A
Different Perspective

As a banged up little car noisily made its way down the street, the silence within the car deafened its passengers. As he drove, Giles was acutely aware of the silence, and of the girl that sat beside him, determinedly not looking at him.

Giles's head rang as the words of Quentin Travers."You have a father's love for got the child...You're fired...You are no longer her Watcher...I have reccommended to the Council that you be removed of your duties as Watcher...You're fired..."

"We're here,"Buffy said suddenly. Giles blinked as he suddenly saw the Summers house in sight. He quickly pulled into the driveway. As soon as he did, the porch lights came on. Buffy looked at him."You don't have to walk me in."

Hurt, Giles nodded silently."Buffy, I-"

"Night, Giles,"Buffy said quickly as she got out of the car.

Giles also quickly got out of the car."Buffy, I - I'll - I guess I'll see you-"

"Buffy? Mr.Giles?"a voice called out from the porch. Both turned  to see Joyce Summers come towards them. They stared as she rushed forward to greet them. The front of Joyce's long grey sweat shirt was covered with flour and splatters of colors."Thank God, the two of you are here and are all right."

Buffy stared at her mother, and suddenly burst into tears as she flung herself into her mother's arms.

Joyce caught her daughter easily, and held her tightly to her chest. Her jaw hardened as she looked at Giles."What happened?"

Chilled by the coldness in Joyce's brown eyes, Giles looked straight at Buffy's mother, and told her the truth with no apologies."I nearly  killed her tonight."

Fury caught in Joyce's throat as she stared hard at the man who had sworn to her that he would protect her child with his life if need be. She wanted to shred the man with her own bare hands, she wanted to take one of her daughter's stakes and stab at him again and again until he was just a bloody mess. But first things had to be done first, she had a daughter to take care of."Get in the house. I'll give Buffy a bath, then to bed."

Startled, Giles stared at the infuriated woman. There was no mistaking the fury in her brown eyes, in her voice."Joyce-"

Gritting her teeth, Joyce turned to glare at him. "Don't you dare piss me off. I'm close to the edge right now. And don't make me hurt you. Or come after you. Get in the house. I want an explanation, and I want one tonight."

Giles looked at Buffy's mother's retreating back as she awkwardly walked with her sobbing daughter towards the house. After a moment's deliberation, he slowly followed her into the house on Rebello Drive.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy's sobs subsided slightly by the time Joyce entered the house with her. Summoning a maternal smile that never wavered, even when her heart ached at the cuts on her daughter's pretty face and the shattered looked in her hazel eyes, Joyce pointed up the stairs."When I heard Mr.Giles's car coming down the road, I started running water for your bath, honey. The tub should be filled with bubbles from my stash by now. Get in the tub, I'll make you some cocoa and whipped cream."

A small brave smile played on her lips as Buffy's eyes brightened slightly as she hiccuped."Your bubble stash? The scented stuff Nana Bethie sent?"

Joyce kissed her baby's forehead gently."My bubble stash. The scented stuff that Nana Bethie sent. Go. I'll be up in a second."

Her eyes tearing slightly, Joyce watched as her daughter slowly made her way up the stairs. When she was completely gone, Joyce quickly turned to glare at the man who admitted that nearly killed her daughter, ready to either beat him or choke him... except when she turned to look at him, his eyes had the same shattered look that Buffy did.  When he saw her staring at him, Jocye saw him quickly hide the shattered look under a controled air of resignation. Her fury died suddenly and she wasn’t sure of what she should do. After a minute, she simply held out her hand to him."Come on to the kitchen with me."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Giles looked blankly at the small hand that was held out to him then he lifted his head to stare at the owner of that hand. He couldn't understand. He didn't understand. When he was outside, he saw the fury and hate in her brown eyes. And just a second ago, he saw it again and braced himself to with stand her attack, whether it be a physical or verbal one. Then in an instant, he saw the fury die."Joyce...I-"

Impatient, Joyce took his arm and tugged on it."Come into the kitchen with me."

Wondering if she was going to beat him up in the kitchen, Giles allowed her to lead him into it. Joyce let him go as soon as they through the portal. Readying himself for a beating, Giles took a deep breath so to say a few last words."Joyce, I-"


Making a beeline towards one of her cupboards, Joyce ignored him as she started talking."I was baking while I was waiting for you and Buffy to show up. I made some banana bread and some raisin bread. Biscuits. Cookies. Pastries. Then I started to beat that flour over there-"

Silently, Giles looked at the kitchen island that was filled with flour and dough as Joyce continued to talk, not once looking back at him as she moved around the kitchen busily. She warmed up some milk, measured out some chocolate, then she took out some heavy cream from the fridge, added a small spoon of sugar to it, then started whipping it madly with her whisk. "When I heard you coming down the road, I stopped to run Buffy's bath. The dough still needs to be kneaded and pounded on."

Inanely, Giles looked at the huge mound of bread dough."I see. I had better-"

Joyce stopped to look at him."Start pounding on that dough. It needs to be pounded on and I can't do that while I'm upstairs taking care of my daughter."

Giles stared at her as Joyce quietly poured the warm milk into two mugs of cocoa, then added the generous dollops of whipped cream."Joyce, I can't-"

"If you walk out that door and leave before I get an explanation from you, you'll regret it,"Joyce said flatly as she placed a mug in front of him. She looked at him."Now drink your cocoa and start pounding that dough."

Giles stared at Joyce's retreating back, then at the huge mound of dough. He slowly took off his jacket and started to roll up his sleeves.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Joyce entered the bathroom after a quick knock."Hi, honey. How's the water?"

Looking up from the bubbles, Buffy smiled tremulously at her mother."Nice and warm when I got in. And smells good, too. Nana always sends good stuff."

"That she does,"Joyce agreed as she moved a small rug with her foot, then sat on it. Her smile wobbled slightly as she looked at the huge gash on her daughter's forehead."Here. I brought you some cocoa."

"Thanks, Mom,"Buffy said but she made no move to get it. Joyce then placed it on the bathroom counter and waited. Buffy looked at her mother."I wish Nana would send more of this stuff. It always seems to go fast. And you always get the better scents. Lilac and those flower smells."

