The Chocolate-Bearer
by: Dacia
BtVS W/T-B/W-B/F PG
"What the Hell is going on?!" You ask? No, I've haven't suddenly switched to orgy-type fan fic (as evidenced by the PG rating) it's just that all of these pairings apply to one degree or another; in some cases, only v--ery loosely.
WARNING : Lesbian themes and/or content…? CHECK Some light angst and accompanying chocolate consumption…? CHECK If you have a problem with chocolate consumption or anything else in this story, or perhaps you are under age to view such graphic descriptions of mastication, then please use the BACK button on your browser.
DISCLAIMER : I don't own 'em, *sniffle* Joss does, the lucky bastard. : )
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS : A big thankyou goes out to Richard Scarry for writing damn good children's books. I'd also like to tip my hat at the makers of M&M's, and say that I never once equated 'Plain' with 'boring'. A heartfelt 'yay' for Captain Crunch and Froot Loops cereals, a great way to start your day, SUGAR HIGH! *g*
TIMELINE : This story is just a little take-off from the end of Hungry Ghosts. It does shade in some plot points that will be relevant in the next installment of the series, but mostly I wrote this because I like the idea of Two-Slayers-No-Waiting (if they aren't soulmates I don't know who is). And I thought Buffy was kinda mean in Sanctuary, and should be using her downtime to 'reflect and grow'.
SPOILERS : Some very light references are made to the BtVS episode, Bad Girls, and I borrowed a line from the Angel ep, Sanctuary. There's also some general knowledge stuff about 4th season BtVS, and a few minor slips about 3rd season BtVS (i.e. Faith was working for a giant demon snake, also known as the ________ of Sunnydale).*s*
"Wills? Willow, c'mon, you can't just sit here like this."
Buffy sighed, and walked over to sit down on the bed beside the forlorn redhead, placing the bag she had brought with her on the floor by the bedframe.
The blonde had returned early from her date with Riley, knowing that her best friend would not be in a good place, and in need of lots of TLC. Plus, she still had a lot of packing to do. Everyone was expected to be out of the dorms by the end of the week, and Buffy had yet to start bundling up her belongings. Of course, this was partly due to the fact that she had been in a state of extreme business for oh, the last month or so. Just this past week she'd spent much of her time trying to locate a certain errant witch. Not Willow, naturally, who was easy enough to find these days, usually in their dormroom sitting with the shades drawn and no lights turned on. No, Buffy and the rest of the Slayerettes, had been looking for Tara, Willow's girlfriend.
Even now, thinking about the blonde witch re-ignited a slow-burning flame of anger in the slayer. Tara had left, without reason, without warning, which in and of itself was bad enough, and would have provided Buffy with ample motive to shift into Nobody-Messes-With-My-Best-Friend mode. Worse still though, the apparently shy and unassuming witch had knocked Willow out with a spell, stolen some of her memories from her, and left her to be found by an extremely anxious slayer; and an anxious slayer was definitely not a good thing, Buffy had learned that lesson once from a rendez-vous with a triple-espresso.
The blonde sat observing Willow for a long moment, took in the dark circles under the other girl's eyes, the slack expression, and the washed-out hue of Willow's usually vibrant sea-green irises.
Buffy reoriented herself, so that her body was turned more open to the witch, and made a silent offer with widespread arms and a gentle smile. There was a pause as Willow processed the girl's gesture, and then issued a wan smile of her own before falling against Buffy, into a grateful hug.
Smoothing the silken red strands of the hacker's slightly unkempt hair, Buffy quietly gave what little succor she could, knowing that there were no words she could say that would help.
They had found no trace of Tara, no inkling of her thought processes, her sudden reversal. USunnydale had no transcripts for her, no next of kin, and were in fact, quite baffled as to how such a student could be registered for lectures at all. Willow had recalled her girlfriend saying something about an aunt, but without any kind of background information, without knowing anything about Tara before her life in Sunnydale, they couldn't seem to find her. The witch also had almost no items revealing personal details amongst her belongings, though they had found a picture, that while useless to them in a concrete, factual way, had disclosed something of interest, especially to Willow; the picture was a three people together, in a very close, familial pose. One of whom was instantly recognizable as a pre-teen Tara, and the others, with only a very small leap of logic, could be labeled as her mother and brother.
