Chapter One: The Village of Arroyo Arrive at the Village of Arroyo. Weapons must be left before entry into village to allow Caravan & Village do some trading. PJ searchs for and finds a 'loose' woman to furfil the manly needs his "Cat's Paw" magazine has just recently awakened. Rocco begs for food and is rewarded, then decides to play with some village kids Vat69 has his left arm stump and rib fixed by wacked out village shaman (Hukumen)..is so impressed he joins him as an apprentice. Various powder bags are sniffed before Vat69 leaves to wanders the fields and dream in the Garden of Dreams.. The Whinging Box and Entity Sprocket discover through the use of the Box's perception that a high tech device exists inside the village..in fact a Nyoma Model 'VoiceBox' Circuit Board..the pair hatch a nefarious plot to steal the device...obviously just going up and asking for it would be just too cunning?..anyway the device turns out to be one small trinket on Hukumen's Many Trinketed Spirit necklace... this is accomplished while the shaman lies unconscious after the Vat69's Double Root party..... Rocco the Dog senses his master (Jonah) is in mortal danger..what else could being prone, grunting and having your trousers around your ankles mean? He charges into the pair and savages the 16 year old village girl...she screams and then falls convienently unconcious... Leaving PJ desperating pulling his pants up, astride a prone, spread-eagled girl..while being surrounded by the toughess, bloodthirstiest warriors in village of Arroyo...Guys I can explain this... Jonah is lead to the Temple of Trials...all his weapons and equipment are confiscated and the now whimpering form of PJ is hurled thru a dark entrance, which, is then closed by a colossal stone door...the Gods will judge his guilt...Rocco returns tale-awagging to feast on another 2 bramins roasts. Jonah survives the numerous trials in the Temple by sneaking pass EVERYTHING and touching NOTHING if he has a choice...eventually he faces a scarred, muscular warrior for the trial of combat...unarmed combat..PJ fights dirty and tries to spear his honourable and worthy unarmed opponent!..this fails...the combat WILL be unarmed agrees PJ when informed by his opponent that it is NOT to be fought to the death.. PJ limbers up by grabbing his head and twisting his neck visciously...CRACK!.. PJ suffer 5 hit points of damage, he stumbles around awkwardly to face his now pale opponent...'if you can do that to yourself what will you do to me? states the awed warrior..' I bow to your superior fighting prowess and yield'.... PJ attacks??!!!!??? Eventually PJ is made to understand the concept of 'yield' and decides not to attack the large scarred man with big feckoff muscles and becomes the Chosen One of Arroyo. The tribal warrior is relieved that Jonah's 'Berserk' rage subsides so that 'I give up' no longer translates to 'come on ya slag if ye think ye hard enough' in PJ's twisted brain...anyway enough PJ jokes... Jonah is lead down to the Vault of Arroyo where the artifacts left by the First Chosen One reside. PJ grabs about as much as he can carry and returns to the outside. On his person, a flamethrower, a plasma rifle, 8 spherical objects with pins, 1 lump of squidy material with a digital clock & a few stimpacks...the Village have their New Chosen One! Jonah as the CO, is then wined, dined and has sexual needs saited before being given his real task, to find the fabled 'Garden of Eden Creation Kit' or G.E.C.K. to save the village of Arroyo from certain destruction..the land bleeds, the people suffer, we have sinned, but on his day when the Chosen One hast returned, let him find the power to find the G.E.C.K and BE KING! PJ says he'll think about it...8-|...the caravan master decides that this may be a good time to leave... The Village Elder smiles and tells Jonah that the gods have chosen him and that he will not be able to escape his fate. She goes on to inform the party to contact a man called 'Vic' when the caravan reaches the settlement of Klamath Falls. He is a merchant there and he has traded Vault artifacts with the village before...so he may know the locations of Vaults further south. This news is met with keen ears/audio receptors from the members of Team Vault. The caravan trundles out of the Village of Arroyo, Jonah looks behind and see the