I can't think of anything I want to yell about now. If you have any ideas mail them to me.
{ Ok, this may be the coolest thing ever produced by a friend of mine. I sent Craig Bettenhausen one of those weird please send back surveys. Most of his answers were a word or two....one of them was a little more. They asked him whether he likes celsius or fahrenheit....this was his response: }
Fahrenheit. We are in America, we shall use American terms. The metric system...the metric system is a tool of Satan. It is brought opon us to strip us of our identity as a nation. We are themost powerful nation on the globe. The world can conform to us. The metric system can stay the hell out of US schools and US brains. If you want to use the metric system go back your third world countries, and get the heck out of ours. For instance, if I want to measure and inch I can estimate it as the second joint of my pointer finger. It'sa bout an inch. It's like 3.5679 whothehellcares cm long. And if I want to measure a foot? I can use.... surprise suprise, MY FOOT! How many meters is my foot? Plus our system is based on the Roman swho were much smarter and influential people than the crackheads who came up with the metric system. Keep the metric system away from anything that matters.
The Theory of Pie
by Craig Benttenhausen
I have a theory, and so far, no one has been able to prove me wrong. My theory is that Pie, a round dessert with any number of fillings and crust flavors and consistances, is useful in any and every situation. In jail? What's more classic than the old nail file in the pastry? Been sentanced to death by lethal injection? a pie with bulletproof crust could prove useful in escaping . And now, the first and best proof: The test.
You may be thinking, "how could a pie be useful in a test? That's dumb. I'm going to shoot you and torture your family all because you said that." But what if you had the answers to the test written on a pie? See, teachers are always looking for pieces of paper and writing on arms and neighbors and such. But they ain't lookin for a pie. When you are done, you eat the pie. No evidence. It's the perfect crime. An A+ and a yummy pie.
If you want to try and refute my theory, you can e-mail me your feeble attempts at
CraigMacTG@aol.com. A lot of the questions are similar, so a lot of the answers are too. Also mail me if you have questions or complaints about my ratings.
Craig B.
These are some very wise words from Craig:
Many things have happened in the past little while. And these things have brought some wisdom that I felt I should share, so if this helps you out in any way, that's good, if it doesn't, you might want to just file it away for a rainy day.
Life is not a destination. Life is a journey and like it or not, death is the destination of everyone's journey. That said it stands to reason then that life is to be enjoyed. You only get one life. That's not to say you should go out and party all night every night and drink exessivly and do a bunch of drugs and womanize like there's no tommorow. Because there is tommorow. And when you get to the destination, all that's going to matter is, how hard did you try. I have a religious analogy that goes right along with this, but I'm not trying to evangelize in this letter, just trying to help anyone who might need it. You have to ask yourself, are you happy with your life? If yes is your answer, great. I'm happy for you. But if no is the answer, then do something about it. If your not happy with your life because you never take opportunities to enjoy yourself, then next time, take that opportunity. And don't let concerns for what people will think of you get in the way. You have to do what's right for you. One thing that can lead to a much more fulfilling life is faith. Haveing someting that runs deeper than any other thing in the human experience is a wonderful feeling. And be honest with yourself, your opinions, your friends, your girl or boy friends. You can never be truely happy living a lie. And one last thing for today. Leave stress where it starts. Don't let stress at home effect you when your with your friends. Don't let stress at school come out at home. Don't think about it untill you can do something about it. And when you can, do. Never let a stressful situation last longer than it needs to. If you are having a spat with somone, don't leave untill till it is resolved. If it divides you, that is sad, but it would have eventually done so anyway. And if that happens, let the pain out and then let it go. Now tonight, get enough sleep. And tommorow wake up, eat, and start resolving difficulties. You'll feel better and be more satasfied with your life, I promise.
Hope I was of some help to someone,
Craig Bettenhausen
Woohoo! I found it in my mail cabinent after a long time looking for it. i thought this was written by Craig but I'm not sure...oh well.
I have a question to propose to the lot of you today; if a dog is on the lawn and urinateing how can you tell if a song is a cover? It's nearly impossible to get a dog off your lawn if it is one of those ballsey dogs that doesn't give credit to the people who originally wrote it. This angers me because I didn't buy a house with a yard so that any old dog could come and make huge profits off of it ten years later. also then I have to clean up cause lord knows that the public wouldn't give me any credit for the song, just the bitch that takes it. If I allow any dog to use my lawn as a toilet, it'll be someone who I approve of and is talented not some big name with lots of cash to bribe me. So if you let your dog free and it comes to my house to whiz, I'ma shoot it, unless it's an artist I've hand picked to be hier to my musical inspiration. and they damn well better clean up if it's number two and if it's number one on the charts i want some damn credit.
Thank you for you time ,
Kangaroo Handshake
The time has come for me to clear up any confusion as to the bible and homosexuality. Cause there are alot of asshole out there giving everybody the wrong impression and making christianity look bad, and that will not be tolerated. And so Craig returns to rant again.
The bible says that homosexuality is wrong. This is true. But that is where people use that as an exuse to be bigots. Such people should be hunted down, drug into the street and beaten with a stick with the word "hypocryte" written backwars so it will be written on thier flesh so they can't be confused with worthwhile people. I say this for two connected reasons; to hate in the name of the lord is idotic, because his book specifically speaks against that sort of thing; but the biggest reason is that it says many times in the bible that all sins are equal, therefore since they are going against the bible by hating in the name of the bible they are committing a crime equal in all ways to any act of homosexuality, and so they they themselves should be doing to themselves whatever punishment they are visiting on the homosexuals. Stupid Whores. You can dislike the crime, but you can't hate the criminal. If you're gonna hate, get the hell off my solid rock, and go stand in the shifting sands with your beliefs.
If you would like to be a guest rambler then you can mail me your rant and I'll rate it and post it.
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