Tigatron's Meditation, Psychology, and Wilderness Resort
Setting: A peaceful jungle
(Camera pans around and we see Tigatron, beast mode, in yoga pose, surrounded by forest animals. Behind him is a large building, but it looks like the earth made it. The building is made out of tree branches and leaves, and a small bits of metal. Tigatron opens his eyes and speaks.)
Tigatron: Greetings, friends. Welcome to Tigatron's Meditation, Psychology, and Wilderness Resort. Here you can have a relaxing time, meditating and getting life's little problems resolved, all in the beauty of nature. Let's here from some of the people who have visited my resort.
(We see Rattrap and Dinobot, arms around each other's shoulders)
Rattrap: The psychology course there was great. Me and Dinobot went there the most worst of enemies, and now we're the best of friends.
(Dinobot and Rattrap nod, smiling phony smiles. They wait a few seconds until they think the camera is off)
Dinobot: Never, ever touch me again!
(Dinobot whips his arm off Rattrap's shoulder and wipes it, suspecting he is a victim of a contagious rat disease. Rattrap faces Dinobot angrily)
Rattrap: Go to the Inferno!
Dinobot: Vermin!
Rattrap: Dino-butt!
(Camera pans quickly over to Cheetor)
Cheetor (in a surprisingly calm voice): After Tigatron's meditation course, I feel relaxed. I am now in touch with my body and my soul. I am centered. I don't act like a hyper-active, impulsive kid anymore. I am more mature. Tigatron's course changed me. For the better.
(Waits until he hopes camera is gone)
Cheetor: Man, I gotta run around. I feel so dirty stayin' in one place for so long. I think I'll go disobey Optimus's orders again and shoot some Predheads. Waaaaahhhooooooo.....
(runs off, faster than a speeding bullet, the waaahhooo fading in the distance)
(Camera pans over to Blackarachnia, who twitches nervously and constantly looks behind her.)
Blackarachnia: I haven't really gone there yet...but I want to. Really.
(Turns behind her)
Blackarachnia: Look, girlfriend, can you please get your gun away from my head now, I got a Fuzor to flirt with.
(See Air Razor holding a gun to Blackarachnia's head. Air Razor reluctantly lets her go. We pan back to Tigatron, still in yoga pose and surrounded by forest animals.)
Tigatron: So come one and all to Tigatron's Meditation, Psychology and Wilderness Resort. It's all you really need and more, plus, it's free! May the Matrix protect you on your journey here.
(As commercial ends we hear Tigatron speak out of turn)
Tigatron: How much do I get?!
Nightshade's Smiling Seminar
Setting: Inside the Maximal base
(We see Nightshade, in Beast Mode, appear in front of the camera)
Nightshade: A lot of people worry about how other people judge them when they first meet them. The truth is that, if you want people to think you are nice and good, a simple smile will do. But, much to their great misfortune, some people haven't mastered the art of smiling. At Nightshade's Smiling Seminar, you'll learn that simple, but effective, act. My student Dinobot and I will show you how it's done.
(Camera pans towards Dinobot, looking genuinely puzzled)
Dinobot: What?
(Nightshade grabs him into another room looking somewhat like a class room)
Nightshade: I personally will teach you how to smile in a stress free, happy environment.(Speaking to Dinobot) Just try to give us a smile, Dinobot.
(Dinobot doesn't smile)
Nightshade: Please?
(She smiles herself to give him an example. Dinobot remains stone faced.)
Nightshade: (Getting visibly frustrated) Smile, slag you, smile! Smile or I'll pound your slaging brains out!!!!
(Starts stamping on the floor in frustration. Dinobot looks like he's going to burst out in laughter, but isn't smiling. Nightshade then remembers the camera. She stops and grins sheepishly.)
Nightshade: Of course if the student does need a little extra help, I am happy to provide it.
(She turns to Dinobot and grins evilly. Dinobot, a little afraid, is whisked away by Nightshade through an open door. When the door closes we see the words: Danger: Potentially Harmful and Mind-Altering Substances Inside)
(We pan into the other room and see Dinobot chained to a chair, watching something on a TV screen.)
