Where Memories Lead:
Taking Chances
by Gem

Part Two

The white light was blinding. Buffy shielded her eyes as she was thrust through a seemingly solid wall into the glare. She staggered slightly, then regained her footing as a voice called to her from beyond the curtain of spots shimmering before her eyes.

"Why have you come before us, Slayer?"

"And what have you brought us?"

Buffy slowly lowered her hand and focused on the two golden beings standing in front of her. They wore togas, and each one was liberally adorned with leaf tattoos. They also looked really annoyed.

Well, that made three of them.

"I'm here to get something you took from me."

The female turned away, clearly bored already. "We have no need for what is yours. You waste our time. Go away now."

Buffy took a few steps closer to the Oracles. "Hey, you're immortal, and I have a high risk job. If anyone should worry about wasted time, it's me."

"Then go live your pathetically short mortal life. It does not affect us." The female had stopped moving, but she was clearly poised for departure.

"I don't buy that." Buffy looked sharply at the male Oracle, who seemed to be paying her more attention. "If my life didn't affect you, you wouldn't have granted Angel's request to give up his humanity for me. I don't see either of you as the romantic type."

"What's done is done, and may not be undone." Now the male seemed to be retreating, while the female was growing interested.

Buffy dropped her head, wishing with all her might that they were wrong. "I know. But you still have something of mine, and I want it back."

"Why have you come here?" the female repeated.

"I want to remember the day you took from me." She looked beseechingly from one to the other. "I need to remember it, and you're the only ones who can help me."

"Ridiculous!" The male Oracle turned to leave. His mate held up a hand to halt him.

"Why?" There was no arrogance, no condescension in her voice, just gentle curiosity.

"Isn't the fact that they are my memories enough?"

The silence was her answer. Buffy drew a deep breath. "Because when you reset time, you didn't erase everything that happened. I'm pregnant."

"Impossible!" The male Oracle shouted it, while the female just breathed it, but they were equal in their disbelief.

Buffy began to pace. "Well it may be impossible, but it's true. He was human for the first time in two centuries and we weren't really thinking about precautions. I mean, we're used to worrying about demonic possession, not runaway sperm."

"But to have survived the renewal of time...this child must have some special purpose. Is he a Warrior?"

Buffy glared at the male Oracle. "She might be, for all I know. You're the omniscient ones."

"But why do you come before us? What can your memories do to change what has happened?"

This time the female Oracle joined Buffy in a look of disgust at male density. "It won't change anything," Buffy replied with thinly veiled impatience. "But I think I have a right to remember how my child was conceived. Up until today, I didn't even know who the father was. I haven't exactly been running for Miss Congeniality the last two months, and with the millenium coming in a few days...believe it or not, a time warp is kind of a comforting explanation."

"We have no time for human emotions. Accept your destiny and guard what has been given to your care." Both immortals seemed to have lost interest at this point, and after the male finished speaking they turned their respective backs on her.

Buffy darted around in front of them. "I don't really care what you have time for. Like I said, I'm the only one punching a time clock here, and I'm willing to stay until I give birth on your togas if necessary. Give me back my memories."

The female sighed and looked at her mate. When he remained uncharacteristically silent, she turned back to Buffy.

"What have you brought us?"

"Well, I wanted to go with a stuffed animal, but Angel insisted on something breakable." Buffy pulled a small Waterford crystal candy dish from her backpack and handed it to the female.

"He is wiser than you," she responded dryly, cradling the dish.

"The jelly beans were my idea. Now what about..."

There was a whoosh, and the blinding light returned. Then there was darkness.

"Buffy?"

The voice that called her out of her daze this time was a familiar, and beloved, one. She opened her eyes and realized she was standing in the chamber outside the Oracles' domain, with Angel's arms wrapped tightly around her.

"Buffy, are you okay?" His voice was rapidly changing from concerned to frantic.

She shook her head to clear it. "I'm fine, a little dizzy that's all. I just need to..." She started to push herself away from the shelter of Angel's arms, then collapsed against him as the memories washed over her.

Kissing on the beach while the sunlight poured down on them. Making love on the table because they couldn't wait a moment longer, then the table breaking under their combined weight. Eating ice cream in bed. Falling asleep in Angel's arms, feeling utterly safe and loved.

