words of wisdom from Homer J. Simpson

As good a role model as any!!!

"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and

kids with fake IDs."

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life

if you had an electrified fooling machine."

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is

important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except

the weasel."

"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now

quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."

"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's

problems!"

"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city,

keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would

explode! think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"

"I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will

get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh,

good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'"

"Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."

"Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty.'

Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'"

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the

time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well,

goodnight."

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you

win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't -

it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil

wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in

every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

"Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that

guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name?

We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all

those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody

laughin', did you?"

"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding,

'you're making a scene.'"

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Remember that great love and great achievement involve great risk

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