ezra continued to take it because he believed what Porter had told him.

He wasn't going to loose again. He intended to stay with the ATF and Team Seven. He'd put up with this sort of crap before and got over it. He knew when the case was over Porter would leave and he would still be here. That's what he wanted and that's what had happened. He didn't want to think about where he would be if he stood up for himself. He felt stupid for standing down, he felt like a coward and a failure but he was still here and Porter wasn't. His mother had taught him not to go against a stacked deck and that was what Porter was. And so was his mother. A stacked deck that you couldn't win against.

"Mr Larabee, I'd like to talk to Ezra alone." The psychologist nodded towards the door.

"Sure." Chris squeezed Ezra's shoulder hoping the touch would tell him that he was there for him and would back him all the way.

Ezra continued to stare at his hands. He heard the door close and a feeling of abandonment overcame him. Hancock stood up, he noticed Ezra's eyes flicker towards him. He continued his slow movements until he was sitting in the chair next to Ezra.

"Why did you allow him to do it?"

"I told you. They would believe him over me." Ezra answered in a tone that was full of defeat.

"That's bull shit and you know it. Tell me why you allowed him to treat you that way?"

Ezra looked at the man next to him. "It won't leave this room?"

"No." The Doctor waited for Ezra to start talking but the stubborn agent returned to staring at his hands. "Ezra, don't think of it as talking about yourself or your problems. It's just like answering a question, you do that every day."

Ezra took a deep breath before beginning but it caused him to cough instead. Hancock waited patiently. He knew that once someone took that first step for the undercover agent it would be easier for him to take over. He watched the body language, it gave an impression of someone who was insecure about himself.

"My mother taught me not to make friends. She said that if someone wanted to be your friend it meant that they were after something. I didn't listen to her at first. I made a couple of friends but my mother took me away and sent me to another boarding school. I never seemed to fit in, the others didn't like me, they seemed to enjoy picking on me. Mother continued to encourage me not to make friends. After a while I began to see why she told me not to so I stopped. I became a loner and have been that way ever since. It's become my life. I won't let anyone get close to me. I wasn't willing to loose another friend or be disappointed by one. Chris and the rest of the guys wanted to be my friend. I wouldn't let them but it didn't stop them." He smiled at the memory. "They kept pushing me until it all came to a head. They forced me to go to Chris' cabin for a three day weekend. By the end of the three days I had accepted their friendship. They haven't let me down." Ezra stopped, his eyes slowly drifted towards the psychologist. "What if they did believe him over me. I would get transferred or fired. I'd loose them. They're like family to me now. If Porter won, I'd loose them."

"They sound like they're worth keeping." Hancock smiled. "You won't loose them Ezra. I don't think they would allow that to happen."

"They wouldn't be able to stop it." Ezra looked away and hung his head.

"I think Chris would have a few friends of his own. He wouldn't allow them to get rid of you Ezra. I think you should trust him more in that regard."

"I thought if I told them about it they would think that I was a coward, to weak to fight back."

Hancock smiled again. He didn't have to ask the question. The Southerner was talking on his own now. "But that's what you think isn't it?"

Ezra nodded. "Another thing my mother taught me. Don't show your feelings, people will think your weak and then they'll take advantage of you."

"Not every one is going to think of you the same way that you do Ezra."

"I haven't met one yet." Ezra muttered.

"There's two outside in the waiting room and from what I know about your team there are four more." Hancock assured him.

"I'm afraid that if it came down to it, they wouldn't fight to keep me here."

"From what you've told me, I know Porter didn't cause you the stress, neither did the job. You've spent the last six weeks worrying yourself sick that you were going to loose the only real friends that you have ever made. You were afraid they would leave you or allow you to leave them. That's what has caused you the stress that's led to you burning yourself out. You should ask them what they would have done." The Doctor suggested. "I'm sure you won't regret it."

"I'll think about it."

"Good enough for me Ezra." He stood up and walked towards the door. "I'll see you on Tuesday then."

"Tuesday?" Ezra twisted around to look at him.

"Yes. Tuesday at three." Hancock opened the door and poked his head around the corner. "Mr Larabee you can come and take your friend home now."

Chris risked a look at his undercover agent, his eyes stared into the rear view mirror for as long as he dared. Ezra was lying down on the back seat, his eyes were closed and his arms were folded across his chest. He looked away and adjusted the mirror back to it's former position. He turned his attention to Nathan who was sitting in the passenger seat.

"Is he okay?" Chris whispered.

Nathan glanced over his shoulder and watched the Southerner for a few minutes. He could feel Chris' eyes as they continued to watch him and the road ahead. The ex-medic smiled as he watched the steady rise and fall of Ezra's chest. "He's sleeping." He turned back around and watched Chris. "What happened? Did he say anything?"

"He asked me not to tell you or the others." Chris was going to do what Ezra had asked of him.

Nathan nodded. "Did it help him?"

"I don't know." Chris shook his head. He now knew what Porter had put Ezra through. He chastised himself for not seeing it and helping his agent.

It was another fifteen minutes before they arrived back at Ezra's townhouse. Chris parked his dodge in the street. Ezra's jaguar still filled the garage. Neither man wanted to wake Ezra so they decided to carry him into his home then bed. Chris opened the door and put his arms under Ezra's shoulders and began to pull him out of the car. Ezra shifted and groaned in protest.

"It's okay Ezra, go back to sleep." Chris waited until the smaller man settled down once more.

Nathan took Ezra's upper body while Chris lifted his legs out, he then gathered him into his arms like a child and carried him towards the front door of his apartment. He heard the door close behind him and then another open in front of him. Four men marched towards him with concerned expressions on their faces.

"What's wrong?" Buck started.

"Did something happen to him." Josiah looked down at Ezra's relaxed features.

"He hurt?" Vin's tone threatened to harm the culprit with physical violence if his friend had been hurt.

"He's sleeping, now get out of my way!" Nathan growled at them.

