The man clad in crimson and black blinked and shook his head, trying to clear his head.
"Huh." He said, looking around. "I really must of drank myself under the table becuase, I could of sworn I passed out in Clark's but, here I am, sitting some scuzzy alley way, picking ants outta my nose. Something stinks and it's not just that whino that shit his pants!"
Wade Wilson, is better known as Deadpool, and also happens to be our lead character and protagonist. Well, more or less anyway. You see, Mr. Deadpool is known for doing some not-so-nice things but, he always feels that his reasons are just. Even if that reason is "Just because." He is best known as the Merc-with-a-Mouth. While he is one of the best there is at what he does, no ones figured out which of his talents he's talking about, contract killing/merc work or, running his mouth.
"Hey! I heard that!"
Um...anyway, what our hero doesn't know is that this is not the world he once knew. He had woken up in a world he never had any part of. His home and everything he's ever known are gone or replaced by familiar strangers. A large scale cosmic event or something erased the world that he came from. Mostly, because the writer hasn't figured it out yet, it is unknown as to how or why Deadpool is in the new world as he was and not replaced by this world's version of himself.
"You're shittin' me!?!?!"
Um...anyway, he's just about to find out that something is very wrong. As he looks about the alley, trying to get his bearings and find the way back to the DeadHut, he makes a startling discovery.
"Wow! Sounds big, what is it?"
Would you please stop talking to me? You're making my job as the narrator very hard. You're supposed to ignore me and go along with the story! Not talk back and ask questions! If you keep talking to me, the rest of the people that DON'T hear me and play like they're supposed to are going to think you're crazy!
"What else is new?"
Point taken. C'mon, we can discuss this later, will you please just go along with the story?
"What will you give me?"
A Scooby-Snack?
"Deal!"
*sigh* As I was saying, Deadpool is about to make a shocking discovery!
"Holy Testicle Tuesday!" he shouted at the sight before him.
On the ground, laying in a puddle of blood that seemed to be his own, was a man, in a very familiar set of under-roo's.
"It's me!!"
No shit Sherlock.
"Hey, now! If I can't talk to you, don't be taking shots at me.
Sorry.
"S'alright."
Being the curious chap that he is, Deadpool approached his seemingly dead doppleganger. He looked for a few seconds and kicked it a couple times.
"This is just plain creepy man. I hope that this isn't some future world and I'm witnessing my own death. I mean, then I have to try and go back to the past and try to stop myself from dieing, even though I'd already died. Ug! Time travel stuff gives me a headache. Only one way to find out if he is the one and only me."
Wilson pulled the mask off the corpse of himself (or whoever) and was surprised to see a full head of dark hair fall out as well as a face that didn't resemble the Hamburgrer Helper that he had for dinner last night. In fact, the face was one that Wade was familiar with. It was his, before the cancer and the Weapon X Project. What Wade doesn't know is that there was a cure for cancer in this world. That he never had to submit himself to the Weapon X brand of cure. He never had to face all the tortures that our Wade was put through. The late Wade, laying face down on the slimey concrete was everything our Wade wished he could be.
Well, you know, except for dead and all.
"Ya know, I'm suddenly not so sure that I want to be this world's Deadpool anymore. I mean, look at what happened to the last guy. Geez, Louise, I mean, if I wanted to be a corpse, I could of stayed in the old world and not have to actually do all that thinking and stuff that's required in finding out who killed me...er, him. I mean, why couldn't I wake up in a world where I have a private harem that take turns licking my balls and giving me all sorts of other pleasures? Noooo, I gotta get stuck in a world that's the same, or probably worse then the last one and I still ain't getting any nookie. No loving for the 'Pool man!"
After ranting for several more minutes, Deadpool decides to search the corpse of his alternate self. In the backpck, he finds a trench coat and an assortment of weapons. Most of which he doens't know what they do, or how they're used but, he figures there's one way to find out! Still, Wilson has seen all sorts of high-tech weaponry and these are nothing like anything he has every used.
"New toys!" he says, beaming from ear to ear underneath his mask.
Continueing the search, he takes that Deadpool's wallet, finding several fake I.D.s, a couple hundred dollars cash, and a condom.
"Woohoo!! There's hope for the Little 'Poolman yet! Waitaminute. Damn! Most people that condom's in their wallets have them there because they never get to use them." Wade sighed and pocketed the wallet anyway.
"Hey! This is just what I need!" he stated, removing the teleporter belt from his dead self. "With this, I can just set it back to home and see where this guy comes from. I sure as hell ain't living here with that rats and that Whino that's looking at me like I'm his new girlfriend. Hell, where ever this me lives, it can't be worse then this. Can't be much worse then my old place either. "
Strapping the belt around his waist, Deadpool pressed the insignia in the buckle and smiled as he was teleported away from the alley.
"I'm going to have to take a week long shower to get this smell off of me!"
With that final quip, Wade Wilson was gone. Decideing to make the best of his situation and try to live the life of his other self. After all, how hard could it be to pretend to be himself?
I guess that we'll see.
"Tune in next time! Same Dead-time! Same Dead-e-mail list!"
You always have to have the last word don't you?
"Yup!"
Questions or Comments?