SEGMENT 1: I'm a Mercenary ... Get Me Outta Here!
Day 0
Dear Diary
We're on a spaceliner on the way to our new lives mummy says. Mummy also says that daddy isn't our daddy any more and Uncle Frank isn't our uncle either. Timmy is such a girl ... he keeps going on and on about the spaceliner crashing or exploding or the air being sucked out. I just think it's cramped and smells funny. Besides, mummy says you've got more chance of being hit trying to cross the AI controlled auto-highway than you have of being in a space accident.
Tammy
Day 1
Dear Diary
Well the spaceliner blew up. Mummy says that it just goes to show that even small probabilities have to happen sometime. Timmy screamed and cried all the way to the lifepod. He's such a girl and I'm sure he peed his pants but at least he didn't throw up on the way down ... not like Mr TBA (PJ). Mr TBA (PJ) was sick but Mr Trellis (PhilJ) managed to get out of the way ... it was cool the way the sick all stuck together in mid-air. Unfortunately it smelled bad and the three businessmen all threw up too. Mr Trellis (PhilJ) and the Baron (Gray) got hit this time ... the Baron (Gray) just sighed but Mr Trellis (PhilJ) got very angry like daddy used to.
After we landed Mr Takeshi (Rich) and Mr TBA (PJ) both went to get the survival kit. Mr Takeshi (Rich) tried to hit Mr TBA (PJ) but missed and they started to struggle. Mr Trellis (PhilJ) fired his hand in the lifepod and the Baron (Gray) shouted at them to stop fighting. Luckily the radio beeped and another lifepod talked to us so everyone stopped fighting and listened to what they had to say. As they were talking to us someone opened the door to their lifepod and they told us that we could do the same because it turns out that we'd be able to breathe the air outside.
The planet is very hot and humid. Mummy says we're in a jungle and we should stay close to her. Timmy started crying again and started saying we'd be eaten by wild animals. Mummy says that there's more chance of getting hit while trying to cross the AI controlled auto-highway than be eaten by wild animals. This didn't seem to help.
The people in the other lifepod said that they'd managed to find us using a scanner Mr TBA (DaveG) built and that they'd walk over the next day. Mr TBA (PJ) climbed a tree and put our blankets at the top of it. I'm not really sure why he did this and this meant we didn't have any blankets to sleep with.
Mr Trellis (PhilJ) keeps staring at us like Uncle Frank used to. I'm not sure I like him.
Tammy
Day 2
Mummy spent a lot of time talking to the Baron (Gray) this morning and Mr Trellis (PhilJ) actually smiled at us! Perhaps he's just been unhappy because the businessmen threw up on him. The businessmen call themselves Chuck, Harry and Larry. Mummy says that they're just typical men and that they're pigs.
The people from the other lifepod joined us around mid-day. A wild boar attacked them and Galen (Gray) and Mr Chumbawumba (Sukh) killed it. Apparently, it hit Rob in the leg and then came back for him but Galen (Gray) slashed open its side and as its guts fell out it charged Mr Chumbwumba (Sukh) who jumped up and shot it as it crashed into the tree he was standing in front of. Timmy started crying again and mummy said that at least it was them that got attacked and you were more likely to get hit crossing the AI controlled auto-highway than for us to get attacked by wild animals again. I just think its cool how Mr Chumbawumba (Sukh) leaped over it but Galen (Gray) was awfully brave because he only had a knife to fight with. It was nice to see Herman again. He was our steward and he always smiled and had sweets in his pockets for us.
After they'd told us the story the three businessmen started talking among themselves and then talked to Mr Takeshi (Rich). Mr Takeshi (Rich) just shrugged and walked off into the jungle with the businessmen following him. Mummy said she hoped they didn't come back and Mr Trellis (PhilJ) didn't look too happy. At least he stopped scowling at us for a while.
