From: <JEhrat2@aol.com> Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1998 16:35:21 EDT Subject: A Crying Shame Part 7/16 TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat@aol.com) PART: 7/16 RATING: R DISCLAIMER: See part 1 FEEDBACK? ---xxxxx-- He was too late. He could see by their faces they already knew. Both of them had dried tear tracks down their faces as fear had gripped them when they had heard the news. Scully's driver's license had been in her purse when he kidnapped her. Now Seigler not only knew who Scully was, but where she lived. Margaret Scully accosted Mulder at the door. He had never seen her angry at him. "You promised Dana would be safe now. You promised Matthew Seigler was behind bars and would stay there!" Her voice was filled with her unresolved anger and fear for her daughter's life. Mulder would not defend himself. He let her shout at him and point her finger in his face. "You said it would be all right now! Well, it's not all right now! He is out! How could you allow this to happen?" "Mother!" Scully's voice could be heard above Margaret's. "It's not Mulder's fault the judge gave in to Crowley's arguments. Yelling at Mulder will not change anything!" Well, she's definitely feeling better, Mulder thought to himself! Margaret Scully knew her daughter was right, but she needed to vent her anger at someone. She knew it wasn't right to blame Fox either, not really. He was just convenient. She also knew he would let her. "Fox," her voice lowered several octaves. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just, just," she couldn't finish as tears fell from her eyes again and she leaned against him. She needed Bill, Sr. here. She needed Dana's father's strength to get through this. She just couldn't do it on her own. Since his death a few years ago, she had tried so hard to be strong for Dana. Her daughter was too precious a possession to let go without a fight. Mulder encompassed Maggie with his strong arms and tried to comfort her. "It's all right. I understand. It's OK to be mad at me. I make a great target," he smiled lamely. After a moment, Margaret composed herself and stepped back, wiping her face with the back of her hand. She went to find some Kleenex in her purse. Mulder walked further into the room and stood by Scully's bedside. She didn't look any better, but he noticed the IV was gone, and she was sitting up in bed, more or less on her own. She was definitely regaining her strength. She had certainly regained her voice! Mulder tried to make light of the moment and break the tension. "Well, I see you mixed up the colors in your make up today. You have that rainbow effect." Scully smiled. She knew she looked terrible. She had been to the bathroom and nearly screamed when she saw the reflection in the mirror and realized it was her. "Yeah, well, I'm trying out some new shades for Revlon this week," she kidded back. She, too, wanted to make her mother relax some. But it was time to get down to business. "Are you ready to check out of here?" Mulder asked. "More than ready, but the doctor hasn't been around yet to release me." Margaret interrupted, "You can't go home now. He knows where you live. You are the only living witness to his actions." She was not going sit back and listen to these two without interjecting what she felt were important safety factors pertinent to prolonging Dana's life. Scully looked at Mulder. "Well, I can check into a hotel for a while until I am rested up and then we'll figure out what to do next." "No, you are coming to my apartment," Mulder stated flatly. He doesn't know you are associated with the FBI, and he doesn't know about me. Your mother can stay with you during the day, and then I'll be there at night. We'll figure out the best way to protect you in the next few days. Maybe we can figure out a way to get his bail revoked, or get more concrete evidence to put him back behind bars." Dana and Margaret couldn't think of an argument against his idea, so it was decided upon and implemented by noon. ---xxxxx--- Fox was back at his desk after settling the Scully's into his apartment and doing a little grocery shopping to restock the kitchen. He had smiled to himself when Margaret had entered his apartment and seemed surprised to find that he really did have a bedroom. "Dana said you always sleep on the couch," she had commented. "I thought you had an efficiency apartment." In fact, he had a rather nice bedroom. It had practically never been used. The sheets were fresh, and he got clean towels out of the closet for Scully. He had left the two women there, vaguely wondering if he would find his apartment rearranged when he returned. He just hopped he didn't find a frilly shower curtain in his bathroom when he got back. He turned his attention back to Seigler. He decided to get Williams on the phone to discuss the possible actions he could take. He knew he had to be tactful since he wasn't assigned to the case. He didn't want to rile Williams or undermine his authority about the case. "Det. Williams," Mulder heard the now very familiar voice answer. "Hello, this is Mulder again." Williams tensed slightly. This couldn't be good news. This man was off the case, but wasn't going to leave it alone. "Yes?" Williams was noncommittal. "I was wondering if you had any ideas about how to get Seigler back behind bars. I'd like to help." Well, he sounded reasonable, Williams thought. Not high strung, or vengeful. Still, be wary, he thought to himself. "Not at the moment. Unfortunately, the case is pretty much out of my hands, and I have sixteen other homicides on my desk waiting for action. Unless Seigler breaks bail, or evidence that isn't circumstantial comes to light, there isn't much I can do." Mulder knew he was right. But he had an idea. "What if Agent Scully could ID him? The only reason we have circumstantial evidence is because Seigler killed all the other witnesses, and he wasn't actually on the tapes he made. I can see why the judge would rule his being in the area and owning the building was circumstantial. "I'm sure we can link him to the crime through hair and fiber and other samples we have once they are run through and processed. But that could take more than a week. He could kill another woman by then. Maybe Agent Scully's eyewitness account will hold him until the crime lab can nail him. "I know she hasn't given her statement to you yet. She was discharged from the hospital this morning and is at my apartment. Why don't you send an officer around to take her statement. Maybe she can convince the judge to revoke bail with her ID of him." Williams rubbed his chin as he thought through the process. It was possible with further evidence the judge could rescind his previous decision. What the judge really needed was evidence to convince him Seigler wasn't just in the area by coincidence. It was certainly worth a try, and it might end up saving another woman's life. "Yes, I can do that. I wasn't aware Agent Scully had gone home yet. I had planned to send an officer by the hospital this afternoon to see if she was up to giving her statement. Give me your address and I'll send someone around in about an hour." Mulder spelled out his street name and apartment number, thanked Williams for his help and after hanging up, immediately called Scully at his apartment. Margaret answered with a very quiet, "Hello?" "It's me, Mulder" Relief filled her voice. "Yes, Fox. Did you want to talk to Dana?" Mulder considered this for a moment. Then he answered, "No, I wanted to talk to you. A police officer is coming to my apartment in about an hour to take Dana's statement. I know this is going to be very hard for her to relive the whole thing so soon. But I'm hoping she can help the judge decide to change his mind about bail for Seigler. "I'm going to call the Bureau's physiologist, Karen Kosseff, and have her come over, too, to be with Dana when she gives her statement. I just wanted you to know that people would be knocking on my door soon, and that it is OK to let them in." "Thank you. Yes, I am glad to know in advance when to expect someone," Margaret said. "Will you be coming?" Mulder closed his eyes to consider this. He really hadn't decided what he should do. He wanted to be there to support Scully, but he knew she wouldn't want him to be there. She would want to feel in control, but she wouldn't be able to while retelling her horrible ordeal, he knew. "No, I don't think Dana would want me to be there. I'm afraid it would make her feel self-conscious." He added, "But if you think I should come, I will." Margaret agreed with Mulder's reasoning, "No, I think you are right. She will be humiliated enough in the retelling. To tell you the truth, I don't think she will want me there either." Mulder nodded his head in agreement on his side of the phone. "It might be a good time for you to go home and gather some of your and Scully's things then. She will be safe with Karen and the officer until you get back." It was settled. Margaret hung up the phone. Now all she had to do was tell Dana. She hoped her daughter was up to it mentally. She didn't really know. They had purposefully avoided speaking about the case. Maggie didn't want to push Dana. She was a very private person and would only withdraw. When Dana was ready, she would sit her mother down and tell her what she wanted her to know. "Who was that on the phone?" Dana's voice interrupted Maggie's thoughts. She turned to face Dana. "It was Fox. He said a Karen Kosseff and a police officer were on their way over to take your statement." Margaret's eyes were filled with compassion for her daughter. She didn't want her to have to go through this, but she knew she must. Scully's heart picked up it's beat. She knew she couldn't put off talking to the police much longer, but she wasn't sure she was ready to handle it yet, either. She was glad to hear Karen was on her way over. She had another thought. "Is Mulder coming, too?" She almost held her breath. "No," her mother answered. "He thought you would be more comfortable if he wasn't here." Dana nodded her head slightly, great relief rushing through her. Her mother went on. "In fact, I'm not going to be here either, Dana." She had walked over to put her hands on Scully's arms. "I don't think you want me here either, and frankly, I don't think I would be comfortable hearing the story right now." Scully's eyes began to glisten. Still her mother continued, "When you are ready, I know you will tell me about it. I want to be here to support you, as does Fox, but we both know that may not be what you would like. And we want to do what's best for you right now. You've told me a little about your previous talks with Karen. I think she is the right person to have with you now, for your sake. "I'm going to go and get some of your things from your apartment while they are here. Would you like to make a list of things for me to collect before they come?" Dana was so thankful for her mother's words and understanding at this moment. She slipped inside her mother's arms and they hugged for a long moment. No words were necessary between them. Then Scully broke the hug and moved to the desk to make out her list. ---xxxxx--- Karen arrived first at Mulder's apartment. But she was only there a few moments before the police arrived. Williams had sent an officer familiar with the case, Helen Bernaid to take Scully's statement. She had a male partner with her, Officer Dan Sturgis. When introductions had been made and coffee offered and declined, Margaret Scully made her exit, giving Dana another reassuring hug before leaving, and they got down to business. Helen brought out a tape recorder, paper and pen. Scully was a little surprised to see Karen pull a small tape recorder from her briefcase as well. "Dana," she began, "if it is all right with you, I would also like to tape the statement. Later, when you come to speak with me, I will already have all the information, and you won't have to repeat the most painful parts." Scully agreed. Karen turned on her tape and placed in on the coffee table in front of Scully. She and Scully were sitting on Mulder's couch. Officer Bernaid pulled out the desk chair to sit on, and turned it to face the couch. Officer Sturgis stood by the television set. He planned to be free to go into the kitchen or bedroom should Dana require some privacy. He tried not to stare at her, and affected as much of a non-intimidating posture as possible. His own sister had been raped several years ago, and he had an understanding of how fragile the female psyche would be at this time around a male. "OK," Helen said, placing her own tape recorder in front of Dana, "if you are ready, let's begin." They went through the usual routine first: today's date, case file number, location of taping, name, address, and place of work. "Now, Agent Scully, I would like you to tell us what happened the night you were kidnapped, starting with what you were doing a few minutes before it happened, right up until you were found. We will not interrupt you. If there are any questions, I will jot them down and after you have finished, I, or Officer Sturgis may ask you specific questions concerning parts of your statement for clarification. Is that clear? Do you have any questions?" Dana shook her head no. Helen added, "We know this is a difficult subject, and anytime you think you need to stop, just let us know and we will take a break. OK?" Dana was grateful for the considerations and gave a small smile that she understood and was ready to begin. Scully spoke continuously for about 15 minutes before she broke down and cried. Helen turned the tape off and asked Dan to get her a glass of water. Scully covered her face with her hands as she wept. She couldn't seem to stop herself from crying, no matter how much she willed herself to get control. Karen reached over and placed a consoling arm about Scully's shoulders. She whispered reassuring words to try and calm Dana, all the while glad that she had broken down. There was always a danger of people with extremely controlling tendencies to build walls or shut down completely when something happened outside their perfectly controlled life. That was never good. To see Scully crying her heart out, as sad as it was, would be healing in the long run, Dr. Kosseff knew. Helen went to the bathroom in search of Kleenex. Of course, none was to be found. She came back with a wad of toilet paper. "Men." she gently chided Mulder's lack of housekeeping skills. Dana accepted the paper gratefully and blew her nose. Helen realized she was going to need a lot more. She left again and came back with the whole roll and set it unceremoniously on the coffee table in front of Dana. Scully reached for it, throwing the used tissue in the waste basket by the desk. She dried her eyes, wiped her face, looked at Karen, and broke out in tears again. It was like someone had turned a spigot on inside her and she didn't know where the handle was to turn it off herself. Karen continued to talk soothingly to her, patting her shoulder and handing her more tissue. Meanwhile, Office Sturgis had placed a glass of water on the table and disappeared into the kitchen again. Dana was into the hiccup stage of her crying now. "I'm so sorry, I just can't seem to stop crying," she said trying to regain her breath, cry, and speak all at the same time. "It's all right," Karen said. "It's a good healthy sign. Cry all you want, get it all out. I'm sorry to say, you will probably cry many more times before this is all over. It's OK. Tears are good for us. They give a kind of cleansing that water just can't do." Dana began to feel relief coming. The crying was reducing the tension that had been building. Her mind gratefully acknowledged that her mother and Mulder had stayed away. She could not begin to explain to them the feelings of inadequacy, pain, humiliation, degradation and fear that overwhelmed her at times when she would think back on the last few days. Even in the short time she had been cognizant of her safety, she had begun to fear