Barely scrapes in at four Morleys out of five. Just because I'm feeling whipped tonight.

Four Morleys out of five.

The moral of this story?

Never doubt the UberVince. (Or Shibes, the new golden boy ever since he rescued the show from the pits of despair in S.R.819.)

Yes, I will admit it, I had my doubts about this one. It sounded like Groundhog Day and a bunch of other movies and TV shows I have never seen. It sounded like another X-Lite, and that is something that I just can't deal with right now. It sounded like schlock. It sounded...

...but it wasn't.

It was GOOD.

Alfred Hitchcock, in all his infinite wisdom, once put it this way...(and I'm paraphrasing, of course).

There are two ways to shoot the same scene, of a group of men playing cards on a table. In one scene, the audience will be bored stiff, in the other, they will be on the edge of their seats. The difference is in the latter case, the audience knows something that the men do not - there is a bomb under the table.

My point here? 1) I have been watching too much film noir as of late, and 2) the very reason why I didn't like Ague Mala. "Suspense", in this episode, was created by concealment...ie., it was too dark to see anything (yeah, zero visibility is right), and there were these wormy things appearing out of nowhere to wrap around people's necks. It completely lost me. Instead of wondering, "Oh my god how are M&S and everyone else going to survive this?", I was wondering, "Hey! What's going on here?" The LA crew really has to work on the lighting problem especially...it was more noticeable in this one than in any previous ep this season.

Lack of suspense - or, the wrong kind of suspense - aside, this one didn't have much else to interest me. I was one of the handful of freaks that really liked "Travelers", and I was psyched to see Arthur Dales again. Unfortunately, there was no point to him being there. An opportunity that might have had serious emotional resonance (McCarthyist witchhunter-turned truth-seeker decays into an alcoholic old man living in a trailer park) was passed up in favour of...I don't even know what. And the Scooby-do-esque ending, with M&S explaining all of the missing pieces to Dales, just killed whatever atmosphere there was to begin with.

A couple people have commented on Scully's apparent callousness where Mulder is concerned. To this, I can't say I blamed her...he was a dick in the last episode, so...payback's a bitch. That didn't bother me all too much. The other stuff did.

1013: don't be afraid to show us the bomb. It won't ruin the suspense...it might actually heighten it.

Two Morleys out of five.

Before I begin...

* No, Krycek and Spender had no reaction to the toxic melting alien.

* No, CSM, or CGB, or whatever his name is, would never allow that much personal information about him to just be stored in a box somewhere in the FBI, nor have his picture on the computer, or anything like that.

* No, Fowley does not have the right to talk, associate with, or touch the Smokey One.

* Yes, Mulder's jive-talking is very out of character...

Regardless, Ashlea is in favour of any episode in which at least 60% of the shots were close-ups of CSM's face. And a lot of the rest had Krycek in them. And while she is COMPLETELY lost as to what's going on, she was one happy little Phile Sunday night.

So...there is so much that Ashlea loved about Two Fathers that she doesn't know where to begin. Some random observations...

* Slash writers, get going on those Krycek/Spender stories.

* Ciggy-angst! He looked SO unhappy in this one. I just wanna give the guy a big hug.

* Is it scary that I actually LIKE Spender now?

* Now taking bets...was it Bill Mulder or CSM who had that 70s hair? (not mocking 70s hair...my boyfriend has a similar haircut...)

* Anyone else have Demons flashbacks when CSM slapped Jeffy silly? He and Teena are MFEO, I tell ya!

* Continuity! Don't y'all just love it when Scully actually remembers her abduction and stuff? And Purity Control...and the train cars. Looks like CC's been watching those old eps for once.

* Now awaiting One Son with a mixture of anticipation and fear...pure, feral fear...

Five Morleys outta five! Because they showed a lot of Morleys....

...That was last week. This is this week:

Oh my god oh my god oh my god!

First off...WOW. Was that not incredible? I don't know whether I wanted to plam CC or give him a big wet kiss. There was so much to love and so much to hate about this episode, I don't know where to begin.

* Wasn't it good that Full Disclosure didn't really mean full disclosure after all? There wasn't a single thing in there that fanfic authors hadn't guessed at YEARS ago. That's a relief. (Except for CSM's haircut...what the hell was with THAT?)

* Another relief...CSM, Krycek, Skinner, Marita...all alive. I'm so happy. I was really going to stop watching if my Ciggy bought it.

* Well, at least there's still a threat. Actually, more of a threat, now that the Consortium isn't there to save us from colonization.

* Let's have a moment of silence now to honour the memory of our beloved dead.

Wow, are we on a roll here or something? Nearly half the season goes by with X-Lite and silly dream sequences, and then we get not one, but TWO great episodes in a row.

