AUTHOR'S NOTES: All Final Fantasy VII characters, vehicles and themes © Squaresoft, and no infringement is intended.
Repressed Memories

Chapter 5: Motion Sickness
Written by Cloud

     The wind blew wildly through my hair as the ship we had boarded left Costa del Sol's expansive pier. The ferry's bow cut the azure water, causing mist to spray about the air. Zack and I stood on the stern of the ship, staring intently on where we had been. I guess it was then that I realized I was leaving behind everything I ever knew. It didn't bother me that much; it was nothing but pain anyway. But I was afraid, afraid that the pain was a part of who I was, afraid that even if one day everything had fallen into place that I wouldn't be able to deal with it. It was a horrifying thing to think about, but I wanted the pain. If everything were right, then everything would feel wrong. I would over analyze any situation, end up ruining things for myself because subconsciously I had intended to because I wanted to hurt myself. Sometimes I think that I just don't know how to be happy.
     I felt slender arms wrap around my waist as Astfirie's crimson hair blew across my face in the rising wind. She had only been gone a few minutes, but I had truly missed her all the same. She kept me from thinking, made my mind leave me in peace. Her chest swelled up and down as she breathed, filling my soul with fire. I could tell she was worried about me, she seemed to be able to tell what I was thinking without me saying a word.
     "Hey you." I said, my words choked with emotion that I hadn't meant to express. She held me tighter as she spoke,
     "I know what you're feeling. Starting over is the toughest thing to do, but sometimes it's the only thing to do." Her words seemed tinged with sadness, and I began to wonder what her past must be like. I turned in her embrace, my own arms wrapping around her.
     "It's okay. Everything's okay now because I have you." I had barely spoken the words when joy lightened her features as she pulled me tighter, the wind and the sea surrounding us. She slowly released me, taking my hand in her own. Zack seemed a bit uncomfortable, but he'd survive. This was my moment in time. An unfamiliar voice interrupted us,
     "How about a tour of the boat?" A young sailor asked of the three of us. I hadn't even seen him approach. I was tempted to tell him to leave us the hell alone, but I could see that Zack was interested. I had never had friends until now, and I wasn't going to make one angry through my own selfishness.
     "Sure, why not?" I replied as Zack breathed a sigh of relief. The little man beckoned for us to follow him. He led us around the deck to the dining area, the music hall, the crew's quarters, the captain's lodge- basically the whole nine yards. The ship was a Shinra political vessel; it was littered with bigwigs with PHS' running around and shouting orders. It was well crafted, but it had scant defenses and was clearly not a mechanism of war, merely a ferry for the rich Shinra yuppies and transferring soldiers who didn't require an escort to get from one continent to another. I never would have been able to afford to ride on a ship like this, but once again, Zack's finances had saved the day. Now we sped in complete luxury toward Junon- and eventually, Midgar.
     Zack turned to address me after the tour, stopping dead in his tracks.      He had that look on his face, the one that he rarely ever got. It looked to me as if something that had been eating at him from within was being resolved.
     "Cloud, I want to thank you for what you said about Aeris. You were right all along." Zack revealed to me. I nodded, feeling extremely satisfied with myself.
     "I try." I replied.
     Astfirie jabbed at my arm playfully,
     "He says all that, admits he was wrong, and all he gets is an 'I try'? You're so sweet, Cloud." I grinned at her remark. My response was,
     "Yeah, I know. It's one of my more endearing qualities." She giggled, leaning closer to me. Her scent was invading my senses as she whispered into my ear,
     "Believe me Cloud, you have far more endearing qualities than that…" For some reason, I didn't laugh at her remark, just pulled her closer. She was like a drug, and I was so addicted that I couldn't believe it. I'd never needed anything before, but somehow I knew I needed her.
     "I love you, Astfirie." I told the girl. Thankfully, Zack had excused himself. Her eyes lit up, as if to blind me as a smile encompassed her face.
     "Really?" She asked, her joy seeming to posses her soul.
     "Really." I stated, running my fingers through her crimson hair. She embraced me so tightly I could barely breathe.
     "Oh Cloud!" She cried, "I love you too!" She pulled back only enough to kiss me, her warm body trembling with unexpressed emotions in my arms. I stroked her delicate cheek, pulling myself away with one purpose in my heart.
     The ring, the one that my father had left for me- I had only recently grown up enough to wear it. It just sat there on my finger, the fading light shining off its golden band. The blue crystal that crowned it gave it a tinge of magic, though I knew not how to use it. I removed the shining metal from my ring finger, offering it to Astfirie as it glinted magnificently.
     "I want you to take care of this for me, Astfirie." Her face lit up with joy, happiness seeping through the pores of her soft skin. She accepted my ring, putting it on her middle finger as she took my hands.
     "I'll wear it around my neck." She choked, tears of joy in her violet eyes, "I'll have to find a long enough chain so that it hangs right by my heart." I couldn't believe what she had just told me, couldn't believe that this was happening. A creature this sweet was in love with me? I could no longer contain my feelings, I kissed her fiercely, almost violently, and to my surprise she returned it all with a flash of emotion. Every movement of my mouth was mirrored by her own until we finally stopped, gasping for breath. There were no words, not a single thing I could say to her to express what was in my heart. It didn't matter as we held each other in silence; nothing in the world mattered because she completed me. For once in my life, I was whole.