"That's because you always use it, honey,"Joyce said lightly as she stroked her daughter's hair away from her face. Silently, she took in the bruises on Buffy's face. And she was sure that she saw a few on her arms."So it goes fast. And Nana sends the same scents to both of us. You just like to hog all the vanilla and strawberry scents and I just get the rest."

Silence reigned in the bathroom again, until Joyce sighed then chuckled. Buffy looked at her mother sharply."What?"

Smiling sadly, Joyce leaned closer to the edge of the tub as she stroked her daughter's forehead again."I was just remembering what it was like to give you a bath. You always tried to get me to make bubbles for you. Then you'd flop around in the tub, splashing water all over the bathroom. Getting everything soaked. Pretending you were a mermaid."

Joyce chuckled again as her eyes clouded again, this time with tears and memories."I remember when-when I was getting you ready for your second or third birthday...I was giving you a bubble bath...you ran out of the bathroom to greet Dante and Annie, and you wearing only the bubbles on your hair and face. demanding your birthday present."

Leaning on her mother's arm, Buffy gave a small laugh as she shook her head."I don't remember it, but every time I see Uncle Dante, he won't let me forget. I really miss him and Aunt Annie."

"They called earlier tonight,"Joyce said as she said with a small smile, pleased that she was able to make her daughter laugh, even it was a small one."They'll call again in the morning but they wanted for you to know that they sent something that should be arriving tomorrow night, the latest. Nana Bethie also said that something was coming in the post. She also said that you'll really like what they sent over."

Buffy gave her a small smile."Cool. Presents."

"Very cool,"Joyce agreed. After a few more seconds of silence, she stood to rummage through the bathroom cabinets. When she found what she was looking for, she sat back down again to face her daughter."Come here, honey. Let me clean out that gash."

Buffy looked her mother warily."Mom-"

Joyce lifted a finger, smiling sadly as she pressed it against Buffy's lips gently."Shh. Let Mommy do what she can to make the hurt go away. You don't have to tell me everything or anything, just let me take care of you, baby."

Buffy's eyes filled with tears as her face crumpled."Mommy, it hurts. It hurts so much. And I don't know what to do. He poisoned me because they told him to, and now they got rid of him and it hurts. It hurts so much. Make it go away."

Joyce pulled her crying daughter close, saying nothing as tears filled her eyes, praying desperately that all her baby's hurts would go away.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Silently, Joyce stood at the kitchen's entrance as she watched the man that poisoned her daughter. Flour covered his arms and torso as he pounded on the hapless bread dough. Sweat matted his hair down, making it a dark brown. She absently noted that he had the makings of a shiner. A small souvenir of what had happened earlier tonight with that insane vampire.

And, on his face...on his face was a black mask that alternated between pain, hate and fury.  And that scared her. Surprisingly, it wasn't his fury that scared her. Nor was it his hate. Joyce knew what his fury was like, she saw it over the summer, fury on his face, in his eyes, when he talked about what vampires did. That didn't scare her, though it should have.

And she saw the pure hatred in his hazel eyes when he pointed the gun at that man who made the candy. That definitely didn't scare her, though it should have. No, it wasn't his fury or hate that scared her. It was looking at him and knowing that there was pain in his eyes that scared her.

Giles pounded on the dough as the events and words played in his mind over and over again. "You have a father's love for the child...you are fired...you will be dealt with...you failed..."

Joyce knew something about pain. It had played a major part of her life even before she knew about her daughter's calling. She first experienced it when her parents died. And when her beloved family decided to move her to America to live with her distant cousins for her safety. It played a part of her life when she was prodded into marrying Hank by her cousins. Then when she decided to divorce him. It even played a huge part when she decided to disown her mother's family in Scotland for what they did.

"You have gone against the direct wishes of the Council." Giles pounded on the dough harder."I don't give a rat's ass of what the Council wants..."

Oh, yes. Joyce knew about pain. It stayed with you. And it opened your eyes while blinding you at the same time. Pain had blinded Joyce for a long time. It made her aware to what was happening with her daughter, and it made her look the other way because she didn't want to face what she was doing wrong.

That's when she learned a brand new lesson about pain. If you let it keep blinding you, if you let it keep hurting you...you lose everything that matters. She nearly lost her daughter because of it. Yes, she knew about pain. But what scared her the most, was that she wanted to stop his.

Giles squeezed the dough between his fingers."You have the power to stop this...You failed...The test will go on as planned...You will be dealt with...You are no longer her Watcher..."

Silently, Joyce studied the man before her. If she was true to herself, she would have to admit that it wasn't that he was in pain scared her. She was scared because she didn't know how to ease his suffering, and she wanted to. She wanted to stop his pain, and that scared her to the core. She wasn't sure that she was ready to let him into her heart.  She wasn’t sure if she wanted another person to love. So she watched as he pound on the bread dough and debated with herself.

Blindingly, Giles slapped at the dough. He lifted his face as it contorted into a mask of anguish and fury as Traver’s words rang in his ears."You have a father's affection for the child...we are fighting a war...you're fired....you failed..."

A hand touched his arm as Giles started to pound on the dough again."I don't think that's helping."

Startled, Giles looked up at Joyce blankly. Not knowing what to say, he stared at her."Is it supposed to?"

Joyce shrugged."Well, most of the time it helps me. Very therapeutic to be pounding on dough, Mr.Giles."

"I see,"Giles said as he stupidly studied the dough."I suppose it does help somewhat."

"Yes, it really does help somewhat,"Joyce said with a ghost of a smile. She took a deep breath, then took his hand and led him towards the basement."Now, I'll show you what helps when pounding on dough isn't enough."

Joyce let go of his hand as they entered the basement. From the steps, Giles watched as she took out the sliding doors of a small but deep closet that was empty except for several cardboard boxes on the top shelf and a small broom with a dust pan. She took out everything out and motioned for him to stand next to her as she set the boxes down on an ironing board."Not even Buffy knows that I do this. And I’d rather have her not know what I do when pounding on dough isn’t enough. Come here, Mr.Giles."