Mr Takeshi (Rich) and the three businessmen came back in the late afternoon and Mr Trellis (PhilJ) started telling them that he was glad they had a good time but perhaps we should be concentrating on working on a way out of here than going on stupid hunting trips. Chuck got really angry when Mr Trellis (PhilJ) said that hunting was stupid and took a swing at him but Mr Trellis (PhilJ) was really fast and knocked him out cold. Harry looked really angry but Larry smiled when he thought no-one was looking. Janey keeps looking at Mr Kessler (PhilM) when she thinks no-one is watching. I think she wants to have his babies.
Everyone got in the lifepod to sleep at night but no-one could sit down because there wasn't enough room. The Baron (Gray) said that Mummy, Timmy and I, Rob and Janey, and the businessmen could stay in the pod and that everyone else should sleep outside. The three businessmen told him where he could stick it and went to sleep outside with the others. Somehow Mr TBA (DaveG) ended up sleeping in the pod with us as well but he seems ok and he didn't snore.
The people outside argued for a long time about whether they should have three or four watches. I think they decided on three. During the night the camp was attacked by wolves. There was lots of shooting by Mr Trellis (PhilJ) and Mr TBA (PJ). Timmy started crying again and mummy just told him to shut up.
Tammy
Day 3
Dear Diary
In the morning the Baron (Gray) opened the pod door and was angry to see that the bodies of the businessmen were just left where we could see them. Chuck's head was missing and Harry's head was only hanging on by a strip of skin. It was cool but Timmy started crying again and mummy said that that was what happened to men who were pigs and something about how Timmy took after Uncle Frank who was always crying as well.
We had to leave the lifepod today because we were running out of water. Luckily Mr TBA (PJ) said he thought he knew where some water was and we headed off into the jungle. It started to rain as we walked and Mr Trellis (PhilJ) talked to Timmy as we walked. Timmy stopped crying. Perhaps Mr Trellis (PhilJ) isn't a bad man but I sometimes wish Timmy wasn't here.
We found a stream at about 4pm ... Mr TBA (PJ) said so. I know the Baron (Gray) stuck a stick in the ground at the camp and watched the shadows but I don't know if Mr TBA (PJ) was right or just pulling my leg. Galen (Gray) waded into the water to try and catch some fish to eat. Timmy wanted to help but Galen (Gray) asked him to fish at the edge of the stream. Galen (Gray) didn't catch anything but he looked dreamy.
Mr Trellis (PhilJ) walked in the water by the edge where Timmy was and talked to him and then Timmy disappeared all of a sudden. Mr Chumbawumba (Sukh) dived in and then dived out even faster.
They reckon a crocodile got Timmy. Mr Trellis (PhilJ) went to talk to mummy and told her that perhaps she should have supervised Timmy better and what was she thinking letting him paddle in the river unsupervised? Mummy then started crying until Mr Trellis (PhilJ) slapped her. Mr Trellis (PhilJ) muttered something about Timmy only slowing us up under his breath when he walked passed me. I don't think I was supposed to hear him but I think he has a point.
Wolves came to look at us in the night but Mr Chumbawumba (Sukh) fired the flare pistol into the air and they didn't bother us again.
Tammy
Day 4
Dear Diary
We walked another half day until the stream joined a bigger river. Everyone was careful not to walk too close to the rivers edge. Mr Kessler (PhilM) keeps chatting to Janey and Rob keeps getting annoyed about it. I wish they were more like Galen (Gray). He doesn't say much but he's cool. Galen (Gray) and Mr TBA (PJ) went chopping down trees. It wasn't a competition but Galen (Gray) chopped down more. Mr TBA (DaveG) modified a laser pistol and chopped down more trees than either of them but that doesn't count.
Mr TBA (DaveG) then went out to set traps to try and catch us some food while Mr Takeshi (Rich) went out to hunt. Mr Takeshi (Rich) came back muttering something about a ‘bloody sloth'.
Mr Kessler (PhilM) thinks he heard someone on the radio and Mr Trellis (PhilJ) seems almost happy today.