making decisions, even leaving the hospital. She didn't want to be out in the open. Little sounds made her jump. She now had a fear of the dark. These things confused her. She could rationally explain everything away to herself: there are no monsters in the dark, Seigler was not going to come here to get her, open spaces represented no danger. But try as she might, her mind would not accept these truths. She found herself shrinking away from people, even people she knew and loved. Finally, she felt composed enough to finish her statement, and said so. Wringing the wad of tissue paper between her fingers she picked up the story where she left off after the tape recorders had been turned back on. "And then, I remember waking up in the hospital with my mother there yesterday," Scully concluded her dissertation of the facts. "OK," Helen eyed her short list of questions on her pad of paper. They represented areas she wanted to go back to. "Do you want to take a break first, or finish up?" She looked directly at Scully. Helen herself just wanted to get this over with. She hated this part of the job. But knew it was necessary and imperative to actually nail the suspect. Dana wanted it to be over, too. "No, let's just finish up." She had stopped dabbing at her eyes as the tears had finally subsided and she had regained a small amount of control of herself. Officer Bernaid regarded her list again, "So, you are saying that you never actually saw your attacker's face. Is that correct?" Helen was almost crossing her fingers. If this was true, Scully's statement was not going to be much help in putting Seigler back behind bars before his trial. Scully shook her head. "No, he grabbed me from behind and knocked me out with chloroform. When I awoke, I had a blindfold on. I never saw his face. But I think I could recognize his voice." Helen hoped he had spoken to her a lot more than what was on the video tape. She knew Dana was not even aware of the tapes yet. It wasn't her place to inform her either. Her job was to just get the facts. "So, you don't know what kind of car you were put in, and you don't know where you were taken." "No," Dana answered softly. "Did he say anything to you that might help identify him?" Again, Scully answered, "No. He just insulted me and my gender in general. He did keep asking me who I worked for. I guess since I was wearing a wire, he knew he had been set up. Maybe that is why he didn't kill me." Her voice wound down to a whisper. A thought came to her. "What about hair and fiber samples at the apartment. Won't they match him to the crime scene?" she asked hopefully. "We didn't get much from the crime scene. Either he wasn't there long enough or he was being very careful, knowing he was being set up. He may not have taken the other women there, we won't know until everything is analyzed. But that takes time. We were hoping to get him back behind bars today with your eye witness account," Officer Sturgis offered up. Scully just nodded her head in understanding. She was very tired. "Is that all?" she asked quietly looking at Helen. "Yes, I believe that will do it for now. If I have any other questions, I'll give you a call. You should be expecting a visit from the District Attorney's office tomorrow. Your statement will be in their hands by then, and a lawyer will be assigned to your case. I am sure they will have a lot more questions for you." She stood up next to Sturgis. "Do you want us to stay until your mother returns?" Karen spoke up, "If you are comfortable with the idea, Dana, I will stay with you until your mother comes back." Dana just wanted to get rid of everyone and go to bed. This was a way to get rid of at least two people. "Yes, that's fine with me. Officers, it'll be OK, I'm sure." She looked at her watch. More than an hour had gone by, her mother would be back any minute. She stood up and walked them to the door. "Thank you," she said to them as they left. She didn't know why she was thanking them. It just seemed the polite thing to do. She turned back to face Karen. While on the one hand she desperately wanted to be alone, she was afraid at the same time. Suddenly, she was thankful for Karen's company. "Why don't you come back here and sit down," Karen indicated her old seat on the couch. Dana obediently did as she was asked. She looked down at her hands in her lap, waiting, knowing Karen was going to counsel her. "Have you told your mother or your partner any of your ordeal yet?" she asked softly. "No," Scully mumbled. "I just can't seem to face telling them. I know it will hurt them, too." "Do you know that they are already hurting, Dana?" Karen paused. "They are tip toeing around you, afraid to say anything, yet needing to know themselves what you have gone through." "I know." Tears were forming again at the corners of her eyes. "Do you know why you are afraid to tell them?" "Yes," her voice was high, like that of a child's. Karen waited. Scully would speak when she was ready. "Because I'm afraid they will think I have failed them in some way." "Are you aware that they think they have failed you?" Dana considered this thought. "Failed me?" she repeated. "I'm the one that allowed myself to be blindsided. "I'm the one that failed to keep the wire a secret so they could keep up with me. I'm the one that failed to get out of the situation. I'm the one that failed to see his face so that I could positively identify him. How in the world do they think they have failed me?" She couldn't image them thinking that way. Tears were sliding down her cheeks now. She was not on a crying binge, she was in control of her emotions. She just couldn't stop these damn tears from coming. "Your mother thinks she has failed to protect you. She is your mother, she thinks that is her job. By your shutting her out, she feels you are angry at her for her failing you." "That's ridiculous! She didn't have anything to do with it!" Scully looked up sharply at Karen. "Nevertheless, that is what it is like to be a mother, Dana. The job never ends." Scully considered this. "And your partner," Karen began. "Mulder thinks El Nino is his fault in some way," Scully almost snorted. "I told him before we started, he would not be responsible for anything that happened," Dana tried to explain. Karen let her vent her frustration at Mulder's acceptance of guilt before speaking. "Are you aware he feels responsible that you were kidnapped at all?" "He was only one of three agents watching me. He is not totally responsible," Dana repeated. "He thinks he is. He also thinks he is responsible for whatever followed because of his lapse in protocol while on duty to watch over you. "Do you know why he thinks that Dana?" Karen asked softly. Scully shook her head slowly, her auburn hair moving smoothly as well from side to side. "Because you haven't talked to him and let him in. He needs the reassurance that you don't blame him. He needs to know this is the bad side of your job, that he didn't cause it to happen." "Did he tell you this?" Dana's crystal blue eyes stared at Karen. "Not directly," Karen admitted. "But the signs are there. He w= ants to support you and be of assistance. But you won't let him in. Again, he feels it is your anger at him that keeps him at bay. "Is there another reason you don't want to talk to your mother or your partner besides the way you feel about failing them?" Scully knew there was. She just didn't want to admit it out loud. It made her sound so pompous and superior. Yet, she knew Karen knew, too. There would be no good in denying it. "Yes," she finally said taking a deep breath and blowing it out fully. The silent tears started again. "It's because I don't want anyone to know I am not in control. Because I don't want anyone to think I need them to lean on. I'm in charge of myself, and responsible for myself." She finished speaking. "Is that the way you want to feel and be?" Karen asked gently. "Is that the person you want to be? One that is totally self-dependent, and totally insulated from others? Needing no one?" "No," she sobbed, beginning to lose control again. She desperately wanted to confide in someone. She wanted to share the terror she had felt, to make her burden lighter. But her upbringing, her father, something more had been instilled in spite of what she wanted. "Only you can make the decision to open up, Dana," Karen was speaking again. "And when you decide to, there are people ready and willing to listen to you and take you in. But it is your decision." "What if they think I'm not a strong enough person for my job?" Scully countered with. "By 'they', do you mean your partner?" Karen asked pointedly. Scully didn't want to answer, but did. "Yes. What if I open up and confide all my demons in him. What if he thinks I am not fit for the job anymore? I don't want to undermine what I have accomplished in my career. This is a tough position, and I have worked hard to get it and to keep it." "Do you mean that you think your partner will think less of you if he finds out you are human, Dana?" The way Karen said it made her feel so stupid. But she was right. She was afraid of showing a human side, one that had failings, and fears. Karen continued talking. "Concerning competency on your job, I, along with others decide that. Your partner is only a small factor in that kind of decision. Your work, your results, those are what count. "The fact that you have a human side makes you even more valuable in this type of job, Dana." Karen tried to reassure her. There was a knock at the door just then, and they heard Margaret's voice from the other side. "Dana, it's me, honey, open the door please." "Coming, mom," Scully called as she stood up. Karen stood with her and began collecting her things. Scully opened the door and gave her mother a hug as she came in. Maggie could easily see Dana had been doing some hard crying. It made her appearance more haggard and weary looking. "Are you all right?" she asked carefully looking from Dana to Karen for confirmation. Karen strode past Margaret and Dana. As she was going out the door she said, "Yes, Mrs. Scully, I think in time, Dana is going to be just fine." Then to Dana she said, "Think about what we talked about. I'll be in touch with you again in a couple of days. Call me if you need to talk before then. Good by, Mrs. Scully." Karen shut the door behind her. "Really," Maggie said to Dana, "are you all right?" She was worried, Scully could tell. "Yes, mom, I'm fine." She paused only a moment, then added. "Mom, I think it's time we had a talk." After helping her put down the things Maggie was carrying, Dana led her mother to the couch. She wanted to be near the tissues, she knew she was going to need them again. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat@aol.com) PART: 8/16 Mulder's Apartment 7:00pm Mulder shut the door quietly as he let Maggie out. She refused to allow him to walk her to her car. She didn't want Dana left alone for a moment. Fox leaned his head against the door after closing it and tried to think. Dana had been asleep when he had come home laden with Chinese take out. He and Margaret had whiled away the evening with casual talk and dinner. Neither had mentioned the case other than Maggie assuring him the officers and Karen had been there earlier in the day to take Dana's statement. She didn't mention the talk she and Dana had, and Fox didn't mention the tape of Scully that he had seen. If possible, he wanted to spare Margaret and Scully that pain. He silently crossed over to his bedroom door and peeked in on Scully. She was still peacefully sleeping away. It was easy to see her, every light in the room was on, as well as the bathroom light. Scully had kicked off the covers at some time since the last bed check by her mother. Her back was to Mulder and he could see her shapely thigh and the edge of her pink panties. The tee shirt she was wearing for pajamas had ridden up as she had tossed and turned in her sleep. Mulder quietly stepped to the far side of the bed and carefully pulled the blue stripped sheets up to Scully's waist. She was deeply asleep and didn't even move. He squatted low beside his bed to unabashedly study Dana's face, something he could rarely do when she was awake. He noticed the still evident tear tracks on her face. They were partially obscured by a few errant strands of hair. He reached out his finger and gently swept the lock behind her ear, secretly reveling in the velvet softness of her skin as his hand grazed her cheek. Mulder had an overwhelming urge to climb in bed next to Scully and place his arms about her, as if that act alone would absolve him of his error. He wished it to symbolize the protection he wanted to offer her from the outside world, to ask for her forgiveness, to shield her from the hurt she had endured due to his failure. He wanted to shut out the pain and longed to be able to turn back the hands of time. But Mulder knew if he ever got that close to Scully, more might actually transpire, and he definitely couldn't take that chance. Instead, he turned away from Dana and walked out of the room. Mulder left the door slightly cracked in case she should call out, and went back to lie down on the couch. He turned the TV on but turned off the sound. He flipped constantly between a Bull's game on one station and a Knick's game on another. No matter how hard he tried though, he only seemed to see Scully's video tape before him. Even after falling asleep, the close up of her face at the end of the tape haunted him. Mulder's Apartment Thursday, April 22 6:15am When he woke up, the TV was off, and he smelled coffee. He checked his watch: 6:15am. Light was filtering through the window over his desk since he hadn't closed the blinds the night before. Sitting up, he dry washed his face with his hands. After surmising that he truly was awake, he padded barefoot into the kitchen. Dana was sitting at the small table, a cup of hot tea and the newspaper occupying her. She looked up as he appeared at the door. "Hey, sleepy head. I thought you were going to sleep the whole day away," she gave him a good morning smile. To help him wake up, Fox tried to open his eyes wider and breath deeper to fill his lungs with oxygen rich air. If Scully hadn't been there he would probably have raked his fingers up and down his chest and stomach as a further attempt to wake up. "Do I smell coffee?" was all he said. Fox was not a morning person, and therefore barely human in the early a.m., and certainly not before his coffee. After his run and a shower it was usually safely mid-morning, and a reason to be up, he thought. "Yep, I got your 'fuel' ready as soon as I got up." "When was that?" Fox crossed to the counter and poured a cup of hot, steaming coffee in his favorite mug and doctored it with sugar and cream. He had found out long ago that a little sugar helped the caffeine jump-start his system. He sat down across from her, trying to read the Sports section upside down. "Oh, about 5:00am, I guess," Scully answered. "I suppose with all the sleep I got yesterday, my system had enough and just woke up." "How do you feel?" Fox queried, looking her over at the same time. She had pulled on a blue cotton shirt and jeans, and had obviously fixed her hair and tried to work with her make up. However, her face still looked terrible, though most of the swelling was down. It was just a very colorful face! "You look great," he lied. "Liar," she retorted, smiling, but she did appreciate his efforts on her behalf. Fox shrugged noncommittally. At least he had tried to make her feel better. She continued speaking, "I do feel better, even though I don't look it. In fact, I think I am ready to go to the office today." Fox began to object. Scully's hand went up. "Mulder, I will go stir- crazy in your apartment if I stay here all day. I am fine physically. I might as well get my mind off things and get to work. I'll just go in and push some papers around. And since I will be in the office with you, mom will feel free to have the day off; you know she deserves it." Scully would say