Dinobot: NOOOOOOO! You can't expect me to go through with this. NOOOOO!
(We pan towards the TV and see that he is watching Pocahontas. Beside the TV are other various Disney (TM) movies.)
(Nightshade comes out with Dinobot, who is grinning like an idiot.)
Nightshade: Yep, twelve hours of Disney movies gets ‘em every time. So please come to my smiling seminar and-
Dinobot(in a tremendously mindless voice): With a little pixie dust, you can fly! Come on kids, off to Neverland!
(Starts hopping around the room making flapping motions with his hands. Nightshade looks scared)
Nightshade: Well, umm, maybe with him the smiling seminar didn't work in it's intended fashion, but I'm sure it will work with you. Please come!
(Nightshade gives Dinobot a nervous glance, then runs out of the room REALLY quickly. Dinobot is still "flying".)
Support the "Terrorsaur For Leadership Foundation"
Setting: Inside the Predacon base
(Camera shows a picture of Megatron holding a whip, beating up Taranrulus, Quickstrike and Serpentess. We hear Unnamed Flyer's voice.)
Unnamed Flyer: Is this the kind of person you want ruling your band of Predacons? I didn't think so. Instead of this evil.... monster-rosity? Whatever. Instead of this evil guy who beats his troops, and hangs around with brain dead slobs....
(Camera shows picture of Inferno and Scorpinok, standing beside Megatron. Someone has drawn, in marker, Inferno and Scorpinok with their tongues hanging out and with arrows sticking through their heads. In a speech bubble Inferno is saying "I eat dog pooh for the Royalty". Scorpinok is saying "I'm ugly".)
Waspinator: We need someone who is competent and smart, someone who is strong and courageous someone like.... him.
(We see a picture of Tarantulus)
Waspinator: Oops. Wazzpinator meant him. Dactyl-bot.
(Camera shows a picture of Terrorsaur in a brave pose with the sun shinning off of his metal and with a mighty club in his hand etc. etc.)
Unnamed Flyer: Lets ask some of the Predacons what they think of Dactyl-bot.. umm.. Terrorsaur.
(We see Blackarachnia)
Blackarachnia: Terrorsaur? Oh, he's a major-
(Blackarachnia's voice suddenly sounds like Unnamed Flyer's voice)
Blackarachnia/Unnamed: Cool person. He REALLY smart and he's so sexy.
(Camera pans over to Poltergeist)
Poltergeist: Terrorsaur be-
(Poltergeist's voice sounds like Waspinator's, for some odd reason.)
Poltergeist/Waspinator: Strong brave guy. Dactyl- bot.... I mean Terrorsaur, will make a great leader, and he will kill the Maximals.(Pause) Oops, I mean, kill he will Maximals. Whew.
(We see Waspinator and Unnamed Flyer in front of the camera)
Unnamed Flyer: But, unfortunately, this brave, strong, and VERY sexy, *ahem* soul will not be allowed to be our leader. "Why?!" you shout. Because he can't make it to the top without your help. So please give generously to the "Terrorsaur for Leadership Foundation". What to give, you ask, seeing that we have no use for money? Just send anything that you think might help. Guns, grenades, bombs, nuclear missiles, spaceships, things like that. If you have any more questions, you can't really call us, ‘cause we're on another planet, so umm... I guess...
Waspinator: You can visit our Website at www.DeathtoMegatron.Dactylbot4leadership.Waspinatorrull lzzzz.com
Unnamed Flyer: Ummmmm, yeah... what he said.
(They both keep standing there, staring at the camera. Then they suddenly start doing a little victory dance)
Unnamed and Waspinator: We are the greatest, we are the greatest, we can fool stupid ugly people, lalalalalalala
(They suddenly stop)
Unnamed Flyer: We have a Website?
Waspinator: Of course not, stupid-bat-bot.
Unnamed: Oh.(Pause, Unnamed's face suddenly looses color) Isn't the camera still on?
(Waspinator and Unnamed Flyer look at each other in horror, then disappear from the camera's view. The camera is suddenly switched off.)