Fighting the Morah demon to save Angel's life. Holding his battered body in her arms while he asked if she was okay. Clinging to him with all her might, fighting to keep these memories she was now reliving.

She remembered it all.

"Angel," she whispered, looking up at him through tear-wet lashes, "how could you stand it?"

He didn't say a word, just gently guided her head to his shoulder and held her close.

She struggled against him, unwilling to let him take it all in for her again. "How could I forget? How could you let me forget?"

"It seemed like the best way for you to go on with your life." Angel sighed and released her, sensing there would be no way to soften the blows this time.

"Without you."

"That's the way it would have been before that day. I only put things back the way they were."

"But not the way they were supposed to be," she insisted. "The Oracles told you it was meant to be, even if they weren't expecting it. How could you throw it all away?"

He flinched at the anguish in her voice. This was the moment she was never supposed to face.

"You were in danger, and I was no good to you as a human. I couldn't even protect myself, forget helping protect you."

"I see." Her voice chilled slightly. "You left me six months ago because, as a vampire, you felt you didn't fit in with my 'normal life.' Four weeks ago you left me because, as a human, you felt you didn't fit in with my 'slayer life.' I just can't seem to catch a break with you."

He tried to reply, but she wasn't ready to let him explain yet. Or maybe she just wanted to clarify exactly how much he had to explain.

"You know, with all these new memories I've got in my head, I'm still not forming a clear picture of you discussing this with me before you made your grand gesture. Now am I historically challenged, or did you make this decision alone?"

"I didn't know they would reverse time," he replied softly, not quite answering the question.

"But did we even discuss you becoming a vampire again, however they might have rigged it?" She was fighting to hold on to her anger, in favor of another waterworks display. It was difficult to do so, however, in the face of...his face.

"No," he admitted, looking steadily into her hazel eyes. "I knew you'd try to talk me out of it, but your life was at stake! I couldn't risk that. Nothing means more to me than you."

"And nothing means more to me than you." Buffy's voice softened. "But like I told you, you have to stop doing this, Angel."

"Doing what?"

"Shielding me." She placed a gentle hand on his cheek, remembering the feel of it warm against her palm. "Willow thinks it's because of the age difference, sort of a daddy thing. Giles thinks it's because you were born before the Revolution, and I don't just mean the sexual one. But I know it's more than that, because we both do it. We have ever since...ever since you came back from hell."

She tried to walk away so she couldn't see his face when she mentioned their terrible past, but he wouldn't let her go. He held fast to her arms, keeping her within the shelter of his body.

"Why is it wrong to want to protect you?"

"We're protecting each other instead of trusting each other," she said as she struggled against the tears. "We used to share all our decisions, but since you got back we've both felt so guilty about the way we hurt each other, neither of us can see straight. You spend all your time trying to make amends, while I wake up night after night wondering if Acathla would have been satisfied with the blood on the sword instead of you." She wrenched away at last, spinning to face the wall while she tried to regain some control over her emotions.

He let her go this time, too stunned by her revelations to restrain her. "Buffy, I had no idea you still..." he began.

"Still what?" She whirled around to face him, tears streaking down her cheeks. "Still felt guilty for sending the love of my life to hell for a few centuries? Surprise! I will always feel guilty for that, even though I know I can't change what I did, and I honestly don't know if there was another way. And you will always try to make up for things you couldn't help doing, even though most of the people you're trying to make it up to have been dust for centuries."

She came to him again, wrapping her arms around his unyielding figure. "Our guilt has made us prisoners, Angel. We tried so hard to protect each other, so we'd never hurt each other again, that we built a wall between us. For one night, we dropped that wall. We forgot all the pain, all the guilt, and we just loved each other. Why did it take you having a heartbeat to make that happen?"

He slid his arms around her at last, resting his chin on the top of her head. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I never meant to imply I didn't trust you, Buffy. I guess I spent too much time thinking about how I'd destroyed your trust in me."

She sighed and snuggled her face against his chest, letting the first bit of her tension drift away.

"That's my Brooding Guy. Always first on the bus for a guilt trip."