"Sleeping." Josiah repeated.

"He fell asleep in the back of the car on the way home." Chris explained as he pushed them out of Nathan's way.

"So he's okay then?" Buck followed them into the apartment and then towards the bedroom.

"He's fine Buck." Chris didn't look back at him. "Geez, if you were capable of making decent coffee I would tell you to go and make some."

"Yeah well I can't so I'm staying." Buck stood defiantly at the foot of the bed.

"If your staying could you at least be quiet then. You'll wake him up!" Nathan growled at him.

"How did he go?" Vin demanded to know.

"He wouldn't talk to start with, I got him started. The Doctor then asked me to leave so he could talk to Ezra." He didn't tell them what he told Nathan. "He has to go back on Tuesday."

"That means he didn't do okay." Buck spoke again.

"It could also mean that he did." Josiah retorted.

"If he did okay he wouldn't have to go back." Buck turned on him.

"It could also mean that he want's to see how much he's improving since their last talk." Josiah continued.

"He could do that anytime." Buck continued to argue with the ex-preacher.

"Will you two shut up!" Chris' cold tone stopped them dead. "You'll wake Ezra!"

They all looked towards the living room when the phone began to ring. Vin ran out of the room to answer it. Buck rushed to the door to close it. Chris watched Ezra to see if the noise was going to wake him. It didn't, he was sleeping soundly on top of the bed cover. They could hear Vin's muffled voice become angry then it abruptly ended.

"Everybody out." Nathan ordered them. "I'll take care of Ezra."

They reluctantly left the room, each man looked at Ezra before they left. Chris closed the door after him. Vin stood in the middle of the room with his hands on his hips.

"That was Maude. She wanted to speak to Ezra. Said she couldn't. She didn't like that. Says she'll call back later and her son better be awake so she can talk to him. Reckons it's important." Vin lifted his hand off his hip. The end of the telephone cord was hanging from his fingers. "I made sure she couldn't phone back."

"Nice one Vin." Buck smiled.

"JD. I want you to do something for me." Chris walked the younger man towards the door. "I want you to do a background check on Agent Horris Porter. Go deep, I want everything you can get on him." He handed him his car keys. "Keep this between you and me, I don't want the others to know yet."

"Sure Chris." JD stopped and looked at the man he respected and admired. "It was him wasn't it? That caused Ezra to get sick."

"Something like that. It's why I don't want the others to know yet."

"No problem Chris. I'll be back in a couple of hours. Let me know if anything else happens." He took a quick look at Ezra's bedroom door then left.

Chris waited a moment before turning around. He knew his eyes would be full of anger and if the others saw it they would begin their questions. He wasn't ready to answer them. He wanted Ezra to do that.

The room was dark, the small lamp that sat on the dresser sent graying filters of light through the room. The clock on the bedside table read 12:03. The sound of a phone ringing filled the room, it was attempting to wake the figure sleeping in the bed. The only answer it received was a slight movement from the covered form. The ringing finally stopped. Ten minutes later the caller tried again, they were determined to wake the sleeper.

Ezra was pulled from his exhausted induced sleep, he groaned and rolled over. He felt weak and tired, he didn't want to wake up but the insistent ringing wouldn't stop. It had to be answered. He was surprised that someone else hadn't already answered his phone. There had to be someone in the other room. He forced his eyes open and struggled to throw the bed cover off his body. Aw hell, why didn't someone answer the god damn phone!

He listened for a moment hoping that the ringing would stop. He frowned at the realisation that it was his mobile ringing. It would be in this room still, that's why it hadn't been answered. They probably couldn't hear it. He sat up and tried to determine where the sound was coming from. He stood up and slowly walked to his dresser and pulled the middle draw open. His jacket had been folded and pushed into the drawer.

Buck would be the person responsible for this. He pulled the mobile phone from his pocket, the noise became instantly louder. He answered it without thinking, his mind was still clouded by sleep.

"Standish." He yawned then made his way back to his bed.

"Ezra Standish! Where have you been and why haven't you been answering your phone." His mother demanded.

"Hello mother." Ezra grimaced as he sat down. He looked at the clock beside him. 12:22. "Aw hell."

"Don't you swear at me young man. I'm your mother!" She spat into the phone.

"I was talking to the clock mother." Ezra replied calmly.

"You haven't answered my questions." She reminded him.

"I've been busy mother and as for my phone, I only just heard it." he laid down because he knew it would be a long conversation. He shouldn't have answered it in the first place. "What do you want mother?"

"I wanted to know if you received my gift?" Maude's voice softened as she spoke.

"What gift? It's not another pair of socks is it?"

"No, it's something much better. I want you to use it to come home Ezra." Maude explained to him.

"I am home." Ezra told her. His eyes flickered towards the door.

"Your home is with your mother. I have sent you some money and a plane ticket. I want you to use them Ezra. I want you here for the wedding."

"I've already been to three of your weddings, I don't believe that I'll be missing anything. Do you?"

"I want you there to give me away Ezra." The anger and frustration began to sound in his mother's voice.

"We've been through this before mother. I am not coming!"

"You are coming Ezra. Even if I have to send someone to bring you back."

Ezra knew she was capable of doing that. "They will have to go through my friends first mother."

"How many times have I told you. They are not your friends. They're only using you because of your god given talents which you should be using for better things instead of that pathetic job you are doing."

"I like what I do." he yawned again as he thought about hanging up on her but he knew if he did things would only get worse. "Mother I have to go . . . "

"You wouldn't have anywhere to go at this time of night Ezra except here to join me."

"I'm not coming, how many times do I have to say it."

"Your coming!" Maude disconnected the call.

"No I'm not mother." Ezra muttered into the silent phone.