crowd of villagers watching his departure...the elder lifts a frail arm to salute him..Jonah watches for a few more moments before turning and then following the caravan... Chapter Two: Klamath Falls On route to Klamath Falls, Jonah decides that it *is* time to discipline Rocco for interrupting his carnal activities in the village. He shouts and curses at the dog before tying a leather collar around his neck. Rocco appears confused and whimpers during the ordeal. Not only does the dog get a new collar, he gets 3 of the spherical objects with pins suspended on his collar. The caravan continues its journey, the featureless desert landscape gives way to roads of broken asphalt and the going becomes easier. His new leather collar begins to irritate Rocco so much he decides to claw away at it until it falls off...he then returns tail awagging back to his master...a vein in Jonah's face throbs..he berates the canine fiercely once more (NO ROCCO NO! BAD DOG!), leaving the poor Rocco a whimpering wreck. After 4 days the cravan arrives at it's destination. The leafy green settlement of Klamath Falls..the members of Team's Vault and Team Certain Death have not seen so much greenery before in one place. After a period of awed amazement the party head off into town to do the things that their individual tastes desire. After going into the town on seperate paths the combined members of the newly formed 'Team of Certain Death for Vault 18' arrive together at an establishment called 'The Golden Gecko'. People look at each other uneasily before entering their first bar...a round of Gecko Amber Beer is ordered and the motley group sit down at a table to drink. Within seconds of their first sip the obigilatory shout of 'We don't like you tribal scum in here!' issues from a swaying man at the bar...he staggers forwards and picks out.....Jonah to oppresses...you tribals aint so tough..come on think you can take on a real man?...Jonah listens to the torrent of abuse quietly and continues to sip his Gecko Beer while waiting for the litany from the drunk to subside...he then point a finger...the barman falls to the floor, waving his arms and shouting 'No Blasters! No Blasters!' The party look at the barman strangely..he gets back on this feet with a sheepish grin and shrugs...always wanted to say that..*cough*..anyway..the drunk throws a punch at Jonah..the Outdoorsman shouts 'Rocco KILL!' The huge mutt & drunk converge with much cries of pain and nashing of teeth..the party then finish their drinks in relative peace & quiet. After thirsts have been quenched the party scout around town trying to find Vic's place, this is located near the main hotel in Klamath Falls..Knocking at the door provides no answer from within so .....how can I put this...the door then 'miraculously' opens as Buster leans on it...the party then search the abode throughly and finding nobody home, ransack the place. A pipe rifle, more 10mm ammo and a couple of Vault 13 water bottles amongst the things appropriated. Rocco the dog gains his first and only item on his equipment list a pair of tough Wellington boots..the Rocco chews and bites on these with relish & pleasure..he then spends a pleasant couple of hours playing fetch with himself. Finding Vic not at home the party continue their travels around Klamath Falls. Buster thinks that maybe they should get the blind security guard's eye injury looked at. After talking to a few town people they are directed to 'Trapper Town', a district to the eastern edge of Klamath Falls, and to a certain Doctor Blud. Team Vault head to this destination. While walking through Trapper Town, Buster asks the NPC security guard his name?...he immediately replies 'Security Guard Number 6 Sir'...no no..your *real* name...'oh..em....Roc Ingersol Sir'. Welcome aboad Roc. The quartet find Doctor Blud and after a nerve wracking hour, of HAH HAHA HAHA HA HAH! and various rusty blunt instruments picked up and then put down, the team leave carrying the bandaged figure of Roc Ingersol back to the hotel. The "Doctor" says his injuries are only superficial and he should recover his sight in a couple of days. Meanwhile the Boyz posse of Jonah and Vat69 discover the 'Baths' establishment. Bath? the pair enter the building and are immediately accosted by a middle aged woman in figure hugging attire...Would you gentleman