And the best fifth I'd hidden by the chimney with care,
has been snatched by some bum who'd found it right there.

My pals, guys and gals, had been poured into their beds,
to wake in the morning with hung-over heads.

My mouth, full of cotton, dropped down with a snap,
becasue I was dying from one wee night cap.

When trough the south window there came such a yell,
I sprang to my feet to see what the hell...

and what to my blodshot eyes I should see,
was 8 tiny reindeer caught in a tree.

Way 'mongst the branches was a man with a sleigh,
I saw it was Santa, quite oiled today.

Staggering nearer those 8 reindeer he came,
He hiccuped and belched while he called out their names:

On Whiskey! On Vodka! We ain't got all night!
You too, Gin and Brandy, now all do it right!

Clamber up on the roof, get the hell off this wall,
get going you rummies, we've still a long haul.

So up on the roof went the reindeer and sleigh,
but a tree branch hit Santa before he could sway.

Ant then to my ears like the roll of a barrell,
A hell of a noise that was no Christmas carol.

So I pulled in my head and cocked a sharp ear,
down the chimney he plunged landing smack on his rear.

He was dressed in red and white fir for trim,
the way Santa swayed, he was tanked to the brim.

The sack on his back held nothing but booze.
and the breath that he blew almost put me to snooze.

He was both plump and chube and tried to stand right,
but he didn't fool me, he was high as a kite!
He spoke not a word, but went straight to work,
and missed half the stocking, the plastered old jerk.

Then putting his thumb to the end of his nose,
he fluttered his fingers as he quoted prose.

A spring for his sleigh at so hasty a pace,
tripped himself on a shingle and he fell on his face.

But I heard him burp back as he passed out of sight---
MERRY CHRISTMAS you lishes, now really get tight!

© 1997 snipe_hunter@hotmail.com

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