AUTHOR'S NOTES: All Final Fantasy VII characters, vehicles and themes © Squaresoft, and no infringement is intended.
Repressed Memories
Chapter One: To Have Finally Lived
Written by Cloud

     I must have turned back at least twice, hot tears burning down my face, but my decision had already been made. I knew that Mom and Tifa wouldn't write to me in Midgar, Tifa's father hated me, and Mom knew that a SOLDIER trainee at the barracks would feel just a little ashamed to have received a letter from his mother. My thoughts disappeared quickly that night as I steeled myself for the journey to Cosmo Canyon by foot. Quicksilver hung at my back, but I was still a little clumsy with the broadsword as of yet. I had wanted to hang it at my side, like a Knight would have done. It would have been easier to draw that way, and I wouldn't feel the knot in my back that was eating it's way down my spine. Unfortunately, the decision was made for me by my own body- I was too short to sheathe so large a cutter at my side, it would have dragged along the ground the entire trip to Midgar. Getting use to the dull pain that cascaded down my back, I carefully entered the area where the canyon had formed.
     I had to be cautious, there were monsters lurking about this area, and the fact that it was pitch black outside stacked the odds in their favor. I heard a rustling in the distance; something lurked behind the scant shrubbery that still grew in this dusty area. I quickly unsheathed my sword; adrenaline coursing through my body as the blade glimmered wickedly in the darkness. Whatever it was would have to face me- the next Sephiroth!
     "Come out of there you coward!" I growled at my unseen adversary, "What's the matter, afraid of a little steel?" I hacked my giant blade into the underbrush, only to find that I had been incredibly stupid. A little white rabbit scurried out, his eyes wide with fear. The poor little creature dashed helplessly about before getting as far away from my silver blade as possible. I groaned at my own ignorance, "Cloud is a great hero, oh yes! He's gonna be the next Sephiroth, just you wait and see. That's right, I can scare away helpless little bunny rabbits with my sword! I'm nothing but a damned bully!" I hated this feeling, it was only a rabbit, but it bothered me nonetheless. How did I like it when somebody bigger picked on me? It felt like shit, I knew. Was I any different then all of them, the nameless crowd? Picking on an animal in the same way they had picked on me got me so enraged with myself I wanted to scream. I vowed then and there that I would never hurt an innocent person ever again. I had always wanted to be a hero, and as I sheathed my blade that night, the open canyon's sky filled with glimmering stars, I knew in my heart that I could do it.
     I entered Cosmo Canyon that night, heading straight for the inn, which unfortunately cost far too much money for me to stay at. Cosmo Candle burned brightly before me, perhaps I would sleep near the flame, its' embers would chase away the cold that had numbed my body. I did want something to eat though- badly. It was pretty late, I doubted the local pub would cook for me, especially since I had so little gil to pay them with. The burning in my stomach told me that I had to try though, so I clambered up the street, walking past the immortal flame, and entered the Shilda Inn in search of relief.
     As I stepped through the cloth entryway, I heard the crashing of glasses and angry shouts all about me. I didn't know what to make of it at first, I thought Cosmo Canyon was usually a place of peace, though what I saw was far from anything peaceful. Standing in the center of the bar was a youth about my age, roughly my height. His green eyes seemed cool and composed to the world around him, his face as cold as a statue. He drew an enormous sword, even larger than Quicksilver, and pointed it at the bartender's throat. The blade glimmered with power as I could feel the fear rushing through the older man's system. One twist of the sword and he would be a corpse.
     "Listen to me very carefully." The boy with the sword mouthed, his black hair gleaming with spikes as frigid as my own, "I want a drink. I don't care about your laws; I want a drink. Are we clear?" A bead of sweat ran down the bartender's whitened face. I couldn't let this go on any longer, I drew my sword and waved it in threatening gesture, the light playing along the silver brand was absolutely blinding.
     "Let him go." I said, my voice quaking with unrealized fear. The words came more evenly the second time, "Let him go or you'll deal with me." The other youth turned quickly, his blade still on the old man's throat.
     "Don't mess with me, man. Pops is gonna give me what I want- it has nothing to do with you."