They were both silent on the drive back to Angel's apartment. The talk in the antechamber had cleared the air a little, but there was still so much to explain, so many memories to be shared now that she knew the truth. It was time to rebuild, but neither of them knew how to begin.

Fortunately, Cordelia had already decided to help break the ice.

Candles glowed in remote corners of Angel's living room, while soft music emanated from the CD player in the bedroom. There was a chilled bottle of sparkling water in a champagne bucket on the coffee table, silk scarves were draped on the curtain rods, and little sparks of light glanced off of the thousands of flakes of gold glitter confetti sprinkled on the carpet and furniture.

Buffy and Angel were stunned.

"It's really..." Angel was at a loss for the right descriptive phrase.

"Arabian Nights," Buffy finished for him. "Welcome to the Kasbah." She suddenly started to laugh. "You do realize you're never going to get up all the confetti, don't you?"

Angel began to laugh as well. "You're the one who wanted to meet the Oracles now you can glow like one."

It wasn't much of a joke, but their overwrought nerves didn't require much. They laughed even harder and clung to each other for support. Suddenly the laughter stopped, but the clinging did not. They gazed intently at each other, relearning features and expressions, memorizing every detail before their lips met in a kiss.

When the kiss ended, many minutes later, Angel drew back enough to allow her to breathe. Not so far he couldn't feel that breath on his face, though.

"I'm sorry I spent so much time pushing you away and building walls," he said softly, brushing a lock of hair back from her cheek. "Baby, there's something else I need to tell you, in the spirit of honesty." He was almost scared to tell her, for fear she would be angry he'd waited this long. He hated himself for his caution when he saw the fear flare in her eyes.

"Angel, wait," she said quickly, laying two fingers lightly across his mouth. "Before you say anything, I have to tell you why I came to LA."

He shook his head. "Sweetheart, it's okay. I'm not..."

"Angel, please!" She pulled away from him in her anxiety, only holding on to his hands to keep him still. "I don't blame you for being nervous after the way I let you have it back there, but I need to tell you this before I lose my nerve."

He studied her intently, then nodded and pulled her to the sofa. Once they were seated, he placed one arm firmly around her shoulders and slipped his free hand into hers.

"Go ahead."

"I needed to talk to you about something really important, something I couldn't talk to anyone else about. And it turns out you really did hold the key because of the whole Oracle thing, which I really wish I would have known about because you wouldn't believe the things I've been imagining..."

"Buffy."

She smiled apologetically. "Babbling, I know. Sorry. It was the time warp, you see. You were human, and then you weren't, but while you were we...and you would think it would have been reversed, but the Oracles said there must be a reason or a purpose, and please God don't let it be because she's a Slayer or anything because I don't want..."

"Buffy, sweetheart, what the hell are you talking about?" Angel had pulled away from her so he could face her directly, trying to make some visual, if not aural sense of her nervous ramblings.

"A baby. We're having a baby." She didn't quite dare to look at him at first, but when he didn't say anything immediately she risked a sidelong glance.

He looked only slightly less surprised than when she ran him through with a sword and sent him to hell.

"That's impossible," he whispered at last.

"Okay, I'm really tired of immortal beings telling me what is or is not possible." She jumped up and began to pace, wildly swinging her arms. "I mean, my best friend, or one of them, used to date a werewolf. The other one is currently dating a girl who watched Dick Clark ring in Y1K. I myself once spent a few hours as a rat, thanks to another friend who still is one. And you, my love, are a vampire." She stopped in front of Angel and began poking his chest to emphasize her point. "A 245-year-old vampire."

"Two hundred and forty-four this April and you know it," he countered quickly. "But I get your point. Are you sure?"

She nodded, trying to read his expression. "Positive. Both me and the blood test, actually." She saw the question forming on his lips and saved him the trouble. "There was an outbreak of hepatitis at school. Never hurts to be cautious. After all, I don't really want to be mistaken for an Oracle." She regretted her flip tone when she saw the immediate concern on his face.

"Are you okay?" He gestured towards her abdomen. "Both of you?"

"Right as rain." She felt a little guilty for her misleading explanation, but there really was no need to tell him that she found out as the result of an HIV test Riley asked her to take before they had sex. Considering her brief fling with Parker, and Parker's brief flings with the half of the female students, it was not an unreasonable request. It was not, however, one she wished to share with Angel, especially since her test results made Riley a non-issue.