Tammy
Day 5
Dear Diary
It was raining again today. Mr TBA (DaveG) went out to the traps he set last night and came back with a piglet. It was already dead which was a shame ... I wanted to see him kill it. I did get to see how you gut a piglet and cook it on an open fire though. Mr TBA (DaveG) also mentioned how a sloth was hanging from a tree that had been cut down but had got stuck in another tree when it was falling down and it looked like someone had fired a laser a couple of times at the sloth but missed. Mr Takeshi (Rich) just went very quiet and didn't say anything.
We all got on the raft once they finished tying the vines. Herman slipped when he tried to get on the raft and went straight under. He didn't come back up and mummy started crying and saying how you shouldn't get to like any men as they always let you down one way or another. Mr Chumbawumba (Sukh) dived in again and under the raft ... he's awfully brave. Galen (Gray) grabbed Herman and lifted him out of he water ... I'm sure he'd have dived in if he'd seen the accident before Mr Chumbawumba (Sukh). Mr TBA (PJ) leapt forward and gave mouth to mouth to Herman who coughed up a load of muddy water ... gross! Mummy started crying and laughing at the same time and praising Mr TBA (PJ) telling him what a wonderful man he was and how he'd restored her faith in men. Mr TBA (PJ) just looked uncomfortable like most men do after mummy has had a few drinks.
Janey keeps looking at Mr Kessler (PhilM). I'm sure they'd be kissing by now if it wasn't for Rob. I sometimes wish Rob wasn't here.
Not long after we'd set off on the raft the rear knots came undone but Mr TBA (DaveG), Mr TBA (PJ), Mr Chumbawumba (Sukh) and Galen (Gray) tied them up again.
Two crocodiles watched us for a while and then one swam towards us. Just before the raft he disappeared and then hit the bottom of the raft. It was only a bump and people said that the raft was too heavy to tip. The same thing happened a few times before Mr Takeshi (Rich) tried to shoot one with the flare pistol. Unfortunately Mr Takeshi (Rich) just shot his leg and the flare bounced off into the middle of the raft where it hit Rob. Rob fell to the ground and started screaming about how he can't see. There was a lot going on but Mr Trellis (PhilJ) went to help Rob. The next thing we know Rob has fallen in the water and is under the raft. As he comes out the end Galen (Gray) grabs him but so does a croc. Mr Trellis (PhilJ) muttered something about survival of the fittest. I agree with him. Janey kept crying but also kept looking at Mr Kessler (PhilM). I think she wanted him to comfort her. Mummy just kept moaning about another man leaving ... I think she might have a problem.
We stopped and made camp before dark. Mr Kessler (PhilM) talked to the rescue party downstream on the radio and Mr TBA (DaveG) went out to set traps again. I hope he catches another piglet.
Tammy
Day 6
Dear Diary
The rescue party found us in the morning and said they'd have to tow the raft. Mr TBA (DaveG) came back with another piglet but he'd already killed it again.
Mummy and me, the Baron (Gray), Herman and Janey went in the boat while everyone else stayed in the middle of the raft. During the night a croc jumped out from under the water and landed on the raft. Galen (Gray) jumped onto its back and tried stabbing its head. People were hitting it but they didn't seem to be doing much damage till Mr Kessler (PhilM) cut it on the side of the mouth, Mr TBA (DaveG) stuck a stick in its mouth and Mr Kessler (PhilM) cut the other side of its mouth. All the time Galen (Gray) was on top of it sticking his knife in its ear. In the end Mr Takeshi (Rich) shot a flare down its throat and it glowed from the inside ... it was the coolest.
Mummy hasn't said much since Rob left us.
Tammy
Day 7
Dear Diary
Not much to tell today. They've strapped the croc down the middle of the raft facing the way we're going and everyone's taken a go at pretending to ride it.
Tammy
Day 8
Dear Diary
We made port today.
The mayor of FirstTown came to meet us. Everyone cheered when they saw the croc and all the men were congratulated. Mummy said that that would be right because killing things was really clever not like giving birth or being a doctor. I suppose mummy is right but I still think it was cool.
Everyone was shown to the immigration centre but then we were told that the Baron (Gray) had arranged a room for mummy and me so we said good bye to the others and left. I told Herman I'd come and visit. I'm glad he made it.
Tammy
Fin.