anything that might make Mulder agree pleasantly, even if it meant pushing this guilt button. She continued to speak so he couldn't interrupt. "So, why don't you go have your shower and change, and then you can drive me over to my place so I can change and we'll get on with the day." Fox recognized her determinedness, and decided to save any arguments he might have for future ammunition. He half snorted in compliance, shrugged his shoulders again, and finished off his first cup of coffee. He got up, refilled his cup and headed back to his bedroom to get ready. Forty minutes later, they were in his car heading her way. "And they say women take a long time to get ready," Scully smirked. "Well, if I didn't have to work around your make up and stuff all over the bathroom it would have been much faster." Fox touched the side of his face where a small amount of tissue clung. "Has it stopped bleeding yet?" he asked tentatively before removing the tissue without waiting for an answer. It started bleeding again. "Thanks for telling me you used my razor to shave your legs with yesterday *after* I started shaving," Mulder's voice dropped off in disgust. Scully was doing her best not to laugh out loud. "I'm sorry, but what did you want me to do, go around with a small forest on my legs all day?" She succeeded in stifling a giggle. She really was sorry, but he looked so pitiful, and put out. "Well, you don't have to worry about my stuff being in your way much longer. I called mom while you were in the shower. She is coming by and packing it all up and taking it home for me. I told her to have your building superintendent let her in when she gets there, and then I called him to let her know she was coming." Fox nodded his head. He had known she wouldn't stay long at his place, and in fact, was surprised he had gotten her to stay at all. She would do fine with her mother, and it would be easier on Maggie, too. He let the subject drop. FBI Headquarters 8:00am "Well, what is on the agenda today?" Scully asked as the elevator doors opened and deposited them both safely in the basement. Fox was fishing in his pocket for his keys to unlock their office door. "You know there is always paperwork hanging around to be finished, plus three new cases have come up. We can go over which one we want to pursue next." They entered the office and headed for their respective desks. Fox continued, "And then sometime this morning, I am off to see Det. Williams about Seigler, and I imagine the District Attorney's office will be round to see you about your pressing charges. "And if you get REAL bored, you can go down to the lab and watch them work on the samples of hair and fibers in the case and see if they get any match ups. The police did manage to get a hair sample and fibers from the clothes Seigler was wearing while he was in custody. I don't know about any blood, saliva, or semen samples." Fox paused and looked up from his desk at Scully. She, however, blushed and looked down at hers. He still didn't know exactly what had happened to her. The hospital had released her medical files to the police after the examination when she was brought in, but he hadn't bothered to request them yet. He was sure Scully would have told him the whole nightmare by now. He didn't think he would have to read about it, or see it on video first. He knew after talking to Karen Kosseff yesterday afternoon that Scully had broken down during the statement, but she had refused to give him any details, that damn doctor/patient confidentiality clause. He had hope to talk to Scully last night, but she had slept the entire time he was home. Karen had said that while she couldn't tell him what happened, he could always wait for the transcript, or go listen to the police's copy of the tape if he really felt the need. She told him she had encouraged Dana to talk to both him and her mother about her ordeal. She had also encouraged him to wait until Dana could talk to him herself. Fox didn't even know if Margaret knew anything. She had not even hinted to him about it last night. Scully could feel the slight tension in the sudden silence. She knew Mulder was waiting patiently for her to talk to him about Matthew and what had happened to her. It had taken just about all she had in her to tell the police, and then her mother. She had cried so hard again after telling her mother, she had gone immediately to bed and slept until this morning. But somehow, she felt better, knowing she had shared her burden with her mother, though deep in her heart, she knew her mother had been equally shattered about Dana's experience. Afterwards, Maggie had hugged Dana in such a death grip she had almost passed out. But she just couldn't tell Mulder yet. It was too personal, too fresh, too painful, too humiliating. She just couldn't. However, perhaps she could at least placate him and remove some of the tension. After a moment to brace herself, Scully turned her chair to face Mulder. Her eyes pleaded with him to understand her. If ever there was a time for their perfect, silent communication and instant understanding of each others thoughts and feelings, now would be a good time for it to work as smoothly as it had in the past. "Mulder, " her eyes began to shine just a little too bright. Mulder misunderstood and instantly thought she was going to share her story with him. He crossed to her immediately and squatted down to be eye level with her. His sudden movement startled her for a moment, and she involuntarily leaned back in her chair to put space between them. But she continued, "I want you to know that I am not shutting you out. I just haven't found the key to open the locked door between us on this matter." Her nose began to run and she sniffed. "I will tell you everything that happened, but not just now. I," she stumbled, "I just can't deal with it right now." She reached for a Kleenex on her desk and sniffed again. "But, I promise you, I will let you in." He had placed his hands on the arms of her chair to balance himself. She took one of his hands in hers. "But I want you to know without a shadow of a doubt, I do not blame you in anyway for what happened." Mulder's own eyes grew hard and he started to pull away, sure she was lying to him. "No, Mulder," she would not let go of his hand, "if you continue to pull away, and I continue to shut you out, things will never get better." He studied her bruised and battered face searching her eyes for the truth. He squatted back down. "Scully," he said softly, "You think you are telling the truth, but you don't know the truth." Mulder's eyes were filled with pain, "You don't know what happened. You don't know how I failed..." Scully wouldn't let him even finish the sentence. Shaking her head slowly from side to side while she put her fingers to his lips to keep him for saying any more she interrupted him, "No. Let's put an end to this conversation for now. The office is not the place to discuss this. I just want you to know that I am not hiding from you because of feelings of blame." She dropped his hand, removed her fingers and gently turned her chair toward her desk, forcing him to stand up to get out of the way. He agreed this was not the time nor place, so did not fight her once again. Their time would come. And he planned to make a full confession of his actions then and let the chips fall where they may. For now it was time for work. The day had gone by smoothly after that. Mulder had volunteered to retrieve lunch for them both. He knew Scully felt terrible about being in public with her face looking so grotesque. People naturally stared. After lunch, Joseph Leggert and Christine Fenny had arrived from the District Attorney's office to go over Scully's statement. Fox knew she would want privacy, so he excused himself. He left to go see Det. Williams. Mulder sought out the Detective and found him at his desk, as usual, doing mountains of paperwork, some of it was connected with Matthew Seigler. "Anything new?" he greeted Williams with. Williams sighed. He really didn't have time for this. But he certainly understood Mulder's concern for his partner, so he made time. He put down his pencil, closed the file he was working on and leaned back in his chair. He indicated Mulder should sit in the chair opposite his desk. "I've talked to Seigler's lawyer this morning. He's yelling to the high heavens. He says we have no evidence against his client. No eyewitnesses, nothing on the video tapes, including fingerprints, and hair and fibers hasn't gotten back with us yet on their findings." Williams sighed. "Actually, he's right." Mulder dropped his head back and rolled his neck from side to side in frustration. Williams continued, "He says just because a car like his was seen at the nightclub, and the fact he was driving around the area where the victim was found, and because his secretary said he got upset when his long-time girlfriend canceled their wedding, these aren't reasons to hold his client on kidnapping, rape, and murder charges." Mulder knew on the surface it sounded so circumstantial. He grasped at straws, "What about a psychiatric evaluation, will he submit to that? I'm sure his violent tendencies would show up and he may even slip and say something outright." "Why should he take the chance?" Williams countered. "It's up to us to prove his guilt, he's not going to help us prove it. We are just going to have to wait for the lab to do it's work. If this was the only case they had to work on, it wouldn't be a problem. Truth is, they are backed up. We have about three murders committed in DC every thirty six hours, not to mention the rapes, robberies and assaults. That's a lot of evidence to process though the crime lab. You know I'm trying to be helpful, I've even sent stuff over to your FBI labs for them to help process. How are they coming?" Fox had checked with them before coming here. They were backed up too, though he had their promise they would try to start on the case today. He answered Williams. "Same story you got, only we get more cases a day to work on than you." "How about the couple with that saw Seigler leaving with Scully at the club?" Mulder inquired. "Wasn't their description good enough to place him at the scene?" Det. Williams shook his head slowly. "Nope. When the artist finished with his sketch, it could have matched you or ten thousand other residents of DC. It just doesn't look enough like Seigler. They obviously didn't get a good enough look at him to be able to place him with Agent Scully." Williams sighed. He wanted to get back to his own work. Mulder looked at his watch. He thought he had about an hour left to kill before going back to the office. He wanted to be sure and give Dana plenty of time and privacy. An idea struck him. "Has Agent Scully's statement been typed up yet?" Williams gave another big sigh. This guy was just a glutton for punishment. If it was any other case, he would admire his go get'em mind set. But when a crime has been committed against your partner, the ruthless pursuit can eat at you like a cancer. It doesn't solve anything, it just makes you sicker. Especially if the criminal might get away with it. Williams opened his desk drawer and pulled out a cassette tape and handed it to Mulder. He looked at it. Dana's name and yesterday's date were carefully written in the area provided. Williams gestured to the same room they had viewed the videos in, "There's a machine in there you can listen to in private. A copy of the statement is somewhere in transit between the typist and the copy machine and the District Attorney's office. Agent Scully's file with the original is in Joseph Leggett's hands." "Yeah, I met him at the FBI office a while ago," Fox replied. "Thanks." He got up to move toward the small room. As Mulder moved away from him, Williams mumbled under his breath, "Don't thank me. After you hear that, you are going to hate yourself for knowing." Fox settled himself in the room. He shut the door and took off his jacket and placed it on the back of a chair. He sat down, placed the tape in the machine, turned it on and adjusted the volume. He leaned back and willed himself to remain calm. He heard Officer Bernaid identify herself and the others in the room, go through the date, location, and other routine case information. There was a short pause and then he heard Scully's voice. He was relieved to hear her start her story at the beginning of the evening, before they went into the nightclub, and tell the general plan first. He hadn't known if she would start with the kidnapping immediately or not. He had hoped not. He had wanted to work himself up to that, if possible. She spoke coolly and calmly for the first fifteen minutes or so. Mulder had loosened his tie, and his eyes were closed as he concentrated on her tone and her words. He began to notice cracks in her voice, and a hesitancy as she got to the part about needing to use the ladies' room. He noted she had mercifully skipped over the part about the blond Lolita coming on to him at the bar just moments before she headed to the rest room. He listened to her recite the chain of events that set off her terrible ordeal. When she had come out of the rest room, someone apparently stepped out from behind the open rest room door and placed a cloth soaked with a large dose of chloroform over her nose and mouth. She had not seen anyone in the hallway when she opened the door. She remembered trying to call out, to make some kind of noise to alert the agents listening in. But she couldn't, and in a matter of seconds, she felt herself go limp. At this point on the tape, Mulder heard her burst into tears. The sobs tore at his heart. Guilt swelled inside his chest making it physically ache. Mulder punched the stop button. He rubbed the back of his neck as he stood up a= nd paced the small room for a few moments. He breathed deeply, in, out, in, out, until he felt himself come under control. He thought he was prepared for this. He thought after all the years of listening to heart-wrenching victim's stories, after all the gut ugly things he had seen men and women do to each other, after the child abuse and murder cases he had worked on, he thought he would be able to handle this tape just as detached, though certainly affected and therefore motivated to catch the criminal, as he had in all the other cases. But he was beginning to think he couldn't do it. It was too personal, he was too close to the subject. You can do this, he told himself. This is for Scully, he reminded himself again and again. He tried to focus his thoughts, tried to emulate the very detachment he had often seen Scully bring to the surface whenever she did an autopsy; especially when she performed one on a child. He went outside and got a drink of water. He caught Williams watching him out of the corner of his eye. He didn't acknowledge him. He went back into the room, shut the door, and sat down as before. He hesitated for just a fraction of a second before punching the play button. There were a few more moments of Scully crying on the tape before he heard Helen ask her if she wanted a break, and then the click of the machine being turned off and then back on. Officer Bernaid's voice recorded they were back on the record again and Scully's voice returned. It was more confident, more controlled. She had obviously gotten hold of herself during the break. Mulder vowed to do the same with his emotions. "The first thing I remember is being very cold and it being very dark," Scully's story continued. "I tried to move, but found I couldn't. It took me a few moments to realize that both my arms and legs were tied to something, though I didn't know to what at first. "Eventually, I came to realize that it wasn't necessarily dark naturally, but that I had a blindfold on. As I wiggled around, trying to loosen my bonds, I could tell I was on something very soft, probably a mattress and sheets, and the reason I was cold was because I was naked." Scully paused a moment. Mulder could only guess whether she was crying again or trying to think clearly