Cheetor Drugs
Setting: Inside Maximal base
(We see Cheetor running around inside the base at top speed. He stops and looks at the camera.)
Cheetor: Hi I'm.....Cheetor.
(Dah-dah-dah-dah-music when Cheetor says his name.)
Cheetor: I'm the coolest Maximal on this planet, and Cybertron too. I'm fast on my feet, I have the coolest catch-phrases, and I am the most sexy guy in all of the galaxies. Don't you wish you were me? I know that being me is the greatest thing in the world. I make me feel so good, I should be a drug. In fact now I am a drug. I just made a new drug, it was approved by the F.D.A, and it's called..... Cheetor Drugs. Of course the drug gives you my energy and super-quickness, but here's what else you can do if you take my Cheetor Drugs.
(We see Cheetor shooting at all of the Predacons
out near his base. He kills all of them with one shot.)
Cheetor: You can beat up all of those stink-pot Preds. And you'll be able to say such cool phrases as "how do you dance on all those spindly little legs?", "hey, Big bot just locking down the big babang here", "no can do, Baby Blue","hiya cats, miss me?" and "now that's gorgeous". Aren't those lines SOOOO cool?!
(Back at the Maximal base, the camera shows Rattrap and Malice slobbering over Satin. We see Cheetor come in with suave smile. He transforms into robot mode, and moves towards Satin who is also in robot mode.)
Cheetor: Hey, cute-bot. What's about you and me goin' into a dark and quiet room together?
Satin: Ohh, Cheetor, your so sexy. Of course I will.
(She and Cheetor move off screen. Rattrap and Malice stare at them increadeously.)
Rattrap: Hmm, maybe I should take some of those Cheetor Drugs.
(We see Cheetor again inside the Maximal base, leaning coolly against a doorway.)
Cheetor: No slagin' doubt about it, Cheetor Drugs are the best thing that'll ever happen to ya. You'll be just like me. Meow.
Johnny Rudman Show: Featuring The Beast Warriors
Setting: A carpeted stage.
(We see a man in a suit and tie sitting in a chair.)
Johnny: Tonight on the Johnny Rudman Show, we will meet some special guests. The Beast Warriors! Emotions and startling revelations will come to pass. Here are a few clips of the juicy little moments you will see during MY show.
(Clip: We see an audience member talking to Megatron.)
Audience Member: I don' mean to be dissin' you or none, but, are you gay?
Megatron: WHAT?!!!!
Audience Member: Well, ya know, ya do hang out wid' dese hommies, de Crimson and ant-boy, dey'd do anythin' for ya. Like, I mean ANYTHING!
(Megatron takes out his tail gun thingy and aims it at the guy's head.)
Smart-Mouthed Audience Member: Umm, I withdrawl de question.
(Clip: An audience member is asking Quickstrike and Blackarachnia a question)
Audience Member: This is for that crab guy that likes to kill people. Don't you realize that Blackarachnia is using you? She's only pretending to like you, just so you will protect her.
(Quickstrike looks visibly shocked. Blackarachnia is holding her head between her two pinchers and sighing. All of the other Predacons are hooting and hollering insults at her, most of which are bleeped.)
Quickstrike: Sugar-bot, what in tarnation?....
(Tarantulus grins evilly at Blackarachnia.)
Tarantulus: So the truth finally comes out, eh?
(Clip: We see Cheetor crying and Optimus consoling him)
Cheetor: Sometimes I.... I just need t-to be a... a man.
Optimus: I understand Cheetor.
Silverbolt: Yes, ‘tis a fact of growing up; the trials and journeys into manhood, that location that is hardly ever found, and many never find at all.
Rattrap: WILL YOU SHUT THE SLAG UP ALREADY! NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR THE WAY YOU TALK ANYMORE!
(Rattrap is panting heavily and glaring at Silverbolt, when he realizes everyone is staring at him)
Rattrap (sheepishly): I-I just needed to get that outta my system, dat's all.
(Clip: An audience member is asking Dinobot a question.)