I will clarify. "Tithonus" is not the most original ep I've ever seen. As everyone damn well knows, my preference runs to mytharc and dark humour. It is as a result of so many non-case file, utterly boring and trivial episodes this year that this ep came as a breath of fresh air and seemed just completely wonderful. Had it followed "Musings", I would consider it forgettable. But even following last week's amazing ep, anything this dark is going to get a rave review from me.

So...things I loved:

1. Yeah, the darkness. This ep was SCARY and ANGSTY.
2. I still like Kersh. I know I'm in the minority. I just respect the man. For now.
3. Mulder, for the first time in awhile, was NOT annoying. He was actually kinda cute.
4. I think I have some kind of Scullyist tendency. I love seeing her actually DO something instead of just follow Mulder around.
5. Fellig ROCKED. I really liked the guy. I felt sorry for him, and laughed at his lines, and besides, I know a lot about photography. :-)
6. Did I mention that it was nice to see an old-fashioned case file for once?
7. Mulder's accidental interception of Ritter's correspondences with Kersh.
8. Was that CONTINUITY? Like, actually continuing a theme brought up in a previous ep. I'm impressed.
9. Well, has Vince ever written a *bad* ep? I mean, the guy's a shipper, supposedly, but he's still a damn good writer.

Things I didn't like...

Well, not much, actually. It was only the ending that bugged me a little. I'm really not big on Scullytorture. Call it prejudiced and hypocritical, but as much as I love seeing Mulder squirm around in his own blood, Scullytorture makes me queasy. Just a personal thing.

And what's with Ritter's Wild West imitation? I mean, I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to police procedure, but I don't think you generally fire on a suspect as you enter the room. I've been told that Ritter thought that the camera was a gun in the weird light, but he should have at least yelled, "Drop it" or something. He should have paid more attention in the FBI Academy...don't they have to fill out a report every time they draw a gun or something? Not too realistic. Except maybe in my country, where the police raided a children's birthday party and gunned a whole family down...

But I digress.

Four Morleys out of five. And I am absolutely DREADING "Two Fathers"/"One Son".

Eeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

My initial reaction after seeing S.R. 819. Somewhere between trying to quell the burst of fear-induced adrenaline and pure elation. Because yes - there is hope still for Ashlea's favourite show.

Who woulda thunk that John "Goatsucker" Shiban would be the one to breathe the first breath of life into an otherwise dismal season? As someone else said, he has finally found his niche in writing these quasi-conspiracy eps. Plotholes aside (how did Mulder and Scully miss Krycek's 5-inch eyelashes, anyway?) this was an amazing ep worthy of...well, of the X-Files. And that says a lot these days.

I can't even begin to name everything I loved about this one. So here are some random thoughts...

1. KRYCEK!!!
2. SKINNER!!!
3. KRYCEK!!!
4. MATHESON!!!
5. KRYCEK!!!
6. Our beloved trenchcoats have returned.
7. I actually cared about the outcome.
8. ANGST!!! Lots for everyone.
9. KRYCEK!!! (even though the homeless look does NOT suit him.)
10. The nanomachines were cool. They don't make no sense, but they were cool.
11. Tunisia=Strughold?
12. Krycek was back.
13. Mood lighting.
14. Sen. Matheson's new haircut. How cool was that? Ditto with the pigeons.
15. KRYCEK!!!
16. An ambiguous, confusing plot leaving the morality and allegiances of all key players in question.
17. Man, that Krycek guy sure looked hot in the last scene.

I think I've made my point. And as a result, I no longer look forward to each new ep with a growing dread...this is the show I know and love. It had everything...almost. A CSM appearance would have been nice...even a little one. But I'm nitpicking.

Thank you Mr. Shiban. I hereby renounce all goatsucker jokes. We forgive you.

4.9 out of five smokin' Morleys. None of which can be controlled by one of those pocket calculator things...::shudder::

How about we go with my mom's review on "Rain King"?

"This was shit."

I agree, for the most part. It gets half a stubbed-out Morley (out of five) for the line, "I brought you a leg." And for the cow. That's all.

But I am so looking forward to next week's ep. Senator Matheson will save the show! Right? He always does...

Hmmm...I don't think I even know what this one is called. I was told that this week was "Terms of Endearment", but, the only terms of endearment I heard were that devil guy calling his wives honey and his kids little bundles of joy. Made me sick. I think this episode was maybe "The Rain King".

Actually, this whole episode made me sick. God help me, the only thing that lifted me from my XF-induced pit of despair was Spender's appearance. He was actually funny. And, he did with the file what should have been done with the file. Yeah, Spuddy, way to focus on more important things. Mulder could take a few hints from this boy.

As for the rest - a waste of time. What could have been a lovely opportunity to explore some of Scully's unresolved motherhood/infertility/grieving parent issues was instead just a silly knockoff of...well, Rosemary's Baby. Which had fewer cheesy special effects and was much scarier. Go figure. I think CC's the one who's been consuming marijuana. I've said it before, I know, but it still holds.

