(C) 1997 Sean N. Koury.  Based on the universe and 
situations created by George Lucas.  STAR WARS and 
it's likenesses are owned by Lucasfilm Ltd. This story 
takes place about nine months after Star Wars: A New 
Hope.

STAR WARS: A Day in the Life of R2-D2
by Sean N. Koury

     The landspeeder slid to a halt outside of 
Trevane's Drinking Hole, nearly running over two 
slightly intoxicated Jawas.  One chittered angrily
in the driver's direction, then wandered off.  The 
driver smiled to himself, and hopped out of the 
speeder.
     "Oh, I can't abide those awful Jawas, Master 
Luke.  Disgusting creatures,"  said the tall, golden 
protocol droid in the passenger seat.
     Luke Skywalker chuckled.  "Yeah, I know, 
Threepio.  You say that every time we get within five 
feet of a Jawa."  He looked over at the entrance to 
the bar, then checked to make sure his lightsaber was 
securely fastened to his belt.  "At least we're on 
Chubra, and not Tatooine.  I don't think you have to 
worry about bumping into too many of them."
     Threepio looked as relieved as it was possible 
for a droid to look. "Thank the Maker for that," he 
said.
     Beside Threepio, the small astromech unit, R2-D2, 
beeped in agreement.
     "Oh, shush, Artoo.  No one asked your opinion!"
     Artoo flipped an electronic cherry Threepio's 
direction.
     Before the two could get into a heated arguement, 
Luke started to drag the protocol droid into the bar 
with him.  "Come on, Threepio.  Our contact should 
already be inside.  The Alliance needs the weapons he 
has, so we shouldn't keep him waiting."
     With one last look at Artoo, Threepio shuffled 
after Luke.  "Are you sure we should trust Artoo to 
watch the speeder, Master Luke?"
     "Just come on," Luke sighed, as Artoo twittered 
something that sounded strangely like a swear word at 
Threepio.
     As Luke and Threepio headed into the bar, the 
little astromech droid hunkered down near the 
landspeeder, and waited.