“Doesn’t know about what?”Giles asked as he looked at her.

Joyce reached into a cardboard box and pulled out two cracked cups, then handed him one. She smiled faintly as she pointed to all the windows."As you can see, all the windows are tightly shut. The curtains are drawn. There are six boxes of china here so that you can do this all you want. All I ask is that you clean up after you're done, try to aim it all into the closet and to replenish my supply after you're done."

Puzzled, Giles looked at her."After I'm done with what?"

Joyce smiled faintly at him, then suddenly hurled with all her strength the cup into the closet. The cup shattered as it hit the center of wall of the closet. She gave it a satisfied nod before she looked at him."That. Throw as many as you like. It's...it's  very therapeutic. Just aim into the closet, clean up the mess and replenish the stock when you're done."

Joyce turned towards the stairs when she saw Giles heft the cup from one hand to the other. By the time she reached the top of the stairs and shut the basement door, she heard the shattering of at least four different pieces.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Joyce knocked on Buffy's bedroom door, and entered when she heard her daughter's voice. When she opened the door, she saw her daughter sitting in front of her vanity table, slowly brushing her wet hair. Joyce picked up Buffy’s Mr.Gordo from a clothes filled chair before walked over towards her."Hi, honey. Ready for bed?"

Buffy nodded silently as she looked at her bed."I guess so."

"Then come on,"Joyce said as she took her daughter's hand and pulled her towards the door.

Puzzled, Buffy followed her mother."Where are we going? Why are we going into your room?"

"Because you're going to indulge your mother,"Joyce said as she pulled down the blankets."I pulled out my down blanket for you. Now get in the bed so that I can tuck you in, honey."

Buffy weakly protested."I can't sleep in your bed, Mom."

"Yes, you can,"Joyce said blithely as she fluffed up her pillow. "Now get in the bed."

Buffy shook her head as she looked down at her feet."No, I can't. I'm the Slayer. I can handle this myself. I'm not supposed to be afraid of the dark."

Gripping the ever durable Mr. Gordo, Joyce smiled faintly at her daughter as she sat on the edge of her bed. "Honey, I hate to tell you this, but I'd be more scared if you handling this alone and weren't afraid of the dark."

Startled, Buffy looked at her mother. Joyce gave her a miserable smile as she continued."I hate what you were chosen to do, I hate the fact that you have to die in order to get out of your calling. Most days I don't have any problems with your calling. It's now the nights that I mainly have problems with it."

Joyce stopped for a second, then she looked at Buffy and smiled faintly as tears filled her eyes. "In the past six months, I found that I happen to be a very selfish mother. I don't want you to die. I want it to be someone else's kid that gets stuck with fighting all the demons and vampires and whatever evil lurks out there in the streets of Sunnydale. I want it to be someone else's kid to be the superhero. I want my baby to graduate college, get married, be happy, have 2.5 kids that I can spoil, live to a full life and die in her sleep of old age."

Tears filled Buffy's eyes as she sat next to her on the edge of the bed."Mom-"

Joyce put her hand gently on Buffy's mouth."But like you said, that isn't going to happen soon. That's my problem. So I'll learn to deal with it. As best I can. When I can. But I can tell you the problem that I've already dealt with. It's knowing that you aren't alone and that you're afraid of the dark."

"It doesn't make any sense, I know,"Joyce smiled sadly as she pushed a curl away from her daughter's face, careful to not touch the gash she cleaned."Mother's logic. As long as I know that you aren't fighting alone, I can deal with your calling. As long as I know that you're afraid of the dark, I know that you'll do your best to come home. Like tonight."

Joyce pulled her little girl into her arms as Buffy's shoulders shook and she started to cry again."Mom, I was so scared. When I found that picture-I thought that you were dead or turned. And I was powerless...helpless because of that poison that Giles gave me-I hate him."

"And I hate him for doing that to you, poisoning you,"Joyce said as held her daughter."But, at the same time, I have to thank him for saving you."

Buffy lifted her head and stared at her mother, angry."How can you say that? How can you take his side after what he did?"

"I can say that because all of it's true,"Joyce said as she wiped her daughter's tears."And I'm not taking his side. I'm on yours. The man had no right to drug you. A part of me wants to bash his head in over and over again with my rolling pin until he's at my feet, his bones bashed in and bleeding."

"And the other part?"Buffy asked meekly.

Joyce took a deep breathe and shook her head."The other part- the other part of me is thankful that he trained you well enough to kill that vampire. Well enough that you didn't need your powers to stake him."

"It was pure luck that I had that bottle of holy water in my pocket,"Buffy snorted as she took the pig from her mother's hands."It wasn't his training. And it was his training that poisoned me, took my powers and changed me. That made me into a nothing. His training that took away all who I was, am."

"Bull hockey,"spat out Joyce. She cupped Buffy's startled face. "Honey, I hate to tell you this, but who you are is Elizabeth Anne Summers. Buffy Summers. My daughter, the Chosen Vampire Slayer. And that's only beginning to describe who you are. Being a Vampire Slayer is only a part of you. That's your calling, but it's not be all and end all of who you are. Your superhero powers is not all that makes you a Vampire Slayer. You saved me by using your brains, not your strength. It would have made it easier if you had your strength, but you didn't."

"No thanks to Giles and that asshole Quentin Travers from the Watcher's Council," Buffy spat bitterly as she hugged Mr.Gordo to her chest.

"No thanks to either of them, you were drugged and you lost your powers,"Joyce agreed as she rose from the bed and started to put her daughter in the bed."Get in. Feet up. But thanks to one of them, you used the training that he gave you and you killed that insane vampire."

Joyce arranged the blanket around Buffy before she sat down on the bed again."Mr.Giles used drugs to take away your super powers. He made you into a normal girl and was ordered to set you up against a crazed vampire. But he also trained you to not just rely on your strength. He trained you to use your mind. And that's what you did. It wasn't Buffy Summers the Chosen Vampire Slayer that defeated a crazed vampire, it was Buffy Summers the Girl who Happens to be the Chosen Vampire Slayer that killed a crazed vampire."