care to peruse our services?....a frantic nodding of heads from Jonah and Vat69. Jonah eventually selects the 'Full Squeaky Clean Body Wash Service' performed by the luvly & beautiful Kate for 25 Bottle Caps..while the madam regretfully informs the large green mutant that none of the girls could possible accomodate a person of his sta-*cough*-ture...she herself, however is willing to try...a beaming Vat69 & the Madam retire to an adjoining room for a 30 minute 'Bath' session. Jonah's Ba-*cough*-th lasts for a full hour and as he gets chatting with Kate, she lets on that Vic visits her regularly and that he's probably out of town on business...probably be back in a couple of days..Jonah pumps her for a little bit more information (ok it's a cheap shot..but hey..I'm a cheap guy)..to which she coughs up (..8-)..) that he normally heads to 'The Den', a dodgy town southeast of Klamath Falls. While sitting around and watching Roc recover his sight in their hotel room, the robot CPU, B.O.X. picks up a faint signal on his high tech gear detector a couple of miles out of town..while he is processing this information and trying to increase the clarity of the signal..a smaller blip leaves the larger image before returning to it. B.O.X. immediately informs the members of Team Vault of his findings..he still can't make out for sure what the signal is because he's encountering interference of some sort. Team Vault head downstairs and inform the rest of the party of their findings. The newly clean and fresh smelling pair of Jonah and Vat69 also spill the information of the whereabouts of Vic the Trader and that the rest of the dudes should *really* check out the Baths establishment! The party head out of town towards the high tech blip. The trail heads into a canyon filled with lush foliage..a strange creaking, whining sound emanates from somewhere within...the party creep foward and unsling weapons and lead pipes...the path leads them to a crash site containing a large metal bird like the one that Team Certain Death encountered in the desert. There are no sign of life and the craft is completely gutted and burnt out...the strange creaking and whiny noises come from the slowly spinning, smashed rotor blades. The party begin to conduct a through investigation of the vehicle..when suddenly...DANGER! DANGER! WILL ROBINSON!...a metal robot with many appendages, issues out of the belly of the craft and attacks the nearest team member..Arthur Nogardeep..a salvo of 10mm bullets ricochet off the sides of the armoured machine..2 prong-type appendages emerge from within the robot and these crackle with electrical energy..its heads straight at Arthur. The wee man fires a shot at point blank range and then dives aside. His aim is true and a segment of the robot breaks away..but the automaton keeps on coming. More shots ping off the sides of the Robot and the shooting by and large is having no effect. This is the time when a true hero steps forwards and saves the day....so with this party this can only mean one thing...everyone starts preparations to run like bastads out of the canyon..Jonah Travis decides to have one final shot...he brings up his pipe rifle, takes steady aim and fires.. ..BANG!...vooommmmmm....CRASH!..zzzzzzzzzzz...CLUNK.......ffzztt! The 10mm bullet strikes directly into the machine's CPU, destroying it utterly. The robot immediately crashes to the ground....Jonah casually loads another bullet into his pipe rifle and clicks it shut with one hand...a chorus of 'you lucky bastad and Woof Woof Woof' echo around the canyon. Buster Sprocket get's to work salvaging what he can. Tools are needed so tools are bought. Instead of stripping out the smashed CPU and sliding the B.O.X. into the slot and allowing PhilJ's character movement and the abilty to manipulate things, the Technician 3rd class decides instead to gut the 'Mr Handy' robot to get to the two working fusion power cells deep within its frame. One of these fusion power cells is then exchanged for the empty one on Josiah's Plasma rifle...the shaman now has a working model of the most powerful rifle EVER built by humanity...he has trouble controlling himself.. ..Well come on then..try it out, shout the other members of the party...a grinning, drooling Josiah Sawbones points the energy weapon at a tree, and then waits for the rest of the