They had found the picture 2 days ago, buried in the very back of the missing witch's closet, almost hidden, and its discovery had sent an emotionally precarious Willow, into something of a tail-spin. The hacker had been hanging onto a thin thread of hope, even in the face of their mounting failures, that they would be able to locate Tara. But finding the picture had made Willow realize how very little she actually knew about Tara, and how very little the blonde witch had wanted her to know, to the point of deliberately concealing certain things.
Buffy tightened her hold on her friend, angry with Tara for having put them in this place. Willow was crying, but softly, in a defeated sort of way, the passion seemingly drained out of her. They remained locked together, in a Madonna and Child-like pose, until the redhead was able to lift her head and look the slayer in the eye.
Pulling back slightly in embarrassment, Willow tucked some of her fly-away hair behind her ear. The blonde smiled reassuringly at her, to let her know that she shouldn't be self-conscious. Reaching beside the bed, Buffy produced a brightly coloured, 500g bag with a flourish and a wry grin. "I brought chocolate."
This time, Willow smiled genuinely, and gave a fatigued laugh, "Thanks Buff, I can always count on you to come bearing gifts of fatty-goodness."
The blonde slayer donned a mock frown, "Hey, don't underestimate the healing powers of the cocoa bean." She gingerly opened the bag, not wanted to spray the M&M's onto the floor. "And besides, Chapter 3 in the The Best Friendship Book Ever, clearly indicates that a sacrifice to the chocolate gods is in order, and that it is my duty as your friend to help you complete this sacred ritual."
"Did Richard Scarry write that book?"
"Huh?"
"Nothing." Willow grinned at her friend's momentary bewilderment, and grabbed a sample of M&M's proffered by the blonde, fishing around in the bag for the blue ones.
They ate a few handfuls of the sugar-coated candy in silence, with Buffy studying her friend closely, and Willow only meeting her gaze sporadically; mostly keeping her head down, ostensibly studying the M&M's for a manufacturer's flaw.
"So… you packed?" Buffy started out slowly, and redundantly as they were surrounded by suitcases and duffel bags.
"Yah, but I still don't have a place to go." The redhead glanced around the room.
"I thought you were going home?"
"So did I, but I've started to realize that bunking with Mom and Dad may not be the best thing for me right now."
"So what're you going to do?"
"Well…" Willow chewed her lip mildly. "… you know that computer company I interviewed for?"
"Yah." The blonde said casually, preparing herself to be really happy, taking her cue from Willow's leading tone.
"I got the job." The witch stated simply, and as humbly as she could, without looking like too much like a cat with cream.
"Will, that's great!" Buffy gave the hacker an enthusiastic, congratulatory hug.
Willow glowed despite the shadow of sadness hanging over her. "Yah, and they handed me a not-too-shabby signing bonus." She continued with growing excitement, "And I'm just supposed to be there for the summer, but they have me on the pay raise schedule, if I do well."
"That is so cool." Buffy smiled at the redhead, and added seriously, her voice rich and warm, "Nobody deserves it more than you, Wills." She followed her words with another hug.
"Thanks, Buffy." Willow whispered into the blonde's shoulder, and happy smile on her face.
"So, Ms. Moneybucks, how does this tie in with your living arrangements?"
"I was thinking of renting a house this summer. Some place where I could work 'til 4 in the morning without being disturbed if I wanted to, and maybe even eat Captain Crunch for dinner…" Willow said as though the advantages to non-co-parental habitation were just dawning upon her.
"Eeww. Nobody eats Captain Crunch for dinner." The blonde exclaimed, "Everybody knows that's more of a lunch-type cereal. Froot Loops are your best bet for an early evening nosh. They've got, like, 2 essential nutrients or something -- and if you figure in milk… well, I'm sure the healthy adds up."
They shared a smile, and then Buffy asked solemnly, "Are you going to be okay? By yourself, I mean?"
Willow's eyes flickered back to her lap, "I think so, I'd like to think so. It won't be the same as w--when Oz, y'know, but… I wanted to ask you, if you'd like to share the house with me?"
