Lullabies

An angel weeps, A devil cries
Each haunted by their alibis
As in each others arms they fell
Each captive to a lovers spell
And when on cobwebbed wings love flies
They'll each sing woeful lullabies


Love Forgotten

So easily our love forgotten
Turning memories in to rotten
Stench filled maggot covered garbage
Filling up my hearts deep well

Lurid thought of your love dying
Should leave me helplessly crying
Sobbing ever in the darkness
Weeping for the day she fell

Still I laugh at thoughts of killing
Her in ways I'm never telling
Painful, torturous, sadistic dreams
Of sending your sweet bride to hell

I'm struggling still, my love I'm trying
My hate for her there's no denying
But vengeance won't come for your lady
Only a bitter lovers tale

And as the morning sun doth find me
Deep in thought of what will not be
Yearning for you sweet caresses
Choosing me instead of Shell

I remember words you did say
Telling me that maybe one day
If your love for her did falter
You'd find me just where I dwell

And so my heart fill up with hatred
Icy cold from all that I've said
Melts away the pain I'm feeling
Leaving only a putrid smell


Used

To be Used
To have someone
Take what they want
From you then leave
Then come back
Whenever they want
Something else

"Come see me"
Now your words resound
In stifled air where angels sleep

"I love you"
Your lips repeat
As in your mind your lies you keep

"I don't want to lose you"
As your eyes go blank
Cuz in your heart you know deceit

I know the truth
I know the lies
No reason for
These alibis
I've used you too
My sins I see
But for this time
I'll lie to me


Rainbows

You say you love me
More than I'll ever know
And yet you married her
You say you love us equally
But I'm the one always hurt
Three times you left me all alone
Two times you broke my heart
Yet  I still come back when you ask
Like we were never apart
When will I learn to give up hope
Not see rainbows through the rain
When will I learn just how to cope
To see my waitings all in vain


Only In Dreams...

Covered eyes
And secret smiles
I've watched you
For many a year
Heart skips a beat
A step too close
A rosy blush
Upon my throat
We both have them
And yet we don't
My secret I kept
I held it close
And then one night
I let it slip
Three single words
Escaped my lips
It changed your life
It brought us pain
I wished for death
I hoped in vain
Our love revealed
Mistress was I
Adulterous wife
No alibis
The choice I made
I left his side
I hoped you too
Would choose this life
And yet your there
And I'm alone
Still loving you
Still holding on


Someone

When darkness falls
And shadows creep
In dreams at night
It's you I seek
My tears fall freely
When slumber takes me
And memories of you
Are all I see
And when I wake
Through tear stained eyes
I remember the morning
We said our goodbyes
I take a breath
And clear my head
Pull back the covers
Crawl out of bed
It hasn't got better
The hurts always there
But I have to go on
Just wish I had someone to care


Blue

Blue
The color of my dreams
The eyes of slate
Sparkling still
A whisper of hope
A glimmer of fear
Are mine glazed too
Do you need a mirror?
But it's only my dream
A memory past
Or is it my dear
In your dreams
What questions
Do you ask?


The wait

From struggles harsh
The soul rebounds
It knowing first
What the mind hath found
A rusty key for locks closed tight
Held in my hand just out of sight
I'll keep it close,
I'll keep it dear,
For you my love
I'll stay right here
You set me free
Your vows resound
Your heart once free
For her now bound
A choice in hast
To end the pain
Has left me here
To wait in vain


Somber Sleep

The "Ring" you lost
In somber sleep
Subconscious thoughts
Your mind doth speak
From lucid dreams
Your heart cries out
To be set free
Not to live without


The Changing

Lost in dreams of memories past
Broken dreams, demonic laughs
Shadows fall in darkened eyes
Glimmering hope in trusting lies
Tangled mind deceiving souls
Broken heart filled with holes

Then I wake from my nightmare
Crying eyes without a care
Sunlight streams through broken glass
Whispering all this too shall pass
Drying my face of all your tears
I stand up tall to face my fears


This pain I feel will help me be
A better person all will see
I'll change myself,  I'll grow a spine
I'll harden my heart,  I'll do just fine
But still I dream of memories true
But still I wish I could be with you.