He turned it off and placed it on the bedside table, he didn't want to be caught like that again. It had happened too often with Porter. Ezra thought about what he had told the psychologist, he had never spoken to anyone like that before and Chris had been there to hear part of the first time event. He was grateful he didn't hear the other part, he wouldn't have been able to look his friend in the eye again. They would probably think of him as a child if they found out, he felt like one after he'd finally let out what he had been afraid of. But now he worried even more, what if Chris did something. Porter could retaliate and it would start all over again. He could still loose his friends.

He decided he needed a drink, he hadn't had one for over six weeks. He didn't want to risk it, if Porter had smelt alcohol on him he would have used it against him. He got out of his bed and walked towards the door to his room. He didn't consider putting anything on, he wore only his boxer shorts. He could easily grab a bottle and glass then return to his bed. He opened the door and carefully moved into the living room. Ezra flicked the light switch on thinking that no one was spending the night on the lounge.

"What the . . . " Buck jerked awake and sat up. He rubbed at his eyes to try and force himself to become more alert. When he did he saw Ezra walking towards the front door. "Ezra? What are you doing up."

"Now you wake up." Ezra grumbled. You couldn't have woken up earlier and answer the phone, he added to himself.

"What time is it?" Buck followed Ezra into the hallway and watched as he began to go through his mail. "What the hell are you doin' Ezra?"

"Isn't it obvious." He had been surprised to see Buck on the sofa and even more surprised that the phone or his own voice hadn't woken him up.

"Not really. Is there something wrong?" Buck leaned against the wall and crossed his arms across his chest. The night was cold and he could see that Ezra only wore his boxers. He contemplated calling Nathan but decided to wait a while first.

Ezra searched through the mail, he ignored everything that didn't have his mother's trademark. It didn't take him long to find the envelope. The smell of his mother's perfume drifted up to fill him with good childhood memories, there were enough of them for him to count on one hand. His muscles were already beginning to ache with overuse, feeling this weak was something he was finding hard to deal with. He had to sit down before he fell down. He walked back to the sofa that Buck had been sleeping on.

"Buck, I need a drink." Ezra looked at him. "Something strong." He hated asking for something that he should have been able to do. It made him feel helpless.

"I don't think you should be drinking alcohol at this time of night." Buck protested.

"Buck, either you get me a drink or you leave, it's up to you." Ezra didn't look up at him, his green eyes were staring at the envelope in his hands.

"Well, when you put it that way." Buck knew Ezra wouldn't be able to force him out of his home but Nathan had told him not to allow the Southerner to become aggravated or angry. He had to stay relaxed and do nothing physical that would drain his energy.

"The good stuff is in the cabinet beneath." Ezra told him as he tore open the envelope. He pulled out the airplane ticket that his mother had mentioned and without looking at it he ripped it in half and put the remains on the floor, he would pick them up later. The only other occupant was a cheque. It was for a large amount but even that couldn't bribe him. He didn't tear it up, he would do what he always did with the cheques his mother sent him. He would give it to a local charity.

"What's that you've got there Ezra?" Buck sat down next to him and handed him a shot of malt whiskey.

"It doesn't concern you Buck." Ezra took the drink and swallowed it in one go, he gave it back to the ladies man. He wanted another. "Bring the bottle back with you this time."

"Your not planning on getting drunk are you?" Buck asked.

"That's exactly what I plan on doing. Would you care to join me?"

"Don't really have anything to get drunk over but I can keep you company."

"No, you don't do you." Ezra smiled at him. He didn't have a mother like his or a life. The only thing they had in common was the lack of a father.

"What's wrong Ezra?" Buck tried to cover Ezra with one of the blankets he was using but the smaller man shrugged it off. "It's cold, you'll make your cold worse." He tried again and this time he succeeded.

"Apart from being sick? Nothing." He emptied his glass and gave it back, he would have held it for him but he didn't have the strength.

"You'll get better, Nathan said you'll be fine. You just need time Ezra." Buck poured him a third drink. "You sure you want this?" In answer to Buck's question Ezra drank the scotch and handed him his glass. "When your sick in the morning don't blame me, Chris and Nathan will do that for you."

"I'm a grown man Buck, I can take responsibility for my own actions." Ezra retorted.

"But they're not going to blame you though are they." Buck filled the glass up again.

Ezra yawned before emptying the glass. "Have a drink with me Buck."

"It's a bit early for me Ezra." Buck looked down at his watch, it was now 1:12 in the morning. He hadn't gone to bed until eleven. He had continued to check in on his friend. Once he was reassured that Ezra was sleeping deeply he allowed himself to go to sleep and now he was up again.

"Your not going to let me drink alone are you. Your supposed to be a friend Buck." Ezra's words were beginning to slur because of the alcohol he had drunk and the Burnout he was suffering from.

"I have to work tomorrow Ezra." Buck tried to make his excuses.

"Hasn't stopped you before." Ezra passed his glass back to Buck. He wanted another one. But he had no intentions at stopping at one. The last six weeks had been hell, he needed to drown his sorrows but he didn't want to do it alone. He was sick of spending his time alone.

"Just one Ezra." Buck got up and returned a few seconds later with a glass. He poured himself a drink and another one for Ezra. He knew Nathan was going to take it out of his hide for allowing Ezra to drink but he didn't really want to stop Ezra. There was a reason for it and if he didn't do it now he would want to do it later.

Ezra took the drink and rested it on his thigh. He stared at the cheque. He couldn't understand why his mother thought she could still buy him. One day she sends him a pair of socks and a few weeks later it's a large cheque and an airplane ticket.

"Did your mother ever try to bribe you into doing something you didn't want to do?" Ezra asked him.

"She use to use chocolate, I would have done anything for chocolate when I was a kid." Buck smiled at the memory.

Ezra passed the cheque to Buck. The ladies man took it and after staring at it for a few seconds he let out a low whistle. "What's this?"

"That's what my mother tries to bribe me with." Ezra laughed then coughed.

"Your mother bribes you with money?" Buck was shocked.

"Money, cars, expensive suits, and socks. Can't forget the socks." Ezra muttered through the alcohol.

