We went on talking, and I would have just hung out there all night, except…

Ambrosious began chasing after Carrie’s cat, a black cat given the charming name "Crack Head" and of course Didymus tried to stop the madness. To no avail.

Of course, no one could see Ambrosious, except, apparently, Crack Head, who was yowling and darting around the front lawn…and into the house.

"Oh dear," sighed Jareth.

"Ambrosious!" Didy was shouting. "Ambrosious, come back here!"

I wanted to see the fun, and besides, I knew Brian would want to know where I was, so I went on into the house, watching Crack Head zipping up and down the stairs and in and out of rooms.

"She must be in heat," Carrie was explaining to David Barnes.

I laughed.

Ambrosious chased Crack Head up onto the second floor again. There was this loft kind of thing upstairs, a balcony kind of thing overlooking the downstairs living room, which was where I was. And well, the cat climbed up to the little balcony wall and dived down, apparently suicidal.

Carrie screamed, but I did the coolest thing ever. I caught Crack Head, right in my arms, that stupid cat.

"Oh my god," Carrie breathed. "You saved her, oh, my poor stupid baby…" Carrie was walking over with her arms out for Crack Head.

"Ambrosious, no!" I heard Didymus yell. Ambrosious saw the cat in my arms…and tackled me.

Crack Head’s response was to cling to my face, scratching my ears with her claws. I stumbled backwards, and hit the table with the chips and food and stuff on it. And the beer. I fell into the table, and the whole thing came down. I shudder with embarrassment even as I tell this. That, I think, was the worst moment of my life. Which, that’s not so bad, by comparison, but in my context, it’s really horrible.

Everything hit the floor at once in this terrific crash, and Carrie Ng was screaming again, and I threw Crack Head off me, and Ambrosious kind of slunk away to Didy, and Jareth appeared beside me. All at once, it seemed like.

Everyone had stopped what they were doing, just staring at me, sitting on the table, in a pile of chips and dip, beer from a broken bottle soaking on my jeans and Carrie’s carpet.

It was David who came sailing into the silence like a hero, rushing over to gather up bottles, trying to stop the spilling. Others ran over to help. "Melanie, are you okay?" he was asking me, his hand on my shoulder, looking at me with his big, blue, concerned eyes.

"Um…yeah," I began, and started to get up.

"My carpet," Carrie moaned. "My father’s going to kill me…oh, god, Melanie…"

She was still despairing when Brian walked in.

Brian ignored her. He took one look at things, jerked my arm, and pulled me up and started dragging me out of there.

I began the horrendous litany of I’m-sorries as he walked me through the living room, out the door, to the car. He opened the door on my side, and pushed me in.

I had not stopped apologizing when he got in his side.

"Shut up," he told me dully.

I sat back, marveling had how quickly everything had turned to shit. I’d been laughing with Jareth and Didymus and Hoggle a moment before, enjoying myself immensely, and the next thing I knew, I was alone, in Brian’s car with him, waiting for him to begin ranting at me after the most humiliating experience in my life, his only favor to me to cut it mercifully short by dragging me away to be berated by him in private.

"What in the hell were you thinking?"

"It was an accident!" I cried.

"Dammit, Melanie, you totally embarrassed me!"

"You!?"

"Me! God, I’m so tired of you, you know that? You’re always doing this kind of thing to me!"

"I am not!"

"And look at you. Why did I even think I could bring you here? If you’re going to be overweight, you can at least learn how to dress."

"It’s a tee-shirt and blue jeans!"

"But it’s a party! You could have at least made an attempt to look nice."

"Then why didn’t you say something before we got here?"

And it just progressed from there. Things were escalating. Brian’s language hit bottom and so did mine. And whew, you should have heard the things he was calling me. Didymus heard them. That was enough.

See, I hadn’t noticed Didy in the backseat until he suddenly broke in.

"Yon churl needs to be taught a lesson about how one treats a lady," he said.

My eyes widened, and I looked back at him. He smiled genially and took off his hat. I blinked, knowing full well it wouldn’t do to talk to Didy in front of Brian, and turned around.

"My lady," Didymus continued, "I simply don’t understand why you put up with this."

"And another thing," Brian was saying.

"You can do so much better for yourself. A kind, gentle lady…"

"You can just forget…"

"Ill-bred simpleton cannot…"

"If I ever hear…"

"HEY! Be quiet!" I shouted.

Brian reached up from the wheel to grab my face in his hand. He did it hard, his fingers sinking into my cheeks. "What did you tell me?" he demanded, his voice very ugly and very quiet.

Didymus was in action. "Cease and desist, unmanly cad!" he roared, and raised his staff, and hit Brian soundly on the head.

"Didy, don’t!" I shrieked.

Brian didn’t hear me say anything, he was busily trying to get his car back in the right lane, veering over the asphalt.

"WHAP, I say!" Didymus cried, hitting him again. "And WHAP I say again! I’ll teach this young hooligan some manners!"

The car careened to a halt on the side of the road. "Melanie! Quit it!" Brian shouted. His eyes were this kind of muddy brown color, and they were downright scary then. He looked as crazy as I felt.

"I’m not…but…"

Brian opened his door and almost leaped out of the car. "Get out!" he yelled at me. "Get out of my car! You can just walk home you…" Well, I’m not going to tell you what he called me. It involved a liberal use of words meaning "not all there."

I was just sitting there in total shock, and he threw open my door and pulled me out onto the grass by the side of the road. I went down on my butt, and there was Didy, hopping out just in time. Brian almost caught his tail in the door, but Didymus never bothered about it.

Then Brian was back in the car, slamming his door, and peeling away into the night.

I sat there in the dark for a minute, listening to the sound of cars going by on other streets, watching the glow of house lights. I was about a mile from my house.

"Never fear, fair maiden," Didymus was saying, offering his hand to help me up. "I will see thee safely home."

"Oh. Great. Wow. I’m sooooooo thankful you’re here! What would I *do* without you?" I snapped, sarcasm dripping off the words.

Didymus smiled, pleased. "Thank you, Lady Melanie."

I pulled my knees up to my chest and started to cry.

"Now, now, my lady, don’t be distressed. That base churl was far beneath you; and I’ve no doubt in my mind you will find your true prince."

"But…but…I…"

An arm went around my shoulder, and pulled me close. Jareth.

"Melanie, stop crying."

"Why?" I demanded. "Brian…Brian…left me h-here and I-I-I’m all alone and…"

"You have us," Hoggle said, patting my hand.

I glanced up at him, looking for the way to best point out my distaste. Instead, I just dropped my head back down and sobbed.

"Melanie," Jareth said finally, "you simply must realize that—"

"I know. Brian was just a real jerk and I’m better off."

"Well—"

"And I’m pretty and interesting and I’ll find someone else who’ll treat me right eventually."

"No, that wasn’t—"

"And I know that soon I’ll forget all about that asshole Brian. Well, who cares!?"

"Actually, I was just going to point out the fact that you have to get up and walk now, so we’d better start moving."

"You can’t just teleport me or something?"

He looked at me for a long time, and then sighed wearily. "No."

"You are the most pathetic hallucination."

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