Flirting With Insanity
Part 4
[She sat in front of her favorite seat by the window with Sir Gordon in her lap. Mummy and Daddy were supposed to be coming soon. And she was going to get a prezzie, ‘cause Daddy promised her. Mummy was in her bedroom, getting all pretty and smelling like flowers. She laughed when she asked what her what it was. “You won’t get it out from me what your daddy is going to get you, me darling Joyceln. So you just go out and play with your pig, else you won’t be getting that prezzie until the morning.”
She gave her Mummy a sweet smile, the one that Grandda said was just likes Mummy’s, and said, “But Sir Gordon wants to know what I is getting!”
“You’ll be getting air and a belly full of tickles, me wee one,” Mummy growled as she grabbed her and tickled her tummy. She shrieked with laughter. Then Mummy gave her smacking kisses, the ones that she liked best, as Mummy put her down with a hug. “Now go on and play, sweet. Else there’s no prezzie for you if you’re naughty.”
“Is my sweet little honey being bad?” Daddy’s voice boomed. She looked up and giggled. Daddy had his not real angry face on, the one where he liked to pretend he was angry. “Darling, you think Joyceln should get her prezzie when we come back?”
“Hmm. I don’t know, darling,” Mummy said as she sprayed perfume on her head. She sniffed the air, she smelled like Mummy now so she giggled. “What do you think, my sweet wee one?”
“I is good, Mummy,” she said earnestly. She looked up at her Daddy and he picked her and Sir Gordon up. She wrapped her arms around her Daddy’s neck and looked at him earnestly, her brown eyes huge. She was old enough to know that when she did that, her Daddy would get her anything she wanted. “Really, Daddy.”
Daddy laughed his booming laugh again. “Then you’ll get your prezzie, sweet.” He put her down with a kiss and swatted her bottom. “Now go and play. Mummy and I will be back soon.”
She scampered away as fast as she could to her favorite place. In the room with all the books , the one that smelled like Daddy and Mummy. She picked up Sir Gordon and smiled. “We’re gonna get a prezzie today, Sir Gordon. Mummy and Daddy said so.”
She had pinched Sir Gordon’s nose when she heard singing. “I see you, can you see me? Singing to all O’Conners and to thee. Poor wee one, happy as can be. She doesn’t know what’s to be. First there were Mummy and Daddy, and now there’s only thee.”
Joyce looked up from her seat see who was singing. She felt herself get on her feet and walk towards the heavy oak door. “Poor wee one, she was happy as could be. She had her own wee one, but now she’s gone. Poor wee one, sitting all alone. Poor wee one, so far from home.”
Opening the door, Joyce stepped through…and into a dingy, dark little motel room. She looked around and then saw a small huddled form on the bed, crying. “You can see Joyceln’s wee one, but can she see you?”
Joyce lifted the covers and found her baby, huddled with Mr.Gordo and crying. When she reached over to touch her, Buffy faded away. “Buffy!”]
“Buffy!” shouted a voice. At the shout, Xander woke shot up from his comfortable position, then felt air cushion him before he felt the hard floor meet him.
“Oh, man, what a landing,” Xander groaned as he grabbed his head. He used the coffee table as leverage to lift himself up. And saw Buffy’s mother, standing in front of the couch, wrapping her arms around herself and shivering. She was looking around her living room with tears running down her face as the sunlight streamed in behind her. “Mrs.Summers-“
She looked around fearfully, her arms wrapped around her body and letting out a small whimper as she stepped back. “Banshee.”
“Mrs.Summers,” called Xander out as he slowly started to rise from the floor. He lifted his hands up as he looked at her. She was scared for some reason, and he didn’t know why. “Mrs. Summers, it’s all right. It’s me, Xander.”
Her eyes resting on Buffy’s friend, she looked at him with confused eyes. There was a small light in her brown eyes as she looked at him. “Xander, is Buffy-did she-“
“Buffy didn’t call, Mrs.Summers,” Xander said softly and felt a pang go through him when the light in her eyes died. “But I’m sure that she will. I mean, Buffy can’t be gone for long. I mean, we have most of her stuff and she’s-“
“She took the only thing that mattered to her,” Joyce said softly as she sat down on the couch. The memory of what she found and what she didn’t find in Buffy’s room came back to her with a rush. Her head turned towards the window again, and the living room was filled with silence. “She won’t be coming back.”