     "The hell it doesn't! Drop your sword!" I shouted in a voice that didn't seem like my own. The other's indifferent face seemed to shift slightly as the point of his blade came forward in an en guarde position. The bartender was safe, but now I had a duel on my hands. The other kid struck overhand, I barely got my sword up to block it in time! The next blow came low, and would have sliced my legs from beneath me had I not jumped high into the air. Sensing an opening, I brought the blade down from above at my opponent's head. As I smashed the shining sword down, the other's green eyes filled with fear as he narrowly dodge my blow. Quicksilver sliced an oaken table cleanly in two, half full cups spattering the pub with it's own liquor. The swordsman was on me quickly, slashing again with his gigantic sword as I attempted to block his seasoned attacks. Our blades locked as both of us fought for control. Seeing his error, I swung my fist clean through his face as he went flying into a wall, shattering glasses and cupboards as his body fought its way to the ground. As he got up for more, I noticed something peculiar. The bar was lined with candles on the inside in respect to Cosmo Candle on which it was founded. Fear coursed through my body as I realized that last punch had tipped four of them over. The whole interior was catching fire, and there was nothing I could do to stop in. Luckily, most of the patrons had fled, afraid of getting caught in the middle of our battle. I gave the other youth a knowing look, sheathed my sword, and bolted out the door as quickly as I could.
     It took me about fives seconds to notice that my enemy hadn't come out of the bar yet. He'd tried to kill me, but I couldn't let him die if there was something I could do about it. Sadly, there was nothing to do at all, the flames had completely consumed the inn, trapping the young man inside. Chunks of burning timber fell slowly to the ground, as if suspended in the air by some unknown force. As I stared at the place that was surely the swordsman's fiery grave, remorse coursed through my veins of it's own accord. If only I hadn't tried to stop him, hadn't tried to be the hero, nobody would have died.
     Suddenly, a flaming figure slashed through the stone walls, his gigantic sword creating an opening the size of a truck in the already unsalvageable building. He jumped into the air, hitting the ground with a monstrous thud. Sheathing his sword, his eyes met my own.
     "Why did you attack me?" He asked, his face cold despite the fires that raged around us.      "You were going to hurt the old man, what was I supposed to do, stand there?" I asked of him, eyeing the juvenile suspiciously. He only laughed,
     "I wouldn't have hurt him, I just wanted to be numb." Despite his cold-blooded appearance and his expensive clothes, I sensed humanity about this guy that many others lacked. He doubted from his demeanor that he had ever been hurt a day in his life. He seemed like the sort of guy who always got what he wanted, unless of course, you count the fact that he didn't get sloshed tonight. Perhaps I could learn from this guy, learn how to fit in, be like the rest. Maybe then I could find a way to fill the gap in my chest that was wrecking me inside out.
     "What were you doing in there, anyway?" I motioned to the burning embers of what was left of the inn. The other smirked, revealing a corked bottle in his other hand.
     "Well, I couldn't leave without the booze, could I?" His smile became genuine. "My name is Zack Garek, and I'm from Gongaga. This…" He said, brandishing his weapon, "This called a Buster Sword. Weighs a ton, and I have yet to name it. My father bought it for me when I told him I was joining SOLDIER."
     "You too?" I asked, not the least bit surprised. I smiled at my own lack of manners. "I'm Cloud Strife. I just left Nibelhiem to join SOLDIER also. I have no idea what style of blade my broadsword is, but it was named Quicksilver by my grandfather." Zack whole-heartedly laughed,      "It doesn't matter what the style is- as long as it's a big ass sword!"
     "Damn straight!" I found myself shouting as I saluted my new friend with my shimmering brand. Almost immediately, we sheathed the weapons and shook hands. It was strange to me; I'd never made a friend out of a fight before. Our introduction didn't last long as the angry townspeople caught sight of us.
     "They're the ones who destroyed the inn!" A woman shouted.
     "They must be punished!" An enraged patron roared above the mob that was forming.
     "Punish them!" Another proclaimed to no one in particular. "Summon Nanaki!"
     I shot Zack a look of surprise and bemusement.
     "I don't know what a Nanaki is, and I ain't sticking around to find out!" My newfound friend smirked,
     "Damn straight Cloud! Let's get the hell out of here!" By the time the fire-red beast had emerged to do battle with us, we were already far away from Cosmo Canyon.