of what to say next. Then he heard, "I started screaming for help and demanding that I be untied, hoping there was someone nearby that would help me." The video images popped unbidden into Mulder's head as her narrative continued. He stared at the machine as she spoke, willing it to tell him what happened to her, yet dreading to know, too. "Then, I heard a door open and a man told me to shut up. I asked who he was, what he wanted, but he wouldn't answer. I started demanding to be untied and let go again even after he told me to stop. Then," a tremor crept into her voice, but she went on without pausing. Mulder knew what was coming next from having viewed the video. He could see it in his mind; he really didn't want to hear it again, but he had no choice. "He hit me. With his fist, I think," she added. "On my jaw. And he told me to shut up again. I was so stunned. I hadn't expected him to hit me, I guess. I remember asking him again what he wanted. He didn't answer any of my questions. I thought he had left, so I began struggling again to get away. "Then he yelled for me to stop again and I wouldn't. So he hit me in the face again. And the next thing I knew, he was hitting me all over. In my stomach, about my shoulders, in my face." The tape ran a few moments with nothing but silence. Mulder tried to imagine Scully telling this to the police. Suddenly, he was very glad he had not been there. He wouldn't have been much help to Scully as she bared her soul and emotions before others. She would have seemed naked to him all over again, humiliated. He felt he knew why she had not confided in him now. Scully's dignity was not to be overestimated. Some people prided themselves on their looks, or their intelligence, or their athletic ability. Scully's deep pride was being in control. Not controlling others. But in control of herself, level-headed in every situation. She would have been laid bare telling this story to others. He felt a new kind of hurt for her. Not sympathy, or empathy. He tried to identify it. It came to him; again it's name was shame. He knew now Scully was ashamed. Not in what had been done to her sexually, but what the maniac had been able to do to her mentally. He had broken her very carefully constructed shield that she used to keep everyone out. Even he was only very rarely allowed to see behind that shield, and then only on her terms, when she allowed it. This man had taken them from her and destroyed them, or at least put huge cracks in them. This is the part of Scully that would have to heal, he realized. Not the physical indignities done to her, but her trust in herself. She began speaking again. "I think I passed out, or fell asleep from the beating and the crying, I'm not sure which. Anyway, I was out for awhile. When I awoke, it was because I felt someone sit down next to me and shake my shoulders." Mulder's interest intensified. This information was not on the video tape. "He was shouting at me to wake up. But with the blindfold on, I guess he couldn't tell if I was awake or not. I tried to say something, so he would know I was awake, but my throat was dry, and I think my lips were cut, because I had tasted blood earlier. "I must of moaned or made some sound, because he seemed satisfied that I was awake and quit shaking me, which was good. My shoulders were already bruised and sore from his hitting me." Mulder could hear Dana take a couple of big breaths on the tape. He knew she was trying to steady herself for the next part. He feared he had better do the same. He turned the tape off for a moment and closed his eyes. He placed his face in his hands as they rested on the table. If he had known how to pray, he would have. He wanted to pray that what he was about to hear did not involve what he feared it must. He turned the tape back on. Silence. Then she began again. "He stared yelling about how women were tramps, how they were deceitful and manipulative. He said they didn't care about anything or anyone but themselves. He said we were all sluts and whores. And he was going to teach women in general, and me in particular, that we couldn't get away with it. "He ranted and raved about how we women try to dominate men and lord ourselves over them. But that men were supposed to be in charge, and that he was going to take charge of me and teach me who was to be obeyed and honored. "After that, it seemed like he stood up on the bed, and straddled my body. I felt pressure on either side of my hips and his voice came from above. He was telling me he'd show women that men were not to be treated like dirt, and they couldn't throw men away like old toys when they wanted. "Then he placed his feet inside my spread legs, and I heard him unzip his pants and felt them fall around me, though I don't think he stepped out of them. He kneeled down, and then laid on top of me." Mulder could hear her voice rising in pitch as she struggled to remain calm in the retelling of events. He on the other hand was anything but calm. His heart was beating wildly in his chest, he could almost hear it thumping outside his body. He knew what he felt and heard was the sound of his blood rushing to his brain from his heart's vigorous activity. Lying on either side of the tape player, his fists were tightly clenched. He strained to hear her words as her voice dropped dramatically in volume. He adjusted the volume to high. It did not improve much though, so soft was her voice. "I could feel his erection against me. I remember struggling, trying to get away. I still couldn't find my voice to tell him to stop. He just kept pushing at me until he finally managed to penetrate." TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat@aol.com) PART: 9/16 FEEDBACK? Lying on either side of the tape player, his fists were tightly clenched. He strained to hear her words as her voice dropped dramatically in volume. He adjusted the volume to high. It did not improve much though, so soft was her voice. "I could feel his erection against me. I remember struggling, trying to get away. I still couldn't find my voice to tell him to stop. He just kept pushing at me until he finally managed to penetrate." Mulder hit the stop button and stood up and kicked the trash can. It was all he could find in the room to attack. From outside the small room, Williams' head snapped up from his paperwork. He heard a gut-wrenching expletive come from inside the room. He rose from his chair, trying to decide what to do. Every person's attention in the main room became focused on the door to Mulder's room. They had all stopped talking. They quickly glanced at Williams to see if they should intervene. He decided to let Mulder alone and let him get it out of his system. "It's all right," he assured every. "Just leave the guy alone, and go back to work." He sat back down himself and tried to concentrate on his paperwork. Mulder's tirade went on a for several more minutes. Inside the conference room, Mulder looked for something else to smash, anything to vent his anger on. There wasn't much in the room to abuse except the table, four chairs, and the trash can. So he continued to beat the trash can to death, yelling epithet all the while, interspersed with Seigler's name. When his energy was spent, he sat back down. Sweat glistened on his forehead, and his breathing was ragged. Shit to hell, he thought, Seigler would pay dearly for this. He didn't care how long it took, how much it took, or what it took, even if Mulder ended up in prison himself for his murder, Seigler would pay for this with his life. Mulder could almost feel his hands around Seigler's throat, squeezing the very last ounce of life out of him as he begged for mercy. And it didn't scare Mulder at all that the sensation felt good to him. He finally was calm enough to continue listening to the tape. He was so emotionally drained, he just wanted to put his head down on the table and go to sleep. He steeled himself to hear more. He figured what could be worse? What could Seigler do to Scully now that would phase him? His fears had been realized. "He didn't try to kiss me, or fondle me," her voice suddenly became clearer and louder. He instantly recognized the clinical detachment she used to isolate herself from a situation. Somehow, deep inside her, she had finally found it. Perhaps because the worse she could have said was over, Mulder surmised. He certainly hoped so. "It certainly wasn't an act of love. It was definitely an act of power, of domination, as most rapes are," she continued. This man needs to feel in charge, in control of everything and everyone." She was leaning on the information from her psychology training now, Mulder recognized. "But something went wrong." Mulder had been staring dully at the wall in front of him. His head jerked to face the machine, and his eyes narrowed. He wondered what she would say next. What had gone wrong? "He suddenly went flaccid," Scully said. "I could feel it. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to remedy the situation." Mulder listened with fascination. "Unfortunately for me," Scully continued, "that only made him angrier at me, and women, I guess. He started screaming 'Look what you've done to me!' and things like, 'It's all your fault. Women are always trying to emasculate men', and other fault blaming things. "He worked himself up into such anger, that he started striking out at me again. Blows seemed to come from everywhere. I couldn't prepare for them because I couldn't see. I know my face was his favorite target. I remember screaming and begging him to stop, but he wouldn't. The beating seemed to go on forever. I don't know how long it was." Scully's volume was very soft again. He could hear the pain in her voice as she recalled the beating. He felt his eyes moisten with compassion for her and what she had gone through. He absently stared at the wall again as the tape played on. God, how much longer, he thought. Surely she was near the end. If the tape continued on the other side, he didn't think he would be able to play it. He suddenly didn't want to know any more. He was sick with what he had already found out. His chest felt tight, it hurt. The image of Dana's face zoomed in on by the video camera came forefront to his mind. He closed his eyes, unsuccessfully trying to shut out the image. The tape played on. "I don't know how long after the beating before he came in again. Since I couldn't see anything, I couldn't judge the passage of time very well, plus I slept off and on. I know he came in several different times after that. The first time he untied me and led me to the toilet. Actually he halfway had to carry me. I couldn't walk very well. After I used it, I heard him turn on the shower and he told me to get in. He told me to wash myself and I heard him shut the curtain. He told me not to take off the blindfold, and I didn't. I was afraid he might be watching, just waiting for me to push his buttons again." Mulder's mind was racing. No wonder there wasn't much physical evidence gotten from Scully. All fibers, hair, semen, or whatever, were washed away. Seigler was no dummy. "After I washed off, I turned off the water. He pulled back the curtain and handed me a towel to dry off with, then he led me back to the bed and made me lie down again. Scully's voice dropped again, "I remember asking him, begging him really, not to tie me up again. He just laughed at me and told me to shut up. I did as he said, because I didn't want to be hit again." Then Scully seemed to find another small pocket of resolve within herself and spoke up stronger. "Then he left. Like I said, he came back a couple of times, but each time it was more like he was just checking on me. He would just say things like this was all my own fault for not treating men more humanely, or for not being faithful to men, or other such gibberish." Dana took another deep breath, like it was the end of the story, and it was all said and done. But then she began speaking again. "After I went to the bathroom the second time and told him I was finished, I heard him yank open the door and start swearing at me. I didn't know what I had done to set him off, but I knew he was going to start hurting me again. I could hear it in his voice that I was to blame for something. "He started yelling, asking me how I told the police where I was. He demanded to know where I had hidden a microphone on me, or a homing device. I tried to tell him the wire was all I was wearing. That I didn't have anything else. But he wouldn't listen, he was just wild with anger and frustration. He kept yelling that he wasn't through with me, that he hadn't had enough time, and he wanted to know how he had been found out. "I can only guess that he saw the police outside from a window somewhere in the apartment while I was in the bathroom. Or maybe he heard a siren, or a police report on a ham radio. I have no idea what set him off. But he began to beat me again. I tried to protect myself, but I couldn't see. He hit me and punched me again and again. I felt blood on my lips, and kept seeing stars behind the blindfold he hit me so many times in the face and about my head. My stomach hurt from the punches." Mulder's fists were clenching and unclenching as he continued to listen, but he remained fairly calm. "Suddenly he quit hitting me. Even though it got quiet, I was afraid to take off the blindfold. He had told me not to. I thought he might really still be in the room watching me. I hurt so bad, I remember sinking to the floor and just crawling around until I found myself in a corner. I just huddled there, crying, and trying not to pass out. If he was really gone, I was going to try and find my way out. I didn't know how much time I might have before he came back, but I was loose, and I wanted to stay that way. "I was hoping the story about the police finding me was true. But I was afraid to call out, in case he was really still there, or nearby. I didn't want him angry at me any more. Finally, I remember becoming so afraid, that I just huddled in the corner, waiting for what would come next. I was too afraid to try anything on my own for fear that he was still there, just waiting for me to disobey him. "I guess that is how Mulder and the police found me. The rest is a blur of medics and doctors and the hospital. The next really clear image I have is waking up in a hospital bed with my mother present." The tape continued for a few seconds in silence, and Mulder realized that the end had truly and finally come. He hit the stop button. He sat back in his chair for a few moments, trying to collect his thoughts. Finally, he popped the tape out of the machine, stood up, and put his jacket back on. He looked over at the trash can, kicked and stomped into an almost unrecognizable hunk of metal. He left it where it was and went to return the tape to Williams, who was not at his desk. He placed the tape in the center of his desk and walked out to his car, and headed back to his own office. He drove slowly, his mind not really on the traffic. He got back to the FBI building on simple auto pilot and parked in the garage. He wanted to present a good front for Dana when he arrived back at work. He didn't want her to know he knew anything about her case until she was ready to reveal it to him. He knew that might be a very long time from now. He certainly understood her reluctance to discuss it now. He would not carry his emotions on his sleeve any more, or beg for her story. As the elevator deposited him in the basement, he took a deep breath, began whistling a nondescript tune and opened the office door. Scully looked up from her desk with swollen, red-rimmed eyes. He would have thought the swelling under her eyes was from her ordeal if he hadn't seen her earlier in the day. Must have been a rough time with the DA, he thought. He pretended not to notice. "Well, Scully, are you ready to call it a day?" He grinned at her as if all was well with the world. "I imagine you have given the citizens of this country enough of your time today. Besides, you are supposed to be on medical