And what's with Mulder, anyway? He was actually more annoying than Spender in this. And I don't even like Spender.

What else...does anyone else remember when music was used subtly on the show? The car, the cranking tunes...nah-uh. Bad L.A. Cheesy L.A.

I'm not even going to start with the fact that the whole episode made no sense. Because that seems to be the pattern this season, don't you think?

I'll give this...hmm...two demonic Morleys out of five. Again, I'm being generous. One is because of Spender, one is because I liked Rosemary's Baby.

Hello?

Knock knock?

Is ANYONE home in 1013-Land?

Could SOMEONE please tell me what the point of this fanfi- I mean, episode was?

The sad thing is, they almost had the right idea. For a second there, I thought that the Silver Surfer had been reading Dark Nascent's wonderful fanfic. And maybe he was. If D.N. wasn't dead, she coulda sued. But that ending...wow...that was fanfic too, and not GOOD fanfic either. Gak!

Okay, I know. Ashlea has been Little Miss Negativity since the movie. But really...there's a time and a place for humour...there's humour that is funny (Darin Morgan) and there's humour that just ain't (this ep). It's silly. It's over the top. And I think I am repeating myself again.

Last Sunday, Ash, her mom, and her cat-goddess drunkenly bemoaned the incoherent mess that is Season 6. As someone somewhere pointed out, 2/3 of this season have been all a dream. What bothers me is that nothing real is at stake here. Mulder and Scully are rolling around in their own blood on the floor, and do I get even the slightest echo of the adrenaline I felt during Redux II, or Anasazi, or The Erlenmeyer Flask, or even Gethes...uh...Geths...you know, the awful one where Mulder "died" and no one believed it for a second? Yes, I am well aware that this is supposed to be comedy, but the whole bleepin' season has been a comedy since Drive (and that one was actually funny...if unintentionally so...) and somehow it just fails to amuse me.

Oh well. Perhaps I am losing faith in the show. I was actually hoping during the aforementioned rolling-around-in-their-own-blood scene that CC would spontaneously decide to kill off the two leads and make WBD the star of the show.

That, or have Old MacDonald appear.

Well, a girl can dream, can't she?

Two semi-stale Morleys out of five. And just because Ashlea likes Lily Tomlin and is impressed that CC has been reading the Barnyard Series.

Last week, Ashlea wrote...

All right, this is a half-assed review as Ash is dead tired and her server crashed yesterday, when she actually had TIME to update. So just a couple of random observances...

* What, they couldn't afford to fly Bill Davis down from Vancouver or something?

* D'you think the Consortium gets a bulk discount on Morleys?

* Hey, Ashlea missed the wedding ring in Travelers, but she caught it in this one! Woohoo! (Okay, so she felt special for a minute there.)

* Kersh's secretary is cool. Really, really cool.

* The wife-beater shirt and briefs are not quite as good as red Speedos, but they'll do.

* Guess Mulder crying out Krycek's name in his sleep was too much to ask for...oh well.

The final analysis? Pretty good. Not brilliant, but DAMN funny. Is it just Ashlea or have all the episodes since the movie seemed to be parodying themselves? Weirdness...

Withholding rating until part 2...

This week, she hurled a bunch of expletives at no one in particular.

What the @#$% is going on here? Okay, she admits there were some good moments (the teaser, Scully handcuffing Morris-Mulder to the bed), but all in all, someone please tell Ash what the point of this episode was? That is, other than to remind her of what a bad idea the LA move was...

Memo to CC: Ashlea's mother is worried. She is afraid that Ash will not continue to visit her every Sunday if the show keeps on like this. I believe the phrase "grasping at straws" was mentioned...

Ashlea rates this one two Morleys out of five. And that's being generous.

Er...so...does everyone see how long it took for Ashlea to post her review of Triangle? Considering her usual strong opinions, she just couldn't make up her mind on it. That, and her server crashed AGAIN. It's been quite the week.

Okay...so she's still not decided. Things she liked...

1) CSM. Lots and lots of CSM, and he speaks German real good.
2) Manic!Scully.
3) Manic!Scully kissing Astonished!Skinner.
4) The Lone Gunmen in the Magic Bus.
5) The term "weasel" as it applies to Spender.
6) The camera work. Gorgeous.
7) The music. Stunning.

Hey, that's a lot of things, considering Ashlea's initial reaction was complete and utter disgust. Because...