[This is so not good,] thought Xander as he cleared his throat. “Buffy’ll be back. And she’ll want to-to make sure that you’re taking real good care of her stuff. Really.”
When Buffy’s mother didn’t answer, Xander thought desperately. “Hey, Mrs.Summers! Um, did you get the teddy bear? For Kendra?”
“A teddy bear?” Joyce repeated slowly as she turned to look at Xander. “For Kendra.”
Xander nodded frantically, happy that she was responding to him. “Yeah, a teddy bear. ‘cause I’m sure that Giles called Kendra’s Watcher and I know that he’s gonna come soon-“
Joyce slowly rose from her seat by the window as she ran her fingers through her hair. She gave one last look at the empty street. Still no Buffy. She looked at Xander hesitantly. “I’ll call Murphy Toys and ask him to bring a few bears here. He owes me a favor or two.”
Xander nodded. “That sounds like an idea, Mrs.S. And while you’re doing that, can I raid your fridge? I’m kinda hungry.”
Joyce nodded as she tried to remember where she put her address book. Then a thought hit her. “Xander, can you call Mr.Giles and tell him that I’d like-I’d like to meet Kendra’s Watcher?”
“Sure thing, Mrs.S,” Xander nodded his head as he headed towards the kitchen. He looked up at the ceiling as he punched Giles’s number. “Giles, I hope you find Buffy soon ‘cause Mrs.S looks close to losing it.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shaking his head at the variety and sizes of teddy bears, Xander picked up a silly looking brown bear with a tool belt and grinned. “I never knew that there were so many bears around.” His eye spotted a purple bear wearing a tutu. “Or that they’d have a gender. Do you see anything that you like, Mrs. S?”
Alarmed when she didn’t answer him, Xander watched Buffy’s mother as she picked up a white bear and buried her face into it. “Mrs. Summers?”
Joyce’s hand trembled as she touched a sweet looking white bear with huge black eyes. It had a large red bow tie and was as soft as down. She nuzzled the bear as she hugged it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“And this is for you, honey,” Joyce said as she waggled the white teddy bear in front of her infant daughter. Over the crib, she smiled as her baby looked at her with wide eyes. “Your daddy bought it just for you. You like it, baby?”
Joyce laughed as her daughter burped loudly. She put the bear down and then picked up a small green dragon. “And this is Pete. He’s from your Uncle Dante and Aunt Anne. Not an original name, but hey, that’s okay. And I have no idea why Anne let him send a dragon to you; but then again, your Uncle Dante’s always been strange. That’s why he sent a book of Emerson’s poetry and jazz tapes. But, enough about that, you like him?”
Her baby just grinned at her, and then burped. Joyce laughed again. “All right, tough crowd. Here’s the lion that Nana Bethie brought, a sure winner. The bona fide, ferocious lion that guards the Carruthers family estate in England, all Carruthers children love him. And you, my dear, are a part of. You like him?”
Joyce shook her head as her daughter just burped again. She stroked the downy golden head, marveling at the precious little surprise before her. “You’re supposed to like him. Nana sent him, and you were named after Nana Bethie, my young Elizabeth Anne, so you have to like Lionel.”
She reached over to tickle her daughter’s tummy, happy that her daughter giggled. Her eyes grew dreamy as she stroked the downy head again. “Your name is ‘Elizabeth’ named after Nana Bethie and ‘Anne’ after your Aunt Anne, but we just let your daddy think that we’ve named you after his mother. So, you, my wee one, were named after my two favorite people in the world. Now, you sure that you don’t like Lionel the lion that guards Lion’s Gate Manor, Bethie?”
Bethie simply burped again, and Joyce gave her daughter a mock glare as she picked her up. “You know, burping is considered extremely rude, Bethie. I hope you know that.” Bethie belched so loudly, Joyce had to laugh again. “Oh-ho! You’re commenting on my motherly admonishments. Shame on you!”
