Grave Misgivings

Razorback

A low rumbling felt more than heard vibrated through the colony.

"What the hell was that?" Ko'ah called into the intercom.

"Minor collapse in a tunnel in 4A. Lifter's on the way, but we need help NOW. Someone's trapped," came the reply. 4A was in the lowest section of the colony. Level 4 Section A.

"Ops to Ghosts, emergency. Collapse in 4A. Acknowledge." A collapse was bad. They were nearly finished moving people down away from the upper levels and the lower levels were pretty packed. Any collapse down there was gonna slow everything up and they couldn't afford that.

"This is Xenogears. Razorback and I are on the way." Those two had begun spending a lot of time with each other recently, but in the last few days Razorback had begun disappearing for long periods. There really was no place he could have hidden in the colony, but somehow he still managed to avoid everyone.

"This is Icey, I'm in the area."

-----

The pile wasn't a large one, but it was enough to crush a person and the way some of the larger rocks were perched the whole pile could shift straight down any minute.

"How many?" Icey asked as he arrived.

"Two I think."

This section of tunnel had been unstable anyway and recently someone had nicked one of the supports with some kind of equipment. Fixing it had been on the list of priorities, but it hadn't been done yet.

Icey stood considering the pile. It was stacked up to shoulder height and if it weren't for the high ceiling of this tunnel, it would have been very difficult to move. There wasn't anything he could do until help arrived, because the largest rocks were on the top, and even in Mercury's light gravity, he couldn't move them alone.

Razorback and Xeno appeared at the other end of the tunnel and Icey met them at the pile. "Two under. I figure between the three of us we can handle it." There was no time to waste with long explanations.

Icey carefully climbed onto the pile and got a grip on one of the larger rocks. Razorback grabbed the other end and began to lift immediately. Icey followed suit and the two carried the rock off to the side. Xeno was busy searching the pile for any sign of the people beneath. Icey and Razorback lugged off another rock. On the rock underneath was a red stain.

They moved to the last and largest of the big rocks. As soon as they hauled it off to the side, the pile shifted and a woman underneath screamed in pain. Icey moved forward but noticed Razorback wasn't with him. As he glanced back, Razor shook his head and charged the pile.

All of the remaining rocks could be lifted by one man, but only because of Mercury's gravity. Icey moved to the other side of the pile so he and Razor would not be in each other's way as Xeno shifted aside some small rocks near the top. She found a hand. Immediately she was calling for a medic. Icey and Razor began moving rock back as fast as they could. Icey glanced up in time to see a good-sized rock fly down the tunnel away from the pile. Even in Mercury's gravity Icey didn't think that rock could be thrown. Another, smaller rock followed. Razorback was really in a hurry for some reason.

The lifter arrived just as they drug out the woman who'd been trapped. She was alive, but had a broken leg and a few cracked ribs. Somehow most of the pile had built around instead of on top of her. Maria arrived not long after, and began first aid.

With the lifter's help the rest of the pile was soon cleared, but the second person under it, a man, was already dead. The pile had crushed him instantly.

-----

1 day later...

Skeleton watch had just started and most of the ghosts had just gotten off duty. Tonight Altas was in the improvised Ops room on Level 4. Icey sat at the bar of the Deep End, there as much for company as for drink. That wasn't happening tonight though, the only other ghosts in the room were Xeno and Razorback and they tended to be quite content to be left alone. Actually, this was the first time he'd seen Razorback since the cave in. None of the other patrons were people Icey socialized with, and so he sat by himself.

As Icey sat he noticed a commotion on the far side of the room. It seemed a large man who was quite drunk was hitting on a woman who appeared not to enjoy it as much as he did. He had her by the arm and wasn't letting go as she struggled to free herself. Icey started that direction, but Razorback got there first. Razorback laid his hand on the man's shoulder.

"Friend, she said no. Let me get you a drink." It was the old standby for such situations, and sometimes worked, but not this time.

"No."

"I said let her go." Razorback was remaining remarkably calm, considering that the man dwarfed him and appeared to be taking a very strong disliking to Razor.

This time the man did as he was told. Then, staring at Xeno he leaned down and whispered something in Razorback's ear and... and Icey blinked. What the HELL had just happened?!

Razorback had the man pinned to the wall, and though the man was large, he appeared no match for Razorback. Quivering in the doorframe very close to the man's head was a knife. It was the type of combat knife often issued to soldiers but available in many places. Looking closer, Icey realized that the man's ear was cut and bleeding where the knife had nicked it.

Now it was Razorback's turn to lean forward and whisper in the man's ear. That was the quickest Icey had ever seen anyone sober up. Looking at the floor he smiled to himself as he realized why. The man's system couldn't have much alcohol left in it with a puddle that size under him. Icey signaled to the bartender to get a mop.

Razorback held the man against the wall with both hands, knowing if he pulled one away, it would invariably reach for the knife.

He'd realized what had happened almost immediately as the man had flown into the wall. Just for a second, he'd lost it. He'd realized his knife was in his hand and that the only way that he wouldn't use it was if he got rid of it, so he'd thrown it. He'd aimed as far to the side as he could, but he still hadn't regained full control and the knife had put a good gouge in the man's ear.

He was still worried that he might yet lose it, and he stood trying to calm himself. The man hadn't been drinking alone and one of his friends was drunk enough that he had yet to fully grasp what had just happened.

"Hey you can't do that," he said stepping up.

Icey saw the look on Razorback's face as the second man stepped up and noticed that one of his hands was moving toward the knife. Stepping up himself, he pushed Razorback's hand back down.

"Sit back down before you get you're friend hurt." Then to Razorback, "Not here, not now. We don't need dead civilians. We've got too many of them as it is."