leave." He crossed to his desk as he spoke and began collecting files and stacking them neatly before placing them in a pile on the corner of his desk. They would be ready and waiting for him tomorrow morning when he came in. Scully was thankful for the suggestion, as she was more than ready to go home. The DA had wanted to go over and over and over her testimony. The constant retelling had thoroughly upset her. But what had upset her the most was hearing that there were video tapes of all the women Seigler had violated. Specifically, there was a video tape with her name on it! She couldn't believe it. She certainly didn't want to see it; she had already lived it. She was sure Mulder already knew about it. She knew how thorough he was being on her behalf in this case, and she knew he was in constant touch with the detective assigned to the Seigler case. She didn't really doubt that he had already seen it. She felt humiliated all over again. Scully didn't want anyone to see her ordeal, and how she had failed to overcome it. She had barely held her tears in until Leggert and Fenny had left her office. After they left, she had royally christened her desk with her tears of anguish and pain. She had only stopped crying a few minutes before Mulder had arrived. She was certainly grateful for that! She was definitely ready to go home, and extremely thankful it appeared Mulder wasn't going to question her about her afternoon. "Yes," she said simply and from the heart. "Let's call it a day." She stood up wearily, reached for her purse, and was heading stiffly and slightly bent over for the door before Fox even finished stacking his files. The lack of argument from her was not a good sign, he thought. She is exhausted in spite of the good sleep she got yesterday, he thought. He noticed she was beginning to limp and favor her left side. The soreness from the beatings was really beginning to set in. If she had asked, he would have been able to tell her from personal experience that the body usually feels the worst the third through the fifth day after a going over like Scully had received. He left his desk as it was and followed her out, turning out the lights, and locking the door. She was already stepping into the elevator when he caught up with her. They didn't speak during the trip upstairs, or walking past the security guards, nor all the way out to Mulder's car. He couldn't think of anything suitable to say, and she was too tired. Her limp became more noticeable the further they walked. He opened her car door for her, something he almost never did. She hated being treated as the "weaker" sex. But today she looked at him gratefully and got in. He firmly closed the door as she buckled her shoulder harness, and he crossed to the driver's side and slid in. After buckling his belt firmly, he started the engine and headed for Margaret Scully's home. "Where are you going?" Scully inquired. "Do you have an errand to run?" Mulder glanced quickly her way before turning his attention back to the traffic. "No," he answered slowly, uncertain as to why she was asking this question. "I'm going to your mother's house, remember?" Scully just wanted to sink into her seat and fade away. No wonder he had not argued with her this morning when she said she was going home. He thought she meant to her mother's house. She had meant her own apartment. This was going to be difficult. "Well, turn around and go back the other way," she said a little too curtly. "When I said I was going home today, I meant my home." She braced herself for the onslaught that was surely coming. "Scully," Mulder began, exasperation in his voice. "You are not going to stay at your apartment. Seigler is loose on bail, and he knows where you live. You are his only living witness, and therefore a target. You know that." His voice was firm now. "Mulder, take me home," she said emphatically. "I'm a big girl, and I have to go home sometime. Matthew Seigler has already robbed me of my dignity, but he is not going to rob me of my home. "Besides," she added, "I'm not as big a threat as you think." Mulder looked her way briefly again. "I never saw his face. I can't positively identify him." Mulder stole another sideways glance. This was new information. "You never even saw him at the nightclub before he kidnapped you?" "No. The DA showed me his picture today. Until that moment, I never had a face to put in my nightmares. Now I do," she added softly. She was quiet for a moment. "And I think we both know that he doesn't appear on the video tapes the police have either," she added softly. Mulder neither confirmed nor denied her statement. To do so would open another can of worms at this point. He continued to watch and respond to the traffic around him. Scully continued, "Anyway, he knows that, and if anything were to happen to me, he also knows he would be the first person to be suspected. He wouldn't risk it." Mulder had to agree, he would be way beyond foolish to hurt Scully at this point, especially if she really couldn't identify him. Still, lots of criminals did foolish things; that was how they usually got caught. But, there was just no way he was going to leave Scully alone tonight. What's the difference if she's at my place or I'm at hers, he thought. And this way, he wouldn't have to fight with her. "OK," he said, and began maneuvering to head back in the direction of her apartment. "I'll just stay on your couch tonight. I can..." But he didn't get to finish. "No!" Dana said, trying not to shout, but still trying to give the impression she was in control of the situation. "I don't want anyone there. I want to be in my own house, in my own bed, and start living my life again! I'll be fine." Mulder didn't see any room for argument. As a psychologist, he knew that it was a good sign that she was willing to even be alone at this point, and that she was being assertive, and trying to regain her life. On the other hand, he didn't like it that she was being assertive with him! He wasn't trying to control her, just protect her! "What will you do for protection? Seigler got your gun when he got your purse," Mulder pointed out practically. She didn't look at him. "While you were gone, Skinner OK'd it for me to requisition another one." She opened up her purse and pulled out her new gun for him to see. Mulder blew out a slow breath. There was nothing else to say, and besides, they were here. He parked the car and they got out. Mulder tried not to say anything as he watched her hobble slowly up the stairs. She would shoot him herself if he offered her a hand. He just walked behind her in case she should happen to lose her balance and start to fall backward. Mulder opened her door with his key. "Don't forget to call your super to have the locks changed tomorrow. Remember, Seigler has your key." He could see that Scully was still in a fighting mode. She was going to stick to it until she won, too. In spite of the anger and wrath he might incur, he went in before her and began inspecting her apartment room by room. Scully let him. She knew he would feel better and when he didn't find anything, it would make it easier to dismiss him and make him go home. She slowly walked into the kitchen intending to make herself some hot tea. Mulder thoroughly searched the living room, bedroom, and bathroom before coming back to the kitchen. Scully was taking her cup of heated water from the microwave and adding a tea bag as she headed to the living room to sit on the couch. The kitchen chairs would be too hard tonight for her body. She sank gratefully down onto the soft couch and began to unwind from the day. "Satisfied?" she asked Mulder as he came back from inspecting the kitchen. Mulder nodded his head slowly. "For now. But Scully, I really don't think you should be staying here alone for the next couple of days." "Get out, Mulder," she said unceremoniously. She felt like crap. While the water had been heating up, Scully had gotten two aspirin from her purse. She popped them in her mouth and followed them with a sip of hot tea. "I'm going to drink my tea, take a very long, very hot bath and go to bed. I'll call you in the morning, and we'll ride into work together. OK?" She closed her eyes, willing the aspirin to do miracles in the next thirty seconds. Mulder just stood there, staring at her. He didn't want to go. This was not right. He could feel it. "Bye, Mulder," Scully said without even opening her eyes. "Drive safely," she said, dismissing him. "Look, I'm going, but I want you to know it's against my better judgment. And I'm putting a call into Det. Williams, and asking him to make sure your street gets extra patrols. Then I'm going to call you when I get home to make sure you are OK, and then I want you to call me before you go to bed." He began moving toward the door. "And come lock up behind me," he added. Scully reluctantly opened her eyes, put her tea down on the coffee table and followed him to the door. Mocking him gently, she saluted him, and said, "Yes, sir." She tried to add a small smile. She was beginning to feel the return of a little normalcy in her life. "Call me, Scully, for anything that you think is odd." Scully didn't answer. "I mean it, Scully, call me," he said a little more emphatically. "OK, OK," she said, pushing him out the door. "Now go." He heard her lock the door and then turn the dead bolt. He tried the knob. Satisfied that she was locked in, and somewhat glad she did not have a first floor apartment, he turned and went down the steps and out to his car. Scully watched him through the window and actually gave him a little wave as he looked back up toward her window before leaving. She felt very much at peace. This was her home. As terrible as the ordeal had been, it was over. She had to regain her faith in herself. She had to regain her life. She would not let Seigler take anything more from her. She turned away from the window and went to draw a bath. She was glad she had thought to bring the portable phone into the bathroom with her. Sure enough, as she was relaxing in the tub, it rang. She didn't jump, she was expecting it to be Mulder. "Hello?" "It's me. I'm home. Are you all right?" "Yes, but I won't be if I drop this phone in the tub with me, so I am hanging up, OK?" "Wait!" Mulder called out frantically. "What?" she asked, impatience creeping into her voice. "I need to know if you have bubbles or not, so I can get the correct mental imag..." Scully hung up and put the phone back down on the floor mat. She leaned back in the tub and closed her eyes once again, a half smile played upon her face. Mulder never gave up, she thought. Mulder looked at the dead phone in his hand and shrugged as he put it down. It was very important to him whether to imagine her in the tub with or without bubbles. When the water grew cold and there was no room to add more hot water Scully regretfully decided to get out of the tub. She stood up carefully and opened the drain. As she stepped out, she noticed she wasn't as achy. Either the aspirin or the warm water was doing it's job, or perhaps both, she thought. She reached for a towel and began drying herself off. She caught a glimpse of herself in the full length mirror in her bedroom. She was not entirely surprised, or appalled. It was disheartening to see most of the colors of the rainbow splashed across her skin from top to bottom though. She examined her face closely. That was the most important. It was what the world saw. At least he hadn't broken her nose or jaw. And she didn't have a concussion and her skull wasn't split open. For those things she was very appreciative. She caught sight of her cross necklace on her dresser. She picked it up and carefully put it on. She had, of course, not worn it to the nightclub. She was glad. She probably wouldn't have it now otherwise. She never did find out what happened to her clothes or her purse. Apparently, Seigler had been smart enough not to keep them near him, or in the same apartment he held her. For him, the less evidence found near him, the better. She looked in the mirror again. She was still naked except for the cross. It laid just below her throat and gleamed as the light caught it. She let her eyes rest on it for a moment, her mind clear of thoughts. Then her eyes traveled down the length of her body as it was reflected in the mirror and came to rest between her thighs. Thoughts came unbidden to her of Matthew on top of her and her struggle to keep him from violating her, and then of her failure to do so. Her eyes began to moisten. Abruptly, she cut her thoughts off. "What's done is done," she said out loud. She continued speaking, "I can't change what's happened, but I will not let it rule my life," she said defiantly. She looked at her blue eyes. They were flashing with anger as she spoke. She wasn't entirely sure who she was mad at. She turned away from the mirror and put on her white silk pajamas. She washed off her make up, brushed her teeth, and then gave her hair a few strokes to smooth it down. She went out to the living room to check the locks on the front door. This is silly, she thought to herself, I know they are locked. But she checked any way. She turned out the lights in the kitchen and the living room. She looked out the window before closing the blinds tight. She was rewarded with the sight of a police car cruising down her street. Mulder, she thought fleetingly, and smiled. She went into the bedroom, and then into the bathroom. She retrieved the phone and pushed the speed dial button and then the number "1". In a few seconds Mulder answered. "It's me," she said. "I'm going to bed, and checking in with you like a good little girl." She gave a small grin. "I just checked out the window, and the police were going by, and I have checked the locks on the door," she paused a moment. "I'd like to go to bed now," and she wickedly added, "Mother, may I?" after the old children's game. She could almost see Mulder grin on the other end. If not for the serious situation, he might have even laughed a little. "Yes, you may," was all he replied. "Good night," she added. "Good night. Call me in the morning," he finished with before he heard her hang up. He looked at his watch. 7:30pm. She must be utterly worn out, he thought. He sighed. It was going to be a long night for him. He knew he wasn't going to rest easily. He really was worried about her. In spite of her logical arguments, in spite of the extra police patrols, in spite of her abilities and in spite of her gun, he was not comfortable. He looked at his watch again. He planned to leave his apartment about 9:00pm and drive over to her place and sit and watch. He didn't care what she said, he wasn't leaving her alone. As along as she didn't see him, he would be all right. He laid down on the couch, placed his arm over his eyes to shut out the light from the silent television, and tried to get some rest himself. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat@aol.com) PART: 10/16 Dana turned out the bathroom light and got into bed. She put the phone on the nightstand and reached up to turn off the bedside lamp. After snapping off the light, she laid her head on her pillow. She adjusted the covers and promptly closed her eyes. Thirty seconds later, her eyelids snapped open. Her breathing was coming in great gulps and fear stabbed at her chest. Her eyes began to moisten as she realized she couldn't make out the shapes in her room. In spite of the early hour, no light from the outside street lamps filtered into her back bedroom. She jumped out of bed and turned on her small lamp. She fairly raced to the bedroom door and turned on the overhead. She crossed quickly over the bathroom and flipped that light switch on as well. She was sweating now. Overwhelming fear had gripped her in the darkness. She felt like the blindfold was back on her and she was not in control. She was still rapidly breathing in and out. She ordered her breathing to slow down. She commanded her mind to get a hold of itself. I am safe, at home. There is no one here. She spoke these lines to herself over and over. Her brilliant, analytical mind knew there was nothing wrong, nothing out of place, nothing to fear. Her instincts panicked just the same. She reached for the phone to call Mulder. Then she made herself stop. Fifteen minutes later, the sweats were gone, her breathing was normal and she had logically argued with herself until she felt better. She turned off the bedroom light and headed for the bathroom. She changed her mind, and left that light on. She closed the door halfway and then got back into bed and once again snapped off the bedside lamp. She laid back stiffly on the pillows, clutching the sheets about her chest until her knuckles were white. She slowly and calmly talked herself into relaxing. Ten minutes went by before she actually felt the tension leaving her body. Suddenly, she stiffened again. She had heard a noise. She strained with all her might to hear it again, to try and identify it and place it in the apartment. She looked out the bedroom door into semi-darkness. The bathroom light afforded little reflective light past her bedroom door. She didn't hear the noise again. But she had to know. What had made that noise? It had sounded like something sliding across the carpet. She finally willed herself to turn on the lamp. Still nothing from the living room area. She slipped out of bed quietly, carrying the phone with her. She crossed ever so slowly and silently over to the dresser where her gun was lying. She swore her heart was beating as loud as a bass drum. The rush of blood to her ears kept her from hearing anything else. She took slow, deep breaths, trying to calm her racing heart and the pumping of her blood. Still no more sounds. Had she imagined the noise? She had to know. She couldn't go back to bed without looking out in the living room, but at the same time she dreaded it. With her gun in one hand and the phone in the other, she crossed the threshold of her bedroom door. She stopped there, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the semi-darkness. There was a little light that slipped through the blinds from the street lamps. After a minute her eyes had adjusted quiet well and she could make out everything in her living room. There was nothing unusual that she could see. She took a few steps forward and swung her head toward the kitchen. It was like her bedroom, set in the back of the apartment, and pretty dark. She wished she didn't keep her flashlight under the kitchen sink. She would move that little item to her nightstand starting tomorrow! As she crept toward the kitchen, her eyes swept back to the living room. She was in a position to see what, if anything, was behind the couch now. She aimed her gun in that direction. There was no one hiding there. She could see the full length of the front door now. She was relieved to see the deadbolt was still in place. That made her feel a little better. Her eye traveled further downward and found the source of the noise she had heard. Lying on the carpet was a white business sized envelope that someone must have pushed under her door. She left it there and continued toward the kitchen. She still needed to check it out. She flipped on the light and saw that the kitchen was indeed empty. Her heart was almost beating normally at this point. She turned back to the living room and headed for the door. She flipped on the overhead light switch and bent over and picked up the envelope. Without thinking, she turned it over and over in her hands looking for any writing that might not only identify who the envelope was for, but who it was from. Shit! She realized that if there had been prints on it, it was too late now! She decided to treat the contents more carefully. She opened the envelope's flap, it wasn't sealed shut, just tucked inside, and pulled out a single folded sheet of lined notebook paper by the very corner. She gave her wrist a shake, making the folded sheet open and reveal it's contents. She read through the note once quickly, and started again at the top. Her breathing betrayed the fear that was building yet again. She swallowed hard, trying to stop the tears from coming. It was a losing battle. In mere moments the letter had reduced her to a crumpled heap on the floor, with great sobs and wails issuing out of her war-torn body. She thought she could take this. She thought it was over. She thought she was strong. She was wrong, wrong, wrong. She was crying uncontrollably now, as she had in Mulder's apartment, even though the moment of crises had passed. She simply couldn't stop the tears. She looked at the phone she still held in her hand. Without another moment's hesitation, she punched the speed dial button and "1" again. She heard a sleepy Mulder answer the phone. "Hello..." She continued to cry. She couldn't even speak. "Hello?" she heard him say again, a little more urgently as she knew he was becoming clear headed now. "Scully? Is that you?" She could answer him with nothing but further great sobs and wails. "Scully!" She heard the anxiousness in his voice, but could do nothing to calm it, to tell him she really was OK physically, but she needed him, and she needed him now! "Scully!" Mulder all but screamed her name, waiting for an answer, waiting for her voice to soothe his fears that something was terribly wrong. It didn't come. Then he waited no longer. "Scully, I'm coming over right now. Hold on, I'll be there." He hung up. He immediately began to put a call through to Williams to have the squad car check on Scully's apartment. He couldn't get a dial tone. Scully had not hung up her phone, and now he realized he wouldn't even be able to call her back! Damn! He was glad he'd had the foresight to change to jeans and a tee shirt when he'd gotten home earlier and that he'd laid down fully dressed. He almost ran to the bedroom where he had left his cell phone when he'd changed out of his suit. He grabbed it and his car keys and was out the door before the police station even answered. They put him through to the officer in charge of the night shift. Mulder quickly explained who he was and about the phone call he had gotten from Scully. He asked that the cruiser Williams had requested be sent directly to Scully's apartment and then told them he was on his way there, too. He cut the connection, started his car and raced over to Scully's. He set a new record for reaching her place. The squad car was already parked outside her apartment building. Mulder pulled up behind it, and jumped out of the car, slamming the door behind him. He saw that Scully's apartment was lit up like the Fourth of July. Every light in the place must be on he thought as he raced into the building and up the flight of stairs. He heard Scully moaning before he was halfway there. He heard the officers banging on Scully's door while identifying themselves to her. She was not responding. The police turned quickly, hands on their guns as they heard Mulder dashing up the stairs. "Mulder, FBI," he said quickly, his identification already pulled from his pocket and open. I'm her partner. I'm the one that requested you to respond. The officers relaxed slightly. "We've been here about three minutes. She can't or won't open the door. We've asked if she is hurt but she isn't responding to any questions. We were just about to break the door in." "I've got a key. Move over." Mulder unceremoniously stepped in front of the officers and selecting the correct key on his key ring, placed it in the lock and turned it. "Scully! It's me, Mulder!" He said as he unlocked the door. He certainly didn't want her shooting him in confusion thinking he was breaking into her apartment. There was no response other than her continued alternate moaning and crying. As soon as he felt the cylinder turn, he grasped the knob, turned it, and pushed. The door didn't go anywhere. Damn! The dead bolt was still on. "Scully! Unlock the dead bolt, let me in. It's Mulder!" No response. "Scully! Are you hurt? Can you open the door?" No answer, but the crying was not as loud. "OK, guys, let's break it down," Mulder said to the two officers. "If she could respond, she would." The three of them stepped back to brace their feet before slamming their combined weight against the door. Mulder said, "On three. One," that was as far as he got. From the other side of the door he heard a soft, "Mulder?" Mulder halted his counting and stood up straight. The officers followed suit. "Scully?" He paused. "Scully, can you open the door?" He waited for an answer. Instead, he heard the dead bolt being released. The door knob turned and suddenly the door was open. Scully stood in front of them, framed in the doorway, tears streaming down her face, which was grossly swollen from her hysterical crying jag, with her gun held limply in one hand and the phone in her other hand. Mulder stepped forward and caught her just as she fainted. The two police officers stepped past them and immediately began a search of the apartment. They were back in a minute. The apartment was not that big. After Scully fell into his arms, Mulder had picked her up and taken her over to the couch. He was sitting on the edge of the couch when the officers returned from their search. "Nothing seems to be out of place, no sign of a struggle, either," one of them reported to Mulder. The other officer pulled out his radio and began to call in a report. He wandered off toward the kitchen to speak uninterrupted. The other officer watched as Mulder gently shook Scully's shoulders, trying to awaken her. He called her name several times. "Get me a wet cloth," he said over his shoulder to the officer who headed for the bathroom to comply and quickly returned. Mulder carefully wiped Scully's face with the cool cloth. He pushed her hair out of her eyes with it. He continued to softly call her name. He touched her pulse points with the cloth, then returned to her face. Her eyes began to flutter open, her mouth was moving, but no words came out. "Shhh," Mulder said. "Don't try to talk. Just relax for a moment. Lie still." He continued to wipe her face, being extra careful of the bruises. "What happened to her?" the office standing by asked. "It's all right, Officer. She didn't get these bruises tonight. I think she's just got some swelling from crying so hard. He didn't want to go into Scully's history, it would only embarrass her. The policeman with the radio came back to the living room. "I've reported in. I told them there doesn't seem to be a break in, or an intruder anywhere. I told them the situation was under control at this point, and we'd get back to them with more information shortly." He looked at Scully's form on the couch. "Is she OK?" he asked with concern in his voice. "What happened?" "I don't know yet," Mulder answered honestly. He turned back to face Scully, who was struggling to sit up. Mulder let her up. To try and keep her down would only make her mad. "Scully, what happened?" Mulder searched her eyes. "Are you hurt anywhere?" His own hazel eyes expressed deep concern. Scully was feeling extremely foolish right now. She couldn't believe she had let a note break her like this. A stupid note, no real threat, nothing that could harm her. And now Mulder was here, and two police officers. They would all think her pretty stupid and incompetent when they found out that nothing had happened at all! "No, I'm not hurt," the words barely came out of her cracked lip. "Would you get her some water, please?" Mulder asked one of the officers. He came back quickly from the kitchen, full glass in hand. Scully took it and gratefully drank it down. She was dehydrated from the hot bath and the hard crying. She felt a little better. "Thank you," she said graciously as she handed the glass back. She could stall no longer, they were waiting for an answer. She just wished they would go away and let her talk to Mulder alone. He would at least understand, knowing what she had been through. Mulder sensed Scully's hesitancy. Her eyes were pleading with him to silently understand. He did. He turned to the two officers. "Do you mind checking the outside of the building? See if anything looks unusual or out of place?" he asked politely. The officers were not rookies. They could take a hint. But they also had a job to do and a report to file on the incident. "We'll be back in five minutes," they said and they turned and walked out the door into the hall. Scully and Mulder heard their footsteps on the stairs. "Thank you," Scully said to Mulder. "I, I just feel so foolish," she cast her eyes down to her hands in her lap. Mulder waited patiently for her to go on. Finally, she did. "I was in bed, and I heard this noise," her voice began to rise. Mulder put his strong hands on her shoulders, trying to will his strength to her. "It's OK," he said, knowing a pause would help her regain her composure. She started again. "I got up to see what it was," she had decided to skip describing the terror she had gone through before she was actually able to leave her room, "and I found that note on the floor, by the door." She pointed behind the couch. Mulder turned to look in that direction. Sure enough, between her gun and the phone was an envelope and a sheet of folded paper. He hadn't noticed them in the rush to catch Scully before she hit the ground and then bringing her to the couch. He rose to go retrieve them. Scully continued talking. "Without thinking, I handled the envelope, but then I realized there might be prints on it, so I just pulled the paper out by the very corner." Mulder had reached the paper now and copied her behavior by barely placing his fingertips on one top corner and bringing it back to the couch. "It upset me so much after reading it, that I just went off the deep end." Scully watched Mulder's face as he sat back down and read the note. He showed no emotion. She knew he wouldn't. She added to her story as he put the note down on the coffee table and turned back to face her, "I knew I couldn't handle this by myself, so I called you, but then I couldn't speak." Mulder had compassion written all over his face. He didn't think her foolish. "I'm so sorry," Dana began again. Mulder didn't let her finish as the tears began again. He gently put his arms around her, to enfold her into his world of safety. Dana's arms remained at her side, but she leaned her head against Mulder's shoulder, trying to shut out her world of terror. He attempted to reassure her once again, "It's OK. There's nothing to be sorry about. I'm glad you called me. It's OK." He repeated the mantra over and over, one hand stroking her back gently. He felt her quiet tears of shame and sorrow as they soaked through his tee shirt in an ever widening circle. He heard a soft cough come from behind him, and then footsteps as the officers came back into the room. He did not move away from Scully. He didn't care what they saw or thought at this point. Comforting Scully was all that mattered now. But it mattered to Scully. She leaned away from Mulder, indicating he should let her go. He did so. She stared down at her lap again, wishing she were invisible. Mulder turned his attention to the officers. "Did you find anything?" he asked. "No," one of them answered simply. "Would you like to tell us what happened now, Miss?" They had a report to file, and apparently no crime had been committed here. Scully raised her head to face them. She saw the washcloth on the table and reached for it to wipe her face. She knew she must look like someone from a freak show. Before she could speak, Mulder jumped into the conversation. "As you know, the reason you are patrolling Agent Scully's neighborhood is because she is the kidnap victim you read about in today's paper concerning the Matthew Seigler story." Mulder continued, "She received this note tonight," he pointed to the table where it lay, "Apparently someone slipped it under her door, and she was so upset and frightened by it, she momentarily lost control," Mulder winced inside, what a choice of words he berated himself, but he continued on for the officers, "and she called me for help, but