“You’re just a little burping machine, aren’t you?” Joyce snickered as Bethie burped again, then gurgled. “All right, you’re a bit young for me to comment on manners. Being almost two months old. But I expect that you shall listen to what I have to say when you get older.” Bethie burped again and Joyce had to laugh. “I shall take that as a ‘yes’. Now what else have we gotten here?”
Joyce cradled her daughter to her side as she looked around the present laden room. Gifts from all around the world filled every corner of it. Arlene, Dante’s sister, had given her a lovely baby blanket; along with a gift set of Broadway show tunes. Grandda and Grandma MacGilarvy brought a handmade rocking chair, while the MacGilarvy and Carruthers cousins all sent her a variety of toys, clothes and promises to visit as soon as they could arrange it.
Hank was not looking forward to seeing any of them, but Joyce really didn’t care. She looked down at the cooing baby in her arms. “You are going to love seeing all your cousins, and they are going to adore you. Did you know that you’re the only female grandchild like me? Well, technically the great-grandchild, but who really cares about that little great, right? You are going to wrap them around your tiny finger, Bethie. Did you know that?”
Bethie giggled when Joyce waved the tiny hand, and then kissed it. “And they’re supposed to visit soon, and you’re going to love them. Your daddy isn’t, but then that’s because he’s still annoyed that they pulled a male thing on him. I already have their promise that they won’t do anything to disturb your daddy.”
Bethie blinked, then burped loudly as Joyce grinned. “No, I am not telling you what they almost did to your daddy, honey. We want to keep his dignity. Now, how about-Oh! You’re hungry? You want some food?”
As she sat in the rocking chair, Joyce opened her blouse and maneuvered her breast towards Bethie’s eager little mouth. As she suckled, Bethie’s small hand fisted as it clung on to the ends of her blouse. It seemed to be a new thing with Bethie, her latching on to some part of her clothing as she ate or slept, she didn’t mind. She rocked the chair as looked around the room, sighing over all the presents then at her daughter. She loved this quiet time with her baby, when her baby needed her. She hummed an off-key version of the Bee Gees’ ‘How Deep Is Your Love’.
When Bethie was done, Joyce shifted and Bethie latched on to her other breast eagerly. And again, a small fist grabbed on to the edges of her blouse. She stroked the downy head as her daughter suckled. “You know, I know that you’re too young for this, but where on earth are we going to put all your toys and clothes?”
When she was done, Bethie burped, then gurgled. Joyce laughed. “Yeah, I though you would say that, you little munchkin. I hope you don’t end up being a pack rat like me. Come on, honey, let’s go and make your daddy some dinner. You want to take Daddy’s teddy with you? You really must stop burping, young lady.”
Bethie burped again, and then gurgled as her little hands flailed wildly. Laughing at her burping daughter, Joyce simply shook her head as she grabbed the white bear and headed out the door. “We really must have a serious talk about this burping of yours, honey.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Mrs. Summers?” Xander repeated again. He touched her shoulder gently, and became alarmed when he saw the tears in her eyes. “Are you all right?”
Joyce sniffed as she pulled away from the bear. “I was just remembering-I like this bear. Before I gave her Sir Gordon, Buffy used to-” She took another deep breath. “Do you see a bear that Kendra would’ve liked?”
“Kendra didn’t seem like the teddy bear type,” Xander said honestly. At her dismayed look, he amended, “Well, what I meant was that she was always so serious when I first met her. She really didn’t speak to me; she spoke more to Giles, Willow and Buffy. And then, on her next visit, we find out that she named her favorite lucky stake, Mr. Pointy. Just what does that say about her?”
“That she was a girl,” Joyce said, sniffling softly as she picked up a bear from the floor. It was a pink bear with a blue and white gingham dress on. “She was as sweet and whimsical as everyone else, and that she was Buffy’s friend. That’s enough for me.“
“Right,” Xander said as he looked at the bears. He picked one up. “How about this one? It’s quite a girly bear. Brown bear that’s all dressed in white. With a matching friend in a tux! Hey! I hear the door!”