1) Nazi!CSM makes her TRES uncomfortable. Just the implications. She doesn't want to go there.
2) Oh dear, what HAS become of our villains? Or, can't a person be bad without necessarily being connected to the Consortium? Kersh, I'm talking to you. Spudboy, Diana, pay attention.
3) Okay, I KNOW it's a dream, or a fantasy, or whatever, but am I supposed to believe that Not!Scully wrests control of the ship, fights off the Nazis and saves the world, all by her lonesome? And then the ship ends up abandoned in the Bermuda Triangle? Uh huh.
4) You knew I'd bring it up. The kiss. The other one. And the "I love you". And the general soppiness at the end. My teeth are rotting, it was so sweet. Blech.

So, in conclusion...

1) Despite my weird uniform fetish (don't ask!) I prefer real life CSM, in all his ratty-suited splendour, to any alternative incarnation.
2) I was beginning to wonder what the point of the LGM was, but they've redeemed themselves.
3) I like Scully again. I like Not!Scully too.
4) Mulder should know better than to make comments that could alter history. Also, saying "Deuschland Uber Alle" in the company of a horde of 1939 British sailors is probably NOT a good idea.
5) Scully: when on the phone with shady government conspirators, it is advisable to at least TRY to disguise your voice, just a little.
6) Manik was right. Skinner and Scully make a better couple than Mulder and Scully.
7) Just because Ashlea is an opinionated bitch doesn't mean that she can't still have moments of indecision.

This ep gets a dual rating. Taken alone, as a standalone, pure fantasy, not connected with the series, just as an hour of television, 4.9 Morleys out of 5. As an XF semi-mytharc episode, -1 Morley out of 5. And don't even ask me how negative Morleys are possible. They just are, okay?

...Ashlea would like to make a statement.

DRIVE

KICKED

ASS

She was getting really, reaaallly worried there for awhile. The Beginning was...disappointing. LA was too sunny. She prefers mytharc to MOTW.

But this was just plain wonderful. She was taken in right from the beginning, despite the lack of Ciggy. She was one of the befuddled idiots who thought it was a news broadcast. And it had her hooked immediately.

This was also the first time in a looong time that Ash found herself relating to Mulder. For those who didn't know, Ash is an agnostic of Jewish descent, and she's faced her share of antisemitism. And actually reacted very much the same as Mulder did. So that was kinda cool. She just found it fascinating how Crump...er...Mr. Crump developed over the course of the hour from a total bastard to someone she could almost...ALMOST feel sympathy for. That rarely happens with non-reoccurring characters.

Anyway...gotta cut this short...Design project's a-calling, but...yeah. Kudos to Vince - this one rocked. Okay...so the Speed thing's been done, and Scully didn't wear her decontamination suit when she should have, but it is the emotional interaction that makes the show, and this one had it.

Let's say...um...4.5 Morleys out of five.

How do you get half a Morley? Dunno...just smoke some of it.

Or...something like that. Anyway, all those long months of waiting are FINALLY over, and the new season is upon us at last. Was it worth it?

Hmm...Ashlea's first reaction was that the several hundred fanfics she read that resolved the season 5 cliffhanger/movie did a much better job than CC. Well, she still thinks that, but on a second viewing at least she UNDERSTANDS what was going on. She feels for anyone who missed either the finale or the movie because it still won't make any sense to them. She saw both, and she barely got it.

Anyway...some likes, some dislikes, some questions.

Liked...

1) Oh how I missed CSM. So nice to see him again.

2) Bitter!Gibson...just stunning. His nasty comments, which prompted the return of...

3) Independent!Scully. Yes, no more mopey, whiny, weepy little Scully for us. She might not have been saintlike in this episode, but at least she made some effort to be strong and stick up for herself. FINALLY.

4) No 'ship, no 'ship, teheehee...

5) The OPR hearing, and that scathing little mini-review of the movie. And finally a mention of expense reports. Ashlea was just cackling away at that.

Disliked...

1) One word. And this is a BIG issue. You know what it was. It was very non-CSM and completely threw off the whole scene, which was otherwise just wonderful. Ashlea is still in denial of the fact that Mr. Potatohead is in any way, shape, or form related to the Smokey One, and believes that there MUST be something more devious at work here. There HAS to be.

2) Did the nuclear reactor guy REALLY have to be named Homer?

3) Diana is still a plot device, and MAN does she look bad in the glare of the headlights.

4) Spudboy is an even bigger plot device.

5) Scully has taken Diana's place as The Least Efficient FBI Agent of All Time. If Gibson is so important, why doesn't she put him under guard? Or at least stay in there when she's making her phone call. Oy gevult.

6) Ash still utterly disapproves of the lizard aliens.

7) Too much Mulder and Diana in the nuclear power plant.

Questions...

1) Since when does CSM get a driver? (Well, not like he has one anymore.) He seems like the kind of guy who would drive his own cars.

2) How many more times can CSM and Mulder JUST miss running into each other. I want to see Mulder throw CSM against a wall and shove a gun in his face, damn it! (Sorry...I shouldn't be so public about my fetishes...)

