"Good morning, and welcome to Hell."

She was the most beautiful woman Ron had ever seen. Her eyes, deep blue, asked him to follow. He did.

"Aaaaah, where is it that we're going?" Ron asked.

Silence.

Down the winding staircase they went. The temperature and darkness increased steadily with each downward step. Finally, they came to an opening with a flickering of light. Ron caught a glimpse of something that should have frightened him to death. The beautiful woman with the deep blue eyes had transformed in the darkness into a grotesquely muscular ten foot tall demon with horns, a long pointed tail, and a glowing pitchfork. The demon quickly turned and casually hoisted Ron into the air by his collarbone.

"Let go of me! What the hell are you? Where..."

Ron was promptly thrown twenty feet across the platform. He landed in a heap.

"Most people don't have the nerve to ask ME questions like that, Ronnie. Usually, it's into the pit and that's the end of it. But you... you've been special." The monstrous demon's jagged teeth were visible; he was clearly enjoying the moment.

"Aaaah, I see, You are Him then?"

"Yes, Ronnie. I am Him, and so are you."

"What do you mean, so am I?" Ronnie was annoyed and confused. It was beginning to get incredibly hot and sweat was getting into his eyes.

"You are Ronald Reagan, former President of the United States. I am Satan, Lord of the Underworld and the Ultimate Evil. We have more than a bit in common, actually..."

"Well what am I doing here, Satan? I've lived a life full of good Christian morals... family values and all of that..."

"Ha! Ha ha ha! Oohhhh... ha ha ha ha!" The demon was overcome by laughter. "Bravo, Ronnie! I've really got to hand it to you, you've always put on such a great performance. I couldn't have asked for a better servant to fulfill my evil prophecies."

"This is crazy! Help! Help me someone! Nancy! Nancy!"

"It's no use Ronnie. Nancy isn't here... yet."

"Come on, this is some sort of a joke, right? It's probably some of my old Hollywood friends who got together and decided to give me a scare."

"They're all dead as well, Ronnie. You'll see them shortly, not that you'll recognize any of them."

"Well then, it must be Jesus. He's just testing me, that's it! He's probably just behind that wall of flames having such a laugh!"

"No Ronnie, I'm the one with the sense of humor. You've got a similar one: Remember the Iran-Contra hearings?"

"I don't recall..."

"No, you really don't do you Ronnie?" The demon looked down and folded his hands. "It's time."

"Time? Time for what, my nap?"

"Oh, the earth's going to miss you Ronnie. It really is."

The demon lifted a sleepy Ron into the air and dropped him down a foreboding chute.

"There you go... Hey Nixon! Go easy on him! He's one of your own! Aw, the hell with it..."