party to run to their safety positions..he squeezes the trigger....GRRR....ZEEEEMMMM!...a green bolt leaves the tip of the weapon and strikes the tree...50 points of damage!..the tree splinters and crashes to the forest floor. The rest of the party stare, mouths wide open...I guess it works, grins the erect figure of Josiah Sawbones. The party return from the canyon and now have to decide whether to go to 'The Den' to find Vic or wait for his return. Are they men of action or men who like to spend there time drinking beer and having baths?...they decide to wait. Jonah decides to get in some provisions and tells Rocco to amuse himself...the mutt is a bit crestfallen as his master has not played his strange fetch game with him for weeks now...he sulks outside the shop and scratches an ear... Some town children come to look at him and he happily walks over to them...soon a game of fetch is in full flow as Rocco's Kelvar Wellies are flung around town with the large muscular dog in hot pursuit...in time as is the way of things, Jonah's pathetic barter skills are interrupted by the sounds of breaking glass, curses, screams and such like. A vein on Jonah's head throbs..excuse me I'll be back in minute he informs the storekeeper. The tracker arrives outside and surveys the scene...Rocco..Kids.. .Boots...Jonah stomps towards the town kids and gives each a resounding slap. This sends the little scamps crying back to their mommies..Rocco returns and dropsa chewed and muddy boot at his master's feet...NO ROCCO NO! shouts Jonah and slaps the dog across his face...whimpering..high pitched whine...NO ROCCO NO!..with that Jonah grabs the dog by the ears and man-handles him back to his hotel room. NOW STAY! he cries as the blue haired tracker closes and locks his hotel room door...Rocco sits on the bed and scratches an ear..... When the tracker returns with his provisons (12 bottles of NukaCoke) he finds the hotel room a complete disaster area..torn bedding, claw marks on the walls, the drinks cabinet empty, a collosal doggie do in the bathroom sink..and a drunken Rocco sleeping in the middle of it all. Several veins on Jonah's forehead throb...a Mr Travis..calls the hotel owner..I hope you have sufficent funds to pay for all that damage... ...eventually the cost of repairs are bartered over and Jonah manages to cut a schrewd deal where he gives the hotel owner all his remaining bottle caps, all the party funds (leather jackets, pipe rifles, spears, knifes, etc) and she doesn't call the police. Now that Jonah is skint and has no money for beer and baths, the calling to become a 'man of action' rears its ugly head. The party reluctantly agree and set off into the wilderness again in a southeasterly direction towards 'The Den'. After a couple of days of uneventful travel, the group somehow stumble smack bang into the middle of a Gecko lair..the numerous bleeched bones aside the trail not being picked up on.... ...and a melee ensues, plasma rifles are fired and Geckos missed, the B.O.X. sends forth a roar from the fabled Winged Beast of Malta..that stuns the shaman, sends Roc Ingersol into unconsiousness and freaks Alex Mantilla completely..the new man/woman..runs screaming away from the melee and right into one of the canyon walls.. ..SMACK!...THUD!...unconsciousness.... The blows of the party are so thunderous that small rocks start unhinging themselves from the canyon walls and begin to rain down on the melee..eventually only 1 Gecko remains and Josiah Sawbones faces him...this wily lizard has already narrowly missed a plasma bolt, survived the roar of the fabled winged beast of Malta and also several rounds of melee combat with the shaman...in this situation there is only one thing to do.. ..Josiah draws a bead on the Gecko's head with his 10mm pistol and squeezes the trigger..there is a huge roar and a blinding explosion..he feels sudden pain from his 'shooting' hand.. The Shaman's 10mm pistol explodes, sending shards and schrapnel in all directions.. the Gecko expires and everyone within 2 hexes suffers 23 points of damage. Josiah loses a couple of digits from his right hand..the B.O.X. convinces the DM that it should take half damage as it has the body of Buster Sprocket as cover..the DM agrees... ..and we leave the adventure as the party settle down to lick their wounds after the Gecko fight. FIN