Author: Lark
E-mail: theagents1013@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Requiem
Feedback: Operators are standing by
Archiving: Spooky's, Gossamer, etc. Anywhere else, please request permission.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine...
X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
Against All Odds (1/3)
X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
"Baby..." I whisper at my flat stomach. I have not been able to, nor will I ever be able, to explain this amazing impossibility to myself. After years of believing that I was incapable of conceiving a child, the impossible has happened. I am carrying a baby...and not just any baby, but *Mulder's* baby. Our love has finally blossomed into a physical relationship, and what was already perfect and good has become so much more. I don't understand how it is possible, but here I am, sitting in this hospital bed, feeling in my heart the new life that has taken up residence inside me. The joyous feeling that overcomes me almost wipes out my terror for Mulder, but not completely.
He's gone, taken from me in the most awful way, at the cruelest moment. Hearing this momentous news without him has wrenched my heart to pieces, knowing that a large part of his guilt springs from my supposed infertility. My greatest joy mingles with my greatest sorrow as I realize that if the worst were to happen and he never comes home, I will always have a part of him with me.
When we became involved, a true couple, it went unspoken that I would never be able to give him children. Even though I've suspected that Mulder has always wanted to be a dad, he was willing to give up this aspect of life for me. Our love overcame it all, and even though we wanted to take things slowly, I suppose that the end goal has always included living the rest of our lives out with each other, whether through marriage or a committed partnership. We have come too far to give each other up. I don't know if that is possible now. I love him, and I have to find him for our miracle child as well as for myself, but I have come to know that nothing is ever for certain.
I can't ever give up, though. Mulder is my life, my love, and now, he takes the most important role as the father of my baby. Optimism should come easily to me, now that the hope of my life has become reality. Somehow, I am going to be able to give him what he must have always imagined for himself - a child; a small combination of him and myself - physical proof of our union. He has to come back, if only to see and know his flesh and blood.
When I first started getting dizzy spells, I wouldn't let myself think about them and what they could mean. Vertigo had previously signified death in my life, and there was no way I could think about that at a time when my life had really only begun. For the first time, I was feeling that everything was falling into place. I know what love is now, and I know what it means to be everything to someone, and have that person be everything to you. I have gotten a taste of a life that I could never get enough of. If my cancer was to return, I don't think I would have had the strength to fight it this time. One important detail was missing, however. There were no nosebleeds.
Then, I skipped a period. Regardless of my being infertile, my monthly cycle has continued on; a stark reminder of my once-empty womb. I think in the back of my mind I must have suspected, but I have been too concerned with this whole situation to really think about myself.
After the fainting spell, I had no choice in going to the hospital. While I was unconscious, the Gunmen rushed me there, tests were performed, and when I awoke, I was greeted with good news and bad.
Good and bad? More like life and loss. I can still see their faces perfectly, in vivid detail. Frohike glancing at Byers, then at Langley, trying to decide which news would be better delivered first. I watched this through half-closed lids, the murkiness from my dreams clearing, a hollow, leftover echo of a baby's cry ringing in my ears. I struggled to rise above the cloudiness that threatened to drag me down as a wave of nausea and dizziness swept over me again. Frohike had taken a deep breath, offered a steadying hand, and started speaking.
"Scully, we don't know how to say this...there's good news and bad news..."
He stopped abruptly, then I could see that he had decided to settle for the bad news first. Just seeing his face was enough for me. I knew what was coming.
"Mulder's been abducted."
I looked at my folded hands, silently cursing whoever was listening. I knew that this was possible, but didn't want to think about it. Now, I guess I should have. I would have been better prepared, but either way, Mulder was gone, leaving me with nothing but a hollow, emptied-out feeling. As the words hit me and made sense, cold panic gripped my heart.
"I...oh my God...no. No. He can't be gone!" I looked at them sharply, searching for something that would refute this horrible fact. A deep chill started in the base of my spine, and my stomach turned into a sickening chunk of lead. I put a shaky hand to my mouth as I tried to calm my churning stomach.
"But that's not all," he rushed on, as he saw the tears streaking down my cheeks.
"What else could there be?" I tried to speak steadily, but my voice wavered badly, betraying my inner turmoil.
"Scully, you're...you're..." He stopped short, shaking his head, a small smile playing on his lips.
"Tell me." I began to grow impatient, and the words came out sounding harsh and bitter.
"I don't know how it happened...well, actually, I do, but...You're pregnant."
Pregnant?