Buffy remained silent as she absorbed this. Joyce then took a deep breath and added softly,"And no matter how you paint it, Mr.Giles is a good man, brainwashed by that council of his into giving you that test. The mother in me says that he deserves to suffer for everything that he put you through. Just like he's suffering right now. The other part pities him and says to forgive him."

Buffy sat up and scowled at her mother."Why? Give me one good reason why I should forgive him. After what he and the council flunky did."

"I don't have a good reason, Buffy,"Joyce said simply."You probably know more about Mr.Giles than me. You also probably know more about that council than me. All I know is that the man who poisoned you is in pain for what he did. And that he deeply cares about you. And that somehow, that Council changed a wild and young street hood named Ripper into a responsible, caring and cautious Watcher named Rupert Giles. So reason says that Council must have used some really heavy juice to make him to this to you. Or his brain was transplanted by aliens and he's really an Elvis impersonator in disguise."

“He didn’t have a brain transplant,”Buffy mumbled as she clutched Mr.Gordo.”I’d have an easier time dealing with that. And with him being an Elvis impersonator.”

Joyce smiled faintly.”So that just leaves the really heavy juice this Council used to make him do this. Which all means that for some reason he had to do this stupid test.”

Buffy remained silent. Joyce nodded."I thought that there was something. But that's his and your secret to keep. I'll tell you what's not a secret, he's furious at himself for what he allowed to happen. It doesn't excuse what he did, but it does give you a reason to listen to his side of the story. As for that Travers man, you can kick his butt for all I care. Or you can, let me kick his ass all the way across town."

Buffy giggled slightly at that."I think he left town. I told him to leave before I got my powers back."

"That's my little girl,"Joyce commented with a smile."If you want, I can sic Nana Bethie after him since he's from England. As for your Uncle Dante and Aunt Annie, well, we won't tell them unless we have to. They could be worse than your Nana if they put their collective minds to it."

"Yeah, Uncle Dante and Aunt Annie would probably do something so nasty to him that I wouldn't even think of. And Nana..."Buffy smiled as she slid down the bed and snuggled against her mother's blankets and pillows."What do you think Nana could do to him?"

Joyce gave her a wry smile."You know your Nana Bethie as well as I do. What could the Dowager Countess of Atherton, matriarch of one of England's noblest and richest families could do to a measly little no name twerp?"

"A whole lot of misery,"Buffy giggled. She took a deep breath and smelled her mother's lingering perfume on the pillow. She felt safe and drowsy."I'll think about it, Mom. About Nana Bethie... And everything else you said."

Kissing her daughter on the forehead, Joyce rose from the bed and stuffed Mr.Gordo under her daughter's arms."Anything else?"

"Can you stay with me until I sleep, Mom?"Buffy asked as she yawned against Mr.Gordo's ears."And can you sing to me?"

Her eyes tearing slightly and her head filling with memories, Joyce gingerly settled down on the bed, and Buffy curled against her side and grabbed her mother's hand."What do you want Mommy to sing off-key?"

Smiling in the dark as her eyes fluttered closed, memories filled Buffy's head as she remembered her answer."Anything to keep the oogies away."

Smiling at her baby word in the dark, Joyce thought for a second and started to softly sing. "Jeremiah was a bullfrog...Was a good friend of mine. I never understood a word he said, But I helped him a drink his wine. And he always had some a-mighty fine wine. Singin': Joy~ to the World! All~ the boys and girls! Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea! Joy to you and me! If I were the queen of the world-"

"Mom! That's not a sleep song,"Buffy giggled sleepily.

Joyce chuckled in the dark."Oh, you want a sleep song. Okay, then. Lemme think for a minute."

"You'd think after all the musicals you've seen, you'd know a few songs,"Buffy teased sleepily.

"Most are love songs, and I don't think you want to hear me sing those,"Joyce chuckled as she smiled in the dark. "How about this one: I see trees of green, red roses too. I see them bloom, for me and you. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world."

"I see skies of blue and clouds of white. The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world,"Joyce sang softly as she let go of Buffy's limp hand and slowly rose from the bed.

"The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky...Are also on the faces of the people going by. I see friends shaking hands, saying 'How do you do?' They're really saying, 'I love you.'"

"I hear babies crying, I watch them grow. They'll learn much more than I'll ever know. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world. Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world,"Joyce finished in a whisper as she kissed Buffy on the forehead and made her way to the door.

"Night, Mommy,"Buffy mumbled as she snuggled closer to Mr.Gordo.

Joyce smiled."Night, baby."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Giles stared at the empty boxes, then looked up at the stairway to the basement to see Joyce coming down, hesitant about coming towards him. But then she stopped, then sat on the bottom three steps. He struggled to find something to say."You were right. Throwing them was quite...therapeutic."

Looking at the closet and noting that it was clean, Joyce merely nodded. He still looked as if were in pain, but the sharp edge of it was dulled."Told you it was...So how many boxes did you use?"

"I used all six boxes,"Giles confessed as he looked at the empty boxes, then back at her."I would have broken more if there were any more."

Joyce nodded. Giles looked at the empty boxes again."I will replace them."

"Just go to garage sales and get the cheap breakable stuff,"Joyce said with a nod."I prefer ones that are extremely ugly and will make a satisfying crash when I throw it."

"Yes, I had noticed that some of the pieces in the boxes were singularly ugly,"Giles nodded as he moved towards her."May I ask you a question?"

Joyce thought about it, then she shrugged."You may."

"When are you going to come after me with an axe?"Giles asked seriously as he looked at her.

Tilting her head, Joyce looked at him."That depends."

"On what?"Giles demanded, suddenly furious."I nearly got your daughter killed. I poisoned her. I was setting her up to fight a vampire alone. Defenseless. Powerless. Helpless. Why aren't you going to come after me with an axe?"

"Because I still don't know why you did it,"Joyce said simply. "And I think that my beating you into a bloody pulp with an axe is something that you would enjoy too much right now."

"Oh,"Giles said, deflated. When Joyce patted to the step below her, he quietly sat.