"She ever try just asking?" Buck looked sideways at Ezra and saw the forlorn expression he wore.

"She doesn't ask, she demands."

"And being the stubborn cuss that you are, you refuse."

"Yep." Ezra handed Buck his glass.

It was filled and returned. Buck also decided to have another one. He didn't want Ezra to drown in his misery alone. They all knew that Ezra didn't have a good relationship with his mother but he didn't know it was this bad. What sort of mother would bribe their son with expensive gifts.

"What does she want?" Buck asked carefully. He hoped the alcohol would keep the Southerner talking.

"Want's me to give her away."

"Maude's getting married?"

"Again." Ezra added. "Want's me to give her away."

"You don't want to do it?" Buck filled their glasses again.

"No."

"Want to tell me why?"

"Noooo."

Ezra was finding it hard to keep his head up and his eyes open. He found himself falling towards the pillow. He didn't bother to try and stop himself, he wouldn't have been able to anyway, Buck was also pushing him towards sleep. He could see and feel the darkness closing in on him. He felt the weight of the blanket close over him and the warmth flowed through him. It was only a matter of minutes before he was asleep.

Buck changed positions, he now sat in the large comfortable chair that sat near the sofa. He watched the Southerner sleep. His mind drifted over what Ezra had said about his mother. He knew the only reason he spoke about it was because of the alcohol, he wouldn't have said a thing otherwise. He would have to let Chris and Nathan know in the morning. They were both arriving early. Ezra was going to need Nathan, especially after the amount of alcohol he'd drunk on an empty stomach. He was going to be very sick in the morning.

Chris drove through the quiet streets of Denver, the sun was only beginning to rise above the distant mountains. He hadn't been able to sleep so he had decided to make his way back to Ezra's town house. He didn't like being at a distance from the man, not after what he had learnt in Hancock's office. If only he'd known that Ezra was having so much trouble with Porter. Normally Ezra would have dealt with the man then gotten on with his job but he hadn't. There had to be something else, something that stopped him from coping with the situation, something that caused the young Southerner to become so stressed that he'd gotten sick.

That was what they had talked about after he'd left the room. He could phone the Doctor and ask him but he wouldn't tell him. He could ask Ezra but that would be like getting blood out of a stone. He would have to wait, maybe Ezra will tell him in his own time. But he knew if he waited that long he'd probably be dying of old age. The only other option was to ask Porter himself. He would get an answer from that man even if he had to beat it out of him, that was something he would enjoy doing.

After parking his car on the street he made his way to the apartment complex. Ezra's was on the ground floor and was surrounded by large bushes and vines. It gave the entrance way a welcoming feeling. He used one of the six spare keys that he had made from Ezra's original to gain access to the townhouse. He expected Ezra to still be sleeping in his bed and Buck to be making coffee but that's not the way he found them. Buck was sleeping uncomfortably in one of the two chairs on the living room and Ezra lay on the couch. Chris grimaced at the sight of the near empty whiskey bottle and two glasses.

"Someone had a party last night." Chris muttered as he tucked the blanket tighter around Ezra's shoulders. He knelt down on the floor when he saw what remained of an airplane ticket. The destination was Rome, Italy. He wondered how Ezra could afford it. A cheque lay next to it. Maude Standish's signature was on it. That's how he could afford it. Maude had sent it to, she would no doubt expect him to use. Ezra of course would have refused. It explained the drinking. He didn't want to wake either of them so he walked quietly into the kitchen to make some coffee. His two friends were going to need it when they woke up. He wasn't sure how much they'd had to drink but he knew he'd find out later.

Chris was sitting in the second chair drinking his third cup of coffee when Buck began to stir. He smiled as his long time friend swore under his breath. He looked towards Ezra when he heard a groan escape the Southerner. He watched as Ezra rolled over then pull the blanket up over his head. Chris felt like jumping up and tearing the blanket from the sleeping form to wake him up but the smaller man's physical ailment stopped him.

"What time is it?" Buck asked when he saw Chris sitting opposite him.

"Just after seven." Chris informed him. "So what did you two get up to last night?"

"Got any of that coffee for me?" Buck squirmed under Chris' stare.

"After you answer my question."

"I'm still not sure what happened. Ezra woke me after midnight, he went through his mail then told me to either get him a drink or leave. So I got him a drink."

"The airplane ticket and cheque from Maude." Chris nodded in understanding. But what made Ezra want to check his mail in the first place. Maude must have made contact with him. He looked over at the phone, it was still disconnected. "Did Maude phone last night?"

"No. The phone would have woken me up."

"How much did you have to drink?" Chris smiled at his friend.

"Only two."

"And Ezra?"

"Lost count. Speaking of that, when do you expect Nathan?" Buck turned his eyes towards Ezra's inert form. "He drank all that on an empty stomach, he'll probably be pretty sick when he does wake up."

"He should be here any minute." Chris made his way back to the kitchen for more coffee. "So why did you let him get drunk?"

"Looked like he needed to. I know I could have stopped him but it just didn't seem like a good idea." Buck explained.

"Did he say anything interesting?"

"Only that his mother bribes him with expensive gifts when she wants something instead of asking."

"Nothing about Porter?" Chris was watching Ezra from his position against the kitchen archway.

"Why would he say anything about Porter." Buck thought for a moment then the realisation hit him. "Did Porter do something to Ezra. Did he hurt him in some way?"

"I told Ezra I wouldn't tell you guys."

"I don't give a shit what Ezra said, if Porter did something to him, I want to know about it!" Buck demanded.

"Sorry Buck, I'm not going to loose the trust that I've gained with Ezra by telling you. Give him time and he might tell you himself."

"Son of a bitch." Buck growled.

"Me or Porter?" Chris raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"Both." Buck retorted. "But I accept your apology."

"Sorry Buck." Chris repeated. He wanted to tell him and the others but his respect and trust for Ezra kept him from doing so. If he did, he would loose it all and probably wouldn't be able to get Ezra back. It had been too difficult the first time round to get him to accept their friendship, he didn't want to go through that again.