I tried to speak, to say *something*, but my mouth hung open, no words coming out. Langley and Byers glanced at each other, both smiling.
"Impossible..."
"I guess not, Scully. We were too worried to wait for you to wake up so the doctors could tell you what was happening to you, so we, uhh...we hacked into the hospital files to find out for ourselves."
"I should have known. Where's the doctor? I need to get some answers..." I started laughing and crying at the same time, not sure whether to die from the shock or break down from the unfairness of it all.
Frohike left the room to flag down my doctor. She arrived within moments, and the boys left to give me some privacy.
"Dana, how're you feeling?" She reached for my wrist and glanced at her watch.
"Fine, all considering..." I smiled wanly.
"I've been reviewing your records, so I know something about your previous history...you were found clinically infertile a couple of years ago?"
I nodded. "As a result of tests I was subjected to, yes. I've been infertile for quite some time."
"Well, Dana, all the tests we performed have the same conclusion. You're expecting."
I placed my hands to my cheeks then, still unprepared to hear those words, or any others that referred to my new condition.
"I take it you haven't been trying to get pregnant?"
"No, I haven't. I have a high-stress job, and I'm not married...but this is a most wonderful surprise. I was told that I would most likely never be able to conceive, and that the small chance I had was slim to none."
She smiled at me. "We can do a few more tests to make sure everything is all right with the baby...because I can assure you, there is no question. You are pregnant."
"That's exactly what I was going to request. I'm assuming that I'm about six weeks along?" I sighed and smiled, too incredibly happy to think of much else. Mulder still hovered in the back of my mind, though.
"An amnio will pinpoint the actual timeframe, but that sounds about right. We'll have to wait a few weeks before we can perform one just yet. We can do a few others to at least give you some peace of mind until it can be performed. I'm assuming that, as a doctor, you know the risks that come with some of these tests, but I need to go over it with you anyway..."
After a little more discussion, followed by my request for an immediate DNA test, she left and sent a nurse to prep me. Now, I sit here, reveling in the knowledge and relief that the results of the tests have brought. I'll have to wait a bit longer for the DNA results, though. But for all appearances, there are no alien babies, no sickening thoughts of more violations. I am going to give birth to a healthy baby boy. Mulder's son is growing inside of me, and the feeling this knowledge brings blights out all others for the moment. No question, no doubt to haunt the waking hours of the next few months - I know for certain, because I feel it in my heart.
Because some of these tests run a minor risk of miscarriage, Dr. Goodwinn has advised me to remain here for a few days. Now that she has assured me that the amnio will probably only confirm what we already know, I can rest at ease. I have to try and get my strength together for my baby. That's impossible for the moment, though. Mulder is somewhere, anywhere but where I need him to be right this moment. I hope that he's all right, safe and comfortable, but knowing what it is to be in the clutches of those beings and the people they collaborate with, has me in hell.
I can't do anything but sit here and dwell on his disappearance, but this train of thought is going nowhere fast. I stare at my hands and go over every possible method I have of finding him. My mind won't cooperate, though, and tears start filling my eyes for yet another time. Already, I miss him so much that I can't stand it. But if I let myself cry, I'm scared I won't be able to stop. I let myself drift into an uneasy sleep to try and ease the pain.
X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
"I'm pregnant." My voice is filled with the wonder and hope that I felt when I first heard the news.
Skinner's face collapses into a strange, sad smile. "Are you absolutely certain of this?"
I nod. "The tests that they're doing now are only confirming what we're sure of already. An amnio is scheduled for a few weeks from now."
"Scully, at a time like this, I'm not sure whether to tell you how happy I am for you, or how very sorry...I guess it would be an insult to ask who the father is..."
I give him a strange look. Skinner doesn't miss much, and I was sure he'd have noticed a marked change in the way Mulder and I behaved around each other.
"I guess we hid it well..." I trail off, not sure what else to say.
"Scully, I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what, through this time. We *will* find him."
"I'm going to do everything I can, sir. I won't let him slip away without knowing this." I gesture at my middle as my voice breaks. Tears start streaming down my cheeks, completely beyond my control now. The storm I feared earlier is about to reach it's full potential. Skinner sees the tears and wraps me in a clumsy embrace. I lean into his shoulder, and the downpour begins.
"What am I going to do without him?" I whisper the words, too afraid to hear an answer. Skinner strokes my hair tenderly as I sob, and suddenly, I want my mother.
"Sir - sir..." I try to get a hold on myself so I can talk.
He pulls back a little. "What is it?"