"So tell me why you poisoned my daughter and was about to send her to fight an insane vampire when she was helpless,"Joyce said conversationally as her eyes flashed."And start at the beginning please. I want to know everything. And if you leave out any parts or say that it's a Watcher-Slayer thing, I will seriously hurt you."

Giles nodded tiredly."It is, but it doesn't matter anymore. If you want to know the whole of it, it started over twelve hundred years ago. When for the first time, there was a Slayer that reached the age of eighteen. She was given the test called the Cruciamentum de Tento. Her name was-"

"Hold it,"ordered Joyce as she slapped her hand over his mouth. She looked at him sternly."Fast forward to the present and tell me how this relates to Buffy. If I need a background story, I'll ask. I want to know what the test was and how it relates to you, Buffy and that ass from the Watcher's Council. Is that clear?"

Giles nodded slowly and Joyce dropped her hand. Giles started again,"I was informed over three weeks ago that preparations were being made for Buffy to take the Cruciamentum for her eighteenth birthday and that I was supposed to administer the test..."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Giles was silent for a moment as he looked at Buffy's mother, then he looked away."I tried to stop the test. I poured over the texts, Watchers’ Diaries to prevent the test from happening. I went over to the house to try to talk to Quinten again. Instead I found that Kralick had escaped, and that he had turned one of Quinten's men, and had...fed and mutilated the other. By that time, the vampires went after Buffy...it was pure luck that I happened to be on my way to Angel's, needing his help to locate Buffy. And it was also pure luck that I managed to rescue her before Kralick got to her, and all he got was her coat. While we were at the library, I told her what I did to her. How I...poisoned her..."

Joyce closed her eyes as she remembered how Kralick had gotten to her to leave the sanctuary of her house. She buried her face in her hands."Oh, God. That damn coat."

Giles looked at her quizzically, and Joyce lifted her head and explained slowly."I was at home...working on some bills. And I heard a thud on the porch. I was still inside the house when-when I saw Buffy's coat and a body on the far end of the porch. I thought-I thought it was Buffy...It wasn't. It was Kralick."

Giles tentatively held her hand as Joyce went cold all over again, and she shivered."He and his new vampire took Polaroids of me and...He posted one on the doorway for Buffy to see..."

"That sounds like his modus operandi when he was human,"Giles said slowly with a nod."He liked to take pictures of women... before he...before he killed them."

Closing her eyes to the memories, but still seeing them, Joyce gripped Giles's hand harder."He took more pictures of me. All the while telling me of what he was planning to do with me...with Buffy. He said he had a problem with mothers. He told me that-that he was going to make Buffy just like him. And all the while, he was saying that now that she was powerless, helpless to stop him...That she was going to be tested. I didn't understand what he was saying. I was so scared for Buffy. I didn't want her to come, but I knew she would. And I couldn't stop her coming..."

When Joyce started to cry, Giles pulled her on to his lap, and she buried her face at the crook of his neck. Tears formed in his eyes as he held her close to him, and he buried his face into her sweet-smelling hair."Oh, Joyce, sweet...I'm so sorry that you had to go through this...I'm so sorry..."

They stayed like that, until the tears subsided and Joyce lifted her head from his shoulder. Wiping her tears away, her face was a mask of determination."Tell me what happened after you told Buffy what you did to her."

"I tried to reach Quentin. To tell him that his controlled test was not going to happen. That I had told Buffy everything, and that I didn't give a rat's ass about his test,"Giles spat out. Then he closed his eyes."And then...then Quentin walked into the library. I told him that the test was canceled as far as I was concerned. Buffy knew about the test, and Kralick had escaped. Then, as calmly as you please, he poured himself a cup of tea, and he scolded me like a naughty child. Then he said that Buffy had entered the building. He didn't know why, but he knew that she just did. And the test...the test was going to proceed as somewhat planned. Quentin then tried to stop me from going to help Buffy..."

Giles opened his eyes and looked at Joyce as he whispered hoarsely."And you know the rest...Buffy defeated Kralick. And I finished off the other vampire..."

"And then the two of you went off to the library after you dropped me off at home,"Joyce said softly. Giles nodded, then looked away from her, Joyce lifted a hand, and forced him to look at her."When you both came back, I saw the looks on your faces. Something happened in the library. Tell me what."

Giles shook his head."It doesn't matter. It's not-ow!"

Startled, Giles stared at Joyce, who steadied herself on his lap, as she glared back at him."I'll yank on your other ear if you tell that it's not any of my business. This is my daughter we're talking about, so tell me what happened."

"What I was about to say was that it's not any of my business either,"Giles scowled at her as he rubbed his ear."Not anymore."

"Wrong answer."Joyce glared at him silently as he shut his mouth."Why?"

"Why what? Ow!"

"Why isn't it any of you business anymore?"

"Because! Ow! Joyce!"

"That's not an answer. Why isn't it any of your business anymore?"

"Because I was fired!"Giles roared at her. Then it all hit him again, and the rage, the betrayal, the pain all came pouring out again."Oh, God. It doesn't matter anymore. Because I was fired. For betraying the Watcher's Council to protect my Slayer, I was fired. For doing my duty to protect my Slayer, I was fired. For becoming attached to my Slayer, I was fired. For loving her like a father...I was fired."

Joyce quietly wrapped her arms around his neck, and pulled him closer to her. Giles stiffened slightly, then laid his head on her shoulder and hugged her tightly to him as his shoulders started to shake. She laid her head on top of his, her eyes wet with tears.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"So what are you going to do now?"Joyce quietly asked Giles as she played with the curls behind his ear. The storm in him passed, and he had yet to let her off his lap. And she had yet to push his head off her shoulders. She knew she should say something, but to be perfectly honest, she was comfortable where she was. And to tell the truth, she sort of liked the fact that he needed to comfort him. Usually, she was the one that had to be comforted.

Lifting his head off her shoulder, he leaned his head on her forehead and sighed. Giles closed his eyes."I don't know what I should do..."

Joyce lifted her forehead away from his."Are-are you going to leave Buffy?"

