TITLE: Two Steps Back AUTHOR: Susanne Barringer EMAIL: sbarringer@usa.net ARCHIVE: Anywhere okay with these headers attached. CATEGORY: VA KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully UST SPOILERS: Fight the Future RATING: PG-13 for a few words SUMMARY: Sequel to "One Step." Mulder contemplates Scully's choice. DISCLAIMER: Not my characters. They belong to Chris Carter, 1013, and Fox. No money is being made off their use; no infringement intended. _____________ Okay all you people who wanted a sequel, here it is. I'm not promising it's what you asked for, though. The first part of this story, "One Step," is available at my webpage: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dreamworld/2442 or from me via e- mail. ____________ Two Steps Back by Susanne Barringer When Scully stepped away, it took everything I had not to howl my frustration out loud. To be honest, it was not at all what I expected from her. We stood there with barely more than a sliver of air between us, and I knew that she would lean back into me, that I would take her in my arms, that we would finally live the life that we were meant to live with each other. I did not think she would step away. I could feel her hesitation, and I understood it. Of course there would be some hesitation. I expected that. I did not expect the refusal. When she stepped away, my heart puddled in my stomach and I felt my entire world shudder, challenging everything I had come to believe about us. Sure, I have been rejected by women before. This was totally different. For one, it hurt in a way I have never known. Scully's step forward ripped through my body like fire, scorching each cell individually like some sort of metaphysical torture. Secondly, I knew she didn't mean it. Like every man, I've been embarrassed by rejected passes and the humiliation of having a woman turn away from me. But I am not humiliated about this, nor am I embarrassed. I know that I have not misinterpreted Scully, not after all this time. I am right, and that is exactly why it aches so much. The kiss we almost shared defines our entire relationship. We have danced that closely, our love just fractions from being displayed. We have stood one step away from each other for five years now. Sure, sometimes it has been a chasm as wide as the universe, but recently it has been just the slightest of baby steps. We have never stood so close to the inevitable. The fractions have become millimeters. And in my hallway, right before that tragic, most ironic of events, the distance had dissolved from millimeters into nothing. I could see tonight that it was a struggle for her--the way she wouldn't look at me during dinner, the way her hands trembled while doing the dishes, the way her voice shivered over my name. Underneath it all, though, buried under the hesitation and the doubts and the questions, I saw the desire and the love encircling her like a radiant blanket. It wrapped around me, fighting for life despite the suffocating power of her fear. I saw it. I felt it. I would not have acted otherwise. I know she was scared. Hell, I'm terrified. Of her, of letting her down, of not loving her well enough, of not being all she needs me to be. I didn't think, of all people, that Scully would let that fear control her. She is so strong, so unwavering, so indomitable. Why does she let love be her vulnerability, her weakness? Not my love. Never my love. Not when we are so unconquerable together. We have been able to fight off the darkest evil together. Our only weakness lies in being apart. That is why I was so desperate when she told me she was leaving the Bureau, so frantic to keep her by my side. Without her, I am unguarded, unprotected, defenseless. Standing with our backs up against each other, facing the world and its challenges, Scully and I are invincible. Standing face to face, we are more than that--there is no world out there, no universe, that could defeat us. All she has to do is take that step to face me. I should be angry, and part of me is. But I am not angry at her stepping away. I am angry because she cannot see what I am offering her. It is not sex, or love, or my heart. It is my entire life. Everything that I am, everything I have accomplished, the simple fact that I am still alive--all of that I owe to her. I offered her my life and she stepped away. She doesn't see it. She doesn't understand that there is nothing to fear. When she stepped away, my first reaction was to walk out of there. Fuck you, Scully. If it was anyone besides Scully, that's exactly what I would have done. But this is Scully. I waited. I gave her one more chance even though I knew she wouldn't take it. I knew that whatever had forged her decision, whatever it is that scares her, would not change in those few extra seconds. I waited anyway. I wanted her to know that I would give her another chance. I will give her another chance. In fact, I will make her step away from me over and over and over again until she can't do it anymore. Until she gets it right. I will not take no for an answer. Not when I know it is the wrong answer, for both of us. END __________ In the words of Chris Carter, "The word 'sequel' scares me." I hope this lived up to the former. sbarringer@usa.net All my fanfic available at my webpage: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dreamworld/2442