When Razorback made no move Xeno stepped up and rested a hand on Razorback's shoulder. He glanced her way then stepped back and retrieved his knife. The knife vanished before Icey's eyes as Razorback moved toward the door. Xeno trailed behind him, but he disappeared outside and she came back in alone.

Icey decided this was as good a time to report as any. Dropping down to the sanctum, he went over the events again in his mind, working out answers to the questions he knew Maria would ask.

Maria sat and listened to his report on the evacuation of the upper levels, but she didn't seem overly interested. There were competent people in charge without her. The incident in the bar interested her, but she still seemed preoccupied.

"Do you think Razorback is a threat?"

"If he's not now, he will be soon."

Maria merely raised an eyebrow. She knew Icey had been watching the new Ghost and waited for clarification.

"He seems to be getting worse. Usually he seems to have control of himself, but... well, you've seen what it's like when he loses it."

"Yes, this last time we found most of an arm, if you don't count anything above elbow that is." Maria still seemed preoccupied, but she was focused on the conversation too.

"At least that was an enemy. I'm afraid one of us might be next."

"Who do you think it will be?"

"I'm most worried about Xeno."

"Yes, she is spending a lot of time around him now. Suggestions?"

"Well, all we can do is wait and see."

"Keep an eye on him." Icey didn't seem to think the comment redundant.

-----

Three days later...

Xeno was worried, Razorback hadn't even checked in since the incident in the bar. Her feelings were illogical, but they were there and she couldn't fight them. Or didn't want to fight them. And come to think of it, she'd done quite a few illogical things lately, but logical or not, she'd wanted to do them.

He'd disappeared before, but not for three days without checking in. She'd gone to his quarters to see if he was in there though she doubted it. Razorback spent less time in his room than she spent in the shower. He'd often go a week without opening the door. Looking around she took stock. There was his cot, with two sheets and a pillow, made quite nicely. Next to that was a table with a lamp. There was a dresser near the door and a desk and chair in the far corner. The desk was bare and had no drawers. The dresser was practically empty. The only item of note in the room was a notebook on the table, right next to his knife. She'd often seen Razorback writing in this in idle moments, claiming writing things down helped him sort out his thoughts.

Leafing through it she glanced at a few entries: one was about the goad he had recently completed, one was about several small problems in Fantasma colony that had not yet been fixed, one was on her... They were mostly rambling, but he claimed it helped him think. None were dated, though she suspected he could tell her to within fifteen minutes when each had been written. The most recent entry was the only one that was relevant.

The nightmares are getting stronger. I'm getting worse again. I've been spending a lot of time alone trying to fix it, but it's not helping. I'm afraid of what will happen if I lose it.

It wasn't this bad when I was alone. I didn't have anything to remind me, and if I did remember I only had enemies around me. Now I have too many friends, and I hope I don't lose it here.

I only told Del about it. I guessed, no, I knew she'd tell the others, but I still can't help feeling angry. They've all tried to help me in their own ways, but they're not. They can justify it all they want, god knows I've been doing that long enough. I'm surprised any of them believe me anymore, the excuse I gave Del was so hollow I could drive an Exec through it. I don't even know why I'm still writing, I can remember it all like most people remember their name. I knew I wasn't getting paid to simply draw. As much as I was paid, I knew they'd use what I created. And there was only one way to use them.

The truth is I didn't care. Not until that day. Navarre was so pleased with his new toy that he dragged me along to watch. I can still see the woman's face, all I have to do is close my eyes... Navarre didn't even question her, he just played. Christ and Hunter she screamed. She screamed until she tore the chords in her throat and kept trying to scream. When Navarre was done and they threw her into the incinerator in the back of the room her heart was still beating. I have a feeling she was still thinking.

I spent that evening throwing up until I had nothing left. I couldn't sleep, if I closed my eyes, I'd remember…I spent most of that night on my hands and knees dry-heaving. I hate myself for this, but I went to work the next day. And the rest of that week. I was brought in for two more interrogations... Navarre wanted me to see if I could improve on the thing. After that, I left.

Hunter's bones why can't I forget? Because I spent two damn years at that job, that's why. Two years... I can't imagine the pain some of those people went through. It had to go beyond pain.

I'm not getting much sleep anymore, the dreams... If I get an hour a day I'm lucky. Not that I want to sleep.

Damn, I don't even know why I carry a knife anymore, if I have it, I might use it.

I just pray that if I lose it, they can handle it... me. God, please don't let her get in the way.

The next page was a sketch, a portrait of the Ghosts. Central and largest was Xeno herself, and surrounding her were the other Ghosts. The sketch must have taken a while, it was exact down to the minutest details. It had the look of a black and white photograph to it. Then she noticed that Razorback had not included himself.

"So what do you think?" Xeno nearly jumped. Nearly.

Razorback stood in the doorway staring at her.

"How long have you been there?"

"A while."

"You forgot to include yourself."

"I'm the artist."

"I didn't know you could draw."

"Engineers have to be able to draw."

Xeno glanced back at the book. Her feelings were illogical, as were feelings in general. She'd read the book out of concern for him, so he shouldn't be mad. Still, she was worried he would be.

He walked over and sat down on the bed beside her. "I'm sorry about the bar... I lost it for a minute and-"

"Forget it," Xeno cut in. She really hadn't enjoyed watching him nearly murder a man.

"I should be better for a while. I think I'll be able to sleep."

"I was wondering where you've been."

"That's not something I want to talk about."

Xeno lay the book on the table, "If you think you can rest, I'd better let you."

When the door closed, the hall was still empty.

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