"No."

That simple word eased her heart. Joyce smiled briefly, then looked at him seriously."That's good to hear. Do you want something to eat?"

Giles blinked at her."Excuse me, did I- did I just miss something in our conversation?"

Joyce thought about it, then shook her head slowly."Not that I know of. You told me you were fired from the Watcher's Council. I asked you what you were going to do, you said you weren't sure. Then I asked if you were-"

"Yes, yes. I was present while we were discussing that,"Giles said, a bit confused."I was just wondering how you jumped from wanting to know what I was going to do to-to asking me if I was hungry."

Biting her inner cheek, Joyce nodded."Oh, I do apologize, that was a sudden jump in your mind, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was,"Giles agreed, he had the oddest feeling that she was laughing at him"So could you-"

"Well, you answered the most important question in my mind, so I asked the second most important one. I'll ask others as soon as I get something to eat,"Joyce said simply as she made a move, indicating that she wanted to get out of his lap. He let her go and she offered her hand to him. He took it, and rose from the step."Especially since I'm hungry. Shall we?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Giles watched as Joyce filled the kettle with some water and set it on the stove."So...how...how is Buffy?"

"Hurt. Angry. Confused. Betrayed,"Joyce said as she hugged herself."I can't say that I blame her. I'm feeling a bit like that myself."

Giles looked down at his hands."I know-I know that I betrayed you and Buffy-"

"Yes, you did,"Joyce said as she turned to look at him."I don't suppose that you would tell me why you let yourself do this to her."

"I thought I told you why I performed the test,"Giles said, surprised."It was because it is a barbaric tradition that a Slayer must go through on-"

Joyce interrupted him with a shake of her head."No. You told me why you were supposed to give the test to Buffy. You told me what happened when you defied council orders. You told me the reason they fired you. You even told me how you felt. But you never told me why you did the test, even when you knew it was wrong."

Giles avoided looking at her. Joyce gave him an angry look."When Buffy ran away, and we were looking for her. I asked you if you could guarantee her protection. You said that you couldn't. You couldn't promise Buffy's protection. But you said that you could promise me two things. That you would lay your life down for hers if you had to. And that you would never lie to me."

Joyce touched his arm, her brown eyes pleading with him."I'm asking you for the truth now. Why did you poison Buffy when you knew it was wrong?"

Giles remained silent. Joyce looked at him, a horrible feeling growing in her gut. Her hand dropped from his arm.”Did you do it to hurt her? Because of Angel?”

Stunned, Giles stared at her.“What?”

Bracing herself for a blow, Joyce asked again.”Did you poison Buffy because she lied to you about Angel’s return? Did you hurt her to get back at Angel for torturing you?”

“NO!”Giles shouted, his chest heaving with indignation.”How could you think that? That I would hurt her to-to avenge myself upon Angel?”

“I don’t know what to think! What am I supposed to think when you won’t tell me why you poisoned my daughter?”Joyce shouted back.”All I know is what you told me over the summer about what he did to you. All I know is that I heard the hate and saw the scars of what he did to you. All I know-“

Joyce’s voice cracked as her eyes locked ontop his. ”All I know-was that I was here on Christmas when you told me about how betrayed you felt by Buffy when she kept Angel’s return a secret from you. And I don’t know what to think when my daughter is poisoned  by the man responsible for keeping her alive. You tell me what I should think.”

“I-I did not willingly agree to do the test to punish Buffy for keeping Angel’s return a secret. I can assure you of that,”Giles said in a controlled voice.” I can swear to you on that.”

After a long moment, Joyce nodded.”Then why did you poison my daughter?”

When Giles turned away from her, Joyce reached to swing him around, but stopped herself. Unsure of what to do, she turned away from him. She stopped when she heard him whisper."I did it because I let Quentin talk me into it.”

“I did it because I was proud of what Buffy had accomplished. I did it-I did it because through Buffy, I wanted to finally prove something. To the Council. To my father. To the myself."

Slowly, Joyce turned to look at him. He faced away from her, his back ramrod straight."I-when I was younger, you saw me, Joyce. I didn't want to become a Watcher, despite what fate and family tradition was drilled into my head when I was younger. So I deliberately set out to destroy my chances to be accepted into the Watcher's Organization. I became a rebel that flirted with the law...a wild and callous youth. Definitely not Watcher material, by many standards. Then...then while I was-was rebelling...Something-something happened...I can't-I still-"

"Fast forward to the present. Despite your efforts to get out of family tradition, and what I am assuming, opposition because of your youthful indiscretions, you became Buffy's Watcher,"Joyce supplied as she hugged herself."And you wanted to use Buffy to prove what?"

Giles looked at her, then nodded slowly."Fast forward to the present. I wanted to prove that it wasn't a mistake. That it was more than just luck or fate that she survived these past three years. That it was more than just chance that she survived living so long on the Helmouth. That it was more than fate that chose me to be her Watcher."

"You wanted to prove that it was your training that was helping her survive,"Joyce realized slowly, horror casuing her throat to cave in."You wanted to know for sure if it was your training that was helping her survive-"

"NO! It wasn't that!"Giles shouted at her. At her stubborn look, he tried to explain."I wanted to know for sure that I wasn't the mistake everyone thought I was. Including my own father."

Open-mouthed, Joyce stared at him."What?"

"You know, you and Buffy are so lucky to have each other,"Giles said abruptly. He gave a sharp laugh."My father and I-we got along with each other as long as someone else was there to be the referee. Most of the time, it was either my grandmother or mother. Sometimes it was my younger brother or sister. When I was younger, my grandmother’s friend...she’s a seer of sorts...she said that I was destined to become the Watcher of a very great Slayer. And from that moment on..it seemed that my fate was sealed. I was ordered to become a Watcher by my father...”

Giles closed his eyes.“Our relationship changed after that. Father pushed me to become a Watcher because destiny and tradition demanded it. Mother...My mother encouraged me to become a Watcher, not because of tradition. But because it was an important thing to be.  I could tolerate my father’s expectations as long as Mother was there to soften everything...even the way I acted and dressed.”

