FULL NAME; Garfield Ian Vader HOME ADDRESS; Rose Cottage, Parson Avenue, Kipolapolis, Galaxy 259/M WORK ADDRESS; GPT Offices (or in Maximi Destroyer just above Earth - hee, hee, hee) LIKES; Badminton, erm, ...erm, oh I hate filling these things in, erm, ...toast, TV programme The Bill, flower arranging, destroying planets...hee, hee, hee...Oops, did that record?" DISLIKES;
"Well, wasn't that interesting. Now here are my diary extracts."
Saturday 3rd April 1999 Had a wierd dream last night where I tortured the rebel forces by throwing potatoes at them. Went on to dream about being chased by a giant purple rabbit. That is postively the last time I eat cheese before going to bed.
Sunday 4th April 1999 Started bombing campaign on the Southern sector of the galaxy. It was a long day. I fixed the toaster. It now only burns the one side of the toast.
Monday 5th April 1999 The rebel forces are on the run! Ha, ha! Soon now I may have them in my grasp. No one can stop me! NO ONE!!! Sprained my ankle when I fell over the cat.
Tuesday 6th April 1999 Captured one of the rebel leaders. Wondered if throwing potatoes at people really was torturing them. Ordered my men to do it. Don't think it worked.
Wednesday 7th April 1999 Bad day. The other rebels rescued the rebel leader whilst I was having a lie-in. Proving that you do have to get up pretty early in the morning to catch me out. Also the toaster's still on the blink. Today it spat out the bread still frozen.
Thursday 8th April 1999 Called in a repair man to fix the toaster, I then had to kill him because he tried to charge me £160. Felt a bit guilty so I invited some Jehovah's Witnesses in and made them a cup of tea. Also offered them a hobnob, they refused, I had two.
Friday 9th April 1999 Blew up a planet. Nothing else
Saturday 10th April 1999 ARGH! The horror! The terror! The inhumanity! Even I, the Lord of all evil could not conjure up such hideous monstrosities! Dentist appointment.
Sunday 11th April 1999 Galactic takeover still going well. two thirds of the galaxy is now under my control. Also the fleet is now in it's prime, today less ships were lost than ever before. Soon I shall have complete control!
Monday 12th April 1999 I controlled the galaxy! Just for a brief moment I had won!! Then I fell down the stairs, died and "GAME OVER" came on the screen. Buggery virtual reality game. Found out I was actually in a bedsit in Luton