“Did we remember the size four throwing knives?” Psycho Meri asked frantically.

I placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay, hon, your weapons are safe and sound. The knives are with the skin primer and clarifying toner.” I threw her my most confidant smile, which, I assure you, is usually as dependable as rain after the car wash.

She responded with a puzzled look. What? So I’m not the most organized packer. My bad. A lady of my caliber has a lot more on her mind than packing. It isn’t easy being me.

“Next thing you know the flunitrazepam will be by the toothpaste and we’ll have to take morning naps.”

Crap, that was a good point. Next time I’ll have to remember to pack the sedatives in a different spot. Maybe by my slippers. That makes sense to me.

Camry gave me a shrewd grin, as though he knew what I was thinking. Sure, just get all up in my head and act like it’s an open book… or a magazine. ‘Cause magazines you read when you’re bored and haven’t got anything better to do. Books are far more engrossing and thus require more time and thought. It’s irritating enough that he seems to know so much about me with so little effort, but I’d be happier it if the act was done in a more solemn way to show appreciation for the enormity of the honor. Otherwise it’s just insulting. It’s rude, even. Grr-ish boy. I resisted the impulse to backhand him.

Mio caught Camry’s look and rolled her eyes. “You didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t.”

“Look, I was trying to pack when Vasilis called and, I’m sorry, but are you going to tell the Emperor that you’re busy and ask him to call back? I don’t think so.” I considered this to be the best possible defense. Handy too, especially because it was true.

Meri and Mio forgave me instantly. They knew the importance of a call from the Emperor. Camry, however, looked all kinds of stricken. This domestication thing was fitting him a little too well. He was whupped, and it wasn’t winning him mad points. I was going to have to increase my fervor for an annulment.

We all piled into Mio’s personal shuttle and booked it to the station. There was a pretty good size crowd outside. I tried to pretend they were all there for me and me only. This pleased me. I smiled with extra charm for the photographers.

Once inside, we were escorted to the waiting area and within the hour the entire dimension leap thing was in process. I don’t know much about how it works or why. All I know is that it does and that my job requires it. Well, and certain extra curricular activities such as this mission. Either way, I get sick of hearing the same warnings every time. It’s like, the more they keep reminding me that it isn’t one hundred percent secure and that my darling little body could combust at any given moment, the more I feel such a disaster is inevitable. I have no desire to be fricasseed so this doesn’t much improve my mood. My former happy and carefree frame of mind rapidly disappeared. I was more than ready to pick a fight.

The first thing to pick a fight with happened to be a stalk of corn. This was no innocent stalk of corn. This was a stalk of corn that smacked me in the face as soon as I fell to the ground. Let me emphasize fell. With all the technology we’ve developed you still can’t jump dimensions without landing at least three feet above the ground so the beginning of the trip is always spent nursing a bruised bum. What’s with that? I’ll bet it’s done on purpose. Those piddly nerds back at the station probably think it’s a real hoot. I’ll show them a hootin’ good time. I’ll kick their ass.

Camry stared at the mutilated stalk of corn in front of me. I wasn’t sure if the look on his face was amazement at the quick work I’d made of the evil vegetable or one of shock. I quickly decided I didn’t care. It didn’t make much difference.

Mio took a moment to check the locator on her belt. “We’re in Wisconsin.” she announced.

I glanced around. “We’re in a cornfield.” I replied dully.

“We’re in a cornfield in Wisconsin.”

I glanced at the rows, made note of the unappetizing manure smell and whacked at a few miscellaneous bugs. No, we’re in a nightmare.