“But when-when my mother died, I had a huge row with my father, and I left Oxford. I was nineteen at the time, that's when I became the arrogant street punk Ripper. Not giving a damn about anyone, raising hell and, well, you know. I was-I was-"Giles stopped, unsure of what to say about Ethan and Eyghon.

“Rupert?”Giles looked at her, and Joyce smiled faintly.”Fast forward to fifteen years...”

"Fast forward to the past fifteen years,"Giles dutifully repeated to Joyce with a small smile."I destroyed all traces of Ripper, had re-entered Oxford, and fully threw myself into all my studies and training. Becoming a Watcher was who I wanted to be. Then after my schooling, I was everything that a proper Watcher should be. I was ready to take on the responsibilities of my vocation. Take on my destiny. And as years passed, I was never chosen to be given a Slayer, I-I started doubting my destiny. My vocation. My grandmother’s friend always sent word to me when a future Slayer was born. ‘Not her.’ My father was disappointed, I think, that each year a potential Slayer’s name came up, I was not chosen to watch over her. I was quite content in the British Museum, quite happy with the fact that I was being given a future Slayer to train. Given my unsavory past, I was sure that I was not going to be given a Slayer to train, if ever, no matter what was seen in the future. And then grandmother’s friend sent word...’Your destiny is here. Do everything you can to keep this Slayer alive. Don’t forget to write.’

Giles closed his eyes.“When I got her message, I was in the middle of doing an inventory of Native North American Folklore for the Museum...and thinking that this could not be happening. It should not be happening. I called Gran’s friend, telling her that she was wrong. The position of Watcher for the potential Slayer of that year was already taken. And she said to me,’Don’t be stupid. Hurry up and get your things ready. And don’t forget to take a good stock of tea. Never know what kind of things you might find in that vast uncivilized area. Now go out there and watch the Slayer.’ The next week, word of Merrick's death reached the Council."


Joyce waited patiently for him to continue. Giles closed his eyes and smiled bitterly."When I was called to be Buffy's Watcher, there was a commotion, to say the least. Not many could believe that I, out of all of the many eligible Watchers, was picked to be THE Watcher for THE Slayer. I could hardly beleive it myself when I was told. My father-my father could not beleive it at all. He was stunned, to say the least. The Council members made sure that I was chosen correctly. Three times they test. And three times, my name appeared."

"After the second time, my father was fully convinced. And he supported my calling to the Council. But-but I think that my father was never truly convinced that Fate had chosen me correctly,"Giles said softly. He shook his head."Truth be told, I was never fully convinced that the Fates were correct in choosing me, Rupert Theodore Giles, to be the Watcher of The Slayer. Travers used my-my pride at all the things that Buffy had accomplished against me. Told me that if Buffy was as brave and resourceful as I said she was, she would have no trouble in defeating Kralik alone and without her powers. And-and if I had trained her well enough, she would survive this-this rite of passage."

His shoulders slumping, Giles leaned heavily against the kitchen island."And now...after so many years. I'm nobody again. I am no longer the Watcher. And I have no idea who I am. I have no destiny to fulfill. Who am I? What am I? What is my destiny now?"

"If you must know, I know who you are, and I know your destiny,"Joyce said slowly as she made him look at her."You are Rupert Theodore Giles: Watcher, friend and idiot extraordinaire. And as for your destiny...you’re shaping it."

Giles stared at her, shocked."Pardon me?"

“You heard me,”Joyce said calmly.” You are Rupert Theodore Giles: Watcher, friend and idiot extraordinaire. Want me to say that again?”

Giles stared at her.”I don’t beleive that you understood what I was saying-”

“Oh, I understood perfectly what you were saying. You’re having an identity crisis and feeling overwhelmingly bad for yourself because you acted like a huge idiot,”Joyce said. She then grabbed his tie and tugged his face down to be even with hers."Let me clear this all up for you. First off, you are Rupert Giles. A Watcher. To be precise, Buffy’s Watcher. No matter what your stupid Council says, that’s what you are. A Watcher. Being a Watcher is a part of you. Just like being Ripper was a part of you. But you are today is Rupert Giles. Got that?”

Giles nodded. Joyce then yanked on his tie again.“Good. Second, you’re an idiot. Just because they removed your offical post as Buffy’s Watcher, that doesn’t mean that you’re nothing. It merely means that you’re an unemployed Watcher in the Council’s eyes. You’re an extraordinary idiot for thing that just because they took your offical position away from you, it changes everything about you.

“And third, destiny, fate or luck or God may have chosen you to be Buffy’s Watcher, but it was you that did something with it. You shaped your own destiny when you agreed to train Buffy. To help her survive. Not the Council. And as far as I’m concerned, those poncers in England tried to kill her.”

Touched and mostly confused by her reasoning, Giles looked at her.”Joyce-”

Joyce yanked on his tie, causing him to choke a bit.”Now repeat after me. ‘I am Rupert Giles. I am Buffy’s Watcher. I am an idiot that shapes his own destiny.’”

“Joyce-urk!”

“Repeat it,”Joyce commanded with another yank.

Choking again, Giles glared at her.” I am Rupert Giles. I am Buffy’s Watcher-urk!”

“Say it with conviction before I choke you,”Joyce threatened with another yank at his tie. Giles glared at her.

“Like you are not doing so now?”Giles grumbled. At the quirk of her eyebrow and the tensing of her arm, he said in a louder voice, “I am Rupert Giles. I am Buffy’s Watcher. I shape my own destiny-but I am not an idiot.”

“You’re getting there,”Joyce murmured as she let go of his tie.”Now all you have to do is beleive it. Even a dog would get it, and I think that you’re smarter than a dog.”

Affronted, Giles glared at her, but then he gave her a small smile.”Sometimes, I think the dog might be smarter.”

“Then my daughter’s in serious trouble,”Joyce said as she rolled her eyes.”If her unoffical Watcher is dumb as a dog.”

After staring at her for a long minute, he shook his head and chuckled slightly.  Joyce handed him a slice of bread as she made her way to the whistling kettle.”Here eat this while I make the both of us some tea.”