"Meanwhile, I still don't know how you feel about all this." She rejoined him on the sofa, but at a distance.

He slid across the sofa, closing that distance. "Buffy, I feel...I honestly don't know how I feel. I'm in shock."

"Well try not having sex for two months and finding out you're one month pregnant," she replied indignantly. "Talk about shock...and talk about talking about things I never meant to talk about." She sank into miserable silence when she realized she had exposed the full extent of her college experiences.

"I knew about the other guy." He placed his fingertips under her chin and gently lifted her head to face him. "Spike told me. It doesn't matter. What does matter is how you feel. This is an awful lot to deal with."

"I know. And when I was thinking this was some sort of Slayer meets the Apocalypse deal...but it's not. It's you and me and the chance we never thought we'd have. I know the timing's not great, but this is our only shot at the brass ring, Angel."

"But you're so young," he protested. "I left so you could experience all the things a normal girl does at college. I wanted you to have a real life."

"And I will. We will, I hope. I'm kind of scared, and I'm not sure I'm going to be any good at this mom stuff, but I want to try. You know, this does happen to other people too. It's not some sort of freaky hellmouth special."

"You'll make a great mom." He smiled slightly, picturing it in his mind. Buffy with a child in her arms. His child. Their child. Suddenly reality intruded and spoiled his beatific vision. "But what about me? I'm still a vampire, Buffy."

"Well duh! You're still a vampire, I'm still a slayer. We still have loads of issues to work through, like that rotten overprotective streak we've both got." She looked away momentarily, then drew a deep breath and continued. "And of course we still can't have sex. But in spite of all that, I love you more than I could ever imagine loving anyone. You feel the same way, I know you do. We'll work out the details somehow."

"But..."

She waved her hand in the air majestically, brushing away any pesky real-life considerations. "No more buts. Blame it on the hormones if you like, but I'm suddenly feeling very optimistic."

"So you want..." He didn't even dare to say the words. She was offering him everything he had ever dreamed of, and nothing he had a right to ask for.

"I want you. Always you. And I want this baby. I want us all to live happily ever after together,not in the mansion, with as few extracurricular demons as possible. Now if that's too much to ask..." She started to rise from the sofa, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her down on his lap.

"I don't know why, or how, this all happened, but I won't let go of you this time. There has to be a reason for everything happening at once."

She stroked his face before leaning over to kiss him. Her lips were just millimeters away from his when his words struck her.

"What everything? And where were you earlier when Cordy wouldn't tell me? And why did you mention Oz and Anya?"

He couldn't help the grin she didn't miss a trick. "I went to Sunnydale to ask them to translate the curse for me. A friend told me I got the unleaded version this time, and I needed to be sure."

She wrinkled her brow in confusion. "Unleaded? I don't get...the clause!" She couldn't believe her ears. "You mean there's no happiness clause?"

He shook his head. "For whatever reason, the curse Willow used, the one Jenny translated, doesn't have any loopholes like the first. I'll never be human again, but I'll never be...him either." It was the pledge he never thought would be his to give. Yet somehow, miraculously, it was the truth.

"Then there's nothing standing in our way anymore. We can be together just like we were always supposed to be." The glow in her eyes was far brighter than the light from the Oracles' portal.

"What about the age difference? And we live in different cities now, one of us would have to commute. And there's also your mother. I don't think she likes me." Now that he was so close to his dream, Angel was a little scared of his success. Maybe this was, once again, too good to be true.

"Angel, I can't help the age difference," she said patiently. "You'll just have to deal with having a child bride who will eventually look old enough to be your mother. And I'm willing to transfer schools. It's not like I'm dying to raise a baby on a hellmouth. But my mom..."

He looked up at her with such hope, such boundless faith in her ability to make his world right.

She smiled weakly at him. "Just don't take it too personally if she goes a little heavy on the garlic in the New Year's Day lasagna, okay honey?"

He groaned and buried his face in her neck.

She patted him sympathetically on the shoulder. "I'll take that as a yes."

-The End-
(of The Beginning)

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