"Would you do me a favor and call my mom? I need her to be here..." I'm surprised at myself for needing anybody. Usually I see it as a sign of weakness, but now in my weakest of moments, I don't care who sees. I can't care.
"Of course." He steps into the hallway, pulling out his cell phone on the way out. I wonder if I should be surprised that he doesn't need me to tell him my mother's phone number, but the thought leaves my head as quickly as it comes.
The tears have worn me out, and by the time Skinner returns to my bedside, I'm drifting off again.
X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
"Dana?"
I grudgingly open my eyes, but am quickly relieved to see my mother's face hovering over me.
"Mom..." I struggle to sit up, and she and Skinner lend a hand.
"I, um, have some people to contact to start the search, so I'll be out in the lobby if you need me..." Skinner picks up his briefcase and leaves us in privacy.
As soon as the door closes, my mother is in a near panic.
"Dana, what happened? Are you all right? What search is Walter talking about?"
"Mom...oh, Mom..." I start crying again, and she comes to sit next to me, wrapping me in her arms.
"Shhhh....hon, what is it?" Her voice and touch are soothing, and I wonder if my baby will draw similar comfort from me when he is troubled. Her fingers brush across my neck. "And where's your cross?"
"Mulder. I gave it to Mulder..." I murmur. "Mom...they took him from me...oh God, they took him away from me..."
"Who? Dana, what happened?" she repeats.
"*They* did it...the same people who took me..."
I take a deep breath and try to tell her a little about the events that led up to his abduction, sobbing the whole time.
"Oh, God...Dana, I'm so sorry..." She hugs me closer.
"The UFO didn't want me...it was him they were really after, and...and..." I sniffle, not wanting to continue. "He wouldn't let me go. He thought they were after me..."
I'm curled up, with my head nearly in her lap by now. "But Mom, that's not all," I whisper. I look up at her, and am surprised to see the fear in her eyes.
"Dana, why are you here?"
I sit up slowly. "While we were in Oregon, I started having dizzy spells. When we came back, they kept up, but nothing major. I chalked it up to jet-lag. But when me and the Lone Gunmen were going over the abductee files, I passed out. They took me here, the doctors ran some tests, and...and..." I stop, an uncontrollable smile flashing across my face. "Mom, I'm pregnant."
Her eyes widen. "What? Are you sure?"
I smile and nod, completely amazed that I can go emotionally from one extreme to the other.
"Oh, Dana...!" Her surprise and sheer joy are more than evident in her reaction, and I know that my being a single, pregnant career-woman has not yet crossed her mind.
"So you see why I have to find him, now...he's going to be a dad...and I'm finally, impossibly, going to be a mom..."
She hugs me tightly to her. "Dana, God, I'm so happy for you...but you're absolutely sure of this? I couldn't stand the thought of anything going wrong, or - "
"Mom, don't worry. I had the doctors do every possible test that can be done for now. This baby is healthy, and it's Mulder's..."
She smiles broadly. "That boy had better get home soon. He couldn't possibly miss this, not for the whole world...I've always thought of him as a son of mine, and now I have an even better reason to think so..."
This starts my tears again. "What I wouldn't give for him to hear you say that..."
"He will, hon. Someday, he will."
X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
"No...NO!"
I rocket into a sitting position and look down. There is blood everywhere, all over my bed, soaking through my underwear and running down my legs. A sharp pain fires across my middle, and I realize that something is wrong...something is incredibly wrong.
A tall, shadowy figure stands in the doorway to my room. As he steps inside, I see that it is Mulder, a silent, motionless baby laying in his outstretched arms.
My heartbeat quickens as I leap out of bed, completely disregarding the blood. My eyes and thoughts are only for Mulder and the baby, and the closer I try to come to them, the more they seem to disappear.
I sink to my knees, tears streaming down my cheeks, screams rattling in my throat.
"Mulderrr!! NO!"
Suddenly, I'm back in bed, and someone is shaking me.
"Dana? Dana!"
I open my eyes. My mother's hands are on my shoulders, and Skinner is running into the room. Two nurses are close on his heels. One of them gently guides my mother away, as the other immediately begins checking my vital signs and pulse.
I struggle to sit up and move away. "I'm fine...I think I'm all right...it was just a nightmare..."
"Dana..." My mother pipes up, standing off to the side in Skinner's arms. "We could hear your screams all the way down in the waiting room..."
I look down. My hands are wrenched in the bedsheets, and I somehow managed to kick them out so that they are now tangled around my legs. But there is no trace of blood anywhere, much to my relief, so I sigh and lay back again.