"Where's that coffee you promised me?"

Chris reached out with his arm, the coffee was hot and strong. When Buck relieved him of it he walked towards the chair he'd spent the early morning sitting in. He sat down and began to wait for Ezra to wake up. He didn't have long to wait.

"Aw hell!" It was a strangled cry that came from the tightly curled form under the blanket. "Buck!" The accusation was clearly evident in his tone.

"Right here Ezra." Buck rushed to Ezra's side while Chris ran into the kitchen.

"Bastard!" Ezra spoke with anger in his voice. "Why the hell do I let them do this to me."

"Do what Ezra?" The smaller man had given him an opportunity and he wasn't going to allow the door to slam in his face without trying to grab a hold of the information Ezra might be willing to give.

"I'm gonna be sick." Ezra announced as tried to curl even tighter around himself.

Buck heard Chris fall to the floor next to him. "Ready when you are Ezra." Chris held a large bowl for Ezra.

Buck pulled the blanket away and rolled Ezra over until he was facing them. The pale features were becoming grey. Buck paled at the sight. He shouldn't have let his friend drink so much strong alcohol on an empty stomach.

"We've got something for you to be sick in Ezra." Chris told him. He nodded to Buck to change places and take the bowl from him. "Ezra?"

"What?"

"I'm going to sit you up, okay." Chris warned him.

"Noooo." Ezra groaned. He didn't want to move again. He thought if he started to throw up that he wouldn't be able to stop. Why did he drink so much last night. He should have listened to Buck. His own mind hadn't been thinking straight, it had been clouded by his mother's phone call. She had always known how to get to him.

"You'll feel better once it's over Ezra." This wasn't necessarily true. He didn't wait for a protest but instead pulled Ezra into a sitting position. He allowed the smaller man's body weight to lean against him and he put his arm around Ezra's shoulders to support the ailing agent.

Ezra didn't have a choice, he couldn't hold it down, he lost the battle as his stomach reveled in it's victory. He vomited into the bowl he'd only purchased two months ago. But he didn't see it, he was yet to open his eyes. He felt a hand begin to rub his back as he continued to be sick. God he hated being so weak and vulnerable in front of others. Especially Chris Larabee, he always felt a need to prove himself to that man, to prove he was strong, loyal and trustworthy. Being this weak wouldn't make him look good. But then that was no longer a problem. Chris would already believe he was a weak individual that wasn't capable of doing his job because of what he allowed Porter to do to him.

When Ezra finished for the first time - Chris knew there would be more to come - he leaned back into the lounge and took Ezra's form with him. He pulled the blanket up to cover the trembling Southerner that now leaned against him.

"You might want to empty that Buck and bring a damp cloth back with you." Chris pulled Ezra closer and made sure his head rested comfortably on his shoulder.

"Now I know why you swapped positions." Buck held the bowl away from his nose and was grateful he'd only had two drinks.

"That's why I'm the boss Buck, I'm smarter than you." Chris winked at him.

"That's what we want you to think." Buck retorted as he walked away.

Chris looked over his shoulder when he heard the front door open. He knew it would be Nathan. He waited patiently for the verbal assault that none of them deserved but there wasn't any. Nathan understood the situation and only showed sympathy towards the Southerner. He also couldn't blame the others for what Ezra had done to himself.

Nathan moved to the couch quickly when he saw the condition Ezra was in. He sat on the other side of the agent and placed a hand on Ezra's forehead. There was a fever growing. "What happened?"

"Ezra had a bit too much to drink late last night. Quite a bit from what I heard. Things are starting to get to him Nathan." Chris explained.

"He wanted to drown his sorrows." Buck added when he returned with the empty bowl. "But he fell asleep before he could."

"Mother tried to bribe me again." Ezra muttered.

"Maude's getting married, want's Ezra to give her away." Buck finished what Ezra was saying.

"If I go, she won't let me come back." Ezra admitted.

"When did you talk to her last Ezra?" Chris asked him. He had to wait until Nathan finished wiping Ezra's mouth and face.

"Last night." He wanted to push Nathan's hand away from him but he didn't have the strength.

Chris looked at Buck. "Not on this phone." Buck told him.

"The phone's disconnected Ezra." Chris explained to him.

"Mobile." Ezra answered the statement and grimaced.

"Here we go again." Chris could feel Ezra tense up under his comforting hold.

Nathan held the bowl this time while Ezra filled it again. When he was finished Nathan took Ezra from Chris and laid him back down. He pulled the blankets up to cover him. "See if you can get some sleep Ezra." Nathan suggested to him.

"Feel sick still." Ezra told him.

"You will for a while Ezra. Now get some sleep." The ex-medic ordered him.

Chris caught Buck's attention and nodded towards Ezra's bedroom door. Buck knew what he wanted, Ezra's mobile phone. He didn't want Maude phoning back and causing anymore damage to an already unstable Ezra Standish.

Ezra thought he was in hell because he hurt all over, every muscle ached, but his head felt like it had been split open by an axe. Even his stomach muscles hurt, he wasn't sure why, they weren't hurting like this yesterday. Was it the next day already. He was becoming confused, he could fall asleep one day and wake up the next. Ezra was no longer sure what day it was.

"What happened?" Ezra asked somebody, anybody.

"You got drunk." Chris stayed where he was, he didn't think Ezra would stay awake long enough to talk to him.

"Oh right, forgot." Ezra went back to sleep without another spoken word or silent thought.

"What else happened Ezra? Porter wouldn't have gotten to you like that." Chris spoke to the man he knew was asleep again. Even if Ezra was still awake he wouldn't have expected an answer.

"Did I hear Ezra?" Nathan came back into the living room from the kitchen with homemade sandwiches and coffee.

"Yeah but he went straight back to sleep." Chris kept watching Ezra while he tried to figure out what was happening with his agent.

