"Lothos and the vampires his servant Amilyn created out of Hemery students attacked the night of the sophomore dance. I took out Amilyn, while Pike and the kids in the gym staked the vamps that went after them."

"Lothos?"

Buffy looked beyond him, and her face grew blank.

"I ran back toward the gym as fast as I could, but I could hear him behind me. He was moving too fast to be just running. Pike and Andy unbarricaded the doors, and I was almost there when Lothos caught me. He slammed me against the lockers, and one sprung open. Some kids' pencil case fell down and broke. I tried to get up, but my feet slipped on the pens that fell out. I reached down with my hand and shoved them out of the way as Lothos came at me, then I sprung to my feet and pushed" and Buffy thrust her arm forward as she spoke "my arm out."

She laughed, but it wasn't a happy sound and said, "I'll never forget the expression of Lothos' face when he looked down and saw the eraser poking out of his chest."

"Eraser?" Angel said, astonished. "Buffy, are you telling me that you staked a 800 years old vampire with a pencil?"

"Uh huh." Buffy told him, her face going blank again. "It's funny, but Lothos' expression…it was almost like respect. He said 'Merrick was right, you are a resourceful woman' and he slid down the lockers on the other side. He sat there for a second, and turned to dust. I just sat there, staring into space, until Pike and Andy came to help me up and back into the gym."

"What happened then?"

"Well, all the kids had gotten out, but there was a bunch of staked bodies lying on the ground. I wasn't sure what that meant, but it couldn't be good. So Pike and I burned the bodies and the gym went with them. Twelve and half dead, the news reports said afterward. You'd think with all that, they would have pretty much ignored who burned the gym down."

"That's how you got kicked out of Hemery." Angel said.

"Yeah. Andy let it slip to my mom that Pike helped me, so she made a bunch of going to the police noises and Pike had to bail. I still get postcards every so often."

Angel looked into her eyes, and said gently "You never told me what exactly happened to Merrick."

Buffy's voice was dead as she continued "After Pike and I got untangled, I heard Merricks' voice and I came running. I stopped in my tracks once I saw who he was talking to. I'd never seen Lothos, but I recognized him from the dreams of the other Slayers. Merrick tried to make me go, but I couldn't move. Pike came roaring up on his motorbike. He shouted at me to get on, but I just stood there as Lothos came closer and closer.

"Then I saw Merrick pull out a revolver, and shoot into Lothos' back. He turned around to face Merrick, and I could move again. I jumped onto the motorbike, and Merrick stared at us for a second. As Pike peeled out, I could hear Merrick say 'You'll not have this one, not this time.'

"I couldn't hear anything else for a few seconds. I remember burying my face in Pike's back as I heard the last gunshot, and I knew that Merrick was dead…"

Buffy stared straight ahead, eyes wide and empty as she continued "It was my fault, I'm the reason he's dead."

Angel closed his eyes for a second, realizing at last why Giles had called him.

"Buffy, do you remember what I said that night at The Bronze, when you came to kill me because you thought I had attacked your mother?"

"You said a lot of things."

"I said that I killed my family, and I did it with a song in my heart. When Darla changed me, we killed everyone in my home village in a single night. I murdered my whole family and drained their blood in less than ten minutes. I can remember standing in the house as it started to burn, with their bodies around me and their blood on my hands and clothes and in my throat, and I laughed." Angel turned his face to look at Buffy and told her "I know what it's like to be responsible for the death of someone you care for. I'm telling you, you may feel like you are but you're nowhere near it. Grieve for Merrick if you want, Buffy, but don't feel guilty for his sacrifice, feel grateful."

Buffy stared into his eyes, tears streaming down her face, and confessed to him "Merrick died to save me, and I never once told him thank you. I never said I was sorry!"

As she started crying in earnest Angel, with the strength and grace only a vampire had, reached over and swept her up into his arms then sat her across his lap. Buffy put her head on his shoulder and sobbed as he held her close and rocked her until she had cried herself out. When there were no more tears left Buffy raise her head and spoke to him softly.

"Thank you."

Angel kissed away the marks of her tears and said quietly "That's what the people who care for you do. Whether they're living or dead."

FEEDBACK!

Go here for more of Lady Raven's stories.