Maybe One Day

I know you loved me
And I saw the pain in your eyes
It was a hard decision
Yet all my questions are whys
Why did you choose her?
Why now?
Was it all just a lie?
But I know the answers.
You had to go.
It just hurts to say goodbye.
I'll always love you
I'll always be here
My memories treasured I'll keep
In hopes that someday
Yes, maybe one day
I'll be the one that you seek


Fade

How can you just forget me
And walk away
Like it never happened at all
How can this all be over
Not even a goodbye
Unbraced I fall
My hopes are shattered
My dreams all black
My heart in pieces
No tears I lack
I won't forget you
Our memories held tight
I hold my breath
And fade into the night.........


February

... I hate February
Found out.. about 5 years ago my husband didn't love me
Never quite got over that
lol now his bestfriend
just left me and married his girlfriend
even after he just told me yesterday that he still loved me
and didn't know which one of us to choose.

Oh God what a tangled web we weave...

Oh yeah, forgot Monday's my birthday too. What a wonderfull birthday present isn't it. LOL

(written before and after "The Marriage")
February days are dark and cold
Bringing forth prophecies once foretold
Longing for rest from the ache in my heart
I wish my last breath from me would depart

February nights are long and bleak
Bringing forth images of what I seek
Dreams do not come with visions of you
I once lost everything now I've lost you too

(And then came the text
Your vows you just took
I guess on our love
You just shut the book)


For You, Not Me

Numbness
Shock
Disbelief
You couldn't even tell me
Was it all a lie?
A nightmare for me
I wish death would come quickly
For you, not for me


Aftermath

Take me God
While I'm asleep
Ease my pain
I'm in too deep
I've fallen hard
My wings are broke
Put me at peace
My life's a joke
I've hurt so many
With innocent eyes
I watch them fall
With all my lies
Show me what's right
Show me your path
Help me erase
My aftermath


Trust

I ended my life
Just to be with you
I've jumped through the fire
And lost you too
My life once clearly written
Now smudged by my pain
How could I ever trust you
How could I be so vain


My Fall

The rain streaks down
The window pane
No lights within
I hide in shame
I still believe
There's hope you see
I still believe
In you and me
Three times you chose
Three times I lost
You came back twice
Not all was lost
Now hurt and alone
Unwanted by all
I face my fears
I face my fall


Never Chosen

Always second
Never chosen
Left with teardrops
On my pillow

Said you loved me
Say you still do
Afraid to lose me
Yet you still will

Why this torment
Placed upon me
Why do I still
Fall for you

Always jumping
Always falling
Never chosen
Never first

Chose me just once
Keep me with you
Never let me
Go away

Jump with me
My darling sweetness
Into darkness
The unknown


Your Happiness

It wasn't easy for me
To give everything up
I lost it all
In the flash of a text
Before you ever knew it,
Before I was willing to forget
It wasn't all for you
It wasn't all for me
But what was done was done
And what will be will be
It hurts me still, my sweetness,
But that won't change the past
My choice... you right here by me...
But for your happiness is all I ask


Trapped

It's so hard to tell you
What you need to know
So hard to hear the pain
Trapped in your soul
But knowing it can only
Set you free
The pain will ease
No matter what will be


Stranger

It's so hard for her
To see how she has changed you
So hard to see the man
You use to be
She changed you from her love
Into a stranger
Now the strangers love
Isn't what it use to be