Ezra groaned as the bright light caused him to grimace in pain. He tried to roll over but came up against an obstacle. He opened his eyes and saw the white material of his couch. What the hell am I doing here? he asked himself. He concentrated to try and remember what happened but the memory refused to return to him. He had a choice, he could either roll over and look around the room hoping that it would shift his brain into gear or he could speak. It seemed as though it would take as much effort to speak as it would to move but if he moved he would only have to move once. If he spoke he might have to take part in a conversation. He chose to roll over.

It took a lot of effort but once he was done he had a clear view of the room. Chris sat in one of his armchairs, he was engrossed in a file. The vein on the side of his forehead was pulsating. He wondered what was making him so angry. Was it something he himself did. He didn't think so, Chris was supporting him through this even if he might consider him to be weak. He was a friend and friends stood by each other through thick and thin.

"Chris." Ezra grimaced at the foul taste in his mouth.

Chris looked up from the folder that JD had delivered to him earlier. He quickly hid it from Ezra's view, he didn't want the Southerner to know he'd had a background check done on Porter. He placed his own poker face in place and regretfully hoped Ezra was too sick to see through it. He knew Ezra was capable of seeing emotions through a brick wall when he wanted to.

"Feeling any better Ezra?"

"I would if I knew what happened."

"You got drunk last night after you spoke to Maude." Chris stood up and moved towards the couch.

"Can I have some water please?" Ezra tried to sit himself up. There goes the idea of not moving a second time, and he was taking part in a conversation. Why didn't things ever work out as they should. He'd had a plan, it failed. He was doing what he didn't want to do. Move and talk.

"Sure." Chris frowned down at Ezra then turned away from him. "I hear Maude tried to bribe you again." Chris raised his voice so Ezra could hear him.

"Who told you that?" Ezra wanted to know.

"You did. You told me, Nathan and Buck." Chris smiled.

"Ah hell." It was a mistake to get drunk. He had to make sure it was something he didn't do again while he had company.

"She been bothering you much lately Ezra?"

"Only when she demands something from me." Ezra didn't want to put up his wall or put on a false facade. He didn't have the energy mentally. "Want's me to give her away at her wedding."

"You don't want to do that?" Chris came back into the room and saw that Ezra had finally managed to get into a sitting position. He handed the smaller man a glass of water and a pain killer.

"Thanks. And no, I've been to enough of her weddings. I don't particularly feel like meeting another step father." Ezra murmured.

"You also said that if you went she wouldn't let you come back."

Ezra lowered his eyes. He didn't realise he talked so much when he was drunk. Now they had a weapon they could use against him. If they want him to talk all they had to do was to get him drunk. "She'd take my passport and do anything else she could do to keep me there, even if it meant keeping me under lock and key." Ezra took the pill and a drink of cool water. "She says it's for the best, that she knows what I need."

"You know that we wouldn't let that happen."

"That's what I told her. You should expect someone to arrive in the next few days. She said she would send someone to take me back."

"You mean she would actually kidnap you?" Chris was stunned.

"I wouldn't put it past her Chris. She likes to get her own way."

"So it wasn't just Porter then was it." Chris stated.

"What wasn't?" Ezra frowned in confusion.

"The stress?"

"Chris I'm twenty eight years old, if I got stressed every time I had to deal with my mother I would be in an institution by now." Ezra sighed. "I learnt to cope with her a long time ago."

"By that you mean you get drunk." Chris laughed.

"Sometimes I get drunk, sometimes I do my job. She does get to me sometimes though. Last night wasn't a good time for me to deal with her."

"Then what is it?"

"What's what?" Ezra asked again. He wished Chris would stop confusing him.

"What caused you to get stressed so much that you ended up sick." Chris was getting frustrated. Why couldn't Ezra just answer the damn question without throwing a question back at him.

"I thought I went through that already." Ezra leaned back and closed his eyes.

The hell you will Chris shouted in his mind, your not going to sleep on me now. "I know you've put up with that kind of shit before, there's something else. Something that you haven't had to deal with before. This is something new and you couldn't cope with it. You wanna tell me what it is or do I have to find out myself."

"Family." Ezra simply stated as his began to panic. He knew he shouldn't tell Chris, he'd hoped that he resisted in the same way that he always did. Put up his brick wall, put his poker face in place and tell him that nothing was wrong. But he didn't have the strength or willpower to push his friend away. If Chris had asked him this question when he was feeling better he would have been able to refuse. "Jesus, I feel like a two year old."

Chris moved forward and sat down on the couch. He took the glass from Ezra's shaking hand and put it on the coffee table. "Family?" Chris frown down at the man who's face was now full of fear. "You want to elaborate on that?" his voice was gentle in it's tone, he had no intention of pushing Ezra into a corner. He was grateful and relieved that his agent had decided to talk to him, he hoped that he would finish what he wanted to say before he realised what he was doing.

"I don't want to loose it." Ezra refused to look up at Chris.

"Loose what?" Chris was beginning to think he was going to loose Ezra, that he was going to become frustrated with his lack of understanding and shut him out.

"Family." Ezra repeated. "You the others. I don't want to loose what you and the others gave me."

"What makes you think your going to loose us?" Chris put his hand on Ezra's leg and felt him flinch back from the touch, he removed his hand.

"If I retaliated, gave back to Porter what he was giving me . . . I'd loose you."

"I'm sorry Ezra, but I'm not really understanding what your trying to say."

"I'm not use to talking like this, I told the Doctor, he said I should ask you, told me that you wouldn't allow it to happen." Ezra took another drink of the cool water.

"Then ask me."

"If I stopped Porter, if I hit him back, if they believed him and not me and I got transferred or fired." he looked up into Chris' blue eyes. "Would you allow me to go? Would I loose you and the others?"

"No." Chris assured him but he was still a little confused about what Ezra was trying to tell him. "We're family Ezra. We'd fight them, do what we could to prove that you were the victim." He stopped when Ezra grimaced at the term 'victim'.