     After approximately twenty whole seconds of 
waiting, Artoo was bored. His domed-head swiveled from 
side to side, trying to catch sight of something 
interesting.  Unfortunately, Chubra City wasn't known 
as one of the galaxy's hot spots.  The most exciting 
thing Artoo could see was a family of Snivvians out 
for an afternoon stroll.
     Wait!  That Imperial officer spilling kramaki 
sauce down the front of his uniform was slightly more 
entertaining.  Artoo let out a bored-sounding
"Wooooooooo".
     Artoo's thoughts turned to three months ago when 
Wedge Antilles had walked up to him and Threepio, 
saying he had a surprise for them.  The two droids had 
been dumbfounded when their former master, Jann Tosh, 
had walked up.  Apparently, Master Jann had been 
serving as Wedge's wingman and had been on the same 
base as the two droids for quite some time.
     What were the odds of something like that 
happening?
     Just then, a familiar figure walked past, with an 
attractive human female.  The figure was a bounty 
hunter that Artoo had no desire to ever see again.  
Maybe he wouldn't notice the little droid.
     The hunter stopped.
     The female looked at the armour-encased man, and 
asked, "What is it, Skrak?"
     Artoo pretended to be working on the 
landspeeder's engine.
     Lawg Skrak glared down at the trying-very-hard-
to-be-invisible Artoo unit.  "That astromech reminds 
me of...."  He shook his head.  "But what are the odds 
of that?  Let's go."  The bounty hunter and the female 
continued on down the street.
     Artoo sighed electronically.  What a relief.
     "Uttinni!  Weechetahbah!"
     Now what?  Artoo swiveled to face this new 
disturbance.
     The two intoxicated Jawas had returned; one of 
them pointing an ion gun in the droid's direction.  He 
fired, but his aim was a bit off, and he hit a shiny, 
silver protocol droid that was making it's way down 
the road.
     With it's huge, Wookiee master.
     The Wookiee roared in outrage as the sizzling, 
blue ionic energy washed over his protocol droid, 
rendering it momentarily inoperable.  Artoo rolled to 
the other side of the speeder as the shaggy behemoth 
bore down on the two terrified Jawas.  They shrieked 
in dismay, and headed in the opposite direction of the 
bar, Artoo all but forgotten.
     Just then, a light flashed in the alleyway beside 
Trevane's Drinking Hole.  Artoo looked over at it, 
then back at the speeder.
     It should be fine for five minutes, Artoo 
concluded.  He rolled in the alley to see what the 
source of the light was.
     At first, the little droid saw nothing.  But as 
he rolled farther into the alley, Artoo could make out 
the shape of a man.  A man standing on a huge box.  In 
front of the box was a glowrod, sticking up out of the 
ground. And sitting all around the glowrod were people 
dressed in white clothes, each with a white hood 
covering their faces.
     "Long live the Empire!!"  they chanted.
     The man on the box yelled, "Yeth, my loyal 
followers.  You shall be rewarded if you join with me!  
Dark Invader!!!"
     Dark Invader!?!
     Artoo twittered with what could only be laughter.
     The crowd stopped chanting and turned to face the 
little droid.
     "Who dares mock Dark Invader, Lord of the Thith?" 
the man in black bellowed, hopping down off the box.  
He almost tripped over his long, flowing cloak as he 
made his way over to Artoo.
     The stormtroopers (at least, that's what Artoo 
figured they were supposed to be) followed after their 
Dark Lord, leveling their invisible blasters at the 
atromech unit.
     "What say you?  Are you a member of the 
Rebellion?  If so you shall be hung from your neck 
until you are dead!"  Dark Invader seemed impressed by
his own words.
     Artoo pointed out that he didn't have a neck.
     "Still you mock me?!  This is an outrage!  
Guards!  Destroy thith lousy excuse for a Rebel!"  The 
'stormtroopers' pointed their 'blasters' at Artoo and 
began making laser noises with their mouthes.
     Artoo just sat there.  Darth Vader would die of a 
heart attack if he could see this.  And if he had a 
heart.
     A 'stormtrooper' walked up to Invader, and said, 
"Milord, may I humbly suggest a strategic withdrawal?  
Our blasters are having no effect on this Rebel.  Must 
be some new shielding we don't know about."  He looked
at his Dark Lord fearfully.
     "Never!"
     Artoo zapped Dark Invader in the behind with his 
electric arc welder.
     With that, Dark Invader turned and ran screaming 
from the alley-way, his loyal followers close on his 
tail.
     The droid rolled back to the landspeeder, pausing 
to realize two kids were trying to steal it.
     Artoo rolled up to them, arc welder flashing.  
Soon two teenage hooligans were running down the 
street, yelling and covering the holes burn-
ed into their trousers.
     Artoo once again hunkered down by the 
landspeeder, and waited.

     By the time Luke and Threepio exited the bar, 
Artoo had witnessed two kidnappings, one murder, five 
street brawls and had zapped Dark Invader in the 
behind two more times (he was just as persistant as 
Darth Vader, Artoo would give him that).  The little 
droid had also witnessed eleven different species of 
pack animal use the washroom in the middle of the 
road.
     All in all, a pretty boring day.
     "Well," Luke said.  "The deal went quite 
smoothly.  Andar says all we have to do is follow him 
to Koovat, and the weapons are ours."  He helped Artoo 
into the speeder.  "Let's get back to the Falcon, and 
let the others know."
     "Very well, Master Luke," Threepio agreed.
     As the landspeeder raced through the streets of 
Chubra City, towards the Spaceport, Luke yelled back 
at Artoo, "So how was your day, Artoo?"
     Artoo beeped a reply.
     "What did he say, Threepio?"
     Threepio seemed at a loss for words.  "He said, 
Master Luke, that next time, you should watch the 
landspeeder, and let him handle the fun stuff.
And he seems to find that rather humourous."
     Luke just shook his head, smiled and kept on 
driving.

THE END

If you have any questions or comments concerning my 
story, please e-mail
Sean N. Koury at bobafett@voyageur.ca
(Author's note:  Just thought I'd try my hand at 
humourous story.  The last 
one I wrote, "The Sci-Fi Convention" [not Star 
Wars]met with awesome 
response, so why not a Star Wars one.  Anyway, I hope 
you laughed a couple
of times.)
Special thanks to my good friend, Shaun Scott, for 
giving me the idea and
name for Dark Invader.  I had a great time using him 
to poke fun at Vader.
Check out The Gallery of Jedi Mind Tricks (formerly 
known as The Koury's
Star Wars and Stuff Page) at:
http://www.voyageur.ca/~bobafett/index.html
Tank You Vedy Much