then couldn't speak, she was so upset. "I thought she was in danger, or hurt, so I called for you to come to her aid while I got over here. And that's pretty much the story." Mulder shrugged his shoulders to indicate that was all the information he had. Everyone turned their attention to the note lying on the table. "What does the note say?" one of the officers asked. He did not reach for it. He had listened well in his evidence gathering classes. Mulder gently prodded the edge of the paper so it would spin toward the officers so they could read it. "Excuse me, please," Scully suddenly stood up, "I'd like to get cleaned up." Each of the men nodded their head in understanding and consent. She left the room, walking very unsteadily toward her bedroom. Mulder watched her with concern, but knew she wouldn't want his help. He turned his attention back to the officers as she made it safely to her bedroom. Both men were shaking their heads slowly, their brows furrowed as they read the note Scully had received. In typical criminal fashion, words and letters had been cut from newspapers and magazines to form the content: ThoUghT You WERE saFe BItch. YOU're not. I Will GET you. I wILL kILl you. YOU WiLL pay. I wILl MAKE you PAy dEArlY. You WIll NOT geT AWaY. YouR lOveR. Before they could say anything, Mulder spoke up again. "I'll bag this as evidence and bring it down to Det. Williams in the morning. You guys can go on and make your report. If there are any questions, I will speak with Det. Williams in the morning. "I'd appreciate it if you'd keep patrolling the area tonight. I will be staying here to keep an eye on Agent Scully." Mulder spoke with authority as he stood up and begin moving the officers toward the door. "I certainly appreciate your responding so quickly to my call. It's good to know you guys are out there," Mulder continued to stroke their egos as they stood in the hallway. They were only too happy to be on their way. If they filed their report quickly, they might still be able to end their shift on time. Each said their good- byes. As they went down the stairs, Mulder could hear one of the officers reporting an update of the situation over his radio. Mulder also heard him request a second cruiser be sent to this area to take over for them. Mulder went back inside and shut and locked the door. He was glad they didn't have to break the door in, it would have been so much trouble to replace. He crossed to the window and opened up the slats on the blinds. He saw the officers close the doors on the police car and drive away. Mulder carefully picked up the note and envelope and put them in the kitchen with Scully's gun and the phone. He wanted them to be out of her sight when she returned to the living room. That done, he then turned to face Scully's bedroom. He decided he had better check on her, and he went in search of her. He heard her before he found her. He immediately recognized the sounds of vomiting. He hurried to her bathroom door. It was only half closed. He wanted to help, but he didn't want to intrude. He knocked softly, calling her name. She was too busy throwing up to answer him. He pushed the door open slowly, and saw her kneeling in front of the porcelain god, offering up her guts to him. She was holding her sides. The heaving was no doubt excruciating due to her sore ribs and beaten flesh. She had no hands available to hold her hair out of the way. He quietly knelt down beside her, gathered her hair from each side of her face and held it back for her. A fleeting memory of seeing his mother do the same for his sister Samantha when she was terribly sick once flashed through his brain. He pushed it away. He needed to concentrate on Scully right now. After a minute or so went by with no heaving, he deduced she had given it all she had. She began to conclude the same herself and sat back on her knees, raising her head. Mulder let her hair go, stood up and found a clean wash cloth. He soaked it in cool water and handed it to her. She took it gratefully and with great embarrassment all at the same time. No one wanted anyone else to see them puke, she lamented to herself. Fox also filled a cup with water so she could rinse out her mouth. She swished the water around her mouth a few times and spat into the toilet. She repeated the action once more before handing the cup back. She stood up and threw the washcloth in the sink. She would attend to that later. She flushed the toilet and slowly headed back for her bed. Would this night never end, she questioned herself? Mulder again resisted helping her. As he turned out the light and began to follow her, she turned back on him so quickly he almost ran over her. "Leave it on!" she said, her voice abnormally loud. Mulder quickly turned the light back on, and saw the terror in her eyes before she turned from him. Mulder frowned. He didn't like the look or sound of her at this moment. As she stumbled into bed, he waited until she had adjusted the covers and gotten as comfortable as possible before sitting down on the edge of her double bed. He took one of her hands in his. She pulled it away. "I'm fine," she said just a little too sharply. "I can see that," Mulder retorted. "I know I always puke my guts up after a huge crying jag before I go to bed each night." He couldn't help himself, needling her so. He just got so tired of her always being *fine*, no matter what the circumstances. Why was it so hard for her to admit she might need someone, he wondered. "Look," Scully said hotly, "if you want to say 'I told you so', why don't you just go ahead and say it!" She crossed her arms in front of her, totally cutting herself off from him. She didn't need or want his sympathy. What she wanted was for everything to be the way it was before. Deep anger and resentment had replaced her previous fear. Mulder felt himself getting mad. She knew exactly how to press his buttons, and frequently did. He truly hated being shut out of the only person's life he wanted to be in. It took a moment for him to realize what she was really saying to him. He silently counted to ten before he resumed talking to her. "Are you finished?" he calmly asked. He saw her face soften, and her shoulders relax a little. She uncrossed her arms and let them lay limply on the bed spread. Deep in her heart, she knew she was lashing out at the wrong person. Mulder was not here to accuse her, stifle her, or invade her space. He was here to help her. She had called him, for God's sake! At that thought, she unconsciously began fingering the cross around her neck. "I'm sorry, Mulder," she said finally. "I didn't mean to take it out on you." Mulder just nodded his head in silent understanding. He took her hand once again. This time she did not pull away. "Want to talk about it?" Mulder was intentionally vague. He did not specify what "it" he meant; the hours with Seigler, the note, how she felt right now. He would talk about anything she wanted to talk about. "No," she said quietly. "Not yet." "Fine," he replied. He brushed a stray strand of hair from her face, and gently smiled. "I'm going into the living room so you can get some peace, and hopefully go to sleep." He rose from the bed, "If you need anything, anything at all," he emphasized, "just call. I'll hear you." She knew it was true. A whisper would bring him to her side in a flash. For some reason, that thought was a great comfort. She smiled weakly in return and nodded her head. As Mulder reached the bedroom door, his hand began moving toward the light switch. "Mulder," Scully felt a slight panic rising. He turned back, eyes raised in a question. "Just," Dana felt so foolish! "Just," she continued, "leave the light on for right now, OK?" It was not really a question. And Mulder recognized that. "Sure, OK," he replied. "It'll make it easier to check on you," he tried to answer lightly, to ease her burden. He left her then, and went out to sit on the couch. Fox felt uncomfortable in his tear sodden tee shirt, so he removed it and laid it over the back of the couch to dry, then he took off his shoes, plumped a pillow at the end of the couch, and laid back. He picked up the remote and turned on the TV, adjusting the volume extremely low. Surfing through the channels he settled on a low-budget '50's movie about invading Martians battling army tanks. Glancing at his watch, he saw it was only 9:30pm. He rolled his eyes and gave a big sigh, and settled in for a long night. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat@aol.com) PART: 11/16 Surprisingly enough, he fell asleep before the end of the movie. And it wasn't a whisper from Scully that roused him from his slumber, it was her scream. He jumped up, instantly alert. His hand flew to his side feeling for his gun as he headed for Scully's bedroom. All the lights were on, so it was easy to instantly see what was wrong. Scully was having a nightmare, and she was tangled in her sheet and bed spread. She was struggling mightily against nothing. Her voice was rising in pitch with each scream. Mulder's gun went back into it's place as he crossed her room in a few steps and was once again sitting on the edge of her bed. "Scully!" Mulder grabbed her flailing arms. She screamed anew, this time in pain. He realized he must have grabbed bruises hidden under her pajama sleeves. He released her immediately, softly cursing his clumsiness. He continued to call her name as he struggled to disentangle her from the bed clothes. She began to beat against him with her fists, now struggling against Mulder instead of the sheets that bound her. Mulder dodged her blows as best he could while trying to untangle her. He pulled the bedspread from around her and was rewarded with a sock on the chin. Fortunately, in her sleep, Scully did not hit him full force. Most of her blows glanced off his chest. Mulder finally successful unraveled the bed clothes that were binding Scully to the bed. Now that she was free, she could sit up and fight Mulder easier. Her screams turned into words as she berated Matthew in her sleep. Mulder's eyes opened wide at some of the curses that came from Scully's mouth. He figured she knew such words, but he'd never heard her use the gutter language that spilled from her mouth like garbage now. She was calling Seigler and some of his choice body parts every name in the book, and a few even he didn't know. She was beating fiercely at his chest now, though hardly full strength. She took a swing that would have connected with Mulder's jaw had he not ducked in time. He had been continuously and loudly calling her name throughout the entire ordeal. He simply wasn't getting through to her. She was deep in her mind, fighting off Seigler, doing and saying all the things she had been unable to do at the time of the real attack. His frustration building at not being able to subdue Scully's movements, Mulder finally lunged at her bodily, pinning her once again to the bed. She continued to cuss Matthew and his inferior male equipment. Being bound tightly again only made Scully more fearful and her screams returned. Her mouth was next to Fox's ear and it began to ring with her incessant screaming. Mulder vaguely wondered what her neighbors must be thinking by now! Fox's mouth was also adjacent to her ear. Instead of screaming back at her, he calmly whispered her name. "Scully, it's me, Mulder." He said it three times before he felt a shift in her body tension, and her voice lower it's volume. "Wake up, Dana. It's OK. You're safe." He continued to whisper while keeping her body pinned under his. She began to calm down, and within a few seconds, she opened her eyes and realized where she was. Mulder could not see her face. He continued to talk softly to her, assuring her she was safe, and that he was there. She just let him talk to her as she tried to center herself and her emotions. His voice was so soothing. She longed for it to go on and on, to remove her from the world of the dark. She felt his lips brush her ear as he spoke to her. She felt his warm breath on her neck. Slowly, she became aware of his bare chest pressing against her. She smelled him, Mulder. It was comforting to know his smell. Briefly she wondered what she smelled like to him; how he could recognize her for being uniquely her. She continued to relax in spite of his weight on top of her. She began pushing her thoughts and fears from the nightmare back into the recesses of her brain. She wanted to hear only his voice and concentrate on nothing else. He finally sensed her state of full consciousness, though she tried to hide it. She just wanted to stay this way for a few moments longer. She knew the questions would begin again shortly. She wanted to forestall them as long as possible. But it was too late, he knew. Mulder slowly leaned his head back from hers to gaze into her eyes, to see her awareness for himself. Her eyes scared him. They were glassy; she was far removed from reality at this moment. They were dull and uncaring of anything happening. Fox carefully shifted his weight from her body, unreasonably expecting her to attack him again the moment she was free. In actuality, she became as limp as a rag doll. "Hey," he tried to get her attention, "are you with us?" he asked quietly. Scully nodded her head slightly to indicate that she heard him. Mulder totally relaxed his grip on her and sat back a few inches. "Are you OK?" He studied her eyes. Scully was exhausted. She blinked slowly several times, trying to focus in on Mulder's deep green eyes. She studied the golden flecks in his left eye and tried to discern a pattern. She began to drift off mentally. "Hey!" Mulder said a little louder. He saw her lack of response. "Scully!" He brought his hands up to her shoulders to give her a gentle shake. That brought her up fighting mad! In a flash, Scully brought both her arms up inside of his, pushing them in an outward motion as she had been taught in self defense class, and balled her right hand up into a fist and aimed it at Mulder's jaw. In her state, she was much too slow, though her actions startled him at first. But his automatic reactions set in, also. He leaned his head back, and brought his left arm up in front of her fist to deflect the blow. He then put both of his hands on her shoulders, shoved her backwards and pinned her once again to the bed. Scully was breathing hard from the exertion and adrenaline that was coursing through her body. Whether the adrenaline or Mulder's actions brought her back to reality, she wasn't sure, but suddenly she knew where she was and what was happening. Tears formed, threatening to drown her ice blue eyes. Mulder recognized the focus that came back into her eyes and released his grip on her immediately. Scully pulled herself up into a sitting position and leaned against the headboard. She wiped the corners of her eyes free of tears and stared into her lap. "Are you OK, Scully?" he asked quietly. She didn't answer, only nodded her head yes. An uncomfortable silence filled the room. "Scully?" She continued to stare into her lap. "Scully?" No response. "Look at me." No response. Mulder gently placed his finger under her chin and raised her face toward him. "Dana?" He needed to know she was OK. Finally her eyes met his and locked. She was going to be OK. She was here, back in reality with him. He let out a breath that he didn't realize he had been holding. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked for the second time that night. She slowly nodded her head. The words came slowly and quietly. Mulder listened as she recounted how she had been kidnapped, stripped naked, tied up, beaten up and humiliated, and finally conquered. Mulder had a fleeting thought that he was glad he already knew the details and that he'd had time to digest them. If he'd been hearing them for the first time, he didn't think he would have been able to control his actions. As it was, he was able to be here, now, for Dana. He would have concentrated on his feelings, his anger, and his frustration at being able to do nothing to help Scully while she was being brutalized. Because it wasn't news to him, he was able to concentrate on Scully, to boost her confidence here and there, to assure her she had done all she could have under the circumstances. He was glad to know that she didn't leave anything out. In the retelling of the tale, she didn't try to spare her own pride, or make Matthew more hideous than he was, and she didn't try to overstate or understate the beatings. She broke down many times, and her voice was unnaturally high sometimes, but the important thing was she was getting it out and letting him in. He tried not to crowd her on the bed, prompt her on details or facts, or touch her. He had read somewhere that rape victims become extremely negatively sensitive to the male touch after an attack and sometimes grow to abhor it. He didn't want Scully to feel that way about him. From time to time during her story, he wondered how and when or even if he should tell her that he already knew everything she was telling him. The video and her statement weighed heavily on his mind. He pushed those thoughts back into another corner of his mind to be retrieved later. Right now he needed to concentrate on Scully's account. The words had come out quicker and quicker as she told Mulder the story, as if the sooner she said them, the sooner the crap would be out of her. She hesitated only once in telling Mulder everything. When she got to the actual rape by Matthew, she didn't know if she could tell him. The words were interspersed alternately with tears of shame, and words of anger. She had felt so helpless. It almost galled her. She was angry that a man had done this to her. Yet with all the understanding of the physical body that she had, she knew that ultimately Matthew had raped her mind. He had taken her confidence, her security, her control, her peace in who she was, her dignity. He had taken everything from her. She tried desperately to convey that to Mulder. It was what mattered the most to her. But her fears also included how Mulder would ultimately perceive the act, such as it was. From a man's point of view, was she now damaged goods? She realized this was the 90's. Even so, she was aware of the double standard men held in their minds for women. While Fox did not comment on Seigler's actions as she spoke, she saw his hands clench so tight that his knuckles turned white under the pressure. She noticed his change in breathing, too. His chest rose and fell extremely fast, as if he had been in a race. Still, he said nothing. His restraint almost seemed a let down to her. She couldn't believe what she was thinking. What did she expect Mulder to do? Rant and rave and beat the walls in anger and yell about revenge? A tiny part of her, way down deep, screamed a silent yes to her brain. She wanted him to champion her cause. Finally, Scully drained from the entire day's ordeals, could speak no more. She had slipped further and further down from her sitting position over the retelling of her nightmare until she was flat on her back and looking at the ceiling, and not at Mulder, by the time she was finished. She lay silent for a few moments. Mulder, realizing it was indeed mercifully over for the both of them, edged closer so he could lean over and stare into her eyes. He didn't trust himself to voice his feelings, but he wanted her to see them. Scully could usually read Mulder like a book, and now was no exception. Besides the obvious pain he felt, she saw compassion and empathy all the way down to his soul, and her eyes begin to swim again. Dana sat back up, and as she did so, her tears escaped over the dam her eyelids formed and cascaded over her mottled cheeks. Mulder could barely stand it. His insides ached to see Scully like this. Her bottom lip trembled as she struggled to regain control of her body. It was a losing battle. She grabbed Mulder in a fierce hug and nearly crushed the air out of him as she held on for dear life and maybe sanity itself. He remembered the last time he had felt such an intense embrace from her; the night he had rescued her from Donnie Pfaster. He was again surprised at how she was allowing him to see the depth of her fear. Knowing she was bruised in many places, he was afraid to return the hug. But when he heard great sobs coming from the very core of Dana, and felt her tears splash on his bare back he could hold back no longer. His arms encircled her tiny, battered body, and held her close to him. His grief and pain were as deep as her own. His eyes welled up and broke over their own dam, and coursed down his cheeks. He didn't know if he was crying for her, or for the guilt he felt inside. They held each other like that for a long time, alternately crying and speaking soothing words to each other. Each cried from their own pain for a while, and then one would try to comfort the other, get swallowed up in their own pain again, and begin crying afresh while the other then tried to do the comforting. Finally, there were no more tears left to cry. Discomfort began to set in and eventually, they separated, yet remained close both physically and mentally. After a few moments of total silence, Mulder spoke up. "Dana, I am so sorry," Fox's voice was extremely low. Scully refused to let him finish and interrupted him. "No, Mulder," she began, "I told you from the beginning, you are not responsible. It was my job, and my choice." Mulder wanted so badly to tell her his side, he wondered if he would ever get the chance to apologize. She simply wouldn't let him! "And the nightmare certainly isn't your fault," she continued. "It's just my mind working out my problems in the only way it knows how," her voice trailed off. Mulder smiled a moment to himself. It was fleeting, and she almost missed it. "What?" she could use a laugh right about now. He didn't respond right away. "What?" she said again, smiling herself a little now. Mulder raised his eyebrows and looked away for a moment, grinning. Scully punched him lightly on his biceps. "What?" she repeated for the third time. Mulder turned back to face her. "I was just remembering some of the things you said while you were having your nightmare." She looked at him puzzled. She didn't remember anything funny in her nightmare! What was he talking about? She waited, she wasn't going to pump him any more. He would tell her. He proceeded to repeat some of the phrases she had used in her fit of anger to describe Matthew and his anatomy. Scully's hand flew to her mouth and her eyes opened wide, incredulous. "I did not!" she tried to sound as indignant as possible. "Yes," Mulder insisted, "Dana Katherine Scully, good little Catholic girl, did udder words of damnation and vulgarity such as I have never heard before," he said with one hand raised, as if testifying. Scully couldn't believe it. "Really?" He was nodding his head as if to confirm her worst thoughts. Then she scoffed, "No I didn't, you are making that up!" But she could see the truth in his eyes. He wasn't making it up. He pursed his mouth in a prissy, disapproving "Aunt Bee" kind of look. Scully broke out into laughter. The sound of it filled Mulder with an inner delight. Scully was laughing again! He joined in, and together they laughed until Scully begged Mulder to stop. Her stomach was beginning to protest from the constant muscle tension required to produce laughter. Mulder fell face forward on the bed, continuing to laugh. He was seemingly as unable to stop laughing as he was crying earlier. Scully fell over toward the opposite side of the bed, trying to stifle her own mirth. This gave Mulder enough room to turn over on his back, still laughing. Scully had now succumbed to the giggles and moved over to give Mulder more room. Eventually they ended up side by side, flat on their backs, staring at the ceiling. They were finally quiet, exhaustion consuming them totally. After a while, Mulder felt Scully tentatively slide a finger under his hand as it rested on top of the covers between them, and then she slid another and another until her small hand was completely under his. Without looking at her, he gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. They both closed their eyes and each finally found an island of peace in their ocean of pain. There were no more nightmares that night. Scully's Apartment Friday April 23 6:12am Mulder woke first, still on his back, Scully's hand still tucked inside his own. He looked over slowly at the bedside clock. 6:12 am. It seemed later in the morning for some reason. Then he realized is seemed later because it was so bright in the room. All the lights were still on. He slowly turned his head back toward Scully. He saw that she was still asleep. He watched the rhythmic rising and falling of her chest as she rested peacefully. He didn't want to disturb her, but he also didn't want her to wake up with him beside her. It would only embarrass her to remember the venerability she had displayed last night; to actually admit in the world of daylight that she had needed somebody. He slowly disengaged his hand from hers and rolled carefully out of bed. She did not wake up or even stir. Fox stifled a big yawn until he reached the kitchen. He began filling the coffee maker with a filter, coffee, and water. After turning the unit on, he quietly crossed over to her front door, opened it, and retrieved the newspaper lying in front of her door, and went back to the kitchen to wait for the coffee. As he passed the counter just inside the kitchen doorway, his eyes caught a glimpse of the envelope that had been shoved under Scully's door last night. He stopped to stare at it, not really wanting to deal with it just yet. There would be no point in taking it to the police or the FBI labs; Seigler was clever enough not to leave his fingerprints on it, he was sure. Yet, that is what he would do with it, and hope against hope that they would find a trace of something on it that would link the note to Seigler. He sighed and turned away from it. It was too early. He pulled a chair out from under the table, sat down and opened the paper before him. The headlines screamed at him in extra-large, bold type: Serial Killer Still on the Loose? Mulder quickly scanned the article. Another woman was missing and conjecture was being made that it might be the work of the serial killer. Then the writer rehashed yesterday's news concerning Matthew Seigler, ending with the fact that the judge had eventually let him out on bail. The reporter intimated that there might be a connection between Seigler and the missing woman. He also used several inches of column space to point up, in his humble opinion, areas of inefficiency in the police department. Because there wasn't enough evidence to hold Seigler, he had been able to make bail, the article said. Had the police tried hard enough? Was the one surviving victim that had been rescued not cooperating with the police so they could gather enough evidence? The article went on and on, using speculation and innuendo to fan the flames of the public's paranoia concerning this case. Shit, Mulder thought. This is the last thing Scully needs to see this morning! He folded the paper back up and slipped the rubber band back on. He would take this with him. The best thing right now would be for him to get this out of the apartment and get going on this case. He decided to forego the leisurely morning routine he had planned, and hastily scribbled a note to Scully on some note paper he found in her desk. "Getting an early start. Thanks for the slumber party last night, let's do it again real soon. Call me when you get up. Mulder". He placed the note by the coffee pot. After putting his tee shirt and shoes back on he poured himself a cup of coffee to go, carefully picked up the envelope with the note inside, and quietly let himself out the door. In between driving home for a shave, shower, and clean clothes, and then driving to the office, he formulated his plans for the day. At the last minute he decided to pick up more coffee and a bagel for breakfast. He reached the office just a little before 8am. His cell phone rang as he was unlocking the basement door to their office. "Mulder," he responded. "It's me," Scully replied. "I got your note. Thanks for the coffee." Mulder thought she sounded good over the phone. "How are you?" he asked anyway. "I'm fine," Scully was smiling on her end. She knew he hated it when she gave him that answer. Mulder just rolled his eyes, and gave a small grin himself. He would let her get away with that answer this morning. Scully continued, "I'll be in the office in about an hour." She knew he was going to interrupt and try to protest, so she didn't give him the air time. "I'm fine, and I need to work. See you there." She broke the connection. Mulder gave a small shake of his head as he stared at the now dead phone. What did he really expect, though, he asked himself. He put the phone down and busied himself with his plans. First he put in a call to Det. Williams to fill him in on the details of last night and tell him he would be dropping the note off shortly. Then he placed a call to Matthew Seigler's old flame, Lilly Townsend, and made an appointment to see her later in the day. He cruised on up to Walter Skinner's office, brushing bagel crumbs from his shirt even as Sharon announced him. "Agent Mulder," Skinner greeted him as usual. "What can I do for you?" he asked formally. Mulder declined to sit. He wanted to get in and out. He brought Skinner up to speed on the incident at Scully's apartment last night. He very pointedly left out anything that happened after the police officers left. "Agent Scully is on her way into the office and should be here shortly. I am taking the note and envelope over to Det. Williams, and then I'll be coming back to the office. Later I have an appointment to see Lilly Townsend," Mulder concluded his summation of today's agenda. Skinner, who had been absentmindedly nodding his head in agreement with all Mulder was proposing, cocked his head at Mulder's last sentence. "Why are you going to see her?" Mulder pushed both of his hands deep into his trouser pockets. He took a deep breath and blew it out. "I know it's a long shot, sir," he started, "but I think we need to interview Lilly to see if she can shed any light on this case concerning Matthew's previous behavior, his hangouts, that sort of thing. If he has kidnapped another woman like the newspaper suggests, she might have an idea of where to look. It's a start," he finished lamely. "I don't seem to recall you being reassigned to this case, Agent Mulder," Skinner began. He saw Mulder stiffen as he withdrew his hands from his pockets, fists already balled, his mouth already working to form a protest, which Skinner never gave him the chance to lodge as he continued speaking, "but seeing as you have nothing else more pressing at this moment, you may delve into it as long as you stay out of Det. Williams' way." He watched Mulder's total body language change in an instant. "Or until I assign you a case," Skinner concluded. Mulder nodded his head, "Yes, sir." Skinner dropped his eyes to his desk and began shifting papers around, an indication that Mulder was dismissed. Mulder recognized the sign and turned to leave. "Oh, Agent Mulder," Skinner called out just as Mulder reached the door. Mulder turned back to face him. Skinner's deep brown eyes pierced Fox even at this distance as he spoke, "Watch over Agent Scully," Walter paused a moment, "She's a valuable asset to the FBI, and I don't expect you to let anything else happen to her." Mulder caught the innuendo in Skinner's voice. Skinner always seemed to know how to keep Mulder in line with just a few words or a look, and he had managed to make him feel like a bad little boy all over again. He ducked his head in acknowledgment, turned on his heel and left Skinner's office. His face felt as if it were burning. Good, Skinner thought to himself, that little dig will keep Mulder on his toes today, making him work harder and dig deeper to solve this case. He returned his thoughts to his paperwork, and sighed heavily.