"I'm sorry for frightening everyone...I hope I didn't disturb too many patients..." I look at the clock hanging above the doorway, and I'm surprised to see that it is nearing two in the morning.
The nurses shake their heads and tell me to relax, no one was bothered, everything is fine. They leave after double checking my pulse, but my mother and Skinner linger for a few moments.
"Hon, do you want to talk about it?"
I shake my head slowly. "I don't remember too much...there was a lot of blood, and Mulder was standing in the doorway, holding a...baby out to me...but I couldn't get to them...I think all the blood was what scared me so badly..."
"Oh, hon...don't worry. Everything's fine, the baby is doing well, and all you need to do is relax now."
Skinner agrees that I should try to calm myself down and get some rest. I'm scheduled to leave the hospital within a day or so, and even though my mother is temporarily moving in with me, they both want me to regain some of my strength and rest while I'm here. I agree, mostly to assuage them, because I'm pretty sure that any sleep I get in this night will now be uneasy and broken. My mother leans in to kiss me goodnight, and she and Skinner leave, closing the door behind them.
I toss and turn for the rest of the night, too frightened that the next time I wake up, the blood will be real.
X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
Four Months Later
X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
I lean back and rub my eyes. I've spent countless hours going over the files that Mulder created during my own abduction, trying to apply his methods of finding me to finding him. So far, switching the roles seems to be a good route, and I've picked up many bits of information regarding his whereabouts as I've gone along. I pick up the daily journal that I've begun and start a new entry:
'The boys have managed to log onto several government servers and utilize their tracking systems, which has narrowed the search to Bellefleur and Death Valley. Both areas have reported heavy activity in the skies lately, and we feel that these are the two most likely places for another landing...
Mulder, every day I notice a new change. The baby has begun moving, restlessly at times, but usually nothing more than a flutter. I'd give anything for you to be here to experience this. It's only a little over five and a half months, but already you can see the noticeable curve of our child. He's strong and healthy, like his dad. I feel you in my heart, and I know you're coming home soon. I'll be there with open arms. I will find you.'
I'm noticing that this is becoming more of a long letter to Mulder than a log of our daily efforts to locate him. That's fine with me; this is just a record for him to read when he returns.
I flip backwards in the book and stop at a random entry. It is the one I wrote about my horrible nightmare, the day after it recurred for the third time. I start to read, then stop. I don't want to think about that right now, especially since the scare we had a few weeks ago. It was a week or so after they performed the amnio. I started spotting, and didn't think too much of it, since it's a normal occurrence in most pregnancies. But then I felt the hot, jagged slice of pain cut through my belly, and had my mother rush me to the ER.
Thank God I got there when I did. They stopped the early labor, and the spotting, and everything has been going smoothly since then. But I'm still being incredibly careful, since everything had been running smoothly before the incident as well. I work from home now, mainly because the memories of the office are too much, and also because there is a stressful touch to any office, but one in the FBI has double the usual quota.
I rest my hands over the pronounced curve of my abdomen, dreaming up my life after the baby is born. The amnio and the DNA tests have confirmed everything, much to my relief and happiness. This child is perfect, and he is Mulder's...
After Mulder comes home, we'll have a home...the baby will grow in love, with his two parents together and content...
The ringing of the phone cuts into my daydreams.
I pick up on the second ring. "Scully."
"Dana?"
"Hi Mom."
"Dana, listen to me. There's some big news, but I don't want you to get overexcited or too worried, either. They think they've found Fox..."
I nearly drop the phone, my hand trembles so badly. "What? Where?"
"On the fringes of Death Valley...a hospital called about five minutes ago, with an urgent message for Walter...they said a man came in about half an hour ago, matching Fox's description."
"Oh my God...How is he?"
"They said he's fine. He collapsed as he walked in and they said they've come to agree that it was due to utter exhaustion, minor dehydration, and a slight case of heat stroke...physically, there is nothing else wrong with him."
"I want to get out there immediately. Has anyone booked a flight out there?"
"Frohike is calling as we speak. I'm on my way to pick you up, then we're all meeting at the airport."
"Okay, I'll grab our bags..."
We hang up, and I shove back my chair, racing to retrieve the bags we have packed and ready to go. There's one for me, my mother, and one for Mulder. I pace around the apartment, not knowing what else to do with myself. Then I remember the journal that is sitting open on my desk. I want Mulder to read it when he's able, so I open my bag and shove the book inside.
