The Top Ten Things You’ll Never Hear on the U.S.S. Enterprise-D:

10.  "No, please, Data, go on. I find your list of synonyms for ‘extinct’
 fascinating."

9.  "Good work, Counselor. If you hadn’t told us those  aliens had hostile
 intent, we would have been completely fooled by their plan."

8.  "Jean-Luc, since the ship is in no danger, and we’re not all about to
 die, I want to tell you…"

7.  "The doohickey has gone all…funny, making that gizmo light up…the one
 that means the warp  engines are…you know…all messed up."

6.  "Captain’s log. Stardate…damn. What’s the stardate" Number One, what’s
 today? No, I know it’s Tuesday. What’s the date? THE STARDATE!"

5.  "Tea! Lemon Zinger! Hot!"

4.  "Klingons do NOT wear frilly underwear! At least, not on duty."

3.  "Prime Directive? We don’t need no steenkin’ Prime Directive."

2.  "Captain. The aliens are locking their weapons…firing…a miss. Shall I
 open hailing frequencies so you can laugh in their faces?"

1.  "Ah, hell. I’m bored. Forget the hailing frequencies. Fire at will!"