He stared at the bread she had in her hand, then Giles looked at her. Joyce looked at him.”What? You don’t like bannana nut bread?”

“No…it’s not that. It’s just that-I think that I can add another promise to you,”he said softly.  Joyce stared at him and Giles’s eyes never left hers as he promised,”Buffy will never be in danger because of me. I will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening. I will try to keep her safe... That I can add to my list of promises to you. And that you may kill me if I fail to protect her.”

Joyce closed her eyes, then when she opened them, there was a bright sheen to them.“Thank you. And be assure that I will kill you if you fail to protect her.”

“I know.” Giles lifted her hands and kissed them.”No, I thank you. You didn’t have to-”

Joyce lifted a finger to stop him.“Yes, I did. Buffy was more hurt about-about your betrayal than the test itself. She angry you right now, but she loves you like she does Hank. So she’ll eventually forgive you like she forgives him. Unlike her mother who is still angry at him and doesn’t forgive easily.”

Giles looked at her. Joyce shifted uncomfortably.”I don’t want to talk about it. I’m still very mad at him.”

Giles waited. Joyce looked at him.”Do you want something to eat? Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you want me to tell you what that pillock did.”

Giles lifted an eyebrow at her.”If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.”

“It’s stupid,”Joyce said. Giles simply crossed his arms. Joyce glared at him.“I don’t want to talk about it.”

At his look, she sighed. ”Fine. He canceled the ice show with Buffy because his quarterly projections were off. More likely, he wants to spend the weekend with his new lawyer girlfriend in New York to drum up some more business.”

“I see,”Giles said slowly.”So that was what she was talking about. An ice show that a Watcher should his Slayer to...”

Joyce smiled tenatively.”She asked you to take her?”

“I suppose. In a round about way,”Giles admitted.”I was engrossed with the administration-”

“The administration of what?”Joyce asked with a touch of curiosity. Giles looked at her, and she let out a breath of air.”Okay. Better not go there any more, Rupert. So she talked about the ice show with you?”

Giles nodded. Joyce looked at him speculatively.”Are you going to take her?”

“I don’t know,”Giles admitted. Joyce sighed, then grabbed his tie and yanked him to her.”Urk!”

Joyce smiled.”Are you going to take her?”

“Yes,”Giles choked. Joyce nodded, then let him go. “See? You’re smarter than a dog.”

Giles glared at her, then chuckled.”Only when a woman has my tie or ear in her grasp.”

“Like I said, you’re smarter than a dog,”Joyce smiled blandly. Giles chuckled.”Thank you.”

“Do you know this Travers’s home address?”Joyce asked abruptly. Giles nodded slowly.”Give it to me.”

“Why?”

“I’m going to get Buffy’s godparents after him,”Joyce said simply. Then she smiled slowly. The look on her face nearly made Giles shudder.”And maybe her great-grandmother. He deserves it. Try and kill my baby for a stupid test. I’ll show him.”

“Are her godparents the couple that came over the summer? The ones that Willow and Xander met?”Giles demanded.”The ones that threatened a law suit against the town of Sunnydale?”

“No one hurts my baby,”Joyce repeated.”Not if I can help it.”

Giles shook his head slowly.”I don’t think that I’ll  give it to you. From what Xander and Willow said about them, that’d be unfair to sent the pair after him.”

Joyce shrugged.”Fine. I’ll find out somehow. Want something to eat now?”

“You know, I think that I am feeling a bit hungry,”Giles admitted as he looked at the kitchen with new eyes.”So are you going to be cooking and baking every night?”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy looked at Giles as she had entered the ancient car. After a long talk without any interruptions from anyone, the two of them were ready to go to the ice show.”What’s this in the back seat?”

Giles looked at the boxes of ugly china and his ears reddened.”Just a few pieces of china in the house. Thought that I’d get rid of them.”

Buffy looked at them, then at him. And smiled impishly.”She let you throw her dishes in the basement closet, Giles?”

Startled, he looked at her. Then smiled back.”She thinks that you didn’t know about that habit.”

“As far as she knows, I don’t,”Buffy said with a small smile. They shared a look.”Are they very ugly? She really likes to throw aerodynamically ugly ones. Very ugly ones.”

“They are all aerodynamic and very, very ugly,”Giles assured her. He hesitated,”Your mother has-has a different perspective on things.”

Buffy smiled.”I know. She sees things differently. And Lord help anyone that tangles with her little girl. Almost feel sorry for Travers now that Mom’s after him.”

Startled, Giles looked at her.”Your mother is going after Travers? How can she? I never gave her his direction!”

“Think that’ll stop Joyce Summers?”Buffy giggled.”Mom’s a steam roller when she goes after something she really wants. Besides, I think she might be enlisting Aunt Annie and Uncle Dante’s help. And they’ll be *really* pissed when Mom tells them her story. He’s just lucky that she promised to not get Nana after him. But then again, I think she had her fingers crossed when she promised me that.”

“What’s she going to tell them?”Giles asked alarmed.”And what can a ninety year old woman do to Travers?”

“Nana can do a whole lot of damage, especially to his knee caps if she wanted to,”Buffy giggled slightly.”And Mom’s going to say that Travers was in the vicinity of Sunnydale Arms where that body was found, and that he had attacked me and Mom in the belief that we were the ones that killed the man. Mom’s  getting pretty good at these covers, isn’t she?”

Giles stared at her. Buffy smiled faintly.”No one messes with Joyce Summer’s little girl. And when she cares, no one messes with my mom.”

“I think I’m begining to see that,”Giles smiled faintly.”Shall we be on our way?”

Buffy shrugged.”Why not? Willow says not to have any carmel corn if you’re planning on meeting Woodstock.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Hello? Lady Atherton, please. Nana?” Joyce waited on the phone, then smiled.”Hello, Nana? It’s Joyceln. I’m not good. How are you? How’s the family? Can either Uncle Adam, Benjamin, Caleb or Daniel do something for me? I want them to find an Englishman called Quentin Travers. He should be re-entering England the next week or so from America....”

~Fin

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