She ended on such an uncertain note, that Buffy had to answer immediately.
"Of course, I'd like to."
The redhead let out a long sigh, and straightened her shoulders noticeably, "Great, I've already scoped out a few places, but I wanted to talk to you before I got too into the details; y'know, location, rent, proximity to graveyards and all that."
A sudden thought occurred to the blonde, "Uh, Will, I, uh should probably let you know that, um-- in terms of Buffy's bank account right now, the First National Bank of the Slayer is kind of in a negative cash flow situation." She added quickly, "But I totally expect that to change. I'm all for joining the burger flipping masses, so long as it doesn't interfere with the staking and stuff, that is. Do you think I'll have to wear a hairnet?" She questioned with a mild distaste.
Willow placed a hand on the slayer's forearm, "It's cool. I didn't ask you to move out with me because I needed someone to split the rent with. Believe me, the green side of things is more than covered. I'm actually really well off." Buffy could see the haunted look returning to the hacker's eyes as she analyzed her last statement, and found it lacking.
In a desperate attempt to ward off the demons surrounding her friend, Buffy bared her only weapon at them, "Chocolate?" She shook the bag slightly as if to make the M&M's more appealing somehow.
Willow declined politely, lowering her head, "I'm being a Gloomy Gus, aren't I?"
"Maybe a little." Buffy conceded, placing the bag of candy on a night table, "But it's not like you're not entitled." She tacked on brightly.
The hacker shook her head, "It's not going to be like it was when Oz left."
"I know. You've already proved that." And it was true, Buffy thought. When the stoic guitarist had disappeared, Willow had been shattered, and had remained fractured for weeks; until her self-pity had placed her friends in inadvertent, but very real danger. This time, although Buffy could see that the redhead's pain was raw and immediate, she could also see that while Willow was definitely hurt, she was not broken. Yet, Buffy couldn't help but wonder, if this situation was somehow worse than that with Oz. At least when the sometimes werewolf had left, Willow had displayed a full spectrum of emotion, anger, sadness and everything in between. Now, with Tara gone, and some new truths revealed, Willow seemed only to be resigned; and yes, sad too, but in a much less overt way. And what scared Buffy the most, was the sense that while the redhead would most certainly survive this blow, something had been irrevocably lost in the exchange. The Slayer feared that the new dullness she perceived in her friend's once bright eyes, was now permanent, and if this was true… I'll never forgive Tara.
Distracted as she was by her thoughts, Buffy missed the witch's next utterance, "What?"
Willow inhaled slowly and spoke in a small voice, "I said, I think if she came back right now, I'd forgive her."
Buffy was perplexed and said so, "But why? I mean, I'm so sorry to say this Will, but it seems obvious, she betrayed you, maybe even used you."
"I know that."
"You can't trust her."
"I know that too, but it doesn't matter."
"How can you say that?"
"Buffy…" She sighed. "You've been betrayed before, by Giles, when he gave you the Council's poison; by Faith, when she turned to the Mayor; by Riley even, when he slept with Faith."
The blonde squirmed, none of these were happy subjects; especially Faith, the anguish she felt from the dark slayer's repeated betrayals was still fairly fresh from their confrontation in LA. She tried to focus.
"But you forgave Giles and you forgave Riley, right?"
"Yah…" She admitted reluctantly.
"And do you know why?"
She remained mute.
"Was it because they were blameless?"
"No. They totally had some guilt to bear." She recalled the hurt she'd felt, and the disappointment at each incident.
"Then, why did you forgive them, and not Faith?"
Buffy hesitated, and then answered with no small amount of wonder, "Because I love them." But I loved Faith too, she was my friend.
Willow looked at her for a moment, waiting for the next piece to fall into place.
Buffy glanced up, contrite, "And you love Tara…"
"I do." The Wiccan whispered sadly. "So, it doesn't matter if I can't trust her, because I love her, and if she asks for a way back into my life and my heart, I can't help, but give it to her."
