"Hiya! I'm Fred. I'm also a calculator, are you a calculator? No? Oh well nobody's perfect. I just thought that I'd go all modern and get myself a webpage, so here it is!"
DO NOT SCROLL OVER ME!
"I often get funny things written on me, mostly during maths lessons, I don't understand these human scribblings but my owner seems to think that they are pretty humourous. For the sake of the rest of the human race out there I shall try and regurgitate some of these odd things."

"Here is the martian national anthem, it is in the language of Flubadub which has 2.5 million speakers over the planet. Most speakers live in the land of flub which is situated in the northern martian hemisphere. However most martians have now accepted it as the national anthem since all the countries united in peace.
#Bing Bong Flubadubadub,
Bing Bong Flubadubadub,
Bing Bong Flubadubadub,
Flubadubadubadubadub dub dub,#

This is repeated 45 times."

How to see what gender spiders live in your friend's head:
  1. Hold a key on a piece of string above your friend's head

  2. Try and hold the string as steady as possible

  3. If the key swings round and round then the spiders are female

  4. If the key swings back and forth the spiders are male

  5. If the key does a bit of both then the spiders are mixed sex

Scroll over, but becareful I'm tickleish

A sleeping bag is like a lucky dip. You never know what you're going to find in the bottom of it.

scroll over me if you're brave enough
Watching the matrix is like eating cheese, you shouldn't do either just before you go to sleep

Fred's Programs!

Click here to talk to Fred

Click here to let Fred predict your future

Click here for the story of the giant floating malteaser

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