“A bride and groom bear,” Joyce sniffled as she took the bears from him and placed them on the couch. She picked up a snowy white bear holding a book. “How about this bear? He’s-he’s sort of cute. Xander?”
When he didn’t answer, Joyce turned to look at him, and saw that Mr.Giles was with him. And behind him was a stranger wearing a taupe wrinkled linen suit, gold-rimmed glasses and had skin as dark as coffee. For some reason, the sight of him wearing gold-rimmed glasses comforted her, but not by much. Her skin formed goose bumps as she calmly measured the man.
An awkward silence filled the living room until Xander cleared his throat. “Well, I really love this silent contest on who’s going to speak first, which is, usually me, but I think that I’ll go and introduce you all-“
“Xander,” Giles said quietly. Immediately, Xander shut up. Giles looked at Joyce carefully. “Joyce, this is Mr.Zabuto, Kendra’s Watcher.”
Joyce greeted him with a cool nod. “Mr. Zabuto.”
“Mrs. Summers,” Sam Zabuto said as he nodded to her. He smiled a small polite smile at her, the Mother of the Slayer. “Mr. Giles has said that you wished to see me.”
“Yes,” Joyce said shortly, her hands gripping the bear as so many thoughts whirled around in her mind. She wanted to ask him so many things, but didn’t know how to start. When she said nothing, Giles cleared his throat, and all attention turned towards him.
Seeing her death grip on the white bear, Giles spoke gently as he walked towards her. “Joyce, did you want to ask Mr. Zabuto something? Did you want to give him this bear?“
Joyce stared at him for a second, then looked down at her hands. Becoming aware of the death grip she had on the poor bear. Suddenly, she knew what she wanted to ask him. “Did you know Kendra?”
Surprised, Sam Zabuto stared at her. “I was her Watcher-“
“No,” Joyce said as she shook her head. “Did you really know Kendra?”
Not liking how the meeting was going or even where it was going, Giles started to speak. “Joyce-“
“No,” Joyce said fiercely as her eyes never left Sam Zabuto’s. “Did you really know Kendra? What she liked? What she hated? What she did in her free time? What she wanted to do when she grew up?”
“I see no relevance,” Sam Zabuto started, but Joyce cut him off.
“It has every relevance,” Joyce said fiercely. “I have been hearing different things about Kendra from Xander and Willow. And from Buffy. But they’re all different, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is this: Did you know Kendra?”
“I don’t-I don’t understand the question,” Sam Zabuto said, his eyes darting to look at Mr.Giles. He looked equally confused.
Joyce looked at Buffy’s Watcher. “What kind of music did Buffy like?”
“Pardon?” Mr.Giles asked, confused. Joyce repeated the question. He stared at her, still not understanding what she was trying to say. “As far as I know, she didn’t listen to anything that resembled music, just a lot of synthesized sounds.”
Joyce made a faint smile at that before she asked her next question, “What was her least favorite subject?”
“She had none. As far as she was concerned school was her least favorite subject,” Mr. Giles said slowly. He looked at her, the simplicity of her questions dawning. “Joyce-“
Ignoring him, Joyce looked at Kendra’s watcher. “What was Kendra’s favorite music?”
“She didn’t listen to music,” Mr.Zabuto said automatically. “She was not-“
“Allowed to listen to music?” Joyce finished for him. She gave him a cold look. “Just like she was not allowed to watch t.v. Or date or go shopping or have friends. Is that right?”
Bristling, Mr. Zabuto glared at her. “A Slayer has a duty to her people, the world. She should not have time to pursue frivolous matters that would deter her attention from her duties. Her duty-“
“Was to defend the world because she was a Chosen One. A girl picked to defend the world from vampires and yada yada,” Joyce said sarcastically. “Fine. She did that, but after the dawn came, and the evil was defeated, who was she?”
“Did she like ice cream? Did she hate math? What kind of foods did she like? Did she have any friends? Was there a boy she had a crush on? What did she do in her spare time? What did she dream of being when it was day?” Joyce asked, her questions erupting from her. “You watched over Kendra, the Slayer. But who was Kendra when she wasn’t a Slayer?”