3) Where the bleepin' bleep was Krycek?

4) Where the bleepin' bleep was Uniblonder?

5) And the biggest question of all...NO mention of WMM? Why the BLEEP not?

Ash gives this ep 4 Morleys out of 5. Why? 1 because CSM was in it, 1 because he got a lot of good lines in, although Ashlea thinks CC needs to get his head checked after the "son" comment, 1 because she really digs Bitter!Gibson, and 1 because the long wait is over and it was the SEASON PREMIERE!!!

Well, Ashlea has probably seen "The End" more often than any other episode, ever, by virtue of the fact that it was the only one she had on tape until recently. But it was on again last night, so she watched it at her mother's place. She's seen "The End" so often that she's got practically EVERY line memorized.

So just imagine her surprise when Fowley said, "It's been too many years getting into the minds of too many armed terrorists."

Did anyone else catch this one? The first time around, she said, "It's been too many years getting into the minds of too many ARAB terrorists." Whooaaa...okay...

Now, Ashlea doesn't really like Scully!Jealousy, and doesn't care at all whether Mulder pursues some freakish looking old flame, but she instantly disliked Fowley for saying that line. She wonders how many other viewers were offended by that. Ashlea thought that, okay, she's a racist, thus she MUST be a bad guy. That just confirmed it. Now, why do you think they would change that line? Too many complaints? A sign that they're trying to make Evil!Fowley into a good character? VERY interesting, if you ask me.

Onto more important things...Ashlea redeems all flaws in this episode by virtue of the fact that we got to see more of CSM than ever before...more gratuitous chest shots, PLEASE! (Oh, I can just hear the vomiting now...) C'mon, I didn't wince when we saw *Skinner* in his skivvies, some equality for Cancerfans...Actually, this was all around a good CSM episode, although Ashlea was a wee bit uncomfortable with the "I'm your father" line. No. It's just not cryptic enough. Besides the fact that they seem to be using this ep to shelve the whole process of making CSM a more sympathetic character. Don't get her wrong, Ashlea does NOT want CSM turned into another Deep Throat, NICE conspirator guy. But she doesn't want to see him ruthlessly trying to kill Mulder and Scully. It's just not his style...he's FAR more complex than that. And she hasn't given up on the idea that he might be Mulder's father...sorry...

Ashlea would like to know why when Spender and Mulder leave the shooter's cell, they don't lock the door behind them. I mean, no wonder arrested Consortium assassins are always getting killed. Security, people!

And why is Skinner always walking around with evidence from crime scenes? The bloody photograph in Redux II was bad enough, but now he's walking around with the Morley wrapper...police procedure much? Oy!

Ashlea has decided that she doesn't like Spender...regardless of the fact that he is apparently descended from Mr. Sexy Smoker. Doesn't matter. He shoulda stayed in the Great Mutato mask. She retains a wee bit of hope for him, remembering that Krycek wasn't too sexy at the beginning either, not until he got out of the suits and into the leather jacket...but somehow the idea of Spender in a leather jacket seems mildly incongruous. Too bad. She doesn't think he's going to work for the Dark Side, though. She would actually like for him to get killed as an excuse for more CSM-angst.

She regrets that Krycek and Mulder were not in the same scene. A little UST, please, next season?

Speaking of UST, why can't Scully get her act together and at least try to be a BIT professional? Jealous!Mopey!Scully is not a good thing. Ick.

Best scene: Hard to say. Ashlea liked the second scene...yeah, THAT one...Krycek and CSM in the same frame makes her world spin. But she went gaga over the scene with Spender and CSM in the parking garage...only because CSM was basically summing up a whole big issue that is absolutely integral to the show - and Spender was utterly clueless. Ashlea found it funny, anyway.

The kid. Yes, he's Scully and Frohike's lovechild. What else do you think Mulder would have done with all those ova?

The last scene...well, Ashlea liked it the first time, but in light of all the post-End fanfics she's read, she just doesn't feel the same about it anymore.

Ashlea rates this ep 4.5 Morley butts out of 5...hey CC, you could show us Morley-butts too...::slap! Bad Ashlea!::

Ashlea didn't like this one AT ALL the first time she saw it. It isn't an X-File by any stretch of the imagination. Sorry, but it's not. Yeah, so the blind girl's got special powers...so what? You basically get an hour of Mulder moping over Marty while Scully does...nothing. It lacked the dark, creepy quality that makes Ashlea love the show so much.

Watching it again last night, Ashlea's opinion is somewhat altered. She doesn't LOVE it, but she likes it much better, mostly due to Lili Taylor's acting. There was something about the voice, the mournful expression, that made Ashlea sympathize with Marty Glenn. Coupled with the chilling portrayal of the drug dealer guy, she felt it was a great character study, albeit not of characters she really likes.

