A Miscellaneous Group of Random Drunk Guys eyed us from down the street. They oozed that lewd pervert vibe I’d always associated with professional wrestlers and generally disliked.

“Don’t look at them!” Meri hissed. She gave me a look that bordered on incredulous and shoved me. Not so nice. I would have resented it but I was otherwise occupied with being whiny.

“Why not? It isn’t as though they aren’t being obvious about looking at us. If they start anything we can take them down. Good ol’ fist fight.” I did that little boxer’s skip thing and punched at an imaginary villain. All them imaginary villains be afraid. ‘Fraid of losing to the champ. To the… I pulled a mental brake. I was starting to scare myself.

“Because it would accomplish nothing.” Mio said, bringing me back to the conversation. “It would just be a big waste of time.”

I allowed myself a small teasing grin. “I think you two are just scared.”

Mio paled ever so slightly. “We are not.”

“Chicken.”

Meri scowled.

“Goin’ down to the ol’ hen house to lay some eggs. That’s all you’ll get in life if you’re chicken. Nothing but a bunch of eggs.”

Mio and Meri exchanged looks over my head. I was the short one as I had opted for flats that morning to avoid ankle sprainage. They towered a good three inches above me in their stiletto boots.

“Of course, if you had all those eggs you’d be set for breakfast for the rest of your life. Sunny side up, over easy, scrambled, benedict…” Without even looking, I ducked. Sure enough, I felt the rush of air over my head that indicated Mio had taken a swing. Whoo hoo!! Game on!

Meri lunged at me. I didn’t have enough time to avoid it so we both slammed into the sidewalk. She began pummeling me with her fists. I could have tried to knee her but imagine how silly it would have looked if I missed. Besides that, I would have to employ stomach muscles and those were getting sorer by the second. Instead, I rolled to my left. Meri lost her balance and fell off me.

Mio jumped into action then. She grabbed my arms and hefted me up. I tried to regain my center but she was too fast. She threw another punch before I could blink. Our eyes met. Then suddenly our eyes were nowhere near looking in the same direction. Meri had rammed into my knees causing me to tumble down behind her and land quite painfully on my back. My elbow slammed into the ground. There isn’t anything humorous about a pained funny bone.

Before I could react, someone was doing their best to help me to my feet. What was going on here?? Meri and Mio stopped moving and gaped at me in surprise.

I tried to glance behind me. I wanted to get a look at this person. No doubt it was a good Samaritan who thought he was doing me a favor, but once these silly little battles of ours are initiated there’s no turning back. Reinforcements aren’t allowed. He was making me look bad.

I fought for a moment but the grip around my arm and waist was too strong and eventually I had to stop. Since these were the very spots that pained me most I figured it wasn’t so much an accident that this was where his grasp happened to be.

“Just what are the three of you doing?”

I considered his voice for a moment. I knew it from somewhere. That wasn’t hard to figure out. Figuring out where I knew it from… that was gonna take a little bit. It was kind of like that foreboding fear you get on a perfectly wonderful day. You don’t know why this feeling of impending doom has settled upon you, but you get the feeling you’ll figure out soon. …And it certainly has nothing to do with a three foot porcupine and a hula hoop.

“I said, what-“ and there he dug his nails into my arms a bit “-are you three doing?”

“We’re just messing around.” I explained, in a voice that I was hoping sounded innocent. I’m guessing it probably didn’t leave that impression, however, as I was forced to spit a bit of blood from my mouth. My lip had split and there wasn’t much I could do about it. Since I couldn’t employ my abdominal muscles and get proper leverage though, the spit just sort of dribbled down my chin. Well now, that’s certainly not attractive.

Regardless of how the situation appeared, I knew I had the upper hand. It comes naturally to me. And although this guy had me in a position that wasn’t quite to my advantage, I knew I’d find a way out of it. I wasn’t worried. I gave Meri and Mio the look that meant I wanted them to leave. This is usually reserved for picking up guys at the bar, hence the reason for its existence.

My friends hesitantly backed away. With one last confused look over their shoulders, they took off. I could understand their uncertainty. I mean, it’s not like we’ve never dated shady characters before, it’s just that most of them didn’t hold us captive in the middle of the street in a dangerous part of town late at night. And most of the time we didn’t do it when we were already married. But hey, circumstances being what they are I’d rather get picked on for that than for ditching our fight. Got to watch out for my pride, you know.

Besides, I don’t really need them. I’m quick like a bunny, cunning like a hare. Be one with the bunny. I am the bunny. Bunnies hop. I hopped; I couldn’t help it. My head connected with my captor’s chin. Go me!

When one has been in the secret agent business as long as I have, one knows when the proper time to evacuate any given situation is at hand. I knew the time was now. My body didn’t seem to care. I spun around to get a good look at him. I was met with a face full of black cloth.

We both scrambled to get away from one another. I did it out of sheer panic. My guess is he did it under the assumption that lunacy is a catching disease.

“You.” I said. Ugh. Articulate much?

Shroud boy bowed.

The Miscellaneous Group of Random Drunk Guys surrounded us.