"I understand, Wills." Buffy's brow furrowed as she spoke, sure she understood Willow's situation better now; she loved Tara, and therefore could forgive Tara of almost any sin. But how come I'm more confused than ever about my own relationships? Buffy realized that what Willow had said was true; she did love Riley and Giles, ultimately that had been the main factor in her ability to forgive them all. But what about Faith…? Though Riley's transgression no longer had the ability to raise her ire, just the mention of the dark slayer was enough to boil her blood. Why can't I forgive her? And why can't I stop thinking about her? I hate her, and yet I don't. I hate myself for not being able to save her.
"Do you really, Buffy?" The vulnerability was back in the redhead's shining green eyes. "Because I know this isn't the most comfortable subject with you."
Huh? She was pulled from her contemplation. The blonde slayer had to take a moment to figure out what Willow was referring to, but eventually her blank expression broke into comprehension, "Forget about it, Will. I may have freaked a little when you first told me about Tara and you, but it's a total non-issue now." She flashed her teeth in her most sincere-looking smile, "Believe me?"
Willow gave a wry grin, "I want to, and I know we hashed this out before Apocalypse Adam went down at the Initiative, but part of me, is still a bit… scared of losing another person who's important to me." She laughed in self-deprecation, "I wonder where that fear comes from." And lowered her head sadly.
Buffy gazed at Willow, her thoughts steeped in memories of betrayal, of forgiveness, of hate and of love. Her mind touched upon the most important people in her life, Giles, her mother, Xander, Riley and Willow… and Faith. She wanted to reassure the redhead, to make her realize that no matter what, she could never think less of her for being her own person, quite the opposite in fact.
Reaching out, she placed a warm hand on the hacker's forearm, and then let it flutter up to the other girl's face. Leaning in closer, she could hear Willow's shallow breath, see the gentle rise of the witch's chest with each inhalation; taking all this in, Buffy felt an echo of emotion, something-- familiar, something she'd felt before. A flash of memory, of dancing, of laughing, and of tears coursed through her. Her hand pressed softly, but insistently, raising Willow's bowed head, and she marveled at the silken kiss of the other girl's skin against her fingertips, before pressing her lips lightly against the redhead's. She meant it a friendly gesture, hoping to express with her actions, the acceptance and admiration that she seemed unable to convey with mere words.
Their lips touched for only one bare second, a quick exchange of surface warmth, an appreciation of softness; but it was time enough for Buffy to realize that the ripple of feeling she had sensed, the emotion indistinct, was… desire. Her senses flooded with a vision of wild, rich, dark hair; the spicy scent of black leather; and a voice that never begged, but was somehow pleading, just tell me how to make it better…
Buffy's mind roiled in turmoil as she and Willow pulled apart, but remembering her intent, she managed to say something sensitive, which also happened to be the truth, "You're my best friend, Willow. And whatever makes you happy can't be a bad thing." She added, "Even if it's not my thing." And was left wondering if that was now a lie.
The redhead said nothing in return, but the moisture gathering in her eyes, and the twitching, overwhelmed smile on her face was indication enough to the blonde that she had succeeded in her objective; and she momentarily shelved her confusion about other issues, especially those concerning a certain rogue slayer.
Wiping at her eyes, Willow let out a quick, self-conscious laugh, "I didn't realize this was going to be a three-hanky conversation."
Buffy smiled in sympathy.
The redhead glanced at her alarm clock, "Y'know… we should probably think about getting some sleep tonight. Cuz we've got a lot of houses to look at tomorrow, and someone still needs to pack."
Recognizing that the redhead had had enough touchy-feely talk for one night, the slayer executed a rapid salute, "Aye-aye, Captain." She helped tuck Willow in under her comforter, and turned out the lamp on the witch's side of the room.
Buffy left the dormroom briefly to brush her teeth, and changed into her blue silk pajamas before slipping under her own covers. As she snapped off the light, she heard Willow's soft, unsteady whisper, "Thanks, Buffy. Thanks for understanding."
The blonde smiled, and then rolled onto her side to sleep. A furrow formed between her brows as she contemplated further, How come I can understand Willow's relationship-y stuff so well, but not my own? As her heavy-lidded eyes closed in prelude to restful slumber, there was one thing she knew for certain; I'm not finished yet with Faith.
Continued in... The Dreamer Awakes
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She enjoys most of the major food groups, including Criticism and Praise, however Flames and Hate Mail give her indigestion.
There's no place like home