Maybe she was just disappointed the first time. After learning CSM was alive and well in "The Red and the Black" and the first couple moments where you see Marty smoking alone in her room, she was really hoping the chick would turn out to be one of CSM's illegitimate children. Having no such illusions the second time around, Ashlea was better able to concentrate. It's a mediocre story with good characters. Season 5 was just generally inconsistent in quality - she would have considered this ep good for any other show, but not for the X-Files.

Ashlea gives this one 3 Morley butts out of 5.

How about we do it character by character, just like they did?

Mulder/DD: Well, okay. He wasn't too obnoxious. Ashlea's mom thought his comment about Scully being Mulder's "human credential" was kinda cute. Yeah, okay, Ashlea thought it was cute too. Minerva watched silently, entranced.

Scully/GA: One of Ashlea's favourite parts was the collage of Scully clips, each beginning with: "Are you suggesting that..." She thought it was the most telling character exploration she'd ever seen. Ashlea's mom thinks GA has a lisp, and wants to know why someone would go into acting if they had a lisp. Ashlea pointed out that although the stars of XF are attractive, they are by no means physically perfect, and that makes the show more realistic.

Ashlea: Y'know, deep inside my soul, I not only have Scully's figure - the current Scully, not Pregnant!Scully - but I have her hair colour as well.

Mom: I think her hair is out of a bottle just like yours.

Ashlea: Don't shatter my dreams.

Minerva watched silently, entranced.

Skinner/MP: Well, he didn't really say too much of substance, did he? Ashlea's mom thinks he looks younger without glasses. Ashlea is in concurrence. Minerva watched silently, entranced.

Deep Throat/JH: Again, not much there, except it was nice to see him again. Ashlea's mother was talking, so Ashlea didn't catch much of it. Minerva has not made any movement, at all. Funny, she's usually much more talkative.

X/SW: Ashlea perks up as Steven Williams voices his theory about X faking his own death.

Ashlea: X, they're never gonna let you back with both your ears pierced!

Mom: I never liked it when men pierced both their ears.

Minerva: Mrrraoooow!

Marita/LH: Ashlea sincerely apologizes for not being able to spell or pronounce Marita's last name. I mean, what was CC thinking, giving her a name like that? Did he just do it to torture fanfic writers? I think so!

Ashlea: She's got a lisp too!

Mom: Not as much of one.

Ashlea: Well not there, but usually. Maybe Chris Carter has a thing for lisps.

Krycek/NL: Keep in mind, Ashlea's mother is NOT a huge X-Files fan. She has no knowledge of her daughter's little slash fetish. She has no idea of what Ashlea writes over the Internet. She does not know the meaning of M/K.

Mom: Wow, he's really into S&M, isn't he?

I'm not kidding, that's what she said.

CSM/WBD: Ashlea's mother was talking at this point - Minerva was once again quietly watching - Ashlea did an extravangant - "SSSSHHH! The Smokey One is speaking!"

Everyone shuts up.

Ashlea tries very, very hard to contain herself.

Mom: You know, he *is* pretty hot for an old guy.

Yes. Yes. Triumph at last.

Mom: I mean, even *I* think he's old.

(WBD makes comment about Mulder not being a responsible citizen - much laughter ensues from in front of my TV.)

Ashlea: *That's* what makes him hot.

The cut scenes: The scene with Scully's boyfriend would have been good to include. Ashlea would have liked it if Scully had a life, at least in the beginning, before she got TOO obsessed with The Quest. It would have fleshed out the character more, instead of making her Mulder's little sidekick right from the start. She felt, however, that the scene from Momento Mori with Bill Jr. was awkward and stilted, and only served to make her hate the annoying little @#$% more than she did before.

In conclusion...

Ashlea considers this to be very well done - there was a brief twinge of disappointment there when they showed clips from the movie, but she quite liked this. Definitely worth coming home for. She had two major critiques.

1) CC and some of the actors were pretentious. It got on her nerves. She knows damn well that she and the other hardcore fans were not the targets of the movie. The target of the movie was to make as much money as possible. Who are we fooling here?

2) Almost everyone's theories on the success of the X-Files were included except for WBD's? Why? He gives speeches on it. She's read the transcripts. She wants to hear what Mr. I-have-a-philosophy-degree-and-I'm-not-afraid-to-use-it thinks of the show. But then again, Ashlea always wants to see more WBD...

Ashlea rates this 3.75 Morley butts out of 5, and only because she would have rather watched a real episode...she's going through withdrawal.

Post-Modern Prometheus

Okay, okay. I confess it.

Post-Modern Prometheus is my favourite X-Files episode of all time.

::Ash dodges rotten tomatoes and lit Morleys from all the noromos::

Don't get me wrong. I'm still a noromo. I don't want them to get together, okay?