Audience Member: Okay, I think I speak for everyone when I say this: Do you love Nightshade?
(Dinobot stiffens. All cameras and eyes turn to Dinobot. Dinobot twitches.)
Dinobot: Do I need to answer that?
Johnny: Yes.
Waspinator: Its better to tell your true feelings on nation wide television than not at all.
(Dinobot glares at everybody, then slowly speaks)
Dinobot: Hypothetically if I said yes,I do love Nightshade, what would happen?
Megatron: We'd kill you as soon as you stepped outside this building. Slag, if you said yes we might even kill you now.
(Johnny looks shocked, but Dinobot continues talking.)
Dinobot: And if I said no?
Air Razor: Then we'd kill you.
All Audience: And so would we!
(The whole Maximal and Predacon fleet, minus Nightshade, advance menacingly towards Dinobot who is looking VERY uncomfortable.)
Johnny: Look, this show isn't about threats, it's about saying your true feeling and getting publicly humiliated. Just say what you really feel about Nightshade, Dinobot.
(Dinobot is about to speak, but Nightshade interrupts.)
Nightshade: Isn't anyone going to ask me what I think about this?!
Everyone In The Studio: No!
(Everyone turns again and faces Dinobot. Terrorsaur suddenly speaks up and turns towards Nightshade.)
Terrorsaur: Wait, why were you trying to bail him out?
(Nightshade looks shyly at her feet)
Nightshade: Well, because-
(We go back to Johnny sitting alone on the chair.)
Johnny: All this and more, tonight at five.
Beasties Meet Reeboot!
Announcer: Tonight, the Beast Warriors and Reboot meet in an exciting, twelve part episode!
(We see Rattrap inside the Maximal ship doing a voice over.)
Rattrap: We come from Cybertron, through worlds, gaxalies, to this place. Mainframe. Our formats, well... umm, I'm second in command tah Optimus, if dat's what ya mean. And uh, we don't know how we got here, but I know one thing, and that is that we wanna get home. And Satin's a pretty cute chick too, I also know that.
(We see Megatron and Megabyte confronting each other.)
Megatron: Hurmph! Well I'm more powerful than you are. I've got two brain-dead, loyal slobs on my side, and a bunch of not-so-brain-dead, not-so-loyal bots, too. What have you got, huh? Only those stupid little... short guys. Hah, beat that.
Megabyte: Actually I wasn't here to trade ammo or show off my prowess, I was thinking of an alliance.
(Megatron pauses and looks at him supiciously.)
Megatron: And what do you plan to do with this aliance.
Megabyte: I will help you dispose of the Maximals, you will help me dispose of the guardian, and we will rule the Super-Computer together.
Megatron: What's the Super-Computer?
Megabyte: Well, I don't really know, but it sounds...
Megatron: Powerful. Yesss.
(Megatron and Megabyte look at each other then embrace.)
Megatron/Megabyte: Brother!
(Blackarachnia is talking to Megatron's Ones and Zeros.)
Blackarachnia: So, you guys are all loyal to Megabyte.
Ones and Zeros: Yes!
Blackarachnia: Are you sure?
(A few Ones and Zeros look at each other.)
Few Ones and Zeros: We're not!
(Blakcarachnia smiles sweetly.)
Blackarachnia: Then I beleive I have a proposition for you....
(We see Bob, grown-up AndraIA and Enzo, Dot, Mouse and Ray talking to Optimus and the rest of the Maximals.)
Dot: You say you come from outside of the Net?
Optimus: Kinda
Bob: Well, we're glad to have you here Optimus Primal.
(They suddenly look up. We see up in the sky all of the Predacons plus Megabyte in Megabyte's planes. They have the Maximals and the sprites out numbered more than three to one.)
Megatron: Time to die, Optimus Primal.
Megabyte: Finally, I will see the end of you, Bob.
Blackarachnia: Not just yet.
(All of her loyal Ones and Zeros open fire on Megs plus Bytes. A voice is heard overhead and the sky turns dark.)
Voice: Warning, incoming game. Warning incoming game.
Bob: I don't think so.
Optimus: Well, that's just prime.
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