The Joe Brown Story





Ah yes, the Joe Brown story. Well, the whole story starts with my good friend Jon Premo and I. That is us pictured at the top of the page. Yes, Jon may looked possesed, but believe me; he is normal (sort of). Well, I believe this story begins on a sunny Saturday morning in July.......

Jon and I were going to Illinois for 11 days to rest, relax, and visit with the relatives. It was to be an exciting trip. This was Jon's first ride on a train. Everything was to go well. It was to be fabulous. Well....sorta...

We boarded the train from Dearborn, Michigan (the home of the world's biggest pigeons) at exactly 7:19 am. We found seats rather easily and were enjoying the ride until about halfway through our journey.

We approached Battle Creek, MI only to find that the tracks were blocked due to a fire at a tire factory. Boy, did it smell. We were stranded there for a few hours were we had nothing better to do except play Magic; the Gathering. The worst part is, none of the games were decent because Jon's theme deck "The Gangrel" was really, really, horrible. It makes me cry.

Well, after we got back on the train, Jon had ran into a little bit of a problem; Jon had to eat. He had brought little money and a big appetite. We went to the food car and I ordered a beverage. The male Food Car conductor seemed to take a particular liking to Jon. When Jon proceeded to order the "Big Beef Polish Hotdog" the conductor looked at him and said, "Oooh I love it when they say the full name. Same it again for me.". It seemed that Jon had made a "special" friend. heh heh.


When using Amtrak, be sure to try one of our Big Beef Polish Hotdogs made from 100% pure beef. If that doesn't satisfy you, feel free to sample one of our UnHoley bagels. It puts the demon in you.
Well, we finally got to Chicago after a very long trip. We got off the train and then sat down to think up a plan of action. We new we had to take the Metra to Park Ridge but we weren't sure where the Metra Building was. We wandered around, called gramma and my mom, and got a quick bite to eat. After that, we went to a booth called "Metra Tickets" hoping to find where the metra was. We asked the man where the building was and he told us. We went outside and the only thing that happened was we ended up giving some homeless lady $5.

We went back inside and asked the man again. He told us again so we went outside. We were on Jackson Street. We looked around and noticed a strange little man walking up to us. He was a short black fellow wearing a RiverSideValet shirt. This is where the conversation commenses:

Joe Brown: "You boys looking for the Metra Station?"

Us: "Yeah, we're kinda lost."

Joe Brown: "Well boys, lemme tell ya, I'm taking ya to the metra station. You know why? Because my name is Joe Brown and I'm a good guy. Thats why."

Us: "Ok"

So as we walk, this peculiar fellow is talking about himself and how great he is. We are grateful for him taking us to the station but his story's are a little hard to believe.

Joe Brown: "So....you boys sailors?"

Us: "No, we're not sailors."

Joe Brown: "Then you boys must be students, right?"

Us: "No, we're not students either"

Joe Brown: "Heck, you boys ain't no older than 18, is ya?"

Us: "Thats right."

Joe Brown: "Well, lemme tell ya; I've shown alot of people around Chicago. Show all sorts. And they think I'm a good guy. They tells me 'Joe Brown, you is a good guy'. There was dis one time some lady got outta a cab and he was gonna charge her $15. I went up to her and I says 'You gimme $5 and I will go find a police officer. This man is a cheat. You know how I know? Because I'm Joe Brown, I'm a good guy'. And you know what? She tipped me well."

So, we arrived at the Metra Building which turned out to be the CityBank building. (we didn't know). As we are walking, we come across a garbage can with a glass of water on it. It is filled with bugs and cigarette butts. Joe Brown looks at us and says: "You see this? This is good water" He picks a bug out, looks at it, and downs the water in one gulp. Disgusted, we continued our walk. He took us where we need to go and even fended off a man trying to sell us fake tickets. We thanked him by buying him dinner. You know how we did that? We "tipped him well". That was the last we saw of Joe Brown but he is a man we will never forget. He holds a close place next to my heart and I will always remember him.

The trip was an interesting one. Soon, I will have more of our trips' stories including "The Water Boys", "The One-Legged Beach Chicken", "Downtown Chicago vs Small Town Illinois" and a personal story of mine; "The Incident at Camp DeSalles". I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading.

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