But...aww...isn't it SO cute?

I mean...I could do without the almost-kiss at the end. That was over the top. But the diner scene...and the implied intercourse with barnyard animals, and the raging mob, and the black-and-white, and...CHER!!

Who could resist?

Not Ashlea.

I swear, I will watch Syzrgy 50 times in penance. But this is my guilty pleasure. I love this ep.

Ashlea gives this a whopping five out of five smouldering Morleys. And she thinks Chris Owens shoulda stayed in the mask.

God, I hadn't seen this one in AGES. My first impression, watching it again last night, was that it wasn't nearly as good as Talitha Cumi, although it still rocked. Definitely puts anything done in season 6 to shame...of course that doesn't say much.

What made it anticlimactic after Talitha Cumi, which had more talk and less action? Specifically because it had TOO MUCH action, or at least action of the wrong kind. Talitha Cumi was character-driven, and worked well in that respect. Yes, it had insane plotholes, but it didn't matter because that wasn't really what the episode was about. Herrenvolk was too preoccupied with agonizing death and car chases.

The things I liked: the teaser with the clone kids was truly creepy. It was nice to watch Marita's introduction again...yes, I like Marita, why do you ask? I did back then, too. Mulder's angst at the clone farm was heartbreaking. And Jeremiah Smith...now that is a character I would love to see again. Or one of his clones, anyway.

The thing I loved most of all: CSM holding Teena's hand, looking oh-so-pitiful. The man is such a hottie...::sigh::

All in all, a 4.5 out of 5 ep. It's a big tangled mess of mythology, just how I like 'em.

Sorry, sorry, I couldn't resist. ;)

This is the ep that started it all for me. The first one I saw, ever, was "Soft Light", but "Talitha Cumi" was the one that made me a fan. To this day, I am still not positive why. I think it was the interrogation scenes - intelligent and pointed, they set up a debate which still resonates throughout the show. And they made me start liking CSM.

Watching it again last night, I was painfully aware of the many plotholes. Wouldn't it have been easy enough for Teena to have written "LAMP", and thus eliminated the whole Mulderleap problem? And the fight scene with X was VERY fake, and the second Mulderleap, with "the date has been set" comment coming out of basically nowhere, and...

...who cares. It is a great ep nonetheless. It had the aforementioned tip to Doestoyevsky, the lovely CSM/MulderMom discussion, Mulder slamming CSM against a wall and pointing a gun at him...::sigh::...

What more could a girl like me want?

Five Morleys out of five.

...or, Ash FINALLY sees F. Emasculata.

Is that how it's spelled? Anyway...eww. It takes a lot to gross out Ashlea. (Remember, she lives in a student hovel.) But that was just gross. This ep gets an initial 2 points just because she respects ANY art form that can bring her to ALMOST spew the lovely glass of rum & Coke she was drinking at the time. I mean...those pulsating boils...blech.

Add another point for any ep that features CSM, and another point for any ep that has CSM being RIGHT, and we've got a four smouldering Morley episode. Yes - for the record, Ashlea believes wholeheartedly that CSM was completely in the right on this one, she agreed with everything he had to say. Usually she doesn't - usually she just thinks he's cute and forgives him for any indiscretions. But in this case, she truly believes he had humanity's best interests at heart. Whatta guy.

Which brings her to her next point. Now. If Ashlea had a dirty mind or wrote more slashfic, she would REALLY want to know what CSM was doing, in the dark, in Skinner's office, at what Mulder said was a late hour. That kept her giggling all night. Even her mother thought that was odd.

Anyway - this is a ramble, because it's late at night, and Ashlea has a pile of stuff to do. To cut it short - four out of five Morleys and a pulsating pustule. Eek!

Now, Ashlea has a theory about CSM lovers. She sees it like this. Most people don't appreciate what a cool guy he is. Most people don't find him attractive - in fact, they find him quite repulsive. There's nothing wrong with that, really, they're just wrong.

A very small minority of people agree with Ashlea that CSM is not only VERY cool, he just about oozes sex appeal - or at least he's appealing in that dark, mysterious, smokey kinda way. How do these people stray off the beaten path of Mulderlust? Ashlea thinks it happens due to one of three episodes..."Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man", "Talitha Cumi", and "One Breath". All feature progressively sympathetic characterizations, all give the Smokey One a great deal of screen time. (Ashlea, wipe that drool off your keyboard NOW!) Ashlea herself was converted to the Dark Side after viewing "Talitha Cumi", but only because she'd never seen "One Breath". If she had only started watching the X-Files sooner, she would have been hooked after that particular ep. It's the first one that really twists the mythology around and makes you think - hey! What if CSM is really working for the good of all mankind after all? I mean, yeah, he does some pretty evil things in his line of work, but if the general public knew of the things he knew...well, it would all fall apart.