Sam Zabuto bit out. “Did you know who she was? Did you even know who your daughter was?”
“I thought I did. I used to know my daughter. Before-before everything, Buffy used to tell me everything that happened in her day,” Joyce whispered, her eyes closing. “She used to chatter endlessly, like a magpie. And was so filled with energy. She ate like there was no tomorrow, except of raw oysters, escargot, baby celery and kidney beans. Buffy really hates kidney beans. Kendra agreed with her that kidney beans were really yucky. Kendra also hated airplane food, it had no flavor, so Buffy suggested that she make her own lunch when she came to visit. Buffy promised that when she got here, the two of them would go and pig out on pizza, tacos, Chinese food, hamburgers and French fries.”
“But Kendra-but Kendra wasn’t allowed to visit. Her guardian wouldn’t let her; she had work, schooling, and training. A life so young, all she had to do was work and train. Buffy understood when Kendra said she couldn’t visit, but I didn’t. Why did a sixteen-year-old girl have to work and train constantly? And for what? Why?” Joyce opened her eyes, not knowing that her eyes were haunted and glistening. She looked at Sam Zabuto, her voice soft and filled with pain. “Did I know my daughter Buffy? Yes. She has always been the most wonderfully maddening surprise of my life that I have never regretted having. But, did I know my daughter the vampire slayer? No. That girl is a stranger to me, I don’t know her, but I will. Did you know Kendra, when she wasn’t a Slayer? Did you know anything about her?”
Sam Zabuto remained silent, and Joyce waited for him to answer. When he didn’t say anything, she shook her head. “You can’t have Kendra, you didn’t know her.”
“Joyce, you can’t stop him from taking Kendra,” Giles said softly. When Joyce looked at him, her brown eyes so cold, they sent shivers down his spine. “He is-he is still her legal guardian and is entitled-“
“No, he’s not entitled to care for her,” Joyce interrupted softly. She looked at him with solemn eyes. “I-I called the police department today, after I called Murphy’s Toys. I told them that I wished to take full account for Kendra’s funeral. They’re bringing the papers this afternoon. To sign.”
“Joyce,” Mr. Giles whispered, but she ignored him. “You can’t-“
“I wasn’t-I wasn’t sure about you,” Joyce said, ignoring Mr.Giles, as her gaze rested on Sam Zabuto. “I wanted to meet you because-because I wanted be sure that Kendra was going to be with people who cared about her, where someone could take care of her. Not because she was a slayer, but because she was Kendra, Buffy’s friend.”
“But you weren’t her friend,” Joyce said softly as she sadly shook her head. “You were just her Watcher. And she was just a Slayer to train. She wasn’t just Kendra.”
As Sam Zabuto remained silent, Joyce shook her head again. This time her voice was hard when she spoke to him. “You can’t have her.”
“Joyce,” Giles said as Joyce started to turn away. “It’s not the obligation of every Watcher to be friends with his Slayer-“
“But it is if you’re going to be her guardian,” Joyce said as she looked at him. Her voice hardened. “Or are you saying that she deserved less than a normal girl in that department. Slayers shouldn’t have friends or parents or people that just care about them?”
Giles shook his head. “No, I’m not saying that at all. It’s just that you can’t differentiate parts of a person’s personality. It’s not that simple-“
“Yes, it is. It is that simple. You knew what-who Buffy was when she wasn’t doing whatever you had her killing vampires or saving the world. You knew she had a life before slaying and after slaying, you knew she had a home life, a family, friends, people that loved her simply because she was just Buffy Summers, a kid from Los Angeles, and not-a-a slayer,” Joyce said as she looked at him. “Didn’t you?”
Giles remained silent as Joyce pointed, with a trembling finger, to the son of a bitch that was supposed to be Kendra’s guardian, her Watcher. “But he lived with her, housed her, took care of her…and he doesn’t even know what foods she hated! Just give me a good reason to give her to him! Just one good reason. Can you do that? Can he do that?”
When the room remained silent, Joyce started to turn and walk away when a low voice spoke. “Kendra refused to eat peas if they were over cooked.”