"I spent six weeks putting up the shit that he threw at me because I was scared that I would be sent away and loose the family that you guys fought so hard to complete by including me."

"So it wasn't what Porter was doing?" He watched as Ezra shook his head. "It was because you were afraid that you'd loose us." Ezra nodded.

"When I was young I had actually managed to make two friends, mother took me away and I lost them. I wasn't going to allow it to happen again. And now I thought it was. I actually began to enjoy the feeling of being part of a family, of having friends. I didn't want to loose it all again."

"You wouldn't have Ezra and you won't. The only thing that would seperate you from us would be death. Nothing else, not anyone, not even you."

"Well, you have threatened to shoot me on occasions." Ezra smiled.

"If I did Ezra," Chris patted his leg, "you would have deserved it."

"Thanks. I think."

"Feel better now that you've go that out."

"Yeah a bit." Ezra looked at his hands. "Thought you would think I was being weak."

"It's taking a lot of courage to talk about what's bothering you when you find it so hard to do."

"Doctor said to think of it as an everyday question and just answer it." Ezra shrugged. "The idea helps but it bothers me what your going to think after I've said it."

"You can talk to your family and friends Ezra. That's part of what they do. They listen and help you. We didn't go through all that trouble just so you could be your old normal self. I mean your the best line backer we've come across. Can't loose you now."

"Knew I was good for something." Ezra smiled and felt his stomach growl in hunger.

"We'll it's not your charming wit and intelligence that's for sure. So what are we going to do about Porter?"

"There's nothing to do Chris. I don't want to go through the hassle. It's not up to you, it'll be up to others to decide and they won't believe me. Even though I now know I won't loose you guys, I don't want to go through it. I'm too tired, I just want to get over this thing and get on with life."

"If that's what you want Ezra. You know we'll stand by you."

Once Ezra had eaten something and then settled into a restful sleep in his own bed Chris returned to the folder that had arrived with JD that morning. So far there had been nothing that he could use against Porter. He wanted to abide by Ezra's decision but if he could do something that Ezra didn't have to know about then he would. He read through the rest of the information that JD had obtained but it was useless to him. He would have to think of something else. Ezra was too tired and sick to retaliate but he wasn't.

Chris looked at his watch and put the folder away in his bag. The others were going to be arriving shortly and he didn't want the to know what he was trying to do and that was to repay Porter for what he had put Ezra through. Chris could feel his anger building. The knock at the door caused him to push it back down. He frowned, the others had a key, they should be letting themselves in. He moved towards the front door, his gun suddenly appeared in his hand. He held it behind his back and opened the door.

"Mr Standish? Ezra Standish?" A man in a dark suit asked Chris.

"No." Chris replied and held his gun in a tighter grip.

"This is where he lives isn't it?" The man looked down at a piece of paper he held in his hand.

"No." Chris repeated. "What do you want anyway? You trying to sell something?"

"I was told that this was where Ezra Standish lived." The tall man growled down at Chris.

The ATF agent didn't flinch, he returned the glare, his blue eyes showing the anger that began to grow once again but this time for a different reason. "So what if he does?"

The man took a step forward. "I'm here to escort him to his mother's wedding."

Chris' mouth fell open, he knew Ezra was serious when he said he wouldn't put it past his mother to send someone to take him back to Italy but he didn't think Maude would actually do it. He brought his gun around and shoved it into the face of the man that was trying to gain entrance into Ezra's townhouse. "Over my dead body and the dead bodies of his other five friends."

The man heard the threat and smiled. "Your on your own aren't you." It wasn't a question. The man was confident. He had been warned about Standish's friends but thought he was quite capable of taking care of them.

"No he isn't." Buck growled at the man's back. "You go back and tell Maude that she can't have him. He's our family now, not hers."

"I can come back." The man moved away from Chris and the gun that had been pressed into his face.

"You do and you'll be arrested for kidnapping." Chris growled at him.

"I'll get my chance." He turned away and pushed his way past Buck and turned around the group of vines that now hid him from sight.

"Was he here to do what I thought he said he was here to do and what Ezra said Maude would do?" Buck asked Chris.

"Huh?" Chris looked at him, Buck had actually sounded like Ezra for a moment.

"I said . . . " Buck started.

"He said he was here to take Ezra back to Italy for Maude's wedding." Chris told him.

"Isn't that what I just said!" Buck growled at him and stepped past him into the hallway of Ezra's apartment.

"Yep, sounding defentely like Ezra." Chris followed him into the room. They both missed the sight of the bedroom door closing.

Ezra had heard everything, the sound of knocking had woken him. He listened as Chris informed the man that he was willing to die and so were his friends to stop him from taking Ezra. He heard Buck state with effection that he was their family now and not Maude's. He felt the strength of friendship grow within him. He wasn't going to loose these men and they weren't willing to loose him. He now believed that. He pulled the robe off the back of his bedroom door and put it on. He had a phone call to make.

He moved to his bed to get the phone that he had left on the bedside table. It was no longer there. Ezra turned and looked around the room in case he had remembered incorrectly. It wasn't anywhere to be found. He would have to use the one in the living room. That didn't matter, his friends were out there. He smiled and made his way to the door. He felt a surge of hope fill him. He still felt weak, tired, his muscles still trembled with overuse but he felt as though a weight had been take off his shoulders.

He opened the door and smiled in greeting at Buck. Chris was frowning at him but stood up and moved towards up. His expression changed to one of concern.

"What's wrong Ezra?" Chris took his arm and helped him to the sofa.

"I need to make a phone call." Ezra told him.

"To who?" Buck sat next to him.

"My mother." Ezra smiled.

After plugging the phone back in and handing it to Ezra, Chris and Buck walked into the kitchen to give the younger man some privacy while he spoke to his mother. Ezra dialed the number and waited for an answer. It was a few minutes before he heard a voice on the other end of the line.

"Maude Standish please." Ezra waited while the other person told him that she wasn't available. "Tell her it's her son."

"Ezra darlin' you've come to your senses." Maude's accent came over the phone thick and strong in only a matter of seconds.

"Yes I have mother. I want you to call off your goon." Ezra spoke calmly.

"Goon, what goon are you talking about dear." The smile was in her voice but Ezra knew it was her poker face.

"I am not coming mother. That is final."

"But I want you to come Ezra. This is my wedding, you should be here with me."

"What if I told you I was sick." He knew the answer already.

"Don't be stupid Ezra, you never get sick." Maude chastised him.

"If your goon comes back he'll be arrested, we will get a confession out of him. If I come to Italy mother, it will be to arrest you for kidnapping."

"What ever do you mean. I'm not trying to kidnap you." Maude said in her defense.

"You have someone trying to use force to make me abandone my home, my job and my friends against my will. That's kidnapping. It's a felony and you will go to jail."

"It can't be done Ezra, it will be my word against the goon's." Maude's tone smiled again.

"Maybe, but I'm sure your future husband wouldn't like it." Ezra warned her.

"He wouldn't believe you."

"He doesn't have to. It's just that if you were to be arrested at your wedding well, he may change his mind about marrying you and then you'll loose all that money your marrying." Ezra smiled. Money was all his mother wanted. She wasn't marrying for love, he didn't believe she ever did. He wasn't sure about his own father though, he'd always hoped that there was some love involved in his conception.

"You wouldn't?" There was the first sound of doubt in his mother's voice.

"I would. You may get me there mother but I will make sure the wedding is stopped and your engagement ended. He won't marry you."

"Fine! If that is what you want Ezra. After all I've done for you . . . your an inconsiderate child Ezra Standish." She paused for a moment. "And I'm proud of you. You've won this one Ezra but it will be a long time before you win again." She hung up the phone. Ezra looked at it. Her words repeated in his mind. She was proud of him. Now that was a first. But it was for doing something that she had taught him to do and not for what he wanted to do with his life.

"Well?" Chris asked from the kitchen.

"She got the point. The goon will be going back without me." Ezra yawned.

"Why don't you go back to bed Ezra." Chris ordered even though it sounded more like a suggestion. "Don't forget you've got that appointment with Doctor Hancock tomorrow."

"Aw hell." Ezra grumbled. "Maybe going to Italy isn't such a bad idea afterall."

Buck followed Ezra into the bedroom for two reasons; one to catch him if he began to fall and to talk to him about what Chris had told him. He helped the smaller man into the large bed and sat down in the chair next to him. He watched as Ezra closed his eyes. He had to say something now.

"Ezra. Chris told me what Porter did and how you felt about loosing us. I know you didn't want us to know and Chris promised he wouldn't tell us but he didn't think you would mind now that he knows what happened. Porter's an asshole Ezra. You don't have to worry about him, you won't loose us. If you did, it would be over our dead bodies." He thought Ezra had fallen asleep on him but he saw the smile creep onto his face. "Ezra."

"It's okay Buck. I should have told all of you what happened. I'll know better next time."

"Good. We're still one down on the football games, we need to beat you to make it equal."

"Over my bruised and broken body." Ezra growled at him.

"You got it Ezra. We'll do what we can to acomadate you on that." He got up and moved towards the door.

"I was kidding Buck." Ezra opened his eyes.

"You kid, never, you don't know how to. Nope. If we have to bruise you and break you to win then we will." Buck smiled and left the room. He closed the door to drown out the vulgarity that came from the Southerner's mouth.

Chris stared at the numbers on the elevator panel. He growled at them hoping it would hurry them up. He was eager to get this done and then get back to the others. Ezra was improving everyday but Doctor Renneth said that it would still be a few weeks before he could return to work. It would then be a desk job for another two weeks. When Ezra had argued the decision they knew he was coming back to them. The appointment with Hancock had gone well. Ezra openly talked about things and once the Doctor had been reassured what was causing the stress and that Ezra had dealt with it by talking to his friends he allowed him to leave. Mentally he was fine but he still needed to heal physically. The next football game would have to wait.

The elevator finally stopped on the twelth floor. He stepped off it. He walked with a purpose, the black coat flowed behind him. His expression was one of pure anger and hatred. No one tried to stop him. Some of the agents knew him and had heard of his reputation. They knew he was going to do something. They followed him at a distance to watch the show. Chris knew where he was going. He turned a corner and saw the sign that indicated that he was where he wanted to be. He stepped into the office and slammed the door behind him.

The figure behind the desk stood up and moved to face him. He was too stupid to realise what the look and body language meant. Chris hit the man with all the strength he could muster. Porter fell to the ground, his nose was bloody. He felt the hands as they pulled him back up onto his feet. He fell to the ground a second time. This time his nose was broken.

"What are you doing?" He spat out at the man who hovered over him. "I'll have you arrested for this!"

"Not if I arrest you first. That was for Ezra. The next time you do anything like that to him or any other agent I'll have your balls in a sling!" Chris warned him with a cold stare. "Do you understand me Porter."

"I didn't do anything to Standish. He's lying." Porter held onto his nose trying to stop the blood that was now flowing freely from it.

"I believe Ezra and other people will too. Now. Do we have an understanding or do I have to hit you again?"

"I have witnesses, he doesn't."

"I don't see any witnesses, do you?" Chris turned to the window. He could see the men out there who had been watching. Most of them wore a smile and they turned away when Chris raised an eyebrow at them. "Nope, no witnesses."

"I'll have you thrown out for this Larabee!" Porter gurgled through the blood that was filling his mouth.

"No one will believe you Porter." Chris smiled and turned away from him. He opened the door and left. This time his body language gave an air of confidence. Ezra wasn't going anywhere. He had a home and a family, no he wasn't leaving them, not now and not later.

The End

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Ezra Standish Fan Fiction