     Three days had passed, and the boat was still only halfway between Costa del Sol and Junon. I had received a note from Astfirie instructing me to meet her at the ship's outdoor pool. It was a feature, I learned, that had been eliminated from the Shinra's military boats and only remained for the rich yuppies on ships such as this one. Apparently the soldiers had gotten too lazy. I guess I might as well enjoy my slack time now. Donning a blue bathing suit I had found in my ragged ass suitcase, I headed for the pool. I was met with Zack outside my door, wearing similar attire in the hue of black.
     "You too, huh?" I asked my friend. Zack laughed,
     "Yeah, but I haven't been swimming in a long time. I wonder if I can still manage it?" I shrugged, knowing full well that he could. He had probably had swimming lesson since he was two all paid for by his parents. Pushing the spiteful thoughts out of my mind, I grabbed a couple of towels and we headed for the pool.
     Astfirie met us at the gate in the same black bathing suit she had worn at the beach of Costa del Sol. Her red hair shimmered and her violet eyes seemed to shine. Every Shinra transferee in the pool and the surrounding area was gawking at her like she was a piece of meat. I wanted to shout 'She's mine! Keep your #$%#in' eyes to yourself!' but by some Herculean feat of strength I restrained myself. The soldiers seemed to get the idea when she walked up and kissed me, so I felt a little better then. That is, until I remembered why I hated swimming. Let's just say that it's very difficult to style my hair the way that I like it, and water ruined all my hard work within seconds. So when my girlfriend jumped gracefully into the pool, I sheepishly stepped down the metal ladder into the azure water. I think she caught what I was thinking because she was laughing at me. I felt shame welling up in me as she gave me a look like I was a child.
     "Stop pouting, Cloud." She commanded of me. I guess I wasn't as thrilled with her plan as she wanted me to be. She sighed, wrapping wet arms around me. "I wanted this to be perfect. It bothers me so much, bothers me that I can't make you happy." There were tears in her violet eyes. "I want to so badly…"
     "Astfirie, you don't have to do anything special for me, just be you." I told her. Her long fingers found the ring that hung about her neck, holding it gently but firmly.
     "Don't I, Cloud?" she asked. "I haven't been able to get to you the way you get to me."
     "What are you talking about?" I wondered aloud. "I was hopelessly in love with another girl before I met you, and now she doesn't even have a place in my life. I love you, Astfirie, and I don't ever want to lose you." She was smiling again, and relief fell over my soaking form like a ton of bricks. We exchanged a kiss before I caught sight of Zack on one of the high dives.      "Oh great!" I moaned, wondering how badly he was going to show me up this time. Something came over me and I must have grinned evilly. I wasn't going down without a fight.
     "Wait a second, Zack!" I shouted across the pool as I squeezed my girlfriend's shoulder. I could hear her comment as I clambered up the steps of the high dive that stood adjacent to the one that Zack stood atop.
     "Men…" she growled, planting her hands on her hips. "Just like little boys…"
     I was on top of the other diving board, giving Zack a knowing look.
     "ALRIGHT!" My friend shouted, "On three! One…two…THREE!" I flipped twice in the air before breaking into a dive and cutting the water. I cursed as water entered my nose on the way back to the surface, surrounded by bubbles. Sneezing violently, I broke away from the water's grip to stare Zack straight in the face. I burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, and for some strange reason, so did he. He managed to speak between chortles,
     "Your…hair…looks…ridiculous…!"
     "Look…who's…talking…!" I managed. Both of our fits of hysterics ended abruptly as a horrifying realization donned on us.
     "MY HAIR!" we both exclaimed in unison. We bolted for the sides of the pool as Astfirie burst into some hysterics of her own. We dashed for our bunks, leaving the pool's congregation wondering what the hell had just happened.

     I was in the bathroom attempting to fix the damage that had been done to my hair when an intruder picked the lock and barged into the room. I shouldn't have put it past her- after all she was a thief.
     "You ever hear of knocking?" I called from inside the bathroom, frantically combing and spiking.
     "Special occasion." Astfirie said simply, holding up a can of hairspray. I gave her a look of confusion as she entered the bathroom.
     "But my hair won't have that natural look if I use that stuff!" I exclaimed. The girl giggled, taking the lid off.
     "Yeah, and a hundred spikes sticking up in a million different directions looks natural? What do you have to do to get it like that, stick your finger in a light socket?" I opened my mouth to answer, but she was already kissing me, my mouth open to her probing. The can of hairspray fell to the floor and exploded, scaring the shit out of us! Luckily, she refrained from biting me this time.
     "What is it about us and bathrooms?" She whispered.
     "Shh…" I uttered, holding her. "If you're quiet you can hear it."
     "Hear what?" She asked, but seconds later she seemed to catch it too. The soft crash of the waves against the boat, the metal rocking back and forth as I rocked her back and forth in my arms. I absolutely loved that feeling. I could have stayed in that moment forever, if Fate had only the grace to be so kind.