After all, I believed my job on earth was to procreate and be a pleasant sexual diversion to hard-working men.
- Margaret Trudeau Kemper

The Course will include lectures on the following topics:

) Baldness and its effects on the male psyche.
2) GI Joe and how it has corrupted male children.
3) Angry white males - the discriminated against majority.
4) Coping with superiority - our relationship with women.
5) Hiding superiority - our relationship with women. (part II)
6) The Money Tree - forking over alimony payments.
7) The Tree Runneth Over - avoiding alimony payments.
8) Understanding cosmetics and how a woman needs them.
9) How bodybuilders are giving the "average guy" a bad name.
10) How fat couch potatoes are giving the "average guy" a bad name.
11) Raising children in a modern society - how not to spank the brats.
12) Violence against men- the unresolved issues.
13) Learning to cry - a special 3 hour seminar on showing emotions.
14) Loving your spouse - knowing the proper flowers to send on any occasion.
15) Lying like a pro - how to keep your marriage after the affair.
16) Lying like a pro - how to keep your mistress after the affair is known to all.
17) Age and the midlife crisis - how to afford the motorbike you always wanted.
18) Age and the midlife crisis - how to pretend you are still sane.
19) Age and how grey hairs are a sign of maturity. Special lecture on toupeees and how to wear them also.
20) Impotence and the fragile ego - a very sensitive documentary (6 hours).
21) The vasectomy (snip, snip) - destroying the myths around it.
22) The vasectomy (clip, clip) - how the vet does it (3 hour film).
23) The vasectomy (rip, tear) - how you will pay for the therapy afterwards.
24) The child - accepting that your son is not you.
25) The child - accepting that your daughter is definitely not you.
26) The child: learning s/he is not growing up like you did when you were a child.
27) Children - why they will not have to walk ten miles to school in the snow.
28) The job - how to avoid coming home for the first 5 yrs. of the child's life.
29) The job - how not to make your spouse jealous of your co-workers.
30) The second marriage - how to make it last.
31) How to date when you are eighty.
32) The male at work - how to cope with dominance by inferior females.
33) The male at work - how to avoid rape charges by co-workers.
34) The male at work - how to resist the urge to rape co-workers.
35) How to flirt with someone other than your wife and not feel any guilt.
36) How to flirt with someone other than your wife and fake guilt when caught.
37) Balancing the books - how to cope with your wife's overspending.
38) Balancing the books - how to hide your occasional night on the town.
39) Living in sin - coping with common law relationships.
40) The inheritance - how to convince her that you didn't marry her just for it.
41) The will - how to cheat your unfaithful wife out of any of it.
42) The burial - how to make it cost her a fortune.
43) The autopsy - how to make sure she gets caught for your murder.
44) Your children - how to make them blame mom for your ills and turn her into an emotional wreck.
45) Religion (the afterlife) - how to convince Satan you were a good person.

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
- Lily Tomlin