Choices

Your life
To live as you choose
To have as you choose
To love as you choose
I made my choice
10 years I waited
10 years I cried
10 years that choice was yours
And for 10 years I died
I never hide my pain
I never lied to you
I'd cry and scream your name
But my dreams never came true
And now that I'm gone you want me
And now that I'm gone you care
And now that I'm gone you love me
But now I'm gone I'm not scared
To lose you was my nightmare
To lose you was my pain
To lose you love had killed me
I lost it and went insane
I hurt you to make you see
I hurt you to make you feel
I hurt you to hear
My teardrops in the rain
But deaf to me you were
Uncaring and cold you felt
You didn't want to see
So I took the cards I was dealt


Undone

Take my desperation
Take my pain and wrath
Take my loneliness
And kill it with a laugh
Stifle it with smiles
Cage it with your love
Then leave me here
To die again
When my choice
Comes undone


Angel's Tears

An angels tears
Are falling down
Raining hard
Without a sound

She lost you once
And now again
She's lost you twice
Why can't this end

It was your choice
It was my fault
You chose your wife
I lost it all

But you still love
And I do too
That choice you made?
Why did you choose?

Did you draw straws?
Why did I loose?
How can you leave
When you miss me too


Snugglyboo

You wake with a start
And you feel me there
My breath upon your neck
My breast, the warmth,
Pressed tight to you
My hands... they are not there
I'm just a dream, a memory past
A taste lingering on your lips..  
I miss you too
My Sweetness, My Love,
My only Snugglyboo...


Say My Name

Say my name just one time
Let me here it from your heart
Let me hear the emotions
Caught in your eyes
Brought to life in just one word.
Such a simple request
You could not fill
Couldn't even say it in my dreams
And now I'm lost amidst a fog of pain
Can you say it and bring me home?
Would the love shine through and drag me out
Or would it drown me with the pain?


Dreaming of Phoenix

Dreaming of Phoenix
And you here in my arms
Dreaming of Phoenix
We both came so far

But you left me crying
And you left me dying
You left me lying
But not in your arms

Now I'm here without you
And Phoenix is so far
And your just a memory in the dust
But you said you loved me
And you'd come back for me
And in your arms I put my trust

But you left me crying
And you left me dying
You left me lying
But not in your arms

And Phoenix is so far
And I'm here without you
Dreaming of Phoenix back in your arms
Dreaming of being there in your arms


My Always Broken Heart

Each time I held onto your trust
Each time I let you fall
Each time you left a shattered hole
Each time I built a wall
My you's are few
And far between
My trust not easily gained
My walls are high
And barbed with spite
Yet so easily in you came
Right through the lies
And hurtful words set forth
To keep you out
My castles fallen once again
To my always broken heart


Walls I've built

I've fallen
And fallen
A thousand times
Each harder than the first
And still
I let each wall I build
Be brought down to the earth
The trust I put
Into your arms
I've taken from myself
I've no more need
To trust myself
No reason
To deserve.


Control Me

Controlling manipulative
Every thought, every move
Just like we use to
Bring me down
Just to watch me cry
Pick me up
Like every before
Trapped by lies
Held by fear
Killed by
Truths of yesteryear
Left you once
And I'm still gone
As I lay right here
In your arms
Pain is sweet
This blades my friend
Slowly, shallow
So as not to end
This life we share
My tortured hell
My lovely life
Where this angel fell


Pictures Not Taken

Living secrets
Living lies
Hiding from
Your alibis
Truths in pictures
Memories lie
Never taken
Never right
Steal my dreams
And give me yours
Laughing once
Like we did before  ...


Memories

Memories of broken dreams
Lullabies of better things
Living death and cheating life
Games we play deep in the night
Tear my heart out, give me hope
Take my hand and help me cope
Bring me back from things we've lost
Bring me back at any cost


Damned

Damned to hell by lovers tears
Damned to hell by my own fears
Scorched by truths that should be lies
Burned by icy alibis
Loves a game that angels play
Satan's whores do what they say
Mistress, Wife or your best friend
Hells the only place to end
So join me here, your chair I've kept
I've loved you through all the tears I've wept
Cuts have bled red streaks of pain
Clouds have poured out sheets of rain
It's time for me to heal and mend
It's time for this bad dream to end...


