"Where is she!" Demanded the red-faced man with a serious balding problem. I could see my wide-eyed, frightened expression in the trophy cabinet opposite the hall.

"Who?"
"Mateja! What have you done with her!"
Huh? What?
Confusion.
Then, it struck me: she had done it. Or ratehr, is doing it. And I had hoped she was only fooling when she declared her intentions to run away!
Oh Mateja!

I saw her slip through the high school lunch crowd. How could you miss her? Dark and sharp featured in her enchatning mysterious way. Okay, so I'm dark-haired and eyed too, but I'm more like one of those poverty-striken Vietnam refugees and the sharpness that was aristocratic on her made me look haunted; and my nose was too big. Her father, though, only found her by the distinctive sneakers outside the gym locker room, white and hot pink, for some unfathomable reason.

I was worried. Not that that's anything new for the Queen of Paranoia, but seriously, there was only one way out of the room. How was she going to escape?

"Mateja!" T called out, taking one of the inner rows, somehow enlisted into the search partty. No answer. Damned, I wish she'd tell me what she was doing in more detail sometimes. What now? You could have given me a speeding ticket for the way my head spun.

"Mateja!" Getting desperate. Hopefully nothing bad's happened to her. Lots of strange accidents have happened in locker rooms.

"Mateja!" Maybe she was gone. Maybe she wasn't here in the first place. Oh please, let it be either! "Matay...!"

"Shh." Scarf and sunglasses and a conservative dress in terrible flora print. Geez Christ! Matty?!

She grinned and pointed at the door. I couldn't believe she thought she could slip past the man huffing guard at the door in that get-up. The doubt must have showned on my face.
"Don't worry, hun," But how could I not?

I let her sneak round the back to the first row, behind him, then made as if I've found her. He came running (more like jogging) into the shower and I slammed the door while matejs slipped out.

The door couldn't hold him forever, it wasn't designed to. The walls shuddered. And shuddered again. So picking up a metal bucket I placed it directly in his path and opened the door on his third charge.

Out he came, crahed into the bucket, tripped and sprawled out cold on the tiled floor. Picking up Mateja's sneakers outside, I ran down the hall, throwing a "Call an ambulance" to whoever who cared and clammered up the stairs to the roof.

Small and bare, grey save the door and fire escape painted red. This was where we hanged out. I dropped the sneakers and went to hug her where she drapped herself over the fire escape, too breathless to speak.

"You okay, Shar?" She asked with a note of concern. I grinned nodding and buried my face in her shoulder. Thank heavens she was! Other than the deepening fear of losing her in the near future, I was never better too.

Mateja smiled and dropped a light kiss on my forehead. "Thank you, love." I cringed a litle inside, half-wishing she'd stop leading me on. A kiss, a name, the same as she would give any other; it didn't mean anything. Snap out of it!
But gawds how I wish it did... ...
"Matty..."

"Mateja! Waytago!" People burst through the door, laughing, joking, congradulating. Mateja grinned.

"The cops sent the old man to the hospital. knocked his head up pretty bad." Matty looked at me in wane curiosity. I shrugged and hugged her tighter. "What say we throw a party at your place tonight, eh?"

She was the first to agree.

No-one commented on my clinging on to her, it was some kind of private game within the group, me having the hots for Mateja, certainly I behaved like i was; the truth, though, is that I found it easier to pretend I'm pretending when dealing with my feelings and impulses towards Matty. Especially since I don't know what she feels about me, exactly.

I didn't take much notice of the small talk exchanged. Then, the bell rang.

"You've got class, right?" She pulled me away. "Run along, then."
"But... ..."
"Go on."
What could I say? I wanted to tell her why I didn't want to leave, why I thought staying here with her was more important than some stupid class, but I couldn't. What if I botched it? Not now!
I sighed and obliged.

"And Shar?" I turned. "You'll come, won't you?"
Yes. Of course I will! Even if I had to lose life and limb in the process... not that that would be necessary. You do go off sometimes, don't you, Shar?

The party was W.I.L.D.

And I still had no clue what to do about Mateja despite her being the only thing on my mind all day. Eventually, everyone started dropping off to sleep. Typical, typical.

I stepped around then, picking up bits of wrappers, half-eaten food and cans and bottles from among the sleepy mass of warm bodies.

Mateja touched my hand at the door and helped tow the large trashbag out onto the side-walk.

"I don't see how ine people can make such a mess." I grumbled as we dragged it over to the garbage can. She grinned. And nine was only the fration that partied in the den.

"Let's stay out here a bit." She smiled at me under the streetlight. There was still the rest of the house, but hang it all, the mess could wait. I nodded.

She sat on the top step of the porch and I settled myself by her feet, head resting tentatively in her lap.

Don't go, Mateja, I wanted to say. I need you. But I couldn't. She had her reasons eventhough I don't know them and I couldn't restrict her. What right have I?

She stroked my hair soothingly. I wanted it to go on forever, this scene. The cool night, the new moon, her comforting prescence. "What is it, Shar?"

"Matty, don't... don't forget me." I finished lamely, looking up into her eyes. Beautiful, beautiful dark eyes I may never see again. She smiled, almost sadly, and kissed me softly, quickly.

"Don't worry, hun, I won't."
What did she mean? I didn't dare hope. Tomorrow she'll be gone, I knew. Oh Mateja! Mateja, how you break my heart!

She held me closer then, gently stroking my hair, my neck, my back. And when she kissed me again, I started to cry.

"Stop it, Matty," I sobbed. "Please... stop..."
Well, she stopped. But the wrong thing.
"I'm sorry, Shar," She drew away quickly. "I didn't..."
"Stop leading me on, damnit!" I hugged her fiercely. It was a wonder I didn't wake anyone up. "It's hard enough letting you go as it is... ..."

"Oh Shar..." she hugged my shoulders tenderly, letting me cry into her t-shirt. "i'm sorry... I didn't think you'd feel this way for real." She held me gently in her lap again, caressing my cheek with one hand, which I grabbed and held closer hungrily, and my back with the other. I both wanted us to stay like this and for her to do more. Even more so I wanted her to stay. Then, emotionally spent, I dozed.

It must have been a dream because there was no misty shrouded purple forest in front of Mateja's house. The undergrowth was dark and the trees glowed with a strange light.

Sharp sinister triangles glinted from a distance and suddenly became two great grey wolves in dire need of grooming lunging at me, no, through me. It was as if I wasn't there......

I woke in fright then. Nothing had changed, I must've slept for some ten, twenty minutes at most.

But Mateja was gone.

Fear? Premotion? Hope?
I have no idea.
But I do admit I have strange dreams.