And Ashlea WAS drooling, a lot. I mean, when do we ever get to see CSM in anything other than a suit and tie? Not often enough, I'd say!

Um, that aside - Ashlea thought all of those shots of Scully lying on a flat surface only served to overemphasize the natural results of Gillian Anderson's pregnancy. Couldn't they have tried a few different angles? Ashlea can't help but wondering how many adolescent boys had to scrape themselves off the ceiling after viewing that particular ep.

She would also like to thank Mulder for not stooping to baser instincts and shooting CSM. Her life would have been so drastically different, and her fanfic career cut short.

Ashlea gives this ep 4.9 Morley butts out of 5.

Once again on the nostalgia trip, Ashlea re-watched the 1st season finale (hey, remember that one?) and experienced yet another deep pang of loss. ::Sigh:: The eps were so good back then. Not to trash Season 5...but...dontcha just miss the early ones?

Not much to say, actually, Ashlea is recovering from the Cold From Hell, and was in somewhat of a daze last night. She perked up a couple times - Scully's "monkey pee" comment, Mulder's "Obi Wan Kenobe" diss, the fact that the last scene is almost exactly the same as the last scene in "Pilot"...wonder if CSM ever got tired of filing bizarre alien parts, and looking ominous.

Of course, the cold-hearted little Ashlea actually got a tear in her eye watching Deep Throat get shot for about the fifty-millionth time. She can't help it. It's just so sad. They didn't need to kill him, not that early. It was just...wrong. Not to mention starting CC's tradition of killing off at least one major character per season...

The whole ep is characterized by its sense of finality - the idea that things are never going to be the same again. Few episodes can pack this kind of emotional punch. It's the definitive "loss-of-innocence" ep...and it's just beautiful.

Ashlea gives this ep 4.9 Morleys out of 5, and a big ol' tear.

Ashlea has three words.

Oh. My. God.

(For the curious, that was said with an upper-crust British accent, a la WMM.)

Yes, it's true, up until 9:15 last night, Ashlea had NEVER seen the very first XF episode before. And that's pretty strange, considering she's been watching it more or less from the middle of the second season. But she atoned for this great sin last night.

And all she has to say is...WOW.

It had all the trappings of a cheesy 80s movie, in the best way. Ashlea is of the age where she gets nostalgic for the 80s and thinks it all went downhill when the Berlin Wall fell. (She'll get into her socio-political theories one day, don't you worry.) She can't really identify what it was about it...it was just...different, somehow. More lively. She's watched almost nothing but 5th season eps for the last two months or so, and she honestly feels that Moose and Squirrel were sleepwalking through the 5th season. They looked...ALIVE. Passionate. No overacting, just young, fresh honesty. They didn't look much older than the victims. Can you imagine the 5th season Mulder jumping around in the rain, ecstatic because he lost 9 minutes? Yeah. That's what she thought, too.

Ashlea had a wide grin on her face all the way through it - you know that smug, know-it-all look? That one. Like when Scully leaves the implant with ::giggle:: Blevins. Or when she shoots those looks at CSM. (Off-topic, Ashlea is almost completely convinced that Scully had somehow met CSM before, she REALLY looks like she recognizes him and is surprised to see him lurking in the FBI building.)

She also wants to note the very first Mulderleap - how the HELL does he figure out that it's Billy Miles? What a fine tradition that started!

She would give 5 packs of Morleys to know what CSM was whispering to Blevins. (Actually, she'd give even more to have BEEN Blevins at that particular moment, but we won't go there.) And she barely repressed a squeal of joy at the final scene, where the Smokey One closes the door to the file room in the Pentagon and the sign reads...

Yeah, you've got it.

Know Your Exits.

Woohoo!

Ashlea rates this ep 5 out of 5 Morleys, because...well, because it was the first, and she got the title of her web site from it.

Postscript: Ashlea would like to send out a big hugs n' fishes to Cigarettes-R-Us for sending her 3 videotapes full of old conspiracy eps...thank you thank you thank you!

I wonder how many other philes find it almost impossible to control their drool levels while watching this episode with their semi-phile housemates? I bet a lot. I know I did.

I feel like a doting parent going through an old picture album. "Awwww, isn't this cute? This is the one where Ciggy says his first words..."

My, he looked wonderfully brooding, staring out the window in Skinner's office. ::Ashlea cleans drool off her keyboard::.

Ummm...yeah...so...episode good. As if Hot!CSM wasn't enough, we have Naked!Tooms and Stripped!Down!Mulder crawling around in tight spaces...mmmmmm...

And then we've got that lovely air of foreboding that seems to hang over season 1...we know something big and drastic is going to happen, we just don't know what. Well, we do know what, but don't I just wish I was around during the first season to play these guessing games...

Five outta five Morleys, none of which have even trace amounts of bile on them.