Shadow Of Your Love


Then-
The sun set and the moon rose
On my empty heart.
The shadow of your love was bitter cold
Like the icy rains of a northern storm
And I was lost and alone in its path.
My body felt as if it had been pierced
By a thousand daggers again and again
As everything I saw sparked a memory of you.
Tired and weak from to many
Wasted tears and pent up fears
I pulled myself out of bed
Knowing that only years would heal the pain
And I started my life again.

Now-
The sun has risen on my heart again
Little gray clouds of doubt
Slowly float away.
I have found a new love and the umbrella
Of his love shields me from the rain.
His caring touch heals
The wounds of your memories
And life continues and repeats
And the sun will set
And the sun will rise
Again and Again
Forever



Illusions


My pain encases me
As the protective walls
Of your love tumble to the ground
Is it only an illusion?
Some bad dream came to haunt me?
You say you don?t know what love is
Yet for all those years you said you did
Is it the feelings you have for another?
Has thoughts of her made you
Doubt your love for me?
I set in the warmth of out house
Yet I am cold
Without the blanket of your love
I feel as if life has no meaning.
Yet at one time I had those same doubts
Did you feel as cold as I now do?
Will the warmth of your love ever drive away the pain?



Pleasure n' Pain


I tried to show you pleasure
Only followed it with pain
You showed me how to love again
And how to dance out in the rain
You kissed my heart so gently
Then tossed it to the side
I gave it back to you because
My love for you I cannot hide
We once loved so deeply
Have the oceans all gone dry?
Or will our love come back again
Like the ebbing of the tide
Should I wait to watch the sunset
Or should I just say goodbye?
I?ve held you oh so tightly
Now my arms are growing weak
Will you stay because you love me?
I pray dear, Please just speak??



Playing House


The only thing I ever wanted
Was for you to love me
Like I loved you
We married and played house
Our lives each in tourment
From the others pain
Yet it was never real
We had both lied
Too many times
To trust the other.
How could it last?
I never knew
But never wanted it to end
Now it has
Just like my life will soon.



Numb


I felt so numb.
I could think of nothing else.
The picture of you fucking her
Keeps running through my mind.
How could you?
You said you loved me!
Even in my dreams
You're there.
I didn't know what else to do.
Please God, forgive me.



Darkness Falls


Darkness falls.
Only shadows remain.
No sound can be heard
I am left alone with my thoughts,
And dreams........

And then I am there again.
In that old castle.
It all seems so familiar
And yet I know
I have never been here before.

I am waiting for you.
Yet I don't know who you are.
I long for you.
To feel your touch again,
But I have never met you.
I lean my head to the side,
Exposing my neck for you
And then it is all gone.

I am running, running from the castle.
Trying to make it to the other side
Before the waters come back
To claim their place around the island
And the castle.

I turn and look back, looking for you.
The waters crash in and over me,
And I wake.
Drenched in sweat
Still longing for you,
For a stranger whose touch
I know I've felt before.



I Wish I'd Known


Tears flow freely
Up from hell's gates.
Tears for you, I've shed so much.
Lakes of fire, made up of them.
Lovers tears fell from above.
Always hurting,
Heart was aching.
Trying to prove my love to you.
Loved you so much
Heart was braking
Wanted free from my own hell.
Pill a plenty I had before me.
Knives had cut my skin so deep.
Now the pain I had in heaven,
Always here I'll have to keep.
Tears flow freely down around me.
Tears from you........ I wish I'd known.
You did love me, in our heaven
You did love me, I wish I'd known.



Sweetness...


Do you remember
Your entire body tingling
Butterflies in your belly
All from just a touch,
Or a look,
Or just the sound of a voice?

I do.

Everytime I think of you.