Ten minutes later, my mother arrives at the door to help me with the bags. I lock the door, and we're racing downstairs to the car. It's twenty minutes to the airport, the flight will take about four hours, and my stomach is jumping in nervous anticipation.
X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
As we climb out of the rented car, I turn to Skinner.
"Here we go..."
"Scully, I want you to relax. This may not be him, but it's too much of a coincidence to ignore. Just keep that in mind."
I nod, and we all head to the front entrance of the ER. My mother squeezes my hand as we walk through the door, and Skinner and I head to the desk, badges in hand.
"We were contacted in D.C. about six hours ago...a man matching the description of a missing agent was brought in?"
"Oh, yes. Come with me." The nurse gets up and heads down a hallway. "Besides his clothing, there were no other personal items found on the man, except for this." She hands me a white envelope. Nestled inside is my cross pendent. My mouth goes dry as I hold it up, stare at Skinner with wide eyes, and practically run down the hallway after the nurse.
We arrive at a small private room. A long figure is stretched out on the bed, nothing visible except for the top of his head. I cautiously walk to the bedside, and my heart soars when I see his handsome face, relaxed in sleep.
I draw in a sharp breath. "Skinner, it's him...oh my God, it's really him!" I gently pull the blanket back and reach for Mulder's hand, bringing it carefully to my lips, wary of the IV that is attached to his vein. The nurse, seeing my 'condition', brings a chair over to the bedside, and I sit down, glancing at her gratefully. The tears have already started streaming down my cheeks. I didn't realize how unsure I was of finding him until this very moment.
"Skinner, could you get my mom and the guys? I know they're probably dying of suspense out there..."
"Of course. I'll be right back..."
I look at Mulder again, and reach up to move a piece of hair that has fallen over his eyes. As I do so, his eyes flutter open, and after a moment of confusion, they darken with clarity.
"Scully?" He whispers my name in the quietest of tones. I think it's the most beautiful way I've ever heard my name said.
"Mulder," I begin, and then I start crying again.
He sits up slowly, rubs his eyes, and grins. Then he opens his arms and I fall into them, never wanting to move again.
"My God, I thought I'd never see you again..." I sob the words out as he strokes my hair.
"I've missed you so much, Scully...you look more beautiful than I could ever imagine..."
I continue crying as I sit there next to him, wrapped in his arms. His hands begin wandering, caressing my back, and running back around my waist. He stops abruptly as he feels the gentle swell and he pulls back to look me square in the face.
"Scully...?"
I nod. "Hey, Daddy." Then I smile and give him a little laugh.
He stares at me, dumbstruck for a moment. Then he grins and plants a long kiss on my lips. I kiss him back with everything that's in me. My mother, Skinner, and the boys decide to walk in at just that moment. We break away, sheepishly, but I don't move from his side, even as my mother is rushing up to embrace him.
Always the joker, he greets her with "Hey, Grandma!"
She smiles broadly and wraps him in a tight hug. "Fox, we haven't rested a moment since you were taken...I'm so glad to see you safe!"
He smiles, kisses her cheek, and looks past her shoulder to see Skinner and the Gunmen standing there with huge grins on their faces. They all welcome him back, and after we all talk for a while, they decide to leave and give us some time to talk alone.
As the door shuts, I turn back to him. "Mulder..." I breathe heavily, trying to keep the tears at bay.
"Shhhh..." He leans in and kisses me again and again. "God, I've missed you...missed this..."
I lean into his shoulder. "Me too."
"We're going to have a baby..." His voice is filled with the same wonder and incredulity that my own held when I first repeated the words.
"In about three and a half months, we are..." I smile again.
"I love you so much, you know that?"
"I love you too, Mulder..."
I begin telling him everything, starting with the day he was abducted, and how I came to find out that we're having a baby.
"We're having a boy?"
I grin and nod. "Yes." I reach for his hand and place it over my stomach. "That's our son moving around in there..." To see the look of wonder on his face is worth all the pain and fear that the past few months have brought.
I get up to retrieve the journal that I packed. As I settle myself next to him on the bed again, I hand it to him.
"Here. I've kept this since day one. I figured you'd want some kind of account as to what was going on around here...and a journal about the baby, as well..."
We lean back, his arm around my shoulder, and begin reading. I hold his hand with one of mine, the other resting securely on my middle. The three of us are together again, just as I've dreamed. I can wait to hear about his experiences. For now, I just want to revel in this moment with him. Nothing could be more perfect than this.
End!