Sam Zabuto was as still as a statue as Buffy’s mother slowly turned to look at him. “She hated over cooked peas, unripe papayas and unsalted mangoes. She loved spicy meat patties that were sold in a market just around the house. She loved getting the phone calls Buffy made and the small packages she sent. But most of all, she adored my housekeeper and her husband.”
Sam Zabuto gave a small, harsh chuckle as he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “I took her in when she was barely two years, raised her, taught and trained her. But the ones she loved most of all, were Jean-Pierre and Marie LeGrande, my old nanny and her husband. And they worshipped her.”
Joyce watched as pain filled the man’s dark eyes. He sat down heavily in the armchair, as if he were carrying a huge weight. She moved closer as he remained silent. Then he looked up at her, then at Mr. Giles, his voice hoarse as he spoke, almost as if he were apologizing for his servants’ affections for Kendra. “They spoiled her terribly, you know. They knew who she was, what her duties were, what her future would be, and that didn’t matter to them. To them, she was just another girl baby to be raised in the Zabuto family. Kendra was the girl-child of the young Mr. Zabuto, and that was that.”
“In their eyes, she could do no wrong. When she was five, she had broken the hall clock with her training staff. She had placed a fine net on the end of the staff and was trying to catch a butterfly that had landed on the clock. I was angry that she had broken the clock, and then Jean-Pierre came and said it had been broken once before by me over twenty years ago, so it shouldn’t matter that it was broken again,” said Sam as he remembered, as if it was only yesterday. Memories came crashing into his mind, and he shook his head as if to clear it of them. “She was always so active when she was young, quite wild. I had trouble, trying to calm her down, to make her control her emotions, but not Jean-Pierre. Even as a child, she always listened to Jean-Pierre when he told her to be still or to help him weed the garden.”
“He was difficult to argue with, but when Marie was at her side, there was no winning the argument, no matter how hard I tried. It is-it is no easy feat to win an argument against one that knew you as a naughty baby,” Sam Zabuto said as he stared at his hands as he remembered something else about the girl he watched over. He looked up at Giles. “Did you know, after she had come to stop Spike and Drucilla that your slayer had sent a huge box to Kendra. Filled with magazines, crisps and tapes.”
“And a Walkman,” Xander said. The adults looked at him, and he flushed. “It took us three weeks to get enough money to pay for that thing and then another week to pay for the postage on that package. We didn’t know if Kendra had a stereo or not, so we got her a Walkman.”
Sam Zabuto nodded slowly. “And a Walkman. I was about to confiscate the entire lot, even before Kendra saw what it was, when Marie smacked my hand with her wooden spoon. I was not to touch it, it belonged to Kendra and if I knew what was good for me, I would allow her to have this small thing.”
He smiled, lost in his memories of Jamaica, Marie, Jean-Pierre and Kendra. ”So I did not, and for weeks after, Kendra read and reread her magazines and played her music over and over when she was not doing her duty. It took me six months to discover that it was her using the stereo in my study. And again, it was Marie and Jean-Pierre that came to her defense, and so she was allowed to use it when it was free time for her and me.”
“Sometimes, after the training and studies had been finished, and her patrol complete, I would walk by her open room, and I would see her, sitting in her room, reading her magazines as the music played in her Walkman, next to the flowers Jean-Pierre always put there for her. The crisps, she had saved for over two months, in air-tight containers, eating two crisps a night, after patrol,” said Sam as he shook his head, wondering inanely at the peculiarities of youth.
“I had only found out that she still had the crisps because Marie had teased her, that it was as if she were eating gold instead of crisps. And Jean-Pierre said that she was, she was eating a gold crisp from her friend in the United States,” Sam Zabuto said trying to make a small smile, and failing. He looked at Joyce, not knowing that his dark eyes were pleading with her. “They want her home, Mrs. Summers. They demanded that I bring their girl home so that they can care for her and put her favorite flowers around her. Please.”
“And what about you?” Joyce asked softly. “What do you want?”
“I want her to be back in Jamaica, listening to the stereo,” Sam said automatically. He looked down at his hands again. “But that will not happen, will it? Kendra is gone.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
UNFINISHED FIC....
WILL BE FINISHED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE...